As you know, after listening to today's SOD and reading my Maine trip diary, I'm currently vibing, listening to music, looking at the scenery, and getting roasted in group chats. 

I've tried to unplug...but of course, I was scrollin' scrollin' scrollin', lake side and finally saw some news on IG that wasn't about fucking Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce or Colorado Football.

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Say whaaaat now? You've got my attention. I can't wait to bring this up when the fellas return from climbing a mountain like rugged outdoorsmen while I stayed home and did dishes (ran the dishwasher....oh and now it looks like it didn't even work) like Betty Draper. This is some interesting ass news, and frankly, it's about time. I wanna know who did it. You do too. I get the whole "no snitching" protocol, but like c'mon...someone (and probably way more than that) knows the truth, and the world deserves to know it.

As Chris Rock and millions of other people have said over the past 27 years....TUPAC GOT SHOT IN VEGAS! More people saw Tupac get shot in Vegas than the last episode of Seinfeld. I know the 90s was a different world technology-wise, like even in 2001 there were only like three camera angles of the first tower getting hit. Now, there are probably more 2001 cameras in that same area. Nowadays, with iPhones and Big Brother always watching, it'd take a lot more than "no snitching" to keep a mystery alive all these years.

I mean, we have to respect our flawed legal system. Just cause this dude got arrested doesn't mean he's the person who pulled the trigger; apparently, in 2018, he said he knew who killed Tupac. Maybe he knows cause it was him?? We'll let the legal process play out, but this Friday news got my stoned wheels spinning. What other stories is this one covering up? I mean, talk about a great topic to distract people from the world being on fire and fascism in our backyard. At least during the fall of Rome, there was still bread to go with the circus.

Ya boi is blogging LIVE from beautiful Maine while everybody else hikes. 

It's hard to believe it's been over three and a half years since JT got some Jesus ink but omitted (for dummies, that means left out) apostrophes and completely changed its meaning. ​

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My man may be on the brink of being a top 3 guy in the association, but he done beeen a curator of questionable ink. JT doesn't FW apostrophes.

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For a while, I thought nothing would top his mushroom cloud tribute to Saint Louie.

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HOWEVAAA, in a move that's equal parts head-scratching and straight-up swag, this former 19-year-old has outdone himself. I hate it and love it at the same time, kind of like

Jayson Tatum's latest tattoo is the word "LIFE" (After his favorite movie, but also perhaps in homage to his favorite niche blog??---that despite writing light-hearted blogs about his "creative" tats hopes Jayson Tatum is a Celtic for LIFE; if he didn't get hurt in Game 7, the C's would've completed the 0-3 comeback) sideways down his leg with movie characters that inspired him in each letter.​ Talk about a Mount Rushmore!

I applaud originality. Variety is the spice of life. So many people are copies of a copy and follow the herd. It's cool to have your own style. Don't get the same haircut as everybody else.

Like, I was listening to the new Olivia Rodrigo on the way to Steely Dan and Eagles last week, and I thought to myself, "There can't be too many other people on their way to this show belting out "EACH TIME I GO OUTSIDEEEE, IT'S SOCIAL SUICIDEEEE," while on there way to hear "Kid Charlemagne." I think about that shit all the time with music. It's like permutations from high school math. There are so many insane combos that only get crazier the deeper your catalog goes. How many people can listen to Steely Dan, Olivia Rodrigo, Usher, Avenged Sevenfold, Tommy Tutone, and Stevie Ray Vaughan in a row? Idk, but Ole Dozo does!

That's where my late-night brain (I woke up at 6 a.m. today, so I'm on fumes) went as soon as I saw this. I don't think I'm telling tales out of school when I say, Jayson Tatum may be the only person on earth with tattoos of nuclear fallout AND Will Smith's allergic reaction from the 2005 hit rom-com Hitch.

You could probably say that with any combo of those featured characters, and I fucking love it. JT's leg has to be the first documented time where John Q and The Incredibles were mentioned in the same breath. I'm a huge "haven't seen the classics, but have seen so much trash" kind of guy with movies. I bet JT would appreciate this piece of Dozo trivia: The first R-rated movie I saw in theaters was Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. I've never seen The Godfather straight through, but I can recite Failure to Launch (which is severely underrated...seriously, go to Wiki and look at how loaded that cast was...especially in 2006!) word-for-word.

