This is just textbook Kirk Cousins twitter, he doesn't get enough credit for being unintentionally hilarious for his dorky whiteness but he should.
What makes a good day for you? Find 5 bucks on the ground? A girl actually says yes when you ask her out? For Ice Cube it was when he didn't even have to use his AK.
For Kirk Cousin it's doing some curls and rocking out to Higher. This is just a hilarious tweet to me, just shows doesn't matter how much money you have, or how famous you may be, in life sometimes something as simple as getting a pump to the Nickelback of the late 90's can constitute a good day. Only thing I'm really curious about is how can Creed have greatest hit's album? They definitely don't have enough hits to make a full CD. I'm not even a Creed basher, anybody that says they don't like Higher or With Arms Wide Open is lying to your face. I'm just saying they definitely had a hard time filling out the track listing for that CD.
P.S. Kirk Cousins twitter really does have some corny white guy gold.
I think he's the first person to say "tug on your heart strings" in 50 years.
Sorry to all my loyal readers for no blogs yesterday, wiki at my house went down. Just gotta get back on the horse today. Song of the Day for May 19th is "Bent" by Matchbox Twenty off their 2000 album "Mad Season". Matchbox Twenty used to kill it, there's no rhyme or reason for how I decide SOD's but I almost did a new song today but it's Thursday so I overrided myself and went with something older. Again it's my website.
Here is the of the Song of the Day for May 19th. Bent by Matchbox Twenty.
I'm going to preface this by saying if you're a random facebook friend/ friend's parent/ future employer of mine you don't want to read this blog. Go check out a song of the day or something.
Okay now that they're gone let's begin.
Ahhhhh May 17th, 2015 a day that will live in infamy. That of course was the day of commencement for the University of Rhode Island. I happened to be part of that graduating class. Let's go down memory lane, relive that day and what has happened since. (Some of these times are exact thanks to time hop, others are ball parked)
May 17th, 2015
6:45 AM: Wake up. This was some bullshit because 1. It was a Sunday, it's the Lord's Day, nobody should have to wake up before 8 am on a Sunday for any reason, ever. And 2 it made me wicked tired for the long day that was upcoming, looking back I blame waking up early and being tired for my actions that would follow. And no I didn't go to bed early the night before to off set that, I'm a night owl, I've probably gone to bed after 2 am 350 of the 365 days since I graduated.......but even if I wanted to go to bed early that night it would've been impossible, I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, I was so excited I couldn't sleep.
6:51 AM: Shower
7:04 AM: Get dressed and ready for graduation. Hot start for the kid.
7:05 AM: Continue to get ready, manage to not stain shirt anymore than I already have.
8:00 AM: Meet up 1 of my 3 friends I was graduating with. I took 5 years to graduate so most of my friends had already graduated.... Actually that's not even really true looking back a lot of my friends either didn't go to college/URI or graduate this year/never will. Realistically one of my boys graduated in 2014.
8:30 AM: Arrive at URI
8:31 AM: Have friend 1 tie my tie for me
8:32 AM: Get lost trying to figure where I'm supposed to go
8:39 AM: Find all the kids from my major and friend 2 of 3, go in proper line to wait
8:40 AM: Fireball nip with friend 2
8:40 AM: Fireball nip with friend 2
8:41 AM: Fireball nip with friend 2
8:42 AM: Feel like garbage, nearly throw up
8:45 AM: Make fun of all the kids we hated in our major with friend 2 of 3
8:59 AM: Get retweeted by El Pres, get more excited about this than actually graduating.
9:19 AM: Take pictures with friends 1 and 2. (pretty sure they just met this day)
9:25 AM: Make stupid Facebook status about graduating
9:25 AM: Upload this picture to Facebook
9:25 AM: Forget to open eyes for picture
9:30 AM: Go inside, sit down and wait to graduate
9:30 AM-10:00 AM: Play on my phone during whatever was going on
10:01 AM: Stand up and get in line
10:02 AM: Wave to a bunch of strangers like I'm the President
10:10 AM: Graduate College (NBD)
10:30 AM-11:35 AM: Go outside and take pictures
11:37 AM: Complain about how badly all the pictures came out
12:05 PM: Rebound from bad pictures, find salvageable one, get a bunch of likes. (66 may not be a lot to you but I'm not an IG whore so that was a record high for me)
12:05 PM: Like seriously, a ton of likes, NBD
12:20 PM: Go get lunch with my mom and aunt.
