|
Outside of the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 remastering, there hasn't been too much skateboarding content on DOL. It's not to say I'm not a fan, because I am. King of the Road was my favorite show on Viceland when they were airing it. I loved skateboarding and skate culture long before I cared about "real sports". I was even in a skate-video in 8th grade.
I was watching the X-Games before I watched the Super Bowl. I may not be able to drop-in or ollie while moving, but I've spent more time on a skateboard in my life than I have inside women.
Speaking of not being inside women, my favorite country musician and Thrasher magazine fan, Orville Peck now has his own signature skate deck. More like Orville Deck, amirite.... If you're unfamiliar with Orville, I wrote about him back in February when I was listening to nothing but his debut album Pony. If you know THPS, then you probably know the name Jamie Thomas. In 1996 Jamie started his own brand called "Zero Skateboards". Even if you don't skate, you've probably seen people wearing Zero at some point in your life. Today (technically yesterday), in 2020, country-alt rocker Orville Peck joins the likes of Jamie Thomas and countless others by having his own signature Zero skate deck. 
This collaboration between Zero skater Dane Burman and musician Orville Peck stems greatly around the title of his song "Hope to Die". Burman used the song in his clip of the same name and is a friend of the Canadian masked-man.
When I saw the news of this deck on instagram today it made me so happy. First off the graphic is very handsome! I was pumped for Orville. The detail in black and white is beautiful. Plus the skating community gets a bad-wrap for being full of "punk-ass skaters" who may have close-minded views. Not to stereotype too hard, but skaters love to shit on people who wear their brands, but don't actually skate. I'm sure you've heard the term "poser", shit you may have been called one before. It's easy to assume people that may use that term to bash those who are actually helping finance the sport they love aren't super Progressive. To see this acceptance of not only a gay man, but COUNTRY music in skating is pretty encouraging. Like KG said, anything is possible. Look at how happy everybody is.
Here's a close up of Orville and his deck.
I mean this board is CLEAN.
If you haven't heard Orville Peck yet, I highly suggest that you change that. After Rage Against the Machine and The 1975, he's the act I'm most bummed about missing at this years cancelled Boston Calling Festival. I'm so excited to see where his career goes next and what other cultural gaps he closes.
0 Comments
Via: AP
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Gov. Gavin Newsom on Monday approved legislation prompted by the helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant and eight other peopls (That's how the AP wrote it. YIKES! At least DOL doesn't have an editor; what's your excuse?) that makes it a crime for first responders to take unauthorized photos of deceased people at the scene of an accident or crime. Reports surfaced after the Jan. 26 crash that killed Bryant, his daughter Gianna and the others (this is Dozo talking again...that's not a super-great way to mention the seven other victims @AP) that graphic photos of the victims were being shared. Eight deputies were accused of taking or sharing graphic photos of the scene, Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva said then, adding that he had ordered the images deleted. He said the department has a policy against taking and sharing crime scene photos, but it did not apply to accident scenes. The measure that will take effect Jan. 1 makes it a misdemeanor with fines up to $1,000 per offense to take such photos for anything other than an official law enforcement purpose. Bryant’s widow, Vanessa Bryant, has sued the department over the photos.
Did you ever have a phase as a kid where you were obsessed with obscure laws or were you busy playing Little League and having friends?
Instead of learning how to throw a baseball, I wondered how laws like "it's illegal to eat fried chicken with utensils in Georgia" or "no seaweed collecting in Maine" got on the books. I said laws "like" because while I can remember having conversations with my grandparents about weird laws as a boy, I couldn't tell you any of them except that it's illegal to have an ice cream cone in your pocket in Alabama. Meanwhile the age of consent is only 16 #RollTide. With this new law in California, there is no wondering why it's on the books; it makes perfect sense. After the shocking and untimely death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gigi and seven others rocked the entire planet, news came out that first responders at the scene were sharing photos of the dismembered victims. One even allegedly used the photos to hit on chicks at a bar. 
These were people's parents, children, family, spouses and friends. The loved ones of the victims have already gone through enough. They really don't need some ass hole rookie cop putting a snapchat filter on burning, dismembered remains of someone they love in hopes that their tinder match gets wet from the event that set the wheels in motion of 2020 being a historically awful year.
