I haven't come close to watching nine full innings this year, but no matter how scummy the Boston Red Sox ownership group is, I'll always love the game. Thanks to a T-Mobile Tuesday promo, I have MLB.tv (that I haven't used because they block out local teams like it's 1965 NFL broadcasts..real smart move!) and get some notifications from the app that give me a general idea of what's going on around the league. I've contemplated biting the bullet and getting NESN360 to get back into the Sox (I do miss baseball), but I really don't wanna support those scumbags. It's such a joke that NESN isn't on YoutubeTV anymore.
Tonight was a special night in the 162 grind. Mark Appel, the first overall selection in the 2013 MLB Draft, made his Major League debut. For those of you looking for a Doz on my life-time-reference, I was 21 years old and a Junior at the University of Rhode Island when the Astros took Appel 1,1. To go full circle before diving into this remarkable story of perseverance, those mother fuckers at URI really tried to get more money out of me yesterday. At least wait until I'm #HIREDdozo.
But this is Mark's moment, and it was an awesome one. I didn't even realize he made a comeback until seeing his name on Twitter the other day. I had no clue he was even in the minors.
Due to injuries and underperforming, Mark Appel was out of baseball entirely in 2018. Some called him the biggest bust in MLB history.
Quick dive into busts, I listened to the Ryan Leaf podcast aptly titled "BUST" earlier this year, and it's a must-listen. Busts are such a fascinating concept. You're still one of the top people in your field on the planet, but you also fucking stink and more than likely let a lot of people down (at least Appel got his money). That's a blog for another day, we're talking about tonight.
Tonight, over nine years after getting drafted a spot before 2016 NL MVP Kris Bryant, Mark Appel finally appeared in a Major League game, pitching a scoreless 9th inning (with a strikeout) for the Phillies in a 4-1 loss.
I mean, this is just an incredible story of perseverance that had to get a DOL shoutout (it's now 2:55 am NBD). This tweet links to a thread explaining his journey and lessons he's learned along the way.
I respect tf out of Appel for grinding his way to the Majors after going down as one of the biggest letdowns in sports history. Most people don't give a fuck about the MLB Draft; it's not nearly as hyped up and commercialized as the NFL or NBA Drafts. Disappointments usually go pretty under the radar, but that was not the case with Mark Appel. Six picks after the Astros took Appel, the Red Sox drafted Trey Ball 7th overall; he still hasn't pitched in the big leagues, but like 98.9% of this country doesn't know he exists. If the 7th overall pick in the NFL Draft never played a down, he'd be a household name.
But anyway, it's late, and I'm getting off track. Don't get it twisted; I'm not shitting on Appel at all. I love this story. As someone chasing his writing dreams, I have nothing but respect for Mark Appel for not giving up. He's only 30, which everybody tells me is still young. Who's to say this story doesn't have an even happier ending with Appel playing long enough to get past arbitration?
As for his actual production on the mound, I have no clue what he throws or if he'll stay in the bigs. His minor league numbers this year are pretty impressive: 1.61 era with a 0.93 whip in 28.0 innings. Look at me not even mentioning the 5-0 part first despite wanting to sooo badly.
After his debut, Appel spoke with MLB Network to explain how this moment felt for him. Such a bummer his parents weren't there!
Congrats on making it to the show, Mark. You've got a fan in Ole Dozo.
Song: Whataya Want from Me (2009)
Artist: Adam Lambert
Album: For Your Entertainment
Sorry for the lack of blogs the last couple of days; it's officially prime time summer ubah season & I've been living on the roads. Unfortunately, my blogging production will be a tad less prolific over the next few weeks, but I'm glad to be behind the keys rn. It's 2:08 am, and I haven't even picked today's SOD yet as I type this, but I couldn't let PRIDE month end without a final homage to an LGBTQRSTUV+ artist. Of course, I can make little jokes like that because I'm low-key fluid. Plus, real equality is when all groups can joke about each other without fear. Joey Camasta is the best Barstool hire in a minute. He's fucking crushing Barstool vs. America.
