I don't fucking get it man. Call me an idealist.
I know the writing has been on the wall for months. Brady pulled the kids from school, they sold their house, he's active on social media, blah, blah, blah. Now on March 17th, 2020 the reality is this: Tom Brady is no longer the QB for the New England Patriots. I really never thought this day would come, not like this.
I really thought Kraft had the balls/heart to do the right thing. Silly me for believing in him. Ever since I was in 4th grade there has been little, if any consistency in my life. I've moved a dozen times, made and lost countless friends, completed my entire education; I've grown up. With the exception of the 2008 season and first month of 2016, Tom Brady was my quarterback, he was your quarterback, he was our quarterback. He's been THE quarterback of the New England Patriots for essentially my entire conscious life.
I knew this day would come eventually, but honestly never like this. How can they let Tom Brady; the face of the New England Patriots spend his final days with some loser, scum organization. This is it? Even with all the warning signs and knowledge of how the Patriot's handle business. I'm shocked. I made the mistake of thinking a business would use emotion and logic for a moment. I am so fucking angry right now I better just stop. Ego and greed will be the end of mankind.
it appears Brady is the one who chose this. Wtf is going on? Up is down, down is up. Everybody is to blame. I can’t say I completely blame Tom for wanting out based on how the team has been built and the control he wants but like wtf why couldn’t all parties figure something out? Maybe he simply wanted a change? Maybe Giselle was like the only way you can play is in LA? Idk I’m drinking 12 platinums and thinking of the good times. THIS BLOWSSSSSS!!!
Little blog, behind the blog that inspired a soon to be Billboard Top 10 Hit "I Don't Wanna Be Alive". Basically I started typing and inadvertently started following the progression of Staying Alive from the hit 1977 film "Saturday Night Fever" and like 45 minute later this beast was born.
What started from this:
The shock waves/after shock, whatever stupid science term is best to describe Tom Brady and the New England Patriots no longer being a thing still hasn't really hit me. I can't believe it. We're in the middle of a GD pandemic and I'm worrying about staying alive. Usually
Well, you can tell by the that I talk,
I'm a Pats fan; No need to Gawk
Nothing but rings since 4th grade, all they do is win
It's the Patriot Way
This is not alright, it's not okay,
I can't believe it went this way.
TB12, the Goat is gone
How could did this go so terribly wrong?
Can't believe that Brady is gone.
Can't lie; I don't wanna be alive, be alive.
Bill what are you thinking? the Pats will soon be stinkin
don't wanna alive, be alive
I, I, wanna die, wanna die
The world is literally ending. I’m trying to do the right thing losing the burger weight with the shakes, but what’s the fucking point? I might as well be 600 pounds. Life has no meaning. Barstool won’t look at me despite my desperate efforts/talent. Corona may end the world. Bernie actually wants to save it and nobody cares. Maniacal billionaires raping the earth and its people for profits. Loved ones married to literal scumbags. No Mookie? Now no Brady?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PATRIOTS?!? How does this happen? I am disgusted and can’t even give a real take now. I should be still asleep, but no the world is ending. How tf are you going to lose Tom Brady to fucking Tampa Bay Buccaneers?????? All time irrelevant franchise. I am beside myself and going no further. This is such a big mistake by all involved parties. Bill you should be ashamed of yourself. You’re not God. Yes, 6 rings is amazing. But it should’ve been 10. FUCK THIS. Time to eat 12 pizzas in Brady’s honor.
Kyle Van Noy is no longer a member of the New England Patriots organization.
The Two-Time Super Bowl winning, former BYU linebacker is going to soak up the sun (and dollars) in Miami. Big-time bag for KVN!
Classic thanks for the rings, no hard feelings type of deal. With many mouths to feed 51 million was never going to happen in Foxboro for KVN. I am happy to see Kyle get this time of cash. He deserves it.
Man, did KVN make some big plays in New England. Huge half sack in the 28-3 comeback with Trey Flowers if memory serves me right. Three sacks in the 2018 SB run. Kyle was awesome as one of the 2019 Boogeymen, with a career high 6.5 sacks. But as a linebacker; sacks don't tell the whole story. I guess it's cool to see him reunited with Brian Flores. They might actually be building something down south. Hopefully he gets to sack Brady in Miami this fall. #fullcircle.
