On Friday, February 26th, 2021, dozonlife.com turned five years old and in perfect DOL fashion; I did nothing to recognize that fact. Maybe it's because I genuinely didn't know the exact DOL B-day and just wanted to relax after work on Friday? Maybe it's because of my own unhappiness? Idk, but we're not diving into that in paragraph #1 (but we will)!

Despite having so few followers that I could invite them all to a hypothetical wedding (not mine,,, I'm fat & alone; FUCK I'm supposed to stop doing this..) and not break COVID protocols, after all these blogs I've written since February 26th, 2016, there's one that to this day still gets clicks every. single. week. I don't have it promoted, I haven't really referenced it much over the years, but it still gets "sizable" clicks on the DOL scale.

It's called Jonah Hill Fattest Movie Performance Power Rankings (my next blog after this further breaks down how the views for the Super Bowl logo blog went up so much) and is exactly what you'd expect; a blog breaking down Jonah Hill's acting roles from least-fat to fattest. 

That was one of the first 10 or so blogs I wrote (you can tell by the quality) on DOL and, in many ways, was one of the ideas that inspired me to start this website finally. At 24, I thought that topic was hilarious. I worked in a kitchen at the time, and conversations like Jonah Hill's fattest roles were just par for the course in a room full of 20-something pizza guys trying to make the shift go quicker. 

So I find it super ironic that on the 5th anniversary of the first DOL post, the subject of one of my most "popular" blogs, Jonah Hill, posted this to his Instagram about his battle with acceptance, loving himself and his body after over 15 years in the public's eye.

Reading that post in bed Friday night was my eureka moment for why my rinky-dink, nothing blog still gets views on a five-year-old post; it's because people are fucking obsessed with Jonah Hill and his struggles with obesity, to the point where even I'm feeling the trickle-down. The dude can't even be shirtless to dry his body, which is one of the most common and effective ways to dry oneself without the tabloids making it a thing. I know he's rich, so most people will have zero empathy, but that's gotta fucking suck.

Now, I've hated the body positivity movement for years because I've battled obesity my entire life; I know how much it sucks and makes life less enjoyable. I don't like breathing like I just fought 12 rounds after going up 12 steps. I fundamentally disagree with the idea that it's "okay to be fat", but maybe I was wrong with my interpretation of what body positivity actually is?

I think it's kind of like the whole "defund the police" stance (yep, we're going there) that's been brought to the forefront of public consciousness with all the racial injustices of the last 1-400 years in this country

When I heard that last summer, I was like, "ahhh Idk about that one" because while I do wholeheartedly agree America's police need major reform, I don't think society can work without some sort of law enforcement. When you hear that term, it's easy to assume people mean completely defund the police, but I quickly learned that "defund the police" doesn't mean take the entire police budgets away or completely abolish law enforcement; it's about reallocating resources, which is something I am 100% on board with. So in that same sense of being incorrect with what "defund the police" meant, was I completely wrong with my interpretation of what it actually means to be body positive?

I think back on my life and struggles with my weight. Was I lashing out at the body positivity movement because I was unhappy as who I was, and it pissed me off to see other fats so happy? Was I jealous that other fat people were in loving relationships with non-fats? Was I envious of fat people who were commercially successful? Was I angry with myself for knowing what I was doing was wrong but not being able to stop myself from shoveling food down my throat? Was I becoming the Candice Owens of fat people? Because I have started to change my stance on the topic, and I can thank Jonah for that. You should love yourself no matter what you currently look like; I agree with that in theory; I just struggle to practice it in reality.

Yes, it's bad to be morbidly obese, but you should love yourself no matter your size, and that's something I (and millions of other people) haven't been able to do. Whether I'm 230, 370, or 420 pounds doesn't change how good a person I am or how much I matter, but to me, that's exactly what it means. I'm a textbook fat guy who uses self-deprecating comedy as a weapon to take power away from others; it's how you survive four middle schools in four years. Now, after a couple of years of therapy, I've seen how much it's manifested into my depression and lack of self-worth. It's one of my major reasons I haven't put out as much content the last year. I hate how I can't control my binge eating and feel like a worthless piece of shit for not controlling it. I tried to use my "ability" to my advantage last year on March 7th with the #43Burger challenge, which ironically was four years to the day after writing the Jonah Hill blog.