As for Adam Lambert, this song is a BANGER. It still blows my mind that he hasn't had a more successful solo career. Dude has pipes for days. I guess filling in for Freddy Mercury isn't a bad fall back.
While I was busy driving around tourists and the few locals that haven't been displaced by every rental property in Newport & Middletown turning into an Airbnb, little ole Rhode Island had not one but two viral moments of violence! Rhody! Rhody! Rhody!
First, Friday night at an abortion rights protest at the State House, in a moment straight out of 2012's The Campaign, a police officer and Republican candidate for State Senate, Jeann Lugo, two-pieced Jennifer Rourke, a black woman in the face. That woman just so happens to be the Democratic candidate for the same position. Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
I'd like to think that no matter where you fall politically, men hitting women is a no-no, but apparently not for this piece of shit Republican candidate. Lugo has since withdrawn from the race and is currently on paid-leave from the Providence Police Department.
Not to be outdone early Sunday Morning, in my favorite part of the state, Newport, clips of cops using excessive force on Thames St. have gained hundreds of thousands of views.
Anyway you slice it, it's a bad look for the state. When's the last time Rhode Island was in the news? Hocus Pocus 2 filming in Newport? Now we've got two cases of viral violence in one weekend right at the start of peak tourist (and business) season. Sure they'll be plenty of boot lickers saying how hard cops have it and while I don't entirely disagree, this was clearly excessive and necessary. I know Thames St. can be a mad house in the summer and I do respect the cops who are genuinely trying to protect and serve the community, but this is an embarrassment. No attempt at de-escalation, just excessive use of force on an old cobblestone road. One cop pushed someone into a street light like they were a blocking sled and the other knocked out a dude posing no threat. Maybe I'm just romanticizing the past, but stories like this getting national news makes me miss the days of Curt Schilling bankrupting the state.
Song: Father Figure (1987)
Artist: George Michael
Thanks to the fascist right, there's gonna be plenty of unwanted children in the poorest pockets of our great country in need of father figures!
Twitter is a cesspool that I swim in for hours a day, but every once in a while, you'll come across a funny meme or uplifting story that makes watching the fall of humanity in real-time worth it.
As I debated how I wanted to approach this blog, I got a tad philosophical about the human race. There are plenty of different ways to divide us: age, race, gender identity, sex, favorite ice cream flavor, ethnicity, location, size, socio-economic status, etc.
You can spend well-earned money taking a personality test to figure out what four letters summarize your essence, but for the most part, nothing I just listed says anything about your as a quality human being.
As someone who actively tries to live the hashtag good guy lifestyle, in my humble opinion, being a good person basically comes down to whether you're empathetic or not. Do you care? Do you feel for your fellow human? Can you understand anything other than your exact predicaments in life?
I'm oversimplifying, but the point is all other positive or negative qualities branch off of the empathy tree.
So last night/technically this morning, I was scrolling Twitter in the bathroom (as is tradition) and came across this thread about a 73 year old Manchester United Football Club supporter and 28-year season ticket holder losing his tickets after missing a renewal deadline.
The cherry on top.
There are two ways to slice this, and which camp you fall into tells me everything I need to know about you.
#1. It's the old geezer's fault for not responding.
#2. It's fucked up that Man U treated someone who's dedicated 28 years as a season ticket holder without a shred of decency or loyalty. Think about all the money this person paid over that period.
Do you realize how long that is? 28 years is almost 92% of my life. That doesn't matter to Man U. They just threw him into the bin like rubbish. Who's next???
Maybe a 73 year old isn't tech savvy? But don't you dare say that because it's ageist!!!!!
Yes, plenty of older folks are technologically literate, but it's not the norm for someone under, idk 45? This response is fucking PERFECT.
This exchange is exactly what I'm talking about. We don't know what went down in this 73 year-old's life.