12:30 PM: Feel awkward tension between mom and aunt because I don't think my aunt wanted to be there
12:46 PM: Attempt to predict that it is going to be a great day (it wasn't)
1:00 PM-2:45 PM: Rock out to Pitch Perfect 2 with my mom. (Not as good as Pitch Perfect 1 but still a solid movie)
3:00 PM: Show up to Amalfi, start crushing 007s HARD
3:11 PM: Contemplate what I'm supposed to do with my life now (still don't know)
3:12 PM: Keep drinking
4:30 PM: Introduce my parents to one of my friend's dad by saying "this is ___________, _________'s dad, he's cool but __________ is kind of a bitch" Not one of my better moments, frankly lucky I didn't get punched in the face
4:31 PM-6:18PM: Continue getting black out drunk with a bunch of my friends, my parents, and other adults, I'm sure I did embarrassing things during this time frame
6:19 PM: Crush a Long Island Ice Tea
6:22 PM: Drunk text ex girlfriend, shockingly does not go well
6:30 PM: Get blocked on social media by ex girlfriend
6:31 PM: Get in fight with my sister because she took my phone so I can't continue to drunk text/harrass my ex girlfriend
2013-6:32 PM-about 4 months ago: Get more upset about ex girlfriend
7:00 PM-10:PM: Blacked out, no idea what happened
At some point between 7-10 PM:
-Smoke cigarettes (I don't smoke) and blow cigarette smoke in my mom's face when she tells me to stop (biggest regret of my life).
-Throw shot glass at bar directly after having a shot.
-Take a bunch of snapchats that I know I regret.
-Pass out on the bar.
-Make my dad pay my bar tab
10:30 PM: Go to bed
May 18th, 2015
6:00 AM: Get woken up by garage opening, go back to bed
10:00 AM: Wake up for good
10:00:45 AM: Look at phone and see all the monstrosities I did the day before
10:01 AM: Die of embarrassment/hangover
1:00 PM: Get resurrected from my death of embarrassment, go out to lunch with mom, sister and friend 3
1:01 PM: Die of embarrassment again, this time from how rude my mom is to waitress
1:03 PM: Reminisce about what happened at Amalfi the night before
1:04 PM: Get fork stabbed in my hand by mom when I learn about how I blew cigarette smoke in her face
2:00 PM: Bring mom to the airport
Days since Graduation
August 2015: Get certified in state of Rhode Island to be a teacher, then apply to 0 openings
October 2015: Lose $2,000 on Pats -9 against the Colts because of a fucking backdoor cover
December 15th 2015: Turn 24 years old
February 2nd 2016: Last meal before cleanse (SM Lion King Pizza and Flipz Pretzels)
February 3rd 2016: Start my cleanse, 376 pounds GROSSSSSSS
Late February 2016: Start Dozonline.com, blog a ton
May 2016: Lose 80 pounds, back in the 200's, start to look semi-awesome, still be afraid to talk to girls
That pretty much brings us up to date. Can't believe I graduated college a year ago today, you know what they say, time flies when you're doing nothing with your life (just kidding I've spent the last few months losing weight, getting my life together) but looking back, despite the bad things that happened a year ago today, still was a good day and a lot of fun. Let's hope a year from now I have a real job.
Congratulations to everybody graduating college this year, hopefully you can learn from my mistakes! Don't call someones daughter a bitch to their face, stay away from Long Island Ice Teas , don't drunk text exes and make sure you don't stain your shirt with mousse. (I think I spelled that right)
Song of the day May 17th is "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band. Via their 1998 album "Before These Crowded Streets". This is my personal favorite DMB song, what can I say I'm a sucker for a love song. Love that bass line too.
