SNL's "Big Boys" is The JAM of Cuffing SZN (and laced with facts!)

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​I've always been a big-ass dude (despite having a flat ass, no matter my weight), but my struggles with maintaining a normal/healthy body weight are well-documented. I get the idea of body positivity but have a hard time supporting it. I agree that we should treat all people with respect, but I don't like the idea of telling morbidly obese people it's okay to be fat. It's not. There are serious health risks that come with obesity. I'm a fat dude who's fluctuated since I was a teen; I know this all too well. I've had substantial weight losses in 2005, 2009, 2012, 2016, and 2019. Despite my dark ass sense of humor, I don't wanna die. It scares the fucking shit out of me. Because of this, I recently started going to the gym again about a month ago. I'm starting to notice changes (my roommate even said something about it yesterday!), but my two+ year Covid binge will take a WHILE to shed. I wish I had started months/years ago, but I wasn't in the right mindset, but I reached that point and am trying to get a hold of things. I know that I'm worth it, and this song high key gave me a confidence boost I desperately needed.

My pronouns on my Twitter are fat/fuck as a joke; everybody knows I support the LGBTQ+ community. Sure, I don't get the whole I'm a they thing, but if that's what you wanna be, do you. There are literally billions of more important things to stress about. But as a fat/fuck, I've had my struggles with women, more so that I'm too afraid to put myself out there because I'm a big boiii and think that nobody of quality will give me the time of day. It may seem shallow, but I don't wanna be with a woman as massive as me and conversely understand why someone would write me off because of my size. I love a thiiiicccc queen, but being where I am in my brain, it feels like all that's out there for me are fellow 4Xers, and honestly, I'd rather be alone. My shrink tells me constantly that there are plenty of larger men in happy relationships with conventionally attractive women, and I've seen countless examples with my own eyes. Still, with my track record and lack of confidence in my current state, I feel like it's not gonna happen for me given my present-day career and health situations.

With 31 around the corner, I'm definitely starting to think more long-term. As fucked up as the world is, I would like to have a family someday, and it's easy to start doing that kid math. Last time I got laid Gronk was technically still on the Pats, which is embarrassing and heartbreaking, and I don't want to have kids with someone who isn't my wife (as a child of divorce, one of my biggest fears is bringing up kids in that same situation). I haven't been on a date since before Covid, and I think like, damn, we're looking at like 2-3 years from now best case scenario, before seriously settling down, which would mean I'm over 50 when my future kids graduate high school. I mean, part of me is cool with waiting until I'm more financially established, but I also don't want to keep putting my life on hold. I'd love to be in a relationship or in love, but because of my lack of self-worth, due to my weight and life in general; I haven't even tried in years.

I get it; it's easy to shit on SNL, but I watch almost every episode, and I think it's a lot better than what I see/hear on social media. I didn't know who Keke Palmer was going into this episode, but she did a decent job. My favorite skit from Saturday's episode was this ode to big boys for those cold winter months. Representation matters!!! And even if it's sort of a joke, watching this video made me feel better about myself.

I mean, this bop is loaded up like a premium baked potato with big man facts. Just last night I brought in all my groceries in just one trip (plus my one gallon water bottle). I haven't flown since 2018 because I know I won't fit in coach. I still wear shorts this time of year. I'm an elite cuddler and produce plenty of body heat. I just wish Sarah Sherman was in this song. These ladies crushed it (and I'd love to crush Ego), but I've got a serious SNL crush on Sarah Squirm. Again, I support all people's right to express themselves however they want, queer cuts and body hair aren't my swag but when they doll up Sarah in more traditionally femme appearances, she's undeniably hot. Fuck, even as Sarah Squirm she does it for me.

What I'm trying to say in this blog is that I fucking love this song. It should be on streaming services. I see where people are coming from when they say it feels nice to be represented on screen. I get it, not everybody wants a big boy, and that's okay, but as a big boiiii, who feels unwanted because of his size and struggles, this skit meant a lot to me (along with plenty of other big boys in the comments). It's funny with a good message, everybody involved did an awesome job. Punkie wrote a great song. Ego's delivery on the "did this man just die?" line killed me. I'd love to share a blanket in first class with Cecily. SNL almost always crushes it's musical skits and this is just the latest example of that. If any ladies reading this are looking for a big boi this winter I'm only a click away.