How crazy is that???? I just blogged yesterday about how the Immaculate Grid may force me to start caring about baseball again, and BAM, we get the first Perfect Game since King Felix in 2012 (in an anomaly of a season that saw THREE perfectos). Talk about reeling the boi back in (even though it's fuck the Yankees, AAF--that's always and forever)!
I started watching in the 9th inning cause I was enjoying The Game Show Show on Hulu, and I mean, come on..why would I be watching Yankees-A's???
I got a notification from the MLB app when he got through seven and eight, respectively, and was like I gotta check this out. I'm a narrative guy through and through, and even though it's the Yankees on the right side of this historical achievement, it's still a great story. Germán had gotten shelled his last two outings, giving up an astounding 15 earned runs (17 total) in just 5.1 innings vs. Seattle and Boston. In the post-game interview, I learned that his uncle recently died, so he was pitching with a heavy heart AND got suspended earlier this season for using sticky stuff (which I don't have a problem with). The dude had a -0.1 WAR going into this start and goes out and spins a perfecto. Talk about your classic redemption story.
***EDITOR'S NOTE*** I didn't know about the DV suspension and now feel really weird about this entire blog. Still a cool feat, but yikes!!
That's what baseball is all about. Anytime you're at the ballpark, there's a chance you'll see history or maybe even something that's never happened before. I really feel like this perfecto is some sort of sign. I mean, I legit just wrote about how I might have to give baseball another chance to improve my Immaculate Grid skills and bam! Not even 24 hours later, we see the first Perfect Game since Obama's FIRST term. It's been a minute, this isn't only the first Perfect Game during DOL's lifetime (since 2016), but it's the first one that's happened since I turned 21. The world has changed in sooo many ways. I fucking hate the Yankees and their soulless, corporate-ass approach to a GAME, but I'm like excited right now writing about this. That was awesome, just sucks it happened vs. the A's. They've already suffered enough, but still have buckets of swag.
In case you're unaware, Perfect Games are among sports' rarest accomplishments. By comparison, there have been over 315 no-hitters in MLB history. Domingo Germán's Perfect Game was the first in 11 seasons.
Germán is only the 24th player to go 27 up, 27 down (Armando Galarraga got hosed) in Major League history. That's not even enough players to fill out a roster. Congratulations to Domingo Germán. Now it's time for ya boi to get back The Game Show Show.
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Song: Another One Bites the Dust (1980) Artist: Queen Album: The Game In yet another blow for Oaktown, the Oakland A's just became the first victims of perfect game since 2012 :( Anybody who considers themselves a loyal DOL reader knows that the Mookie Betts trade not only ended my Red Sox fandom but pretty much ruined the entire sport for me. That horrendous transaction based solely on money put my baseball-loving heart in a blender and watched it spin around into a depressed-ass oblivion. Rendezvous, John Henry, FUCK YOU! From 2003-2019, the Boston Red Sox were, on average likeee the 2.8th most important thing to me about being alive. It's crazy to think about now, but the Red Sox were a massive part of my life and who I was (or thought I was). If you asked me to describe myself, idk how many things I'd say before "Red Sox fan." I kinda replaced that part of me with being "woke," aka giving a fuck about humanity, but I do miss the rituals of being a baseball fan. I loved going to games with people and talking ball. I can't remember crucial details of conversations, but I can hold on to some random ass stats. I still have a lot of that rando knowledge, but my brain's been leaking baseball data since 2020. I used to be able to say any World Series matchup, result and MVP from 1960-now if you gave me a year. That fastball ain't where it used to be. 1974? Well, that was A's over Dodgers in 6, of course. (I didn't look that up until now, and it was in 5...fuck I'm slippin!!!). I must make up for that...1987? That's easy; Twins over Cardinals in 7. MVP: Frank Viola. The home team won every game. The Twins went 8-0 at home and 0-6 on the road in their two World Series wins. In '91, they beat the Braves. I still got it. Yes, I'm writing this blog high at 2:25. #DozoSThompson. Oh and '91 WS MVP: Jack Morris. #DozVsTheDozen is on a hiatus until I get a new phone, but I'd routinely flex my MLB knowledge like 1998 Mark McGwire (except I'm all natural, baby) there as well. I'm such a fucking history guy. I really live in the past. All my baseball knowledge is before Covid. I mean, I know who won and lost the World Series, but awards, stats...no clue. That blind spot in my baseball knowledge makes one of my new favorite games much more challenging than needed! Between wanting to share my perfect 9/9 score on the internet and having a free MLB.tv sub, thanks to T-Mobile, I might have to try to pay attention to baseball again. It's just so hard because baseball is the most regionalized pro sport, IMO. With the volume of games, it's tough to keep up with much outside of your team (although I did for years), and I can't watch the Red Sox on MLB.tv (which is idiotic). I'm