Barney The Purple Dinosaur Is Now A Tantric Sex Therapist and I For One Couldn't Be Happier1/24/2018
via: time.com/5116627/barney-actor-is-now-tantric-sex-therapist/
It turns out that the actor who brought the eponymous purple dinosaur of Barney & Friends to life has found a second career calling as a tantric sex therapist, something he says is based on the same philosophy as the tender-hearted Tyrannosaurus Rex he played on television for nearly a decade. In an interview with Vice, David Joyner, who played Barney from 1991 to 2001 while actor Bob West provided the voice for the purple behemoth, said that he now owns a tantric massage practice, where he works as a tantra massage specialist and spiritual healer with around 30 clients (whom he refers to as “goddesses”) who come to him for $350 sessions where he helps them release energy and balance their chakras. According to Joyner, this tantric training came in handy when he would have to be in the 70 lb. Barney costume – which could reach up to 120 degrees at times; he also felt that both practices informed each other. “A lot of the elements of Barney were a lot of the things I was training within tantra,” he said. “I always said it was never an accident, and that I was meant to do this character. The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love. Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love.
Here's a little inside baseball secret about ole dozo: As a baby I loveeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddd Barney the Purple Dinosaur. How I feel about Tom Brady at 26 is how I felt about Barney at 3. I could not get enough of Barney, or as I referred to him "Da Bar". That's what I used to call him before I could say full words according to my mom. Barney along with Thomas the Tank Engine were my top guys. That was my #squad well before we started calling the pound sign a hashtag. Which is why this story makes me so, so, so, so, so happy. For those of you counting at home, yes I went with the quintuple so. Nobody has ever been brave enough to go quintuple so...until now. The first reason I'm so (x5) happy is rather selfish. It gives me hope. As I am someone going through a "transitional" period between jobs/careers I find this story quite inspiring. I at many times have found myself wondering what will come next for the Doz man? Will I ever teach again? Will I ever find a real job? Will I ever find love? Will (despite a lack of support by my so called friends) Doz On Life ever get the recognition it deserves? Will Barstool make the great, potentially life save saving decision to hire me? Who knows? But what I do know is if Barney can go from entertaining children with such fire jams like the I Love You Song
to a successful career as a Tantric Sex Therapist charging upwards of $350** per session (seems steep!), then like Kevin Garnett said, anything is possible.
Talk about a complete 180. Now sure, there are a few traits from his days as Barney that translate to the tantric sex game like his abilities to love, and entertain people for hours on end. But I'd say that's where the similarities end. I've pigeonholed myself at times thinking there's not other jobs I could do since my degree is so specialized, but after seeing David Joyner take the leap from Barney the Purple Dinosaur to a tantric sex therapist it really rattled home to me that there's nothing stopping me from doing anything my little heart desires, I could totally be an insurance agent or in middle management. The possibilities are endless, and the same goes for you! We can achieve our dreams! The second reason this makes me so (x5) happy is just because I'm good person who loves to see the people I care about them doing well in life and being happy in general. I'm not a vindictive person. Well at least not with like 80% of people, which I'd say is a high enough percentage to be consider yourself a non-vindictive person. Even though I had no idea until a few minutes ago that Barney's real name was David Joyner, I for a long time loved that man and what he represented. He brought me so (x5) much joy in my younger years. I'm just tickled pink (or in this case purple amirite?) to see he landed on his feet, not only working, but doing something that he loves. After all Barney ending was easily one of the top 2 worst things to happen in 2001. It would've been easy for David Joyner to go down a dark downward spiral. But he didn't, he went the complete opposite way. To see David Joyner thriving in a career so different from his former, (but in a way very similar) just brings the brightest smile to my face. Anything is possible you guys. We're a hap-py family indeed. **P.S. Is $350 a normal rate for a tantric "massage" session or does he get to spike the prices a little bit on the whole "I used to be Barney the Purple Dinosaur" factor?