That being said, I don't want to come across some holier than thou person when it comes to shock and horror. I'm a millennial, I understand the urge to document your life. I'd 100% look at the photos if you offered to show me, but that's just because I have a curious mind. In 2014 when the Ice Bucket Challenge and ISIS were everywhere I watched all the videos I could.
I went to middle school in the 2000's. I can vividly remember going on Rotten.com and having "friends" show me snuff films on fucking Limewire. Guess what I picked when asked "do you want to watch Baker 3 or someone get their head chopped off with a Samurai sword?" It was not very hashtag good guy of me. I say this because I don't want to sound like the parents who act like weed is heroin when they used to do coke on the regular #hyprocrites. I get the fucked appeal of fucked up shit. (what a sentence!)
I also understand that some laws just make sense. As much as I want to be smug and talk shit about this not already being a law, I almost understand. The ability to instantly take a photo of anything, anywhere (except at a Tool concert) is relatively new. Most people didn't have camera phones in like 2004 so there was no need for this to be an official law, I suppose. My first cell-phone in '06 didn't even have a camera. I used to have to borrow my dad's to take my myspace angle mirror pics (the term selfie wouldn't be part of everyday language for over five years). First responders are there to try to save lives, not be TMZ. While I'm sure it was pretty obvious there would be no attempts at resuscitation that Sunday morning in Calabasas, it is kinda disgusting that EIGHT, almost an entire baseball team worth of people (you could get away with two outfielders if they're fast enough) decided they needed personal photos of dead children. While I think the Kobe Bryant Act of 2020 is a good idea to deter people from taking photos of horrific accidents, I feel like a $1000 fine isn't steep enough. I don't want to say $1000 isn't make or break to some people, but that doesn't seem like a harsh enough punishment when some big publications will just gladly factor that into their acquisition cost. If anything purchasing photos from a crime/accident scene should also be a crime. R.I.P. to all nine victims, hopefully this law is passed by more states if they don't have something on the books already. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times; I LOVE cross-genre covers. You can click the link-roulette to see why. While the song this blog is about isn't exactly a textbook cross-genre cover, I have deemed it blog worthy because it made me happy for about four minutes, and there's simply nothing else going in the world worth talking about. Certainly nothing that may have happened last night. So I was on Youtube looking for something to play in the background while I get irrationally upset at universally panned Madden 21 (it's never my fault that I suck at something!!!)  and came across a video entitled If Blink 182 "Wrote Semi Charmed Life" which was more than enough to earn a click from me. After I finished, I was like bro even though you're bummed that summer is over and The Heat are still around, you gotta use this as opportunity to blog. As an artist, I have a curious mind that needs to be either super-stimulated or completely turned off so I don't overthink myself into a panic. While playing video games, I put something on in the background (usually on my laptop) to kill two birds with one stone. See, I feel guilty watching tv or playing video games when I should be doing something productive like blogging, so I've combined the two for the sake of time. Now that you have a better understanding as to why I must be looking at multiple screens at all times to never be alone in thought, I can tell you about how much I love this cover (a lot) by Alex Melton (a YouTube musician with 81,000 more followers than me that I had never heard of until about 7:30 PM). It looks like cross-genre covers and "if X wrote Y" are kind of his things, so he's already earned a subscription from ya boi. His country cover of Girls had me all types of confused. I'm never going to knock a fellow human for trying to make it in the content game (who isn't my direction competition), but a word of advice from your friend Ole Dozo; stick with the Blink 182 covering other bands schtick because it is fucking awesome and may be your ticket to wherever it you're looking for. It's good to diversify, but when you strike oil in your backyard (as we often do), you should follow that lead. When you have the gift of being able to replicate both Mark Hoppus and Tom DeLonge's vocal cadence, I say see where that takes you. So if you like songs that you didn't know were about Crystal Meth despite it being sung out to you in black and white by a dude who sorta looks like Q from Impractical Jokers doing his best Californians impression than this is the cover for you! I mean this is perfectly Blink. As for the Heat hanging around even though summer is over, does the internet really new another bummed out Meteorologist from the Northeast explaining why the Cold Front just wasn't ready yet to take the next step, even though the rest of the weather set a clear path for the Cold Front to take the Eastern reins? I mean Heat didn't even make the weather conference last year and now they're the Keynote speaker. All anybody can talk about is the Heat....It's frustrating, especially when the Cold Front seemed destine to happen. The weather report even gave the 96.1% chance of a Cold Front on Monday and a 94.4% chance on Tuesday, but the Heat still showed up and stole the show. They took away any possible chance at a Cold Front; even though it was colder more than it was hot over the course of time these weather patterns were tracked. Absolutely brutal! Especially now when the weather for the year is gonna be either Heat or a Lake that's in a state that doesn't even have any fucking Lakes and isn't even technically weather! You're just supposed to say how great this new lake is even though it used be a Heatwave (long story). Of course, there's still great chance we could get a legit Cold Front next year, but it's easy to get hung up on this year when it felt like the stars were aligning for the Cold Front. I guess the Cold Front is just still a little too young, but then you see how young some of the Heatwaves were and you're like "I don't think we can use this excuse anymore".
