Song: Everlong (1997) [Live on Letterman's last show] Artist: Foo Fighters Albums: The Colour and the Shape R.I.P. Taylor
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Human Giant was one of my favorite shows in high school. If you've never seen it, it introduced the world to Aziz Ansari and is fucking hysterical, especially if you were a teenager in 2007-08. Sadly, it's not available on streaming, but you might be able to find the DVDs online if you search hard enough. I bought season 1 like five-six years ago, and it's still in a plastic tote in the basement with all my other DVDs and Blu Rays that I haven't unpacked since I moved in August of 2020. Their To Catch a Predator parody with Jon Benjamin at the height of the To Catch a Predator phenomenon is brilliant. Anyways, I sorta have a lot of free time on my hands on the account of a story I'll tell once I'm legally allowed to, but during this time, I started watching Reno 911 on Paramount+. I was aware of the show during its run and watched other Comedy Central programming during those formative years but never got into it. I feel like I can appreciate it more at this time in my life. (This was my first taste of Deputy Jones) So the other night/early morning, depending on your perspective since it was like 4:30 am, I was on Youtube and searched Human Giant trying to find some old clips. There wasn't too much from the show itself, but I stumbled upon this Human Giant-Reno 911 mash-up remake of the 1991 surfer-bank robber classic Point Break. I know I don't always cast a wide net with my content (peep my Twitter bio location), and some might think this video sucks, but to me, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I don't know how I wasn't aware of it sooner, but damnit am I glad I found it to share with you! It's not like when we beat up Anthony Kiedis last week, this matters! Maaaybe the delay worked out for the best because I didn't see Point Break until 2017 when I bought the DVD at Wal Mart for $5 to watch during a flight and as I previously stated, recently started watching Reno 911. Still, this bit is perfect; The voices, overacting, and description of how ridiculous (yet awesome) Point Break is. Beach football is also over! Utah, get me two more viewings of this masterpiece right-fucking-now because I've been laughing so hard I surely missed something. TBH, the days are reaaaaally starting to blend together, but I guess this blog and video are perfect for a #tbt. I now walk away from this blog to go visit my grandma and pay her to do my laundry (hashtag good guy). I WALK AWAY!
Song: The Last Man on Earth (2021) [Live on Fallon] Artist: Wolf Alice Album: Blue Weekend What a beautiful performance by a beautiful soul. In Perhaps the Most Shocking Transaction in Patriot History, Malcolm Butler is Back in New England3/23/2022
In an off-season that's already seen its fair share of shocking transactions, IMO this takes the cake given the history. Malcolm Butler isn't the first, and he surely won't be the last high-profile New England Patriot to leave the franchise only to return later in his career, but apart from Tom Brady coming back for this season, I can't think of a more surprising return to Foxboro than this.
Malcolm Butler's time in New England basically comes down to how it (effectively) stared, his performance in Super Bowl XLIX, highlighted by perhaps the most famous play in NFL history. And how it ended; his head-scratching one special team snap showing in Super Bowl LII (a game where the Patriots' secondary got TORCHED by Nick fucking Foles).
Now with the loss of JC Jackson (and Stephon Gilmore for pennies), the Patriots secondary needed some serious help. Although Malcolm sat out the 2021 season, he was rather productive in 2020 and is obvi familiar with how the Patriots do things.
But rarely are my blogs about the actual x's and o's on the gridiron. Idk how tf the Patriots are gonna cover Tyreek Hill twice a year, but that's for another day. This is about the shock of Malcolm Butler returning to the Patriots after his questionable (and that's putting it super lightly) benching that cost the Patriots a championship.
Malcolm Butler was fucking retired and had probably the most unceremonious end to his Patriot career (outside of AH85/81) in the 60+ year history of this organization. Still, four years later, there hasn't been much information about WHY Malcolm got benched, and who knows if we'll ever know. There are rumors he had a big blowup with Matt Patricia in practice leading up to SB52, which makes this return puzzling, given that Patricia is back on the Patriots coaching staff after his failed stint in Detroit. I'm sure the folks in the Pats beat will do all they can to get to the bottom of that! I'll always appreciate what Malcolm Butler did for the Pats; gun to my head, his interception is probably my favorite play in Patriot history. It undoubtedly changed the narratives for two franchises and Tom Brady (imagine if he was 3-3 in Super Bowls after starting 3-0?). But at 32 and a year away from the game, who knows what Butler's got left in the tank? Again, he was solid in 2020, but I think it's fair to be a tad skeptical. (even though the romantic in me loves the potential #narrative of this story) I guess this is why they say it's important to always leave on good terms because you never know where life will take you. Malcolm handled his benching with a lot more class than I know I would if I was in that situation. He got his bag in Tennessee, and I suppose enough time has passed where all parties are comfortable with a reunion. I know the AFC got a lot better this off-season, and the Patriots are gonna need a lot more help than a sentimental reunion to get back into the playoffs and have a competitive contest (although I do think if Brandon Bolden doesn't have that drop on the opening drive that Pats at the very least keep it close for another quarter). P.S. Linda Holiday blocked me on IG for talking shit about Bill benching Malcolm in 2018 lolol. I'm not that guy anymore!