I'll always love anybody that calls out Kellerman for the clown he is!!!
Good luck in Miami, KVN. Thanks for the rings.
*****NEW SERIES ALERT*****
My love of all things Florence Welch is well documented.
I've seen her + the machine perform live twice (2016 & 2019). The first show is on record as the best concert I've ever been to in my 28 years of life. I sang, I danced, I cried. It was fucking beautiful. What an amazing night with my bros. I LOVE Florence. The music made by her + the machine is a substantial part of who I am and helps tell my story as I've grown and matured into the man I am behind this keyboard. My first tat (coming soon) will pay homage to her. Anyways, I'm more off track than the Angola Horror. Let's talk about IMOPlaylist!
With lots of people forced to stay inside as the country does its best to fight the spread of COVID-19 I am doing all I can to help. Unfortunately my latest #43Burgers video was pulled off IG for copyright infringement, but I'm not letting that stop me. #Content is my goal during this pandemic/sports recess. It's not a great time rn. People are scared. 2020 is the worst amirite??? We never said that in any other years.
Like many people I'm terrified about my next paycheck. Both my jobs are not possible considering schools, bars and restaurants are closed. Clearly Barstool isn't letting the pandemic stop them from expanding. I am doing my best to remain calm and safe. I've been practicing social distancing by alienating people with my awkardness since 1991. Plus I'm back on the shakes to get this burger/depression weight off. #twobirds I was planning on doing that at the beginning of the month, then the whole #43Burgers challenge happened. Oh well... off the tracks again!
As a music lover, I enjoy going to live shows. Liking concerts is one of the most unique thing about me. Since the Red Sox traded Mookie Betts/COVID-19 I will not be setting foot in Fenway Park for some time.
I plan to invest all that baseball money on concert tickets. I've seen many of my all time favorite artists across various genres (mostly the alt-rock umbrella) J. Cole, Kid Cudi, Zac Brown Band to name a few. I want that list to expand like this outbreak has (seriously be smart!) I know it's sort of selfish, but when I'm paying money to see an artist I love, I want to hear my favorite songs. I'm all for mixing stuff they want to share as artists and exposing new songs. Go b-a-n-a-n-a-s. I just ask you do so not at the expense of what fans want/need to hear. I think every concert should be at least two hours.
The idea of IMOPlaylist (pronounced; in my o-playlist) really started at that incredible Florence show in June of 2016. For some Godforsaken reason they didn't play "No Light, No Light". After FATM omitted it in their May of 2019 Mansfield show, I was like I need to start this blog series now and today is our soft launch.
What better time than now to do so? People are stuck looking for entertainment.
In IMOPlaylist I'll curate what I think would make an incredible live show set. I factored in vibes and song construction when making this playlist. This isn't just slapped together. It's perfect for anybody living under a rock not already listening to FATM on a daily basis. You can simply add this playlist if you are on apple music. @dozonmusic. Ironically I used zero live performances in this playlist.
If you really have some time to kill you can consume it via music videos. There are live performances peppered in here. I'd suggest watching on youtube with some house plants.
At 19 songs the run-time of the apple music version of this playlist is 79 minutes. When you factor in pauses and length added with a live show we could see this fit in the standardish 90-120 minute set.
1. Landscape; Demo
"Landscape" is a DRUM heavy not-so household name off of FATM's demo. All FATM fans should learn about this song to pay respect to the bands origins; so we're leading off with it. I love the story this song tells. Hopefully COVID--19 doesn't cut down many family trees.
2. Breaking Down; Ceremonials & 3. What the Water Gave Me; Ceremonials
After a little history lesson we ride those drums into the beginning of Breaking Down before it slows down and the pianos really kick in to start our session with a church-ier, potentially tear inducing Flo. Building off this, we transition to another overlooked classic early track from FATM's 2011 sophomore effort, Ceremonials. What The Water Gave Me picks up late to wake up anybody who may have fallen asleep in the first 3:30ish. Couldn't be me.