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Sir Elton John is saying goodbye to life on the road. The music icon announced in a press event on Wednesday that his next world tour will be his last. The three-year tour will start in September, John told CNN's Anderson Cooper in a sit down chat that was live-streamed around the world. "I've been touring since I was 17 with various bands," John said. "I thought the time is right to say thank you to all my fans and say goodbye." John said his priorities changed when he and his husband, David Furnish, had children."We had children and had changed our lives and in 2015 we sat down with their school schedule and we said I'm going to miss too much of this," he told Cooper. There had been speculation for several days over what John's announcement would be after a countdown clock was posted to his official website with lyrics from his hit song, "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road." John said on Wednesday that he decided in 2015 that this would be his last tour, telling Cooper, "I can't go on forever." The tour is called "Farewell Yellow Brick Road" but this isn't farewell forever. John said he still wants to make more albums. "I'm not worried about stopping," he said. John hits the road on September 8 for a tour that will include 300 shows across five continents. Tickets for "Farewell Yellow Brick Road" go on sale February 2. Fans can also catch the Rocket Man in Las Vegas, where John is on his second residency at Caesars Palace. The singer had to cancel a few shows last year after he was hospitalized for a bacterial infection he contracted while he was on tour in South America. "The Million Dollar Piano" show will end in May. John, 70, is also scheduled to perform a duet with Miley Cyrus at the Grammy Awards this weekend at Madison Square Garden in New York City. He's also performing at a post-Grammys concert on January 30, "Elton John: I'm Still Standing-A Grammy Salute," which will include performances by Sam Smith, Chris Martin, John Legend and Keith Urban. John is a celebrated artist whose self-titled 1970 debut reached No. 4 on the Billboard 200 and gave him his first Top 10, "Your Song," according to the Grammy's official site. He's won five Grammy Awards, a Tony and an Academy Award. Early in his career, John was known for flamboyant costumes and wild glasses. He's taken the stage wearing a duck suit, a sequined baseball uniform and a Ronald McDonald outfit. He wore the colorful clothes to help create a spectacle and offset his shyness onstage. He is the third most successful Billboard Hot 100 artist of all time, according to the magazine's tally of sales for music released between 1958 and 2015. Only the Beatles and Madonna rank higher. John is currently collaborating on a Broadway musical based on "The Devil Wears Prada," the 2003 book written by Lauren Weisberger, which was turned into a film in 2006 starring Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. via: www.cnn.com/2018/01/24/entertainment/elton-john-retiring-final-tour/index.html The following transcript comes from an actual conversation I had while driving earlier:
FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Hey Doz are you an Elton John Fan?" Me: "Why yes I am, Fake Person Posing A Question To Me To Start Off A Blog. I have his entire three album greatest hits on my iPhone despite only knowing like 10 songs by Sir Elton John as it's much easier to click add whole album instead of searching the songs individually, why do you ask?" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I don't know if that's necessarily true, I think you just want to sound cool that you have his entire greatest hits on your three year old iPhone. But to get back on track, I asked because he's retiring!" Me: " Why would I say that to try to sound cool? I literally just told you I did it to save time. [after taking a sip of water] Also REALLY?!, I'm shocked! [one more sip to finish the bottle of Poland Spring] Well, actually on second thought it's not too shocking, if I'm not mistaken he's 70 years old and has been touring the world with various bands since he was 17. That's a long time to tickle the ivories, so I guess now is a good of time as ever to call it a career." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Tickle the ovaries? I'm sorry, but I don't think Sir Elton John does that, he's a homosexual. Plus if even if he wasn't that's quite graphic sexual innuendo to be using with me, I don't appreciate language like that when discussing the career of a man who gave the world classic hits such as "Crocodile Rock", "Benny and the Jets", "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues", "Rocket Man", "Piano Man", "Daniel", and "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Me: Oh FPPAQTMTSOAB, you must've misheard me, I said tickle the IVORIES, not ovaries. It's a slang term from the early 20th century that refers to playing the piano. Also I'm well aware Sir Elton John is a proud gay man; it's nearly 2020 if you round up. Why does it matter that he's gay? FPPAQTMTSOAB: [interrupting me] It doesn't! Me: I'm going to have to ask you to be a little more inclusive and less judgmental of musicians, and people in general. Also, I hate to correct you, but Billy Joel is the singer of the 1973 hit "Piano Man", not Sir Elton John. FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I'm sorry for mishearing you. Also I always do that. I get Billy Joel and Elton John confused. They both play the piano, and haven't had a hit in 30 years so they're easy to get confused." Me: "FPPAQTMTSOAB, I respectfully disagree, their voices sound nothing alike, plus Elton John's Candle In the Wind 1997 was a number 1 hit in many countries worldwide after the untimely death of Princess Diana and her lover, Dodi Fayed in August of 1997. You just don't seem to be that well-versed in music history." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "If I wasn't well rounded in music history then how do I know that the Beatles original name was The Quarrymen?" Me: "Everybody knows that, FPPAQTMTSOAB" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "That is certainly not true, let's ask a random stranger if they know that little piece of music trivia?" Me: "Sounds fair to me, I'll pull over and you can ask this gentlemen in the lovely yellow cardigan." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I don't think it's lovely, I'm not a big fan of the color yellow." Me: "Really? Aren't you a Steelers fan?" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I know pretty ironic, right?" Me: "Sure I guess, can you just ask this guy so we can go on our way to Cold Stone Creamery? I'm really craving ice cream that was popular in 2009." . FPPAQTMTSOAB: {rolls down window] "Excuse me, random stranger, what was the Beatles original name?" Random Stranger: "What is this fucking Cash Cab? But to answer your question, it's the Quarrymen, everybody knows that." FPPAQTMTSOAB: [mutters to himself] Goddamnit. Me: "Told ya so, and please don't use the Lord's name is vain in my vehicle." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "You're right, I'm being a bad Christian. Best two out of three?" Me: "Don't be so hard on yourself, and no we haven't got time for that, just realize that confusing Elton John and Billy Joel just because they both play the piano is utterly ridiculous." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I really don't think it's as big of a mistake as you're making it out to be." Me: "You're wrong, FPPAQTMTSOAB. As you were saying about Sir Elton John?" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Of course, well did you know he's retiring?" Me: "Yes, you already mentioned that, he's been touring worldwide since he was 17 with various bands." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Silly me. But check this out! He's going on a farewell tour, for THREE YEARS?" Me: "Are you sure? That's an awfully long time to go on a retirement tour." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I know, right? Isn't that a little excessive?" Me: "Yes, and given his age don't you think that's a little cocky of him to just assume he's going to be alive for three more years?" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "That's a little morbid, but sure I'll play along. I mean yes, and no. He's only 70, not 90, and seems to be in relatively good shape despite contracting a bacterial infection after a tour in Chile last year. Plus British musicians seemingly don't die, Ozzy Osbourne is 69 years old (nice), Keith Richards is 74 years old and has a long history with drugs, he even once snorted his own father's ashes. Both still kicking." Me: "Woah, woah, woah. You mean to tell me that you the ages of both Ozzy Osbourne and Keith Richards off the top of your head and that Keith Richards once snorted his father's ashes but didn't know Billy Joel sings Piano Man?" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Oh my God, would you just let it go?" Me: "No I'm going to hold that one over your head for a while, FPPAQTMTSOAB that's almost as stupid as announcing you're retiring for touring then going on a three year retirement tour. That's nearly an entire Presidential term! FPPAQTMTSOAB: Can you not bring politics into this already rocky discussion? Me: "Oh for Christ's sake I'm just using it as an example to compare long periods of time, don't be such a snowflake." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Oh so you can use the Lord's name in vain in this car but I can't?" Me: "Once you start paying car payments on this bad boy you can do whatever you want!" FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Your father gave you this car, there are no car payments." Me: "I swear I am THIS [I hold my right thumb and pointer finger approximately 1 3/8 inches apart] CLOSE to not going to Cold Stone Creamery." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "I'm sorry." Me: "It's okay." [nobody speaks for 7 minutes] FPPAQTMTSOAB: "But seriously a three year retirement tour, that's so ridiculous!" Me: [under my breath] "It's almost as ridiculous as getting Elton John and Billy Joel confused." FPPAQTMTSOAB: Okay that's it, FUCK YOU! I don't even want Cold Stone Creamery anymore." Me: "We both know that's not true, plus we're already in the parking lot." FPPAQTMTSOAB: "Ughhhh, I hate that you're right. Let's go." That actually happened, just like Elton John announcing a three year retirement tour. Hard to say what is more ridiculous. Song: Crawling In The Dark Artist: Hoobastank Album: Hoobastank This song has been stuck in my head all week so I figured I'd pay it forward by getting this 2001 classic (featured in the successful video game franchise: Aggressive Inline) stuck in your's as well. Carry on, I'm assuring you that is in face okay to use your heart and not your eyes to navigate the darkness.
I want to be the first to congratulate the New England Patriots for winning their 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years (for the second time in franchise history!) and 6th overall. It wasn't easy, as it never is but once again New England is home to the champions of the National Football League. To quote Gil Santos "back to back, 3 out of 4 yes it's a dynasty!"
Before you get all "ayyy why are you jinxing them Dozah? Haven't you learned anything yet?" Please allow my explain. I blogged this exact same topic last year congratulations-to-the-patriots-for-winning-super-bowl-li.html when it was announced the Pats would be wearing white against Atlanta. We all know how that game turned out.
However back then the Patriots didn't have a choice, as the "away" team they wore their white tops and blue pants since the idiot Falcons don't respect history and chose to go with their home uniforms.
As the designed home team this year the Pats had the choice to pick their uniforms; they went with history and chose white. Since Super Bowl XXXIX (2004 season) the team wearing white uniforms is an astounding 12-1 a trend so inconceivable you almost have to think it's not a coincidence. That's a .923 winning percentage. Considering white is also the traditional color of wedding dresses with divorce rates currently around 50% statistically speaking if you're wearing white you have a better chance of winning the Super Bowl than having a successful marriage. During this time-frame the Patriots are 2-0 wearing white and 0-2 wearing their blue home uniforms. The 2010 Packers are the outlier as they wore green when they beat the Steelers 31-25 in Super Bowl XLV. Even though the AFC and NFC rotate home and away in the Super Bowl, it doesn't necessarily mean mean the home teams wear their home uniforms. The 2005 Steelers chose to wear white despite being the home team because they had worn them throughout the playoffs. They became the first 6 seed to win the Super Bowl.
