Fun fact: I was supposed to have a twin.
My mom told me that when I was younger that when she first found out she was pregnant with me that she was told that there was a chance she was going to be having twins. Obviously (up until this point) that didn't happen. There's only one Ole Dozo, which is probz for the best, I don't know if the world could handle two of me. Legend has it, much like Dwight Schrute, I too may have "resorbed" my twin/ate him in the womb. At the very least it would explain my appetite. My sister and friends would always make fun of me for eating my twin in the womb. As a fat child, can't lie sometimes that hurt. Well on Friday I received some shocking news. I was just minding my own business, working the mean pizza streets like I always do. Then it happened. One of my buddies sent this picture to our group chat and my life was turned upside down.
Uncanny. That dude is me. I'm still not convinced it isn't me. In that picture, this dude looks more like me, than I look like me.
It poses the question: Is Bryan M************ still alive? For all these years I had just accepted that fact that I ate my twin in the womb. I ate my twin. I had to deal with that everyday. I ate my own brother. Then I find out there's this dude out in Cabo is living a life that couldn't be more polar opposite from mine. I mean look at this fucking guy. Even down to the damn nipples that is Dozah. This dude is Dozo 2.0. Sure he might be chillen with pornstars in Cabo while I go to the same 3 bars with my friends every weekend, but this dude is me. I mean in Parent Trap one girl became British and they were still twins. F*ggot bandana guy could totally still be my long lost brother. We're just a little different after years apart. But just look at him, from the stupid look on his face, to the hair, to the beard, the drinking of an orange drink, and possibly being gay. This dude is me. He probably still isn't over how high school football or his last relationship ended either. Given how the week at Barstool was going with the discovery of Buff Cat, this was a very strange coincidence to occur in my life as well. www.barstoolsports.com/chicago/if-youre-reading-this-its-too-late-buff-cat-my-insanely-jacked-doppelganger-has-been-uncovered-im-ruined/ There were people who at first glance believed the man in this photograph was me. I mean the resemblance is uncanny. While not too many of my friends are that tech savvy, it wouldn't shock me to learn that someone found a pic of me and photoshopped "FAGGOT" in huge pink letters, just to make fun of me. Jokes on them, it's 2017, I'll take it as a compliment. Although tbh I could totally see myself wearing something like that, and given my blackout tendencies in the summer, it very well could've happened and just slipped through the cracks. Of course, when you find out news like this, where your twin brother may still be alive you have to do some research and find out more. After clicking on his tag I found Dozo 2.0's instagram. After a little more research it looks like maybe I didn't eat my twin after all. While the real Dozo is definitely bigger than Bryan M********, we definitely have some similarities when it comes to flow.
I like burgers too!
While I'm not entirely ready to accept the fact that I didn't eat my twin in the womb 26 years ago and I have a twin after all, I've definitely not, not ready to totally write this off either. I can't believe after all these years Bryan M******** may still be alive.
P.S. Dude since we're brothers now, Sweetsoundxx the least you could do is introduce me to one of your porn star friends. I mean I'm your fucking brother. Least you can do is try to help end the drought after not being in my life for the first 25 years of it. I think that's more than fair.
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Song: Livin' La Vida Loca Artist: Ricky Martin Album: Ricky Martin I needed some inspiration so I went to 90's radio on Apple Music and this was the first song that came up. How can I say no to this? I don't care who you are, this song still fucking bangs.
I just saw this picture on twitter and absolutely lost it. This is hilarious to me, sorry. Idk what we're supposed to call little people nowadays, but all the credit in the world to Verne Troyer (Mini-Me) for getting in on the #NationalDonutDay bandwagon and getting a little twitter buzz. I gotta know if this was planned days in advance or he just saw today was another stupid "national _______ day" and was like I gotta strike right now!
I mean he could use the 20 minutes of people remembering him. Other than two Austin Powers movies, an appearance on VH1's the surreal life where he was drunk in a scooter the whole time and a little sex tape situation I really haven't heard much of Verne in the news. Better to have donuts be the most recent thing we remember you for then a midget sex tape.
