The 2022 NFL regular season is officially 2/3 complete. It's crazy, I know. December starts in less than four hours on the east coast. The 2020s are basically 30% over, and all I've got to show for it is an extra hundo+ in the scale and a semi-viral TikTok that got removed for a violation of bullying rules even though I was shitting on a fascist Qunt.
Anyways, I love football! The NFL is one of my favorite parts of being alive (even though I've fallen asleep during the witching hour like four times this season). Despite my New England Patriots currently standing on the outside looking in at the playoffs, there's plenty to be excited about (plus, they're still very much alive...for a few more weeks).
ICYMI: Biggest Surprises and Disappointments of the 2022 NFL Season So Far
If the season ended today, which we all know it does not as this is the 2/3 of the season recap blog, the playoffs would look like this:
These teams are technically still alive, but IMO, the Pats and Chargers are the only AFC teams with a chance to crack the AFC's top seven. The Seahawks and Falcons are the only ones with a chance in the NFC, but with the NFC Beast eating itself alive in head-to-head matchups, I think the Seahawks could squeak in (although that Raiders game was a hashtag BAD home loss and they already have a head-to-head L vs. NYG).
Here are some of my thoughts going into the final third of the season. I haven't blogged as much as I would like on the account of less than ideal mental health and I'm sorry, but let's make up for it now with some takes!!!
The Rams Will End the Season as the Worst Defending Super Bowl Champs Since the 1999 Broncos
Flags fly forever. The 2021 Los Angeles Rams will always be Super Bowl LVI champions, but their 2022 follow-up is a bigger disappointment than the last Black Keys album. "Fuck them picks" worked for an all-or-nothing Super Bowl run, buuuuut, the Rams don't have a first-round pick until 3008 and basically every important player on their roster is hurt.
I don't feel bad for Rams fans because Rams fans don't really exist. It's a combination of olds, who lost the Rams in 1995, and youngs, who didn't grow up with this team. LA is not a football city, even though they stole two franchises. The '99 Broncos went 6-10 after Elway retired and Terrell Davis got hurt. LA's remaining schedule isn't that tough on paper, but they'll lose at least three of those games, which would, in the best-case scenario, make them 6-11, which is a worse winning percentage than 6-10.
Jeff Saturday Getting an Interim Head Coaching Job is Not the End of the World
Yo, fuck the Colts, and fuck me for believing in them so much going into the season that I bet $300 on them to win the AFC South at +110. The last two Super Bowl champs were loaded teams that upgraded with a veteran QB, and I really thought the Colts would follow that trend. I peppered them to win the Super Bowl too. It's safe to say those tickets are dead. Whatever, it's only money that I could totally use this time of year, but you miss all the shots you don't take, and I still don't think the Titans are good.
When the Patriots dismantled the Colts 26-3 in week 9, it ended Frank Reich's tenure as Indy's HC, and Jim Irsay decided to replace him with analyst/former Colts center Jeff Saturday.
At the time, it ruffled feathers around the league since Saturday's only coaching experience was at the high school level. With the league's shaky past regarding minority candidates, I understand the outrage over sort of skirting the Rooney Rule, but at the same time, we need to remember that Jim Irsay is a "recovering" junky who once tried to get Colt fans to turn in expired prescriptions for a 2014 season highlights DVD. He's not a good decision guy.
Of course, he hired his friend. The Colts were going nowhere fast, and maybe nobody on the staff was worthy of the interim tag. I should look it up, but I don't care about this franchise and am holding a grudge for them fucking up my future on them winning the South. It's not fair, but the game of life is all about who you know, and this Hall of Very Good center knows the Colts owner. He got an incredible opportunity out of it. Nepotism and favoritism aren't fair, but few things in life are. I liked what Saturday said in his press conference, and he already beat Josh McDaniels, so he's not the worst coach in the league. Plus, he'll probably get fired after the season ends and replaced with a more qualified candidate. Democratic backsliding is a much more pressing issue.
I get the frustration with how he got the job, but it's also a zany story in the middle of the season, and those are always fun.