I just wanna know what's next for Jayson's body art. Obviously, I want the Celtics to win Banner 18, but imagine what he'll come up with for that tattoo. If you don't have a dog in the fight this NBA season, root for the underdog Celtics so we can see Jayson Tatum get a tattoo of Kobe looking down from heaven at JT holding the NBA Finals: Presented by YoutubeTV MVP Trophy while looking at childhood Jayson in a mirror under the Gateway Arch.

P.S.

FTR, I haven't seen "Life," or "The Incredibles." I loved John Q though. What a film.

P.S.

I HATE olives, but Olivia is one of my favorite girl names.

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I ended up missing like 98% of MNF last night because I was with my aunt to go over lame adult stuff, so I didn't see Aaron Rodgers' injury in real-time, but it is such a fucking bummer. 

ICYMI: Aaron Rodgers tore his Achilles on the Jets' first drive of the season. You literally cannot write a worse break for the four-time AFL/AFC East champion New York Jets. For comparison, the Houston Texans, whose first season was 2002, have won six AFC South titles.

NFL script jokes are already tired af, but honestly who tf wrote this??? It's just cruel! On fucking 9/11, too? Haven't New Yorkers been through enough? As an unbiased football fan (and someone who JUST picked the Jets to win Super Bowl 58), it's devastating news. This flat out stinks.

At least we'll always have this moment. It was an undeniably swaggy. Those Jets throwbacks are a million times better than their current threads.

Admittedly, this is fantastic news for my Patriots. Even though the Jets won last night, they are clearly in trouble after losing a QB they put so much capital into. Josh "the walking turnover" Allen showed precisely why I've been banging the Josh Allen is overrated drum for the last couple of years. Miami's offense is great, but you gotta grade them on a curve against Brandon Staley (a bottom-three coach in the league). All I know is the AFC East is wide open, and the Patriots have a legit chance.

This data is super specific but eye-opening nonetheless!!!

I'm not gonna gloat that a team I hate lost its franchise QB on the 22nd "anniversary" of the worst 9/11 in New York history (that wouldn't be very hashtag good guy of me!), but the fact that this happened on 9/11 is crazy. Like the towers, it only took seconds for the Jets season to collapse upon itself. 

Of course, this injury will bring more debate about artificial turf usage in NFL stadiums. Not to get on my "capitalism will lead to the end of society" soapbox, but the shortsightedness of NFL teams in this situation is bananas. The entire reason turf exists is to avoid the cost and upkeep of a natural grass field, but isn't paying someone to mow the lawn worth the price of potentially NOT losing a star(s) to an avoidable injury?

Concussions, broken bones, strains, etc., are unavoidable in this violent game. Of course, non-contact injuries are, too, but if there's substantial proof that grass is safer AND all NFL stadiums in use for the 2026 World Cup have agreed to change their field surface for the event, it poses the question...why not do something about this sooner???

Not only is this loss terrible for the league as a whole, but I feel terrible for Aaron Rodgers. Yes he can be an annoying pseudo intellectual and his anti-vax swag isn't swag at all, but he's one of the best QBs of all-time. I've loved watching him play since he became a starter in '08. Sure, he's had some horrific playoff losses and probably cares more about the MVP than a second ring, but he's a surefire Hall of Famer, and even with a single pass attempt, the best QB the Jets have ever had. Whether you love them or hate them, when the Jets are good, it's great for the league. The loss of Rodgers is just a massive bummer and it sucks Hard Knocks doesn't follow the team all season because the next episode would be must watch TV.

The Jets have a plethora of prime time games on their schedule. Sure, some can be flexed, but we're still getting robbed of what could've been some marquee matchups.