4. Grace; High As Hope
I enjoy all Flo, but I'm definitely more of a stadium shaking, empowerment anthem kinda fella.I'm much more of a drum heavy early Flo sound opposed to choir music stuff like this. Grace starts slow after we end WTWGM then picks up showcasing Flo's incredible vocal range. No Big God in this set!
5. Patricia; High As Hope
Now we're really cooking with gas. Our last of the real slow stuff for a minute. Patricia is the perfect balance of what this band is all about musically; yeah I believe herrrr.
6. Ship To Wreck; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful
The attached music video is my favorite live performance of Florence of all time. I LOVEEEE her energy in this song and that outfit is EVERYTHING ;) Rare to see Flo rocking shoes on stage but these things will do some serious damage to a potential ship. How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful may not have a signature anthem like their first two albums, but song for song it's hard to compete with HBx3 and this is its lead off track.
7. You've Got the Love; Ceremonials
It's so hard to make the call, but if I had to make my Mount Rushmore of FATM this is Teddy. Florence just putting on absolute vocal clinic here. Such a weird video from 09. Record company trying to sex up Florence smh. They'd put the Virgin Mary in a thong. Let her voice do the talking (it did). I was soooooooo happy that my eyes pissed tears when she played this in '19. Was not expecting it!
8. Delilah; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful
Tooooo fast for freedom. If that Mount Rushmore had a 5th spot Delilah is snatching it. The breakdown after the pianos is chills city population everybody within a 2 mile radius.
9. Hunger; High As Hope
Not to s my own d but Delilah to Hunger is just an A+ transition. Hands down the best song on a rather overwhelming :/ High as Hope IMO. What a message in this one. 17!
10. Kiss With a Fist; Lungs
Domestic violence is capital V bad, but we cannot act like it doesn't exist. What a powerful song that prob isn't included on an album that comes out in the twenty-teens.
11. Cosmic Love: Lungs
I'll be honest, this is not one of my go to Flo songs, but I've heard it live before (nbd) and it's gotta be in the mix.
12. Queen of Peace; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful
If I made this blog in say 2017 this wouldn't be included, but it's really grown on me over the years. This song was made to be played in front of 50,000 people. We're picking the pace back up here for a hot minute only to bring it back down for....
13. No Light, No Light; Ceremonials
"You can't chose what stays and what fades away" has been my instagram bio for at least four years. My 2nd favorite Florence song. When I finally hear it live I'll weep. So will you. It should be the closer, but that'd be too cliche.
14. What Kind of Man; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful
We aren't gonna just jump right back into stadium rockers. What Kind of Man is the perfect transitional tune for this job when your feet don't touch the floor.
15. Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up); Lungs
One of the best live performances I've ever witnessed in my life IRL. The fact they don't play this ever set is a crime! I hope to have my future wife on my shoulders to this someday.
16.Shake It Out; Ceremonials
IMO Florence's best and most powerful song. It means the world to me. It's great, I love it, but it's not a closer.
17. Dog Days Are Over; Lungs
Dog Days isn't a bad song by any means, but like most artists I love their "signature song" is rarely close to my favorite. I could never hear Use Somebody or Elephant again and be quite content. Dog Days isn't exactly in that same ballpark because I like it and it's amazing live. We make em think this is it.
18. How Big, How Blue Beautiful; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful
Florence + the Machine come out after everybody is wet af from a fantastic performance of Dog Days. If you thought that was it you were sadly mistaken. I understand why you may have felt that way. That song makes perfect to end. No sir-e-bob.
19. Love to Lover: Ceremonials
What a way to end the show! Listen to the song and you'll hear why.
Official 2020 Dozo FATM Mount Rushmore:
Shake It Out
No Light, No Light
You've Got the Love
I mean what can you really say about the Houston Texans other than the fact they are frauds and have been for some time? Back in 2015 when the OG Fraud List was born the Houston Texans were one of its founding fathers. Since then they've only added to that legacy.