Dennis Allen Should Be in Jail For Forcing Andy Dalton Upon Us #FreeJameis
Speaking of bad coaches, I picked the Saints to win the NFC South as a contrarian hardo pick back in September. Hand up, that probably won't happen, but excuse me for tryna spice up the gumbo. Look, I know Jameis has his flaws and can be frustrating at times, but the dude has an it factor and a higher ceiling than Andy Dalton. Let's remember the numbers Jameis put up in 2019.
Andy Dalton has zero future with the Saints, and Jameis has shown glimpses of being the guy. Andy Dalton is a nice guy, and I'm glad he's still getting paid, but he's made the Saints unwatchable at times. They just got shut out vs. the Niners. Look at Jameis; he's hurting emotionally. He needs to be out there.
Dennis Allen is a shitty coach and an even shittier person for robbing us of Jameis Winston on Sundays. I don't think I'm overreacting when I say he should be in jail for subjecting us to Andy Dalton when Jameis is good to go. Jameis could've scored two touchdowns last week. It was a very winnable game, and all Andy Dalton did was have cool red hair and not score points. The Saints are basically dead when it comes to the playoffs, so have fun with all these weapons and see if Jameis is the guy for next season because it sure as hell isn't Andy Dalton (who, again, is a nice guy).
Zach Wilson is a Bum
Zero accountability (Pats D made him look like a JV high schooler), and he can't do anything at QB. Congrats on picking him over Justin Fields, Jets!
I'm not a college football guy, I didn't see Zach Wilson play at BYU, but by the simple eye test, I knew he wasn't cut out of the NFL. He screams soft bitch that cannot lead adult men.
Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover. This dude is a bust and will be out of the league in three years.
The Bills Might Be Fraud-Adjacent
2nd highest scoring offense with the 5th fewest points allowed, yet the Bills have some head-scratching losses. I know they've been injured, but between their inability to conventionally run the ball, Sean McDermott being a fake good coach, and Josh Allen low-key being a turnover machine (11 picks and 9 fumbles--although they weren't all lost), I don't trust this team come playoff time. This isn't my Pats bias, either. I know they went into Arrowhead and won, but I just don't think this team is built for the playoffs. If they lose to the Pats on Thursday, it's time to start smashing the panic button.
The 49ers Are the Scariest Team in Football
They'll only go as far as Jimmy G will take them, but in his past two playoff runs, the Niners made a Super Bowl and should've won the NFC (that dropped INT changed everything). The trio of Deebo, Kittle, and McCaffrey is no hyperbole one of the best WR-TE-RB combos in NFL history. They need a cool nickname. I think SF has battled some injuries, but what team hasn't? In a wide-open NFL, this team could win it all if they can get competent play out of the QB. I love playing with them in Madden. The 49ers are a team nobody in the NFC wants to see come playoff time. The Eagles and Vikings should be terrified of San Francisco, even though Shanahan loves to blow double-digit leads.
Yassified Joe Burrow Could Get It.
Big swing and miss by me not saying "Judith Burrow" in that Saving Silverman Reference, but every year someone uses a girl filter on NFL QBs/coaches, and goes viral. Congrats, Joe Burrow, you make the hottest lady, bro. I think we can all admit that my photoshop is a sexy pic. I won't judge if you end No Nut November with it. Actually, I will just because anybody who partakes in that is a loser. Cum to what you want, though. With bitch ass Zach Wilson's delicate features, you'd think he'd make the hottest chick, but the filters did him dirty (still would).
The Patriots Would be 8-3 with a Real OC.
We should've beaten the Dolphins and Packers. Matt Patricia is crippling Mac's development (he did look nice on Thanksgiving though). Hunter Henry caught it.
