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Five days ago; February, 15th was the 21st anniversary (I always feel weird using that word with death) of the murder of Harlem's finest, rapper Big L.
Lamont not so famously, once said "Yo, I got slugs for snitches, No love for bitches, Puttin thugs in ditches, When my trigger finger itches"
If you're like me, you knew exactly what slug means and just looked it up to verify so the readers know that a slug is a bullet! Lamont took snitches get stitches to a whole new level in the 7 Minute Freestyle. L also never reused verses in other freestyles. NEVER! Big L's song Street Struck tells the youth to stop glamorizing "the hood" lifestyle and the dangers that come from it. Ironically L called his own death in Street Struck, as he caught a bullet that was meant for the next man.
Big Papi was nearly Street Struck, back in June (not that long ago) in his native DR. I don't know about you, but I've had a few near death experiences. They usually shake you up for at least a little bit. If you're texting and driving and have a close call you usually don't touch you phone for at least 8 minutes. When someone is the victim of a shooting, you would assume they'd be for catching the assailant?
Not so fast!
Hey, Dave? Just wonderin’... would you call the person who turned in your potential shooter a snitch or a hero? Word. What if God forbid someone raped your daughter at a party and people witnessed it? Would they be snitching if they called the cops?
You'd think such a close call would give David some perspective on life, but instead he received a Big fat L for this take. 
Not only does he spew the company-line garbage as the Red Sox human mascot that Manfred is doing a great job, but I fucking LOATHE this attitude. It's something I see on a daily basis working in inner-city schools. It exists in a lot of places, but I see it constantly at work. This whole "don't snitch" mentality is so fucked and a major reason why the world is so screwed up. #vaguedoz
If you're some say something every two seconds tattletale, like the kids who snitch on a peer for using their phone; like that's going to earn my respect Then yeah, you can kick rocks. I don't care about breaking stupid rules. I wouldn't have told on gay dudes I hypothetically stumbled upon having a grand time in the alley of the restaurant I would've owned if I was alive in the 1950's (I still took the trash out of time to time to show I'm still a man of the people) either. That is not the same as "whistle-blowing" one the biggest cheating scandals in the history of professional sports. Mike Fiers isn't the only person who said something. There's reports that like a dozen teams complained to Major League Baseball. ROB MANFRED did nothing and had to nerve to call the Commissioners Trophy a piece of metal when people were pissed he didn't punish the players. I hate the phrase "for the intregirty of the game" but damnit Bobby for the intergrity of the game you need to hold these mother fuckers accountable. I honestly believe the Astros' 2017 World Series Title should be vacated. This is textbook cheating.
I'm convinced if a player didn't say something to pour the Mentos in the Diet Coke, they'd still be on the shelf as the Astros would be having a year-long tribute to Neil Peart (R.I.P.)
Fuck ANYBODY who calls Mike Fiers a snitch. That mentality is so asinine. He's a hero for standing up for what's right, making the hard decision. Yes, the cynical side of me thinks maybe there's sour grapes from being left off the 2017 playoff roster? I'll gladly give you that’s a possibility. From what I've read, it's more that Fiers felt it was finally time and did tell people. 
He considered the backlash and realized the effects of this go WAY past the box score. There's a ripple effect of who this cheating affects.
I love Big Papi and despite my current stalemate with the Red Sox, I'll always love Papi for the memories and joy he's responsible in my life. When you really love someone you gotta be able to call them out on their B.S. Don't get me wrong; I hate confrontation, but it's necessary at times. Sometimes you need someone who loves you to tell you there's spinach in your teeth or poop on your jeans. I get mad at my friends for not calling me/others out for stuff they used to. It's good to know people care, and I cannot support this GARBAGE that David Ortiz is spewing just because he hit 521 home runs (most of which for the Red Sox). Anybody that calls Fiers a snitch is a clown. P.S. Looks like Papi is doubling down on stupid statements today.
I'm sure Papi was fully on board with trading Manny in 08 too!
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#TBT SONGS OF THE DAY. Here's a Special 2/20/2020 Edition. Song: Freaking Out The Neighborhood Artist: Mac DeMarco Album: 2 Song: Bent Artist: Matchbox Twenty Album: Mad Season Song: 2 Legit 2 Quit Artist: MC Hammer Album: Too Legit To Quit John Henry FINALLY Addresses The Mookie Betts Trade (and I Address My Future as a Red Sox Fan)2/17/2020
I still cannot believe the Boston Red Sox actually traded Markus Lynn "Mookie" Betts.
