Super Bowl Sunday is easily one of my top 5 favorite days of the year. Depending on the teams involved and how the game plays out it can be even higher. With the Patriots involved this year the outcome for me is pretty simple: it's going to be either the best or worst day of my year. There is no in-between.
Whether you're a diehard football fan or don't know what a first down is, you're probably going watch the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl is more than just football, it's one of the biggest party days of the year. I don't mean the fun party where you're shoved in the basement of a rental house like cattle drinking burnettes. I mean the type of party where there definitely is booze but food and football are the two main things bringing people together. Millions of people across the world gather together in groups to watch the big game and feast. The Super Bowl is a can't miss pop culture event. Between the game, the halftime show, and the commercials you don't want to be the person at work or school the next day who didn't see what happened. Everybody watches. I don't trust people who don't. Not watching the Super Bowl is such a try hard move, I feel like the only reason to not watch is just so you can say you didn't watch. Whatever hipsters.
The great thing about a Super Bowl party is that if you don't care about the game there's probably a bunch of great gameday food at the party for you to enjoy. You can spend your time mingling with some great snacks while everybody else is enjoying the big game.
Now it's 2017, you can have whatever you want at your Super Bowl party. I'm not gonna tell you how to live. We are in America after all. But if you ARE having a gathering and don't have some of the staples of Super Bowl food people are going to be get pissed. You wouldn't have a 4th of July Cookout without hot dogs.
If you want to be healthy on the biggest pig out day of the year go for it, but for the rest of the people around there are some staples of Super Bowl Sunday that have to be there. Nobody wants your vegan springrolls in the 3rd quarter of the big game. These are the most important dishes you can have at your party. They might not be the best but it's a good baseline of what to include for the big game. Again feel free to have whatever else you want, but these (IMO) are what the people want the most. This is the foundation to build your Super Bowl Party food house around.
Chips and Guac
Showing my range from the start yet again. Bravo to me.
TBH I don't even like guacamole. It reminds me of baby shit. I just can't stomach it.
Unlike most foods I don't like I have actually tried guac. I think it's gross. It's not for me. I can't do it. But I'm a man of the people. Just because I don't like it, doesn't mean that people don't go crazy for it. Over 8 million pounds of guac were consumed last year on Super Bowl Sunday.
Guacamole went from relative unknown to one of the most popular dishes in this country seemingly overnight. I do remember a time in life where guacamole wasn't one of the most popular treats in the game. Comedians like Daniel Tosh and Gary Gulman have ranted about the rise of guacamole. But the days of it being relatively unknown are long gone. I was about to say dips but I don't even know if that's what it is? Is it a spread? Is it technically a condiment? Whatever it is considered people lose their shit for guacamole and seemingly cannot get enough. If you don't have any chips and guac at your Super Bowl party I guarantee you someone will complain. When the day comes where I am a full grown adult (have my own place and can host events) I will make sure there is guac for the people even though I find it repulsive. Just the kind of guy I am.
Gotta have some guac at your Super Bowl party.
Cheese, Crackers and Meats Platter
These platters are the forgotten staple of Super Bowl Party foods. Nobody dreams about a muenster brick of cheese with a pepperoni a top a wheat thin. But guess what, people eat it and they're always there. Nobody ever dreams about being a janitor either, but it's a very important job that society needs.
You may not realize it but these platters are vital to the party. They're boring and get overlooked but they still stand the test of time. People still buy them. What else would people needlessly snack on before the other stuff is done cooking? If you are at a party where there are dads over 40, believe me you're gonna need some of this.
They say pizza is like sex where even it's bad it's still pretty good.
You definitely don't want pizza to be like the main staple of your Super Bowl party. Pizza while great isn't special in the sense that people have it all the time. It's one of the most popular foods in the country. The Super Bowl is sort of reserved for snacks and treats that aren't every day, just like the Super Bowl.
But at the same time nobody is ever going to complain if someone shows up with a few pies for the group. You could bring a pizza to Thanksgiving and it would still get eaten. Pizza is love. It goes great with football and friendship. Gotta have some sort of pizza dish at your party.
I was trying to find a picture on google for like 5 minutes. I guess technically they're referred to as Stromboli's. I was thinking more along the lines of "party calzone loaves" and couldn't get exactly what I was looking for.
Regardless, at nearly every football party I've ever been to there has been these things. There's usually a ham and cheese, pepperoni and cheese, sometimes a chicken parm. I'm cool with any and all of them. Definitely a mom move to make one of these and I mean that in a good way. Maybe the only 20 sometime parties won't have these. But they should. Older people know whats good with these. Whatever you want to call them, if they're at your Super Bowl party they will get eaten.