10 years later the Denver Broncos chose to wear white in Super Bowl 50. With the greatest offense of all time two years earlier the Broncos wore orange in Super Bowl XLVIII and got destroyed by the score of 43-8.
In Super Bowl 50 Denver went into the game 5.5 point underdogs, with one of the worst offenses in Super Bowl history as Peyton Manning couldn't throw the ball 30 yards anymore. They won the game 24-10 mainly because of their defense and Cam Newton's "business decision". I just want to know who made this decision for the Pats. It's so intriguing to me because to me it means someone in the organization knows this trend, why else would they do this? I can't imagine it's Bill since fashion is not exactly his thing, which in a way makes it his thing.
My guess is Ernie Adams, he's all about doing anything to get the edge. While I'll bet he couldn't give two shits about what uniforms the Patriots are wearing, he is a student of the game and all about finding any possibility to give his team an advantage, and going with a trend that has yielded 12 of the last 13 Super Bowl champs seems right up his alley.
Song: Revenge Artist: XXXTENTACION Album: 17
For the 8th (eighth!) time Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are headed for the Super Bowl. I still can't wrap my head around it. If someone says they played 8 years in the NFL it's extremely impressive, this dude has played 8 Super Bowl seasons. It really doesn't even make sense. Last night with a 24-20 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars the New England Patriots extended their league record of Super Bowl appearances to 10. That's double digits, folks. This is going to be the 52nd Super Bowl ever and the Patriots have appeared in nearly 20% of them. Not bad for a franchise that didn't win its first playoff game until 1985. Before you ask, I'll answer, no it never gets old. The most impressive run in the history sports only gets better, and better. I'll be honest with you, despite countless playoff comebacks by TB12 I was getting quite nervous during this game, it's just my nature. I blogged about not having expectations a week or so ago to make potential heartbreak easier, and I'm going to be honest with you I did not follow my own advice. While going in I did respect the Jags, (I've been saying for months they'd make the AFC Championship Game) I just didn't think there was a way the lowly Jaguars could beat the Patriots in the playoffs. They nearly did. After Dion Lewis fumbled on a play that I called mere seconds before it took place I was extremely nervous.
I think I handled the fumble quite well.
When the Patriots converted on 3rd and 18 I went from thinking the game was over to realizing Tom Brady was about to do it again.
That conversion reminded me a lot of the 3rd and 14 Edelman conversion in Super Bowl XLIX given the situation, score and time remaining in both games.
Tom Brady despite a cut up hand, and no Gronk for the entire second half had himself a pretty solid day against one of the best defenses in the NFL.
But this post isn't about my reactions during the course of the game, or breaking the game down, it's about sitting back and admiring what the Patriots have done. The Patriots have been a legitimate Super Bowl contender for nearly 20 years. Even when Brady got hurt in 2008 then went 11-5. There is no run like this in team sports ever. 18 years of domination.
Think about this for a moment.... the Patriots are going to their 3rd Super Bowl in a 4 season span for the 2nd time in franchise history. 17 of the 32 teams in the NFL have been to less than 3 Super Bowls in their entire franchise history. Four teams have never been. With a win against the Eagles February 4th they'll join the 90's Cowboys and 00's Patriots as the only team to ever win three Super Bowls in four years. Guess what? When those great early 90's Cowboys teams did it, that was it. That core didn't ever get back. Amazing run, but it was a short window. They never got back to the mountain top. Dallas has won three playoff games since 1995, they haven't even been to one NFC Championship game since they won their last Super Bowl. Meanwhile after winning three Super Bowls in four years that first wave of the Patriots Dynasty continued, in 2006 they nearly made it back to the Super Bowl only to blow a 21-3 lead in the AFC Championship Game to the Colts. Then of course in 2007 they were one stop away from a perfect season. That group realistically could've won five Super Bowls in seven years. 2008 to 2009 was kind of the changing of the guard in New England. Tom Brady missed basically an entire season, the key faces of the early 2000's dynasty either retired or moved on, guys like Tedy Bruschi, Richard Seymour, Rodney Harrison and Mike Vrabel were all gone by the 09 season. The Patriots could've crumbled and it would've been okay by NFL standards, that's what happens. These runs of success aren't supposed to be prolonged. The 60's Packers were an all time dynasty then it took them 30 years to get back to the Super Bowl. The Steelers of the 1970's had a six year run of Super Bowl success then waited until 2005 for Pittsburgh to win again. There's peaks and valleys in football, and really all major sports. Teams have a group of core guys who have a certain "window" for success, then they close, guys move on and teams are forced to start over again. That hasn't happened for the Patriots. While the faces