After seeing that post, I'm jealous of Jonah Hill. Not because of the Oscar nominations, bank account or celebrity status, but because he is happy in his own shoes being him (but also the other stuff). It's taken him 37 years to get there. I cannot say that I'm there yet, but I hope it doesn't take me that long; I'm sure a lot of other fat people are still feeling that way too, but maybe he'll inspire a couple of 12-year-olds not to be weighed down by their wet t-shirt in a body of water? I mean, that post got me to really reconsider how I thought about the topic of body positivity. The message of love and not being afraid to live your life is something all people should get behind. I can remember being one of the kids with his shirt on at the beach or in the pool, so I completely get where he's coming from.

I still can't wrap my head around someone as famous as Jonah Hill was wearing a shirt in the water, but when I think about how millions of other people or I have talked about him in the past, it doesn't take Freud to figure out why he felt that way. I wrote that blog five years ago partly because I understood how hard it is to maintain a healthy weight, and that was BEFORE I lost 120 lbs, gained back 80, lost 70, then gained 90.

I give Jonah all the credit in the world for sticking it to the tabloids and finding his inner happiness regardless of what his outer shell currently looks like. Dead ass, good for him. I'm happy to consider myself a fan of his.

Despite everything I just wrote, like what Jonah said, this isn't a "feel bad for me post." Like him, I'm trying to use my platform (albeit microscopic compared to him) to tell others it's okay to be you, that you should love yourself no matter what (unless you're a violent criminal or Yankee fan), and to admit that my train of thought had been off the tracks. Sorry, Lizzo!

P.S.

I'm sorry I mislead the readers in my song of the day post. This will be my last blog of the day. I didn't think this would take me so long, but there was a lot of shit to unpack. The story of the Super Bowl logo blog's uptick will come tomorrow or Tuesday.

Song: I Don't Want to Wait (1997)
Artist: Paula Cole
Album: This Fire 

Ya boi has been on absolute 90's female pop-rock/rock bender the last 72ish hours and I don't want to wait 'til I'm exhausted tomorrow, af-ter another poor night of sleep in anticipation of wasting more of my life in a job I hateeee.  So I'll attack Sunday Scaries with at least two blogs that I hope you read! #HireDozo

Some days I stress myself into a panic trying to figure out what topic(s) I'm going to blog after wasting another day of my life not writing for Barstool Sports as a long-term substitute in one of the worst school districts in America. Today was not one of those days.

​The Mr. Potato Head brand will soon be known as simply "Potato Head."

​Twitter:

Frankly, the timing of this story breaking less than a day after an elected congressperson with her pea-size brain and catcher's mask face spread bigotry and pseudoscience throughout the Capitol across the hall from the mother of trans kid is nothing short of predominant.

Now, there's no denying this whole story of the Potato Heads was confusing AF at first because the media coverage made it seem like Hasbro was killing off Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head like it's 1840's Ireland for a gender-neutral they/them Potato.

Admittedly, this annoyed me at first, too; I was like, there's no reason to get rid of them to create a non-binary potato; why can't they all coexist? Plus, I knew it was ammunition for the right to complain and deny humans equal rights as "woke overkill" by a fucking toy company. 

A much better tweet.

But then, after figuratively an ounce of research, the move actually makes a tot of sense. Before, a Mrs. Potato Head was a "Mrs. Potato Head-Mr. Potato Head" doll. Super wordy and unnecessary, like a lot of my paragraphs. Trim that fat! Now they're both just Potato Heads and have much more fun and vibrant packaging.​

Hasbro then made it clear that Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head aren't going anywhere; the brand is just dropping the "Mr." to become simply "Potato Head."

via: Hasbro
​
Hasbro is officially renaming the MR. POTATO HEAD brand to POTATO HEAD to better reflect the full line. But rest assured, the iconic MR. and MRS. POTATO HEAD characters aren’t going anywhere and will remain MR. and MRS. POTATO HEAD.

Launching this Fall, the CREATE YOUR POTATO HEAD FAMILY is a celebration of the many faces of families allowing kids to imagine and create their own Potato Head family with 2 large potato bodies, 1 small potato body, and 42 accessories. The possibilities to create your own families are endless with mixing and mashing all the parts and pieces.

CREATE YOUR POTATO HEAD FAMILY is compatible with most standard Potato Head offerings and is a great addition to your Potato Head collection for kids ages 2 and up.
​
Potato Head has provided endless creative possibilities to our preschoolers for almost 70 years and will continue to do so with the new CREATE YOUR POTATO HEAD FAMILY.

​

This really is a fucking genius move by Hasbro. I'm proud of this Rhode Island company!! Unless you've watched one of the four Toy Story's recently, when was the last time you thought about a Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head doll? 

I can't even remember the last time I saw one in real life. Now they're gonna sell sooooo many goT damn potatoes.