Yesterday I was busy playing in my flag football league (losers bracket) championship game and missed this happen live and boy was I upset. There is a good baseball brawl with actual punches thrown maybe once every 5 years. I can remember a couple, Cubs-White Sox like 10 years ago when AJ Pierzynski got banged in the face by Michael Barrett. James Shields tried to punch Coco Crisp but he dodged it like he was a pro boxer. I'm sure there's been more since then but those two really stand out in my mind. The Red Sox Rays Brawl might have not even had punches land I can't really remember I think that happened in 08 but it just shows that baseball brawls are a lot of dudes saying "hold me back" and not much else.
Well yesterday the bad blood between the Rangers and Blue Jays from their ALDS matchup finally led to something amazing. Almost as amazing as Jose Bautista's bat flip.
Even though it was only the in divisional series, to me that is the most memorable game/moment for last postseason. The road team had won for the first four games of that series. Earlier in the 7th inning the Blue Jays looked like they got screwed on a couple bad calls then Jose Bautista, the Blue Jays best hitter had the most important HR for the Jays since Joe Carter. Even though they're a division "rival" of the Sox, I was rooting for the Jays last October, they had a lot of swag and players I liked plus I usually root for teams that haven't won in a while to do well when the Sox are out of it. Joey Bats murdered this ball and in the magnitude of the situation I have no issue with the bat flip, I love bat flips, I love baseball and don't think it's boring, but understand why some people do. I do believe baseball needs more stuff like this to spice up the game.
Well the Rangers didn't forget about that homer and flip and yesterday finally tried to get their payback. Now I didn't see it happen live and haven't done all the proper investigative journalism but apparently Jose Bautista slide really hard into 2nd base on force play and the Ranger's Rougned Odor had had enough of Joey Bats on field antics and one pieced him right in the face.
I LOLed at the Ranger fans chanting USA. Especially when a huge part of the Blue Jays roster is American.
I'm not taking either side because I love a good baseball brawl and think both teams are in the fault in some ways, but some Blue Jays fan twitter does have a pretty good point here about Odor being a fake tough guy after punching Bautista. I wouldn't call it a cheap shot though because the two were pretty squared up ready to go.
Here is a better view view of how Bautista slide into 2nd. I'm torn because I do like tough hard nosed baseball, I think you should be allowed to break up double plays and run into the catcher but this just looked like Bautista's main objective was to fuck up Odor. I've never seen Bautista run that hard and fast in my life. I do appreciate that, but it was only to slide into Odor. Odor hit him because of it. I'm fine with him defending himself.
What I hate is how Bautista said he didn't see the punch coming. Video/photo evidence says other wise bro. Only way he didn't see this coming is if he closed his eyes.
There's rumors that Odor may get over a 10 game suspension for this. I think that's a little much, say whatever you want, but this was great for baseball. Just look at twitter. Nobody else would have cared about this game if it wasn't for this fight. Baseball is dying and they need to spice shit up. I'm not saying have legit brawls every game, but maybe more than once every 5 years. There are a lot of good new teams and rivalries sparking up and I'm glad that there is beef between the Blue Jays and Rangers. It's good for baseball.
P.S. This has to be the most outrageous tweet of the whole night. I don't think GQ wants dudes with 50 hairs on their head. Honestly I don't understand how a millionaire lets their hair get like this. Either fix it or shave it, can't just let this happen.
Song of the Day May 16th is "Conqueror" by AURORA. To me this was one of those songs I had heard a bunch of times before I finally learned the title and who it's by. That is my own dumb fault because with apps like shaazam it should be literally impossible for that to happen. Although I'm stupid and sometimes I'll shaazam the same song like 5 times, before remembering. Am I losing my mind? Hopefully other people do that too so I feel a little better.... Anyways now that I know what it's called I can share it. Did some quick research on this chick (wikipedia) and she's only 19 (looks about 12 in the video), shit like that really makes me feel bad about myself, this is some 19 year old kid with a hit song(s) and here I am, a 24 year fake blogger who woke up 15 minutes ago. Whatever.
