As a man of my size, sometimes I feel like a hypocrite bashing unhealthy things because, I mean, look at me...but I'm tryna clean up my act. I'm 31 years old, and despite my affinity for dark humor, I want to be around for a long time. I've been going to the gym consistently since November. I'm working towards my goal of having a whore summer. There are many things I'd like to accomplish before humanity collapses and I need to get in shape to enjoy them.
I get it, we all have our vices, but I've never understood the appeal of tobacco. What's the fucking point? Maybe it's because I was born into a generation that knew all the horrors of the substance from the get-go. Plus I'm a reefer guy. Sure, I had a cig summer back in 2014, but that mainly was so I wouldn't be alone at a bar when everybody else left to rip a butt. Thankfully I never got into vapes. I think they're so fucking lame (sorry, Mike McDaniel) and I judge the shit out of everybody addicted to sucking flash drives, but then I'm like, Dozo, you were over 4 bills, my guy, who are you to give people shit for unhealthy things? You get (at least) five items every Taco Bell order. But fuck it. I'm an American, baby, that's who! We can do whatever we want! People who couldn't pass high school biology think they know better than doctors and scientists. It's our God-given right to be hypocrites. Why should the GQP house fix any of the issues they cried about that were their fault to begin with when they can bring back cigs inside?! That's what freedumb is all about! "THERE'S NOTHING MORE AMERICAN THAN RIPPIN HEATERS!!! ARE WE EVEN SURE THEY'RE DANGEROUS"-Cucker
Since That 90's Show starts in a few days, I started rewatching That 70's Show on The Cock in preparation, which caused me to dive back into the Time Magazine Vault.
Even though the series spans from May 17th, 1976-December 31st, 1979, over EIGHT seasons, I've been digging through the entire decade, and this cover caught my eye.
While looking for the cover article, I did what I always do on this tremendous resource; I scanned the whole thing to check out vintage ads and first-hand accounts of the newsworthy events from these moments in Time. I love seeing the progression of style, format, photo quality...pretty much every aspect of its growth.
Side note: I know this is from 1975 and it was a different world, but look at how blunt & fucked up this first sentence is lol.
Mad Men is my all-time favorite drama, and as previously stated in this blog, I'm an American. So I know advertising is important. I find it interesting but also terrible, kinda like everything on TLC. As a writer, I know one of the biggest ways to make money in this industry is through advertisements. I understand their purpose; I'm just blown away by the ad distribution that inspired this blog.
This July 14th, 1975 article of Time is 80 pages long. It's really 80 slides long with the cover, but let's call it 80 pages for the sake of math and easiness. Of these 80 pages, 30 were advertisements; of those 30, all the cigarette ads are below.
Page 1
Page 14
Page 30
Page 37
Page 43
Page 57
Page 65
Page 72
Page 80
If you lost count, I've got you....
That's right. Nine (9) of 80 pages are for cancer sticks. 11.25% of the July 14th, 1975 Time is cig ads. It's basically a cigarette catalog with a couple stories about potential customers. It's fucking disgusting, just like the backward ass thought process of the GOP and anybody who supports asinine things like removing metal detectors and resurrecting cigs in the Capitol. I can't believe anybody listens to a word Tucker Carlson says. He really simped for big tobacco in that clip. Like how fucking stupid can you be to ask what's so dangerous about tobacco?
