 I'm starting this blog at 9:29 p.m. on April 1st, 2025, and feeling rather rusty since DOL is basically defunct at this point, so I apologize ahead of time if this blog is trash. I've covered a lot of this in my previous posts linked above and will try to keep it fresh (and relatively quick), so here we gooooooo.
One year ago today, I inadvertently started what would ultimately become 366 consecutive days (and counting) of exercise. I didn't set out to do this; it just happened—sort of like Forrest Gump's cross-country run. Since I've been very open and vulnerable throughout this ordeal, I figured I'd post the year update here instead of trying to fit it into an IG story. The pandemi moore set ya boi back about a decade; my highest documented weight was 426.6 pounds in June of '22. I was eating myself to death...a passive suicide, if you will. Then, in November of 2022, I started working out again and began the fight to regain my life. I'd film a brief video update before each workout (which I kept up with until my car accident on my sister's b-day). I worked out 2-5 times a week until I moved in October 2023 and basically washed away all the progress I had made up to that point in my latest bout of depression and regret. I wasn't in the best spot. For New Year's 2024, I decided I wouldn't have fast food, which lasted until mid-March when I was in Vegas for a bachelor party. I knew I needed to do something to get my health back on track but didn't really have a plan (in many ways I still don't!). Fast forward a couple of weeks...On Thursday, April 4th, 2024, I realized I had worked out every day in April and decided to keep it going for the entire month. That grew to 58 days, then 100 days, and ultimately a year. Now we're here. It feels a tad strange celebrating this accomplishment (even though it certainly is one...) because I am pretty upset with myself for not having better progress after all the work I've put in (a lot of it is self-inflicted, which we may get to), but mainly because of the state of the world rn. We're sprinting towards a full-fledged fascist regime. There's a genocide in the Middle East. Life is not super chill rn. Who gives a fuck about me and whether or not I biked while watching Blur music videos? I want to do things that actually matter and help people. Getting my health back is fantastic (however slowly), and it feels incredible to have people reach out and express their care. Still, I can't help but feel like I'm sitting around waiting to get shipped off to a camp, have my gorgeous locks painfully sheered off, and be a political prisoner in my own country because I know a little about history and have the balls to say fascism is wrong. So much has happened over this past year, and that's where I gravitate when thinking about 366+ days of exercise. Regardless, if I didn't lose a pound, it's still a solid show of willpower and determination that I hope can inspire others to better themselves. I'm numb to the number at this point. Sometimes, it feels like hitting 50 days was a bigger deal than 365. I haven't weighed myself. Partly because of fear, but mainly because I don't care. I just want to be healthy and look good. That said, I can't help but feel shitty. I want to be happier, but I'm miserable. In many ways, #everydaydoz is the glue holding my life together. Regardless of how rough a day is, what I've got going on event-wise, or how tired/depressed/broken I feel, I drag myself to PF (or occasionally the fitness center at my grandma's 55+ community) and put the work in. I know I'm gonna have to eventually take a day off, and like Forrest Gump, maybe one day I'll be like, okay, it's time to go home or whatever tf he said. Idk what the end game is. I think after 500 days, I may retire this bit, but who knows? I could be in a South American prison with other teachers well before then. Despite my anger about my decisions regarding fueling myself, I am proud of this accomplishment and will take a moment to smell the roses. You have to enjoy the ride, not just the destination. This bit has shown me that my willpower is still in place and that I am capable of more than I give myself credit for. I did this bit to hold myself accountable. There was a stretch in the early 2020s where I didn't allow myself to be photographed. I hated who I had become and was full of shame. I'm still pretty full of shame, but I at least have a little bit healthier of a relationship with myself and no longer avoid having my picture taken like a vampire. There have been plenty of days I hated how I looked, but I still posted. At the time, this was the best way for me to hold myself accountable to, at the very least, exercise if I'm still gonna eat like I'm on death row. I don't even know why I'm writing this other than to signify the one-year mark. DOL isn't dead, and I do wanna write more; I just don't have the emotional energy. If