Oh what a lovely NFL Sunday it has been! The Patriots dismantled the Las Vegas (I'll never be cool with that) Raiders to improve to 2-1.
During the game, I talked a lil shit about Sony Michel. It was so quiet at Gillette that he may have heard me!
— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) September 27, 2020
26 literally had the two best runs of career (in terms of yards) after I chirped.
I don't want to choke on my haterade, but I stand by this tweet.
Things weren't all sarcastic this Sunday! Coach Belichick ended his presser with a genuine wish of good luck to Brad and the boys (the Boston Celtics) going into tonight's ECF Game 6.
All that is cool, but most importantly, the DOL Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week hit;;;; AGAIN. Did you see that @barstoolsports??
Now if you're someone who reads dozonlife.com, but doesn't follow me on instagram or twitter (can you change that plz? @dozonlife) you're probably a little confused since I haven't mentioned this new phenomenon here until today.
First things first, here's the definition of a 6-point teaser incase you're not up to speed with gambling lingo (the concept is the exact same with 6.5 or 7 points).
It's basically a parlay (a single bet that links together two or more individual wagers and is dependent on all of those wagers winning together. ... If any of the bets in the parlay lose, the entire parlay loses; thanks google!) where you can adjust the lines.
I'm a huge teaser guy because I'm indecisive AF and teasers give you some serious wiggle room. They're like the promise ring of bets. That wiggle room does comes at a cost by drastically altering the odds and like all parlays, you have to hit every leg for the bet to cash. With 8 legs, that means 8 things have to go right..hence the name "Too Many Legs" Teaser of the Week. In week one, I placed a 6 leg teaser that went 5-1 because Phil Rivers is allergic to winning games he's supposed to win. 
In my self-deprecating ways, I poked fun at my failures by going even bigger the following week with an 8-leg, 3-time slot teaser. Normally, I don't like to mix time slots, but things ended up working out for the boi.
Ya boi had to sweat it tf out. Green Bay was down two scores early, Tennessee was up big and almost blew it. After recovering an on-side kick, all the Bucs had to do was run out the clock to seal the game. My teaser over would've pushed. Thankfully, Leonard Fournette has been somewhat shaky in his professional career so you knew he wasn't going to just fall to the ground Todd-Gurley-style after breaking this one.
I needed Harrison Butker to hit three straight from 50+ in overtime to get KC -2.5 AND over 41.
Miraculously everything hit. 8/8. $500 for the boi. I deposited the majority of my winnings into my checking account and this week, I placed another 8-leg teaser for the DOL Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week.
The Celtics are about to tip off, but like last week....The Too Many Legs Teaser of the Week was not easy!!!
As a man of my word I am officially no longer allowed to be mean to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Texans +9.5 hits!!!
God Bless the Victory Formation!!!!
— Pittsburgh Steelers (@steelers) September 27, 2020
Eagle fans were not happy after tying the Bengals, but I think we all should appreciate Mr. Backwards hat himself, Carson Wentz for opting not to throw here.
8-0 two weeks in a row; 5-1 in week one. I'm not a math major but I believe that's 22-1 in teaser legs this season. There's a lot of football left so let's not get too excited just yet, but at the same time you'd be a fool to not hop on this wave. I apologize for the wrong use of too in the tweet, like I said I was jazzed up. #HireDozo
P.S.
​Go C's.