In a rather surprising turn of events, DeAndre Hopkins is no longer a Houston Texan. While the franchise isn't even 20 years old yet, D-Hop is without a doubt on the Texans Mount Rushmore (with JJ, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster). I know a second rounder is valued highly by front offices, but with David Johnson looking like a shell of himself and 2016 getting further away by the day it's a somewhat puzzling move on the surface. They really need draft picks that bad they'd rather move on from arguably the best WR in the NFL?? When you consider the QB play D-Hop's had most of his career these numbers are amazing.
Maybe David Johnson can find that 2016 life in Houston with DeShaun Watson and Will Fuller and make those of us bashing this trade (me) look silly if there even is a 2020 NFL season? We see everyday that sports truly are a business and this move proves that as the Texans just traded a top 3 player on their roster for a running back who needs new tires and a transmission.
Suddenly the Cardinals have one of the most intriguing receiving cores in the NFL adding DeAndre Hopkins to Larry Fitzgerald, Christian Kirk and Andy Isabella. If they can get some linemen that are above a 64 in Madden this team may actually make some noise in 2020 (should there be a season)
How crazy is it that the Texans were up 24-0 against the Chiefs at Arrowhead? Great time to give Bill O'Brien totalitarian authority over the team.
As I was laying naked like a baby on bearskin run on my bed editing #43Burgers vids, instead of jumping in the shower like I was planning, some shocking news just dropped from the sky!
With the Red Sox making the 2nd biggest mistake in franchise history, the likelihood of a true Boston sports doomsday scenario happening where Tom Brady signs elsewhere grows by the day. As a matter of fact the Bucs are the current betting favorites to sign TB12. If it wasn't for this fucking pandemic shutting down schools and my income I'd throw down at the Pats +110. I refuse to believe RKK actually allows this to happen.
After locking up veteran safety (and captain) Devin McCourty for two more years it looks like the Patriots are actually going to make moves this off-season.
Rumors around the league were that the Jets were willing to give Thuney basically whatever he wanted to secure his services. Belichick continues to do whatever he can to royally fuck the Jets and I am loving every second of it. While this tagging seems a lot more likely of a tactical move to trade Thuney instead of losing him for nothing (potentially a compensatory pick next year) it means the Jets will likely not be getting their man. Checkmate.
With DeAndre Hopkins on the block and the Texans always needing O-line help because they're the Texans can a boy dream about shipping a guard (and draft capital) to H-Town for a weapon to entice Tom Brady to stay?
Whatever happens as a former lineman, I salute you, Joe for getting the bag (14.7 million guaranteed this year). Thanks for helping the Pats win two rings. I'd love to see ya stay, but if the Pats trade you I hope it's to a non-scumbag franchise.
I like Joe and wouldn't mind seeing him stay, but in the business of the NFL idk if 25 million dollars allocated to guards is a good idea. Gotta pay Brady and keep the boogeymen together! Alas, fuck the Jets and COVID-19; Joe Thuney is going to be a v rich man!
The gears in my conspiracy brain have been working overtime as the Coronavirus/Covid-19 pandemic has effectively shut down China, Italy and now the United States.
I am many things, but a doctor/scientist/person who keeps up to date with the news isn't one of them. My jobs include making memes in my IG story (@dozonlife), driving strangers (who hopefully practice good-hygiene) around and embarrassing myself enough so that people feel the need to laugh, instead of calling for professional help.
I don't want to add to the hysteria or narrative that this isn't a big deal; it clearly is. Sure, I find it a little fishy that Netflix released like a half dozen pandemic related series/shows in the months leading up to this outbreak and now people are forced to self-quarantine at home, but that's neither here nor there. The facts are the facts. Sports are not happening until further notice. Schools are closed for weeks. I'm sure it's impacting the economy. Every couple hours another city says they're shutting down all non-essential activity. For lack of a better word; it's a shit-show.
I want to do my part. I may not be a rich man in the monetary sense where I can just throw money at problems, but I can do my part to entertain/inform.