I'm not at work or the gym, there's a great chance I'm napping or trying to fall asleep. When I am conscious, I've used my free time to relax and try to escape the constant pain and fear that comes with living through a democratic backslide. But I wanna stop being afraid. I've let fear dictate my life, and I'm miserable. Like, am I fucking insane? What's wrong with me? I haven't even told the truth about a significant part of this bit being to show one person in particular how serious I am about bettering myself and that I'm worth investing in longterm. She said my size had nothing to do with it, and I believe her, but I want to feel good about myself. I had to change. Fuuuuck, there's so much I wanna say, but I'll stop. I guess we'll leave that in here and hope people speed-read past it. I just need to use my voice while I still can. Sure, it's wicked fucking frustrating as a writer, teacher, and human to try to help others and constantly be ignored or shit on, but I have to keep going. We all have to keep going. I don't know how many more days #everydaydoz will last, but it has taught me considerably about myself. I just hope I'm able to find healthier ways to deal with life's frustrations. I don't want to binge. Physically, I feel better than I have in years. I often find myself in a position that was impossible to achieve years ago. I'll end with what matters most, and that's other people. Connection. Community. Togetherness. I feel so disconnected from people and fucking hate it. There's a million reasons why and my fucked up self-esteem plays a part, but it just really feels nice to have people care. I'm awkward and afraid. I'm trying every day to better myself, even if there are plenty of days where simply surviving is a win. I just want to have more energy and the ability to impact the world positively. Thank you soooo much for your support and kind words. I won't say her name for privacy, but a friend Venmo'd me $36.50 for making it to a year. Her message and the thought made me tear up. It was so fucking kind of her. There are so many other people I would've never expected to have reached out. It truly means so much more than this blog could ever say. Thank you all for the support. I want to be there for you (and am), even if I've been too nervous to reach out. I know I've alienated some with my beliefs, but I will never stop fighting for what is right. I want a just world for all where the ruling class isn't ruining our lives for their financial gain. Thank you for reading this. I love you all. Stop fascism.
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When #everydaydoz organically began on April 4th, upon realizing I had gone to the gym every day in April, I never thought I'd be here now (Oasis, 1997) over 300 days later with the streak still intact. I've debated whether I should write something for the past few days. I did low-key say I would on the Day 300 post, but it's no secret I'm not as active on the keys as I once was.  It does feel good to be blogging again. Despite my inactivity, I miss it, but I also am like, "What's the fucking point?" let's call it... 53% of the time?
My priorities have also drastically shifted like Big Papi's at bat. Writing for my Barstool is no longer the only thing I'm chasing in life. I don't even follow them anymore, but that goal is why DOL started in the first place. So why share now? Am I finally folding? Was I ever even funny? I'm 33 and a real teacher without the emotional battery to write anymore (at least rn). Work is chaotic. The last two weeks have been an authoritarian circus. Time is a finite resource and between making exercise a priority and 2-4 HR depression naps, I simply chose mindless activities (putting up dumb numbies vs. the computer in Madden in my franchise mode while watching/listening to something on my laptop) in my free time over putting in the emotional energy it takes for me to write something I'm proud of. There's nothing left in my cup. Sure, #everydaydoz stories get a few likes here or there, but does anybody care about me or what I say? Do I even care at this point? My internal voice is beating the shit out of me rn as I dance around, finding an elegant way to say that it feels like everything around me feels is falling apart and that this is pointless. Sorry for being more nihilistic than usual. I promise this blog's vibe will turn around. It may not be fair to say because there are people in my life, but I feel so alone and unwanted. Part of that is surely my fucked up self-view, but I don't think I'm truly satisfied with the state of a single relationship in my life. I know I'm not blameless, and I've been working on myself...ya boi's been putting in the work both physically and emotionally, but despite multiple pills, anxiety can get the best of me (The Starting Line, 2003). I'm afraid to reach out to people I know love me. I hate how