I don't think it's going to truly set in for me until Opening Day. Of course I saw the pictures of him and David Price getting introduced as Dodgers, but until Opening Day this still isn't real to me. I have been incredibly vocal about my disdain for both this trade and upper-management/ownership throughout this entire process. 
I have to admit, I may have overreacted and said things that are quote "aggressive". I may have even wished death upon John Henry multiple times. That may have been a bit extreme. Hand up (in a non threatening manner). I don't want him to actually die. The lines of trying to make a splash as a blogger-persona may have been blurred. I apologize for that. That being said, this trade should not have had to happen. Plain and simple. I will never budge on that. The sad thing is, most knowledgeable Red Sox fans have been aware of this very possibility happening since 2017. Once Mookie turned down an 8-year 200 million dollar ($25 million AAV) deal it felt like writing was on the wall. After turning down the less than fair offer, Mookie responded by having one of the best individual seasons in MLB history. Further proving he's worth an all-time contract. He collected a Batting Title, All Star, Gold Glove, and Silver Slugger in 2018. Oh and he helped lead the Red Sox to an 108 win season (119 counting the World Series title run) 
Now less than two years later, Mookie Betts is an L.A. Dodger.
Finally, John Henry addressed this franchise altering trade in a way that only the out of touch 70 year old could. PRed Sox strike again!
I have to be fair here. There are some points that I actually agree with.
1. This trade sucks; especially for young fans. This is shittiest for them. Young fans care more, it's just how it goes. No 8 year old obsessed with Mookie Betts should have to deal with the harsh realities of capitalism and scumbag hire ups this early in life. Have fun helping Kayleighe and Braxxtin read this tweet before bed, Mom and Dad; Mom and Mom; Dad and Dad; Dad and Mom, They and Mom. When the Red Sox traded Nomar I cried like a 22 year old whose first love cheated on them multiple times. It was devastating. I thought the Red Sox were making a huge mistake. I was wicked wrong. I was also wicked young; 12. The overwhelming majority of 12 year olds are morons and I fell into that. I did not know baseball like a say, 28 year old self-proclaimed genius does. Trading Nomar was a fantastic move and one that should be applauded as much as this one is bashed. Nomar was also battling injuries and 30. Mookie is regarded by many as the best player in baseball that isn’t named Mike Trout. 2. It’s his responsibility to try justify this trade. YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! (you did a bad job doing so!) 
3. Free Agency has changed baseball.
The era of one team superstars with no choice of leaving like Stan Musial and Ted Williams is over.....and has been for some time as Free Agency has been in baseball since the reserve clause, like Jimmy Hoffa, allegedly died in 1975 
We know this is how the game works nowadays. There are multiple teams on most players’ baseball cards. There are also still plenty of examples of Hall of Famers that spent their entire career in one uniform; all who played the vast majority, if not their entire career, after 1975.... aka in the era of Free Agency. Off the top of my head, no outside sources....George Brett, Mike Schmidt, Cal Ripken Jr, Derek Jeter, Chipper Jones, Tony Gwynn, Barry Larkin, Mo Rivera...okay now it's getting tough...omg how could I forget Kirby Puckett, Jim Rice, and Jeff Bagwell? 4. Clubs also have choices to make as well in this economic system This isn't Jacoby Ellsbury...it's Mookie Betts. They are not even close to the same caliber of player. I can understand not wanting to go over a certain number...but when it comes to this type of talent you need to make exceptions. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE WILLING TO PAY SHIT BUMS. Your club has made plenty of horrible decisions over the years, dating back to Carl Crawford, that led to this. No need to go any deeper in the financial history of the Red Sox; the attached blogs do plenty of that. IMO this move is short sighted, just like baseball's video system where they took a bunch of money up front that actually hurt the game long term...unless this truly was some evil genius move to trade Mookie to help reset the luxury tax and get some pieces in an attempt to go after him in free agency (Yankees and Chapman in 2016). Should that be the case, ? Moving on from Mookie Betts is not a smart baseball decision. It hurts the team and sends a horrible message to everybody in the organization and those people who support it with their time and money. This is not football with a salary cap and the "Patriot way" of “moving on "a year too early, rather than a year too late”. You simply could sign Mookie. Unless Mookie Betts has a J.R. Richard type-tragedy, he’s going to be a Hall of Famer. He could have stayed in a Red Sox uniform like Ted and Yaz. Yes, they offered $300M over 10 and he countered with $420M over 12. The Boston Red Sox...the same team that Henry brags about their lavish, at times foolish spending in a way that reads in a bitchy break up text. 