Eddie Murphy Was Trending on Twitter Because People Didn't Know He's an 80's One-Hit Wonder9/25/2020 
If you know me personally and let's be honest; if you read this blog, you probably do, then you know all about my weird brain. I couldn't tell you the names of 60% of my cousins, or three of my college professors, but if you need to know who won the the 1957 World Series (Milwaukee Braves over the New York Yankees in 7) then I'm your guy (Bonus: they met up again in '58, except this time the Yankees won in 7 after being down 3-1).
I have referenced that my life truly began in 4th grade many times before on DOL. It's not to say I don't have any memories prior to 4th grade, it's just that was a seminal year in my life/development. I was a 4th grader during the 2001-02 school year. A lot of shit went down that year; both literally and figuratively. #NeverForget.
Sure, I can tell you the result of every World Series since 1954, but back in 4th grade I was busy memorizing something else; VH1's Top 100 One Hit Wonders.
I didn't realize it at the time, but now I believe my infatuation with One Hit Wonders stems from my day on the Rosie O'Donnell Show and the minor-celebrity that made me on Aquidneck Island for a few weeks before not making it as a child actor; despite multiple agents reaching out. (prob explains my love of Tim Tebow too)
So it's 2002. My class had been learning about how to use T-charts for polling and the Patriots just won their 1st Super Bowl in franchise history. Before the game, we conducted two (2) class polls; "Who would win Super Bowl XXXVI?" and "Who should start for the Patriots?" I voted for Bledsoe.
I tell that story as a character reference to prove my honesty. I voted against Tom Brady starting Super Bowl XXXVI because of what Bledsoe did in relief when TB12 got hurt in the AFCCG. So I hope you believe me when I tell you in 4th grade I memorized the entire VH1 Top 100 One Hit Wonders of All Time list. Not the Top 10, all 100. I don't think you understand how big of an accomplishment this was. I was 10. Yes, the internet was around in those days, but not like it is now. First, you had to have internet hours from one of those AOL disks. 
Luckily, that was never much of an issue since these things were EVERYWHERE. You'd get a free AOL disk in the newspaper, your cereal box and with your orange slices at soccer practice. But after that you still would've had to get your parent's permission to go online. If they were expecting a call in the next four days, FORGET IT. If somehow you were luckily enough to surf the web that day, the list wasn't readily available online anywhere. The only way to learn the VH1 Top 100 One Hit Wonders of All-Time (2002) was by watching the countdown every possible time you could or by making your own list, by hand, to study with later on. I happened to do both.
These experiences in 4th grade were the first ground-breaking shovel into my depth of obscure pop culture knowledge and references that someone my age should simply not know. Mind you, I got to watch SNL every-other weekend when I was at my mom's and I could quote Tommy Boy in its entirety at this point in life. I still can't believe I laughed at the hotel scene like I had any idea it was about getting caught jerking-off (I was still two years away from opening my third eye). I just liked how they mentioned Little Rascals because I was obsessed with Spanky.
I am getting so off-track, but back to One Hit Wonders. I knew that fucking list inside and out, bro. While the rest of the country was mourning after an unfathomable tragedy, I was obsessed with watching William Shatner shit on musicians who got a taste of stardom before stumbling back to reality.
So of course, I know that Eddie Murphy's 1985 hit single "Party All the Time" didn't make the list with other classics like T'Pau's "Heart and Soul" (#92 on the list) or Timbuk 3's "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" (#62). HOWEVER, it did make a special segment that mentioned 80's actors who reached One-Hit Wonder Status that I still remember to this day while not being able to tell you with confidence how a credit score works.
Needless to say, I was surprised to see this on twitter today.
It felt great to know all that research had finally paid off. I knew something that a few thousand strangers just found out today. Take that, h8rs! All those hours were worth it. It also proves that my development-hell One Hit Wonder content idea has an audience... People love this shit. Wait you mean Donkey from Shrek has a 80's coke song? Of course he does!
Although, from like maybe 45 seconds of research it looks like most tweets are people like me disappointed in whatever generation is below them (even though I was negative 6 when this song came out).
Like I said, it feels great to know all those years of research paid off. I'm here to inform just as much as I am here to entertain.
