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I don't know why I get so worked up about everything. I wish I could go back to only caring about sports, and...that's it, but unfortunately, I have this stupid fucking conscious weighing me down.
I mean, it's pretty idiotic of me to worry about democratic backsliding in this, the greatest country on earth. If anybody attempted a Coup in the good ole U. S. of A., clearly we'd do anything and everything to hold the people responsible accountable. Law & Order isn't just a hit tv show, baby! It's how we protect our nation and democracy. This is America; we don't have to worry about silly stuff like far-right extremists here, only tourists. Things are looking great! It's been basically two weeks since our last school shooting, which is like a lifetime in dead student years. Luckily, when those rarities do occur, we have guaranteed health care and women have autonomy over their own bodies. So if you do survive, you know you're gonna be taken care of with free or reasonably priced medicine. And I mean, why would we worry about what goes on in schools or how teachers are treated with how much of a well-oiled machine the American public education system is? We don't even give F's anymore! If anything, teachers have it way too easy. They don't even work in the summer or after school! Everything they could ever want is just handed to them. God forbid, they get off their lazy ass and pick it up.
Do you hear all those people going crazy? They loved seeing educators get on their hands and knees to truly earn those singles to put towards classroom supplies.
Why would we treat them with basic dignity and respect? Students don't have to! They're rolling in so much dough they can buy their own fucking school supplies and therapy. Why would we do something asinine, like using tax revenue to fund what could be elite institutions of learning in the greatest country on earth when we can kill some time in between periods watching people with Master's Degrees stuff dollar bills down their shirt? This is America. Get those freeloading, over-paid teachers on the ice to entertain us during a minor league hockey game intermission. Watching the Zamboni isn't enough! Don't you know all those lucky teachers took home at least $350? Do you realize how much/many pens, pencils, notebooks, erasers, posters, maps, whiteboard markers, whiteboard cleaner, folders, notecards, packs of white-lined paper, packs of computer paper, packs of construction paper, scissors, glue sticks, books, computer programs, snacks for food-insecure students, paperclips and post-its that can buy?
Speaking of buying things, I was pleased to see Whole Foods made sure none of their profits went to waste by doing something crazy like donating perfectly good food. Dumpsters need to eat too! Why doesn't anybody ever advocate for them? As we all know, homelessness has been eradicated here in the greatest country on earth. But know what we don't have enough of? Trash. We don't have nearly enough garbage on this planet. This summer, I did my part and dropped off some styrofoam for the critters at the beach to enjoy.
I just can't believe this bitch stopped the hungry, hungry landfill from getting its fair share of premium groceries. Trigger warning for Amazon fans!
Things aren't just great, THEY'RE FINE. Everything is fine. U! S! A!
P.S.
What a fucking joke.
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