The older I get, the more I realize how fucked up life is due to manmade constructs. When I first got into sports, I'd side with the team over the player in contract negotiations. How dare they be so greedy? Little did I know I was blaming the wrong side.
Of course, Manchester United has every right to cancel these season tickets if payment wasn't received in time, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. As Robbie said, they had no problem exploiting this fan's heroism for their gain in 2016. Does that mean nothing?
Stories like this are why I fucking hate greed and unregulated capitalism. Man U is worth over 4.5 billion dollars. The Glazer family that owns the club also owns the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Without fans, your business is worthless, but because there are so many, these billionaire owners couldn't care less about the people responsible for their wealth.
My heart breaks for Robbie and his father. Loyal supporters for decades and the club literally couldn't care less. This was a cold, heartless move by Man U. "Well, we sent you an email."
The side of the aisle you fall on with this story tells me all I need to know about you as a person. Are you with the Chapmans or Man U? Do you have a shred of empathy or a conscious? Do you side with common folk or big business? Do you think it's good for society to allow companies to treat loyal customers this way? Would it have killed Man U to confirm with Robbie's father about the tickets? They have to have data about all their season ticket holders. You'd think someone with a soul along the way would be like, wait a second, this guy was in the same seats for 16 fucking years, and has been with us for 28. Let's make sure everything's alright. What if he fucking died? Would it kill a team to send a card giving their condolences and thanking them for all the support over the years instead of seeing him as a seat number? But it's probably all automated. Why would they pay someone a salary to ensure fans get treated like humans?
I'd conservatively guess that Mr. Chapman's given hundreds of thousands of dollars to this club in exchange for tickets over the last 28 years (not even accounting for food, drinks, souvenirs, etc.), but he misses one deadline, and it's over? Fuuuuck that. This story makes me so angry. I almost completely understand why scumbag Man U did this, but people having their back here rubs me the wrong fucking way, dude. I've gotten a little off track, but the point of this blog is if people were more empathetic, the world would be a better place and this Twitter thread perfectly illustrates both sides of that coin with those replies.
Sadly, greed and the love of power are all the ruling class cares about, and sometimes regular people take their side like fucking idiots. Fuck Manchester United and the Glazers. This is a terrible way to treat your supporters. I'm sure Liverpool and John Henry are dying for their chance to follow suit.
Just watch and it explains everything. LOL at the thumbnail. Jeff D. looks like he's on Hot Ones.
Song: In The Navy (1979)
Artist: Village People
Album: Go West
Propaganda never bopped so hard.
After a decade in "retirement," the best uniforms in the storied history of the New England Patriots are BACK, and they look fantastic.
Now, I've never seen Back to the Future or its two sequels, so I can't comment on how well they incorporated that family classic about nearly fucking your mother into this announcement, but boy, are these some sexy digs.
I know the Patriots' current uniforms are inspired by the classic Pat Patriot look, but they're uglier than the cab driver from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. The number font is terrible. All blues should be left for Miles Davis.
These ain't much better, kid, but last year in the Bills game after Christmas, Mac and a few other Patriots (I know Uche had one) wore the late 2010s version of the Patriots color-rush uniforms. They're still not my swag, but these jerseys are significantly better with the 2010s numbers.
But I'm delighted the official news of the Pats are bringing back the red tops came out today (even though we all knew it was coming) because it's a fabulous transition to a blog I've had in my head the last few days.
If you follow me, you know all about my current whip, the 'scape. I don't fw the current color, but I love my new, used car. It still has stickers from the previous owner that I need to remove and replace with stuff that's more me, but I've been waiting for the right moment. In case you already forgot, the Boston Celtics recently went on a lil' run to game six of the NBA Finals, so I was holding out, hoping to buy a 2022 NBA Champs bumper sticker to slap on the 'scape. Unfortunately, two wins are not enough to claim a championship, so I couldn't buy that sticker, for it does not exist.
