After three seasons, the Mac Jones era is officially over in Foxboro.
Mac Jones' had a promising rookie year that saw the 2021 Patriots at 9-4 going into their week 14 bye. They then went 1-3 to end the regular season, with their lone win coming against the 3-14 Jaguars. Against Buffalo, the Pats suffered the worst playoff defeat in team history (although who knows what happens if Brandon Bolden doesn't have that drop on the opening drive lololol).
Mac Jones was runner-up for Rookie of the Year with a respectable 22 touchdowns and 92.5 passer rating. How did the Pats handle his all important sophomore season?..
Even though Mac Jones exuded many punk-ass bitch tendencies, it's hard for me to place all the blame on him for his Foxboro failures. This organization neglected him like a step-child, but honestly, loyal DOL readers...I don't fucking care about this. We won six Super Bowls. I am more than okay with paying my karmic taxes with some shit football. I'm like how billionaires should be. I got to experience the highest of highs during the double dynasty, and now I want other suffering fan bases to get a taste of it. I want my Bengals fan bro to experience a ring. We're hoarding Lombardis. We have more than we know what to do with. We have so many that AppleTV+ thinks it's cool to fast-forward through the story of two of them!
Plus, if you saw today's SOD blog, you know my head and heart are elsewhere. All I've thought about since Thursday is this incredible woman and what could have gone wrong. It doesn't make any fucking sense. What could've happened between 9:30 Wednesday night and 6:03 am Thursday? Mac Jones was never gonna be Tom Brady, but I thought I found my forever person. I hadn't felt so happy in years. I was definitely happier than I was after we won Super Bowl 53. That game wasn't even enjoyable. So yeah, Mac Jones is going home to Jacksonville, Florida (that sucks, man) to be Trevor Lawrence's backup. TBH, it's probably the best spot for Mac to go. He needed a fresh start. Maybe Doug Pederson can fix him? I really don't care one way or another. All that matters to me is authoritarianism not happening (it's not looking good, but I'm hopeful) and finding a way to show this woman that we shouldn't give up on us this soon. Not to be crass, but I've never been prouder of my foreplay game. I would've bet anything we were gonna end up together. I felt so comfortable with her. I legit have never been this devastated in my 32 years. I don't even really care about DOL anymore. It's been eight years. I gave it a valiant effort. Nothing matters but love and happiness. That's what the world needs more of, and until my dying breath, it'll be the most important thing to me. Despite how horrible things can be (like Mac Jones' attempt at tackling Chandler Jones), I still hold out hope for humanity to come together and defeat all our issues. There's more good than bad out there, and it has to be overcome. I still can't believe we fucking signed JuJu over Jakobi. Like that's not Mac's fault. You can't break someone's arm then yell at them for not being able to use it. I don't want Drake Maye on the New England Patriots. I don't pay much attention to college football, but that dude screams Trubisky 2.0. I wouldn't hate taking Marvin Harrison Jr and giving Kirko Cousins a call. But again, football seems meaningless at a time like this. All I want is to go back to the state of bliss I was in until I woke up and checked my phone on Thursday morning. I don't think you understand how much I cried on Thursday, dude; I lost weight..like you can see it in my face. Also, Mac Jones annoyed the fuck out of me. If he weren't a Patriot, I would've never had to pretend I liked him, but that dude just rubbed me the wrong way with his demeanor. You just know he calls January 6th a tourist gathering. There's a clip of him laughing WAY TOO hard at something Belichick said on the bench. He was hamming it up big time, probably for Bill's approval, and it was disgusting. Relax, guy, just be a human for a fucking second. I won't use her name, but if you're reading this, it's okay if you're scared that you found someone who's such a great match and even better guy. I get it, some push away in times like that, but all I want to do is love you and give you everything your heart could ever desire. Mac Jones...whatever dude....goodbye/luck I guess?