At the 1/3 point these were my award winners:
MVP: Josh Allen
OPOY: Nick Chubb
DPOY: Micah Parsons
Comeback Player of the Year: Saquon Barkley
OROY: Chris Olave
DPOY: Sauce Gardner
Coach of the Year: Brian Daboll
Here's the 2/3 point update:
MVP: Patrick Mahomes (he probably won't win because he's judged differently for being so good but he's carrying the Chiefs who've shown they'll be fine without Tyreek)
OPOY: Tyreek Hill (still putting up numbers as much as Idfw him)
DPOY: Micah Parsons
Comeback Player of the Year: Saquon Barkley/Geno Smith if the Seahawks make the playoffs
OROY: Chris Olave
DPOY: Sauce Gardner
Coach of the Year: Brian Daboll
Let's end the blog with some rapid fire takes!
-Ravens will go one and done if they make the playoffs. All they do is blow double-digit leads.
-I no longer think Trevor Lawrence will be a bust.
-The Packers should shut down Aaron Rodgers for the rest of the season and give AJ Dillon more goal line carries.
-I cannot emphasize how bad of a name the Washington Commanders is. I understand why they retired Redskins and have no issues with that, but Commanders fucking sucks. (I love the left hand up song though)
-Kyler Murray isn't a winner.
-If Justin Fields gets some real weapons or more importantly a real line, the Bears could make the playoffs next year.
-The Bucs fucking suck, but if they get into the playoffs you never know.
-The Chargers *should* make the playoffs, but won't because of Brandon Staley. If they do, it'll be because the Jets fell off.
-My Pats will miss the playoffs at 9-8.
-The Texans should be relegated.
-Too Many Legs has two 7-1 weeks this season but is still winless. If I go 0-16 it's retired until next season.
Song: Keep on Dreamin (2022)
Artist: The Arcs
Album: Electrophonic Chronic
I thought The Arcs were done, but I guess I was wrong, like Chris Stapleton in my favorite song of his. I found this on Apple Music yesterday and really dig the sound. I fucking loveeee the album artwork, and as a Black Keys guy, I take no pleasure in saying this but "Keep On Dreamin" is better than anything for their last two records. I can't wait to hear the whole album in January. Most importantly,,,,, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATTY!!!! My Thanksgiving blogging hiatus is officially over.
Sometimes blogs are recycled texts!
The Tragedy at Club Q in Colorado is a Direct Result of Legislated Hate By Despicable Extremists Who Hate Freedom and Preach Intolerance
This blog features a LOT of videos from social media. Please watch them as you read. They help tell the entire story.
When I woke up on Sunday, I did what I usually do; I checked my phone. This is where I learned of yet another senseless mass shooting in the greatest country on earth. Five people are dead, and at least 25 more were injured after.....wait for it; someone charged with BUILDING A BOMB TO KILL HIS MOTHER got his hands on weapons of war to eliminate queer people and anybody who supports them.
Rest in Peace to the five victims of this heinous act of hate.
If you're a halfway reasonable person, you may ask yourself, "now, how could charges like that possibly be dropped?" Well, when your grandfather is a member of the California State Assembly who compared the January 6th attempted coup to overturn a fair, free and legitimate election to the start of the Revolutionary War, strings can be pulled, like getting charges against your grandson who threatened to blow up his mother with a homemade bomb dropped.
So much for the party of "law and order." Who's "soft on crime" now?
Some people have told me not to write about such "divisive" or political topics, but respectfully they can kiss my whole flat ass. I'd rather stand up for what I know is right and use my voice and the small platform I have to institute positive change in society. There's literally no reason for tragedies like this to happen. They are enabled by terrible/unenforced laws and hate-filled propaganda designed to anger people enough to do exactly what happened Saturday night. Fox News has blood on their hands.
Make no mistake about it. This shooting was a hate crime against queer people and those who support them. I'm so fucking sick of this hatred and lies that have been accepted as truth by millions of uneducated, hateful morons. LGBTQ+ people are just trying to live their fucking lives. Nobody is forcing children to transition, and the vast majority of trans kids aren't "getting their genitals" mutilated as the "love your neighbor, well not those, or those neighbors," so desperately want people to believe. Was Spotlight about drag queens or priests? I can't remember...
Scumbags like Matt Walsh will go on podcasts like the Joe Rogan show and spread lies about trans children designed to anger conservatives.