In terms of AAV (average annual value) we’re talking about $5,000,000 a year....
Those same Red Sox chose to trade him instead of countering, or opening contract talks again. OVER FIVE MILLION DOLLARS A SEASON. I LIED I AM GONNA BRING UP THE PAST... 72 FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS TO RUSNEY CASTILLO WHO WAS OUT OF BASEBALL!!! I mean what THE FUCK are we doing here?!!!!!?! As far as I’m concerned that’s all it comes down to; money. The Red Sox (John Henry) can kick rocks. Don’t insult us with this step-parent passive-agressive garbage. Which brings me to my fandom! I have shot from the cuff this off-season regarding the Mookie trade, going as far as renouncing my fandom. I don’t know if I’m ready to go that far yet. I feel like a hypocrite, but things are not always black and white. I feel like an abused partner who deep down still loves their significant other. Yes you want to leave, but it’s not always that easy. But you can put your foot down and I’m putting down mine. For YEARS I have put my own finances in unintelligent situations supporting this baseball team. For what? Drunken memories and shirts that don't fit? I have put up with the, whole historic and beautiful ... in many ways...a dump ballpark. I’ll spend the $12/beer and $10.25 on hour old fries and 2 chicken fingers knowing it fuels elite talent in this PR conscious baseball machine. I will not spend a cent of my own money supporting the Boston Red Sox in 2020. That is FINAL. A big part of me wants them to be horrible, but I still love the history of this team and a lot of players on the roster. I want them to do well but I really don’t want this move to end up looking good. Fuck John, Sam, and Tom. Call me petty. If you told me you could guarantee the Red Sox win the World Series this year I’d say no. We cannot reward this behavior. I hope more fans hope on this wave with me. If this is really a chess move to go after Mookie’s services in the off season I will write AT LEAST 5000 words praising John Henry and this front office. I may even eat crow’s eggs. 
I will gladly spend money I do not have enjoying Fenway Park and $15 bud lights if it means Mookie Betts is manning RF for the next decade.
That is why my official stance on the 2020 Boston Red Sox is that of a trial separation. I will creep from a distance. Of course I still care deep down. I've spent the majority of my life caring about this team more than actual family. Being a Red Sox fan was part of my DNA. Maybe too much. Fandom isn’t a personality. Perhaps this is the wake up that there's more to life than sports despite me loving sports more than life. (not really). I'm an idealist and I want things to work out. I want to go to Fenway with my friends, family and future ONS. I really am hoping you can show me you can change, or prove to me I am the one who’s wrong. I’m a big enough man to admit my fault when it’s necessary. I really hate to see it come to this. Do you think I get pleasure of this? Do you think I want to leave? You’re giving me no choice! I’m not going to wear your gear or spend money supporting you in 2020. It really sucks because I have this fire Red Sox light-sweatshirt that finally fits and of course now I can't wear it. If you can show me you actually love me (sign Mookie this fall) I’ll come back with open arms. P.S. That really was some all-time PRed Sox, panderfest garbage....wahhh we'll miss Mookies eyes and smile...here's the POS we hand picked to replace that sexy snarl. 
Double P.S. This is and always will be about mismanaging the roster and payroll. Yes this team spends and I grateful the team I root for (of have rooted for) does that. But they have spent so poorly over the years it caused them to trade a man with a legitimate chance to be the greatest player in franchise history. You can use the "a draft pick" is not enough compensation argument all you want, but at the end of the day if you didn't let Cherington, and then Dumbo make bad moves...and give guys like Evo (who I like and did want back...just not at his crazy deal) gigantic contracts over a heartwarming performance..in a loss. Ultra rare TRIPLE P.S. In 2020 I will be a Reds/Baseball fan. I love Trevor Bauer, Votto, Amir Johnson, that pitcher that plays the OF. I want to see them win the NL Central in 2020 because I'm a hashtag good friend. Hopefully I'll be back to Fenway with Mookie in 2021.
I'm gonna be honest with you guys (more than usual). I was having a troublesome time trying to figure out a good opening for this blog. I was going to take the "nobody listens to me", "I'm such a misunderstood, tortured artist/genius" angle that everybody loves, but couldn't pull the trigger. I'm too humble.
Well, now it looks like my future boss, Dave "El Pres" Portnoy just dropped a secret ingredient to sauté into the original blog like a little bit on onion that you won't even know was written yesterday.