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Song: How To Disappear Completely (2000) Artist: Radiohead Album: Kid A Last week was brutal for the Doz man. I've been a wreck since Thursday morning. Wednesday was one of the best nights of my life, then I woke up to an RPG obliterating my soul. Everything seems more meaningless than usual. All I want is happiness (and for fascism to not happen...but they're super intertwined in this situation), and I fuckin' had it in my hands momentarily, only for it to slip through my fingers. Like, what went wrong? I don't get it. The vibes were vibing. I was in heaven in an in-law apartment. I honestly thought I had met my forever person and tbh, I'm not giving up hope entirely just yet, but as of rn I'd love to unplug my brain and heart so I don't have to feel this anguish. I've cried more this week than I had in the 2020s, and let's not forget how much this decade has destroyed me! You definitely don't wanna check out what I wrote on threads (@steelydoz). I'd do nearly anything on earth to get her back. I'd eat 1,000 raw carrots, which if you know me is huge. I can't get down a raw carrot without causing a scene lol but I'd do it with pleasure for another chance at this incredible woman that I have no shame in saying I already fell for.
"Omg" is right, Mr. The Captain aaaand The Truth!
We know they play for banners in Boston, blah, blah, blah. That's true, but can we please also enjoy the ride? This team is fucking nasty and super fun to watch (today's game will get at least 45 seconds on the championship DVD). The Celtics ELEVENTH win in a row put them in rarified air as the only team in NBA history to win three games in a season by 50 points (or more!). Not bad for an afternoon without Tingis Pingis. Right away, you knew this wasn't just another regular season game for the C's, and Jaylen admitted during his halftime interview that I couldn't find fucking anywhere. The Jays stepped up big time in limited action. Mazzulla pulled the starters with like 19 minutes left.
At first glance, 82-38 looks like a waaayyy bigger deficit than 44 points.
In a bizarre decision, the Warriors gave Jaylen Brown more space than the Apollo program. 7uice made them pay early with FIVE first quarter threes.
AND HE CAN PASS!
And unlike Boobie Miles, play D.
I LOVE THIS SIDE OF JAYLEN! BE A KILLER, 7!! YOU'RE AN AMAZING ADVOCATE FOR POSITIVE CHANGE OFF THE COURT, BUT WE NEED THIS COLD-BLOODED KILLER ON THE FLOOR!!!
Don't get it twisted.
It was an awesome JT's b-day ass-kicking of a team that won the 'ship on our wood, but if the C's don't win it all this season, it'll be a massive disappointment. Stats like these are punchlines without a ring. Boston fans know that all too well, and if you don't, AppleTV+ will gladly remind you in their disappointingly slanted double dynasty docuseries.
On his 26th birthday, Jayson Tatum went 4/5 from deep, which boded quite well for the Doz man!
I love and believe in this team (I gotta get to the Garden again this season). Joe's been great. As long as we're healthy, we can beat anybody in a best-of-seven. The C's are top 3 in offensive and defensive efficiency and more importantly, hungry and motivated. TALK YOUR SHIT, JAYLEN! The fellas know the job hasn't even started yet, but in the same breath, we're all gonna be dead for eternity someday (probably). Enjoy the little things, like blowing out another team by half a hundred. Bleed Green!
P.S.
What a fucking photo. Incredible. 18 is coming.
Song: Parklife (1994) Artist: Blur & Phil Daniels Album: Parklife When I say I've watched this music video 20 times this week, I am not kidding. Geeks me out and is catchy af. GET SOME EXERCISE! (I have! Gymed it 5-7 days) I've been on a massive 90s Brits kick, I have. Radiohead, Blur, The Verve, Oasis. That's probably it, but that's a lot for a bloody Yank! P.S.
