I still cannot comprehend what happened last night. I'm gonna do my best to go over the game but first let's bang out an easy one. One of the biggest story lines going into the Super Bowl was the relationship between Roger Goodell and the Patriots. But it was really Roger Goodell vs. Tom Brady. It seemed pretty clear that Goodell had a personal vendetta against Brady after all he put him through. For nearly two years Goodell tried to destroy Tom Brady over a crime that was equivalent to jay walking even if there had been proof it occurred. (There wasn't any proof) Despite no concrete evidence he suspended Tom Brady for four games just because he could, there had been no precedent for a violation like this. Took away a 1st and 4th round draft pick from the team, and fined them a million bucks too just to rub a little salt in the wound. After Brady got the suspension overturned. Goodell found a way to get that overturned. The only way Brady and the Patriots could really get "pay-back" now was to win. They tried in courts but failed. All that was left was to be the best. They had to win the Super Bowl and crash the party at the biggest day of Roger Goodell's year. Anything less would be a failure. The best satisfaction would be to have Roger Goodell hand over the trophy to the team he hates most and the face of that team, Tom Brady. Patriot fans and Goodell haters across this great nation wanted to see how Tom would react to the commissioner. We all pictured what we'd do in Brady's shoes (at least I did). At many times last night it seemed like that opportunity wouldn't happen. Things were looking bleak. But as we've all seen for over 15 years, you can never count out Tom Brady. Other than the rain of boos from the crowd the trophy presentation was tame IMO. Brady and the Patriots handled it with class when they didn't have to. If I were them I'd be rubbing it in Goodell's face. Real great time for Brady to pull a "too slow" on Roger with the handshake. Unfortunately that awesome moment didn't happen. Instead Brady took the high road. By handling it with class and dignity, they won again by showing Goodell it isn't even about him. It's about being the best team of all time, who just pulled off the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. They weren't going to let that dictator steal their glory. However Tommy did have a little stab at Roger ready in a pre-taped commercial (all commercials are pre-taped technically, Doz) for Shields MRI that was released after the Pats won. There was a very similar commercial released in October. Originally Brady was putting his four Super Bowl Rings away in a locker before it got his MRI. Obviously Tom Brady carries around all four rings before going to get a medical procedure, like we all do. After he put them in the locker, he asked if that was all? Tom said "for now" Let's what that one first. Well that all changed after the greatest comeback in the history of the Super Bowl. In a commercial that was filmed way back in October Brady called his shot. He had a 5th ring to put away that he forgot about because it was new. When the lady told Brady he's gonna need a bigger locker to put all those rings in he had one thing to say. ROGER THAT. Simply put by another Tommy: I honestly still can't believe the game last night, but I'll get into that in other posts today. For this let's just enjoy this moment, ROGER THAT.
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Song: A Beautiful Morning Artist: The Rascals For the 7th time I get to watch my favorite team play in the Super Bowl. At 25 years old that's insane. That's not supposed to happen, that's not how sports work. We've heard all the cliches about how the NFL is set up for teams to not be great over a long period of time, between the salary cap, parity in the league and free agency teams can't stay together forever. It's true yet thanks to three constants: Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft the Patriots have been consistently the best team in football for over 15 years. A big story line going into this game was about all the experience the Patriots have in the Super Bowl and how the Falcons have almost none. What's more telling about that stat to me is how the Patriots roster only has 23 players I believe with Super Bowl experience when they were in the game just two years ago. Now already over half of the roster is gone. Change happens and it happens quickly in the NFL. Look at a team like the 49ers. A few years ago they were one of the best in football, appearing in three straight NFC championship games and made Super Bowl 47. Now they're one of the worst teams in the entire league. In the blink of an eye your championship window can be slammed shut. Love or hate the Patriots you have to respect the fact that they're doing this for the 7th time since 2001. That will never happen again. What they've accomplished in any 5 year window during this run is more successful than most teams in the league do in a decade. I'm a Patriots fan and I know a lot of my readers are as well and I just have to say this, we need to realize this isn't going to last forever. Tom Brady is 39 years old. Bill Belichick has been the Patriots head coach for 17 seasons. We're a lot closer to the end than the beginning. I don't think it will be, but there's a chance this is the final time we see the two together in the Super Bowl. Even though it seems like they're in the big game every other year you cannot take this for granted. We just assume we can pencil the Pats in for 12 wins and a berth in the AFC Championship game every year when in reality that is insanely hard to achieve and is something that like 28 other teams in the NFL would kill for. I hate saying this because it's a loser mentality, but I honestly believe potentially losing this game shouldn't hurt the Patriots legacy. I know that's not how it'd play out and large majority of Patriot haters will use it as an opportunity to talk shit, but appearing in 7 Super Bowls and having a winning record in them is a crazy feat. IMO Brady and Belichick are already the best quarterback and head coach in the history of the NFL, everything else they do at this point is just icing on