Wings and football go way back like car seats. A true must have at any Super Bowl Party. There's a million different varieties and flavors. With all the possibilities it very hard to screw up. You get some buffalo and BBQ wings at the party and things will go just fine. Over a billion chicken wings are eaten every Super Sunday. You can't go wrong with wings and football.
Buffalo Chicken Dip
Buffalo Chicken Dip is simply the best football treat in the game right now. A Super Bowl party without Buffalo Chicken Dip might as well be a Super Bowl Party without a TV.
The beautiful thing about buffalo chicken dip is it's versatility. You can have it really cheesy. You could be a savage and make it cheese-less. You can do with blu cheese based. You can go ranch based. You can use wicked spicy buffalo sauce, or make it mild and soft. The possibilities are endless and all delicious. Thinking about having Buffalo Chicken Dip Sunday gets me so excited that I feel like I should make some this week just to practice and get the recipe down.
If I could only have one food at a football party I'm picking Buffalo Chicken Dip 100 out of 100 times.
Quick story time to end the blog. 5 years ago for Super Bowl XLVI (Pats Giants II) I made a buffalo chicken dip for a party at my friends house. Huge party, almost all Patriot fans. When they lost I was not happy. After the final Hail Mary attempt by the Pats fell to the ground I stood up, grabbed the rest of my dip, left without saying goodbye to anymore, screamed fuck at the top of my lungs like the kid in Little Miss Sunshine, drove home and cried.
So even though Buffalo Chicken Dip has some bad memories for me it is still the best dish you can have at a Super Bowl party. Win or lose it's fucking delicious.
So that's my list of must have important Super Bowl party foods. What do you think? Did I leave anything good off my list? Disagree with anything? Make sure to praise or talk shit in the comments below.
Again do whatever you want, if you take a look at me you may be like "yeahhhh that's the last guy I want to take food advice from" but at the same time you may be like "that's exactly who I want to take it from". Regardless of what you do Super Sunday as long as the Pats win I don't care what the spread of food is.
Last night Mr. Kraft said what all Patriot fans believe, that the rest of the league hates them and is out to get them for their long reign of success and that deflate-gate was a witch hunt to try to take down the Patriots and Tom Brady. He thinks it has to due with jealousy and envy. I think he's right. Other owners hate the Patriots because they've been losing to them for over 15 years. Even if Tom Brady did what was accused in deflategate it's not cheating to the extent that the media made it seem like two years ago. If another team did it it would've been maybe a $20,000 fine and nothing more. But they took he chance to make it seem like the Patriots committing the most heinous crime possible. I don't need to go any further than that. People with brains know the truth.
I just think it's absolutely hilarious to hear a 75 year old jew talk about jealousy in the same way some 15 year old girl in high school would.
Belichick, Brady and the boys may be keeping their mouth shut about revenge vs the NFL but in the end of that clip I think I heard Mr. Kraft say "turning it into revenge" but it's hard to tell as he's already get more difficult to understand speak by the day and was trailing off like Tommy Boy giving Richard the number he called from. Think I caught a 9er in there at the end too by Mr. Kraft tbh.
To my future boss @StoolPresidente this quote and Bob's likeness need to be on a shirt yesterday.
With last night being media night for Super Bowl LI it's crazy to think just two short years ago Marshawn Lynch was famously at the same event for Super Bowl XLIX just so he wouldn't get fined. If you take away the whole deflate-gate thing that was totally the top story going into the game; Marshawn and his relationship with the media. He didn't want anything to do with the media and never really let his personality show.
Now Marshawn is retired (which I still can't believe, I think he's gonna come back) and showing how funny he can be in this trip he took to Houston (Scotland) to promote Skittles and the Super Bowl.
It's not a Skittles bike....it's a Skittles bag connected to my bike. Charisma through the roof.
When I was watching that all I could think was I needed more. Give Beast Mode his own show right now. Just follow Marshawn across the globe and see what happens. I mean it makes all the sense in the world. He's right there, and you know how good he is. This video is already top 10 trending on Youtube. Just give him a show. I mean with all the garbage that's on tv right now I think if you gave Beast Mode a show right now it'd touch down with fans almost immediately. Hopefully a network doesn't pass on this opportunity because the likelihood of it succeeding seems extremely high. For Marshawn's sake I hope some hot shot show runner doesn't pass on the opportunity because the results could be catastrophic.
Album: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix (2009)
We all know how I feel about the Patriots. But can I be honest for a second?
I hate the "One More" rallying cry. Compared to "Do Your Job" from the 2014 run it's trash. I get what they're trying to do I just don't really like it. They're trying way too hard to make it happen. I feel like someone needs to Regina George them and just tell them to stop trying to make "One More" happen. It's not going to happen. I just think it's corny and honestly just not good. I don't really know how else to say it, I just straight up think it sucks and wish they came up with something better, but anyways that's not really the point. This is:
Today the Patriots held a Send-Off Rally for fans before they leave for Houston. Low key kinda mad I didn't know about this because I totally would've gone. That's the beauty of not having a real job, my schedule is verrrrrry flexible.