Countless Republican/American Fascist Party members do the exact same thing with their various platforms.
God forbid these parents who are so worried about their children learning about or even accepting LGBTQ+ people actually raise their kids. Nobody is forcing you to go to drag shows or watch Queer Eye.
The far right is actively trying to destroy all the progress the queer community has made over the past few decades.
In 2022 alone, more than 300 anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced in state legislatures across the U.S., according to Human Rights Campaign. Republicans like Florida Sen. Marco Rubio collectively spent at least $50 million on anti-trans ads during the midterms. Meanwhile, far-right pundits and politicians falsely accused transgender folks of being "groomers" and referred to drag queens as "pedophiles."
To be clear, countless studies have affirmed gender-affirming care for youth is safe and effective, and has been endorsed by several major governing medical bodies, because it improves mental health outcomes for trans youth into adulthood. Children aren't being forced to transition.
Texas is trying to classify drag shows as the sexually orientated businesses and their designation of a "drag show" is ridiculously loose.
This entire ordeal is so fucking sickening and frustrating. Trans people deserve dignity and respect. It's not asking too much.
The "best part" of this tragedy is that multiple heroes stopped the attacker, including a trans woman who beat the shit out of this piece of garbage with her pumps. God bless these courageous people for saving lives. If only the Uvalde police department had some officers as brave as trans women. Originally, Richard Fierro, the hero who subdued the shooter called the woman a drag queen, but she is a trans woman. It's important to know the difference. Richard is a fucking hero who unfortunately lost a loved on at Club Q Saturday night.
Why are these people so concerned about what other citizens do? If America was truly the freest country on earth, people should be able to identify however the fuck they want. It's not your business. You have no right to tell parents how to raise their kids and why would anybody fucking choose to be trans or gay? Nobody would willingly put themself into a positive to be a target of hatred. You don't choose who you're attracted to, and you sure as shit don't choose the sex you were assigned at birth.
And do not get it twisted. This is not the same as parents who want to rewrite history to promote lies and their hatred. There's a difference between accepting someone as who they are vs. promoting lies and hate. Like why the fuck is Virginia removing Martin Luther King, Jr from the curriculum?
The shooting at Club Q is devastating and heartbreaking. Unfortunately, it's not the first time I've written about a mass shooting affecting the LGBTQ+ community. Pulse happened in 2016, my first year writing DOL, and not much has changed since. If anything, things have gotten worse. These are all signs of a democratic backsliding nation.
Fuck Tucker Carlson and anybody who supports him.
There's no reason to actively try to make life worse for other people. Until something is done to address the gun issues in the country, we're gonna have more and more of these stories. Three football players at UVA were murdered last week. My heart breaks for all victims of all these senseless murders. People were out just trying to have a good time and a monster decided he had the right to murder them. I want to keep going, but I've got therapy in like 10 minutes and need to get this blog out. Rest in Peace to those who were senselessly killed. I hope the other victims have speedy recoveries. God bless everybody who helped take down the gunman. If you're a bigot who wants to restrict freedom of people simply trying to exist, fuck you.
Song: Stricken (2005)
Album: Ten Thousand Fists
I've had this stuck in my head for weeks. Disturbed kicks ass.
I know I declared the 2022 Patriots JFK dead after their MNF loss to the Chicago Bears, but buddy, the New England Patriots are VERY much alive in the AFC East (and playoff) race! Marcus Jones said ask not what your special teams can do for you, but what can Marcus Jones do for your special teams?
WHAT. AN. ENDING.
Special teams are a third of the game!!!!
I know we got away with a clear block in the back (and it was super unnecessary in that spot), but even with the flag, the Pats would've still been in makable field goal range.
Patricia's play calling was hideous, Folk missed two field goals, and McCourty let a sure INT bounce off his chest, but thanks to Marcus Jones and some stellar defense (they held NYJ to just 103 total yards), the New England Patriots are 6-4 and currently the AFC's 6th seed.