the cake. The duo has a chance to win their 5th Super Bowl together. Something no player-coach combo in the history of the National Football League can say. What they've accomplished together will never be matched. That being said of course I want them to win and think they will, but it's a team game. Even though MY team has won 4 Super Bowls I still think it's kind of unfair for that to be the "be all end all" when talking greatness. Championships are obviously very important and do matter but there's so many factors and other great teams and players, getting to and winning this game once is a huge deal. I've said it before but if Malcolm Butler doesn't make that interception and the Patriots lose Super Bowl 49 Tom Brady still had 4 touchdowns 2 INT, and a Super Bowl record 37 completions. But because of the INT it's remembered as an all time great performance, had they lost is he the goat (bad kind) for two costly turnovers, including one in the endzone? That one play shouldn't be what determines a quarterback's legacy, but that's how it goes. I've gone back and forth a million times this week. I started out thinking the Falcons had no chance to stop the Patriots offense and wasn't really giving them any respect. I'd talk to people and say I think we win by two touchdowns. As days passed and we got closer to kick off I got more nervous as I tend to do. Two weeks to think about a game is a lonnngggg time. Negative thoughts start to creep in. I think despite having the best scoring defense in the NFL the Patriots have not faced a challenge like the Falcons offense. They're historically one of the best in league history, I think they scored like the 8th most points of all time. It's going to be a tall task to shut down Matt Ryan, Julio Jones and the rest of the Falcons weapons. I'm very worried about how this defense will contain the Atlanta offense. I think despite it not hurting them yet, no Gronk is a big deal. The Patriots have been on this amazing run without the best TE in the history of the NFL. I'm worried about Gostowski. He's been shaky this season and after a long stretch of going back to form he did miss another PAT in the AFC Championship game. I'm worried about having to potentially rely on him for a big kick late in the game. The New England Patriots despite all their success in this run did have a 10 year drought between championships. I got into the Pats at the perfect time and it you want to be a hardo and call it bandwagon jumping you can, but I don't see it that way because I was so young but since 4th grade when I starting understanding football the Patriots were great. In three of my first four years where I can truly remember football they won the Super Bowl. I thought this was going to be what happened every year. I soon learned how hard it was to win. Despite great teams for a decade the Patriots would come up just short. Now they have a chance to win two in three years. I can remember vividly after playoff loses year after year, wondering to myself will Tom Brady ever win a Super Bowl again? It shouldn't matter so much to me, but it does. It's stupid to get so caught up in something that you have no impact on and is just there for entertainment but I can't help it. I love this team. I know I'm way too emotionally invested in this team but frankly I don't give a fuck and am not going to apologize. I love the New England Patriots. A lot. They're responsible for some for some of the greatest memories of my life. Being a Patriots fan is a huge part of who I am. It's where I'm from. It's something that brings people together. How this game goes realistically is going to impact how the rest of this year goes for me. There is no joy quite like "we're Super Bowl champs" joy, and there's no pain like losing in this game. I don't want to deal with another Super Bowl loss. It's the fucking worst. I don't care what the score is as long as the Patriots have more points than the Falcons I'll be happy. In my heart of hearts I just don't see how the Patriots lose this game. Although I said the same thing in 2008 and we all know how that turned out. But the situation is just too perfect giving all this team has gone through with deflategate and everything. They have a chance to once again win a championship and shut the haters up. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm terrified. I'm ready for this game to start. If the Patriots lose you may not hear from me for a little while. However I think there's no way Tom Brady lets his team lose this game. I know despite all that they've said to the media that the Patriots want to win this game and have that awkward moment with Roger Goodell. I think it happens. My official score prediction: Patriots 34 Falcons 24 Song: Ready to Start (live) Artist: Arcade Fire Album: The Suburbs (2010) IS IT 6:30 YET?!? I've been retired from gambling for over half the season. It sucks but it's for the best, I've been trying to save my cash so I can start being a real boy. Definitely not retired for good. But currently retired. That could change come Sunday. But as I type this on February 3rd 2017, I am retired. Despite being retired and never cashing out ahead I am a good gambler. I don't care what anybody says I know enough about sports to be a decent gambler. I turned 100 bucks into $3500 last year. Did I see a cent of it? No, but I've had success building bank rolls before. I know what I'm talking about. In the Super Bowl you can bet on basically anything. It's beautiful, there are hundreds of way to make money in this game. Sure you could be boring and bet the spread but with props you could wager on something like what will be higher "Tom Brady Rushing yards or Donald Trump interview with Bill O'Reilly in minutes?". The entire list of official Super Bowl Prop Bets is up on oddsharks.com www.oddsshark.com/super-bowl/props. Check it out, but it's rather lengthy so being the stand up guy I am I am going to give you some of the bets I think are the best for this game. Could be on value, what I find funny, or bets that are actually pretty smart choices to make. Do whatever you want, if you lose money don't blame me I don't have a gun to your head, but if you win it'd be good