Everybody's favorite year 2016 is basically over. Tomorrow is New Years Eve (day), then come Sunday we'll be onto 2017. Just like that 2016 is done.

For some that means nothing more than it's time to hang up a new calendar.  You made it another year, congrats.

However for many it means a fresh start, or a reset.  I for one know that's how I'm looking at it. I'm a big "last horrah" guy. Always start diets on Monday for that reason. Using the New Year as a metaphorical line in the sand as to when I'm going to miraculously make positive changes in my life is something I've been doing for years. Dude I'm gonna be eating healthy next week, I can totally have this entire pizza right now.

I basically pulled a Toby and mentality checked out for the year around my birthday, knowing I could just use something as trivial as the year changing as excuse to change. 

While I think the whole idea of New Year Resolutions is kind of stupid ("New Year, New Me" people are the worst). I do appreciate people wanting to make changes for the better. Sure they're usually wicked unrealistic, with no true plan of action that causes people to go back to their normal ways by President's Day but it doesn't matter, sometimes it's truly the thought that counts. Just look at it this way, when you inevitability fail you can always start over next year.  Of course I'm kidding. while the idea of using the date to change is kind of stupid if that's all it takes for someone to make some positive changes in their life than I'm all for it. 

That's why I'm here! I'm going to help you by sharing my resolutions for 2017. Not trying to set the world on fire, just trying to make the 2017 model of me a little better than the 2016. Whether that happens or not remains to be seen.



​With all that being said let's take a look at my official resolutions for 2017. Let's start by setting the bar incredibily high. 


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Don't Die

Many resolutions/goals for the new year are a little too unrealistic. You're really gonna learn a new language at like 48 years old? Yeah right. 
 
Sometimes you gotta start with lay-up. Remember the show "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"  Where the $100 question was always something like "Who was the first President?*" or "What color is grass?**" just to get you rolling and get your confidence for the game up? 

That's basically what my first resolution is all about. Not dying is a fantastic goal for any new year. Gotta start with an easy one. Sure you want to read more,  but you can't do that if you're dead. Gotta walk  before you run basically. Can't build a house with a foundation. Blah, blah blah I could go all day with the cliches. 

But if you fail at this resolution then the rest don't really matter too much do they? Plus if you do make it to 2018 you get to cross at least one 2017 goal off the list. So congrats in advance to most of you! It's always nice to start with a softy so I'd recommend this as a resolution for all in 2017.






*George Washington and **Green for those of you playing at home. 

Spend More Money

I know what you're thinking? Dozo another typo-ridden blog??? Didn't you mean to save more? No you read that correctly and let me explain why:

Your boy is 25 years old and I need a real job. Subbing, pizza life and the occasional uber stint isn't cutting it. I still don't know what I want to do, and it's terrifying but all I know is I need more money for the life I want to live.

If I just spend like I have a desposible income then that money is gonna need to come from somewhere. Economics 101.  Can't spend what you don't have. Duh! So if I keep spending then I'm gonna have to find a real job to keep up with my habits. So the way I see it is eventually I'll be forced to find legit work in order to fuel my spending needs. Solve a problem, by creating another problem. Like getting pregnant to save a relationship. It always works. By being irresponsible, I'm actually being very responsible. It's honestly fool proof and I don't know what took me so long to think of it. 


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Learn More About Wine

All I know about wine is that you're not supposed to refrigerate red. Seems crazy to me, no beverage tastes good at room temperature. Gotta be hot or cold.

I'm getting off track though...from what is potrayed in tv/movies and social media chicks love wine. I am a fan of the ladies so anything that can help my chances is a good thing. It seems like a no brainer to become more educated in something that could help me with the ladyfolk. Drop some knowledge out of nowhere about cabernet. I'm just trying to be a well rounded 21st century man. Plus it's another way to drink. As a fan of that activity and 25 year old  it's time to broaden my horizons. 

Stop Falling Asleep at Events

Sure my resolution could just be "don't drink" but that's about as realistic as having "be happy" or "make your parents proud" as one. I just want to be the guy who's not asleep at 10:00 at a party. 

