Well, it's been a minute since I've blogged (we'll get to that someday). In my return, I'm doing something I don't think I've ever done in the history of DOL; I set a 30-minute timer to finish this blog to avoid overthinking and just GO! (obviously typos & poorly crafted sentences don't count under these rules)
Today marks the 500th day of #everydaydoz. What started inadvertently has morphed into the bit you see before you. I've said plenty on that matter, and instead, want to focus on the (500) days of errrrridaydozie. That is a solid chunk of time: a year and 135 days to be precise. A lot has happened during that time frame. Some aspects were pretty sick... the Celtics championship run, all the time with my nephew, becoming more responsible (I finally bit the bullet and got a real full-time teaching gig), bought a Subi, increa3ed my number, and saw some awesome concerts. That's pretty much all I can remember right now against the clock, but not bad if I don't spend too much time thinking about all the friendships and democracies that have crumbled! Unfortunately for humanity, too many things have not been super chill :'(
And those are just three semi-randomly selected stories I've shared in the past two months!
Alas, here I sit at my desk in this strange sense of bittersweetness. What does it even mean? 500 straight days of exercise. Cool! (sarcastic font). I'm still nowhere close to where I want to be, buuuuuut!!! I am undoubtedly in a better spot physically and with some doubt...mentally. I could beat myself up per usual, but the clock is literally ticking. It's a vicious cycle that I've battled most of my life and has only been exacerbated by what has happened over the last 500 days. But if you're reading this blog, you probably already know that!
I have no idea what I currently weigh, and I didn't weigh myself before this started. Whatever the number is, it needs to be lower...but at least it's not 426 (which was my highest documented weight). Clearly, there's been some progress. I can't even fit in the frame in the left picture. 
There are days, though, where I'm like "yo, Doz, you are literally being the definition of insanity rn"----doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results! You have to start mixing in some green shit, my guy!
As much as I wanna be happier, stronger, thinner, healthier, etc. I'm proud of myself for not giving up after 500 days and whatever progress has been made. Surely, that must mean something? I'm not trying to S my own D...this is a reflection. Yes, the results have not been what I want, but I know the reasons for that. I wish I had better self-control, and that's the main reason why this bit didn't stop after 30, 50, 100, 200, or 258 days. It could be because I re-watched the Brady Roast today (and finished it at the gym), but the job isn't finished. As long as I keep going, there's always a chance to improve. I can't have my end picture looking the same as day 165. When this blog/website started nearly a decade ago (puke emoji), I lost 120 pounds in 6 months. While I diiiiid keep a lot of for over a year, it eventually all came back and then some thanks to my attempt at Nashville & the pan demi moore...but again, clock is ticking. I've done many a weight loss gimmick...it always ended the same. So this time, ya boi is taking his fucking time. Slow burning. FTR, I don't think I would've blown up like I did (starting in 2020 after JUST losing 70 lbs in 2019) in a pandemicless world. In the same vein, I am 500% sure I would be doing a lot better if there weren't a Christo-fascist takeover currently destroying our institutions. But, yeah, suuuure, obviously I know I'm the one who ultimately puts the food into my gullet. No excuses! Who cares if food companies have manipulated food to get people addicted and make them more money!! Be sTrOnGeR, Dozo!! Sure, most fat guys around my starting level that do something like this end up losing so much weight they need their new excess flaps removed...But I can't change the past and can only try to beat the cravings. Alsooooo, ICYMI, we're sprinting into an authoritarian state and and like the babes and one they of The Last Dinner Party sing "NOTHING MATTERS," (domestically!---stop the fucking genocide in Gaza) besides stopping American Fascism. I'm so so sorry that I don't have better coping mechanisms; I am OPEN to suggestions. Perhaps a more just society? Something that definitely does matter is connection and community. That's something I miss dearly. All the interactions with people because of #everydaydoz have been great, but I feel more isolated by the day. I spend way too much fucking time alone...but even when I'm with others, I feel alone. My anxieties and fears (Doz, aren't those basically the same thing?) get in the way of fixing that. But yeah, things are not all right. I can't stop eating and drinking my feelings because of everything I've mentioned so far. But I still have this bit. At least there's that. One positive thing. No matter what has happened over the last 500 days....I've shown up. I put in the effort. I haven't let my weird brain and the outside factors win (although in terms of my relationship with food...different story). There have been countless days when going to the gym was the only thing of note I did during that day. Wooow do I hate the truth of that last sentence on a multitude of levels, but fuuuck we've got less than 5 minutes left on this deadline that I set and will obviously break (maybe not though???). We're shooting like J.R. rn. I'm just chucking it. I hate how many of these 500 days of errrridaydozie when I look back feel wasted. All the days of this summer break that I've slept past 5 pm because I was up until three ubin and also am depressed about the state of humanity and feel helpless, which ik is the wrong attitude to have, but fuck, DOL reader, I am not doing alright. I feel like #everydaydoz, and this stupid fucking streak are the glue and duct tape holding me together. I'm gonna spend these last two minutes thanking everybody who supported me so far. Special S/O to Scar!! She has by far engaged the most, and it means the world. It all has. Whether you've liked or messaged me once or 500 times...thank you! Thank you for pushing me when I wanted to give in. Thank you for having my back. Thank you for adding a little meaning to all of this. I still don't know what this whole thing (TIMER GOES OFF) is about, but I have no intentions of stopping outside of wanting to get some tattoos and feeling like I need to take a break for that...I don't wanna take a day off. Now, I have been thinking about retiring this leg of #everydaydoz after day 508 (which would be next Thursday) and am unsure of how I'll be able to work out with the logistics of driving to JOIIIISSSEY for THE Oasis comeback show. I just know, however many days are left, I don't want to do them alone. I miss my people, and it kills me how things are. Is this just aging, or does everybody hate me? Probz somewhere in between. Oh fuck it's now 10:30 and I've gone well past my self-imposed deadline. Seriously, TYSM to everybody who's supported me throughout this bit. I wish I had better results for you, but I'm moving in the right direction every day. Believe in yourself. I know it's not easy, but if my slightly less fat (but still somehow flat) ass can work out 500 days in a row...you can do whatever you want (within reason). Peace and love, Ryan My Last Name P.S. I took some photos that are different from what I usually do post-workout and wanted to share.
Before I released my mane.
After.
Look at that bootie POP!
I did not mean for my hand placement to be like that. On JAH! I just don't know how to flex or be normal.
See, I wasn't kidding!
When you hear footsteps...
When you hear footsteps... (2.0)
And a couple where I feel handsome, but that were ultimately left on the cutting room floor for the OFFICIAL (500) days of #everydaydoz IG story.
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