I've had a slow start to blogging in 2023 (this is only blog #8 of the year so far). That's cause your boi's been going through some shit, but at like 2 am, I came across this magazine and was blown away from how Time was mostly cigarette ads. I decided to blog about it and mix it's loose relevance to some recent news. That's what DOL is all about. Stay away from cigs. Say what's up to reefer. P.S. This is still true (not really, but 2016 Dozie looks cute af here, sans ciggy in my Tim Riggins t)
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Song: Let's Groove (1981) Artist: Earth, Wind & Fire Album: Raise! This song/video makes me so fucking happy (which I need rn cause I'm watching the Amber Alert doc on The Cock and it's a total bummer). It's literally oozing swag. Ya boi Dozie loves some EWF. These 1981 graphics are killing me. I can't even begin to imagine how wild this must've been on early 80s dirt weed or maybe even a lude. Man, I wish I could dance. Someone needs to invent a rhythm shot/pill. I'd take that shit daily if it worked! If I had moves like these I'd be unstoppable. For the first time in my life, I'm writing an NFL playoff preview blog as a fantasy championship. I know the struggles of fighting and clawing all season for a chance at the ship only to be have your heartbroken along the way. This year I finally got to the mountain top. The eventual Super Bowl winner might not even be playing this weekend, but the past two champs played in the Wild Card Round. This year, every Wild Card Weekend matchup is a rematch from the regular season, so all these matchups have a little added backstory going in (which I love as a narrative guy). Let's take a look what's in store for SUPER WILD CARD WEEKEND!! Saturday Slate: 4:30 p.m. (ET) (7) Seattle Seahawks at (2) San Francisco 49ers (FOX, FOX Deportes) The 49ers are the hottest team in the NFL. They haven't lost since week 7. Pound for pound, they may have the most talented roster in the league. Brock Purdy's been a great story (I'm still waiting for the wheels to fall off), and he's playing well as Mr. Irrelevant. I just have this weird feeling the Seahawks will pull off a major upset. I love this 49ers roster, and if they get past Seattle, as most are expecting, I could see them winning the NFC, they're that good, but these are two teams that know each other well. Divisional matchups in the playoffs are the ultimate X-factor. Sure, the 49ers are 2-0 vs. Seattle this year and are a much better team across the board, but it's tough to beat an opponent three times in one season. Seattle's defense is ass, but they have enough playmakers on offense to make it interesting. You know Big Ben was 14-0 his rookie year and got killed by the Pats in the playoffs. At only 5-0, it wouldn't shock me to see the clock strike midnight for Brock (I've only seen him play on redzone). I wanted the Lions to get the final playoff spot, but I'm happy for Seattle. They've been a remarkable story this season. I thought they'd be a 3 or 4-win team, but with Geno Smith's Renaissance and a great young running back in Kenneth Walker III, they've been a pleasant surprise. They've cooled off going from 6-3 to 9-8, but I respect Pete Carroll. Of course, it's fun to shit on him for Super Bowl 49, but he's a future Hall of Fame coach vs. Kyle Shanahan, who always finds a way to blow it. Don't forget Pete's 7-9 Seahawks beat the defending champion Saints in 2010. The Hawks have a chip on their shoulder and have already won the Russ trade, but imagine if they added a playoff win to that storyline?? I think they do with the shaky Jason Myers hitting a walk-off winner. I am putting my money where my mouth is and peppering Seahawks ML. Seahawks 24 49ers 23 8:15 p.m. (ET) (5) Los Angeles Chargers at (4) Jacksonville Jaguars (NBC, Peacock, Universo) I love this matchup and am bummed we won't see Mike Williams on the field since Brandon Staley is an awful coach. These two teams met early in week 3, but that doesn't mean shit here. James Robinson rushed for 100 yards and a TD. The Chargers were missing everybody. I'm not putting much stock into that game. What I am putting stock into is the Jaguars' swag and the Chargers' history of Charging. Losing Mike Williams in a meaningless game is so fucking Chargers it hurts. The should-still-be-in-San-Diego Chargers are a fun team, but Brandon Staley is a bottom-five coach in the NFL, and he'll end up leaving 3-10 points on the field. The Chargers should win, they're a way more talented roster, but Duuuuval's will be rocking. Trevor Lawrence has never lost a football game played on a Saturday. That's enough for me. Doug Pederson could easily be Coach of the Year, but I think Daboll's gonna take it home. Jaguars 24 Chargers 21 Sunday Slate: 1:00 p.m. (ET) (7) Miami Dolphins at (2) Buffalo Bills (CBS, Paramount+) I'm not gonna waste your time here. Sure, it's a divisional matchup, and the Dolphins did beat the Bills in Miami in week 4 and kept things close in Buffalo, but these Bills are playing with purpose. They might go all the way for Damar. Those two kickoff return TDs against the Pats was some Disney-ass shit. Meanwhile, the Dolphins are on their 3rd string QB. The line should be Bills -20. Josh Allen loves to turn the ball over, so if he turns it over five times, Miami may have a chance, but the last time the Dolphins won a playoff game, the Twin Towers were still intact. Bills 37 Dolphins 10 P.S. The Dolphins started 3-0, lost 3 straight, won 5 in a row, lost 5 straight, and won week 18 to steal the 7 seed. When they lose this game it'll make a pretty sweet pattern. WWWLLLWWWWWLLLLLWL 4:30 p.m. (ET) (6) New York Giants at (3) Minnesota Vikings (FOX, FOX Deportes) This matchup of