Over the course of my life, I've been known to put a few back with the best of them. However this year after not drinking for like 4 months I lost all my abilities. Now I just fall asleep when I've had one too many. Usually it's also because I'll go out on an empty stomach, but that's just because I'm trying to save calories. I should be getting praised. Instead I'm made a mockery. I guess in once sense it's good since it stops me from doing embarrassing things but at the same point when you're the large man passed out at 9:00pm at a wedding, that in itself is just as, if not more embarrassing. 

In 2016 I fell asleep at a concert, a wedding, a bar(s), and a Christmas party. Not ideal. I'll raise my hand on that one. That's my bad. All I can promise is to try to be better. Hopefully in 2017 I'll learn how to handle booze like an adult. 

​Be Less Awkward

I used to think being fat was why I did so poorly with the ladies. Don't get me wrong, it definitely plays a big role, but over this last year I've began to realize that I may be the most awkward person of all time. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. Do I just lie to myself and pretend to be some hot shot? I'm about as smooth as stucco. People will see right through that.

Like I went out with a girl this year and I thought her foot was the table post for about an hour and kept inadvertently kicking it all day, when she told that was her foot and not the table I might as well have just melted into a ball right then and there. Shockingly things did not end greatly.

I just get wicked uncomfortable in new social situations. I won't even eat lunch in the teacher's lounge when I'm subbing because I'm so worried I'll embarrass myself in a professional setting. Rather just eat alone in my room like Steven Glansburg. I don't understand why I'm like this because I'm the fucking man  I have nothing to worry about (see I'm trying to be faslely cocky), yet in my head I'm like a bumbling, nervous idiot who says "you too" when a waiter says "enjoy your food". 

I don't know if there's pills or like a class I can take but in 2017 I need to be less of an awkward mess.  

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Mix in a Salad

Again we're all about being realistic here. I'm not a salad guy. I've tried. I do not like the way they taste, I do not enjoy them. They are not fun. But I also do not enjoy being a fat piece of shit. That's not fun either. I lost a ton of weight this year and was very public about it. I'm nowhere close to where I used to be but have definitely put some pounds back on. I do not want to be the guy who made a huge deal about changing for the good only to go back to where I was.  Not a good look for your boy.

With being realistic I know I'm not gonna crush salads on the regular, but I mean if I can substitute a salad in a few times a week instead of pizza and burritos I can only imagine that will have a positive impact on my life. I'll just bite the bullet and start mixing in salads more in 2017.

Move Out

A little seriousness (but not really) to end this post. If I'm still living at home on NYE 2017 fucking kill me. 

Song: Silvertongue
Artist: Young The Giant
​Album: Home of the Strange

Song: Vowels
Artist: Capital Cities

 
First off Victor Cruz and his 1 touchdown this season should not be starting shit. He is nowhere close to the player he was in 2011 when the awful 9-7 G-Men got hot thanks to him and won a Super Bowl. As Coach Belichick says "ignore the noise" well here Cruz sure is making a lot of it.

While the Giants have had a nice year they are going to be the 5 seed in the NFC so if they are going to make it to Super Bowl LI it is going to be a long tough road to Houston as they'll play every game away from Metlife Stadium. However the Giants have done it before, in both of their Super Bowl runs under Eli Manning they've had to win multiple road playoff games on their way to championships.


That is what leads me to Cruz' comment in reference to potentially playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl ​“They don’t want to see us,” “I’m sure if you ask them (they’d say) they’d play anybody, they don’t care. I’m sure they don’t want to see us. That’s for sure.”



He's not wrong. As a Patriots fan I do not want to play the Giants in the Super Bowl despite thinking the 2016 Patriots are a much better team than the 2016 Giants.

The New York Giants have had one of the weirdest runs in all of sports. Since 2007 (excluding however their playoff run ends this season) they've made the playoffs only three times (2007, 2008, 2011) but during two of those three times they won the Super Bowl. They basically either don't make the playoffs or win the whole thing.

Plus both times they won they upset Patriot teams with superior records. 16-0 vs. 10-6 in 2007 and 13-3 vs. 9-7 in 2011. Both times the Patriots had better teams yet because of their style of play (and luck) they've won two Super Bowls over the class of the NFL the last 15 years, the New England Patriots.

Two hot months of football over the last decade have made up for years of ineptitude and mediocrity and has somehow convinced people that Eli Manning should be a Hall of Fame QB. But credit to the Giants, they made they plays and won Super Bowls. They made the luckiest play in Super Bowl history. More power to them.

