If you've never seen Cool Runnings. Stop reading this now and watch it on Netflix. It's one of my all time favorite movies from my childhood. I'd conservatively say I've watched 100+ times. I had to rewind that VHS a LOT as a kid.
Now on with our regularly scheduled blog post:
Is giving Cool Runnings only 2/5 stars on Netflix the biggest injustice of the history of mankind? This is a question I jokingly asked on twitter last night.
This all started Monday night when I put on Cool Runnings as my fall asleep movie.
I'm a biiiiigggg "need sounds in the background to fall asleep" guy. If it's silence I think way too much and I don't need to think about what death will be like when I'm trying to fall asleep.
So what I like to do is put on a movie or show I've seen many times before so when I fall asleep I don't really miss anything, since I already know what happens. It's a pro move. 80% of the time I pick The Office, but on this night I decided to veer in another direction. I turn on something, then just roll over and listen to it for like a half hour before I pass out.
Well since it was so late and I was so tired, I didn't even realize the rating Cool Runnings had received. Totally overlooked it. Last night I decided to finish it, and actually look at the screen. When I did I was shocked to see 2 measly little stars.
I mean look at some of the garbage on Netflix with a higher rating.
The disrespect by the people rating this makes me want to vomit. I'm not saying Cool Runnings is the best movie of all time or anything. But it is a fucking classic, with a great story and message. It deserves a hell of a lot more of respect than a fucking 2.25. Giving Cool Runnings a 2.25/5 is the equivalent of giving it a 45 out of 100 which is a failing grade. Which means you (the voters) think this movie failed.
You're telling me the story of four Jamaicans brodas who under some interesting circumstances team up and represent their small island country in the Winter Olympics against all odds is only worth a 45? With themes such as teamwork, perseverance, forgiveness, acceptance, and national pride I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's a better overall movie than the fucking The Angry Birds movie. Nobody is crying from that.
Cool Runnings made almost $155 million in the box office against only a $14 million budget. V good return on investment, especially in 1993.
Plus it has received acclaim much more worthy than 2.25 stars.
Hey IMDB, nice.
Yet somehow these idiots on Netflix think that some shitty Ralphie May stand up warrants a better rating. That is an injustice that will not stand. They say when you see wrong, do something, no matter how big or how small. So that's exactly what I'm doing.
It got me thinking about some other injustice's in the history of mankind and how they compare. Now you can decide on your own what you think the biggest injustices in the history of mankind are. That's your right.
Here are IMO five of the worst things to happen in the history of mankind.
Why Slavery was an injustice:
I think anybody with a brain could agree that Slavery was a HUGE injustice and one of the biggest mistakes in the history of man. Definitely the worst thing America has ever done. It was a really fucked up thing to do.
But at the same time, Cool Runnings tells the story 3 Jamaican sprinters and push cart driver who thanks to the coaching of a disgraced former Olympian end up qualifying for the Olympics as bobsledders. They don't have snow in Jamaica so that's a pretty big deal. Before this they only sent athletes in three summer sports. Track, boxing and I don't remember what the third was. Despite ridicule from pretty much everybody along the way by the end they are considered equals. (Sound familiar?) It's a movie that still will make me cry at the end after the crash, despite watching that scene at least 100 times.
After all of that, some morons gave that story less than 2 stars on Netflix. Little intro to math for you. Since that is an average score that means more people have to give it a bad score than a high one for the score to be so low.
How Black People Have Been Treated Since Slavery Ended
Why How Black People Have Been Treated Since Slavery Ended is an injustice:
All of those are horrible things. It is an absolute shame that black people still are fighting a lot of those battles today. I'd say most people agree that those are injustices.
However in Cool Runnings Yul Brenner starts out as an angry tough guy, mad at the world, and really mad at Junior. I mean afterall, he was responsible for him not already being at the Olympics as a sprinter. He also wants to get out of Jamaica and live in Buckingham palace. He then becomes a great friend to Junior, first by helping him stand up to that racist ass hole Josef Grool in the bar, then ultimately his overbearing father who disapproves him chasing this dream (now that sounds REALLY familiar). He becomes not only a solid teammate, but a solid friend as well. His character growth throughout the film is one of the highlights in my opinion. Yet still Cool Runnings only has 2.25/5 stars. Disgusting.
Why The Holocaust was an injustice:
The Holocaust is the biggest genocide in the history of mankind. I think most people could agree on that one. I wish it never happened. Although because of the butterfly effect, that could mean I was never born, but please know I'm not happy it happened.