not even sure I'd want to if I could; I'm still so fucking angry with ownership and how they destroyed a team that won 108 games so quickly, but I'm getting off track and want this to stay a happy high. You're probably wondering what the fuck I'm talking about at this point since I haven't mentioned this game yet (outside of the blog title). I'm gonna run this blog through Grammarly like I do with everything I write, but I'm gonna keep this roundabout, fucked up order to both symbolize how I wrote this blog and to stay true to my Dozie roots. Immaculate Grid is a game designed for baseball nerds. I saw examples on Twitter, but didn't really get it until last week when my buddy asked me if I've heard of them and explained. Now they're one of my favorite parts of the day. I just wish there was more than one per day (and that there were versions for other sports...tbh, there could be...I haven't even looked yet, but I have brought hoping there's an NFL one to at least 3 people I talked to about this new superior IG). The Immaculate Grid is a 3x3 grid where the X and Y axes are labeled with a combo of MLB team logos, awards, and statistical achievements. You have to name a player that hits all criteria for each spot in the grid and can only use a player once per daily grid. With only nine guesses, you must be perfect to get an immaculate grid. As a hashtag good guy, when I tweet out my grid results, I put up a content warning to not spoil the grid or help someone cheat. That's why this tweet is a screenshot instead of embedded since you can't embed those.  These are the official rules with a sneak peak of one side of today's grid. The rules pop up automatically, so I haven't seen the full top row yet. I still haven't started because I normally do them on my phone and my brain isn't a full capability rn since it's 3:37 am (even tho I'm blogging like a beast). Bonus points for anybody who can identify all my bookmarked websites!  So far, I've only fucked up once. I LOVE how there's data that shows how commonly your answer was selected. Obvi, the lower, the better. Even though they're not scored that way, it makes you feel better if you get off on being a niche fuck like I do. I dropped a "Rudy Seanez" on my first grid and legit might've been the only person who used him.  There's a more egregious omission later, but having no pic for Youk is disrespectful AF. That man once held the AL-record for most putouts with an error at 1B! In grid spots like the 40+ HR season and World Series champ, the player had to hit 40+ the season he won the World Series. If you only hit 40 HR seasons in non-WS champ seasons, it wouldn't count. I'll never forget that Luis Gonzalez had 57 HR in 2001 and hit a walk-off infield fly to beat the Yankees in Game 7!!!! Previous DOL Immaculate Grids (and one 8/9):  Legend has it Don Drysdale kept a tape of the speech RFK gave right before his death where he shouted out his shoutout streak with him for the rest of his life. The new RFK fucking sucks and so do you if you fw him.  I knew Shelby Miller fit the empty space, but I got the Rockies 30/30 one wrong with Tulo and tried again.  It's so fucking gross that Youk fits there,   It's INSANE there's no pic for the Say Hey KiD!!!!! My tweet that I couldn't embed says it all. This game is PERFECT for someone like me who doesn't watch much baseball anymore but still has an encyclopedic knowledge of random baseball stuff. Also, my lack of nouveau ball is fucking me. Example: I mean, I still got it right with John Kruk, but for the Padres x Phillies spot, Craig Krimbel was the most common answer...oh yeah..that's another stat they show. You can also see what percentage of people responded correctly for each spot.  If this game seems like something you'd enjoy, check it out at immaculategrid.com. I'm not getting paid to write this blog, but I gladly will if anybody's offering!! P.S.
I am sooo down to talk grids and responses with anybody that's into that. Song: Alone (2023) Artist: Kim Petras & Nicki Minaj Album: Feed The Beast I hate to start another SOD with an apology, but I'm sorry for the recent inactivity. I'm not gonna turn this into a blog about my back, but just know it's been stopping me from being a real human being (worse than usual) the last weekish. What matters is I'm back. Ya boi is burning the 1:43 am oil and getting a head start on the blogging day. I will (hopefully) get something out today, tomorrow, and Friday since I'm only about to get busier as peak ubah season starts. I need to create. I miss it. In my time away, I read a bunch of random DOL '23 blogs and was blown away at how fucking great they were and how much of a shame it is that I don't work for Barstool Sports. Hopefully, I'll stop being such a pussy and put some sort of #HireDozo project together. I can't drive ubah forever (although I do love it). As for the SOD, we've got three more days of Pride tunes left. I saw on my Apple Music that Kim Petras dropped a new album; I added it to my library but have yet to listen. I just typed her name into Youtube and went with her latest video, assuming it was the lead single. I've only heard it twice so far but fw it heavy. Kim's been a not-so-guilty pleasure of mine for a minute. Everybody knows Dozo loves the Ts, and Nicki is a motha fuckin icon. I don't listen to her much anymore, but she holds a special place in my heart as the soundtrack of many fond memories. P.S.
