Today was just another day. I was playing some friendly one on one with a buddy of mine earlier. Beautiful fall day, it's Halloween, I was (relatively) happy. Then I check my phone after dropping a heart breaker in hoops (I bounced back and dominated in the 2nd game...obviously) and I honestly couldn't believe what I read. "Jamie Collins traded to the Cleveland Browns for a 3rd round pick".
I re-read it like 20 times because I swore I wasn't see things correctly. I'm not a big reader so I figured I must've been reading it wrong, I mean there's no way the Patriots would move him, right? Like is there a second Jamie Collins on the Patriots that I don't know about? Nope, there was just one, #91 and I honestly do not understand this move at all. I know as Patriot fans we have lived by the motto "In Bill we Trust" for nearly two decades. Bill has made tons of moves that make you scratch your head, but still somehow end up working out for the Pats (for the most part) but this one I for the life of me will never understand. I know Collins is a free agent after the season and it turns out one of the main reasons he was traded is because he wanted "Von Miller" money. We've learned over the years that the Patriots aren't going to dedicate that kind of money to any single player regardless of their talents and I've accepted that. But here is the thing, 8 more games and the playoffs are way more valuable than a 3rd round compensatory pick from the Cleveland Browns. Fuck this building for the future bullshit, go for it NOW!!!! I know Brady has been playing great since he returned but it's only 4 games and he IS 39 years old. I love the man like a father but you never know what's going to happen in the future with him, keep your studs around him as long as possible. Get a ring this year. Plus had the Patriots kept Jamie Collins and let him walk after this season they still would've gotten a compensatory draft pick for him. Just in 2018 instead of 2017. So it looks like 1 more year of someone who's still in college is more valuable than Jamie Collins for a Super Bowl run? I just don't get it. Plus how is Jamie Collins only netting a 3rd round pick? He hasn't been outstanding this year but he's still one of the best linebackers in the entire league and we can only get a 3rd round pick? The Patriots basically threw him away like leftovers. Only rational reason I can think to make this move is to try to wake up guys in the lockeroom. Sure the Patriots are 7-1 but they still have their flaws, maybe Bill thought the guys were getting a little too comfortable or something? I don't know. I just fucking hate this trade. When the Patriots get upset at home in the AFC Championship game again in January let's look back on Halloween 2016.
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Happy Halloween! Song: I Put A Spell On You Artist: Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus  The 2016 Fall Classic begins tonight and I am very torn. I like both teams. They're both young, and a lot of fun to watch. This is a great match-up for baseball. While it's Chicago Cubs vs Cleveland Indians, the two teams with the longest active World Series victory droughts. It might as well be a Red Sox alumni game. You have the Chicago Cubs who were built by Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer, both former Red Sox executives. Theo was GM of the Red Sox when they broke their 86 year World Series drought, and then a few years later added a 2nd championship for good measure. The Cubs are led by ace pitcher, Jon Lester who's personal catcher is David Ross. Both former Red Sox World Series champions. Lester was traded away by the Red Sox after being a major reason they won a championship. John Lackey, the Cubs 4th starter was the other half of a 1-2 punch in 2013, with Lester that brought a title to Boston. Oh and Cubs star slugging first basemen Anthony Rizzo was drafted by the Red Sox and supposed to be their first basemen of the future. Then there's the Cleveland Indians who are of course managed by Terry Francona, who managed the Red Sox from 2004-2011. During his time he won two world series, NBD. ALCS MVP Andrew Miller pitched for the Red Sox from 2011-2014. Their first basemen, Mike Napoli was also a major piece of the 2013 Red Sox. Oh and they have Coco Crisp, who is still somehow alive, who played with the Sox from 2006-08 and won a World Series as well. Even if you don't follow baseball you probably know the Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908. It's what many call "the last great sports story". Beloved franchise, with solid history, who just has had an off-century, it happens. Well, now finally for the first time since 1945( a series they lost in 7 games) they are playing in the World Series. But even had they won they'd STILL have the longest active World Series drought. The team they face-off against, the Cleveland Indians isn't exactly on a historic hot streak either; they haven't won the World Series since 1948, and are making only their 3rd appearance since 1955. Either way a team that hasn't won a championship in nearly 70 years is going to. That is really cool, two fanbases who've been close, but have no sealed the deal in quite sometime. Going into the season the Cubs were the heavy favorite to make it here and win the whole thing. Last year they won 97 games and made it to the NLCS. They're young, they're loaded, they won 103 games this season, they were expected to be here. The same cannot be said for the Cleveland Indians. Although many believed they had what it takes to make the playoffs, going into the season not many had them coming out of the American League. Experts thought teams like the Red Sox, Blue Jays, Astros and Rangers all had a better shot. Well the tribe is here, miraculously. This Indians team is nowhere close to the team they went into the season with. They lost a lot of key guys to injury for long periods of time. Now many believe the adversity they faced is why they made it this far. I honestly