Here is the Song of the Day for May 16 "Conqueror" by AURORA off the album "All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend".
Last night it was announced Rob Gronkowski will be the Madden 17 cover boy.
I didn't even know there was a contest going on right now for the cover. Last year I feel like they advertised it a ton when Gronk was the runner up to Odell, but didn't see anything this year. Maybe I'm getting too old? People have been saying the Madden curse is dead ever since Calvin Johnson was on the cover but I don't believe that. That was only like 3 years ago, I don't think we're out of the woods yet. This isn't like a championship curse where once you will a title it's over forever. Madden Curse is forever. Richard Sherman and Odell Beckham had good seasons too, but whats that 3 of the last 15 guys? Marshall Faulk, Daunte Culpepper, Michael Vick, Shaun Alexander, Peyton Hillis, Vince Young, that's just off the top of my head I'm sure theres more guys who the Madden Curse got to.
I know I'm getting older and not supposed to be playing video games a ton but I still love madden. It's the same game every year and I still get it and play a dozen years of a franchise with the Patriots. I have no issue with the game at all. Madden is the only game I truly care about because I love football so much, and I'm very good at Madden. It's kind of crazy a Patriot has never been on the cover before, I mean they are the premiere franchise of the NFL the last 15 years, but I guess everybody hates us too much. But nobody hates Gronk, Gronk transcends the Patriots. You'll hear Jets fans saying, "I fucking hate the Pats, but Gronk is the man" or shit like that. Gronk is the man, I'll admit he's kind of a hardo and wicked stupid but I mean he's the best TE in the history of the NFL. Gronk is my guy.
But I HATE that Gronk is on the cover. People forget that he is made out of papier-mâché. 2011 Super Bowl, hurt, Patriots lose to the awful 9-7 Giants. 2012 playoffs, breaks arm vs. the Texans, out, lose to the Ravens at home. 2013 torn ACL, misses playoffs. 2015, looked like he torn his ACL again, luckily only missed a week. I'm just saying I don't wanna tempt fate with Gronk. Whether the curse is real or not anymore I don't wanna take my chances with Gronk. we already are losing Brady for 4 games and I'm sure we'll lose at least one stud to a season ending injury, last thing the Patriots need is Gronk start getting hurt again and if you don't think the Madden Curse can rear it's ugly head again then you are sadly mistaken.
Let's hope Gronk is healthy for the playoffs because that's really all that matters. Can we win another Super Bowl please?
Song of the Day May 13th is "The Old Apartment" by The Barenaked Ladies. Comes off their 1997 album "Born on a Pirate Ship".
Great band, great song.
Last night Max Scherzer and his miss-matched eyes struck out 20 Detroit Tigers, tying the major league record for strikeouts in a game with Roger Clemens (who did it twice), Kerry Wood and Randy Johnson (in 9 innings but in a 12 inning game). I was streaming it on my phone is was pretty crazy to see, he had a chance to break the record as he struck out 20 and still had one out to go but it ended with a roundball out. It was pretty intense because the Nats were only up 3-2 and there were men on base as his pitch count rose and they could have lost the game, very fitting of a Dusty Baker led team. But Scherzer got out of the jam and finished the night with 20 K's. Max has been absolutely nasty for about 4 seasons now, Cy Young winner, multiple no hitters and now a 20 strikeout game to add to the resume, not bad.
In honor of the 20 K performance, this week's sports #tbt of the week is when Roger Clemens had 20 strikeouts 30 years ago against the Seattle Mariners. This was the signature game of the Rocket's legendary 1986 season. Yeah Roger Clemens is a scumbag but that's not until after he left the Sox and started juicing up in Toronto.
Song of the Day May 12th is "Lasso" by Phoenix. Comes off their grammy winning album "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix" (2009). Absolutely love Phoenix, they have countless hits on alternative radio and have been doing it for what feels like 20 years but still IMO don't get the credit they deserve. They're a band I really love, hard to find a bad song by these guys. This album with produced hit songs like 1901, Liztomania, and Lasso that were staples on alt radio for years. Love this band.