karma to send a little my way. Was my beak. Let's talk a look. Oh before I do being, if you don't understand gambling odds they're all based off $100. When a number is + that means it's more improbable to happen. So in a normal game if a teams money line is +1000 it means if you bet $100 you'd win $1000 should they win, but that would have to be a very big upset to happen. But for props anything is possible and with small bets, throwing $20 on something that's +500 or something could be a nice little payday. When a number is - that means it's more probable to happen and this is where huge bets on closer to "sure things" happens. Like when the Patriots played the Browns this year they were huge favorites. I don't remember the odds but lets say the Patriots money line was -1000. That means you'd need to wager 1000 to profit $100. Got it? Good. Let's get started. Coin Toss: Heads: -105 Tails: -105 One of the most popular prop bets is on the outcome of the coin toss. In 50 Super Bowls it's 26 heads 24 tails. So over 50 tries the laws of probability are playing out. I'm a tails never fails guy til the death of me so if I was betting on that I'm obviously going tails. This is basically like the red or black at the roulette wheel of prop bets except it's actually better odds because of no 0/00 outcome to put the odds in the houses favor. Where most props have a cap this is a spot where gamblers will try to make big money on a 50/50 shot. Official DOL Bet: TAILS -105 Length of National Anthem: Over/Under: 2:15 Each side pays -120 Luke Bryan is the Anthem singer for this year's Super Bowl. Not only can you bet on the length of his National Anthem but you can also bet on whether or not he'll be wearing jeans (Jeans -200, any other pants +150) or if he'll have on a hat before he begins (yes/no -120). I think this is one of the bigger degenerate bets in the Super Bowl. According the Oddshark the average length of the anthem over the last 11 Super Bowls is 1:58. I would not touch this. But what I do love about some of these props is how they can easily be fixed. Like Luke Bryan could not wear blue jeans and bet against it and make a killing. I don't know how that hasn't happened yet but if I was in his shoes I would. I'm going against the grain here and let it be known even if I were to come out of retirement for the game I'd never in a million years bet on the anthem but I'll take the over. Official DOL Bet: Over 2:15 -120. Will Luke Bryan Forget or Omit a Word From the National Anthem: Yes: +400 No: -700 I love the value of yes here. It's obviously a long shot but the National Anthem is tough song, I'm sure he's practiced a ton and everything but you cannot replicate the pressure of doing it live. I don't expect this to happen but at +400 to forgive a single word the value is too good to pass up. Again if I'm Luke Bryan I'm not wearing a hat, wearing black pants and leaving a word out of the Anthem. Have yourself a nice little extra payday. Official DOL Bet: Yes +400 HALFTIME SHOW - WHICH SONG WILL LADY GAGA SING FIRST? Born This Way +225 Bad Romance +250 Edge of Glory +600 Poker Face +1000 Just Dance +1000 Any Other Song +110 Yet another bet that someone with some insider information can make a killing on. I'm a Lady Gaga guy and need to get in touch with her people, Poker Face is a classic and what really started it all for her she should sing it and help us degenerates make a killing on the longshot. This bet is where value is key all of those songs give a pretty good RTI. However I think Gaga is going to with something from her latest album. This feels like sucker bet to me. With the value though $10 on Just Dance or Poker Face is totally worth it. Of all the songs listed I think Born This Way is the least likely to be played first. Pick whatever you want here. Smart bet is the field but I'm not a smart bet guy. Lock me in with Poker Face I'm a sucker. Official DOL Bet: Poker Face +1000 First Touchdown Scorer: Julio Jones (ATL) +750 Devonta Freeman (ATL) +800 Julian Edelman (NE) +800 LeGarrette Blount (NE) +800 Tevin Coleman (ATL) +1200 Chris Hogan (NE) +1200 Dion Lewis (NE) +1200 Martellus Bennett (NE) +1200 Mohamed Sanu (ATL) +1400 Taylor Gabriel (ATL) +1600 James White (NE) +1800 Malcolm Mitchell (NE) +1800 Austin Hooper (ATL) +2200 Danny Amendola (NE) +2200 Tom Brady (NE) +2500 Matt Ryan (ATL) +2800 Justin Hardy (ATL) +3300 Levine Toilolo (ATL) +3300 Eric Weems (ATL) +6600 Joshua Perkins (ATL) +6600 Any Other Touchdown Scorer +550 The odds here make first touchdown one of the best prop bets of the entire Super Bowl. This is where bettors can make some serious money. What's great here is usually books will let you bet on multiple guys. If you're a serious bettor or someone with some serious extra cash laying around this is a bet where you can have a crazy profit. Julio Jones at +750 to me is a must bet. With someone of his caliber being at +750 you have to throw some coin there. However with each team there are some fantastic long shots that pay out very well. IMO these are the smartest bets given the potential RTI. James White +1800 James White has filled in for the Kevin Faulk/Danny Woodhead/Shane Vereen role nicely for the Pats this season. He doesn't play a ton of downs for the Patriots, but he's had pretty good numbers for 3rd down back this year. 60 grabs for 551 yards and 5 touchdowns. I could totally see him scoring on a 3rd down situation early in the game. Although Dion Lewis has stolen time from White since he returned the Patriots have shown that they'll switch up their entire game plans on a weekly basis. I wouldn't be shocked if James White had a big role in this game for the Pats. Brady already has found him once in the playoffs so you know he trusts him. Danny Amendola: +2200 I just love DA. At +2200 a $10 bet wins $220. So worth it. He's scored 4 touchdowns this year in a diminished role so even as the Pats 4th receiver you never know. Mohammed Sanu: +1400 Sanu is the Falcons 2nd reciever at those odds especially if the Pats are trying to shut down Julio early I could see a situation where Matt Ryan finds Sanu for 6 early in the game. Austin Hooper: +2200 The rookie TE only scored 3 touchdowns all year but he's