have changed a ton over this run of dominance, two have remained the same; Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. It hasn't mattered who else is on the team, as long as these two guys are around you can pencil the Pats in for 12 wins. What's the craziest part of this whole run to me is that at one point their first run has been considered by many experts to be one of the greatest dynasties in NFL history, and now it's not even the best in Patriots history. IMO win or lose come Super Bowl Sunday the 2nd wave of the Patriots dynasty is more impressive than the first. It's been well documented that the Patriots were playing in their 7th straight AFC Championship game but really let that settle. In those games they had a winning record of 4-3. For 7 straight seasons they were either in the Super Bowl or within a game of it. The next closest streak in 5 straight AFC Championship games which the Raiders did in the 70's. They only went 1-4 in AFCCG and back then only 4 teams made the playoffs. For 8 straight seasons the Patriots have had a first-round bye. That means they finished either 1st or 2nd in the AFC for EIGHT YEARS IN A ROW. No down years. The early 2000's Patriots that won three out of four missed the playoffs in the year they didn't win a Super Bowl. This run's team that didn't win the Super Bowl was a two point conversion away from forcing overtime in the AFC Championship Game. Every year of the 2010's the Patriots have won at least 12 games. The Jets have won 12 games ONCE in their franchise's history. This has been done with waves of different guys, some faces have been the same, but not for every year. Last year Patriots won the Super Bowl without Rob Gronkowski, this year they're back in the Super Bowl without Julian Edelman. What this run does have in common with it's 2001-2004 counterpart is that like the 2004 Patriots the 2017 Patriots are going to be losing both coordinators after the Super Bowl. In 04 Charlie Weis left to become the head coach of Notre Dame, Romeo Crennel became head coach of the Cleveland Browns. The 2017 Patriots are going to lose Matt Patricia to the Lions and Josh McDaniels is likely to become the Colts new head coach. Which is why I really want Patriot fans to appreciate this. There's a great possibility this may be it for the Brady-Belichick Patriots. They'll probably be Super Bowl favorites again next year, but after losing both coordinators after the 2004 season the Patriots went a decade without winning a championship. I'm just saying the run has to end eventually, and this year kind of has a senior year vibe to it. Realize that no run like this will ever happen again, how lucky we as Patriots fans, especially around my age or younger have been. I don't know what it's like to have a losing season. When the Patriots went 5-11 in 2000 I was in 3rd grade. Tom Brady has been on the Patriots since 2000. In the 16 full seasons Tom Brady has been the Patriots QB they've made the Super Bowl in HALF of them. In the remaining 8 years in half of those they were a game away from the Super Bowl. There's nothing in NFL history that even comes close to that. Joe Montana, the man many considered the greatest QB of all time only played 10 seasons with the 49ers. Brady has been in 8 Super Bowls. Nothing will ever come close this again in team sports. I know it is going to suck once Brady and Belichick are gone, but guess what? They aren't gone yet. #NotDone
Sean Donis’s wife, Nancy Donis, 38, said she was going to dinner. Donis stayed behind to watch their 5-year-old son. When he couldn’t find his iPad, he turned on the Find My iPhone app to locate it. The software showed the electronic device moving toward an unknown location; he had a hunch that his wife had taken it, and he decided to follow. He arrived at a house and opened the unlocked door. On the second floor, he found his wife in bed with her boss, Albert Lopez, 58. With his iPhone, he recorded two brief videos of them in bed. The New Jersey man got a letter last July informing him that a grand jury had indicted him on charges of felony burglary and unlawful surveillance for the April 2016 incident. “I feel like it’s unjust what they’re doing to me,” said Donis, 37, to the New York Post in September. “It’s like I’m being punished twice.” He appeared in court in September, where he pleaded not guilty. His second appearance happened on Friday. “I was in fear,” Lopez testified of the moment when Donis caught him in bed with his wife. “I kept telling him, you need to get out of here,” Lopez told the jury hearing Donis’s felony burglary case. Donis’s wife worked for Lopez as the billing manager for his orthopedics practice. Lopez said he was so desperate to get the enraged husband out of his home that he asked Donis “if he wanted to die.” “Kill me. I don’t care,” he said the desperate husband responded. The incident left Lopez traumatized. “I couldn’t go to sleep. I had repeated memories of what occurred. I started to go through the house and check all the doors and make sure they were locked,” he said. Lopez also noted that Donis’s wife said they were separated, and he thought Donis was out of the picture. The husband’s lawyer, Howard Greenberg, told jurors that the husband actually “deserves a medal,” not a prison sentence, for uncovering his wife’s unfaithfulness without physically harming his rival. “The defendant should be given a medal for the amount of restraint