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I know Zach Wilson wasn't great, but it would be an awesome story if he somehow figured it out and led the Jets to the playoffs after they moved on so "quickly." King Hardo, Pat McAfee said he thinks Rodgers will return this year. IDK about a 39-year-old coming back from a torn Achilles that quickly, bro. Of course, that would be an incredible story if he did, but there's a better chance we'll never see Aaron Rodgers in the NFL again.

This loss is awful for the league, but as a Patriots fan, I won't cry about having an easier path to the playoffs. That doesn't mean I'm not a little bummed cause I am. I'm just reminding our readers that two things can be true at the same time. At least I never put in that Jets Super Bowl future!

P.S.

Everybody's saying the Jets should go after Brady. While that would objectively be hilarious, I don't think Tom would ever play for the fucking Jets. Kaepernick would be great just because of the media circus and chaos it would cause, but that's not gonna happen. The Jets may trade for Kirk or sign Carson Wentz, but could either handle the Big Apple?

I know a WINNING QB who has some experience with the New York media AND had a blistering hot 75% completion clip during his time in Gotham. 

I'm seeing Steely Dan and Eagles at the Garden tomorrow night and cannot fucking wait!!!​ Those are two of my favorite older bands and with each already losing members to #death, this is one of the last chances to watch these legends live. I'm high key obsessed with Steely Dan. It bums me out that they didn't tour after 1974 until the reunited in the 90s...it makes live footage like this super rare. Thank God there's like four songs on Youtube from this Midnight Special episode.

Well, that loss fucking stunk. I'm trying to be positive. That hypothetical +700 hit sure would've been nice, but it's a results league, and the Pats lost 25-20 to the defending NFC champion Philadelphia Eagles.

Mac Jones falls to 0-3 in Week 1 games, but you cannot blame the Patriots QB for today's L. Yes, the pick-6 wasn't a good throw, but the receiver also had his hands on it. Mac finished the game 35/54 for 316 yards, 3 TDs, and a costly INT that went for an Eagle TD. I love how he responded after a less-than-stellar start to year three. Mac showed me something today (but there were some untimely sacks...10 HAS to know when to throw it away).

It's such a loser mentality, but I didn't expect to win this game. I thought we could, and by the way the Pats played today, they could've won, but it's not like they dropped a game to a 1-9 team. I'm super encouraged by what I saw out of the Patriots defense. It started ugly, but they ended up holding Philly to three on a drive where they were shaving off 10+ yard plays with ease.

The Pats' D allowed 18 points, and six came on a short field (26 yards) after a Zeke fumble. There were plenty of positives against one of the league's most loaded offenses. No Jalen Hurts offense had ever gone three and out on four straight drives...until today.​

Unfortunately for the Pats, it took them too long to capitalize on the Eagles 2nd quarter slump.

You gotta give Philly their credit for holding the Pats to six points in the second half, but in my very unbiased opinion, the Pats lost this game more than the Eagles won. That doesn't really mean anything, but it undoubtedly makes me feel a little better. 

It just sucks cause this was such a winnable game, even after a terrible start. As a narrative guy, I loved our chances. The missed PAT (which I called) was massive to keep it a two-score game. â€‹â€‹

When Jim Nance or Romo mentioned how the Pats' 16-point first-quarter deficit was their largest since the Denver game in 2013, I honestly loved our chances even more. I know Brady was QBing that team, but he was in the building today and thought maybe those vibes would spread to the fellas on the field in those fugly uniforms.

New England had plenty of chances to take control in the 2nd half. The had a chance to double-score, but went three and out to start the quarter. On their second drive of the 3rd, they got to the Philly 28 before multiple penalties killed that scoring chance. Then, the Pats got down to the Philly 17 on their following drive. With over 9 minutes left in the game, down 8, the Pats went for it on 4th and 3 instead of attempting a 34-yard field goal. The play never had a chance, and the Eagles kicked a field goal on the ensuing drive to go up 11.

I got serious 2015 AFCCG vibes in that situation. In the Dozo System, you kick it there. When you're down 8, a field goal makes it a 5-point game. Now, if you stop your opponent, you don't have to worry about a two-point conversion, AND you can give up a field goal and still be down one score. I know Belichick is the greatest coach of all time, but with that much time left, the weather, and how well the Pats defense was playing, you gotta take the three there. Obviously, the game would've gone differently had they kicked it....maybe the rookie would've missed? I would've loved to see the Pats get the ball down 2 or 3 instead of 5.