technically their starting TE. Bill Belichick loves to make lesser guys beat you. In the Super Bowl I could see their star weapons like Jones and Freeman being held in check early so a no name like Hooper to score first actually isn't as crazy as a bet as you'd think. ANYTIME TOUCHDOWN SCORER Julio Jones (ATL) -150 LeGarrette Blount (NE) -150 Devonta Freeman (ATL) -125 Julian Edelman (NE) -125 Tevin Coleman (ATL) +130 Martellus Bennett (NE) +150 Mohamed Sanu (ATL) +160 Taylor Gabriel (ATL) +175 Chris Hogan (NE) +175 Malcolm Mitchell (NE) +175 Danny Amendola (NE) +300 James White (NE) +300 Austin Hooper (ATL) +325 Justin Hardy (ATL) +450 Matt Ryan (ATL) +550 Levine Toilolo (ATL) +600 Devonta Freeman seems like a lock. But at -150 you'd have to risk more than you'd get paid out so if you wanna bet that go for it. But if you're looking to make a bet in the plus money I love Malcolm Mitchell +175. Austin Hooper +325. THE FIRST SCORE OF THE GAME - EXACT OUTCOME Patriots Touchdown +175 Patriots Field Goal +325 Patriots Safety +3300 Falcons Touchdown +190 Falcons Field Goal +375 Falcons Safety +3300 I love Falcons Field Goal here. I have a feeling they're gonna get the ball first. Given the value +375 and how both teams play: Falcons have the best offense statically in the NFL and Patriots give up yards but tighten up in the redzone I could see the Falcons coming out hot and getting points on their first series. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Falcons Field Goal +375 ODDS TO WIN MVP Tom Brady (NE) +160 Matt Ryan (ATL) +275 Julio Jones (ATL) +750 Julian Edelman (NE) +1200 LeGarrette Blount (NE) +2000 Field +2000 Dion Lewis (NE) +2500 Devonta Freeman (ATL) +2500 Chris Hogan (NE) +2500 Tevin Coleman (ATL) +3300 Vic Beasley (ATL) +3300 Mohamed Sanu (ATL) +4000 Logan Ryan (NE) +5000 Martellus Bennett (NE) +5000 Austin Hooper (ATL) +6600 Matt Bryant (ATL) +6600 Taylor Gabriel (ATL) +6600 Stephen Gostkowski (NE) +6600 James White (NE) +6600 Malcom Butler (NE) +6600 Devin McCourty (NE) +7500 Deion Jones (ATL) +10000 Dwight Freeney (ATL) +10000 Eric Weems (ATL) +10000 Keanu Neal (ATL) +10000 Danny Amendola (NE) +10000 Dont'a Hightower (NE) +10000 Malcolm Mitchell (NE) +10000 Patrick Chung (NE) +10000 Rob Ninkovich (NE) +10000 Levine Toilolo (ATL) +15000 Chris Long (NE) +15000 With a list that long I'm surprised they even needed to list the field. Who's left the punters and offensive linemen? Tom Brady and Matt Ryan are the obvious choices as QBs for each team. For the Falcons to win I think it has to be Matt Ryan because their defense is ass, their best chance is to out shoot out the Pats. I don't see them winning a defensive struggle. If you are going for likely outcomes the two QBs are the safe bets but if you're trying to make some crazy cash on prop bets these are the bets that make the most sense to me: LeGarrette Blount (NE) +2000 You can eliminate basically any Patriots receiver from the list. If they have a great day it's going to be because of Tom Brady. The odds of having a Deion Branch repeat like performance from Super Bowl XXXIX are slim so I would not waste money on a Patriots offensive player who isn't Tom Brady or a running back. LaGarrette Blount has been very solid this season. He only averages 3.9 yards per carry which has caused people to say he's not elite, just the product of goal line carries. I agree. I like LG a lot but he just had a very nice statistical season. He's not a top 5 running back in the NFL. However in this Super Bowl he has a great chance at MVP. If LaGarrette can pound the Falcons defense all day and break one late I think he has a great chance. Especially with how much the Patriots have relied on him in goal line situations. He was the only Patriots running back to score a rushing touchdown all regular season. I think at +2000 LeGarrette has excellent value. To me if the Patriots win the Super Bowl and offensive player not named Tom Brady is MVP LeGarrette Blount is the most likely choice. Mohamed Sanu: +4000 Mohamed Sanu has had a solid season for the Atlanta Falcons. He played 2nd fiddle to Julio Jones but Sanu has scored a touchdown in 3 straight games, included both of the Falcons playoff wins. Given his ability to throw the ball, he's 5-5 with 2 touchdowns in his career passing I think his big play and gadget play ability, especially in the Super Bowl makes him a great candidate for a surprise MVP. Again we know Bill Belichick is great at taking team's top weapons away so that makes me think Sanu is poised for a big day. WILL BOTH TEAMS COMBINED SCORE 76 OR MORE POINTS TO BREAK THE SUPER BOWL RECORD? Yes +550 No -1000 If you don't have a dog in the fight and love points this bet is for you! WILL ANY PLAYER OTHER THAN BRADY OR RYAN ATTEMPT A PASS? Yes +250 No -400 LOVE yes here. I think the Falcons are going to have some sort of trick play when Sanu throws the ball. They're gonna need to do something crazy to surprise this Patriots defense. OFFICIAL DOL Bet: YES +250 WILL THE GAME GO TO OVERTIME? Yes +750 No -1500 No Super Bowl has ever gone to overtime. If you want to bet $1500 to win $100 that history will repeat itself a 51st time be my guest. TOTAL PASSING YARDS - TOM BRADY (NE) Over 305½ (-125)o Under 305½ (-105)u The Falcons defense is not good. They may somehow pull off the upset but I don't think there's a way Brady throws for under 306 yards unless he gets hurt. OFFICIAL DOL Bet: Over 305.5 -125 TOTAL RUSHING YARDS - TOM BRADY (NE) Over 2½ (-125)o Under 2½ (-105)u TOTAL RUSHING YARDS - MATT RYAN (ATL) Over 5½ (-125)o Under 5½ (-105)u Kneel downs can fuck this stat up for everybody but I love both overs. In big games QBs will do whatever it takes to win. Patriot fans have seen Brady scramble his fair share in playoff games. It there is a running lane he'll take it. Matt Ryan had a 14 yard rushing TD in the NFC Championship game. I think both QB's will surpass the rushing totals. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER for both TOTAL COMPLETIONS - TOM BRADY (NE) Over 25½ (-125)o Under 25½ (-105)u In his 6 Super Bowls Tom Brady has had over 25 completions 4 times. They love the short intermediate passes in New England. Like Lady Gaga I love, love, love I want your love and I love the over here. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER 25.5 Completions -125 TOTAL TOUCHDOWN PASSES - MATT RYAN (ATL) Over 2½ (-155)o Under 2½ (+125)u For plus money I love the under. I think the Pats defense can hold Matty Ice to 2 TDs. OFFICIAL DOL BET: UNDER 2.5 +125 TOTAL TACKLES AND ASSISTS - DEVIN MCCOURTY (NE) Over 5½ (-115)o Under 5½ (-115)u Given the way the Patriots play defense the over is a lock. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER 5.5 tackles -115 WHO WILL CATCH A PASS 1ST? - JULIO JONES (ATL) VS JULIAN EDLEMAN (NE) Julio Jones (ATL) -115 Julian Edelman (NE) -115 Basically betting on what team will get the ball first. My gut is telling me Julio here. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Julio Jones -115 TOTAL RECEIVING YARDS - JULIO JONES (ATL) Over 95½ (-115)o Under 95½ (-115)u I've been telling myself all week that the Pats will find a way to slow down Julio Jones. Deep down Idk if I believe what I've been telling myself. Give me the over. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER 95.5 Yards -115 TOTAL RECEPTIONS - LEGARRETTE BLOUNT (NE) Over ½ (+125)o Under ½ (-155)u LG is not really a threat in the passing game. But it's only one catch for plus money. Give yourself something weird to root for. Take the over. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Over 1/2 reception +125 LONGEST RECEPTION - CHRIS HOGAN (NE) Over 22½ (-115)o Under 22½ (-115)u Chris Hogan led the NFL in yards per reception this year. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER 22.5 yards -115 WILL DEVIN MCCOURTY (NE) INTERCEPT A PASS? Yes +350 No -500 The Pats are going to probably using McCourty a lot to help over the top with Julio Jones. I'm not too confident in this bet but given the odds and how much he may helping the passing game it's worth a shot. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Yes +350 WILL A ROUGHING THE PASSER PENALTY BE CALLED IN THE GAME? Yes (Roughing the Passer) +120 No (Roughing the Passer) -150 Have you watched football in the last 5 years? Pound yes. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Yes +120 WHAT WILL BE THE 1ST ENFORCED PENALTY IN THE GAME? False Start +260 Offside or Encroachment or Neutral Zone Infraction +400 Holding +250 Pass Interference +550 Any Personal Foul or Unsportsmanlike Conduct +900 Delay of Game +600 Any Other Penalty +600 No Penalty in the game +3300 This is literally a guessing game. I'll take holding since it doesn't specify offensive or defensive, give myself more opportunity. DOL OFFICIAL BET: Holding +250 Now it's time for the real fun stuff IF THE PATRIOTS WIN, WILL BRADY, BELICHICK OR KRAFT BE SEEN SHAKING ROGER GOODELL'S HAND ON TV? Yes -150 No +110 I want to say NO but the Patriots are too classy of an organization to stiff the commissioner. But you know what since I'm not really doing these bets (wink, wink) I'm gonna have some balls and stick with it. Fuck you Goodell. OFFICIAL DOL BET: NO +110 WHO WILL DONALD TRUMP PICK TO WIN THE GAME? Patriots -500 Falcons +300 Easiest pick of all time. Patriots. Put your house on that. HOW MANY TIMES WILL TRUMP BE SAID DURING THE LIVE BROADCAST? Over 1.5 -120 Under 1.5 -120 Again easy AF. He will be brought up at least once, and if they say his name once they'll say it twice. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER 1.5 -120 WILL ANY PLAYER ON THE FALCONS OR PATRIOTS ROSTER BE SEEN KNEELING DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM ON TV DURING LIVE BROADCAST? Yes +250 No -400 Is this still a thing? If I were to bet I'd go Yes just because I feel like some nobody will do it just to get talked about afterwards. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Yes +250 WHAT WILL BE HIGHER ON SUPER BOWL SUNDAY? Tom Brady Rushing Yards +170 Donald Trump's Interview with Bill O'Reilly in minutes -250 I'm going all in on Crazy Legs Brady running wild Sunday. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Tom Brady Rushing Yards +170 WILL THE WORD "LACROSSE" BE SAID ON TV DURING LIVE BROADCAST? Yes -250 No +170 Joe Buck will not be able to mention Chris Hogan without saying that he used to be a lax bro. Snipe Ducks. Yes may be my lock of the night. OFFICIAL DOL BET: YES -250 WILL "HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM" BE SAID ON TV DURING LIVE BROADCAST? Yes +250 No -400 Joe Buck again is corny AF, he won't be able to contain himself. This will be said. Pound YES. OFFICIAL DOL BET: Yes +250 HOW MANY TIMES WILL "DEFLATE" OR "DEFLATEGATE" BE SAID ON TV DURING LIVE BROADCAST? Over 1.5 -120 Under 1.5 -120 Come on man. OFFICIAL DOL BET: OVER 1.5 -120 Believe it or not I left off hundreds of bets. I could go all day but I need to take a shower and go to work. Good luck with your bets come Sunday. I've said it before that I'm not a late night tv guy. Just a lot of better options for me at those times (aka netflix or video games) so I'm not gonna stay up and watch some talk show. It's 2017 I don't need to see that shit live. All the best clips are on youtube so if there is something I ever want to see it's there for me the next day. As is the case right now. I don't really watch Kimmel but I absolutely love his Mean Tweets segment. If you've never seen it basically it's just celebrities reading insults from actual tweets on the show. Pretty simple concept but it's usually v good. Unlike that bad lip reading shit everybody posts on Facebook. Nothing makes me laugh less. There has to be like 20 Mean Tweet segments over the last few years. It's mostly actors, but they've done everything; musicians and athletes too. It's one of my favorite series on youtube. I wish they'd go meaner and see if they can make someone cry. That would be a fun game. I should write Jimmy a letter... Well anyways, with the Super Bowl just around the corner what perfect timing for another addition of Mean Tweets with NFL players who are not playing in this year's big game. (Seeing Gronk in this video hurts) If you can't watch the video or just want to see my witty comments here's they are!! He's not wrong. Also can Odell just come out all ready? Look I have no issue with the gays at all. Wicked pro gay. Do