he showed when he entered that scene,” Greenberg told the jury. However, despite the fact that Lopez slept with Donis’s wife, prosecutor Nabeela Mcleod asserted that Lopez was a victim — a victim of Donis’s breaking and entering his home and recording him and Donis’s wife without their consent (Donis shared the videos with his wife’s relatives). He now faces a possible maximum sentence of 15 years in prison. Via: www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/husband-barged-cheating-wife-go-jail-15-years-211608559.html How is my guy Sean Donis at fault here? This shit is more backwards than a horse's knee. Homeboy catches his wife committing the crime of adultery (thou shalt not commit adultery ever heard of it?) with her boss and somehow HE IS the one who is in trouble. This is somehow being spun that this cheater, Nancy and her lover, Albert (cool name bro) Lopez are the victims. This story should be called EMF because it's Unbelievable. Sureeeeeeee Sean "broke into" the guy's house, but if Sean is guilty of anything (besides that horrible angle selfie like it's 2005 myspace) it's great detective work. He's only guilty of being a problem solver and following clues; which are not crimes in most countries. His iPad was lost and he tried to find it. Is that so wrong? I'm pretty sure you can chalk this up to a heat of the moment situation where no charges can be pressed. Have you ever lost your phone/iPad/computer? It's terrifying. Gotta do whatever you can to get that shit back, you aren't thinking straight you just want your stuff back. You don't know his financial situation. You gotta think about where Sean was coming from, for all he knew his iPad was stolen. He was just trying to get back his stolen property, and if he catches his wife in the act, so be it. If anything his wife is just as guilty of theft (thou shalt not steal...HELLO?!) I mean if the dude who killed Harvey Milk can go free because he ate too many twinkies (S/O me from knowing that) then surely Sean Donis can blame following the find my iPhone app to find his ipad/wife in bed with another man. If anything I feel like his "crime" could be forgiven since his iPad could've been stolen and he was just trying to get it back. Everybody knows you can't get in trouble if you're responding to a potential crime. Plus the door wasn't even locked, so this isn't even breaking and entering, it was just opening and entering. It's not like this dude broke a window and barged in. He acted like your friend who knows they can just walk in and don't have to knock. Nbd. This can't possibly be held to the same standard as burglary. How can you be a burglar if you didn't steal anything? This makes about as much sense to me as the ending of Donnie Darko. How is this guy getting charged with burglary when his wife got stolen by this other dude?!? Talk about ass backwards laws. This lady gets to keep fucking this guy while her husband could do 15 years because he filmed it on his iPhone like anybody else would to have proof that their wife is a cheating whore. This is like if you caught someone shoplifting and instead of arresting them, you toss them the keys and say, you own the place now. What's even crazier is not only did Sean not beat the shit out of this guy, which I think most people could justify, He essentially had his life threatened by dude filling his wife. Lopez "asked if he wanted to die". Fuck this guy, now he's just shoving his cucking down this dude's face and he has the nerve to say he was the one in fear. Wahhhh this old cuck Lopez said '"I was in fear" well good, you should be in fucking fear when you're sleeping with another man's wife! You're the scumbag in this situation. You're at fault, you should be in constant fear THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET CAUGHT SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER MAN'S WIFE. Nobody on earth should have pity for this guy Lopez. "I couldn't go back to sleep" Well by the sounds of things you weren't doing too much sleep there, were ya buddy? (I'm calling you buddy facetiously) Sean Donis should be praised for his restraint in a situation where most people would resort to violence. All he wanted was his iPad back and for his wife to be faithful, like we all want? Is this guy really any different from you or me? I hope that our justice system can use an ounce of common sense to have this case thrown out. P.S. To add insult to injury poor Sean was getting cucked by a man 21 years his senior. Never a good look. Hopefully for his sake he'll end up flipping burgers at Hooters. Song: Amazed Artist: Lonestar Album: Lonely Grill It's truly remarkable how much the lyrics of this song translate to my love for one, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. Baby I'm amazed by you.
I may have gone 2-2 picking winners last week but I just wanna say for the record I was 2-0 picking AFC playoff games and 0-2 picking NFC playoff games. In a way it makes perfect sense, I'm an AFC guy through and through. That's MY conference, I know it well. I've watched the Patriots dominate the AFC since I was in 4th grade as come Sunday they'll be playing in their 7th straight AFC Championship Game and 12th since 2001. IMO without bias it is the most impressive run by any team in the history of pro sports. Nearly two full decades of domination where most teams' windows are 5 years max the Patriots have stretched that like silly putty.