Anything really to distract me for a few hours before the Celtics season potentially ends after blowing a 14 point 4th quarter lead in Game 1 and a 17 point lead in Game 2. "Party all the time, party all the tiiiiiiiime."
P.S.
R.I.P. Rick James; another person I learned about way too early in life! 
I don't want to sound like the boy who cried Brian Wolfe, I know the DOZens of DOL readers remember way back on June 9th when I wrote a fantastic blog about Nathan For You leaving Hulu.
That was back pre-ub**Dozie, I had all the time in the world to inform people that one of the funniest shows of all-time was leaving its streaming home, Hulu.
By the time 10 days had passed, Nathan For You was still on Hulu and I was busy telling strangers how busy I was; while seeing if anybody would ask why I was playing Christopher Cross' Grammy winning, #1 hit "Sailing" on a continuous loop?
With my mind focused on the roads and never-never land, I never followed up to tell the good news that the Streaming Gods decided to spare Nathan for You's life for the time being. We all know how quickly the internet news cycle goes, we were on to the next one like HOV. If forced hysterectomies can't stay in the public's consciousness for more than a day, poo-flavored ice cream and chili suits don't stand a chance.
Because I care about you and the well-being of society, I am going to continue to do my public service work by alerting you that this time, Nathan For You's move is as serious as lying about a doctors appointment to skip line; Nathan For You is leaving Hulu in one week for greener pastures at HBO MAX.
The move makes sense, when HBO MAX acquired South Park, it felt like only a matter of time before they got more Comedy Central content. If cord cutting has taught us anything, it's how broadcasting rights work. Next week, Nathan For You, along with the following Comedy Central programs linked in an excerpt from deadline will be available on HBO MAX.
If you're like me and use somebody else's HBO MAX, (thanks Dad!) you're in luck! You will be able to stream Nathan For You AND Chappelle's Show. Sadly, nobody ever said anything about Christopher Cross all summer long. After Mookie Betts' 13 year extension with the Dodgers, nobody saying anything about hearing "Sailing" three straight times was the biggest disappointment of my summer. In closing, you have one week to watch Nathan For You on Hulu before it shacks up with Sesame Street and Class Action Park (A #MUSTWATCH documentary). This is low key great news because HBO MAX doesn't subject users to commercials like those monsters at Hulu.
I'll be honest, I really don't feel like blogging right now. Ya boi is physically and emotionally exhausted from being Edgar Allen Poe/existence in general in 2020.
But, you make sacrifices for the ones you love and I LOVE Remember the Titans.
Twenty years ago, TODAY, Disney released Remember the Titans to the masses (even though google, wikipedia and IMDB are causing me to doubt the accuracy of this news).
I am a weirdo (history major) who remembers random dates, but I can admit I didn't exactly have this day marked on my calendar...I found out the news this morning like the rest of twitter. REGARDLESS, if it's the 23rd or 29th, Remember the Titans is my favorite movie of all-time and I'll take any excuse to talk about it. I genuinely believe it's one of the best movies of all time given its historical relevance, emotion, message and acting. Since the internet will prob be like "hAvEn'T yOu SeEn The GoDfAtHeR??" I will gladly reply "NO!" JK nobody will say anything because 14 people read this blog and 11 of them are my mom.
Everybody has certain things that hit close to home and for me Remember the Titans is that movie. I was seven years old when it came out; in many ways its responsible for shaping and developing my love of football since my parents didn't exactly push sports-fandom on me at that point in my young life. I watched a VHS of this movie no less than 300 times in backroom at my grandparent's house and once back in December.
It's a major reason why I wanted to be a football player, so if you know anything about the history of Dozo, without this movie the "Dozah" alter-ego/persona may have never been born.
In case you've never seen it, Remember the Titans tells the story of T.C. Williams High School in 1971. That's a big deal because even though Brown vs. the Board of Education decided separate but equal was anything but in 1954, Virginia (and many other stone-age states) didn't desegregate for almost 20 years. I'm not going to give you a full book report on Remember the Titans, but what I will say is the story is super relevant in today's political climate. It's a case study in how hate is taught, not something born inside us. Everybody should watch it. If you don't have Disney+ I'll let you borrow my DVD (which was one of the first I ever owned) hashtag good guy. *Stefon voice* This movie has everything; Gettysburg, locker-room talk, haircuts, a young Dr. Turk, male-on-male kisses, bus trips, busing, Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin impersonators, the amount of feet in a mile, denied hand-shakes, PG racial slurs, a mother saying "those tears aren't gonna make my boy walk again", NCAA Division 1 caliber football scenes, Cleveland Baseball Team giving, the devastations that come with drunk driving, single fathers, Tai Chi, corruption, John Carlos & Tommie Smith, lies about how many siblings you have and quite possibly the greatest movie soundtrack of all-time (and that doesn't even scratch the surface of great music of this era in the FILM). 