I don't know what to expect going forward. We have legitimately one of the best defenses in the NFL (against non-mobile QBs), but this offense makes the Cam year look like the Greatest Show on Turf. I blame a terrible offensive line and Matt Patricia. I don't understand why Bill can't move on from this bum. It isn't fucking working.
This is never a good sign.
But a win is a win, and that win against the not so lowly anymore New York Jets was huge. The Pats just swept the season series again (every year since 2016; 14 in a row) and moved up a spot in the playoff standings. There's still plenty of football to play, and with an anemic offense, you can't get too excited about this team's championship hopes but what an awesome, gross win. This game was disgusting. Like airport tuna disgusting, but in a weird way, an ugly win like that with such an exciting and emotional ending might be just what this team needs. Sure, I'm just trying to be optimistic, but I'm fired tf up. That was fucking awesome. First punt return TD of the entire season for any team. It (almost) made watching that whole game on Paramount+ with a solid minute delay because YoutubeTV was fucked up worth It.
You have to breathe after reading that sentence lol, but I am so pumped right now.
The 2010 Patriots' playoff loss to the Jets will always hurt, but that was nearly a dozen years ago. Since then, the Patriots have owned the New York Jets. It doesn't matter if it's Brady, Cam Newton, or Mac Jones; the Patriots own the Jets. The entire AFC Beast is at least two games over .500 and currently in the playoffs, but I think this is a loss that'll keep the Jets out, especially if the Chargers can get their shit together. Gun to my head, the Bengals will also find a way into the top 7. It's gonna be a dogfight to make the playoffs, but despite a disgusting offense, the New England Patriots are 6-4 through 10 games (just like last season). Patricia blows, but Mac didn't turn it over. Dre looked incredible. Fuck the Jets. Oh, and TML is 5-0 right now and very much alive for potentially its first win of the year!
Song: Bad Habit (2022)
Artist: Steve Lacy
Album: Gemini Rights
I know I'm late to the party, but I've probably listened to this song two dozen times over the past week. It's an absolute banger even though I have zero respect for people who give astrology the time of day. The biscuits and gravy reference saves it for me.
That title pretty much hits the nail on the head, but as a niche, undiscovered blogger, it's my job to paint a picture for you about this hilarious visual.
Saturday night, I went to a Senses Fail concert in Boston for my buddy's birthday, and it was fucking awesome. Sure, I was low-key terrified about the lack of security. There were no metal detectors, and I snuck in a water bottle because the big man needs to stay hydrated, but it left a noticeable bulge in my pocket. That could've been a gun with a sport top! Maybe the security dude was being chill and let me keep the Poland Spring bottle I bought at a 7/11 around the corner from the venue? But in today's crazy world, I feel like we should try to ensure no weapons are entering the building, especially at an emo show chock full o' resentment, anger and the urge to kill yourself for the last 20 years. I'm a chill guy, but I'm more than cool with a security guard going above and beyond to ensure my safety. It's just wild to me there was no pat down or metal detector. I'm so accustomed to that from other shows. I even said something to the guy during my many bathroom breaks. I was like, doesn't it scare you in today's world that there's no metal detector? He says, "Nah, I'm good at my job" That's not exactly the answer I was looking for, but I guess I appreciate your confidence. (HARDDDDOOOOOO).
Some other hardo wanted to fight me because my hair touched him when I was re-putting it up after my bun got loosened from being close to the mosh. He kept saying, "get a haircut," passive-aggressively behind me; I turned around, and he was like your greasy pussy hair touched me. It kinda ruined my vibes for a little tbh. We don't need that energy, you fucking bitch ass punk. My bad bro, but I'm gonna fix my bun when someone yanks on it in the pit. Sorry, you were graced by my gorgeous flow that hundreds of ubah passengers have gushed over. We're in the fucking pit. Shit like that is gonna happen. It's not like we were the only people in a huge room, and I ran up to you and rubbed my flow all over you. He was by himself like a fucking loser (unlike me the three times I've gone to shows alone), so he was probably just taking his frustration out on your boi, but still, fuck you. If I weren't a pussy or nearly 31 years old, I would've swung on him, but I was just tryna have a good time for my boy's birthday and hear "Buried a Lie" live.