have no feel whatsoever, and the fact that I'd be happy with either team winning makes it even harder to pick a side. My head says Cubs. I mean look at their team top to bottom, it's one of the most talented rosters ever assembled. Then entire National League starting infield in the All-Star game was Cubs. Their starting rotation 1-4 features two World Series heroes, a Cy Young winner, and this seasons ERA leader. They have a closer who throws 105 MPH. They have one of the most respected managers in baseball. They are a better team than the Indians 1 through 25. Then theres the Indians, nobody expected them to beat the Red Sox in the ALDS. They swept the Red Sox. Many picked the Blue Jays to beat the Indians in the ALCS. The Indians beat them 4-1. They went 7-1 against the best teams in the American League and did it very unconventionally. You look at their line-up and it doesn't scare you. They have 1 great starting pitcher, and then a bunch of nobodies. They're led by a future HOF manager and a nasty bullpen. It's been all about their bullpen. Maybe I shouldn't call it unconventional because it's very similar to the Royals of the last two World Series but the Indians are led by a lights out bullpen who has multiple guys who can give you multiple innings. The Indians have been slept on all season and postseason and they have no issue with that at all. So who do I like to win it all? Even as I type this I cannot decide, I want them both to win. But I'm going with who I've had all season, the Chicago Cubs and here is why. There's no way Cleveland is going to win two championships in one season. You can talk all the analytics you want, give me all the stats. I'm just going with common sense. This summer when the Cavs beat the Warriors it gave Cleveland it's first major championship since the Browns won an NFL Championship (PRE SUPER BOWL) in 1964. Cleveland is a loser city, that's just how it goes. It's the drive, the fumble, red-right 88, Jose Mesa, the Browns leaving, firing Bill Belichick, having Josh Beckett's ex sing the National Anthem, the Browns in general. I just cannot see them winning it all again. They aren't gonna go 51 years with no titles and then win 2 in six months, just won't happen. I love Tito and want him to succeed, and believe me if the Indians win I'll be very happy for them but I just don't see it coming. This miracle run has to end at some point and I think the best team in baseball, the Chicago Cubs is the team to do it. Cubs in 6. MVP: Anthony Rizzo.
Via: http://www.wpxi.com/news/national-news/ap-top-news/man-dressed-as-tree-arrested-for-blocking-traffic/460440223
PORTLAND, MAINE - Portland police arrested 30-year-old Asher Woodworth after he walked back-and-forth slowly through downtown traffic dressed as a tree.
When he refused to comply orders, police took him to jail on a misdemeanor charge of obstructing a public way. Police say Woodworth's motivation was to "see how people would react to his performance" and how it would "impact people's natural choreography." Woodworth was covered in dozens of evergreen branches, which police removed to locate his identification and make his face clear for a booking photo. A friend of the man says he was trying to study the city's traffic patterns.
This is the face of an ass hole. Probably a wicked baked ass holes, but an ass hole nonetheless.
Studying traffic patterns? What do you have a project due bro? You're fucking 30.
There's a lot of stupid stuff you can do that do that will piss someone off. I don't need to list them, we all get the point. We live in an outrage culture, that just how it goes. But dressing up as a tree and intentionally slowing down traffic will annoy everybody. Americans can't agree on a whole lot, but one thing I'd say most people can agree on no matter who they are is that traffic sucks and so does anything that slows you down when driving. I don't know a ton about the "real adult world" but one thing I do know is that everybody hates commuting to work. Doesn't matter who you are. Then this fucking guy decides he's gonna intentionally mess up traffic "to see how people would react to his performance" well buck-O what the hell did you think was going to happen? That has to be the dumbest reason to do something I've ever heard. I could've told you in two-seconds that people would get pissed and the cops would be called. What'd you think people would be happy they got held up? Have you ever been on earth before? You know I've never tried to rob a bank, but I have pretty good idea what would happen to me. Nobody thinks you're a hero or special, Asher. You're a dick. This cannot be the guys honest answer. "I wanna see how people would react" If that's actually the case then fuck you, Asher Woolworth Get the hell out of here you Mainer weirdo. Anybody who intentionally messes up traffic and people's commutes deserves a life sentence. No trial. Pre-crime city. If you intentionally slow people down it's a wrap. You know how they say killing animals, and bed-wetting at adult ages are signs you may be a sociopath? Well add intentionally slowing people down to that. You cannot trust this man. You made your tree bed, now sleep in it, guy. You are a shitty person who doesn't deserve to be on the streets with normal people. Nobody wants any part of your BS "performance". You wanna perform? Learn the guitar and annoy some hipsters in a coffee shop with your cover of Wonderwall. Because that's exactly what you look like. Honestly what did expect people to do? Did you think that people would be happy? That you'd be praised? That people would be moved by your "performance"? You wanted to "impact people's natural choreography"? Who even talks like that? Do me a favor, go back into the woods where you found your tree suit and blow your brains out. The world would be a better place without you. P.S. No matter who big of an ass hole this guy is, there's no denying that seeing a picture of actual police officers apprehend a tree is hilarious. Still hate this guy though. 