I just rewatched on Disney+ out of respect for birthdays/anniversaries and will conclude this blog with some of the best scenes from this incredible movie. Go Celtics.
The internet is an awful place, full of truly terrifying things. One minute you're looking up "what was the Billboard Song of the Year for 1971?" and before you end up on "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night's wikipedia page, you somehow have learned everything there is to know about D.B. Cooper.
From all my time on the internet, I have learned many things, but you can set your watch to these three being true, according to said internet. 1. Dogs are more important than humans. 2. Onlyfans will quickly teach you the value of a dollar better than an economics class. 3. NBA Twitter HATES the Boston Celtics like poison. Knowing those facts are vital for navigating the inter-web successfully if you're under 35 years old. If you are ever feeling really low about yourself and need validation; just tweet about how much you love dogs or hate the Celtics and you're sure to get a handful of likes from strangers online. I am a big believer in self-awareness. I think it's paramount for a successful life. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses in certain situations can make or break you. You don't jump in the deep end if you can't swim. You never want to be a stereotype that someone sees in the wild. FOR EXAMPLE; I'm a fat guy. Now that it's getting a little colder, I know the amount of days I have left where exposed calves are socially acceptable are dwindling. I don't want to perpetuate any stereotypes that fatties wear shorts all winter long, so I consciously avoid doing so; even if I do have killer calves from supporting the rest of my body that shouldn't have to be put in a cage for winter. In a similar boat, since I'm a Celtics fan, I know I'm already walking on thin ice by simply existing. NBA Twitter has made thousands of people rich by bashing the C's. Paul Pierce gets more shit than a Port-A-Potty at a State Fair. The 2008 Celtics are universally hated online. I don't want Lebron Stans to chase me with their bitchforks, so I don't bring up the fact that the Big 3 Celtics directly lead to Lebron leaving Cleveland because they still have the tr**p card. Lebron Stans will just throw Game 6 of the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals (or Game 7 of the 2018 ECF) in my face so hard that my orbital bone would shatter. Like I was saying, you gotta be self-aware, but being aware of your surroundings may be even more important. You wouldn't play "Tubthumping" at a widows of 9/11 support group, just like you wouldn't compare Gordon Hayward returning from a month long ankle injury for Game 3 of the 2020 Eastern Conference Finals to an injured soldier coming home from war. Yet here we are. 
I am not joking when I say this "meme" or whatever the fuck you want to call it set Celtics fans back GENERATIONS.
I'm shocked that post isn't a creation of Bleacher Report.
The fact that thing survived (at least) 7 hours on the internet before being taken down blows my little mind. I deleted an on-purpose ugly selfie after five minutes because people didn't understand the art behind it. This thing is just so incredibly absurd that I almost have to believe it's a parody in itself, but after looking at the Facebook Page "Celtics Nation" and the type of posts you'll find there, I can confidently say there was zero irony here.
Let's quickly break down how ridiculous this post is. We'll start from the literal top.
1. "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing!"
Watch Vince Lombardi: A Football Life one time for me!!!
With Lombardi's recanting of that statement, the NBA's spotlight on social justice since the restart, the west coast still on fire and democracy on the brink, I think the fact that this is only a game and entertainment has never been more clear. I can almost give the creator a pass for using this quote since it's a sports page and most people don't know Lombardi's true feelings on his most famous quote.
2. Photoshopping Gordon Hayward's face onto a man in Army Fatigues IN A WHEEL CHAIR.
Even in today's chill-ass political climate, stolen valor is one of the quickest ways to end up pissing everybody off.
Unless you count his days playing tennis, Gordon Hayward has never served a day in his life. The creator of this meme not only used a picture of Gordo where he looks like Christopher McCandless' final photo..