bad-good teams should be fun; they played a nail-bitter on Christmas Eve Day that ended on a 61-yard walk-off. I don't think the Giants have any chance to go on a deep run, but they could win this game because the Vikings are quite possibly the most fraudulent team in NFL history (13-4 with a -3 point differential). Minnesota's defense is terrible, but luckily for them, the Giants aren't explosive. But if it's like 17-3 Vikings in the 2nd quarter, it could be game over. I'm expecting a close, grind-it-out type of game. This could be the last time Danny Dimes dons a G-men uniform, but I think he does just enough to fight another week (they should resign him regardless). Kirko Cousins is lucky this game isn't in prime time because if it were, it'd be like Giants -4.5. I originally picked Vikings and even have a long shot future for them to win the NFC, but I'm drinking the Giant kool-aid for my guy Chizo!! This is the square upset that everybody has and I'm on it too. Giants 19 Vikings 17 8:15 p.m. (ET) (6) Baltimore Ravens at (3) Cincinnati Bengals (NBC, Peacock, Telemundo) Another divisional rematch, but if Lamar is out there's no point of wasting any of our time writing about it. I low key think Cincy is gonna win it all. I might pepper a future on them, but I am a little worried about how banged up their o-line is. I also don't think Zac Taylor is a good coach. He's just there, it doesn't feel like he elevates this loaded roster. Bengals 27 Ravens 16 Monday Night Football: 8:15 p.m. (ET) (5) Dallas Cowboys at (4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (ESPN/ABC, ESPN2-Manningcast, ESPN+, ESPN Deportes) The Bucs have no business being in the playoffs. They played with their food all season long, but 8-9 was enough to clinch the NFC South. The Cowboys have been the same team since the end of the triplets. They are allergic to playoff success, even with 10-13 wins. I don't believe in Dak, and while the Bucs fucking suck, Tom Brady does not. It's funny we think he's fallen off when his numbers this year were better than Peyton Manning's 08 MVP season (although that's one of the least-deserved MVPs in the history of professional sports). TB12 is undefeated against the Cowboys, and while Brady's lost in the playoffs as an undefeated QB in the past, he gets it done in what ends up being the final win of his Bucs tenure.
Bucs 20 Cowboys 17
I'm not deliberately trying to rebrand myself as a drink guy, but that's the thing about life, you never know where it's gonna take you. I didn't think 2023 would start like this, but here's my 2nd straight blog regarding drinks. I'm starting this at 3:00 am and don't feel like digging into the DOL logs, but off the top of my head, I don't think I wrote any soda blogs in 2022.
Soda isn't really my swag. I mean, I have it in mixies, and when I get fast food combos (at Taco Bell, I prefer a Brisk Mango Tea), but I enjoyed a Sierra Mist now and then. Unfortunately, they're as dead as Lisa Marie (R.I.P.I.P.). I learned of PepsiCo's re-invention of its lemon-lime soda via this Instragam post.
Being 31 is weird. I remember Sierra Mist coming out. Its name was perfect for 1999 with that X-Games, alt-rock culture. Sierra Mist was cool, man. It was around for over 20 years and is gone without warning. I definitely fucked with it and am sad to see it go. I had no idea Sierra Mist was doing so poorly. It's wild to me that a soda (or anything) can make a BILLION DOLLARS, but that's not enough. You're never gonna top Sprite, bro.
Starry is an objectively worse name. It sounds like a diet pill from the 70s for newly divorced women. Who knows, maybe it'll be good? Apparently, it's more true to fruit. I'll for sure try it, and if it stinks, we know there's a precedent of soda companies ditching failing products from adverse fan reactions. Who knows if Sierra Mist is dead for good like the former Mrs. MJ or simply 2023's "New Coke?" I just don't dig this name at all. Starry sorta feels like a new stealthy anti-semitic dog whistle (which is never good). I could totally see someone who cried about lady M&M's yelling at their daughter, "Valerie. I won't let you move to New York; it's too...starry." I love the colorway on the cans. I'll give Pepsi that. The bold pops and everybody knows Dozo is a sucker for green & yellow. I love when the Celtics mix it in. The 70's Oakland A's jerseys are all-timers. I don't hate the can at all, but the diamond in the S looks a little too much like the Steelers/Steel logo. Will charges be pressed??? You could argue there are some low-key Steeler vibes on the can with black, yellow, an S, and that little diamond. This name just fucking stinks. I can't imagine myself ordering that at a drive-thru. Depending on your accent, it could sound like you're saying "story," which could get confusing if the person on the order end is a creative soul and thinks you're saying, "I'll have a story." Lines are already slow enough. For the record, since it's now 3:41 am, I'm naturally a little paranoid. I'm gonna start my nightly shutdown procedures after finishing this blog. I just have to reiterate I DON'T like the name, and that argument I made, while solid and funny, is NOT an endorsement of using Starry as a new slur. That's not what I want. That will not be my legacy. I'm saying it sucks because I could see it being used that way. By the way, I haven't officially mentioned it on the blog, but I did win my fantasy league. I was gonna do a recap blog, but after the Damar Hamlin situation, that felt in poor taste. Instead, I'm sprinkling it in a soda obituary. I'm glad to hear Damar's doing better. I hope he makes a full recovery and can continue his career if that's what he wants. R.I.P. Sierra Mist
P.S.
