I am a Man and I Prefer To Pee Sitting Down

I hate to get political on DOL because

a. I don't like politics and how much they divide people. Case and point: America now.

b. I don't like talking about topics I don't know much/care about because I think it makes me look dumb (along with anybody else who does that).

That's why I try to strictly keep conversations to these topics: The Office, conspiracy theories (Kurt Cobain was MURDERED!), pop-punk history, Boston Sports since 2001, memes of all shapes and sizes, pizza and where to acquire the best pizza, one hit wonder trivia, often-misquoted lyrics and romantic comedies.

That being said, I think this whole "toxic-masculinity" issue that's going on in full force by the ultra-left is really stupid. I agree, that a lot of "1950's ideals" of what being a man is are out-dated, like I tell people I love them, and have hugged my father, but at the same time I do believe that this country is slowly trying to eliminate the stereotype of the masculine male. It's like the government wants to feminize the average man so there's less people who will fight back when it all comes crashing down or something??..

Look I'm not saying this all as some manly-ass dude. I'm not, I know I'm not and I'm completely cool with that. 

But what I'm not cool with is how the media is making it seem like it's not cool to be a man. It's stupid. Don't apologize for being a man. It's not your fault!  You shouldn't even for a second have that thought in your head, but that's a perfect example of the creation I'm talking about. You're supposed to feel guilty? For fucking what, winning the life lottery? Fuck you. It's okay to be manly.  Like nobody tells you in school about the trades which pay way more money than a ton of conventional "you need to go to college to get this job-jobs".  

As a society as a whole we're spending too much time worrying about shit that does not matter.  Perfect example is the war on the word man. God-forbid you refer to something as a ___________-man.  You sexist pig! They're trying to eliminate the word "man" from everything! It's not businessman, now it's business-PERSON. Soon it's not going to be a "man-hole" cover, it's gonna  be a "person-hole" cover. I  expect that one day the 1985 Bangles' hit "Manic Monday" is going to have to be re-recorded as "Human Monday" or else it's going to have to be pulled out off the proverbial record store shelves. 

Whether you have any idea about what the fuck I'm even talking about or not, there is likely one thing you know from years of using the bathroom based on gender stereotypes and that is: "Boys stand up to pee, and girls sit down".  This is something that clearly matters, as said so by the U.S. Government.

Well buddy,  I'm here to tell you that that is certainly not the case. Not for ole Dozo, no sir-e-bob. I've slowly told close personal friends of mine that I will not stand to pee, and happy to report I am not the only guy who feels this way. So I am here to be the champion for all the men who are too ashamed to admit it, I SIT DOWN TO PEE!!! 

God it feels so good to finally get off my chest. 

I'm not here trying to convert. If you rather stand, by all means, stand. I'm just hear saying it should be socially acceptable for men to admit that sitting is better without having their masculinity questioned! "You sit when you pee" being considered an insult is lunacy.  What is "you wear sweatpants to bed" an insult too?

​Not only are their the obviously comfort pros to sitting, there are also proven health benefits as well! Sitting can help when you have enlarged prostate, and somehow makes it easier for your bladder to get completely empty. Idk how, I didn't design the human body, I'm just some guy reading the first page of a google search.

I mean don't get me wrong, being a dude is pretty cool (despite what the media will say to you). Being able to pee outside rather easily is a nice added perk. The world is your toilet as a man. Something I enjoy quite fondly. There's few things like peeing outside to get one with nature. I feel like a regular Bear Grylls after the fact.

Sadly women cannot truly enjoy this the same way, and never will be able to unless then grow a dick, which up to this point has never happened naturally in the history of people or peeing.  I can still remember being a freshmen in college when my then girlfriend would pee outside while intoxicated. Like every. single. time. she was drunk.

But I'm the immature one?

Back to the topic... How quickly she'd drop her underwear to her ankles is why I fell in love with her. While her drunken balance skills were impressive, it was just not something anybody should ever be a part of. Girls will never truly understand the care-free outdoor piss. I just feel badly about that. As a girl you just look so vulnerable. It's sad, it's awkward. What happens if it's a windy night? You could fall from your squatted position at any time and land in a puddle of your own urine. Never fun! When you have a wiener you can almost never be in that same situation.

Even with that awesome advantage of being a man, I'm still going to piss sitting down in the comfort of my own home.

(Also I don't like the terms for urine. If I say pee I feel like I'm 4 years old, but if I say piss I feel like a scumbag. Since I'm much closer to a scumbag than a 4 year old I'm just gonna stick with piss)

I'll piss standing up pretty much like 90% of the time I'm outside of my home. Probably higher. But I wanna distinguish that I mean strictly public restrooms here. This is because out in public is the only place you come across urinals, and even though I'm v pro sitting I'm also a huge urinal guy. Sadly, most public toilet seats worldwide always have at least a little sprinkle of piss on them from idiot standers with poor aim. I'm not trying to whip off another man's piss from a toilet seat. Sorry, I'm still a man after all. Because I also don't believe in using seat covers I find myself in quite a predicament, as it's much easier to just stand. 

But if I'm at your house, and need to pee, yeah I'm probably sitting looking at Instagram while a stream of  steaming hot (about 98.6 degrees) clear pee (gotta stay hydrated, guys)comes out of my urethra at about half an ounce per second rate.

When I'm at home I think it's about 85% sitting pees and that should be okay. Another pro for the sitting team: Late at night you don't have to worry about aim. When I lived at my old house with a slider in my room the numbers were much lower because I'd go outside because again I am a man of nature and wild. But if it's a quicky, or I'm in a rush, like I just got home and barely made there (happens about twice a week), then yeah to save time I'll just whip it out and start pissing old-school. I straight up don't stand at home unless I have to.

We can't blur all these gender lines and being say it's okay for women to shave their heads and not shave their armpits and still be considered a woman, but the second I wanna pretend I'm shitting to get a break from being around people during a hangout sess just to clear my head and rest I'm not a real MAN! Can't go both ways. It's bullshit and as a man there should be no shame in that. Much like African Americans during the busing boycotts of the Civil Rights Era, I too want to sit wherever I want.

You shouldn't be thought of as less of man because of it. If anything you're more of a man because you don't give a fuck about what other people think of you. If you wanna say I'm not a real man because I can't change my own oil, haven't shot a gun or never made a woman organism then that's your prerogative. But fuck you if you're gonna say I'm not a man because I chose comfort over everything. That's what being a man is all about. That's why women wear high heels, not men. Give me some comfy ass Wallabees. I'm choosing comfort over everything 9 times out of 10. Sorry I want to be comfortable, just sit back and relax and let the piss flow. What a fag I am!

Honestly I'm just being smart. There's always at least a 51% chance that whenever I need to pee I'll probably end up having to poo a little, so if you wanna say I'm gay for playing the odds and trying to save time I guess you can my guest, Belle. 

Am I hero for admitting this? That's not for me to say. All I know is that I'm the only man with a blog out here fighting for the rights of other men to piss however they please. 

#IsitTOO

First selfie with my new #selfiestick □

A post shared by R Y A N (@rhodydoz) on Jan 5, 2015 at 8:26pm PST