What makes that loss hurt the most is the missed opportunities. Even with the turnovers, failed 4th down in the red zone and tbh a piss-poor running game...the Pats had life. That Jalen Hurts fumble gave them the ball on the Eagle 41-yard line with 3:20 left. I was sooo fucking fired up after this play

A solid run set up 2nd & 5, but a sack and delay of game led to a failed 4th & 17 attempt. I get why the Pats went for it in that spot, but with three timeouts, the 2:00 warning, and how well the D played, I wouldn't have hated punting. It didn't end up mattering. The Pats got the ball back with 1:57 left and a timeout...it just felt very un-Patriot like to go for it in that spot. 

If only Kayshon Boutte had smaller feet!!! 

I loved what we saw out of Kendrick Bourne.  His underutilization was so fucking frustrating last season. This offense needs him.

The defense was outstanding for the most part. There are plenty of positives to take away from this game, but the Patriots are still 0-1. Typically, the Patriots play clean football, but their sloppy play (back-to-back turnovers & a million "holdings") and questionable decisions ultimately made the difference against a team many believe can return to the Super Bowl.

Miami won today, and with the Jets and Bills playing MNF, there will likely be two teams a game ahead of the Pats. It's too early to worry about that, but this team isn't good enough to give away games they had within their grasp.

While the better team won, the Patriots fucking could've, and I'm excited to see what this team does in the next 16 games. Christian Gonzalez had a huge sack. Sure, I feel like we got kind of fucked by the flags today, but that is just loser talk. The Patriots are 0-1, but I'm excited to see what this team does in 2023.

P.S.

How many fucking captains do the Eagles have? I swear I saw at least four "C" patches on offense.

​Not kicking the FG on 4th & 3 with 10 minutes left...bad idea right? What a BRUTAL loss for the Pats. Also, this song gives me major The Waitresses vibes. Hopefully they'll be no more lawsuits for Liv!!!

KC starts its title defense against the offseason darling Detroit Lions. After a 1-6 start in 2022, Dan Campbell's squad finished 9-8 and ended Aaron Rodgers' Packer career with a prime-time L in a win and get in game. Everybody and their mother is picking them to make the playoffs, and while the Lions are primed to take the next step, they're still the Detroit Lions. Would it really shock anybody if they ended up being a 7-10 disappointment?

We'll get to all these takes and predictions in this blog; let's start with the AFC. Also, I didn't look at all the schedules, so these numbers might not add up, but this isn't a fucking math blog.

​I've been banging the Josh Allen is overrated drum for a few years now, and while the Bills have looked like an NFL team playing a Pop Warner squad the last few times they've played my Patriots, the fact remains that Josh Allen is a walking turnover. I don't think the Bills are gonna completely implode. They're incredibly talented and well-coached, but the Stefon Diggs situation is worth monitoring. He's not super happy from stories I read a while back and haven't checked back into since. Buffalo may be under the most pressure of any team in the league. Since they made the 2020 AFC Championship Game, people have expected them to take the next step, and it has yet to happen. It's crazy to say, but could their window be closing in a loaded AFC?

For only the 5th time in franchise history, the New York Jets will win the AFC East. I am all in on the Jets, and it has nothing to do with trolling or jinxes. Maybe I'm sipping the Hard Knocks flavor-aid a little too much, but everybody knows Dozo is a narrative guy, and I LOVE the Jets narrative. This team hasn't made the playoffs since 2010 (when they were on Hard Knocks), but had one of the league's best defenses last season. Aaron Rodgers still has plenty left in the tank and more to prove. Yes, he's won a Super Bowl, so he'll never get that Marino treatment, but it's also kind of crazy he hasn't been back since the 2010 season. It's a little strange to me that Rodgers wanted to go to New York since that's what Brett Favre did, and they've basically had the same career, but I think Aaron knows how much winning a Super Bowl with the Jets would mean to his legacy. Pedro Martinez once said that winning one ring in Boston was like three anywhere else, and that sentiment rings true here. I hate the Jets, but I respect their place in league history. They're a loser franchise, and Broadway Joe sold his soul to win Super Bowl III and solidify the AFL (#respect). Did you know NYJ hasn't had a 4000-yard passer since Namath became the first player in NFL/AFL history to eclipse that mark...IN 1967!!!!