R.I.P. Lisa Marie Presley. I wonder if she liked Sierra Mist?
Double P.S.
This is my favorite Sierra Mist can. I just added the Shrek one because who doesn't love Shrek? What a relic!
Song: Flowers (2023) Artist: Miley Cyrus Album: Endless Summer Vacation I picked this as today's SOD like 10 seconds after discovering it on Apple Music. It's solid. The album cover is hot and strong. I wasn't about Miley's 2013 shit but I loved her song with Mark Ronson "Nothing Breaks Like a Heart." I rarely skip it when it comes on Ryan Radio. I'm pretty sure it made my best of 2018 list. I had the "Flowers" video going in the background as I typed and didn't look at it until 1:06 because I dig that part and wanted to see it's timestamp; I like what I see. Check it out for yourself below!
I don't have many healthy habits. That's something I'm trying to improve in 2023 (I've been going to the gym 4ish times a week since early November), but one healthy thing about ur boi that I absolute crush is drinking plenty of water. I literally cannot get enough of the stuff. My whistle is constantly wet. They say you can't survive more than three days without water. I don't think I'd last 3 hours. Some people wake up in the middle of the night to piss; I wake up to drink more water. There's nothing like some ice-cold h2o. It's my favorite beverage. My water reusable bottles have gotten progressively bigger over the years (just like me). Currently, I sip out of a cruise missile.
I used to burn through bottled water like Republicans burn history books. Now, I use my bottle as much as I can to save money and do my part to cut down on plastics, but if I had to pick a brand, I am a Poland Spring guy for life. It's goated. I'm not here to judge you if you still drink bottled water......unless it's Dasani.
Dasani makes Flint's water supply look like Evian. It is absolute fucking trash. You can taste the "minerals" in it, and honestly, I wouldn't trust it to put out a fire. It's probably flammable. You're better off drinking off a gutter. Unfortunately, I've drank enough Dasani in my day to fill up an Olympic swimming pool, but that's only because it's what was available at the pizza place I worked in during college (and three years after) since we were a Coke restaurant. I haven't willingly bought a Dasani in my entire life. I refuse to believe it's anybody's first choice. Who the fuck is seeking out a Dasani? Last night, Milwaukee Bucks coach Mike Budenholzer took a sip of Dasani, and you would've thought he drank Stiffler's "spiked" beer from American Pie 2.
Bud's reaction says it all. I've seen better responses from 6-year olds trying Brussels sprouts. Drinking Dasani is like sucking on spare change. It tastes terrible. It's water in the same way that mud or piss is water. Sure, there's "water" in Dasani, but there's also enough salt to clear a highway so you'll buy more and more and more. That's the biggest problem with Dasani. It's a production of capitalism and never be satisfied. I'm not a big soda guy, but there's no denying the people at Coca-Cola are doing something right. People love it; it's everywhere. Coke is so popular that parts of the country call all soda coke. It has that big of a grasp (and southerns are that dumb). But Coke doesn't need to make water. They were doing fine before Dasani and they'd be fine without it. I'm sure they make billions off it by forcing places that sell Sprite to also sell their nail polish remover disguised as water, but it has to stop. It's gonna end up killing someone. I'd rather drink out of a puddle and by the looks of it, so would Coach Bud.
Song: C'est Comme Ça (2023) Artist: Paramore Album: This Is Why Sorry 4 being a depressed bum and only writing one blog so far in 2023. The boi is back!
I wasn't gonna blog today. It's unofficial NYD part II. There will be no Song of the Day blog to start the year; instead, DOL is thinking about Bill Safety Damar Hamlin. I'm starting this blog at 9:56 pm, and there's yet to be any official news, but there's no way they'll continue playing tonight.