I haaaate supporting Amazon, but I mean, it's probably the best bet for something like a sticker. I've tried stores and the selections stink. So over the weekend, while I was ubin, I started looking for some new stickers to put on the 'scape. I knew I for sure wanted a Celtics one and a throwback Pat Patriot three-point stance one. I get that the Patriots sucked for the majority of its run, but I love the Pat Patriot look. They're one of the best uniforms in NFL history, IMO. Chargers powder blues are better, but I think the Pats are right up there.
Anyway, I searched "throwback Patriots stickers" on Amazon, and because that word has been hijacked by the far-right, some non-football-related stickers came up. As terrifying as the fact that some people think hating minorities, science, the truth, and trying to whitewash history makes you a Patriot, that's not the case. A true Patriot should be critical of the problems in their country and want to fix them. You can love something and be critical of it. Like, I love being an American, but we have a significant gun problem that must be addressed; our health care system is a fucking joke, and it's absolute bull shit that potholes even exist.
I worry that someday, my favorite football team will have to change its name because of the word's negative connotation, thanks to wannabe fascists. A Patriot supports their country but doesn't break into the Capitol to overthrow a fair and free election or say blue lives matter in response to legit racism. This isn't Avatar; there are no blue lives, but you already knew that if you have a functioning brain. This blog's already getting a little fluffy, so let's dive into the
Top 10 Worst "Patriots" Stickers on Amazon
#10. "I Did That"
Do I love how high gas prices are right now? Of course not. I'm not some scumbag big oil douchebag exec that's gouging the fuck out of people to make up for lost profits from Covid. But if you have even an 80 IQ, you likely know that the President doesn't set gas prices, and the only reason prices were so low in early 2020 is because of the pandemic. These maga morons live in a fantasy world where gas was $1.28 in 2018. IT WASN'T. All Republicans have done during the Biden administration is block any progress in Congress so they can campaign on "what a failure sleepy Joe is." I don't fucking simp for Biden. I'd love a 54-year-old President instead, but when the choice is between two old fucks and one wants to be a dictator, I'm going with the sleepy head. If you want to blame anybody for gas prices, look at the GQP.
#9. United Brands of America
Don't worry; the whole list isn't political. I just don't understand what kind of Darren Rovell squid would want this sticker on their car, laptop, or water bottle or how this comes up when you search "Patriots sticker." Supporting Wal-Mart or FedEx is the furthest thing from "being a Patriot."
#8. "Foxtrot Juliet Bravo"
I love the irony of all these "fuck your feelings" people being too big of pussies to just say Fuck Biden. It's aggressive AF when you do see those stickers or flags in the rusted bed of a 17-year-old F150, but I can at least respect that over the "Let's Go Brandon" garbage. You're a fucking pussy if you say that. This sticker just gives me Bloodhound Gang vibes. Plus, it's dull and ugly. I just wanna know why these people hate Biden so much. Is it because Trump let 5,000 Taliban prisoners go? Or because Trump fucked up the economy by giving the ultra-rich tax cuts?
I've wasted too much valuable time trying to figure out how this campy ass sticker got mixed up in these parts. Is this from a right-wing meme that I don't know? I love corndogs; they're superior. Actually, I should probably say "better" than traditional hot dogs in this context, but who the fuck is buying this??? Who is this for?
#6. Skeleton Lady Liberty and a Weapon of War
For a group that hates transpeople, it's wild to see them remove all femininity from Lady Liberty to forcibly transition her to a quasi-Iron Maiden album cover in the name of Patriotism.
#5. "Trump Girl"
The conflicting fonts look worse than Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene. What does it exactly mean to be a Trump Girl? You don't want autonomy over your body? You wish we could go back to the days when you couldn't get into credit card debt because you weren't allowed to have one? Thank God these stickers didn't exist while Bush was in the Whitehouse.