..but (s)he also had to search the internet for the perfect parapalgic Army Vet to paste Gordo's blank stare onto atop of what appears to be a Celtics-Pelicans game from like 2016 and never stopped to think "ahh, maybe I don't need to do this?"
I don't know if this is supposed to be an homage to Paul Pierce or if someone really thinks the loudest 3/4/3/3/1 is NBA history on par with defending our nation?
One thing is clear. You should never willingly directly hand someone fuel to pour on the "this is why people hate you" fire. Celtics Nation on Facebook did just that with the most cringeworthy sports related "meme" of 2020. As a C's fan I am ashamed, this is why people hate us (totally nothing to do with the media's portrayal of Boston as the most racist city in America when the south exists). If the Celtics win Game 4, I am fully expecting to see Jaylen Brown dapping up Martin Luther King, Jr in Supreme and AirPods at the March on Washington from the Facebook Page "Celtics Nation".
Please play while reading.
I was going to watch Ted Lasso after the game regardless of its outcome, but now I'll actually get to enjoy it as the Celtics have won Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals. I am so fucking jazzed up right now. We have ourselves a series!
The C's lead wire-to-wire, but like the bitch seat on a cross-country flight; there would be no comfort until it was over. Going into half up 12 felt like up four knowing how this series has gone. (which prompted this basic ass tweet)
When Miami went on an 11-1 run in the third quarter every Celtics fan on this burning-planet was thinking "here we go again". Unlike the previous two games, the Celtics didn't fold like Jimmy Fallon at Jeffries.
Instead, the Celtics went on a little run of their own. Most importantly tonight they played like a TEAM!!! They were cutting and passing and showing heart! It was sick. Not too much standing around while Tatum dribbles for 12 seconds which is always appreciated. I love what Jaylen had to say post-game. Keep going to the hoop.
The Celts had 27 assists on 41 made FGs. Jaylen, Jayson, Kemba and Marcus all scored at least 20 points. Gordo finally returned after injuring his ankle way back in Game 1 of the first round and was solid AF.
Grant Williams has turned into the Celtics splash brother in limited minutes and I still fucking hate Duncan Robinson. (lol @ this tweet getting 15 likes; twitter makes zero sense)
IMO the best sequence of the night was when Jaylen threw a touchdown to Jayson and then Jayson returned the favor.
But what matters is the Celtics played a full 48 minutes (even though they did the best they could really make us sweat it out late). We can laugh about Marcus shooting with like 15 seconds left on the shot clock in the final minute now, but at the moment it was not funny whatsoever with how careless the C's played in G1 & G2. I guess whatever these gentlemen told each other in the locker-room after Game 2 worked. It's now after midnight. I need to be well rested to steal lessons from the internet for class Monday before a full day of football. Of course my inner pessimist is still pissed about the blown opportunities in Games 1 and 2, but you can't do anything about the blown games now. They'll make a great eight minute segment on the championship DVD. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"- Kelly Clarkson.
C's are gonna just have to find a way to win at home. We know they're the road warriors these playoffs. Besides, going down 2-0 may have been a good strategy based on recent history.
P.S. Game 4 being Wednesday is HUGGEEE for the C's. Let Gordo heal up. WE HAVE OURSELVES A SERIES. Time for Ted Lasso. Goodnight.
Are the Celtics Disgusting, Inexcusable Collapses Simply Boston Sports Reaching Equilibrium?9/18/2020 
I've been trying to figure out how to open this blog for a solid 20 minutes. Ya boi is just a mess rn, but the blogs must go on! (#HireDozo) At least the C's lack of heart has distracted my brain from constantly thinking about how the Red Sox willingly traded away Mookie Betts. Oh, fuck...
There's simply too much to unwrap and I am too goT damn tired after my first week teaching to pour my heart and soul into dissecting how and why the Celtics are down 0-2 despite holding a 14 point FOURTH QUARTER lead in Game 1 and a 17 point lead in Game 2. I'm a pseudo-analytics guy when it comes to basketball, but I can confidently tell you this is not good.
I am feeling so many emotions that need to get out, but I also feel pressure (from myself) for every blog to be quality. DOL isn't some rib-meat and gizzards bashed into a chicken nugget. I strive for grade A quality white meat posts. Every stroke of my keyboard could be a one that gets me noticed. It totally doesn't exacerbate my anxiety at all!