your thing. But I hate being lied to. Odell Beckham Jr is a gay guy. It's clear as day. Nothing wrong with it, just don't lie to us and say you're not. Don't piss on me and try to tell me it's raining. Keep making your dance videos though. YUGEEEEE missed opportunity here by ABC to not do a "Uhhhhhh hey JJ" tweet here, those are literally made for this showcase. I have a feeling JJ probably said they aren't allowed to do that. SAD! It would've been very funny and a chance to have stoolies love him. Also Macklemore? It's not 2012 can we get a better more timely mean tweet Jimmy? Love the Kale shirt. Also does Demarco Murray really have the star power to be here? He's not on the Cowboys anymore. Thanks for all you did for my fantasy team this year though. Michael Irvin stole the show. His delivery throughout this tweet was fantastic. I love the playmaker. That look on his face is gold. Kurt, take off that vest you look like Aladdin. Look I'm not a Russell guy at all but that's simply not true. Is he overrated as hell and gets a free pass for being an interception machine in the playoffs? Seems like it. Is he raising Future's baby as his own? Sorta. Is he the corniest dude in the NFL? Yes. But Russell Wilson is a handsome dude. Get that shit out of here. That's actually just pretty funny and accurate. Von Miller should get an endorsement from coca cola with those frames. Joey Bosa looks like he's about 20 seconds away from calling lawyer dad to press charges. Also Joey Bosa is DEFINITELY not a big enough star to be here. Just trying to market the L.A. guy, I don't hate the move but I bet at least 70% of the people watching thought this was just some random frat bro they pulled off the street.. Definitely don't hate the hair. My dude MJD blew up like a tick. Good God. This was low key the funniest one though. Hard to believe this man used to be a very good NFL running back. Most accurate Mean Tweet of 2017. That being said, please don't kill me. Is Josh Norman just off his shift as being the cool young hip black guy butler for some weird English millionaires? Cool it with the suit. In regards to the tweet. Kinda true, he is a zone corner. Look I love Gronk but he definitely didn't read that. That was just great acting and memorizing a line that some producer said to him 69 times so he'd remember it. Also you're a millionaire Robert, get a tailor. P.S. Looks like I had a mean (sub) tweet directed my way yesterday as well. What are the odds!? *Since deleted* But thank God for group chats.
Let me briefly explain the story. When I was a freshmen in high school I had this cool cowboy shirt that looked great on me. Real style for a freshmen. I did get compliments. NBD. Well this kid (who ended up dropping out of HS) made fun of me for wearing my cowboy shirt and said "nice shirt Brokeback" You also need to remember my freshmen year of high school was the 2006-07 school year so Brokeback Mountain was like a year old and still a semi relevant pop culture reference. I being a young boy was not happy with this remark and shoved the kid who said it. Dumb move by me I'll admit because he would've kicked my ass, but I'm a man damnit, I had to do something. After nothing happened I walked back to my lunch table which was near an ice cream vending machine. Another thing timing me with this story because now schools do not have good treats like that. All that healthy bullshit, thanks (Mrs) Obama. Well as I was walking back to my table the young man charged at me like raging bull into the vending machine. I was blindsided and launched into the ice cream machine like a projectile. Legend has since said that he hit me so hard (and me being a bigger boy, even at like 14 years old) that is caused the language on the ice cream machine to change from English to Spanish. I still don't know if my friends were just making fun of me or if that actually did happen. I didn't get a good look at the machine. I went to the office even though I did nothing wrong. I was a victim of a hate crime and they tried to get me in trouble. Oh well that Vice Principal got his years later and I have a decent story to tell forever about the time I flew like a rag doll into an ice cream machine because some homophobic high school dropout was intimidated by my style and pazazz. Song: Love is Mystical Artist: Cold War Kids Album: L.A. Divine When someone is great over a long period they can sometimes get over looked. It's not fair, but that's how life goes. When someone always get's A's on tests it's not a big deal when they keep getting A's. It becomes what you expect. He/She is a fantastic student so you sort of just get used to it. But truth be told A's are hard to get and just because you have a ton of them doesn't make getting them in the future any easier. You still have to perform at a high level. You should get acknowledged for being a great student but overtime when it just becomes the norm it can be tough to appreciate. Same can be said for Bill Belichick. Since 2001 he's never had a losing season. He's won 4 (possibly 5 by Sunday) Super Bowls and 7 Conference Championships. He's won 12 games or more 11 times. For reference the New York Jets have won 12 games once in franchise history (BUMS). But he's only won NFL Coach of the Year 3 times. Given his resume that is kind of surprising, but it makes sense. AP Coach of the Year is usually given to a coach who turned around a bad team. That's just how it works. In fact Belichick is the only coach to win the award and the Super Bowl in the same season this millennium (2003). Other than his first year in New England he hasn't really had a bad team so he doesn't have opportunities to go from 4-12 to 12-4. When you win 12 games a year people can take for granted how good of a job you did coaching. I don't really care if Belichick wins it this year, he should but it doesn't matter, I doubt he even cares. However given the circumstances he's dealt with and the success this team has had this season win or lose Super Bowl Sunday I think the argument can be made this is best job coaching yet. First off the Patriots without Tom Brady were able to go 3-1. It may seem like years ago but going into the season many people believed