The Dolphins are going to be right in the hunt. I wouldn't be shocked to see the AFC East end up with three playoff teams; I just don't believe in Tua.

Lastly, my New England Patriots. I expect to see some serious improvement on offense now that we have a real OC, but with the hardest schedule in the NFL, in arguably the toughest division, the odds are stacked against them. I don't think Mac Jones is as bad as Matt Patricia made him look last season, and with this defense, the Patriots will likely be in most of their games. It's more of a "the rest of the league is so much better" than a "they're not good enough" situation. This team went 8-9 last year while giving away multiple games. They're improved, and there's a path to 10-7 with this team, but even if they do get to double-digit wins, it may not be enough in a loaded AFC East. I am super excited to see how Dre and Zeke play together. The Pats have a legit chance to make the playoffs; I'm just not getting my hopes up.

Joe Burrow is the 2nd best QB in the NFL and while I don't think Zac Taylor is a great coach, the Bengals have one of the best rosters in the NFL. Yes, they've lost some heart and soul guys like Jesse Bates, but with an improved offensive line, I love their chances to get back to the Super Bowl. Obviously Burrow's health is paramount.

The Ravens have been one of the top AFC teams since Harbaugh showed up in 2008 and are expected to be right in the mix all season, as long as Lamar Jackson stays healthy. I know Pro Bowler Brent Huntley has shown glimpses, but he's not the guy. This team will go as far as Lamar takes them. From a personal POV, I hope Odell has a nice bounce back year and I need JK Dobbins/Gus Edwards to step up for my fantasy team.

I've seen a lot of people picking the Steelers to make the playoffs, I don't get it, but I've also learned that Mike Tomlin just doesn't have losing seasons. Last year, Pittsburgh was 2-6 and finished 9-8. It wouldn't shock me to see them fall below that mark this season, but with TJ Watt and an elite defense, this team is gonna be a tough out in 2023. Lots of talking heads expect Kenny Pickett to have the second year bump. With some awesome weapons, it wouldn't shock me, but this division is gonna kill each other like it always does.

Then there's the Browns. I really don't care about the Browns. I love Nick Chubb, but Watson can kick rocks. Maybe they'll be okay, but we all know the Browns aren't gonna do shit. Yeah they have "guys," but I'm pretty sure they don't have a kicker.  With Kareem Hunt gone, there's no back-up either.

The Swaguars are like the AFC Lions, except this core already has a playoff win under its belt. In one of the worst divisions, with a great coach-QB combo, many expect the Jags to repeat as AFC South champs, but like the Lions...it's the fucking Jags...would a disappointment really shock you? I love the Calvin Ridley addition for this offense. I still think their D has a long way to go (subpar pass rush), but they're clearly the class of this division...on paper.

I love Vrabel, and Derrick Henry is still a beast, but the Titans feel like a team in transition. I probably was too kind in assuming they'll win 8 games....but then Vrabel somehow leading this roster to the playoffs wouldn't shock me at all. IMO he's a top 5ish coach in the league.

Texans and Colts both have young exciting (maybe?) QBs and could turn some heads, but I'm not giving them much more time than that. Also, the Texans need new uniforms. 20 years of that fugliness is long enough.

As long as the Chiefs have Patrick Mahomes, they're gonna be a playoff contender. While the Chris Jones hold out and Kelce injury are concerning, this team has a little Patriot in them. With Andy Reid and Mahomes, they're always in the mix. As a Mahome owner in fantasy, I wanna see his play well, but I am also so ready like Goose, for another team to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl.