much fear dictates my life. Things would be soooo much chiller if I could be less afraid. I mean, look where it's gotten me. I've missed out on so much from being scared. My fear of rejection is rejecting me from living the life I want. I just want things to be better for everybody and fucking hate how much evil is prevailing right now, so excuse me if I feel a little weird writing this. It's like, why am I writing a blog about the fact that I've exercised for the last 305 days when the world is on fire and Nazi stock is thriving? It's because, deep down, I still hope to use my voice to teach, entertain, and inform. What is life without hope? If I inspire someone to better themselves, that's wonderful. Whatever you're battling, you are more capable than you give yourself credit for. Despite how shitty things may seem way too much of the time, I've kept going. 305 days and counting. You can too (in whatever way you may need rn). I hate phrasing it this way because it's so much more complex, but I wish I was "stronger" and made more thoughtful, healthier food choices. Unfortunately, at times, I can't control it. Food is an addiction that you can't just get sober with. What I can control is how active I am. Now, at the very least, if I end up emo-eating a sleeve of Ritz crackers at 3 am, it's after a day that I broke a sweat and did something "productive." That's undoubtedly better than emo-eating a sleeve of Ritz crackers at 3 am after not exercising! Soooo much has happened over these past 305 days (I'll spare you), and don't get me wrong, it is kinda wild to look back and see there wasn't a single day I let stop me, but I'm no longer really phased by it. I'm numb to the number. I just want to be healthy and happy. This bit is more like the string tying my mess of a life (that's actually improving a ton; I'm just super hard on myself and more so terrified of the state of things) together. I need this. It's how I keep myself accountable. "Can't let the haters win" and other cringe shit like that, ya know? Even if my results aren't where they should be with the work I've put in, this has been a great thing for me. My weight got out of control. In 2022, I was 426 pounds, and TBH, I was probably heavier; it just wasn't officially documented. This is me doing something about it. No more passive sui through food. There's nothing wrong with rest, but I don't want to. I am nowhere near where I want to be physically, and despite how it doesn't always feel that way.... every day is precious. I've wasted so much life and don't wanna waste anymore. No matter how bad a day is, I can move forward at least a little. That's what #everydaydoz means to me. I know eventually, I'll have to take a day off. I can't work out every day for the rest of my life; things come up, but I have to get to 365. That's been my goal for the last hundred days or so. Initially, it was all of April, then I thought about 58, then it was 100, now I wanna get to a year. I'm approaching 1000 rambling words, so I'll wrap this up with the most important thing: connection. After the getting slightly less fat part, that's the best parts of this bit. It's helped me feel closer to people. I hate caring about social media so much, but when you're a tad undiagnosed autistic with self-esteem and abandonment issues, you need something tangible to show you that people like you or even care if you're alive. I love it when moms of friends send me clapping emojis. I can always count on a like from Scar. Those likes tell you they saw this and didn't just click through. Words of encouragement fuel me for those days I wanna say "fuck it, what's the point?" and quit existing. I want to share the love that I've received with others. We could all use more love and good vibes in our lives rn. I'm sure I've alienated people with my wOkEnEsS but IDC. I'd rather be alone with conscious than not have a conscious. I'll never apologize for wanting people to not get exploited by the ruling class and believing that something better is possible for all of us. It blows my mind that that's controversial. Thanks for reading and even if we haven't spoken in a while I've got nothing but love for you. 
Previous Dozie's Brain Dumps:
April 24th, 2023 July 10th, 2023 August 9th, 2023 October 10th, 2023 February 29th, 2024 March 11th, 2024 April 10th, 2024 May 1st, 2024 Halloween 2024
As my much-needed five-day reprieve from work approaches it end, I lay on my bed with SNF on mute in the background, freshly showered, feeling like I owe it to myself and the people to write after claiming there was a 51% chance I would in my latest #everydaydoz post.
The time away from school/work was solidly enjoyable despite my anguish with myself lolol. I caught up on sleep, ate wayyyy too much cornbread, bro'd out a lil bit, and watched MY Rhody Rams win their first D-1AA playoff game in nearly 40 years, but I still feel awful.
