What a ***puts on sunglasses***
***Roger Daltrey screech from We Won't Get Fooled Again****
Now after my Horatio Caine opener, let's dive into this.
This has got to be one the most bizarre stories I've ever seen in all my years on the internet....someone has stolen Charlie Villanueva's toilet!
Now I could go after low hanging fruit, pull a KG and say "someone stole your eyebrows too" but I'm not going to be that ugly, especially at this time of night. Very big of me, I know. The man just got his toilet stolen after all.
The former Uconn Huskie took to twitter to share the crappy news. I've v curious if he just says "shit" a lot or is making a lot of poop puns given the current situation he's in. #shitiscrazy
Remember in Austin Powers when he gets hit by a shoe and all he can say is "who throws a shoe, honestly?" Well Ole Dozo feels the exact same here....who steals a toilet honestly?
That's my biggest takeaway from this. Who the fuck steals another person's toilet? Who wants a used toilet? This is not a random act. Not to victim shame or anything, but I feel like Charlie V must've really pissed somebody off to get his toilet stolen. You don't just get your toilet stolen for no reason.
Cause by the looks of it some legit plumbing went down. I don't know too much about installing/removing toilets, but I'm guessing you need a few tools. Some big ass wrenches that the normal burglar doesn't normally carry on their person. Whoever did this must've been prepared. I'm guessing the sole objective of this mission was to just steal Charlie V's toilet.Sure he lost some appliances too, but that wasn't the main goal. Cause you don't just go rob a house and decide "fuck it, let's take the toilet". I mean maaaaybe if you're a crack head, who thinks they can sell it, but even if it had been some random ass, run of the mill crackhead burglar who stole it, then odds are it wouldn't have been done in since a pristine fashion. Scroll up and look at that picture again. That was some fucking craftsmanship. I feel like there would've been water running, fucked up pipes, maybe even a broken tile or two had it been some spur of the moment toilet-napping. But nah, that's not the case at all, that looks official as hell. I feel like a real detective.... a Horatio Caine, if you will, this must've been done by someone with plumbing experience, and had to of been planned with some sort of legit motive.
The more I think about it stealing someone's toilet might be one of the most fucked up things you can do someone. And again not to victim shame a man who's waited over two hours for the police to show up, but I gotta say I feel like there's more to this story. People don't just get their toilet's stolen. I think there's a better chance of someone just snapping and killing you than there is of someone snapping and stealing your toilet. In a way this arguably more fucked up too. Personally, I'll shit anywhere, my days of poop shame are long behind me, but I'm not a monster, I can empathize with the problems of the common person. I know that a lot of people hate using the bathroom away from home. They say there's nothing worse than having to shit on an away court, you wanna go where you have that home court advantage, where you know your surroundings. You want to be able to just come home and let loose without a care in the world. Someone took that luxury that we all take for granted away from Charlie Villanueva.
Now I would hope someone who played 11 years in the association (had to look it up, didn't even realize he was out of the league) has more than one toilet in their home, but I guess you never know. This is some psychological warfare shit. Obviously getting legit valuables stolen would be less than ideal, but I mean you go a night without watching tv or porn. Not being able to shit in your own home is fucked up. You either have to go outside like a dog, in a box like a cat, or leave the premise entirely. FUCK THAT. I'd rather buy a new tv than not be able to shit in my own home for a night. Plus I feel like it takes way longer to replace a toilet. You can go to Best Buy and get a new TV in an hour. You're not getting a new toilet that quickly.
All I know is there has to be more to the story of this. I'm hoping by the time you read this the police have shown up to Charlie's house. #findCharliesToilet