Thanks to the NCAA tournament, we've got Wednesday night Dozen matches! Defending champion (4) Honkers vs. (10) Ziti.
I still need to rewatch last night's Battle for the Crown before I upload it to the youtube machine, but it was a controversial match to say the least!
FTR, I think 100% Dave cheated. He pulled those answers way too late. There's no way he knew the Gerald Wallace or Ron Danye questions and Chicago put a 14 spot, which is like Chad Pennington breaking the single season passing yardage record...today.
Regardless, what Commissioner D. Lowe said is true, it'll all come out in the tourney.
Last night we had over 600K viewers. I hope we can top those numbers tonight! The only place to catch live episodes of #DozVsTheDozen is my IG (@dozonlife). That's www.instagram.com/dozonlife. Can't wait to see ya in the comment section!
P.S. If you're new to #DVTD, the preview for yesterday's match does an outstanding job breaking down this game show about a game show.
Song: It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday (1991)
Artist: Boyz II Men Album: Cooleyhighharmony
R.I.P. The Cheapies. I love you.
After a magnificent night on twitter spaces letting my songbird sing in, there's a sliiight chance Dozie/DOL (dozonlife.com) will have a little more eyeballs than normal! **fingers crossed emoji**
So in case you're unfamiliar with this niche publication that welcomes you with open arms, #DozVsTheDozen is a game show about a game show that I've been hosting from my bedroom for about six months. I love Barstool, it's my dream to blog there, and #DozVsTheDozen is just a little piece of what I can bring to the table (there's much more than this, but as a trivia/game show lover, this is a piece of content I'm dying to partake in once I'm #HireDdozo). I'm decent at trivia and entertaining; I use this as a chance to showcase my vast knowledge and wit from my 30 years of existence. Usually, I write a preview for every match, but I was unable to do so last Tuesday due to some Weebly issues.
If you missed Match 44, it is now available on Youtube for your viewing pleasure! (along with like 80% of #DVTD matches)
The rules for #DozVsTheDozen or #DVTD are very similar to The Dozen itself, with some DOL tweaks:
In 2022, I've started tracking my stats a little more closely. I'm only 4-8-1 (started 3-2), but I won the Battle of Arizona and tied in theBoardwalk War Finals. I'm clutch when it matters (even thought I have 5 losses by <2 points..again, I'm at a two-point disadvantage) and average 9.5 points/match, but 10.75 if you take away a four-point stinker in match 169/34.
As for tonight's match, we've got another Battle for the Crown: (1) Chicago vs. (5) Smockin.
Again, I love the Chicago guys (Carl), but they failed to break double digits in their last two Crown matches. I think it's fair to question their legitimacy as Crown holders, but the facts are the facts. They've done what they've needed to do to retain the Crown.
Tonight's line is close, Chicago -1.5, O/U: 20.5. You know I love that plus sign, so if these were real odds, I'd pound Smockin, but alas, they are not.
#DozVsTheDozen airs simultaneously on my IG live (@dozonlife), while The Dozen is on Youtube (so put them on mute in the background so they don't lose the views #companyman). That's www.instagram.com/dozonlife at 7:05 pm. I've competed in almost every match of the past 6ish months, except for Match 183 because I was at Tame Impala in Boston. Sadly they did not play "The Moment," at either show I attended, but tonight at 7:05 pm (EST) is undoubtedly the right moment to tune into the best game show about a game show in the sub 300 Instagram follower market! Hopefully, we'll have some new faces in the comment section tonight for #DVTD 45. I can't wait to see ya there! #HireDozo
The QB carousel has been spinning like a Dead or Alive smash this offseason and if you've blinked in the past month you've probably missed a move or two.
Most recently (I thiiink), Matt Ryan was traded from the Atlanta Falcons to the Indianapolis Colts for a 3rd rounder after 14 seasons, 120 regular-season victories, and the most overshadowed MVP in NFL history. I like Matt Ryan. I medium key fucked with BC Football while I was in high school, and he was leading them to 10 win seasons, highlighted by being one of the "curse of the #2 ranking" teams in 2007. As the quarterback of the Falcons during the most famous single-game choke in sports history, it's easy to paint Matty Ice as a loser, but I think that's unfair. He's the winningest QB in Falcons history by a wide margin and probably a borderline HOFer. If were to win a Super Bowl in Indianapolis, I'd say he's a lock. I forget how long ago 2007 was, so you might've forgotten that while Matt Ryan was at Boston College, he wore #12, which is the most successful quarterback number. Some will say something like that holds no actual meaning on the gridiron, and while that may be true, the data says otherwise. Of the 112 Super Bowl starts made by quarterbacks, only one wore #2, Matt Ryan with the 2016 Atlanta Falcons. He wore that number in high school, but according to a 2014 article on the Falcons website, he didn't choose to rock 12 in college and would've continued with it in the pros had it not already been taken by WR Mike Jenkins.