Song: Swing, Swing Artist: The All-American Rejects Album: The All-American Rejects
What gives?
CLEVELAND (AP) — Wild Thing will have to stay in the bullpen during the World Series.
While actor Charlie Sheen, who played Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn in the movie "Major League" offered to throw out the ceremonial first pitch before one of this year's World Series games, Major League Baseball said the choices have already been made. A spokesman told the AP on Friday that MLB has worked with the Indians to identify "former franchise greats" to throw out the first pitch for the games in Cleveland. An announcement is expected early next week. The Indians host Games 1 and 2 on Tuesday and Wednesday. If necessary, Cleveland will host Games 6 and 7 on Nov. 1-2. There had been a movement by fans on social media for Sheen to throw the first pitch and be part of the pregame festivities. Sheen got wind of the buzz and responded on Twitter, posting a photo of himself as Vaughn in his Indians uniform and wrote, "Major League continues to be the gift that keeps on giving! if called upon, I'd be honored." Sheen made an appearance during the playoffs at Dodger Stadium on Wednesday when the Chicago Cubs beat Los Angeles in Game 4 of the NL Championship Series. Released in 1989, "Major League" is a fictional account of the Indians finishing in first place with an unconventional group of players including Vaughn, who struggled to find the strike zone and warmed up to "Wild Thing," a No. 1 hit song in 1966 by The Troggs. The real Cleveland Indians, who overcame injuries to win the AL Central, before knocking off Boston and Toronto in the playoffs, took a page from "Major League" this season. Slugger Mike Napoli and second baseman Jason Kipnis constructed a shrine in an empty clubhouse stall between their lockers like one in the movie. In the film, character Pedro Cerrano practices Voodoo and prays to an idol named, "Jobu" to help him hit curveballs. Like Cerrano, Napoli and Kipnis have their own "Jobu" and have left gifts, including small bottles of rum and cigars, to keep them out of hitting slumps. What a HUGE missed opportunity here by Major League Baseball and the Cleveland Indians.....Shouldn't shock me though, MLB is incredibly bad at marketing its brand. Like who is the face of MLB? I honestly can't even answer it. I know the Angels suck but the fact that Mike Trout is never on tv is madness. They don't market young stars, they do little to make the game for fun and interesting for younger people and then they wonder why ratings go down. Like the fact that they have playoff games on TBS is a disgrace. Well, Major League Baseball continued to mess up yet again by denying all of America a chance to see Charlie Sheen come out dressed as Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn for the World Series. This is such a slam dunk "yes" decision how do you mess it up??? Obviously game 1 of the World Series is going to have a ton of eyes on it but if you don't think more people would tune in to see Wild Thing whip in "the terminator" you're out of your mind. A MLB spokesperson said they already have "Indians Legends" lined up to throw out the 1st pitch for games 1 and 2. Look I'm not trying to shit on the Indians because truth be told I have nothing against their franchise. In fact, I actually kinda like them. I love Terry Francona. They have a bunch of ex Red Sox guys who I like. They have a bunch of other guys I like too, Kipnis is a great player (He's no Pedroia but still pretty good). They're a really fun team, and (I know it's not PC to say but) I love their uniforms, I think the blue Indians jersey is one the best in baseball. But it's also the Cleveland Indians. It's not like they have a ton of history. I know a thing or two about baseball history but I couldn't tell you a thing about the Cleveland Indians from like 1955-1994. Who are they gonna have throw out the first pitch...Jim Thome? Albert Belle? Grady Sizemore? Other than the 90's Indians they really were pretty irrelevant for 40 years. Nobody from those World War II era Indians teams is still alive right? Like what Indians great could honestly top the Wild Thing? Major League is one of the best baseball movies of all time and it's one of the brightest moments in not just Cleveland Indians history but all of Cleveland sports history. Just because the Cavs just won and the Indians are in the World Series lets not act like Cleveland is dripping with successful years. Until June Cleveland hadn't had a championship 1964 oh and the Browns are 0-6. 
