I love twitter dot com even though, like most things I've ever loved, it doesn't love me back. I've been on twitter since '09, and although my handle has changed multiple times, my typo ridden, luke warm takes, and intoxicated thoughts have not. #hiredozo!!!
Originally I used twitter as an instant messenger substitute during senior project class to talk to my friends since it wasn't blocked on the high school computers unlike every other good website. We would just tweet at each other and not work on our notecards. Fun times! Over the years my usage evolved to talking about sports and drunkenly sub-tweeting my ex girlfriend. Even funner times!
Over the years twitter grew in popularity, but has been on a steady decline in my circle since like 2014. I use it more so as an internet newspaper now, an internet newspaper that I can also give my shitty commentary on life on. As a blogger, with aspirations much larger than DOL I use it to share my random thoughts, talk sports/music and try to make people laugh. Sometimes I actually do!
Nowadays (at least in my circle) twitter use has gone down rather severely. There was a time where it felt like every person my age was active on twitter. It started off like one of those car giveaways, you know the ones in the movies where everybody has a hand on the car, and the last person touching the car wins it?
In 2012 everybody I ever knew was touching the twitter car.
Now there's like a half dozen people still holding on. Some went down in a blaze of glory.
It sucks, I'm gonna be serious for moment, as someone trying to make it online, when a tweet you think was good gets no love it fucking sucks. I'm trying to build a brand here, people! It's because of my 400+ followers, I'd say less than 30 are actual people who are still active on twitter. So statistically it's not that crazy for them to not find what I said informative or hilarious, even if it was. Let me tell you, there's no worse feeling than when a tweet you thought you knocked out of the park gets zero retweets or favorites. Literally no worse feeling on earth. It's the worst thing that can ever happen to a person.
Well, luckily for me there's former Patriots TE Martellus Bennett to let me know that just because I don't have the audience I'd like doesn't mean my tweets aren't good. Sidenote: can't help but noticed he spewed this garbage take right after 4:20 pm. I'm no detective, but it's quite possible the recently retired TE was high on marijuana which altered his judgement to give such a poor take.
I actually got Chick-Fil-A last weekend for the first time in like 12 years and it wasn't bad, but come on bro this take stinks. For those of you wondering why I went so long without eating Chick-Fil-A it was out of respect and support for all the gays out there, so you're welcome gays, you've got a friend in me (not literally, don't go in me)
But after the New Yorker wrote the most ridiculous article about Chick-Fil-A I swerved and got it out of protest to the worst piece of writing of 2018. I'm all over the place politically.
As someone who's had In & Out exactly one (1) time, I felt it was best to recycle an old twitter joke and put Marty B in his place. I'll show him!
Well, whadaya know? Marty saw and replied with the ultra-genuine "Hahahaha. Good One"
Everybody knows if you get a "haha" which is like the cousin of the "k" text, they don't actually think what you said is funny. In fact in many cases, quite the opposite. I'd rather get an "lol" than a "haha" tbh. If you get over let's say 10 "ha's" then the person is going overboard, and probably trying to sleep with you.
Luckily for me this tweet feel right in the sweet spot with 8 "ha's" which causes me to believe this was at the very least an okay tweet. Which is all I'm shooting for, I'm cool with okay. You can make a career off being okay. Grilled cheese is okay and everybody fucking loves those Great Depression necessity sandwiches. Thanks for the exposure Marty. #hiredozo
Getting replies from celebrities is still cool af. II used to screenshot all of them, I remember Vince Wilfork replied to a tweet of mine when I was waiting to get a haircut like 7 years ago. Idc what people say, or if they think it's lame to care...I care, I get excited every time. It's one of the best parts of twitter how you can potentially get an answer from anybody on earth.
Song: Sky Full Of Song
Artist: Florence + The Machine
Florence Welch is an angel walking earth. Pretty much just raw vocals on this song and it's still amazing. What a god damn voice.
NORTH KINSGTOWN, R.I. (WJAR) — New rules will limit how many dogs someone can own in North Kingstown, with a maximum of five.
While supporters said they're just keeping up with the times, opponents argue there's no need.
Mariann Miceli, who was accompanied by Dolly, her one dog, told NBC 10 News they walk the streets of Wickford every day.