I'm not ready to give up on Russell Wilson. The fact that Sean Payton is calling him out for worrying more about his image than playing makes me think the Broncos are due for a serious bounce back. Their defense was elite last season, if Russ can be SERVICEABLE this team can win double digit games and fight for a wild card spot. If this team wins the West, give Payton COTY.

I love Herbert and the Chargers roster is super fun, but Brandon Staley is not an NFL head coach. If SAN DIEGO was smart, they would've fired him after blowing a 27-0 lead last year in the Wild Card round. The Chargers should be good on paper, but they seem to always end up one of the most injured teams in the league. They'll be in the hunt, but I don't think they make the playoffs. I wouldn't be shocked if they start like 5-2 and miss the dance.

The Raiders are a disaster. Chandler Jones can't get into the weight room. I love Jimmy G, but I don't think he's a good fit for this team. He thrived in SF with an elite defense and the Raiders haven't had a good D since Howie Long. Josh McDaniels could end up back in New England by Thanksgiving.

I feel kinda lame picking the Cowboys, but I mean, it's fucking now or never for these guys. They've got all the talent in the world, and that's precisely why I'm flip-flopping again and picking the Eagles to repeat as division champs. I think losing Kellen Moore will hurt Dallas and Philly is as hungry as ever after getting so close last season. Mike McCarthy isn't a good head coach, and while I have Dallas making the playoffs, they'll go one-and-done like basically every year (they got a great matchup with the ghost of the Bucs last year). The Commies need to change their fucking name to the Red Hogs, and Gmen will be a solid squad, but I don't think they're heading back to the playoffs. Sorry, I procrastinated and need to get this out before kickoff. NFC analysis isn't my swag. I'm an AFL man.

I'm buying into the Lions hype. Jared Goff is solid; I love what Campbell's building there. I want the Lions to be good for their city and may be thinking with my heart more than my brain here. Justin Fields will take the next step as a passer. I love the DJ Moore addition for him. Minnesota falls back to earth after losing Cooks, Thielen, a few defensive pieces, and the Packers struggle with Jordan Love. I've seen people getting frisky and picking the Pack to win the division. I mean, maybe? I think they're too young, and while losing Rodgers could help the locker room,  I'm expecting a down year in Wisconsin.

Maybe it's my northern bias, but this division is the most irrelevant and inconsequential in the NFL this year. The AFC South is close, but the Jags should be so good they make up for it. I think any NFC South team could win this division with like 7 to 9 wins and frankly don't care who that team is, none of them are built to go deep in the playoffs.

New Orleans feels like the safest pick. I think Carr will do well in the Dome and defensively there's enough (#vague). Maybe Carolina will surprise some people with their offseason additions? Falcons and Bucs? I'm sure they'll score some points and give up even more. I'm not wasting anymore time talking about the NFC South.

​The 49ers are the most talented team in the NFL, and if Purdy didn't get hurt in the NFCCG, they could easily be the ones with a shiny Super Bowl ring. I'm kind of biased; they're my Madden team, and I LOVE Kittle like a cousin. Health is the key for every team, but the 49ers cannot afford to lose C-Mac, Kittle, etc, even though Shanahan is great at plugging guys in.

I'm sure Seattle will still be good. I love that Bobby Wagner is back. Geno's Renaissance was one of the best storylines in 2022; I hope he builds off it this season. The Seahawks will be a fringe playoff team again in 2023, but bringing back their '80s jerseys for throwbacks should inflate their record by a game or two.

The Rams are a mess. McVay has had a foot out the door even before they won it all. Arizona will be the worst team in the NFL by a decent margin. Gannon is going to end up being this year's Nate Hackett.

P.S.

I love how there's more football now with the 17-game season, but especially with the league starting on 9/7...I fucking hate how it ruined NFL record math. I wanna say 3-13, 12-4, 8-8, etc. so badly....but nope..it's this ugly 10-7 BS. By the time I'm finally used it, the 18-game season will have started, but at least then they'll be an even number of games.

IMO, "Eminence Front" is The Who's second best song ("Who Are You?"). It kicks ass. Pete Townshend absolutely rules. The attached live cut has been a go-to for ya boi on the bike at PF my last few sessions. Football's fucking back, baby!!!!