On the bright side, this place still used paper tickets, which is awesome as someone who saves ticket stubs (or at least used to until that format died).
I've been in the pit for shows before and seen some interesting things, but few have made me as happy as seeing some guy in a full Wendy's uniform just moshing it up. Maybe that's my fat-ass brain's conditioning to seeing one of my favorite fast-food restaurant uniforms? That probably triggered some dopamine rush that I get when I'm biting into a double stack, but the visual of a full Wendy's uniform (apron included) just mixing it up in the pit from a band that peaked in 2004 was funny to me and worthy of a blog that a dozen people will see.
Quick video from trenches.
I only knew about 40% of the setlist because I only know songs from two Senses Fail albums, but during a cover of "All-Star" that felt like it was on Xanax compared to the rest of the energy from the night, Wendy's dude ended up getting on stage from his crowd surf.
This dude got off his shift and went straight to the concert in his Wendy's Uniform. He could've left the uni at work, changed quick or paid $4 for coat check, but I mean, you gotta tip you cap (or in his case visor) to the dedication for 18 year old screamo songs. Dave Thomas would be proud.
In the reddit video, you can kind of see the old guy in yellow who's job was basically to shepherd crowdsurfers. He must've helped fifty people off the stage and just let them back into the crowd. That was pretty cool too since there were about 10 "no moshing or crowdsurfing" signs around the venue. I still wouldn't hate a metal detector though.
Double P.S. UPDATE
I got in contact with the Wendy's dude on reddit and he doesn't even work at Wendy's anymore! I fucking love it (minus him making me feel ancient...WHO WAS ACTUALLY BORN IS 2004????). He wasn't even there for Senses Fail, dude just loves a good pit.
Song: Chaise Longue [live on Kimmel] (2022)
Artist: Wet Leg
Album: Wet Leg
The 2023 Grammy nominations make me feel 600 years old but shout out to Wet Leg for their four noms.
Biggest of Ups to My Favorite Major Leaguer, 31-Year-Old Rookie Robert Suárez, For Getting the BAG From the Padres!
I apologize for the delay in this story; I've been a busy boi!
Check out this fresh hot stove news! WOW!
A few weeks back, I learned about 31-year-old rookie Robert Suárez, and he quickly became my favorite major leaguer.
His story is incredible, and yes, I know nothing about his life outside of him being 31 and grinding his ass off to make it to the big leagues. If he turns out to be a hashtag bad guy down the line, I am well within my rights to rescind this praise with no repercussions, but for now, I am all aboard the Suárez train and fucking amped he got PAID!!!
Did Robert Suárez technically give up the pennant-clinching home run to Bryce Harper? Yes, but Josh Hader should've been in the game; plus, what does that say about how legit Suárez is? Bob Melvin trusted him against one of the hottest bats in the game with the season on the line. He gave up a bomb to a future Hall of Famer. It happens. At least you're a part of history. Still, there's no denying Suárez's rookie year went quite well. After Opening Day his era was 1.70.
Spin Zone: It's actually kind of cool that Suárez's only two losses of the year were Opening Day and NLCS Game 5 (the Padres' last game of the season). He book-ended the 2022 Padres. His work between those two outings was good enough for 46 milly over five years.
Typically rookies still have to play out their team control and arbitration years before getting paid, but that wasn't the case for one Mr. Robert Suárez. His story is one of resilience that already has a happy ending. If he never records another Major League out, he still performed well enough to receive a life-changing contract. That's what it's all about. Congratulations on the bag! Sorry I'm a few days late with the blog love; if you wanna throw a soon-to-be 31-year-old a few bones for all the kind words, my Venmo is available via DM.
Song: Sugar Daddy (2020)
Artist: Qveen Herby
Happy Birthday to my full-grown adult baby sister! Dozie loves you! According to her, this song is a "shmood."
Congrats on the Grammy nom, Kim, but you'll always be the throat goat to this ally. DOUBLE SONG OF THE DAY/NIGHT!!!