I used to be someone who didn't understand the differences between sex and gender. I thought there were only two genders, and I was ignorant in my ways. Gender is all about identity and expression, not genitalia, and I am a personal freedom guy, so do you. Men, women, and everything in between should be able to live how they want. My stance has always been as long as you aren't hurting other people, do whatever the fuck you want. If not identifying as a man or woman will make you happier and a more productive human-being, I say go for it. Love, Dozo (he/him)

Maybe the problem is many people haven't been exposed to trans/non-binary people before (or at least you didn't know) in real life? Cause if you have and still decide to treat them as subhuman, you're garbage. I've had trans and non-binary students before. One time when I was subbing, I had a transgender student whose (who's?) name hadn't been updated on the roster, so I used her old name during attendance because it was my first time in this class; how tf was I supposed to know? I felt so shitty that I actually complained to the school to fix that so it wouldn't happen again (hashtag good guy). I currently have a non-binary student who prefers us to use they/them pronouns. Since I'm a halfway decent person, I respect that. Do I understand how tf that actually works from a grammatical standpoint? Of course not, but I still have to look up the difference between affect and effect every time I use it and am only half-joking when I second-guessed myself with a (who's?).

I just cannot wrap my head around people actually getting worked up about this. I'm not talking about those confused in the beginning, I'm talking about the people so passionate about being scumbags because they think their magic man in the sky gives a fuck if a dude wears a dress or a girl has a fade. This is bread and circuses 101. How can you have the energy to actually care about this when literally millions of things are more important? For example, 500,000+ Americans are dead from COVID because selfish ass holes don't know the difference between freedom and having a functioning brain. We're not even two months out on an ATTACK on the United States Capitol by domestic terrorists. There are still thousands of people in Texas without power because of corporate greed and stupidity. The planet is being destroyed and ruined for future generations because of corporate greed and stupidity. We have regular people who are against a LIVING wage for all people because of corporate greed and stupidity. American education is in the toilet; I work in a school that was built in 1938 with heat that only works in half the rooms, and in those runs, it's 140 degrees. The Celtics are 7-14 in their last 21 games. Need I go on?

If you boycott Hasbro, have an issue with this change that will no have negative ramifications to rational people, or genuinely got upset by it for more than a millisecond, you are a loser; like dudes who pay for dick ratings on OnlyFans, you should not be allowed to vote.

P.S.

S/o anybody who stuck an old Mr. Potato Head mustache into their nostrils as a kid to try and get the mustache to stick to their face. I definitely never did that.

P.S.

Even when I factor in romanticizing the past/my childhood, The Pokémon Theme Song is one of the best TV theme songs of all-time. You teach me and I'll teach youuuuuu. Pooookeeeeémon!

Double P.S.

If you call it Pok​éman, fuck you.

Yes, the Celtics have two All-Stars, but they also have a losing record for the first time since they were 1-2 after falling to the Dallas Mavericks last night, 110-107.

This absolute mess of a season has been disappointing, frustrating, and infuriating (give me all the negative adjectives) with countless ugly losses to subpar competition. Still, in a match-up of .500ish teams, you have to tip your cap to Luka. Dude hit a three to retake the lead with 15 seconds left in the 4th quarter, then hit a game-winner essentially as time expired. Very rare!

Via: ESPN According to ESPN Stats & Information research, only one other player has hit a pair of go-ahead 3s in the final 30 seconds of a game over the past 25 seasons. Doncic joined the exclusive company of journeyman guard Dan Dickau, who accomplished the feat for the New Orleans Hornets in a Jan. 22, 2005, win over the LA Clippers.

Now I'll be the first to admit I don't watch a ton of non-Celtics games, and even when I do, they're usually on TV2 muted because I have to be looking at multiple screens at all times; I've seen Luka play before, but not a ton. Holy shit, what a final 30 seconds for that guy. THAT'S what a superstar does in the clutch. I apologize for not using the proper accents in this blog. Knowing Weebly, I am not tempting fate and having a blog full of hieroglyphics because they can't handle diacritics.
​ 
Let's work backward before watching Luka push the Celtics below .500; the game was tied at 87 following a Time Lord put-back SLAM.

(side note: read that in styling of Time Has Come Today)

The Mavs went on a 14-2 run to take a 101-89 lead with 3:56 remaining. The C's weren't scoring, but when they did, it was pretty siiick between that Time Lord put-back and a Jaylen floater that would've hit the scoreboard if this game was played at Cowboys Stadium.

At this point, I was considering sprinkling Celtics live ML since I knew the odds would be pretty favorable and eventually got it in after the Kemba four-point play.