Of course, there's the obvious. I was dumb enough to believe that the majority of Americans would do the right thing and not elect a convicted felon (34 times over) who's been not-so-subtly soft-launching fascism. Like, fuck me for actually getting my hopes up and wanting what's best for everybody, not just the ruling class. Apparently, attempted coups are not a deal breaker in every swing state, but that's not why I'm here. I didn't want to write this blog to bitch about how fucking stupid our country is (by design) and how terrified I am for the future. Yes, the after-effects of a surely on the up and up election with NO oligarchical (both home and abroad) interference certainly impacts my daily state of mind, but that's not why Dozie's here. Things seem to be going well in my personal life. I got a promotion and am no longer a long-term sub. Your boi is just a straight-up history teacher. It's far from an ideal situation, but I am doing all I can to make the best of it and try to positively impact my students' lives. I also got into a car accident (that was not my fault) going back to work as a straight-up history teacher after lunch a couple of weeks ago, and I should be getting a nice little settlement. Hashtag blessing in disguise...still, I'm the furthest thing from at peace. I've got about an hour before I start my wind-down process, and I have written about 8 blogs since May...why the fuck am I here? It's because I miss writing (especially "real" blogs..hopefully, I'll drop a non-brain dump soon). I have to get this shit out of my system, or I'm gonna explode. Idc who sees it (that's not true); I just have to let my brain dump without structured thoughts. Even if I no longer view my life as a failure if I never write for Barstool (which is a great and healthy thing), writing is still essential to who I am. I love writing. I should've been writing more this year, but I've been emotionally and physically exhausted and couldn't "work" during my free time. That was reserved for sleeping and playing 45+ seasons of Madden franchises to avoid facing reality. I keep thinking that maaaybe if I finally wrote something that broke through and convinced people to follow the path I have of realizing how fucked up (by design) everything is and that people actually have power if we come together (I know I'm really getting my run-on sentence swag going on rn, but bear with me...I've written like 8 blogs since May) then maybe things would be different. Then I think about how fucking egotistical it is (which is funny to me because most of the time I have absolutely no confidence in anything I do) that I could've made a difference, but Jeez, that's all I fucking want to do with my life, and it feels like I'm not. I can hear my therapist's voice telling me that's not true, but it doesn't change that I'm losing hope and man, do I fucking hate myself more than usual for being such a fucking scared little boy. I ate my feelings way too much this weekend because I'm afraid to go after it and truly live the life I want. I'm so fucking scared of getting hurt. Idk how much more hurt I can take in this life. I'm not even 33 for two more weeks, but I am worn down with life and I've had a privileged-ass life. IDK how others do it. How am I supposed to do this for another 40 years? I've done what I can to adapt. I've accepted that I'm not a priority in people's lives anymore. Fuck, maybe I never was, and it just took me this long to see it, but when the hell am I gonna be enough? I just want to be enough for people, and I have done soooo much to improve myself, but it's not enough. I really feel like I shouldn't post this now, but I've spent so much time writing I feel like I have to...idk. Man, I need to reassess the future of DOL and what I want to do creatively while navigating alone in a dying empire in late-stage capitalism. There's one person I wanted to reach out to all five-day weekend but never worked up the courage. I'm so torn on what to do and really don't wanna even bring her up on DOL out of respect for her, so I'm gonna stop but fuckkkkkk, has this been weighing on me, which is ironic because it's also what high key motivates me to keep going with #everydaydoz. I know I'm enough, but my brain loves to tell me otherwise. Fortunately, we don't have the time to go into that tonight. Oh, and Barmore just held soooo fucking hard on the Colts' two-point conversion attempt; that was some bull shit.
I guess it's fiiiine because of draft position, but it was still ass to lose like that. I'm sorry if this blog was ass. I've only written like 8 since May.
Previous Dozie's Brain Dumps:
April 24th, 2023 July 10th, 2023 August 9th, 2023 October 10th, 2023 February 29th, 2024 March 11th, 2024 April 10th, 2024 May 1st, 2024
Long time, no write. Full disclosure, your dude had five Jack & diets tn and am on my sad boi swag after getting quasi-dumped by the latest fly in my web.
TBH, I'm not stressing too much. It just sucks to hear that when every chick I meet is like, "You're so great, but I don't wanna ever see you ever again!" Would've been nice to make out a little tonight, but my heart's been focused elsewhere since late February. Nothing else matters until that is resolved, and I've been terrified to make a move. My indecision is eating me alive, but I don't know what to do. There have been plenty of signals that make me think there could still be something there, but I'm also trying to move on. I've tried to move on, like I didn't give another chick the time of day until July. Still, I would give anything for another chance to hang out with this incredible woman, and I genuinely believe we have what it takes to make it (even after only hanging out twice). She's taken up the bulk of my brain's real estate this year. I'm so torn on how to handle this situation and probably shouldn't be writing about it rn, especially while safely buzzed at home, but fuck it. I miss her so fucking much and hate myself for being too scared to truly go for it (in fear of how it'll affect me going forward).