Hand up I was actually more confident in the Jaguars beating Pittsburgh than I was in the Pats beating Tennessee. Granted I should've believed in my guys more, but I've already discussed my coping mechanisms. I don't get why everybody was so shocked the Jags won, they blew out the Steelers in Pittsburgh back in week 5. Plus the Steelers are run by an idiot, and they've lost a bunch of playoff games they were favored in during the Tomlin era. They're the anti-Patriots, instead of going one week at a time like winners do they found a way to have a trap game in the playoffs by discounting Jacksonville. I knew they'd overlook the Jaguars because it's easy to do since they're the Jaguars, and they're obsessed with the Patriots. Case and point:
Now they're at home.
Not to make excuses but both of my NFC picks were right on the doorstep and should've won. But it's okay, they didn't, I didn't have money on the games so I really am okay with that. Plus it plays in the Pats favor (Should they beat Jacksonville because unlike Mike Tomlin I respect how good they are) as Matt Ryan and Drew Brees are out and Nick Foles and Case Keenum are still alive. If the Falcons had any structure, or competent coaching they would've beaten the Eagles, but it's my own fault for believing in the Falcons, a team that was winning the Super Bowl by a whopping 25 points and ended up losing. They're a loser franchise, with a losing culture that will never win a Super Bowl! Their play calling inside the ten yard line on that final series was poor at best!
"Hey it's only 4th and season. Let's run a slow developing roll-out that eliminates half the field and only has one receiving option"
As horrible as that play call was, Julio did have a chance to make a play but given the circumstances when you need one play to stay alive that's what you come up with? SHEEEEEEEEEEEEESHHH!
Then of course we had the Minneapolis Miracle where much like a broken levee, Marcus Williams failed at the worst possible time for New Orleans whiffing on Stefon Diggs allowing him to run free all the way to Philadelphia for a berth in the NFC title game. Had Sean Payton spent a little less time trolling and little bit more coaching in the final moments
Then maybe this doesn't happen.
So now we're here. Jacksonville at New England and Minnesota at Philadelphia with the right to represent their conference at the Super Bowl February 4th. Let's dive in.
AFC Championship Game:
(3) 12-6 Jacksonville Jaguars @ (1) 14-3 New England Patriots Sunday January 21st Gillette Stadium 3:05 PM CBS
This match up is so intriguing to me the league's best defense against the probable league MVP in Tom Brady. Jacksonville finished the season 2nd in total defense. The Pats were 1st in total offense. Everybody who tries to talk like they know football will say basically something like this:
"The Jags have the perfect formula to beat New England, great defense and dominate running game." "They can control time of possession. Keep Brady off the field." "The way to beat Brady is to hit him" Well color me shocked! You're telling me you should try to hit the other team's QB? No way?! Should you try to outscore the opponent too? Anybody who knows anything about football can say that, you're not exactly Vince Lombardi coming up with that game plan. However........ that's exactly what'll need to happen for Jacksonville to beat New England!!! I personally think this game will be all about the start. I wouldn't be shocked if the Patriots won the toss and chose to take the ball to start the game unlike there usual deferment til the second half. Try to score early and force Jacksonville to keep up. I think we'll know after a quarter or so if this game will be bloodbath or not. While I do think the Jags have a decent chance to pull off the upset, it'll have to be done by keeping the game close early. Follow a similar formula to how they beat Pittsburgh. Start hot, and be able to dictate the tempo of the game. The Jags are not built to come from behind, if it's 17-0 Patriots after the 1st quarter I don't see a way Jacksonville can win this game. They're built on running the ball with Fournette and if it's 24-6 in the 3rd quarter idk how much you can be relying on the run game. We all know the same old cliches about the Patriots taking away your best asset, they try to make you play left handed (which for 11% of the population is preferred). Last week they didn't allow a run longer than 4 yards but Derrick Henry. Expect the Pats to try to neutralize Leonard Fournette and make Bortles beat them. That is much easier said than done. Fournette is a beast, rushed for over 1000 yards in only 13 games this season. So far in the playoffs he's had 166 yards and 3 touchdowns. Luckily for New England he got a little banged up against Pittsburgh. However Tom Brady is also battling a hand injury sustained in practice this week.
If the Patriots can get off to a hot start early and force Jacksonville to rely on Blake Bortles it's going to be a long day for Jacksonville. I love the guy, but historically he's a turnover machine.
He hasn't turned the ball over yet in the postseason, which could mean he's due. It's been a long time since Bortles coughed it up, I'm sure he's feeling very weird and uneasy about it, as most people tend to do in new situations. If the Pats can force Bortles to be pre-2017 Bortles they're in great shape. They've done pretty well historically under Belichick when winning the turnover battle in the playoffs.
While everybody is talking about how great Jacksonville's defense is, they did give up 42 points to the Steelers last week. We can even call it 35 if you since the last TD was scored in garbage time, but on two 4th downs they allowed the Steelers to score basically miracle touchdowns to stay in the game. Against old friend Jimmy G in week 16 they gave up 44 points. They've had their share of stinkers this year. They're a good defense but they're not the 85 Bears or 2000 Ravens.