Happy Birthday JT!!! Thank you for hitting O3.5 threes! Greetings, loyal DOL readers; it is I, ya boi Ole Dozo, coming at you live from my bed at 10:13 pm on leap day 2k24. I hate how inactive I've been on the blog lately, but ya boi has been going through it and feeling a little more helpless than usual. I mean, things are definitely looking up. I'm in the extremely early stages of talking to a super cute fellow 32-year-old lefty teacher; been working out consistently and haven't eaten fast food in 2024...I'm actually super proud that I haven't broken yet. My shrink and many others tell me I'm too hard on myself, so I'm gonna blow myself for a sec here. At the time of typing, I'm an hour and 45 minutes away from making it two full months without fast food. I'm usually awful with New Year's resolutions and definitely still need to cut out other things, but I am pumped at this point. Do I miss Taco Bell? Of course, but it's for the best. I don't wanna die and need to be healthy to have the confidence I want to live the life I'd like. I do feel better but also feel like I've been pooping the same. Idk I'm no doctor, but maybe it's similar to the weed tolerance thing when the more you smoke, the longer you're T break needs to be to actually work. It'll probably take years of fast food abstinence to clear out all the Cheesy Gordita Crunches and Wendy's 5 for 5s in my guts (s/o livy rodrigo). With Wendy's tryna introduce fuckin' surge pricing to Baconators, I might never return to one of my favorite redheads (at the very least not until I'm back in the 200s). To quote my favorite person that's also a band, Kevin Parker, "Yes, I'm changing," and like my little nephew teething, it fucking hurts. I'm trying my best to do the so-called "right things" while existing in this hellscape where it feels like nobody is happy or optimistic and the world is literally and metaphorically on fire. I know I'm not the only person out there who feels this way, but it fucking feels like it at times. I feel so alone; it stinks on ice. I get it part of it is "this stage of life," but that's also B.S. I'm worried my friends have outgrown me, and after 8+ years of DOL, I still haven't made the name for myself online I was hoping for. My tweets shouldn't always get zero likes. I don't wanna give up, but it's tough when you're struggling. In my last session, my shrink used this line that has genuinely stuck with me: "You can't pour from an empty cup." That's me. I live in this perpetual cycle of wanting to create but having nothing to give because I'm so in my fucking head and miserable about the state of humanity. I could sleep for the next three months and still be exhausted in every sense of the word. I'm not tryna be a downer, like I want the world be a better place for all. I pray for world peace every night. Gun to my head I am a God guy; I just loathe the Christo-fascist interpretation that is cyanide to our society. Believe what you want but don't force it on others. And that doesn't mean you can use your religion as a shield to be a bigot. Look up the 1946 project. Being gay is natural!! This is a Brain Dump in every sense of the word; I'm only gonna proofread for spelling and omitted/extra words. I'm just spewin'. I've wanted to write about a lot of stuff in my time away, but I let other things get in the way. Part of it is because I'm getting more and more okay with the prospect of never writing for Barstool and having that "what's the point?" feeling (with many things outside of writing too). Don't get me wrong, I still want to work there. It's a dream of mine, but there's so much more out there and I don't want to limit myself to the potential things that will somehow bring my life everything it's missing. I'm actually pleased to be back in the classroom, but it may be because my current long-term sub gig is the cushiest job I've ever had. I'm in a fucking special ed math class. It's insane that I'm in this position like I'm a history teacher who was out of the classroom for 18 months. I feel guilty AF that these kids aren't getting the education they deserve, but like what am I supposed to do? I was assigned to this position, needed a job, and had to be able to survive. It's not like I do nothing. I'm great with the kids and have built some awesome relationships. I'm gonna miss them when this placement ends, but yooo I'm not a fucking math teacher. The kids are super diverse in terms of function level. I'm not working with like severely handicapped kids. I'm probably more autistic than half of them. But being back in the classroom has me itching to be part of a school community. That's one of the most significant parts of education that appealed to me when I "chose" this path. Back to the loneliness and feeling like I don't matter thing...yeah, it's consuming my whole life. Getting nine likes on my February Dump on IG definitely didn't help. I know caring about that stuff is stupid, but it's like a tangible thing, and ik my fucking friends are on there. Do you not like me? Am I getting shadowbanned for my wOkE stories?? WTF is up? Wow, it's already 11, and since I need to get to bed at a decent hour to be a fake math teacher tomorrow, I'll end this dump here. If you read this, I love you. Go C's. Our "democracy" is at serious risk; please fight for it. P.S. I've been listening to The Beaches all week. This performance is the perfect intro to these fun sexy Canadian rockers. I've watched it twice and counting. Song: Broken Man Artist: St. Vincent Album: All Born Screaming (2024) I'm gonna miss St. Vincent's Bowie-esque Daddy's Home era (that's what made me love Annie Clark), but this NIN (who I don't really fw outside of copy of a, copy of a, copy of a, copy of a, copy) vibe is working for me...probably because I too am a broken man. Annie's lookin hot af here (pun very much intended), but talk about tough timing for a video where she's on fire given the self-immolation of Aaron Bushnell. I think it's safe to say this video was filmed well before that courageous act that is already forgotten by many *sad face emoji*. It's giving ya boi Clear Channel post-9/11 memo vibes. P.S. The Clear Channel Memo is nothing but bangers. This is just a sliver of the list. "Chop Suey" was only weeks old at the time! Double P.S. You wanna talk broken man......... (elite meme & album reference tho)
I've seen pretty much every piece of content about the double-dynasty that the Pats and NFL Films have to offer. Screw 10,000 hours, I'm closer to 100,000. Malcolm Gladwell ain't got shit on me! I've done my job (fallen asleep to youtube playlists) and can recite the dialogue in the 2001 Patriots America's Game verbatim (Lawyer Milloy's line on all the problems he was dealing with in '01 is unintentionally hilarious). For some reason, the 2014 Pats America's Game isn't on YouTube, but every other Super Bowl team's is.