Holy Bose product placement from 0:28-0:35! How about more clarinet licking and less headphone zoom shots!! The Celtics Traded Marcus Smart and I am Sad (even though it low key *might* be for the best)6/22/2023 
After nine seasons in Boston, the Marcus Smart era is officially over. The 2022 NBA Defensive Player of the Year and three-time First-Team All-NBA defender was part of a three-team deal that sent Kristaps Porziņģis and two first-round picks to the C's.
As DOL readers likely know, I'm battling a herniated disc that may be my undoing. Since this agonizingly painful situation has drastically altered my sleep schedule, I passed out around 7 pm last night, woke up briefly at 9, then zonked until 2 am. I was under the impression that we traded Malcolm Brogdon and missed all that drama. I never expected what was about to come. When I woke up, I checked my phone to see what time it was. It could've been next week for all I knew, but that's when I found out Marcus Smart was gone. In a cruel twist, the Celtics' last tweet before the trade praised Marcus' heart and hustle that made him a fan favorite.
Sureeeee, Marcus tended to take ill-advised shots and make decisions that left you scratching your head, but he also brought so much to the floor that can't be measured in conventional statistics. For every "Wtf was that, Marcus?!" moments, 36 made like three "No, no, no, YES! How'd he do that?" plays (although that ratio wasn't set in stone). It's such a cliche, but his value was much greater than what you see in the box score.
As much as I'm a Marcus Smart guy (and don't get me wrong, there's plenty of times he pissed me off), he's not a superstar and was moderately expendable, given the Celtics' guard depth. Some even believe that his play declined this year. While I'm still hurting, this tweet kinda hits the nail on the head.
There's no denying that this is a solid return for Marcus Smart, but I'm just concerned about the impact this move has on the C's as a whole. Part of me thinks that maybe this was necessary to get more out of the Jays. Marcus Smart has been the heart and soul of the Boston Celtics for nearly a decade, which might be precisely why he's gone. Maybe the C's figured for the Jays to take the next step in their maturation process, they need to be the emotional and spiritual leaders. Getting rid of Marcus could force Jayson and Jaylen to grow into that role. At least now, Marcus won't take the final shot instead of them.
This trade reminds me of a story I've heard a thousand times in one of my favorite episodes of America's Game. In the 1968 Jets episode, defensive end and Rhode Islander Gerry Philbin talked about how Joe Namath had all the talent but wasn't emotionally ready to be the leader the Jets needed him to be. All he had around him were yes men, and his image hurt the team. So the Jets elected him team captain, forcing him to grow up and be more responsible. It worked. and the Jets went onto to win Super Bowl III in arguably the greatest upset in American professional sports history. I know it's a different sport and over 55 years ago, but the crux of that little story about a green team is giving me a little bit of hope with the much more historically relevant and important green team. 
As for Porziņģis, if you look at his numbers, they don't suck. He was solid on a terrible Wizards team laast year. Admittedly, I don't watch many non-Celtics regular season NBA games, so apart from his time in New York, I haven't seen a ton of this guy, but I know he's missed a lot of time and isn't a great defender. Is ANOTHER injury prone big really what the Celtics needed???
I love his height. The C's need more size and added depth in the front court, but it just sucks they had to lose Marcus to make that happen. I know "sports are a business" and you gotta make tough decisions. The 2004 Red Sox traded Nomar, but it paid off in a World Series title. Hopefully this trade is the Celtics Nomar moment. From the looks of things, it doesn't feel like this is the Celtics final move. I wouldn't hate to see Dame Lillard in Celtics green! We don't need all these picks, we need players who are ready to win. Show us what else you've got in store, Brad!
P.S.
I wonder if this trade means the C's are open to keeping Pritchard? I'm not ready to give up on that feisty little fucker just yet. Double P.S. I've got a chiro appointment at noon and am exhausted from my fucked up sleep pattern, so I'm gonna try to get a little nap before I do that. Despite a low blog output so far this week, I'm proud of what I've written. Fuck man, I'm so bummed Marcus is gone. It's gonna be fucking WEIRD without him. Triple P.S. I wholeheartedly agree with Greenie here:
Quad P.S. (quite rare)
Siiiiiiiick.