“I think four could be the limit,” she said. “But if they can handle it and they take good care of them, like I take care of my dog, I think it's OK.”
The town council approved the restriction in a 3 to 2 vote.
Councilman Kerry McKay, who has three dogs, voted for the limit.
“I think we did the right thing. When you have that many dogs, you have the tendency to have issues,” McKay said. “They create all kinds of waste. They can bark, bark, bark their heads off.”
Counilwoman Doreen Costa, who has two dogs and other animals, voted against it.
“If I have three dogs or six dogs, they're long to be groomed. They're going to the vet. They're going to have their shots. They're going to be very well taken care of,” Costa said. “And most people are good. They're going to do the right thing.”
Animal Control and police recommended the rule in hopes of avoiding hoarding situations, as there had not been a limit on the books in North Kingstown.
Animal Control Officer Brittany Curran said she checked in with a bunch of other towns, many with a limit of three dogs. She said there are about a dozen homes in town now with more than five dogs, one with about 20.
But the new rules will grandfather in those dog owners.
“We're just trying to update the ordinance and things like that,” said Curran. “Everybody that has their dogs are going to be able to keep them. We're not going to go out to your house and take them away.”
“Anybody could move here and have 35 dogs, but maybe they're not taking care of them,” Curran added.
“Not going to say that somebody that has 3 dogs isn't taking care of them right, but just in general, that's a lot of dogs. We should definitely have it monitored more.”
The new rule goes into effect July 1. Anyone who is not grandfathered in beforehand would need a kennel license to have more than five dogs.
I heard this news today on the radio while at work. I could've sworn I was listening to Rhode Island talk radio, but by the looks of things we're living in China!
I'm sure you just asked yourself:
"Why is that, Dozo?"
Well, friendo call me Craig David because I'm about to fill you in.
Yes, I know 7 days a much better song, but let me explain the real issue here.
You see, North Kingstown is now putting a limit on how many dogs a home can have at 5 (five) puppers per residence. Thank God they did because of all the issues in America right now this has to be in the top 3. Right after not enough Dunkin Donuts and the under-appreciation of Jason Bateman,
But seriously, this is idiotic imo. To me a town shouldn't have this type of power over it's taxpaying (can you tell I've been listening to a lot of talk radio) residents.
While I do love dogs, and to a point agree that having over 5 dogs is a little bit much I gotta side with the people who voted against this. As an American, and more importantly as a laid back, chill, cool. bro, guy I gotta say I don't like how NK is trying to tell people to live. Don't tread on my puppies! I live by the notion of live how you want, your house is your house. You do your thing, I'll do mine. I don't give a fuck what you do as long as you aren't harming people and it doesn't negatively impact others. For this situation throw good boys and girls (talkin dogs for old people reading this who aren't up to date with internet jargon) in the mix.
Tell me this NK...How am I supposed to explain to my children that our new gay neighbors—————-- had to give away 3 of their 8 dogs because they just moved to North Kingstown? Are you gonna explain to them why Christoph and Spencer had to decide which dogs to "give" away? They'll be heartbroken. What happened to the Declaration of Independence,,, "life liberty and the pursuit of happiness" ever heard of it? If having a football team full of dogs makes someone happy, as long as they're taking care of them who careeeees? With animal control always an issue in this country, people who want to take care of 5+ dogs should be thanked, not ostracized.
Who are you North Kingstown to tell someone how many dogs they can or cannot have? I mean as long as the person is taking care of them why the does it matter?
Also NK I gotta know, was this really such a pressing issue that they had to waste time coming up with this law? How many people complained about too many doggos? Were tons of people really moving to NK with 35 dogs willy-nilly? I know NK is a pretty affluent area with not a ton of issues, but I feel like there are more important things to worry about than how many dogs people own.
If anything why not put a limit on how many cats someone can have? I think worrying about crazy cat ladies, (which after spending any amount of time in Wickford you can tell there are plenty of in NK) is a much bigger issue. Nobody needs to discover a dead body being eaten by a baker's dozen of tabbies when some lonely lady who hasn't left her studio apartment is finally discovered after being dead for a month and a half.
Or better yet, let's put a limit on how many kids someone should have. That's something I can get behind. Bill Burr has said it on like three different specials. If you think people are gonna start neglecting dogs once the total surpasses cinco then what do you think is gonna happen with kids? Plus extra dogs aren't taking away jobs and sucking at driving unlike new people.