Ideally, I was gonna wait until all ten episodes of AppleTV+'s The Dynasty: New England Patriots were out before I watched them, but Friday night, I gave in and binged all four available episodes. If you haven't seen it, two new episodes drop on Fridays until March 15th. The descriptions of those episodes are up on AppleTV+, so you can see the pacing and its many flaws.
That's my biggest issue with this project so far. I've loved the player interviews and candor we usually don't see from people associated with the Patriots, but who the heck decided it was a good idea to spend like 2.85 episodes on the 2001 season, then fast forward to 2007 and Spygate?? Scott Pioli basically tries to explain Spygate as a result of the pressure of winning, and we get a Vine's worth of '03 & '04 coverage. Sick!
Any Patriots fan/person who appreciates NFL history knows that few key moments happened between 2002 and '07.
Did the Brady-Manning rivalry never happen? How are you gonna gloss over two 14-2 Super Bowl seasons? Before two-ish weeks ago, the 2003-04 Pats were the most recent team to go back-to-back. It's like if you did a docu-series on The Beatles, spent three episodes on the Ed Sullivan Show, then episode four picks up at the Let It Be sessions. Yo AppleTV+, You know your little show is called "THE DYNASTY," right? I'd say 1/3 (2/6 if you don't reduce) of the Pats' Super Bowl wins are essential parts of that story.
Sure, Apple is trying to cast a wide net, blah, blah, blah. I know they want non-Patriot fans to watch too. I get why they didn't find 20 seconds to mention Rhode Islander Mike Cloud scoring five touchdowns for the '03 Pats, but it's fucking irresponsible to attempt to tell the story of the double-dynasty without mentioning Tom Jackson's "they hate their coach" rant after Bill cut Lawyer Milloy, the 21-game win streak, Willie's goal-line tackle in Indy, Bruschi's snowstorm TD, Ty Law picking off THREE Peyton Manning passes in the AFC Championship Game (and the Colts bitching to the league to get the rules changed), the back-and-forth classic that was Super Bowl 38, trading for Corey Dillon, Mike Vrabel being a touchdown machine, Vanderjagt shanking the game-tying field goal in the '04 opener, Troy Brown playing corner, holding the 2004 Colts offense to a fucking field goal in the playoffs after they cried to the league and got the rules changed, beating Pittsburgh IN Pittsburgh for the AFC title (again) after all the "they can't get on our level" B.S. Joey Porter was spewing after Pitt ended the 21-game win streak, Belichick's speech where he tells the team the Eagles parade route, or Fredex (Freddie Mitchell) talking shit about how he couldn't name the Patriots DBs before Super Bowl XXXIX. Karma got the last laugh since that was the last game of that bum's career (btw, 1 catch for 11 yards). How can you spend so much time on the Snow Bowl/Tuck Rule Game and not mention the 1976 Divisional Round??? I was -15 years old when it happened, and I know all about how the Sugar Bear Hamilton roughing call cost the Pats. Did he touch Ken Stabler's helmet? Yeah, but it was 1976 when manslaughter was allowed. On 3rd and 18, it bailed the Raiders out and saved their season. John Madden doesn't win his lone Super Bowl without that call. The '70s Raiders are viewed entirely differently in history without that call. The Tuck Rule was simply the Pats' payback en route to their first Lombardi. If you're gonna spend like 30 minutes on Bill Parcells, you should've at least mentioned the parallels between the 1976 and 2001 Patriot-Raider playoff games. Despite the tone of my blog, I have enjoyed the docuseries so far; it's awesome to hear Ernie Adams. I'm just wicked disappointed with its execution to this point. If you're gonna make a 10-episode docuseries about the double-dynasty....maybe mix in the fucking Super Bowls instead of the first of two incredibly overblown -gates? P.S. What the FUCK is going on with these run times?