via: Falcons.com
One of the many great sights on NFL gamedays is watching countless Falcons fans fill the Georgia Dome and away stadiums, wearing the jersey of their favorite player, which got us to wondering if the players have a specific reason why they're wearing the number that is on the front and back of their jersey. Falcons QB Matt Ryan's reason dates back to grade school. It wasn't long after Ryan was selected as the third-overall pick of the 2008 NFL Draft that his No. 2 jersey began flying off the racks at local, regional and national sporting goods stores. After all, throwing a touchdown on his very first snap in an NFL game doesn't hurt, a 62-yard strike to former Falcons WR Michael Jenkins in the Week 1 game against Detroit on Sept. 7, 2008. There's another tie-in from that game; Ryan entered the league wanting to wear jersey No. 12, the same number he wore during his brilliant career at Boston College, where he completed 807-of-1,347 passes for 9,313 yards and 56 touchdowns as the Eagles QB. "At BC, they just gave me the No. 12," Ryan said. "I didn't get to choose it. I was going to wear No. 12 here, but Mike Jenkins had it and when they asked me what number I wanted to wear, I said I'd go back to No. 2, my high school number."
I've never liked the number 2, so sure I'm a tad biased, but I'm also trying to help out a seemingly nice guy in a new city. I want to see Matt Ryan do well in Indy, but he's not helping his cause with Wentz hand-me-downs.
Yeah, Carson Wentz was only in Indy for one season, but he made quite the impact during his time and not in a positive way! Plus, it's not like Matty needed to keep #2 for marketing purposes; we know that's not his swag. This was the perfect chance to start over with a new digit. However, since #2 is pretty rare by NFL QB standards, whenever I see that Colts #2, I think of the dumpster fire that is Mr. AO1. Carson Wentz. I'm sure many Colt fans feel the same way.
After 14 years in Hotlanta, Matty should've left #2 in the stadium that looks like a sphincter.
I could be wrong. Perhaps Matt Ryan will play well enough to make Colt fans forget Carson Wentz lost to the 2-13 Jaguars in a win, and you're-in game and had the most empty 27 touchdown season in league history. This felt like a perfect chance for Matt Ryan to rebrand himself.
Now, if he's doing this so Colt fans can recycle their Wentz jerseys with some duct tape or maybe a new nameplate if they know someone crafty, then I commend him for looking out for the simple people of America's heartland. Still, gun to my head, this is a bigger mistake than running a pass out of the gun on 3rd and 1 with Devonta Freeman in pass pro.
P.S.
It's not too late, Matty! 12 ain't retired for Storgi.
Double P.S.
I've never seen Pretty Woman. S/o Kelly Kapoor for the sweet reference.
Song: How You Remind Me (2001)
Artist: Nickelback Album: Silver Side Up
OooooOooooooooh what a night (more to come soon!)
On March 9th, I blogged about how Tony Hawk broke his femur and that he was worried this might be the injury that forces him to hang up his deck for good.
Today, not even two full weeks later, he's back on the board doing some tic tacs, right at the scene of his injury. Talk about a bad ass.
Tony's exact words on the matter (apparently it was two weeks, but either way this is fucking insane to see):
A pessimist/asshole could say that it's not exactly Alex Smith returning to NFL action after his leg looked like a half-eaten drumstick, but this is still an incredible feat. Tony Hawk is 53 years old and not a fresh 53; he turns 54 in May. There aren't many people out of there like the Birdman, but he's just out here strolling with metal rods in his leg, making elder millennials very happy. What a specimen.
How can you not love this man? Tony was walking without crutches a week and a half after the injury, and two weeks later, he was rolling on a half pipe. The tweet he quote-RT'd referencing a company I shall not name was correct---this is inspiration at the highest level! If a nearly 54-year-old Tony Hawk can skate with a broken leg, my fat ass can at least go walk a few laps in my neighborhood (which I'm gonna do after I hit post). I'm sure he and his wife will look great in their Gucci presenting an Academy Award, but the wheels aren't falling off anytime soon. I know you just dropped this video, but clearly, you're still hurting. Get well, Birdman. Love, Dozie.
P.S.
I cannnnot wait for his HBO doc, which debuts on April 5th.
Double P.S.
I went to the gym tonight for the first time in 2022. Gotta start somewhere! |
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