Song: Thinkin Bout You (2012) Artist: Frank Ocean Album: Channel ORANGE It's a sad day. The Marcus Smart era is over in Boston. I'll miss you 3-6. 
I've spent more time than I'd care to admit typing and deleting opening lines for this blog because I'm a little more in my head than usual. Relax, Dozo... do what DOL is all about and speak from the heart. Tbh, I'm not in a super great place right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stuck in a tin can without food or water on the bottom of the ocean like these rich dicks, but it's still pretty bad. This herniated disc is fucking my shit up so badly; I bet it's a registered Republican.
I hate that I haven't written much lately, but I've been out of commission. I'm not me rn. The last threeish days have been jam-packed with F- quality sleep while trying to find the perfect position that doesn't feel like I've got an icepick stabbing my back with little luck and a modest 10-game winning streak in Madden. Not to S my own D, but despite all the pain, I still made it to the gym the past two days because riding the bike helps (once I can get loose enough to put on my socks and shoes without crying), and I'm determined to get my life back. Today's the official start of summer, and if Whore Summer is gonna live up to the hype, I gotta shed some more of this Covid-150. For the sake of time and my sanity, I will outsource a brief recap of this Mad Lib of a story because time is of the essence when your air supply is running low. We all know what's going on; if you don't, this clip will help!
As someone who'd sleep for like 90 minutes, wake up and scream for 20 minutes, fall back asleep for 8 minutes, rinse and repeat with various numbers over the past few days, every time I checked my phone, I'd learn more about the insanity that is this OceanGate story.
How about that fucking name: OceanGATE. I'm sure this has been beaten into the ground, but that's the first of like 398,000 red flags. When has the suffix -gate ever been a good thing?
Even though I have zero sympathies for these people (they're not victims of some unforeseen tragedy, this disaster is an act of Darwinism in full display), as a hashtag good guy, I'm not actively rooting for them to die. We've all done stupid things to either impress others and/or attempt to fill a void in our meaningless lives. So even though I'd never in a million years get into a remote-controlled iron lung to look at the remains of a ship that sank before women could vote, I've done things I regret to press others and/or attempt to fill a void in our meaningless lives that could've cost my life. Should these people somehow survive this act of pure stupidity, I'm sure they'll realize how fucking stupid this decision was and maybe change the whole "safety is a waste" attitude.
Despite the seriousness of this grave situation, I can't help but laugh at the irony of billionaires (potentially) dying due to poor planning and hubris while attempting to check out the remains of an "unsinkable" ship that went down for those same reasons.
Also, the wealthiest passenger on the Titanic died, and these rich dicks are likely next. At least John Jacob Astor IV died being "a man" and respecting the sexist-ass "women and children" protocol. These future fish sticks CHOSE to go to the bottom of the ocean in a metal porter potty controlled by a 2002 Gamecube controller to flex on other rich people. Let's end this blog with some semi-rapid fire takes about this entire situation.
I'm sorry but I only have so much hashtag good guy energy. I'm more concerned with stopping fascism and corporate greed. I don't have the bandwidth to worry about these people. Again, I'm not actively rooting for them to die, but I will shed no tears when that news finally comes out. How is this not an SNL skit?
P.S.
If you get this meme, congrats!!! You're chronically online! 
Song: Tearin' Up My Heart (1997) Artist: *NSYNC Album: *NSYNC Sorry for how inactive DOL's been this month. I was stuck in a tin can at the bottom of the ocean, and ya boi's back is the worst it's ever been; I'm basically already dead from the lack of sleep due to agonizing pain!!! (love this song, though!!) Similar to how the Talking Heads count as a female act in the chronically underrepresented Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thanks to Tina Weymouth, this counts for pride month because of Lance Bass. 
I've never been to Oakland, California, but I know that region is full of some of the most passionate sports fans in the country. Oakland has a rich history of success. The A's have won four World Series in Oakland. The Raiders Black Hole was one of the most iconic stadium sections in the big four. The Oracle had one of the best home-court advantages in the NBA (except for the 2016 & 2019 Finals).
Unfortunately, Oakland lost the Golden State Warriors and now Las Vegas Raiders to San Francisco and Vegas, respectively, in 2019 and 2020. It appears the A's are next. 
With Nevada approving public funding for a new A's stadium (Billionaires should pay for their own fucking stadiums) and their lease in Oakland expiring after the 2024 season, the A's move to Vegas feels all but inevitable. What Oakland-area fans have gone through these last few years is so fucked up and could happen to almost any market in this country.