After the Celtics called a timeout following a Jalen Brunson three, they went on a 16-3 run to retake the lead 105-104 following a Jalen Brown 13 footer.  It was super encouraging to see the C's fight back and make some clutch plays, but then Luka put Daniel Theis in a fucking blender to wash it all away.

The C's went down and tied the game on Jaylen's lay-up. I don't want Jaylen's late-game lead-taking and game-tying shots to get lost in the shuffle. V clutch from JB, even though I was screaming, they left too much time..which they did, although you could easily argue they just got beat by a fantastic shot.

31/10/8 with two clutch threes in the last 15 seconds. Dude ate all night. Not exactly a coming-out party for a guy who's won ROY and is a two-time All-Star, but my goldfish brain is focused on what happened recently, and Luka is a bad mother fucker. Just gotta tip my cap to one of the best young players in the NBA. 

The C's are right back at again tonight against Atlanta (which will be on TV2 because of the Season Finale of Name That Tune), hopefully, Trae Young-Garfunkel doesn't have a similar performance, and the Celtics can get back to .500. Gotta finish strong in these next five games before the All-Star break. I'll sign up for 19-17 right now. Even with 16 losses at this point, I still believe in this team. We just need 2-4 more pieces and Brad to start holding guys accountable, perhaps even raising his voice.

I have technically posted this video before as it was featured in my "Remember the Name Arlo Parks" blog, but I do not care!  Based on views of this video and clicks on DOL, I'm not too sure my millions of loyal avoiders have checked it out, so I'm posting again.

Collapsed in Sunbeams is my favorite album of 2021 to this point. Arlo's sound is just so fucking cool. I know that's some elementary ass analysis, but it's exactly what her sound is. This bitch (in a respectful way) is just cool AF. Simple as that (s/o Kid Cudi). **gulps** Dare I even say, angelic? Listen to "Just Go" and try to say it doesn't sound like the personification of cool.

P.S.

A+ set design. THIS is how you incorporate social distancing without shoving "oh yea there's a pandemic going on" down our throats. It's nice to forget that and enjoy some art for a moment or two. Hopefully she's right and it won't hurt so much forever. 

Last year, both Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown played well enough to garner an invitation to the All-Star Game, but only Jayson was selected.

A yearish later, both of the Celtics' former #3 overall pick, Jay---'s are NBA All-Stars, according to NBA insider Shams Charania who leaked the All-Star reserves 29 minutes before the announcement show was scheduled to air on TNT.

While whether or not there should even be an All-Star Game is still up for debate, given how the C's season has gone so far I'm happy we have something to celebrate. It's a v cool moment for the C's two young stars.

After starting the season 8-3, before three straight games were postponed due to COVID, the Celtics are in a bit of a cold stretch at 15-15. They just lost on Sunday to the Pelicans in a game that saw them hold a 24 point third-quarter lead, but at least it wasn't the Eastern Conference Finals! ....

​The C's haven't won back-to-back games in nearly a month (January 24th vs. Cleveland and January 25th vs. Chicago), but for the most part, you cannot blame Tatum or Brown; both are stuffing the stat sheet this season. Jayson Tatum is averaging 26/7.1/4.6, and Jaylen is averaging 25.5/5.5/3.9. It's not their fault Marcus is out, and Brad Stevens just doesn't fuck with calling timeouts in dire situations.

Hopefully the recognition for great seasons by Jayson and Jaylen will inspire the Celtics to get back into the win column tonight against fellow All-Star, Luka Doncic and the Dallas Mavericks. 

P.S. Not too shabby. This franchise has had a few notable former players.

When news came out in November that the Black Keys were releasing a remastered 10th anniversary edition one of my all-time favorite albums, Brothers with two unreleased songs, I was so pumped that I never blogged about the unreleased songs until now.

​Despite being happy about new Black Keys music (at the time), I wasn't crazy about 2019's Let's Rock. It's okay, but didn't draw me back to listen straight through time and time again like Brothers or El Camino. The same cannot be said for "Keep My Name Outta Your Mouth". It's a straight up ass-kickin tune that just sounds like a tough guy  in a leather jacket come to life.

As someone born in 1991, with a sister and upwards of a dozen acquaintances born in 1993 seeing "1993-2021" is fucking me up big time

via: Variety

Daft Punk, one of the most influential and popular groups to emerge in the past 30 years, have announced their retirement via a video titled "Epilogue" posted Monday morning. The duo's longtime publicist, Kathryn Frazier, officially confirmed the split to Variety and declined to provide further details.

The eight-minute clip begins with a scene from the duo's 2006 film "Electroma" that features the pair, Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo --- who for many years have concealed their features behind a robot concept--- walking around the desert, wearing in their familiar space helmets and leather jackets. After a few moments, one of the members looks at the other, removes his jacket and reveals an energy pack on the back. The other touches a button on the pack. The first member walks away quickly, and then explodes.