However if there could be any light at the end of the concentration camp tunnel it has to be this. I'm sure at least a few people who died in the Holocaust had it coming. Now before you report this and try to ruin my life hear me out.
It's estimated anywhere from 6-11 million people died in the Holocaust. That is way too many. We all know that. But I mean statistically I'm sure at least like 5 of them deserved to die. There had to be some murderers, robbers or rapists in the bunch. I mean it's just basic probability. If you have that many people, some are going to suck. If you give me any group of 6-11 million people on this planet, I'm sure at least a few deserve to die. Now I'm in no way condoning what went down, in fact I do believe it is one of the biggest injustices of all time. Way too many people died. It was a fucked up situation to say the least. I'm just saying I bet a few people had it coming.
That being said. In Cool Runnings, John Candy as Irv Blitzer is able to go from disgraced cheater, who had to give up his two gold medals. To the coach of one of the most inspirational stories in the history of the Olympic games. But believe me, it was not an easy journey. He had the vision to turn sprinters into bobsledders, and while they did not win a medal, I think you'd have to call his experiment a success. He gave Jamaica something to be extremely proud of, even if at first they thought he was crazy. After all of that Cool Runnings still only has 2.25 stars on Netflix.
Women's Suffrage/ All Other Women's Equality Issues
Why Women's Suffrage/ All Other Women's Equality Issues was an injustice:
It still blows my mind how women have had the right to vote in the US for less than 100 years. In the grand scheme of history that is nothing timewise. Like women couldn't vote during the Red Sox early century dynasty. That makes me sad. It also isn't fair that they still do not get equal pay, and I don't need to dive into the reproductive stuff, I just believe a lady should have the right to do with her body as she pleases.
Everything that women have dealt with definitely sucks.
But in Cool Runnings Doug E. Doug plays Sanka, one of the best pushcart drivers in Jamaica. He is the comic relief throughout the movie, always having something funny to say or do. Whether it be kissing his lucky egg, letting Derice know he's not dead after crashes, or having coach Blitzer bang his helmet on his head to fit over his dreads. He left Jamaica mainly to help out his friend Derice after he was robbed of a chance to sprint in the Olympics after Junior tripped him. I don't think I have a lot of friends who would do the same for me. While he sometimes may be perceived as a joke, he is actually a great dude and one of the most important characters in the story. Yet still Cool Runnings has 2.25 stars on Netflix.
The Battle for LGBT Rights
Why LGBT people have dealt with injustice:
The gays have had it tough, although luckily for them now things are definitely improved, and quickly in terms of history time. Just look at where we were 50 years ago. However it still could be better. In 2017 there are states that want to repeal the progress that has been made in marriage equality. The hate for the gays is something I'll never understand. Even if you disagree with the lifestyle, it really doesn't impact you. Unless you've been raped by a gay person (which I highly doubt you have) then there's no real worry about them. Live and let life. Even if you think it's gross, just look away. I'm a low key God guy, but I believe deep down he loves all his children, including the gay ones. Idk maybe I'm oversimplifying things but I feel like if you are anti-LGBT you're a loser. It doesn't really concern you, just let people be happy. Don't get me wrong, I think they should be subject of jokes just like everybody else. That's true equality. But I'd rather have gay neighbors who are good people, than some scumbag who beats up his wife.
Everything that the gays and all their subdivisions have dealt with and continue to deal with is less than ideal, and I want you to know you have a friend in Ole Dozo, that being said it doesn't take away from the fact that Cool Runnings has only 2.25 stars on Netflix despite one of the best opening songs in movie history.
So now that I've provided you with some information I'll let the final decision be up to you. I'm not saying that Cool Runnings only getting 2.25 stars on Netflix is worse than what Black people, Jews, Women, and LGBT have dealt with. Nobody is getting killed here.
However I think given the level of success the movie received, it is getting disrespected. Very disrespected. And In Japanese culture people will perform Seppuku (killing themselves by driving a sword into their chest) to avoid embarrassment and disrespect. They'd rather die "with honor" than with embarrassment, or at the hands of an enemy than be embarrassed or disrespected. So in their eyes, the blatant disrespect by the Netflix viewers may be worse.
While it may be unfair to rank injustices, I think at the very least a spot in the top 10 is justified.
(I feel like I have to say this to save my own ass, but this was a joke)