The Patriots on the other hand have been a perennial Super Bowl contender over 15 seasons and have been easily the most successful organization in the NFL if not all of sports, yet the Giants have the Trump Card of being able to say they've been them twice in the Super Bowl. Nobody would ever argue that the Giants have had a better run since the new millenium but they can always make the claim.

Should they play the Patriots again in the Super Bowl and godforebid win it, it would move the Giants to 3-0 against Brady and Belichick in the Super Bowl and drop their record to 4-3 with all 3 losses coming to the G-men. Instead of Tom Brady being remembered as the greatest QB of all time he's remembered as being 0-3 in the Super Bowl against this guy.

As a Patriots fan I cannot have it. I don't need to get chirped at by loser Giants fans for the rest of my life that the most inconsistent team ever somehow beat us 3 times in the Super Bowl. Even with 2 Super Bowl losses to them we still have 4 as a franchise and make it to the AFC championship every year when they're busy going 6-10. We're better. I'd rather be a Patriots fan any day of the week. But one more ring for them, especially against us totally shifts the axis of power. It almost wipes out all the success of this Brady-Belichick regime.

Bill Belichick doesn't need that either. The man behind the famous Giant defenses of the 80's and early 90's goes down as the genius future HOF coach that was unable to beat his former team in the Super Bowl. It just is a horrible situation that could happen.

While it would be awesome to get some revenge against the team who ruined your chance at being 19-0 and the best team off all time and also the magical "do it for Myra" 2011 season, the possibility of falling to 0-3 against the Giants is terrifying. Believe me that would be the perfect scenario for this season to end. Beating the Giants in the Super Bowl. But I don't think I could handle it the other way around. If the New York Giants entire coaching staff and roster played in a different uniform I would not be scared of them. Their offense is a one man show and while their defense is vastly improved it does not scare me. The laundry does. There's just something about the Giants that does bad things to the Patriots, and while I'm not worried about this team I'm worried about what this team potentially represents. 

So in a weird way I think Victor Cruz is right, at least when it comes to fans. Players I don't think it's the same. Basically everybody from 2011 is gone except for Brady and Belichick its almost an entirely different team since the last time they played. Julian Edelman was here but he was playing more CB than WR at the time. But when it comes to legacy I know I am scared of playing the Giants again and I'm sure there has to be at least one person inside 1 Patriot Place either a coach, player or front office person who feels the same way as I do.

Actress Carrie Fisher died yesterday from complications of a heart attack she suffered on a plane four days earlier. The actress known most notably for her role as "Princess Leia" in the Star Wars franchise was only 60 years old. As people do nowadays, many went to social media to express their sympathies and feelings towards the late actress.  There were many tributes to Carrie Fisher online and on TV.  ABC even made a 20/20 special honoring her life as well as George Michael's who passed away Christmas  Day. (What a random duo)
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​Cinnabon decided to get in on the action and posted this tweet. Spoiler alert: it did not go over well. 

That's right there were people upset with this harmless, and IMO pretty good tribute to Fisher. Cinnabon has since deleted the tweet and issued an apology.  Now some poor 23 year old social media coordinator is going to get fired because a bunch of losers got mad online because they can't handle a good tweet. Sad!

Let's look at the facts for a second. All Cinnabon has is cinnamon buns and like maybe sodas and lemonade.  They don't get a lot of opportunities to get buzz in the public eye. The only time people are thinking about Cinnabon is when they're waiting at the airport and debating if a 6000 calorie slime ball is a good idea before a cross-country flight. Its not but that isn't going to stop you. Cinnabon is to airports what Auntie Anne's Pretzels are to malls. They don't exist anywhere else in nature so you have to stop every time. 

When the actress who played Princess Leia dies, who I'd say had probably the most famous buns in the history of buns you have to pounce on the opportunity to get your name out there.  I'd argue it'd be an even  bigger mistake from the Cinnabon twitter team to NOT make this tweet.  You aren't gonna have this opportunity everyday. It wasn't in bad taste, if anything they're paying respect. When a company who literally only does thing, (cinnamon) buns is saying you'll always have the best buns in the galaxy, I'd say that is pretty high praise.  Its clearly a reference to Fisher's most promient role and what people remember best about Princess Leia, her buns. If anything Cinnabon should be praised for such a quick witted, unique tribute to a fallen star. 