#4. "My Dog is a Democrat. He Waits Around All Day And Expects Me to Feed Him"
I don't find this sticker offensive; I find it dangerous. Not because of the context, but how poorly it's fucking designed. There's way too much going on on the bottom line; it's like you're getting an eye exam. Fifty-two characters are far too many for one line of text on a bumper sticker, and this is coming from someone who once wrote 2000 words on That Thing You Do. Someone's gonna crash trying to decipher this. Best case scenario, someone realizes they need glasses.
#3. "If This Flag Offends You I'll Help You Pack"
Nothing says "it's a free country," like saying get out if you disagree with me. Plus, this is a bigger lie than that the election was "stolen," and reads like a 2011 meme. Helping people move sucks. I hope the next person I help move is my future kid into college. I'd love to see someone who bought this get called on their bull shit. You better have moving blankets and boxes ready to go, you fucking liars.
#2. "If You Dont Like Police Next Time Your In Trouble Call a Crackhead"
This sticker inspired the whole blog. I mean, it's maganificent. It blew me away at first glance. Of course there's the almost too on the nose misusage of "your," but it's just such right wing nonsense. What a fucking leap. Your only options are cops or crackheads?? I'm just trying to wrap my head around the type of person who would see this and un-ironically buy it. I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous this statement is in the name of Patriotism...mainly because I every time I see it I hear in my head the Stephen A. "WHO WAS ON CRACK!" voice. Go Rams.
#1. "Peace, Love, Trump"
Even his biggest Kool-Aid drinkers have to admit this sticker is fucking nuts. Peace, love, and Trump go together like arms, legs, and wood chippers. Which makes sense cause a wood chipper is more peaceful than that rambling moron. This sticker was actually part of a 50 pack, but deserves its own spot on the blog. Peace, Love, and Trump make about as much sense as water, bathtub, and toaster oven. Even Donald would tell you to your face that he's not a peace guy. The only peace he likes is a piece of that pussy without your consent.
That concludes the top 10 list. Search "Patriots stickers" on Amazon if you don't believe me. Go NEW ENGLAND Patriots. I can't wait to see those unis on the gridiron this fall!
BREAKING NEWS: #DozVsTheDozen Returns Today at 1 pm (still on my IG live) For a Very Special Dozo vs. Barstool Idol Match
The OFFICIAL #DozVsTheDozen RULES
Hello friends. It has been a WHILE since your boi dropped a #DVTD and since I'm writing this blog after 1 am, I'll try to be quick.
For Barstool Idol (yes, I applied), today at 1pm there will be an abbreviated eight-round match amongst the remaining six contestants. Even though my future employers dropped the ball worse than Wes Welker by not including me in the competition, I will still compete---no hard feelings like the Avett Bros. My time will come.
I wish I competed during the Dozen Tournament, but live tourneys are not my swag. It puts me at an even more bigger disadvantage than I already am by playing by myself with no partners, no phone a friend, no niche category, or the ability to score during the bonus round, which puts me at a two-point disadvantage. With matches ending once a team is mathematically dead, I could be down one with three rounds left on paper, but it's over. That's not what my viewers want! Plus, matches conflicted with the C's Finals run, and as much as I love the Dozen, I've been #BleedingGreen for 20 years.
Now, I'm guessing this will be a live show and not on skype, which sorta contradicts the last paragraph, but either way, I'll be there bright and early at 1:00 pm on my IG live: @dozonlife to showcase my trivia acumen and what Barstool is missing.
The ONLY place to catch LIVE airings of #DozVsTheDozen is on my IG, which again is @dozonlife. That's www.instagram.com/dozonlife. Show starts at 1 pm, so if viewership is low, we all know it's cause people were busy wasting away at their 9-5s. Can't wait to see ya in the comment section! I'll fill ya all in on what's good in my life on the stream. #HireDozo
Song: Closer to Fine (1989)
Artist: Indigo Girls
Album: Indigo Girls
TUNA, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! It's kinda bull shit that the clip of Andy and Jim drunk singing this isn't on Youtube or any other lesser known video sharing service.