But, like sorry bro/girl-bro, I am BIG SAD that the Celtics blew yet another substantial lead. I burned five minutes of every class today bitching about it to 7th graders on zoom. I had to talk to somebody! It'd be a completely different story if the C's were down 0-2 and just getting manhandled from the opening tip; like in 2017. Not so deep down we all knew they had no chance against the Cavs. They almost lost in the first round to an 8 seed for Jah's sake. That was just a "happy to be there moment" for this franchise that would never admit such. Of course, I'd be lying if I said Avery Bradley's game winner in Cleveland didn't give me a few ounces of false hope.
I'm not someone crying about sports and politics colliding because it ruins "the escape" that sports provide. I'm a good person and care about humanity improving more than the NBA.
That being said; with Covid, America on fire, fascism on the brink, billionaires being a thing, a v fucked up family dynamic, being a high key binge-boi, being born with a sub-par wein, a crumbling social life and working in a petri dish, yeah the Celtics have been an escape for me. I am what you call emotionally invested in this team's success. When you have a legitimate chance at a championship and give not one, but two games away in the Eastern Conference Finals it's fucking devastating.
How does this keep happening? I know the series isn't over until someone wins four games, but I mean are the C's really going to be able to win six games in a second straight series?
We can blame Brad for being the new age parent who never yells (or motivates his team) or the players for being less fundamentally sound than a JCC team; I mean how do you not know how to beat a zone as professionals? 20 fucking turnovers???
You can scream and yell all you want; like the players did post-game.
I am simply posing the question "Are the Celtics disgusting, inexcusable collapses simply Boston sports reaching equilibrium?"
I'm almost positive that I'm using equilibrium correctly. 
Collectively, Boston/New England professional franchises have won 12 championships since 2001; by far the most successful sports city in America this century. All four major teams have at least one championship, but the Celtics and Bruins have each only won one championship during that run. The Celtics have appeared in the NBA Finals only twice since 1987; winning once in 2008 and losing Game 7 in 2010. They're essentially the Kansas City Royals when it comes to championships the last 30 years. Of course that's better than most professional teams, but it's not like the C's have been a dynasty my whole life.
What I (and all other Boston sports fans) have experienced the last 20ish years is countless incredible postseason comebacks. Off the top of my head we have witnessed the 2004 Red Sox 0-3 comeback in the ALCS against the Yankees, Bruins-Leafs Game 7 2013, Super Bowl XLIX and Super Bowl LI. Any one of those moments is more impressive than anything a San Diego, Minnesota or Buffalo sports fan has seen in their lifetime. Sir Issac Newton's third law of physics; which we all know by heart is "every action has its equal and opposite reaction". Are the Celtics two disgusting choke jobs just the universe leveling things out? I mean the Red Sox came back from a 3-0 hole against the Yankees then six years later the Bruins blew a 3-0 series lead of their own. Kind of like a karmic payback if you will? We still really haven't had to pay the sports God's back yet for 28-3. Part of me wants to say you could say the horrible officiating against the Eagles in Super Bowl LII was our karmic tax, but I mean the Pats followed that up by winning another Super Bowl. Like Lieutenant Dan that argument has... 
When I saw this stat (that I know I already attached earlier in the blog) the first thing I thought of was Super Bowl LI.
Again, the series isn't over.
But after dropping that 0-3 Red Sox comeback/3-0 Bruins collapse stat on you isn't it kind of weird to see Boston's other two teams partake in a similar comeback/collapse fashion? Now, of course the 28-3 choke is much more impressive/historically important than blowing a 14 point 4th quarter lead, but when you parlay it with game two; losing two straight playoff games where your win probability was over 94% there is an argument to be made it's worse since it's happening over multiple days. The Falcons collapse was like less than 90 minutes of real time.
Should the Celtics go on to lose this series these two blown games will be all everybody remembers. I can respect that they have a lot on their mind's right now; trust me. But to follow up Game 1 with an even worse collapse...bruh. I'm not saying the Celtics are dead, but I think I can hear "Truth Hurts". Let's hope my stupid theory is wrong and the Celtics make it a series Saturday night (possibly with Gordo?).
|
Archives
September 2022
|
RSS Feed