It looks like I'm going to be spending the vast majority of my time at home the next week or so which means lots of DOL content. I have an appointment with my shrink this afternoon, then I'm going to be pick up some shakes omw home and that's it for Ole Dozo. I'm not taking any chances. I don't want to do anything stupid to put other people at risk hashtag good guy. I am using this week to my advantage and I suggest you to do the same. If you are in a situation where you cannot work (like me) do not panic about money (also like me), use this time away from society to improve. Do something you've put off! Read a book? Idk bro/girlbro, do you. There's a chance we all die, but if we do this week off thing right the odds have to decrease. You'd be surprised how much weight you can lose in a week. All I'm saying is don't be stupid and there will be a LOT to consume from your boiii this week so stay tuned #cowboyemoji
We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. I did not respect the Coronavirus at first. Hand up. In my defense; there’s been a new disease hysteria that’s going to kill us all every few years as long as I can remember. When I was a kid it was Mad Cow and West Nile. Then there was SARS and Bird Flu and countless others. Obviously people would die during these “outbreaks” and that is technically sad, but it never turned into the Black Plague or Spanish Flu of World War I (aka the Great War at the time). Both legitimately altered mankind wiping out tens of millions.
Tbh it wasn’t until a few hours ago when the NCAA announced that March Madness is going to be played fan-less that the seriousness of this really hit close to home me. We both know how much the NCAA loves money and hates humanity, so for them to make a decision like this that will costs millions is no joke; despite the tone.
Now it appears that COVID-19/Coronavirus has its Rock Hudson, as American’s dad Tom Hanks and fellow thespian/his wife Rita Wilson have tested positive.
I mean what can you say other than this sucks and you hope they survive? Gotta hope that Toy Story money can handle a disease that sounds like a gun in Call of Duty.
Live look at Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson down unda.
BREAKING IN THE-MAKING-OF-THIS-BLOG NEWS;
This is no joke, Ronny. Rudy Gobert has now tested positive. WTF?!???
Holy shit I hope all these aforementioned people are alright long-term. 8th grade quality writing blog rn but I am in medium key shock. I guess the fatality rate is still pretty low, but this shit is starting to get pretty fucking scary now that names of people we all know have been hit. I’m not gonna act like I know the legit stats, but I am officially concerned. Last night I got duped by a fake tweet that said Daniel Radcliffe was infected. This is wild. I don’t wanna go after long and have to announce another person.
Hopefully this can save the day and not cost like $4700 per dose.
P.S. “This X aged poorly” is one of my least favorite internet clichés, but that word exists for a reason: holy shit this aged like avocado, amirite America??
After anchoring down the Ravens offensive line for 13 years, Marshal Yanda is calling it a career.
The future Hall of Fame right guard was everything you want in a lineman; gritty, tough, showed up everyday, but what I’ll always remember was his versatility. Yanda was a guard by trade, but made starts at four of the five OL spots during his career. Did whatever he could for the betterment of the team. Just like someone else I know..
The Ravens are one of my least favorite organizations in all of sports. You could make a strong argument that I hate them; or at least used to before my 2019 life-reboot. That IMO shows how great and fun Yanda was to watch. As a Pats fan I could sit back and appreciate how much this man dominate the line of scrimmage and point of attack for a surprisingly long time. Time really flies when you’re winning 12+ games a year.
Offensive line play doesn’t get a lot of love, but the vast majority of knowledgable NFL fans knew about what Yanda was doing in Charm City. He was in the conversation for best linemen in the NFL for seemingly the last decade.
The 2007 3rd round pick out of Iowa spent his entire career protecting Ravens’ quarterbacks; almost exclusive Joe Flacco until mid way though the 2018 season. After the Ravens went 14-2 this season with the unanimous league MVP in Lamar Jackson back for year three, this move comes as sort of a shock. Yanda being 35 makes sense when you sit back and do some elementary math, but at first glance I was kind of surprised. Gun to my head I would’ve guessed he was drafted in 08 or 09.
Yanda also was on the Ravens Super Bowl XLVII team in 2012-13.
Congrats on a HOF NFL career from one former linemen to another. #Re7p3ct