I just think this law could be the beginning of a very slippery slope. What's next taking away our guns?!?
Song: All Da Smoke
Artist: Future featuring Young Thug
Today's SOD comes straight from the b-day boy Michael Motorcycle. Be sure to wish him a Happy Birthday he loves it!!!
Don't for one second think just because it's April that this series doesn't matter, because it does.
Casual baseball fans will say that "April baseball is meaningless" and I just want you to know that people who believe that are fucking idiots. Just because there's a 162 games in a season doesn't mean a win in one month is more or less valuable than another. That notion is simply false. A win, is a win. A win on April 18th matters just as much as one on September 18th.
An example I love to use to further explain that is the 2011 Boston Red Sox. They are infamous for the chicken and beer scandal and September collapse that ended up costing Terry Francona his job after they let a 9 game playoff lead disappear in a month after going 7-20 in September. Still makes me mad when I really think about it. They ended up finishing 90-72 good for 3rd place in the American League East with no trip to the postseason after entering the season as World Series favorites. Well, did you also know that same 2011 Red Sox team started the season 0-6? They were 2-10 through 12 games. Many would say that is a bad start to the season. I would have to agree. It took them almost a week to get into the win column. Had they gone even 1-5 to start the year, if they're 4-8 which still sucks after 12 games even with that September implosion they still make the playoffs. Then who knows what happens? At the very least that bullshit Evan Longoria home run that went over the part of the fence in Tampa that is 9 inches tall wouldn't have meant shit.
My point is every game counts.
That is why I'm so fired up for this Red Sox-Yankees series this week. Idk if the rivalry is fully back, but I'm hoping there are some fireworks this week to bring a little 03-04 life back into it. I know it's impossible to truly replicate that level of tension since the Curse has since been broken (remember when the Yankees were up 3-0 in the 2004 ALCS? lolol). But I do think given how good both of these teams are and with the importance winning the division has over being in the one-game wild card playoff, every pitch between these two teams matters. This series is going to say a lot about these teams considering who is pitching for both clubs.
Both teams are coming into 2018 off trips to the postseason, with new managers and World Series aspirations. Sure it's only the 3rd week of the season and regardless of the outcome there are still like 140+ games to be played, so it's not exactly make or break but IMO this series is HUGE for setting the pace of the rest of the season or at least the next few weeks of the year.
The 8-1 (best start in franchise history nbd) Boston Red Sox and 5-5 New York Yankees begin a three game mid-week series in Fenway Park starting tonight. Side note it's fucking bullshit that this is a Tuesday through Thursday series. I could be wrong but I feel like every Red Sox-Yankees series growing up was always on the weekend. Just not the same juice during the week imo.
If these pitching match-ups don't get you jazzed up then what are you even doing here? If it wasn't my final week at FedEx working nights I would 100% be going to Fenway to catch at least one of these games. Tickets are still available for p cheap.
Just a tad less jazzy.
The Red Sox are notably 8-1. Best record in the American League. If it wasn't for a Joe Kelly meltdown on opening day this team very well could be undefeated. Although the Red Sox have won 8 of their first 9 games they have all been played against teams who reside in Florida. 7 games against the Rays and 2 against the Marlins. Not exactly the 27 Yankees or 2004 Red Sox, but hey you play who's on the schedule and to this point they've done quite well. Red Sox starting ERA through 9 games is basically 0.00. You gotta take care of business against the bottom feeder teams.
The Yankees have on the other hand have struggled. Giancarlo Stanton has had multiple platinum sombrero games this season. For those of you unaware of that nomenclature it means he's struck out 5 times in a game not once, but twice. Not ideal! Even in today's "we don't care about strikeouts" culture of baseball. 20 strikeouts through 48 at bats in alarming. Is Giancarlo Stanton even good?
With these teams facing off against one another for the first time in 2018 there is a lot on the line. Sure the Red Sox are 8-1 so far, but if the Yankees come into Fenway Park and sweep them, with their 1-2-3 starting pitchers going that will be v alarming and pretty much wipe out all the good that has taken place so far this season. Nobody is going to care that they swept the Rays. It's going to be that Chris Sale, David Price and Rick Porcello all (potentially) lost to the Yankees at home. David Price hasn't allowed a run since like July of last year but if he gets rocked by Gary Sanchez people aren't going to care about 14 scoreless innings to start the season.