I can't hold it anymore like my pee on a road trip. I'm not ashamed to say I love and miss her more than I've ever missed anything. If I had 10 minutes to live, I'd want to spend them with her. Who knows if she'll see this...nobody reads DOL, and I've abandoned my Barstool dreams, so what is the point...at this point? IDK. I still love writing and always will, but it feels like a waste, even though I know it's not. I'm just so worn down by how fucked up humanity is and am fucking TERRIFIED of what's gonna happen next week. I have a terrible feeling that Kamala is gonna win the popular vote but lose the antiquated AF electoral college, and then we're all stuck living in the Gilead. Should that happen, I want OUT. By any means necessary. Am I even gonna post this? Like who actually cares? I could write the most profound blog in the history of humanity and at max, like 28 people would see it. Fuck...I don't wanna be on my Debbie Downer swag, but I'm just being honest and ya boi is hurt-TING. That's one of the biggest reasons I've barely written the last few months...that, and I'm so focused on my #everydaydoz swag. Today was 214 straight *fire emoji*. 
At least I'm looking good-to-better.
I'm doing countless things I desperately wanted to over the last few years, yet it's still not enough. Your dude is unhappy AF. I feel so alone and like life has passed me by. My self-worth is so jaded, and I'm so over living in a country where like 49% of the population is too stupid (by design) to understand who's truly at fault for all of the ills of society.
Also...fuck the Yankees. Sucks2suck and FUCK John Henry FOREVER.
I am soooo over the MAGA pearl-clutching. They're literally supporting a fascist regime, but cry when the left fights back.
The balls on these fascists to cry about "rhetoric" when they say shit like this....
This race really is good vs. evil. Kamala isn't perfect, but the new right is full-fledged fascist. Oohhh how far America's Mayor has fallen!
Bret, you are 100,000% garbage.
On the bright side, I'm a full-ass real teacher now...no more long-term subbing, which is another reason I haven't blogged much lately. All my free time is dedicated to the gym, sleep, and going OFF against the computer in Madden to feel good for a few minutes a night. Don't get it twisted; I'd still happily write for Barstool, but that is no longer the end-all, be-all dream of my life like it was for the last 8ish years.
I just want a just country (and planet) for all. I refuse to accept the horrors of humanity and know there is a possibility of something better. I guess this is it for my drunken brain dump. I'll talk to you in December. Song: Sushi Glory Hole (2024) Artist: The Lonely Island Surprise! The boi is back...just in time to get an official October 2024 blog out. Sorry for the lack of writing this year...it'll come up in the next post.   via: WPRI EAST PROVIDENCE, R.I. (WPRI) — Alan Shawn Feinstein, an educational philanthropist known for encouraging and rewarding good deeds, has died. He was 93 years old. "It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of my father’s passing this weekend," Leila Feinstein CEO of The Feinstein Foundation and Feinstein’s daughter told 12 News in a statement. "He was surrounded by family and loved ones. We will miss him dearly but are heartened by the fact that he led a long and meaningful life." "Knowing that Feinstein Jr. Scholars were doing good deeds every day brought my dad tremendous joy and comfort," she continued. "It gave him peace in his final moments knowing our work will continue even though he is no longer with us." An obituary posted by Sugarman Sinai Memorial Chapel announced that Feinstein passed away on Saturday. Feinstein’s philanthropic efforts were aimed at inspiring young people to help others in need. The Feinstein Foundation, which he started in 1991, promotes the ideas of doing good deeds and being kind to others. Participants were known as "Feinstein Junior Scholars," a title familiar to generations of Rhode Islanders. Many schools around Southern New England have been designated as "Feinstein Leadership Schools." He’s also the namesake of the Feinstein School of Education and Human Development at Rhode Island College. Feinstein received honorary doctorate