The Pats had the usual cast of characters say a few words. Kraft, Belichick, Brady along with a few other current players but it was former All-Pro Cornerback Ty Law who stole the show. I don't know if he's just nervous because the Hall of Fame class is going to be announced this weekend and he's stressing about getting into Canton, but at the rally Ty did something extremely un-Patriot like.
He guaranteed victory.
I was shocked Belichick didn't have a sniper ready to take him out right before he said it because we all know that's not what the Patriots do. Bill preaches "ignore the noise" Even at a rally before the Super Bowl I feel like Belichick told all the current guys on the team not to say anything like that to stir up some fake controversy before the game. We know Bill doesn't give a fuck he's cut guys the night before the Super Bowl. I guess ignoring the noise does not apply for former players.
I get it from Ty's standpoint. He's trying to fire up the crowd and everything, but like yooooo Ty it's 2017 bro. You aren't on the Pats anymore. Kind of a scummy move to guarantee a team that you no longer play on and can impact will win. You're basically like the little brother talking shit and just hoping your big brother will clean up the mess you made and kick the other guys ass for you. Maybe he forgot he's not on the team anymore? I mean you throw him up their in Pats gear, at a Super Bowl rally, going to Houston. He probably brings up memories from this time in 2004. I'm guessing like all ex NFL players that Ty probably has brain issues so that could be a very valid excuse. Maybe Ty thinks the Pats will sign him to help lock up Julio Jones?
I don't know, but either way we have our official first guaranteed victory of Super Bowl week. I know people will bust fans balls for saying "we" when talking about teams but it's usually like "we need another pass rusher" or "I hope we kick their ass". Not "we got bring back one more, I guarantee you that". Luckily for the Patriots I don't think WE have to worry about any current players making the same claim as Ty.
Song: Wish I Knew You
Artist: The Revivalists
Album: The Revivalists
I love game shows.
When I was a kid it was my dream to be a game show host. As life progressed I realized that probably wasn't going to happen. Not a lot of companies are dying to hire fat guys with shitty teeth and crippling anxiety as game show hosts.
So I had to settle with watching.
That's fine. I love watching. It can be hard to watch every night with work and life in general but when I have the chance I love the Wheel of Fortune/Jeopardy block on CBS. Just reminds me of being a kid at my grandparents house. Yes I know I could just DVR. I'm not gonna DVR Wheel and Jeopardy it's just not the same.
After years of watching there's always been something that drives me crazy.
I know you're probably thinking, Doz are you stupid? You have to buy vowels, how else are you going to solve the puzzle? Well let me explain to you why unless you absolutely have to, buying vowels is a total sucker move. You're just giving that money you earned directed back to CBS. I should've came out with my take a long time ago. But sometimes I get scared to share my takes. Mainly from just being a human and be worried I'll be ridiculed. It can be tough to be a trailblazer.
As someone who has been called "Dozah Parks" in the past, I can relate. No matter how big or how small your issue may be, you shouldn't afraid to stand up for what you believe in. Whether it be equal rights for all humans or game show strategies, we all shouldn't be scared to say whats on our mind.
After some confirmation from a future colleague of mine (s/o Nate) last night I am no longer afraid to say it.
Knowing I have Nate on my side for this one makes me feel a lot better with my stance: Why do people buy vowels?
I get so mad when people buy vowels on Wheel of Fortune. It makes me insane. Don't these people know the rules? Wheel isn't like Jeopardy where 2nd or 3rd place just get a standard $2000 or $1000 even if you come in second with like $14,000. On Wheel you leave with what you win. You come in 3rd on wheel with $12K in prizes, you get it. The odds of that are slim but you get my point. You can not win and still leave win some legit cash and prizes.
Obviously you want to play to win but you also need to be smart. If you're getting your ass kicked and waste money on vowels you're just helping your competition. You'll see someone get 6 T's on their first spin, then get a big head and buy out the vowels, guess another consonant, be wrong and lose their turn. Now your opponent has a board full of vowels. Now they have all the advantage. Plus Wasting $250 per vowel adds up. Before you know it you've blown like 1500 bucks on vowels that you could've take home with you. It's stupid and irresponsible.
People are so caught up in buying vowels from years of that being common place that they think they just have to do it because it's part of the game. The second they get a little scratch in their pocket, it burns a hole, and the only way to put out the fire is with a bucket of A, E, I, O, U. They can waste thousands over the course of a game on vowels that another contestant is dying to buy.