Thirty-three minutes??! Are you kidding me? I liked the long Ted Lasso's, but you mean to tell me you'll make a 60-minute episode about Coach Beard, but we can't get a fucking hour ep about the most remarkable run in the history of North American professional sports? That is so damn rude. What's the point of making this if you're not gonna make it right? I'm sick of people/fascists rewriting history. I could've done a better job. It's not complicated. Here's a brief outline of how it should've gone that took me about five minutes.
Episode 1: 2001...briefly hit on the disappointment of 2002...starting 3-0, then falling to 3-4 and missing the playoffs. I'm talking 10% of the episode max, so it's mostly about 01 and other backstories like Kraft buying the team, Bledsoe, etc. Episode 2: 2003, 2004: 21-game win streak; back-to-back champs. Pats go from underdogs to dynasty (hated). Episode 3: 05-06: changing of the guard in the NFL. Bruschi's stroke. First playoff loss, choking away the 2006 AFCCG, and how that lead to bringing in Moss and Welker. Episode 4: 2007 Episode 5: Brady's injury in 08, first home playoff loss in 09, 2010 draft sets the Pats up for the next decade. Pats make it back to the Super Bowl, but Gronk's injury costs them. Episode 6: Aaron Hernandez saga & the Butt-fumble. Episode 7: 2014 & deflate-gate. Episode 8: 2016 & deflate-gate. Episode 9: Malcolm Butler benching, Pats bounce back in 2018 and win last Super Bowl...the dynasty starts to crumble. Episode 10: The downfall of the double-dynasty. Brady leaves for Tampa (gross). Song: Blame Brett Artist: The Beaches Album: Blame My Ex (2023) Had I found this song in 2023 and not this weekend, it would've for sure been on my Top 23 of '23. Everybody knows Dozie LOVES all-girl rock bands. Also, sorry for not writing for over two weeks. This may come as a surprise, but I've been going through it recently. Luckily, there's upbeat girl rock to ease the pain of existence! Yesterday, I listened to this album front to back, and so far, my favorites are today's SOD, "My Body ft Your Lips," "Kismet," and "Cigarette." I love a nice "Shower Beer" too! P.S.
I hope the people of Mississippi find this song and make a parody about Brett Favre stealing from the poor. Song: Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home) Artist: Usher Album: Raymond vs. Raymond (2010) I'm obvi pumped for the game itself and prop bets, but I'm wicked excited for the halftime show. I love Usher. He's been making bangers for longer than most of the guys playing tonight have been alive. I've been a fan since 8701 but had to go with one I loved my senior year of HS that might've evolved into a "Dozie's Home" rendition with my old friends that I desperately miss! Hopefully, we get that sick guitar solo from the rain dance part of the "You Got It Bad" video during the show tn.
I'm starting this blog at 11:28 am on Super Bowl Sunday after spending most of my week designing and tinkering this year's collage, and I still can't decide who I'm gonna pick. Mid-intro P.S. Can I get a job making these professionally? It's high-key and one of my favorite things (it's quite soothing).