I also don't like this move by the Indians because when things are going well in sports you gotta just ride the wave and let whatever happens happen. If Charlie Sheen asks to throw out the first pitch, you let him throw out the first pitch. Gotta keep the vibes positive (no pun intended), and stay hot. They've gone 7-1 to get to the World Series, dominating two of the best teams in baseball to do so. If Wild Thing Vaughn wants to fire up the Indian fans and (probably team since a few of them have stolen rituals from the movie) then you gotta let him. Just keep doing whatever works.
P.S. I'm no lawyer but Charlie couldn't totally sue and say he's being discriminated against because he's HIV positive? I know if I was I'd use that card 24/7, if you're gonna have HIV you might as well use it to be able to do whatever you want. Turn lemons into lemonade. Double P.S. If I'm the Dodgers or Cubs I'm 1000% doing whatever it takes to have Charlie Sheen to throw out the first pitch at game 3 just by the off chance that it someone curses the Indians for saying no to him. Song: Hands to Myself (Selena Gomez cover) Artist: Kings of Leon I'm a huge fan of cross genre covers. This sounds like it could be a Kings of Leon song. Caleb is the man. Gotta get to that show at the garden.
For the first time since the 98-99 season the Rams are ranked in the preseason. That's right, the URI Rams are expected to be one of the top (mid-major) programs in the country this year. You have go back to the golden age of URI basketball when they made 3 straight NCAA tournament appearances in the late 90's to see URI with a number in front of its name to start the season. #24 Rhode Island Rams. Looks nice. While it doesn't really mean anything before games are played I think it shows a lot about this program and what many expect to see this year in Kingston. URI was picked by almost everybody to make the NCAA tournament last season and end their over 15 year March Madness drought. Then before halftime of their first game the season felt over, as star point guard E.C. Matthews torn his ACL in their home opener against American. The Rams battled other injuries as well all season long and disappointed by finishing the 2015-16 season at 17-15. Now the pressure is on. It's going to be year 5 of Dan Hurley at URI. He was expected to be the man who brought this program back on the national level. It hasn't happened yet. While he has a pretty big excuse for last season, I believe now the pressure is truly on. I mean URI isn't going to fire him if they miss the tournament, but if this URI team cannot find it's way to meaningful March basketball then I think it is going to be a major disappointment for Hurley and the Rams. If this team wants to next the step in national relevance they have to make the NCAA tournament. While being ranked in the preseason guarantees nothing it sure is nice to see something good happen for URI athletics. Can't wait for the season to start. Anything less than an NCAA berth in my eyes is a failure. Song: Frequency Artist: Kid Cudi Album: Passion, Pain and Demon Slayin' Get well soon Scott. 
I was so shocked that this graphic that I left what I was doing and came home to blog this. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I hate outrage culture but I honestly have never been more outraged in my life and had to vent. I cannot believe our nation as a whole has such horrible taste. I'm a big fall guy (as in the season, not taking blame for your friends crimes, Cris Carter), I love the weather, the clothes, the beers, the activities, football and of course Halloween. Now Halloween is a lot more about drinking than it is candy at my age but believe me candy is still very important to me.
Now I've been a huge candy guy for most of my life, but since I lost 100 pounds obviously I cannot eat it as much as I like. I'm a big chocolate candy guy, I'll eat gummy stuff if it's offered but if I'm buying candy I'm going chocolate based over gummy 100 out of 100 times. So maybe I'm a little biased but let me get off my chest what I found funny and also found so wrong with these states "candy of choice"
Alabama: Airheads
Just funny to me that a state that most educated people associate with stupidity picked "airheads" as it's favorite candy. Also I don't think I've eaten an airhead in 15 years.
West Virginia: Oreos 
Now I get it, America is becoming more and more liberal everyday. Some is cool, some is not. If you wanna dress differently, be my guest. But are we just so chill with eliminating labels, roles and terminology now that we're gonna say an Oreo is a god damn candy? I'm not gonna let this slide. Is West Virginia really that stupid that they voted a fucking cookie as their favorite "halloween candy"? Now look I love Oreos, and you know what... I love ice cream too, but are we just gonna start calling anything with sugar in it candy?
Get out of here you sibling fucking, no running water, RV crashing country bumpkins. Saying an Oreo is your favorite candy is insanity. You know Oreo's slogan is "Milk's favorite cookie" right? Is your favorite band Forrest Gump too? Get the hell out of here. New Hampshire: Tootsie Rolls 
When I saw this I almost dropped my phone I was so shocked. I didn't even know people bought tootsie rolls. I honestly don't think I've ever even seen a tootsie roll for sale in my entire life. Like I feel like it'd be a project for me to leave my house and find them at a store. They sort of just show up. They're are a part play-doh, part chocolate, part garbage.
