Yesterday, the Houston Texans were 20 point underdogs against the Arizona Cardinals, and even when they were up 5-0 thanks to a grand slam and sac fly, everybody on earth knew they still stood no chance.
Much like Will Hunting of Good Will Hunting, it's not your (their) fault. When you've got a roster full of washed-up skill guys and no names, nobody is expecting you to win games, especially when you're playing against one of the most dynamic offenses in the league. I'd imagine that tackling being next to illegal doesn't help either. Kyler Murray has been an absolute freak of nature this year. Through seven games, he's thrown for over 2,000 yards and 17 touchdowns (with a tad higher than you'd like to see 5 INTs). He's not doing this as some statue in the pocket. Kyler Murray makes prime Russell Wilson look like Drew Bledsoe; add three rushing touchdowns and a surprisingly low 126 rushing yards to his MVPish start. Those yards don't even begin to tell the story of his mobility both in and outside the pocket. Despite what my words on this website might cause you to believe, I'm no idiot. I understand why the NFL has drastically altered its rules to protect the quarterback and make it nearly impossible to play defense in this league ($$$$, ratings and fantasy football). We all know as soon as the D catches up, the rules (or their enforcement) changes. Case and point: the Colts complaining after the 2003 AFC Championship Game. The NFL doesn't want to lose franchise quarterbacks, and I respect that, but at the same time, it's still football, and football is a violent game. Not only is it violent, but it's fast too. Quick reactions are the name of the game; you have a split second to make a decision. That's why something as simple as a quick shimmy can lead to a broken tackle in space. How are you supposed to play defense in the NFL when this is a penalty?
It's like the refs were in a race to throw their flag fastest. I understand that rule is put in place to protect QBs, but how is a defensive lineman moving at full speed supposed to react to a 5'10" (riiiiight) dude with elite speed ducking at the last second to make the contact zone even smaller? How are you supposed to make play on a 5' 8" QB with 4.3 speed who gives you a 2 foot target when he ducks? It's next to impossible.
If Max Scherzer had to pitch to nine Eddie Gaedel's, he'd likely walk at least eight of them since their strike zone is the size of a postage stamp.
I don't know how you fix this problem, but something has to change. We saw in 2019 how difficult it is to review a subjective play in the one-year trial of pass interference challenges in the wake of an egregious miss in the NFC Championship Game—in a perfect world, roughing the passer would be reviewable. It can be a drive and game-altering flag, so you HAVE TO get it right, especially when even softer hits like this are giving teams a free 15 yards. If you call roughing past the offense's 40 yard line they're already in field goal range. The way I see it, if you can challenge the spot, which gets overturned at most 15% of the time based on my made-up research, you should be able to review roughing. No hyperbole; this clip from week 6 is one of the worst penalties in NFL history.
— sports (@ilikesportsvids) October 17, 2021
You might not know this about me, but I was an offensive lineman in high school.
So if I'm taking the side of a defender, you know things are fucked! How are you supposed to defend Kyler Murray other than intercepting his hero ball passes if you literally can't touch him? He's a stud, and I don't want him to get killed out there, but I mean, I don't know what to say other than it's FOOTBALL. It's a dangerous vocation. Hits are going to happen. I'm not saying we need to go backward to the days of Michael Vick and Donovan McNabb NEVER getting a call, but there has to be a middle ground between borderline racist officiating and outlawing tackling. If you're a defensive player in the NFL reading this, just know Ole Dozo has your back.
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Thanks to a 5:10 PM first pitch last Wednesday for Game 5 of the ALCS, basically everything I blogged about last week after Monday was #DozVsTheDozen related. As much as I love this project and have a ton of fun competing in trivia to an audience that still has yet to surpass double digits while also garnering hundreds of thousands of viewers, there's so much more to DOL. First and foremost, I'm a writer. I want to write, I love writing, it's my dream/only goal in life to be a Barstool blogger, but after a long day of wasting my life in a job that I hate, sometimes it's hard to be creative when 100+ 14-year-olds have sucked your soul out. I'm hoping to have a much more comprehensive array of blogs this week, starting tonight! That being said, I genuinely enjoy #DozVsTheDozen and don't see it going anywhere unless I have a scheduling conflict like I did with the Orville Peck show a month ago. This episode is the fourth of 12 episodes (so far) uploaded to YT, and at some point, every episode will be up; I just have to rewatch for my own sake beforehand. #DozVsTheDozen XII was a solid match that you can watch now on an actual life television, computer or tablet; I'll see you tomorrow for XIII! P.S.
I addressed the Safeco Field question on the Youtube description, my bad, I WAS WRONG!!! Song: Shot in the Dark (1986) Artist: Ozzy Osborne Album: The Ultimate Sin My roommate played this Saturday night during a Youdoob sess, and it's been stuck in my head ever since. It also kinda plays on the Halloween theme that I'm going to institute this week because I LOVE Halloween; nothing that you can dooooo. Last week, #TML had yet another 5-3 showing because I keep giving the Texans too much credit (but I mean 38.5 is sooo fucking low, and we got to 34), and the Chargers laid an absolute egg in the charm city. I thought they'd at least keep it close, but maybe the Ravens are just that good? Perhaps the highs and lows of the Browns game set them up for a letdown spot? I'm frustrated, not because I'm losing money, but because people who believe in me are. Honestly, I just get off on the ego trip of being correct and feeling smart; the money is just an added bonus, that I want/sometimes desperately need. I don't like the board today, it truly is bye-mageddon. Plus with a couple of well over -1000 favorites, there's not a lot of juicy options for the week 7 edition of #TML. But this is our time to get off the schneid!!! Pray for points!
Song: Hey Ya (2003)
Artist: Outkast Album: Speakerboxx/The Love Below
Alright now, readers.