the Patriots would struggle without Tom Brady and that if they went 2-2 it'd be a success. Look at a team like the 2015 Cowboys. They go 12-4 with Romo the year before, the next year I'm pretty sure they didn't win a single game he didn't start. Opening night the Patriots shocked the nation as they upset the Arizona Cardinals on the road 23-21. Going into that game the Cardinals were not only 9 point favorites but they were also favorites to represent the NFC in the the Super Bowl. They ended up disappointing this season but when that game was played the Patriots were able to go into a tough environment and win on the road with a QB making his first career NFL start against a team that went 13-3 the season before. That game truly showed the world Jimmy Garappolo, the next week against Miami he shined. Before he left with an injury Jimmy G was 18-26 for nearly 300 yards and 3 touchdowns. People were wondering if he was going to steal Brady's job. When he went down it was up to rookie 3rd round pick Jacoby Brissett to hold on. The Patriots did and won 31-24. The next week Jacoby Brissett was able to do just enough to lead the Patriots to a 27-0 shutout win over the Houston Texans. In the final game without Brady the Patriots lost 16-0 to the Buffalo Bills. Without Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski (non factor until Brady returned) the Patriots were able to go 3-1. With Brady at the helm the Patriots went 11-1. Not bad for a 39 year old QB. The one loss came against the Seahawks on Sunday Night Football where the Patriots had first and goal inside the 5 yard line and were unable to tie the score. Not only did the Patriots go 14-2 this season which was their best regular season record since 2010 (last time Bill won coach of the year) but they did it despite trading away All-Pro linebacker Jamie Collins and losing TE Rob Gronkowski for the season. When the Patriots traded Collins I thought it was a death sentence for their defense. Nobody understood the move. Bill stuck to his guns and did what he's been doing for nearly 20 years. A controversial move that ended up being the right one for the team. They responded by allowing the fewest points in the NFL. Something this franchise hadn't done since their 2003 Super Bowl season. With a team of old vets and cast offs the Patriots were able to statistically have one of the best defenses in the NFL. Mainly because of defensive coordinator Matt Patricia and the head man Bill Belichick. Rob Gronkowski has been the straw the stirs the drink for the Patriots offense since he came into the NFL. When he's healthy the Patriots offense has been unstoppable. In seasons he got injured it basically ended their championship hopes. After not having him since week 12 the Patriots offense has not skipped a beat. The Patriots offense despite no Brady for 4 games and no Gronk for 11 and counting finished 3rd in the NFL for points per game.
Without two of their five most important players going into the season the Patriots went 14-2 and are a win away from their 5th Super Bowl championship. I don't believe any other team or coach in the NFL could do that. If you take away Julio Jones and Vic Beasley the Falcons aren't in the Super Bowl. That's basically what happened with the Pats yet here they are at 16-2 heading into Super Bowl LI. I know they've been the model of excellence for over 15 years but do not let that make it so you cannot appreciate how great of a job this coaching staff has done this year. I believe that in year 17 given what he's had to work with this may be Belichick's best coaching yet. Song: The Quiet Thing That No One Ever Knows Artist: Brand New Album: Deja Entendu (2003) People are not happy with the refugee/travel ban by President Trump. I'm not going to get into all the serious stuff about it because that's not what DOL is about. It's about talking sports and pop culture and hopefully making people laugh. I know people are pissed off about the travel ban and I do think parts of it are very fucked up. I say parts because I honestly don't know all the details and frankly it's Super Bowl week my thoughts are all in on the Pats. Sorry not sorry. But the idea of banning people to me is exciting. Not just based on where they're from because that is messed up. However I think we all can agree, regardless of where you fall politically that some people need to go. There's groups of people who suck. Straight up. We don't need them. America would be better without them. I mean we have way too many people in this country as it is. I'm in favor of kicking more people out. So sit back, grab some Starbucks and enjoy the list of people and groups I think Trump SHOULD ban. Kids Who Remind Teachers About Homework Starting off with hot with kicking out children! Even as someone who has taught and even may still teach someday (maybe not after this post) I hate brown nosing teachers pets. I had a few when I was student teaching and it was the worst. It's like when you try too hard to get a girl to like you they end up thinking you're weird and creepy. Same can be said with teacher's pets. Back off a little, Stuart. No type of student is worse than the kid that reminds the teacher that they forgot to assign or collect homework. There's nothing more American than being lazy and trying to half ass your way through things. These kids are out there are just trying to ruin that for everybody else. Asking for homework that a busy teacher was nearly about to forget to assign or collect an assignment that half the class forgot about and was close to getting an extra day to finish. If you're going to kick out anybody from America it should be these kids who want to ruin a night off of no science homework for the rest of their class. When you think about it these people are the real monsters and for that they're the first to go. People Who Don't Pick Up After Their Dog Dogs are awesome. I think most people are in agreement there. However dog shit is not awesome. This I am sure of. If you're walking your dog in public and let it shit and just leave it there you straight up should be in a prison camp. I'd wish cancer on you but there's a chance you could beat it so... It's just so fucking