Only time I've ever had tootsie rolls was in elementary school when teachers would buy bags of like 3000 tootsie rolls to give out to kids in class as a reward. Maybe the worst reward of all time. If you would rather have a tootsie roll than a snickers or some other conventional candy you are a lunatic. I'm vowing now to never eat another tootsie roll in my life out of respect to real candy. Oklahoma: M&M's 
Don't get me wrong, M&M's are a fine candy but they're so plain and boring it's like a child picked it. Is everybody in Oklahoma 8 years old? Regular M&M's aren't even the best kind of M&M's. Also they're low key wicked gross unless you buy a bag for yourself, because when I think M&M's I think of a bowl at someone's house that 100 people have put their grubby fingers in. I'm all set with catching the flu. A bowl of M&M's is like a petri bowl of chocolate and thin candy shells. There's just sooooooo many more candies out there and you're gonna pick plain old M&M's? If this was a poll of favorite pizza toppings Oklahoma would definitely say plain cheese. Which again is solid; but grow up and expand your pallet for me one time.
Utah: Nerds 
Nerds are a lot like Tootsie Rolls where I didn't even realize people went out of their way to buy them. Like who craves Nerds?
Makes sense that such a weird state like Utah would love Nerds. Maybe it's a Mormon thing? Do they even sell Nerds are like convenient stores and gas stations? Only time I've ever seen Nerds around are in like those rip-off candy stores at malls where it's like $8.99 for a quarter pound of candy. Also Nerds suck. Why eat nerds when you could just eat gravel? It's basically the same thing.
Maryland and Vermont: Almond Joy
I refuse to believe people actually enjoy Almond Joys. Same with Kale. At least I can understand that because it has redeeming health qualities. What does Almond Joy bring to the table besides absolutely nothing? How these are still in production along with their even worst sister candy "Mounds" is beyond me. If you offer me an Almond Joy you might as well just punch me in the face because that must be what you think of me as a human.
Arizona: Tolberone 
Now in Arizona's defense I don't even think I've ever had Tolberone. It could be fantastic. I'm just not a fan of any candy that looks like the teeth of a power saw I don't need to cut my tongue on some Swiss chocolate.
Connecticut: Reese's 
Now Reese's are my favorite Candy and it's not even close. They're the GOAT. But see I do not like Connecticut at all. Connecticut is ass. They can't decide if they wanna be New York or New England and I don't need those dicks stealing MY home state of Rhode Island's favorite Candy. People in Connecticut shouldn't be allowed experience Reese's. They have no identity so they just cheated off of our survey. Pretty interesting that Connecticut is the only state with the same answer as it's direct border state. I'm on to you.
Kentucky: Whoppers 
For my money, Whoppers are the grossest "candy" on earth. Sometimes they come in a weird milk box container. I just fucking hate these things. Whoppers are basically balls of chalk covered in crappy chocolate. If you enjoy Whoppers you have horrible taste. No effort to try to be funny here, you just straight like shitty candy. If it was up to me Whoppers would've gone out of production the second after I had my first one. I'd love to have a whopper fan explain to me what they find appealing about eating chocolate covered chalk.
Georgia: Pixy Stix & New York: Sweet Tarts
These two states don't even get their own posts. Both candies are for 4th graders. Just straight up sugar nothing else. Pixy Stix are literally just sugar and food coloring I think I could make them right now if I really wanted too. If you're an adult and eat either of these you're a joke. I know he has his movies and everything, but Wonka Candy's as a whole as garbage.
Oregon, Wyoming, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina: Candy Corn 
Candy Corn is vile. I have a theory that they make one new batch every 10 years and just use that until they run out. Have you eaten Candy Corn recently? It's tastes like it's been sitting out in the open air for a decade. I'm trying to be less judgmental but if you like Candy Corn idk if I can be friends with you. (If you're a girl and hot I'm willing to reconsider). I'd rather eat any vegetable on earth than Candy Corn.
What I found really interesting is how many different states really enjoy this aged plastic. Oregon and Texas have about as much in common with each other as Israel and Palestine yet they both have agreed to love horrible candy.
So that sums up what I think is wrong with America's taste in Candy as whole. I'd love to keep going and have a better ending but I need to go to my job because these blogs still do not pay the bills.
I hope you enjoyed and got a decent laugh. Feel free to start comment wars debating why I'm right or wrong and what candies you think are bad. |
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