But on the other side of the coin, if the Red Sox sweep the Yankees then they're sitting at 11-1 with the Yanks at 5-8 (s/o me) with a 6.5 game lead through less than two weeks of baseball. Not a bad place to potentially be for the Red Sox. Pretty much every hitter on the Yankees roster except for Didi and Aaron Judge are struggling so far. They have a great opportunity to shut some critics up by having a good series against one of the best top 3's in all of baseball. Nobody is going to be talking about Stanton's platinum sombreros if he hits 4 home runs this series.
Pretty much every MLB "expert" picked the Yankees to win the AL East despite the Red Sox being two time defending champs with a healthy roster and new management to bring life back to this sort of just there ball club who won 93 games in the most unexciting way possible last season.
While regardless of the outcome of the series the season is faaaaaaaaaaaaar from over. Winning 2-3 or sweeping for either team will be huge for moral going forward. I can't wait. Fuck the Yankees. Please Sox just don't get swept.
Song: Feed The Tree
I saw there was some garbage rapper named Belly. Screw that, showing love to a Rhody based one-hit wonder instead!
FORT PIERCE, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a Florida woman is blaming a windy day for the cocaine that police found in her purse.
WPLG reported Kennecia Posey was one of two passengers in a car stopped by Fort Pierce police in late March. Police say an officer smelled marijuana and that, after searching the car, cocaine and marijuana in separate bags were found inside a purse Posey had on her lap.
Authorities say they questioned Posey about the drugs. According to the police report, Posey responded: "It's a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse."
Posey was charged with a felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. She was later released on bond.
It wasn't immediately known if she has a lawyer.
"I guess that's, why they call it blow!" - every hack (myself excluded) on twitter.
This story is getting a lot of attention, mainly due to the absurd nature to the story and I am falling right into the trap but I do not care. I love this story and honestly think Ms. Posey should have all the charges dropped.
In the story it clearly states that the car smelled of marijuana. That makes the weed they found in her purse make a lot of sense. We're all good so far.
When asked about the cocaine Kennecia Posey was extremely quick on her feet, and sure you could say that's because she was lying, and also possibly on cocaine, but I chose to not think that way. I think she came up with such a ridiculous claim because she's telling the truth.
Think about it for a second.
If she was lying about the coke wouldn't she have said that's where the weed came from too? If this is gonna be the horse you hitch yourself to might as well go down guns a blazing (not literally, don't shoot cops). You might as well go all in and use this fantastic remix of the dog ate my homework in attempts to beat the weed charge too. Cause if she's lying why not just try to say the wind blew the weed into her purse? Or the odor too while we're at it? If anything that'd be more believable. We all know how wind works. Smells travel. If you've ever farted in public you're likely wishing it was windier to help get rid of the evidence and not ruin your 2nd date. If anything it's more logical that a smell was blown in than a bag of nose beers.
I'm just saying if she was lying why not cover all your tracks? It's like if you were arrested for kidnapping and stealing a car and instead of denying it all just said the kid was already there when you stole the car once the cops show up.
But that wasn't the case.
Kennecia was likely smoking weed with the other passenger and was honest about that. That's why she didn't cover her tracks with something as ridiculous as "the wind blew it in". It was obvious that it wasn't.
The wind blew it in is such a ridiculous lie that it almost makes me believe it. Either Kennecia has wit of George Carlin or is telling the truth to be that quick on her feet when asked about the cocaine. Makes me think this far-fetched story isn't as crazy as it seems. I'm on your side Kennecia, the wind blew it in!!!
This three year old list was brought back into the public eye thanks to being tweeted out again today. Classic "blog" trick NME and Vice do it all the time with lists from 2011 but I still manage to click every time.
Today FiveThirtyEight tweeted out this list of the 25 most rewatchable movies of all time:
Bro that list fucking stinks on ice. Sure I'm not exactly Roger Ebert when it comes to movie criticisms or jaws, but I know what goes into a movie being rewatchable. To me personally, time is a major factor. How are so many people rewatching all these day long movies? I swear at least half of the top 10 is three (3) hours or longer. Who is out here with two weeks off from work rewatching the Lord of the Rings series?