There are just so many things that need to break the Jags way for them to win this game. Now if Brady is seriously hurt, or gets banged up in this game obviously everything changes but as long as he's even like 50% I love the Pats chances. I do think the Jaguars have a decent chance to pull off the upset, because of their potential to control the pace of the game but between the game being in Foxboro and the ration one-dimensional offense the Jags have I do expect the Patriots to win. We'll know rather early whether or not this game will be competitive for the full 60 minutes. If the Pats get the chance, they're going to run up the score after what Jalen Ramsey said after the Jags beat Pittsburgh.
Jaguars had a great year, and have been an awesome story this season going from a 3 win team to the AFC Championship Game, but it ends this week.
Patriots: 37 Jaguars: 20
NFC Championship Game:
(2) 14-3 Minnesota Vikings vs. (1) 14-3 Philadelphia Eagles Sunday January 21st Lincoln Financial Field 6:40 FOX
In the most surprising 1 vs. 2 seed conference title game in recent memory and possibly ever we have the miracle Minnesota Vikings heading to the city of brotherly love to take on the Eagles. Both teams went 13-3 with Philly holding the tie breaker over record vs. common opponents so they get to play at home. My rooting interest in this game heavily lies with what the Patriots do against the Jaguars. I'd rather play the Eagles cause I think it's a better match up, but if somehow they lose to Jacksonville I'll be rooting for Minnesota hard.
Both teams proved the critics (and me) wrong by winning home playoff games last week in rather dramatic fashion. While the Minneapolis Miracle which will live forever in NFL lore has taken center stage, the Eagles did have a goal line stand to beat the defending NFC Champs. After the Falcons converted on a 4th down conversion earlier in that drive I thought it was game over but Philly held on. The Eagles open up as home dogs but seem to be taking quite the liking to that.
This game to me is a total crap shoot as it's still two back up QBs facing two of the league's best defenses. In a battle of just doing enough to let your defense win the game for you I honestly don't know what to expect. It's kind of a cop out but honestly, I could very easily see either team winning. I expect an ugly grind it out defensive struggle where the QBs aren't asked to do too much. I just hope for entertainment purposes it's a close game.
Again, obviously I'm rooting for the Patriots to win it is all, but as a football fan either of these teams winning would be an incredible story. You have the potential of the Vikings lead by journeyman Case Keenum being the first ever team to play in a home Super Bowl trying to win their first Super Bowl. Then there's the Eagles who for the first 10 or so weeks of the season looked like clear cut Super Bowl favorites with a quarterback in Carson Wentz who seemed like he was in line for league MVP. Then Wentz goes down against the Rams with a torn ACL and immediately everybody (including me) writes them off. Seriously I gave them no chance going into the playoffs
Yet much like the 2016 Green Day song "Still Breathing" the Eagles are still alive aka still breathing, and just like the Vikings they too are trying to win their first Super Bowl in franchise history.
As a fan of narratives it does seem like it's the Vikings year, but tbh that just makes me think they're gonna find a way to lose even more. I'm going with the trend until it proves me wrong, and the trend from 50 years has been that the Vikings lose in the playoffs in the most heartbreaking ways. They went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs last week and now are one win away from being the first ever true home Super Bowl team. It would be sooooo fitting for them to lose this game. It just makes all the sense in the world that they'll somehow lose this game. Just knowing they're just a win over Nick Foles away from hosting the Super Bowl. It would be all-time Vikings to lose this game. The Eagles are playing at home and are as of now 3 point underdogs. This historically plays to Philly's favor as they're undefeated at home as an underdog in the playoffs. The Eagles are also quite accustom to playoff misery. You'll notice no Super Bowl banners waving at the Linc on Sunday. In a way it's like an the old immovable object vs unstoppable force theory of historically snake-bitten franchises. One of these teams has to win and make it to the Super Bowl. Crazy I know. My heart says Vikings but my head says Eagles. I think the X factor in this game is old friend LeGarrette Blount who has lost carries to Jay Ajayi but has a knack for big playoff performances. I think the Eagles will need to rely on the run because I just don't see Nick Foles having a ton of success vs. that Minnesota secondary. As I type I still haven't come to a clear cut decision, but fuck it I am picking the Vikings. If they're ever going to do it, this is the year. No road team has won a conference championship game since the 2012 season and I think that changes here. I'm totally getting sucked into the trap picking but that's okay I'm basically just saying this to myself since nobody reads DOL anymore (prove me wrong!) Vikings: 20 Eagles: 17 Song: My Sweet Lord Artist: George Harrison Album: All Things Must Pass |
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