Luckily there are many other people out there like be with brains who are not offended by this tweet and actually think it was a nice jesture. Just check #IStandWithCinnabon on twitter. 

Song: Million Reasons
Artist: Lady Gaga
Album: Joanne

Song: Wonderful Christmastime
Artist: Paul McCartney 

 it was always my dream to somehow get my hands on the ball. When I finally got the chance on senior day, I gained a yard. In my defense though the starting offensive line was out and I had no help but that's beside the point. Also yeah, we went 1-7, (3-8 if you count non-league games) but we had no QB or depth....but whatever this isn't to talk about high school football, I'm 25 years old, I totally don't care anymore. I'm just trying to paint a picture here, damnit.

When Dan Connolly got the chance to touch the ball, he nearly scored a touchdown. A truly awesome highlight from one of the most underappreciated Patriot teams of the Brady-Belichick era. I could watch that big ran run all day. 

Dan might have not scored that night in 2010 but he did get to truly live every football players dream by winning a Super Bowl in his final NFL game. 

Last Thursday long time Turner-Sports reporter Craig Sager passed away after a very public battle with Leukemia, he was 65 years old.  Despite a terminial diagnosis after his cancer returned in early 2016 Craig didn't stop fighting, and certaintly didn't stop living. I think about death every single day, it's absolutely terrifying, I don't think I could be able to handle it the way Craig did. It's tough to see someone go through all of that, and so publicly. 

In the final week of his life Craig still kept living. He went to his 10 year old son's basketball game on Saturday and 11 year old daughter's on Sunday. When you watch the video you can see how sickly he looks and the pain he's in, but he wasn't going to let that stop him from not wasting the final days he had left. The day before Sager's death was his wedding anniversary, it makes you think he just held on long enough to have that day with his wife. 

Very powerful video about life and living when you know that you time is nearly up. 

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"Everyday is a canvas waiting to be painted" 

At work the other day I had the aux-cord and since it is December we were in the festive mood. I tried to find some Christmas music on Apple Music. Guess what I couldn't. I was starting to get pissed, I thought I broke by phone or something because I couldn't find anything. I have a 5S #LikeApoor so I figured something was wrong on my end.

​If you type in "Christmas Music" this is what comes up.

Now I get it we live in PC America where you're considered a bigot for saying "Merry Christmas" when like 80% of the country also celebrates Christmas. This isn't about that. 

This rant is about how stupid eliminating the term "Christmas" from obvious Christmas things is. At least when you're saying "Happy Holidays" it actually makes sense because there are a bunch this time of year and that just puts everything under an umbrella. It works. It's easy. If you wanna call your work Christmas party a Holiday Party, be my guest. I don't really have an issue with that, you don't wanna bring religion into the workplace. Totally cool by me. But you wouldn't call a Menorah a "Holiday Candle" would you? No, because that's not what it is, its a Menorah. 

If calling something by what it truly is offends you, I'm sorry but you're in the wrong. It's like when people say they don't see color. You're  just trying to sound enlightened when really you're the one being ignorant. People of all races, genders, backgrounds, whatever you want to use are different, and guess what thats okay. We shouldn't be afraid of that, we should celebrate people's differences and stop getting so fucking worried about pissing some cry babies off. It's okay to acknowledge the fact that not everybody is the same. Same thing with Christmas music.  There is no such thing as "holiday music" because there's like two songs about Hanukkah. "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" and "The Hanukkah Song". If you wanna get mad, get mad at other religions for not having hundreds of fire songs about their holidays. I think you need to make up more than 10 minutes of music to change the entire title of a genre. 

Can we please just use some logic for one second? Let's not act like calling Christmas Music "Christmas Music" is offensive. It's not.  Christmas music is Christmas music. It's not holiday music, that's not even a thing. Christmas has prettttty, pretttty big monopoly on the "holiday music" market. I did some extended research and by that I mean I just kept skipping songs to see what came up on "holiday radio" and what I found was pretty interesting.

It really hurt to skip over Wonderful Christmastime, but I'm here to do a job. 

That sure is a lot of Christmas Music for Holiday Hits. Can we please just use our brains and say it's okay to call Christmas Music what it is? I'm not even mad as a low-key God guy I'm mad as a human with a brain. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.