Good for Verne for still being alive. Seriously. I always feel like extremely short or tall people always die relatively young. Like Manute Bol was 47. Robert Wadlow, the dude who held the record for tallest man died at 22. They just don't have normal internal organs and it fucks them up and causes them to die young. A little Dr. Dozo analysis for ya.
Luckily, all 2 foot 8 inches of Verne is still alive and "well" at 48 years old. By comparison, Pedro Martinez' pet/lucky midget Nelson died at 38. RIP. That's no hyperbole. He literally was their lucky charm. Also, I don't know what kind of man this makes me, because I do feel bad for what I'm about to say, but I think Verne is stretching the truth here trying to say he's 27 donuts tall. I don't want to take away from Verne here but I'm gonna call his "27 donut" height into question. I hate to call out a midget about his height but these donuts appear to have been doctored. The further down you go, the more squished they look. I hate to take away from a man who I could fit into my backpack, but I mean just look at how fluffy and full the top ones are, compared to the bottom. I'm guessing he's really more about 20 donuts tall. Sorry Verne you aren't getting that one passed Ole Dozo.
These album reviews are still a work in progress, as I'm definitely more of sports and trying to make people laugh guy (it's hard!), but these are something I'm very serious about adding to DOL on a semi-regular (great term to use when you have no idea how often you're gonna do them) basis.
Simply put: I just love music and want to talk about it more. How it makes you feel. I'm not some music nerd that knows all the proper terminology, and how shit is made. I don't know if I'm gonna do full on song by song breakdowns like I did with Paramore dol-album-review-paramores-after-laughter.html it really is just a feeling it out process right now. I'm just a regular dude who loves some rock n roll and wants to talk music with people, maybe someday get paid for that and making people laugh at my expense on a certain website that used to be run in an old dentist's office.
I'm going to go the positive route. I think the official Black Keys twitter account promoting this is good sign for the future of the band. I mean suuure, it could just be a strategy to get it out to as many people as possible, but I feel like if they really were gonna break up for Dan to do his own thing fulltime they wouldn't use the Black Keys to promote it. Idk, that's just how my brain works. As much as I loved this album, I reaaally hope there is more in store for the Keys. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy this, I just want my favorite band back.
It's been a huge couple days for rock music. Arcade Fire, Foo Fighters, and The War on Drugs all just released new music. Dan Auerbach's highly anticipated (to me at least) 2nd solo album "Waiting on a Song" came out today as well. At only 10 tracks and a little over a half hour long, this quick listen will leave you wanting more. I'm already on my 2nd straight through listen. In "Waiting on a Song" Auerbach totally frees himself from the blues rock label from his previous works, whether it be his first solo album "Keep It Hid" or his work with The Black Keys and The Arcs. No traces of the Blues here. I'd say "Cherry Bomb" is the closest thing to a Black Keys song on the album. Sounds like it could've maybe been on Turn Blue. Overall "Waiting on a Song" has a real 70's vibe to it, but also a whispers of country in songs like "Never in My Wildest Dreams". Horns are featured throughout the album as well, something I can't remember ever really hearing in The Black Keys before. Dan Auerbach took a lot of chances on this album musically, and I think they all paid off. If you're a fan of the 70's then this album is for you. When I heard the lead off title track, "Waiting on a Song" the first thing I thought of was "Stuck in the Middle" by Stealers Wheel and the video is straight out central casting for some long haired 70's bros smoking apple bongs, and chasing chicks. "Malibu Man" starts off with some organs and violin, but once it gets into the guitar it just makes me want to be cruising down the highway with the top down somewhere in California, hey maybe Malibu! I know this is a simple ass description, but it's just a cool ass song. A real cruiser. I'm no dancer, but as I listen to this song again as I type this I can't help by shake my head and bounce. It looks more like a baby sitting on the floor playing then dancing, but