It's a fucking tragedy and terrifying reality of the game. Honestly, I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often. You can try to make the game safer, but as long as massive professional athletes play this game, this is an unfortunate reality. At this point, pretty much everybody has the same information, which isn't a lot, but whenever you hear CPR, it's not fucking good. Tonight has one of those "where were you when" moments. This was suppo...the game has officially been suspended. It's now 10:01 pm. The game has been suspended. I personally think they should just call it a tie and move on. Yes, this game, on paper, was one of the best matchups in the over 50-year history of Monday Night Football. 12-3 Buffalo Bills @ 11-4 Cincinnati Bengals, but that doesn't fucking matter rn. You hate to speculate, but we all feel it. This young man's life is at stake. It's so fucking sad and just another reminder of how fragile life is. I was at the gym on the bike, watching the game, and texting friends. A couple minutes after the hit, I got a call from my mom and knew exactly what she was calling about. It's basically NYD. There's a feeling of optimism and starting fresh, but life goes on regardless of the date. Horrible things can happen. Life is so fragile. The hit didn't even look that scary. There are a dozen hits a week where you see something and are shocked someone wasn't seriously hurt. It's just the freak part of the game. I don't know what's gonna happen. I love football. It's hands down my favorite sport. My days as a key returner and key loss Division III Rhode Island high school football player, shaped me and still affect me to this day. I'll always think of myself as a former football player. My old teammates are my brothers. I love this game, and I'm sure the players on the Bills and Bengals feel the same way about their teammates. I can't even begin to imagine how they're feeling. I can't fathom seeing one of my teammates go down like that and being expected to play. If there's any positive to take from this, it's that the game's been postponed. I feel like that would not have happened even five years ago. I bet there are ass holes out here who hate this decision and just want to see a game and don't care about what happens to the men who make this great game possible, but it's the right call. This game should be postponed. I don't know how you handle it this late in the season; frankly, it doesn't matter. All that matters is the well-being of Damar Hamlin. I feel weird using the word luckily given the circumstances, but luckily his family was there and is with him now. They said on TV that his mom rode in the ambulance with him. What happened tonight is terrifying, and I hope it's not as bad as we all think it could be, but in a way, it's better that his family was there instead of watching on TV across the country. I feel like that'd be a million times worse. I don't know. This just fucking sucks. I hate this. I wish it wasn't something that happened in a game, but sadly it is. Of course, this moment will raise questions, especially if this man loses his life, but injuries like this make you wonder about the game's future. There's so much money at stake, I don't think the NFL is going anywhere soon, but this league is only 103 years old. Nothing lasts forever. As society progresses and we learn more about the risks of this game, who knows if the league will see 200? SVP is on in the background as this type this, and they're showing clips of the player's reaction, and you just see all these grown men weeping and in pain. These warriors that we look up to as almost modern-day gladiators. For them to have this reaction, you know things aren't good, and really all we can do at this time is hope for the best. Maybe you pray, perhaps you don't. I get it either way. I hate thoughts and prayers after school shootings when they solve nothing, but I genuinely send my thoughts and prayers to Damar Hamlin and his family. Only 24 years old, such a young life. I'm sure he was amped for this huge game, and then before 9 pm he's literally in a fight for his life. Unfortunately, serious injuries are a part of the game, and people have died playing it. I remember when Al Lucas died in an Arena League game in 2005. In 1971 Chuck Hughes of the Detroit Lions became the first and so far only player to die in an NFL game. We all hope he was the last, but we aren't sure at this very moment, and that's a fucking terrible thing. It fucking blows. There's such a somber feeling on what was supposed to be such a great night. I watch most MNF games, but I was legitimately excited for this game. I know millions of other people were too. Now we're all just hoping that this young man is alright. I fucking hate that I have to start my 2023 blogging year like this, but this is dozonlife, and life is full of twists and turns. Tragedies happen, and unfortunately, this year began with one. Nobody cares about this game right now. Nobody cares that I won a fantasy championship right now. There are more significant issues. You can hear the pain and fear in everybody's voice. This shit is so fucking scary. I feel like I'm just going in circles, and sure I peppered in a few classic DOL bits to try to make this piece more me and add a little humor in such a horrible time, but this is a serious moment. I'm glad the players aren't playing. Thank God they aren't. It would be such a bad fucking look. I'm sure Roger Goodell is pissed, but that's to be expected. Refund the tickets, call it a tie and move on. I love that the players said we're not playing. That's how you you use your power for good. Fuck the NFL and Goodell being like take five and get back out there. My hat is tipped to the Bills and Bengals for taking things into their own hands. Thoughts and Prayers for Damar Hamlin; we're all thinking about you and hoping for the best. Update from Damar's agent:
I'll admit, I didn't know this name before the injury. It looks like Damar Hamlin was a hashtag good guy. I'm really hoping he pulls through and makes a full recovery.
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