It's still up to the rest of the MLB owners to formally approve the A's move. Hopefully, this display of passion from the A's faithful helps, but I'm not counting on billionaires to do the right thing. IMO, the vast majority of the time, when a team relocates, it's a bad thing. Like, I don't feel bad for Atlanta losing the Thrashers; Atlanta isn't a hockey town, but I still hate that the Chargers aren't in San Diego. I feel for the St. Louis fans, but they stole the Rams in the first place. I'm cool with them being back in LA, but the Chargers not being in San Diego is WRONG. Don't even get me started on the SuperSonics :( If you haven't been paying attention to baseball this year (who could blame you?), Oakland A's owner and certified piece of shit, John Fisher, has gone full Rachel Phelps from Major League (minus being hot).
A team that won 97 games in 2018 and 2019, and the Al West title in 2020, has been stripped down for parts the last few seasons, like all competitive A's teams of the last 25 years. The A's LOVE a good old-fashioned fire sale. Think of all the studs the A's developed and lost because ownership didn't pay.
Despite a recent 7-game win streak, the A's are just 19-51 through 70 games. That's why fans stopped showing up to the Coliseum, not because Oakland fell out of love with the A's.
Here's the message A's fans saw before the reverse boycott.
Between an all but confirmed moves, a terrible on-field product, and a stadium that's been falling apart for decades, it's understandable why games in Oakland look like they're still socially distanced, but it wasn't like that on Tuesday.
On Tuesday, June 13th, over 27,000 Oakland A's fans went to the dilapidated Oakland Coliseum to watch their club play the Tampa Bay Rays. If you're someone who doesn't pay attention to baseball (anymore because your greedy scumbag owner ruined the game for you), that might not seem like a huge deal, but it's a massive one and one that I hope actually makes a difference.
Baseball may be doing well right now, but it's the walls are slowly crumbling. The fact that I don't care about a league that used to matter to me more than pretty everything is fucking bananas. I still can't believe it sometimes. The average fan is only getting older.
The sad and ugly truth about this potential relocation is money. Oakland's been on hard times. This situation is the horrors of capitalism on full display. It doesn't matter if Oakland has loved the A's for over 50 years, if John Fisher can get another city to foot the bill for a stadium, he's going to. The fans were out in full display with plenty of creative signs, but to lead off, I wanna highlight a simple one. 
— KNBR (@KNBR) June 14, 2023
That fan's sign references the speech Rebecca Welton (Hannah Waddingham) gave during the Okufo Super League meeting in the 10th episode of Ted Lasso's most recent (and hopefully not final, but it sure looks that way) season.
I still haven't written my finale recap blog because it'll feel genuinely over once I do, and I'm not ready for that yet. I usually watch every episode like 3-5 times, but I've only watched the finale once...right when it premiered, and I haven't gotten myself to rewatch yet..but that blog is coming eventually lol.
Rebecca says it perfectly in the Ted Lasso clip, "Just because we own these teams, doesn't mean they belong to us."
I know "sports are a business," but jeez man, have a heart. How much money do you fucking need? It's basically a person saying my pockets are more important than the hearts of millions. It's disgusting, and why I proudly hate the concept of capitalism. Of course, I have to participate in it to stay alive in this country, and I have no issue with people getting rich off their achievements, but one person shouldn't be able to negatively impact so many others for their own gain. It's not like owning a hotel or airline. People love their teams. They help tie families together. Some of my happiest memories are based around sports. Even though I'm in a serious beef with the Boston Red Sox, if they ever moved, it'd be devastating. I feel for these Oakland fans. They're on the brink of losing three teams in five years. Sure, the Warriors are still close in San Francisco, but Vegas is about to steal the two teams people associate with Oakland. It's so fucked up.
Unfortunately, all good things most come to end, and this is what the A's crowd looked like Wednesday night.
But they'll always have Tuesday night. The A's won 2-1. Here's some highlights from the crowd:
Oakland native and Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong supports the movement!!!
Song: Man on the Moon (1992) Artist: R.E.M. with Eddie Vedder Album: Automatic for the People I don't actually observe it (because I'm not 7), but today is my half-birthday. I spent it half-sleeping to episodes of "How It's Made," and am finally ready to create. You can only lay in bed hoping your back pain miraculously disappears for so long before you write a few blogs! As for today's tune, I love R.E.M. and think it's fucking stupid that they no longer tour. I love this live performance, even though the first few seconds are cut off. |
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