degrees from several local colleges, including the University of Rhode Island, Providence College and New England Institute of Technology. Feinstein was born in Dorchester, Massachusetts, and graduated from Boston University and Boston Teachers’ College. He later become a teacher at schools in Newton and Mansfield, as well as Bristol, R.I. He was married to his wife, Pratarnporn "Pat" (Chiemwichit) Feinstein, for more than six decades, and had three children and five grandchildren. Alan Shawn Feinstein was more than a man. Like Del's Lemonade and Autocrat Coffee Syrup, he was a Rhode Island institution. If you attended public school in the Ocean State, you've likely crossed his path in your middle school auditorium as a Feinstein Juniahh Scholah (Junior Scholar for non-Rhode Islanders). He encouraged generations of Rhode Islanders to do good deeds. Countless benefitted from his philanthropic investments and dedication to education. When I initially saw the news on IG that he passed on the 7th, I was like, how did I miss this? I thought it was just Insta's typical trash algi. I even busted my friends' balls for not being on their A-game in breaking celebrity deaths, but it appears the news was made public today by his daughter and CEO of the Feinstein Foundation, Leila. In a world where evil is everywhere, and public education is under attack by extremists, we need more people like Alan Shawn Feinstein. The man's heart was in the right place. He wanted a better world for ALL and believed there was no such thing as "too small" of a good deed. Did he want his name on anything he was involved with? You bet your ass he did, but there are far worse offenses than wanting credit for feeding the hungry and funding public education. There's nothing wrong with wanting a little credit. That's what being a hashtag good guy is all about, and Alan Shawn Feinstein was an OG hashtag good guy. He made the most of his 93 years. I'm sure his family (seen and introduced in an iconic Rhody commercial) is grieving, but I hope they can find peace in knowing how much positivity their dad/grandpa/uncle/etc., Mr. Alan Shawn Feinstein was responsible for. Thank YOU, sir, for all YOUR good deeds. See ya later, Alligator. Song: Silent Running (ft. Adeleye Omotayo) Artist: Gorillaz Album: Cracker Island (2023) Damon Alborn is a genius.
Sorry I haven't blogged in over two months (we'll get to that l8r in a future Dozie's Brain Dump), but much like the Pats, the boi is back!!
HOLY SHIT!!!! What an ugly, grind-it-out, statement win for the new ball coach and six-time Super Bowl champion New England Patriots! Sure, the Bengals are banged up, and there's some serious Ja'Marr Chase contract drama in the Queen City, but that doesn't change the fact that the Patriots are undefeated in the post-Belichick era. Congratulations, Coach Mayo!
What a fool I am for not believing in my guys (I texted my dad we'd be lucky to stay within 14 before the game lolol). Yeah, I hit a nice little SGP, but that Pats ML hit sure would've been a nice payout and feather in the ole proverbial gambling cap.
There's a winning culture in this organization. It sure does feel nice to have a Super Bowl champion QB behind center again.
Jacoby didn't light the world on fire by any means, but he didn't turn the ball over either, and had some biiiig boiii scrambles in key spots.
For the first time in the history of DOL (I'm ashamed), I didn't post an NFL preview blog since I only got this much done and may have the blogging yips. 
Perhaps I was wrong about the Pats going 4-12-1? I will gladly admit (once again) that I was extremely wrong about Kyle Duggar. He is very much a real person and one of the best safeties in the NFL. 23 had himself a fuckin' day!
This angle does the play waaayyy more justice. What a punch!
There are still a handful of Patriots with Super Bowl rings on this roster and one of them made arguably the biggest play of the day.
Alright, I had to get something out but right now #everydaydoz has been my #1 priority and I gotta go get to 161 before PF closes. That said, I am a little mad at myself for not peppering the Pats ML. To be fair, I thought they had no chance. The Dozo Mush lives on.
P.S. Thank you, Travis Etienne. There's no way I hit that bet without you.
