I'm a Jimmy G guy. The Pats royally up fucked that trade. They could've gotten such a better return. Everybody knew Jimmy G's time in San Fran was over, and reuniting with Josh McDaniels in Vegas makes too much sense. I'm just bummed he got hurt last year. I would've loved to watch him play over Purdy in the playoffs.
But I'm sorry, Jimmy Garoppolo is too fucking pretty for the Raiders. I almost typed Oakland before that and still have to catch myself. Not to go on another capitalism ruins everything rant, but it is so fucked up that the Raiders no longer call Oakland home. I am a huge AFL history guy and respect the shit out of the Raiders organization, even if they've been a shit one for most of my time as a living human (December 15th, 1991-present). The Oakland Raiders are a staple of professional football, and I know they left before, but they should be in Oakland, even if Vegas low-key does fit their swag.
I've watched more NFL Films than John Facenda and know all about the autumn wind. When you think of the Raiders, it's a skull and cross bones. They're pirates. His face is weather-beaten. He wears a hooded sash with a silver hat about his head and a bristling black mustache. The Raiders are pockmarks and bar fight scars with a tooth or two missing. They're stick-em and cigarettes. The Raiders are fucking gross. Raiders eat their boogers. Do you think Jimmy G eats his boogers? (even if they do taste good) Sometimes you need to just go off vibes, and is Jimmy G a vibe fit with the Raiders franchise? Luckily for him, they're in Vegas now, and Jimmy G will crush that city. That plays. But this man is too fucking pretty to be a Raider! They're grit. Jimmy G is a lot of things, but gritty is not one of them. Sure, everybody looks good in black, but among many reasons why this signing probably won't work (the Raiders D is TERRIBLE) is the fact that Jimmy G is simply too pretty to be a Raider. As soon as I saw the news, that's immediately what came to my mind. THIS is a Raiders quarterback. 
Now pretty boys have had plenty of success in the National Football League. That guy Jimmy G was initially drafted to replace in Foxboro had a pretty decent career. But Jimmy G is too pretty to be a Raider. Even though the Jets' newish uniforms suck, I could see him in New York because it's fucking Jimmy G. Broadway Jim, hello? But they're likely gonna end up with Rodgers. Again, this makes sense from a scheme and history POV since Josh McDaniels coached Jimmy G for 3.5 seasons, but I'll repeat it, Jimmy G is too pretty for the Raiders. Their o-line is gonna get him killed if some dirty blow doesn't, but then again, you know Jimmy G tests his shit.
From a football standpoint, I love this deal for the Raiders. Jimmy G for only like 20 million gives them plenty of cap flexibility. Like the quasi-fact (NFL contracts are never what they say they are) that the Giants are paying Daniel Jones 40 mill a year is ludacris. Good luck building a team. But Jimmy G is too fucking pretty to be a Raider. It simply doesn't fit. It's like when you see a hot chick working in a fast food drive-thru. Honey, what are you doing here? You deserve so much better than this. 
Jimmy G is a lot better than he gets credit for. 38-17 as a starter in San Fran. If he connects on the deep ball to Manny Sanders in Super Bowl LIV, he's got a ring. He's far from the sole reason the Niners blew that game, but for the 50th fucking time, this man is too pretty to be a Raider. I don't care about scheme. I don't care that Davante Adams is there. Use your brain one time. Is a pretty man like Jimmy G gonna be a successful Raider? I think not! Vibes matter. Mark Davis technically being Jimmy G's boss is outrageous. These men don't belong on the same planet, forget same organization.
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