The scene cuts to a sunset, or possibly a sunrise, as a choral version of the group's song "Touch" plays.

The song is from the duo's 2013 "Random Access Memories" album, which in many ways was a culmination of their career. The album, which included the global hit single "Get Lucky" won the Grammy Award for Best Album the following year. The duo has largely kept a low profile since then, with their most prominent work being a collaboration with the Weeknd on two songs from his 2016 album "Starboy," the title track and "I Feel It Coming."

While their rep declined to say whether the duo will continue working together under different names or whether other new projects are in the works, it seems likely, considering the group's famously contrarian and convention-mocking history, that they will continue to release music, videos and whatever other projects strike their fancy. It is even possible that this announcement could be the beginning of a new project.

Composed of Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter, French electronic duo, Daft Punk has retired/exploded after nearly 30 years of making music as depicted in their last video "Epilogue". The two met in 1987 while in school in Paris and originally began performing together as an indie-rock band named Darlin' (after the Beach Boys song) with future Phoenix guitarist/keyboardist and fellow Frenchman, Laurent Brancowitz.

I have never been a big EDM guy or claim to be a Daft Punk super fan, but as a blogger who loves the art of music, I have to pay my respects to the forefathers of a genre. I just never really got into that genre. TBH I used to bash it when I was younger, I was one of those "DJs just press buttons" ass holes as if guitar players don't just "touch strings" and Tame Impala isn't one of my favorite "bands". We don't need to unwrap the true POS pre-2018ish Dozo was right now.

Vineyard Nights singer DJ Bean's thought's on Daft Punk explain my stance marvelously; not super into them, but can appreciate them.

Many people (classic blogger speak when you have no concrete examples, but generally have an idea of something) credit Daft Punk with popularizing EDM. As someone whose dance moves make Dr. Loveless look like Usher, that genre just wasn't for me. Not to go full music hardo, but I can actually vaguely remember Daft Punk breaking onto the scene. When I was in 4th grade we had a show and tell day with CD's and someone actually brought in a copy of Discovery. "One More Time" was so huge that fuckin' elementary schoolers knew it. Since my brain makes no sense I can also remember three other featured CD's from that musical show and tell were Blink 182's Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, Alien Ant Farm's ANThology and Pink's M!ssundaztood.

Until super recently, like maaaybe three weeks ago, I had never heard the album in its entirety. One of my roommates has the vinyl for Discovery and all three of us vibed tf out to it within the last month.

(proof my roommate owns a copy of that album)

I mean no disrespect, but to me, Daft Punk was sort of like the electronic version of Santana since many of their songs (that I knew) featured someone else singing. 

When I think of Daft Punk, after Kraft Punk, Random Access Memories is what comes to mind. That was THE album of 2013 (literally, it won Album of the Year at the 2014 Grammys) and 2013 was my first 21 summer so it holds a special place in my heart. "Get Lucky" was on at every bar, probably four to nine times a night. To steal a phrase that wasn't as prevalent back then "that shit slapped". It was everywhere. Last year, Rolling Stone named it the 295th greatest album of all-time.

R.A.M. saw Daft Punk collaborate with artists like Niles Rodgers, Pharrell and Julian Casablancas, but I swear these dudes have worked with everybody under the sun. My personal favorites collabs are probably "Starboy" and "I Feel It Coming" from The Weeknd's 2016 album of the same name as the former, but  "Get Lucky" is pretty close to a perfect song.  They've been featured and sampled in countless songs too; perhaps most notably Kanye West's 2007 smash "Stronger". Plus, the only LCD Soundsystem song I know references Daft Punk in the title.

From what I've learned from friends today, Daft Punk hasn't released an album since and haven't toured in even longer, but as of now Daft Punk is no more; even though many people (oops I did it again) don't believe this is the last we'll hear of them. Not to recycle a reference that you like didn't  read on Friday, but the music these guys made over the years; I don't really listen to it. But the fact that they did it, I respect that. 

Congratulations on a fantastic career, Daft Punk. They didn't break up, they retired!

P.S.

Kraft Punk cannot die. Even if I spam it into the ground online, but I fucking LOVE Kraft Punk. It may be my favorite Eric Andre bit of all time. Makes me laugh every time. Fuck cringeworthy bios like "I'm just a Jim looking for a Pam", whenever I return to online dating I'm putting "Will you be my cheese wife?"

Credit to me for getting 5 likes (as 6:51PM est 2/22/21) with a typo.