It's like when coaches punt on 4th and 1 inside their opponents territory. The odds are in your favor, but you're giving up. Just because it's been common place for decades doesn't mean it's smart. You should go for it. Even if you fail it's the right move. Same with vowels. Let the old lady next you with her prehistoric views waste thousands on vowels. Save your cash. You're gonna need it in a close game when you're fighting for your chance to spin the final wheel. I feel like Jonah Hill in Moneyball trying to explain his analytics to a bunch of old scouts stuck in their ways, but this really makes sense. Getting on base is valuable. So is not burning cash on vowels that someone else is going to buy.
Obviously there are times when it's crucial. You wouldn't go for it 4th and 1 on your own 15 yard line. Yeah sometimes you gotta punt. If you have control of the board and aren't sure if a word needs an A or an E and that's the difference between you solving the puzzle or not go crazy and buy that vowel. But time after time you'll see some idiot get a little bit of cash and then just buy vowels on back to back moves. What are you even doing on Wheel of Fortune? If you have to buy vowels from the jump you probably aren't good enough to even be on the show in the first place.
Don't even get me started on the idiots who will buy vowels on the speed-up round. Sometimes Pat lands on the big money spots and consonants can be worth like over $2000 each. Use your spin on adding some cash to your total.
Today the Red Sox announced they will retire David Ortiz' #34 in a pregame ceremony on June 23rd against the Angels. It's a move that seemed imminent. It's David Ortiz. Obviously the Red Sox aren't going to let some bum ass middle reliever they call up from Pawtucket in July have it. Every Red Sox fan knew this move was coming. My main question is just why now?
Maybe the Red Sox know it's a slow internet day? It's been a bitch finding stuff worth writing about and maybe they're trying to throw your boy a bone?
Regardless it's a move well deserved. No words I can type on this blog read by a handful of facebook friends and twitter followers can truly give David Ortiz the credit he deserves for what he did for the Boston Red Sox.
But despite all that, I actually don't like this move.
I love Papi. He's been a part of the Red Sox since I was in 5th grade. I think David Ortiz is a future Hall of Famer and should have his number retired by the Red Sox. It's Big Papi. He was the face of the organization for over a decade.
I just think they should let the dust settle a little bit. Wait til he's inducted into the Hall of Fame, or at least until a full season has passed. Despite Big Papi claiming he's not coming back, many Red Sox fans don't/refuse to believe it. Even Pedro Martinez isn't buying it. After hitting .315 with 38 HR and a league leading 127 RBI it's understandable why we want him to return.
But he's not.
As much as I want it to happen, I don't see it happening. Maybe if the retirement tour didn't happen he'd be a lot more open to a return? I just think it's a horrible look to return after having a year long goodbye with two wicked emotional goodbyes at Fenway Park. Not to mention all the gifts, plus he had ESPN following him to make a documentary about his final season. Plus David did have possibly the greatest final season possible from a statistical standpoint and doesn't want
I just think the 2017 Red Sox need to find their own identity. They look to compete for the AL East and beyond this season, but I think it's going to be a tough transition. Not only has Big Papi been a staple in the middle of the lineup, he's also be a leader and mentor to the young core of players on this team. As much as I love him I think the organization needs to take a little time apart from one another.
2017 is going to be remembered as a season of transition and I think the Red Sox need a clean break.
Anybody who's ever gone through a break up knows in the long-run that's what's for the best. No backsliding. Just makes shit messy. I don't want the Red Sox and David Ortiz getting drunk asking the other one if they're up at 2 am.
We need to move on.
I don't want Papi around in Spring Training helping out, which has been rumored. I especially don't want a big production smack dab in the middle of the season honoring him. Maybe in a way it will be closure. If his number is officially retired then maybe it's what completely closes the door on his Red Sox career. But we don't know what's going to happen in their season. If the Red Sox are struggling, or even worse if they're doing very well and are "one bat away" the rumors are gonna circulate. You don't think the Fenway Faithful are gonna start a "one more year" chant or something like that? You're crazy. If they're pitching great but are four games back with a struggling line up the articles and blogs from Red Sox writers and fans are going to clog the internet.
I love Big Papi and as much as I want him back I don't want the narrative of will he or won't he dominating the entire season. Having a huge ceremony for him at Fenway in the middle of June will be a big deal in local sport media that week.
While the odds of that playing out in real life are slim, it still is possible and I wish the Red Sox would see this. Wait a full season. The one guaranteed sell out crowd is not worth the potential distraction this could create. Cause if David doesn't play in 2017 he's obviously not playing in 2018, until this season is over. I really think there's going to be a lot of rumors and distractions about whether or not Papi will comeback. I love this organization but David Ortiz can get his number retired at any time. I just think the Red Sox need to wait a full year.
Song: Gold Guns Girls
Album: Fantasies (2009)