 It's impossible to tell this story without diving into my long history of weight struggles and binge eating. I don't want to make this blog gratuitously long (in textbook DOL fashion), and I also don't feel like writing/working right after my most intense workout yet, so admittedly, this is a quasi-rush job (it took 3ish hrs). I'm gonna TRY to not get too emotional or in-depth because this isn't a finish line, but don't get me wrong; I am super proud of myself for sticking to this unintentional bit that will probably save my life. Your kindness and support has fueled me these last three months. Here's the TL;DR timeline of my life going into April 2024 when #everydaydoz began. December 1991: I entered the world in Newport, RI, at just seven pounds, 15 ounces. Fall 2001: Declared too fat to play pop warner football. This the first time I can remember "trying" to lose weight. Idk, exactly when...like 5th or 6th grade...which was the 2002-03 range: Hit two hundo lbs for the first time. August 2006: Started my high school football career (I was a key returner going into my senior year and a key loss after I graduated in the local paper). As an offensive lineman, being fat helped!  Spring 2009: During my junior year, I started a run-of-the-mill calorie deficit and exercise diet and lost around 60 pounds. I remember being 221 at my lowest point this go-around. I even ran the Blessing of the Fleet, in which my football coach saw me and was not thrilled with how "skinny" I was going into double sessions. I fucked up my bib and ripped off the part you're supposed to turn in and since I didn't want to give them my entire bib, there might not be record of it...but I finished that fucking race.  November 2009: My high school football career ended with our seventh consecutive league loss, and so did the biggest excuse I had to be a fat guy, lololol. Fall 2010: I start college. I don't know if I had already hit 300 by the time I moved into my dorm, but it didn't take long for me to reach that number I never thought I'd hit. Spring 2012: Lose 60ish pounds using a product called "HCG" that tricked your body into thinking it's pregnant or some shit that somehow made you lose weight. I took these drops under my tongue & only ate about 500 calories daily. This was my first foray into gimmicky weight loss attempts. By December 2012, most (if not all & then some) of the weight was back. February 2016: Start Optifast meal replacement program AND dozonlife.com. I was 24 and did not cheat from Feb 3rd, 2016, to some time in late June. I only drank shakes and went from 376 lbs to 256.  August 2017: Move from Narragansett to Nashville to start my first legit teaching job (three weeks into the school year). At this point I had kept off essentially all the weight I lost in 2016 and was THRIVING socially. October 2017: I quit my job as an 8th grade social studies teacher in Nashville for a multitude of reasons. It was a shotgun move and a total disaster. I wanted to come back pretty much after my first day teaching. #everydaydoz has lasted significantly longer than I did in Nashville. This failed move realllly fucked me up and completed wrecked my recently improved self-confidence for years. July 2019: By this point, I had gained about 2/3s of the weight and re-enrolled in the Optifast program. December 2020: Finish my 2nd stint with Optifast. I got to 266 after starting at 338. March 7th, 2020: Eat #43burgers in a publicity stunt in an attempt to get hired by Barstool. The following week, the world shut down due to a global pandemic. Between the isolation, stress, financial struggles, the emotional toll of the Pani unmasking all of the horrors of society, and some family beef...the weight I had just lost started to creep back. June 2022: Hit my highest documented weight (426.6 lbs). November 2022: I started working out again and documenting the process. I recorded a brief video before every workout. I kept it up consistently until September 2023, when I moved to the other side of town. This move triggered a re-gain of most of my progress throughout this timeframe. December 2023: Weigh in at 394 at sleep apnea appointment...oh yeah, I totally forgot to mention that part...I got so fat that I stopped breathing at night. I wasn't diagnosed until May 2023, but I wouldn't be surprised if I had it for at least the year before...maybe even longer. April 1st, 2024: I did a smidge over an hour on the bike, posted it on my IG story, and #everydaydoz inadvertently began.  April 4th, 2024: After realizing I had worked out every day in April (beast), here's the first official mention of potentially working out every day, as a bit.  April 6th, 2024: The hashtag "everydaydoz" is used for the first time.  At this point I didn't think to crop my stats. We were still in our edd infancy. April 15th, 2024: Mid-April check-in. In the days leading up to this, I had started giving more daily info, but this was the first post of its kind. The story says it all. There's no need for me to waste your time writing an unnecessary description or, even worse, making you read a long-winded explanation explaining that I won't waste our time since I can just provide you with a primary source.  April 30th, 2024: I completed the original goal of the bit (worked out every day in April).  May 15th, 2024: 45 day milestone post.  May 20th, 2024: 50 day milestone post (yeeesh...those eyes).  May 31st, 2024: The two month mark.  June 9th, 2024: 70 day milestone post.  June 19th, 2024: 80 day milestone post.  June 29th, 2024: 90 day milestone post (I did not intentionally wear this shirt both days).  