Yaaa! Who's colder, yea colder, than ice-cold? DOZO! I can't hear ya I said, who's colder, yea colder, than ice-cold? DOZO! Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alriiiightt.
Despite that harsh reality, with a win today, #TML is all of a sudden +4 units on the year! It's bye-mageddon and not an incredible slate, but the fact of the matter is a win today puts us right back in the green with plenty of football left!
If you missed #DVTD XI, you can watch it right HERE. It was a great match, especially since I was almost bamboozled into thinking the stream was muted by my troll-ass friends in the comment section, but at least they were watching for five minutes!
As for tonight, we've got ourselves a matchup of the OG Dozen team, #4 Experts vs. a newcomer in The Troops. I set the line at Experts -4.5.
I respect the actual troops and have nothing but love for Chaps and Kate. I love what they do for vets and the LGBTQ+ community, but I'm not bitting my tongue here even though objectively, it is a little funny that stolen valor Billy is on this team. I try to keep my feelings about Barstool personalities close to the vest; I don't wanna fuck myself over while trying to get my dream job (that I would 1,000,000,000% crush), but I mean, nobody fucking reads this shit anyway and El Pres said he loves the drama, so... I cannot stand Billy Football. I won't say I hate him because I need to stop abusing that word, but I cannot stand him or anything he "brings" to the table. He's one of the bottom three personalities at BSS. The next time he makes me laugh will be the first. I had no choice but to root for Jose Canseco in RnR. Maybe this is the motivation I need to get back in shape so that I can challenge him? lolol (I'm not a fight guy). PMT is one of, if not my favorite podcast, but when he speaks, my skin crawls like I'm watching the Island Boys (FUCK those creatures). It genuinely angers me that he works for Barstool when I don't. So yes, this match is personal. I compete against everybody and try to win regardless, but it's officially time for the early check-out if Billy Football outscores me.
#DozVsTheDozen XII airs TONIGHT on my Instagram (@DOZONLIFE) at 7:05ish. I can't wait to see you there! Song: Fools Rush In (2019) Artist: Dale Hollow & The Long Con Album: Yours Truly As someone who's out here grinding, trying to make his dreams a reality, I have tons of respect for people in their respective fields who are fighting that same fight. When I saw Orville Peck live exactly one month ago, his opening act was Dale Hollow & The Long Con. I had never heard of them, and there was no Wikipedia page to catch up, but those boys put on quite a show. That Dale Hollow is a showman. My guy is out here with a minor at best social media presence and no airplay on country radio and still opened up for Orville. Granted, Orville is niche AF (like this publication), but he's been featured on Zero skateboard, various late shows, and some Netflix doc, so it's certainly an accomplishment. It's no secret Ole Dozo is a gamblin' man and has had some Frozen Tundra cold streaks, but what gambler hasn't? If you've ever been colder than ice cold, this song is for you. P.S. Broncos ML tonight. I'm in for a unit. +105. Double P.S.
In this live version, Dale references Mahomes and Jimmy G since it was the most recent Super Bowl at the time, but in the studio version, it's Brady and Goff.
I just got home from a professional development day and luckily one of my big meetings never happened.
I finished my rewatch of #DozVsTheDozen XI during that unexpected free time and uploaded it to Youtube. Since the Weebly app is hotter garbage than a Madden league I used to be in (#DOLdeepcut), I wasn't able to share on DOL, so now I am. It was a solid match, 1000000% worth the watch, in my unbiased opinion.
I know the Sox just started, and I'm watching too since it's actually available on YoutubeTV, unlike scuzzy NESN. Key-key just took a ball to make it a full count. I'm not crazy; I know you're probz watching the Sox...wow just took a questionable strike three...nvm, decent pitch. Anyways, I know nobody is gonna fucking watch this right now, so at your earliest convenience, please go to youtube, then subscribe to dozonlife, next like and comment on my videos to drive up engagements! Thank you!!! Alright, back to the game, siiiick Chris Sale just gave up a bomb, but that could help my Boston Big Night Parlay.
Go Sox, but fuck John Henry and Tom Werner forever!!!!
Enjoy :)
Song: Too Good (2021)
Artist: Arlo Parks Album: Collapsed in Sunbeams
You know what else wasn't "too good?"
The strike zone last night. — Tucker Boynton (@Tucker_TnL) October 20, 2021
Guess which one was called a ball?
P.S.
I just realized this is my 303rd blog of 2021. Bonus song! Pregame For ALCS Game 4 With America's Favorite Game Show about a Game Show #DozVsTheDozen XI10/19/2021
After an 11 day hiatus, The Dozen Trivia returns tonight at 7:00pm in an intriguing matchup between #1 The Yak and #5 Team Minihane for Match #145.
That means America's favorite game show about a game show, #DozVsTheDozen returns as well, at approximately 7:05 on my Instagram @dozonlife.
Hand up, I still haven't rewatched #DozVsTheDozen X, but I'm like 82% sure I lost. It was super close; I need to check the tape to confirm the scores. So I'm either going for four straight wins or three out of four like the first half of the double dynasty. Not bad for a guy with no teammates and 2 point disadvantage since I can't partake in the bonus round.
First pitch for Sox-Astros is 8:08 pm, so tune in to watch ya boi battle two top 5 teams before the game. I love both of these rosters, but it's all business tonight. I don't know why Pat followed me on Twitter, but I greatly appreciate the support.
He's currently one of two Barstool personalities that follows my Twitter, which means as of this very minute (5:35 pm), 1.79% of my followers are barstool employees. One day hundreds will. #HireDozo
#DozVsTheDozen airs only on IG: @dozonlife. See you at 7:05ish! |
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