As a narrative, history, and conspiracy guy, it's hard not to pick the Chiefs. Patrick Mahomes is probably the best quarterback of the 21st century, not named Tom Brady, and he's far from finished. If the Chiefs win tonight, Patriot fans should start getting worried about Mahomes passing Brady's six rings (As a Patriots fan, I don't claim the Tampa one, even though I did bet on the Bucs in SB LV and hit on Gronk scoring the first TD). The league would definitely prefer to see the Chiefs win. Whether or not anything shady happens to allow that remains to be seen. Mahomes is unreal, and much like Brady's legendary tenure in New England, he's reinvented his game throughout this run. These are not your high-flyin' Tyreek Hill go ball, Chiefs. They grind it out and have some serious 2018 Patriot vibes with a great defense (2nd in the NFL) and running game, although this does not feel like the end for them (maybe some of the older blood like Chris Jones and Kelce...if the Chiefs win this SB, I wouldn't be shocked if he retires to be a full-fledged media darling/Taylor Swift's husband). I've heard something like 75% of the money is on the Chiefs, which worries me. Vegas will take a "big hit" if Kelce scores the first TD, which makes me want to sprinkle, but despite how KC-centered the blog's been so far, I really want to see the Niners win. They've been my go-to online Madden team for the last two years and are jam-packed with studs I'd love to see win a ring. As the cliche police will tell you, football is a team game and IMO, the 49ers are a better and more well-rounded team than the Chiefs, but when you have already a top 5 QB of all-time, it's hard pick against them. They also have the better kicker; Butker's top three in the NFL, and Jake Moody is probably bottom ten. If I were a Niner fan, I'd be missing Robbie Gould big time today. I don't trust Moody in a clutch spot late. He's already missed two sub-50 yarders this postseason. Before I go any further, George Kittle is better than Travis Kelce. Kelce's a great pass catcher and helped me win my 2022 fantasy championship, so I don't hate him like I used to well before he was in 30 commercials a game, but Kittle dominates the blocking game and is the closest thing to Gronk the NFL has in terms of complete tight ends.
I'm not exactly discovering a new planet with this take, but if I'm the 49ers, I'm making someone other than Travis Kelce beat me through the air. Make Rachee Rice catch 8+ balls or fucking Noah Gray make a play. You know MVS will drop some. With Fred Warner and Dre Greenlaw, San Fran has one of, if not the best linebacker duo in the NFL that can MAYBE handle Kelce. It's a legacy night for Fred Warner. Stopping Kelce and making Mahomes rely on KC's other options is IMO SF's best chance defensively. I wanna sprinkle Fred Warner for SB MVP but I can't find it on the RISB.
It's not impossible to slow these Chiefs down, the Ravens shut them out in the second half and frankly should probably be in this game. I don't know wtf Baltimore was doing offensively, but they got scared and went away from their power running game. You can run against this Chiefs defense. Buffalo ran over 180 yards in the Divisional Round. Kyle Shanahan loves to pound the rock and feed CMC. I wouldn't be shocked to see him touch the ball 30 times. Kyle Juszczyk is gonna touch the ball too. I already spinkled him to have at least one reception this SGP.
FTR, I'm pro-Taylor Swift. Cruel Summer is a BANGER. The far-right hates her because she empowers women. If you get legitimately upset that the broadcast shows the biggest pop star on earth a couple of times, you need to calm down. Worry about something that actually matters, like her carbon footprint.
I still don't know who I'm gonna pick. I'm so fucking torn. I want the Niners to win, but I think the Chiefs will, and at the end of the day, I'm just tryna make a little scratch. I might place parlays with each team that make it possible for me to bet both ways and still have a profitable Super Bowl Dozie. Like I wanna pick the Niners, sooo bad, but the Chiefs have the better QB, kicker, and coach. Defenses are basically even; the league wants them to win; Brock Purdy is a game manager, and the Niners have struggled to get this far (they owe Dan Campbell some Metallica tickets or something), but am I seriously gonna bet against Mahomes? I've done it before and won, but it's not the most intelligent move. Sure, I was right in Super Bowl LV and the 2018 and 2022 AFC Championship Games. I've been decent at knowing when to take KC. I was on them last year and doubled down when they were down 10 at half. I'm high-key talking out of both sides of my mouth here because, again, I'm likely gonna find a way where I can sprinkle both ways and will likely do something live, too, based on game flow, but fuck it...who's actually reading this? Just get high and look at the collage. You'll have fun. I hope Usher crushes it, and we all make some money. Fuck it. I'm going with my heart instead of my head. Don't forget how much Mahomes and the Chiefs' offense struggled against Baltimore! Behind CMC and their D, the Niners win their first Super Bowl in almost 30 years. 49ers: 31 Chiefs: 27 58 points for Super Bowl Dozo. I'll comment my plays throughout the day, but the Doz Man HAD to take this. My hands were tied.
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