Today (July 9th, 2024) marks 100 straight days of exercise. I didn't set out to do this, it just happened, but man am I grateful that it did. I knew I needed to make a change, but didn't know what I was gonna do. This whole bit was to hold myself accountable and as of typing this, I still haven't stopped. No days off like 2010 Wale. Obviously, people need to rest, but I am hooked on this feeling and wanna get this weight off ASAP as possible. Throughout #edd, I've usually checked in with blurbs on my IG story, but for day one hundo, I wanted to get back to my roots tonight and write a blog because obviously this is a major part of my life/story/journey/blah, blah, blah, but also bc I want to inspire others. Believe me, I know how easy it is to get worn down and just give up. I still battle those thoughts. Until like 40 days in, I felt like I looked the same in every pic and was kind of embarrassed that I was living out the Alex Jones meme in real time.  But eventually, I noticed I was getting less fat. If I can do this. You can too. No excuses. I kept living throughout this lifestyle change. I went to Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, a musical festival, worked multiple jobs, visited family a ton, and battled many thoughts of taking the early checkout...no matter what happened on a particular day, I had to work out. There were only two close calls of the streak ending because of oversleeping. It's crazy, but I genuinely enjoy exercising now. I promise you, you can change too. As happy as I am to make it 100 straight days and LOVE all the support/encouragement/love, I'm nowhere near where I want to be. I cannot afford to get complacent. As someone who's lost significant amounts of weight multiple times, I'm terrified of re-gaining. Ironically, the fact that I'm going slower than I would like is for the best. I'm making gradual and sustainable life changes "the right way." I asked my Dr. about Ozempic, and my Dad even brought it up, too...while it was appealing, the price is just not possible for me, and it feels too good to be true. Who knows, maybe I'll end up getting on something down the line...but for now, I really enjoying working out. Eating healthy not so much, and I need help with that...but overall, I'm pretty content with how things are going. I know I'm losing weight while still enjoying life. I've done drastic diets before, and it just leads to cheating. My weight has held me back literally and figuratively, which has fucked up my confidence and self-worth. I'm trying to rewire those parts of my brain, but it takes a while to update 32 years of negativity. It's a major reason I haven't written as much in 2024. I love DOL, but I went kind of all in focusing on saving my life. Even now, I'm ashamed of this blog because I'm rusty and still not going as deep as I can emotionally (granted a lot of it is on the IG stories I shared) and have said "I" way too many fucking times. I haven't dove into the real reasons why I binge and all the emotional shit that went into me getting up to 426.6, but again...this isn't the finish line. I'm not satisfied, and I guess we can leave some meat on the bone for later. Of course, if anybody actually wants to talk or needs someone to help them with their shit, I am here. I just want to be happy and make it in this fucked up world. I am so scared of what's happening in America and just ate my feelings to deal with it. I'm fighting back because I am worth it, and so are you. We can't just give up. No matter the battle you're facing, you can overcome it (or, at the very least, try to improve your situation). For a while, I thought my weight was why I couldn't find love, and while I still think that's a significant factor, I've learned that the way I treat myself because of my weight plays a central role in why I'm currently at risk of dying alone. It's such a cliche, but you really do have to love yourself first before you're ready to love someone else. In closing, thank you for reading this and sorry if it sucks and that I'm not skinnier yet lol. Thank you to anyone and everybody who's liked a story, messaged me, or even said something nice IRL (that means in real life, Grandma). I'm nowhere near the finish line, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the ride getting there. I love you all. Stop Project 2025. P.S. Since there's no "before" pic from April 1st, here's a comparison of me in January.  vs. today.  It's a start, and we're nowhere close to the end.
Double P.S. Seriously, thank you sooo fucking much to everybody that's given the boi some love throughout this journey. A major reason why I ballooned up to 426.6 was because I felt worthless and that nobody cared about me. I know it sounds so fucking woe is me and depressing, but it's the truth. I had basically given up and accepted that I was gonna eat myself to death. You're not supposed to go through life alone. Connection is everything. My size has stopped me from living the life I want and deserve, but I'm taking control once and for all. Thank you for reaching out, whenever you may have. Stop Project 2025. Song: End of a Century (1994) Artist: Blur Album: Parklife It's nice to see you again, loyal DOL reader! Ya boi is back for the first time since the C's clinched banner 18. Today's SOD sorta encompasses the two most significant parts of my year to date: my newfound obsession with Blur and today being the 100th DAY of #everydaydoz. You don't know what that is because I've barely blogged in 2024? Don't sweat...I'll get to it all in the next blog. Dozie loves you. Stop Project 2025. |
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