To me there's two types of rewatchable: chosen and tv rewatch.
To better describe what I so eloquently stated what I'm talking is movies you sought out to rewatch. I'm talking you own it, or went out of your way to look for it on demand/streaming service etc. These are the movies you truly love. Then there's tv rewatch, pretty simple you're scrolling and see that it's on and stop what you're doing and watch it. You still love these movies, but it's not exactly the same.
How so many of these movies made it this far I'll never understand.
You're telling me of all the movies on earth only Star Wars are more "rewatchable" than The Wizard of Oz or Sound of Music? Bull shit.
I watched both of those movies a decent amount when I was a kid and I have zero interest in ever seeing them again. Granted I'm a straight white dude, but I'd have to imagine I'm in the majority here. Who the fuck is bored on a Tuesday and is like "let's pop in our Sound of Music DVD?" Who did they poll to get this info, strictly grandmothers?
I get it I don't have the most "classical taste" when it comes to movies, but seriously this list has basically no comedies and none that have come out in the last 30 years? To me comedies are the most rewatchable of movies, they're usually not that long and still make you laugh (if they're good). I could rewatch Saving Silverman pretty much daily and still laugh. People really want to watch Pride and Prejudice 50 times?
I've spent way too much time thinking about this topic and started a 1-25 breakdown on whether or not the movie in question deserved being on this list when it just really came to me that this list sucked. No Dark Knight (the GOAT TNT Saturday afternoon movie), no classic comedies other than Caddyshack (which is a little overrated IMO), and Finding Nemo was on here but Toy Story wasn't??? I'm a huge Finding Nemo fan but putting it on here over any of the Toy Story's is blasphemy. This list sucks.
Song: Fake Nice
Artist: The Aces
Album: When My Heart Felt Volcanic
Patriots Trade Brandin Cooks (and a 4th rounder) To The Los Angeles Rams For a 1st (and 6th) Round Pick
Oh Brandin, we hardly knew ya.
I guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
After only one season in New England; Brandin Cooks and a 4th round pick are heading to city of angels for a 1st (23rd overall) and 6th round pick.
This move comes as a relative shock, but honestly I am totally down with this trade. Cooks is a v talented receiver but it felt like he never really fit into the Patriots system. He had the quietest 1000 yard season I can ever remember a Patriot receiver having, and apart from a clutch af 4th quarter against the Texans in week 3 to me Cooks drops are much more memorable than any plays he made. He had two really big games, then was kind of just there for the rest of them. Given his talent, and past success in NOLA you expect more imo.
The timeline of this move just kind of sucks. Had it happened earlier maaaaybe we resign Amendola? Would've liked to hold on to playoff Danny if we were gonna move on from Cookie. Now Brady is losing two of his key receivers from an MVP 2017. Yes Edelman is coming back,,, buuut he's coming back on the wrong side of 30 with a reconstructed ACL. That friend is far from a sure thing to be back at or near 100%. Let's not forget the history of injury Jules has had in New England. He's only played a full 16 game season twice in his career that spans back to 2009. Then there's the whole Gronk situation to deal with.
To me Brandin Cooks' lasting legacy as a Patriot will be his horrible showing in Super Bowl LII. First his hero ball attempt to hurdle Rodney McLeod on 3rd and 2 in the red zone, that resulted in a 4th and 1. Gostkowski ultimately would miss the chip-shot field goal due in part to a botched snap. I think those lost points played a major factor in the Patriots loss. If the dude could've spun, juked or just cut outside I think he definitely gets the first down. He legit took off 3 yards away from this guy. All time idiot play.
Then his night ended by getting his block knocked the fuck off (which should've been a flag) by Malcolm Jenkins. This play ended both his Super Bowl and career as a Patriot. Shouldn't have been dancing around. Did not keep his head on a swivel.
As for the move itself from a team building standpoint I'm more than okay with it. Get a first round pick for a guy you were more than likely going to lose in free agency anyways. I just hope the Patriots can replace him and still give Brady a legit offense (and much needed improvement of the defense) to go all in for the next 1-3 years before he retires. If you can find the next QB, cool. But odds of that are slim. I say go all in to win another Super Bowl (or two) then just realize you're gonna suck for a few years. I'm more than okay with that trade if results in another ring.