$1,290 is a Fair Price For a Designer Umbrella That Isn't Even Waterproof

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I don't get what the big deal is? If you're willing to shell out almost $1,300 for an umbrella, practicality is not your swag. You have zero right to complain when you're willing to pay like 25 times the average price of a regular object just to impress people you don't even know with a fucking umbrella as if they've ever been cool. If I went out and purchased a $758 Lacoste 12-ounce water bottle, the last thing I'd expect it to do is hold water.

I mean, what do you want? Do you know how expensive it is to pay children to screen print a piece of non-waterproof fabric on a sickle-looking rod and make a massive profit? Think about the companies! What about the shareholders?!

Believe it or not, umbrellas have a pretty fascinating history. They've come a long way in thousands of years. There was a time when men were shamed for using umbrellas because they were considered effeminate. "Fellas, is it gay to stay dry?" - 18th century Brits. If you're interested in that story, click THIS.

Remarkably, in a few hundred years, we've advanced to a point where for the reasonable price of $1,290, you can get a designer umbrella that doesn't have the one feature umbrellas are most known for. Sorry, if you're poor and can't experience that. Maybe if you cut down on the Starbucks and avocado toast?

I can't even get mad at Adidas or Gucci. If you could plaster some logos on non-waterproof umbrella fabric and call it a day, you would too. Don't hate the player, hate the game. You know you don't have to buy these, right? And if you do, what kind of gall do you have to expect them to keep you dry? You have to drop at least $1,500 for that kind of luxury, you fucking peasant. GO TO BED, BITCH!