to each their own. I told you guys yesterday I have no rhythm. Love the combination of horns and xylophone (by some miracle I spelled the right on the first try). I talked about "Shine On Me" in a blog speculating the future of The Black Keys what-does-dan-auerbachs-solo-career-mean-for-the-future-of-the-black-keys.html. So from straight off that description back in March "The guitar in "Shine On Me" kind of reminds me of the riff from Haim's "Honey and I" and beat has a little bit of George Harrison's "I Got My Mind Set On You" going on. HIGHly recommend checking out the music video . V colorful featuring a live action Auerbach in a trippy cartoon world with frogs, a ton of aliens, and a demolition derby. Looks like this was a lot of fun to make." "King of the One Horse Town" was released a few weeks ago and since has worked it's way into my daily song rotation. It sounds like it should in be a buddy cop movie. Right during the part where the have some sort of disagreement and go their separate ways, but are just waiting for the other to apologize and come back. Would've been perfect in Starsky and Hutch if it came out today. "Never in My Wildest Dreams" is as of now my favorite song on the album. Just makes you want to fall in love. Kind of has like a Jack Johnson feel to it, with a dash of country in that twangy-guitar. You want to sing this song to your girl at a fire on a beach on Hawaii before you propose. Love the horns here too, it just works. If you're gonna listen to one song from this album, listen to this. In "Stand by My Girl" reminds me of higher verison of Cold War Kid's "Love is Mystical" with that piano in the beginning. Just listen to the comparison.
I'm gonna try to sound a lot smarter than I really am when it comes to music, but I fucking love the composition of "Undertow". From the xylophone, into the strings, then the drums, into Auerbach's best instrument, his voice.
Not crazy about "Livin in Sin", just didn't do anything for me. I can take it or leave it. The album concludes with "Show Me" which goes into the same catagory for me as "Livin in Sin". Although in both their defenses' I've only listened to the album twice so far so things could drastically change in the future. Overall I was pleasantly surprised in the sound of this album. After hearing "Shine on Me" I had no idea what to expect. It's different from anything I've ever heard from the Black Keys and is going to be heavy in my rotation this summer. As of now my favorite three songs on Waiting on a Song are: "King of a One Horse Town", "Never in My Wildest Dreams" and "Shine on Me". I guess If I'm gonna start rating these I'll give it a B+. I really enjoyed 8 out 10 songs and I'm a big round up guy, so we'll call it a B+ Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of the album and any other album's you think I should review for DOL! Song: Everything Now Artist: Arcade Fire Album: Everything Now Latest song from Arcade Fire, just came out yesterday. Not the biggest Arcade Fire guy, in the sense that I haven't listen to a ton of their stuff, but this one is incredible. Love that flute or whatever that is in it. Tonight at 9 pm the NBA Finals will finally begin after a full week layoff. Excuse me if I'm not as excited as everybody else, but I just can't stand either one of these teams. I hate Lebron and don't want to see him win again, but I also do not want Kevin Durant to get rewarded for taking the easy way out and deciding to join a team that won 73 games last year. A team that he should've beaten in the playoffs, but decided to jump ship and start ring chasing before his 30th birthday. It's a really Sophie's choice for Ole Dozo here. I haven't had a championship matchup made up of teams I can't stand this much since Super Bowl XLVIII between the Seahawks and Broncos. We all knew this match-up was coming all year long which I think is horrible for the NBA. I know personally, it made this season less enjoyable as a fan for me. People will say thats how it's always been historically. That the NBA has always been like this forever because only a handful of teams have won Championships over the last 30 years, which is partly true. Since 1980 only 11 franchises have won an NBA championship, and four of them the 76ers (1983), Mavericks (2011), Warriors (2015), and Cavs (2016) only have one. (Obviously the Warriors or Cavs will get their 2nd this season) The means seven team: The Lakers, Celtics, Pistons, Bulls, Rockets, Spurs and Heat are responsible for 33 of the last 37 NBA champions (89%). Compared to 17 different Super Bowl Champions in the NFL (Raiders, 49ers, Redskins, Bears, Giants, Broncos, Cowboys, Packers, Broncos, Rams, Ravens, Patriots, Buccaneers, Steelers, Colts, Saints, and Seahawks) and 20 different World Series Champions in Major League Baseball (Phillies, Dodgers, Cardinals, Orioles, Tigers, Royals, Mets, Twins, A's, Reds, Blue Jays, Braves, Yankees, Marlins, Diamondbacks, Angels, Red Sox, White Sox, Giants and Cubs) during that same time period. But these last few seasons in the NBA have had little to no competition within conference, which makes the playoffs almost not matter. Even in the thrills of a game 7 win over the Wizards for my Celtics, you knew it was coming to a crashing halt next round vs the Cavs. The C's were the one seed, yet had they won the series it would've been one of the biggest upsets of my lifetime in the NBA. At least when I was younger, there'd be at least 3 teams with a decent shot to come out of each conference. When I was middle school the Pistons and Heat had classic Conference Finals, In high school the Cavs, Celtics and Magic all had legitimate chances of winning the East every year. In the West it was sometimes a five team race. Those days are over. This year you knew it was going to be the Cavs out of the East, unless Lebron died. That's not fun IMO. You knew there was nobody who would challenge the Warriors or Cavs. Maybe the Spurs, but once Kawhi went down, that dream was dead. It was pretty obvious in the playoffs that the NBA is basically a two team league as the Warriors haven't lost yet and the Cavs are a basket away from also being 12-0. I'm excited of the prospect of the Finals being an excuse to hang out with some friends, but as for the winner, either way I'm gonna be butthurt. Much like Super Bowl 48 between the Seahawks and Broncos this is a match-up where I wish it was possible for neither team to win. I didnt want Richard Sherman to win a Super Bowl, and I sure as hell didn't want Wes Welker who left the Pats to win with Peyton Manning. Here on one hand you have Lebron and Cleveland Cavaliers. It's no secret I hate Lebron, After all he was #1 my-top-5peopleyouhate.html. If I listed all the things wrong with him, this blog would be longer than War and Peace. So I'll save you from that. Then there's the Golden State Warriors. For the most part I actually like them, they're a team of guys who weren't top 3 picks, who actually had to work to get where they are. Well, except for one guy, Kevin Durant. Yeah I used to be a big fan of his. I wanted KD to come to Boston why-kevin-durant-should-sign-with-the-celtics.html but knew it was a long shot. The fact that he left OKC who had a 3-1 lead on Golden State last year in the Western Conference Finals is such a bitch move that I think he should still be getting heat for. After Lebron's "Decision" I think it's the 2nd worst free agent move from a PR stand point of my lifetime. He's taking the easy way out, showing what people have believed his entire career that he's not a killer, he doesn't have that instinct. As Big Cat would say, he's a baby back bitch. Instead he just teamed up with the greatest team in regular season history, that would have won the title last year if Draymond Green could resist from kicking everybody. Everybody is saying the Warriors are going to handle the Cavs which I think is insane. I had said Warriors in four after the Cavaliers dusted my C's, but that was more so me being pissed that the C's got absolutely emasculated by the Cavs. As much as I hate Lebron you cannot write him and Cavs off. They have a deeper bench than Golden State, and while they don't have 4 "super-stars" in the starting line-up, they do have 3, and Thompson and JR Smith are no slouches. I think Steve Kerr being out still is huge for the Cavs as well. My prediction for the Finals are this. I think the Cavs find a way to get back to Cleveland 1-1. I think there will be a game in this series where the Warriors beat the Cavs by 25+. I think Kyrie will score close to 50 at least once and that the Cavs led by my least favorite athlete of all time, Lebron James find a way to beat the Warriors in 6. Now I'll probably be wrong, but if that means I'm mushing the Cavs then so be it. Official DOL NBA Finals Prediction: Cavaliers in 6. Series MVP: Kyrie Irving. Song: Josie Artist: Blink 182 Album: Dude Ranch Holy fuck it's June. Of all the great Blink songs, this is my favorite. Everytime I look At You is a v close 2nd. |
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