inconsiderate and also just disgusting. Dog shit is gross but it's the trade you make for a companion. You gotta pick it up. I walk on the seawall in Narragansett all the time and there's always dog shit there. How people can just do that and not have a guilty conscience blows my mind. You wanna have your lawn be full dog shit go at it. This is America, and that's your home. But in public it's a different story. If you let your dog take giant shits on public where people are living their lives you are a piece of shit. I'm okay with genocide in this situation tbh. People Who Complain When a Drink is Too Strong Wahhhhhh the bartender is trying to help me get drunk for less money and I can't handle it. Unreal. If you can't appreciate someone trying to lend you a helping hand then you don't deserve to be in our great nation. Sure it might be tough to get down but they're doing you a favor and helping you save money. Have a little respect. I'll take a bartender who's drink is a little too heavy and hard to get down than someone in Newport giving me a half a shot of vodka in my 007 for $11 any day of the week. People Who Believe in Horoscopes If you are dumb enough to think your birthday impacts your personality you should be beaten. Straight up. We need to be smarter as a nation and stop wasting time and energy believing nonsense. I'm not one to shit on people's beliefs (LOL) but I straight up have no respect for people who truly think this matters. People Who Say "Matyuer" instead of Mature First way: Yes Second way: Hell no Now with the whole immigrant ban thing this could be perceived as kicking out foreign people with accents. Not exactly. You can have any dialect and still sound like an ass hole. I don't care if you're from Illinois or Iran, if you're the kind of person who over pronounces words to try sound more intelligent I hate your guts. It's mature. I feel like this is a VERY specific group I'm kicking out but sorry, you gotta get out of here. People Who Call For Take Out and Don't Know What They Want Very specific demographic here but they are the worst. If you've ever worked in a restaurant you know exactly who I'm talking about. The people who will be yelling at 8 different people asking what they want. If you call a restaurant and are placing an order you should know what the fuck you want to get. Take five minutes before, make a list then call. It's really not that hard to not be a shitty person. People Who DON'T Wave When You Let Them Go People are so caught up in themselves and their phones nowadays that many basic human levels of respect and decency have gone out the window. As someone who drives a lot for their job I know the rules of the road (in the sense of being polite). There times when you can help out your fellow driver and let them go even though you have the right away. There's a system. All that people ask in return is a simply acknowledgment. It doesn't even have to be a full wave. Just move a finger or something. Just let them know you appreciate them helping you out when they didn't have to. Whenever someone let's me go I stick my whole left arm out and wave. I want them to know I appreciate it. I go all in because the last thing I need someone saying is "fuck that fat piece of shit he didn't wave" I don't need that and I'd never want so I don't risk it by making sure they can see it. Now you don't have to be a weirdo like me, but you gotta do something. Chuck a quick deuce. A half wave. Literally anything other than the finger or nothing will do. We need to be nicer to each other and it starts behind the wheel. If you can't take .3 seconds to move you hand as a gesture to say "thanks for letting me out" then fuck you. You're out of here. Don't need this rudeness in our great nation. Lebron James Fuck that guy. Bad Tippers I don't understand what goes through the head of poor tippers. Even if I get the worst service ever at a restaurant I'll still leave 15% because I have a wicked bad guilty conscience. I'd feel wicked bad stiffing someone. I'm not a karma guy but I am a huge guilty conscience guy. I don't need that voice in my head saying you complain about bad tips all the time and now you leave one. It won't happen. You have to like punch me in the face and talk shit about my mom to not get a tip. People who get delivery and don't tip must be sociopaths because I'll never understand how someone can do that and not feel like a piece of shit? Do people do this because they're poor or because they're ass holes? Because I'm broke too, I make $0 a year on this blog so I get wanting to save money, but when I go out I take care of my servers and bartenders. Don't do shit you can't afford. I'm sorry don't go out to eat, to a bar or get delivery if you can't afford to give a decent tip. If you order 50 dollars worth of food and have someone deliver it to your house that's 15 minutes away from the restaurant, I'm sorry they deserve more than $2. It's not 1975. $2 tips are trash and just straight up rude. If you don't understand why you need to tip people who's job it is to serve you and get their money off tips then you don't deserve to be here. Bad Tippers are out of here. People Who Sit Too Close To You In an Empty Movie Theater Now obviously when it's a packed house it's a different story but I do not understand why people feel the need to get so close to you when the entire place is empty. Yesterday I went to go see La La Land (pretty good, big Gosling guy) and there were maybe 10 people in the entire theater. So I had my feet up in seat in front of me. I'd never do that in a full house but you know what at 1:30 on a Wednesday when it's just me and 9 grandparents in the house I'm gonna get comfortable. Then this old lady comes in and sits directly in the seat I had my feet on making it so I have to put my feet down. I moved a row back so I could put them back up but I'm not the one in the wrong here. Fuck you old lady, there's literally hundreds of empty seats and you have to pick this one? Congratulations you just got your ass deported. I'm sure there's plenty of people I'm forgetting but you gotta start somewhere. Who do you think should be banned? |
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