People LOVE to break news and they LOVE be first to know of something. I don't know why that is, but people get off to it. I'd assume it's the chase of that minor sensation of superiority you get for a moment; knowing that you have information that these pissants do not. It can be quite the rush. Somewhere between making the final shot of a pick up game and reaching completion. I'm sure there were countless people excited to break the Kobe news knowing they were the ones who dictated the mood in the room. You very well may be that person.
We all have that friend that has to be the first to tell you a celebrity died or claim they knew a band/artist before they made it big. We've all been guilty of it before. I have as whaleee.
Sometimes it can genuinely be cool AF (as fuck) though and you're just trying to use this experience to relate and connect with a fellow human-being. Seeing an artist live before their big break big is kind of wild. I love stuff like that. It's like being the entry-level sales guy who played high school football against Patrick Mahomes, He that knew he'd become the face of the NFL in 2013! Brags about it in the cubes. Sometimes it's best to just let someone have that. ​Like imagine being one of the 13 people at that Travis Scott "show" before he blew up. ​​That's gotta be a cool fucking feeling.
I saw Lizzo open for HAIM in 2018 right before the internet decided that being fat was empowering and not endangering. I don't brag about it for obvious reasons, but you best believe I take pleasure in knowing I saw an artist that the sheeple eat up, basically against my will, before she took over the radio.
Well here is my chance to share with the loyal DOL readers an artist I have fallen in love with over the last week or so that I am convinced is going to be bigger than Lizzo's fupa. (I'm fat, I can say it) ​His name is Orville Peck and if you haven't heard of him, tighten up your bolo tie and listen. ​​This cowboy is going to take over the world. 
Orville's not exactly unknown, but with only "Dead of Night" surpassing the million view mark on Youtube he's by no means a house hold name yet. It's still early enough to claim you knew who he was before he blew up if you hop on NOW. Sure, he was at the Grammy's, but with zero nominations most people were just like "who the fuck is this dude with the mask?"
Pipes that could make a young man cry. Steph Curry range. I've been beating the word "haunting" to describe Orville's voice to a pulp, but damnit if that isn't the perfect word to use. I don't know if I've ever heard a voice I like this before. I LOVE it. He's legit all I listened to this weekend.
(apple music: @dozonmusic; Lavender Country is the OG gay country act that was a BIG influence to Orville...learned that in one of the many youtube interviews I've watched)
If you really want to impress somebody you can mention how Orville sounds like Roy Orbison. Who? Doesn't matter. Yeah, I said that before I realized that's the go-to comparison (male Lana Del Ray plays too) of your well-known music publications of the world. 'Twas a real nice ego boost to see my brain go to that of the "big shots" before seeing it. In reality I am just a man with an above average knowledge of information that doesn't pay me well (yet).
I'm a binger; food, booze, reexfer (so it doesn't show up in searches), streaming shows...you name it, I'll over indulge; it's in my RNA (people always sleep on RNA). So I don't know if I'm a fair litmus test for how good Orville Peck's music is, but when I say it's realistically 83% of all the music I've consumed the last 10ish days... I cannot get enough of this man. It's truly unlike anything I've ever heard before.
Admittedly, I am down on country, but it hasn't always been this way. I fucked with it heavy for like five years before one day a switch just flipped. I just don't really relate to the music. The cliches about country being about the same few topics (Beer, America, love, heartbreak, Constitutional-interpretation, trucks, fishing etc) exist for a reason. It's all country is. It's basically all the same. Pretty blondes from Tennessee or Kentucky and sorta okay looking good ole boys that probably have a cousin who played 7th string tight end at an SEC school. I don't relate to it, I don't enjoy it. It's not for me. If you do, that's cool. We live in America. I don't know if you've been reading DOL since February of 2016, but I'm a fucking weirdo, an outcast, a social pariah if you will.
Orville Peck is for people like me. The weirdos, the off-center, niché mother fuckers. Orville Peck is an INCREDIBLE musician who writes songs that anybody can relate to. They are love songs. As a gay man, they happen to be about dudes. I may not be a full-blown gay dude, but I am for sure empathetic to the cause and a supporter of my many (at least 4 confirmed) LGBT+ friends. I love how he's fully embraced the Cowboy persona. There's concept albums, but Orville is an concept musician.
I am telling you, this guy is going to be the next big thing so help me God. It makes perfect sense. Reviving a genre the youth has NO IDEA about whatsoever in rockabilly, the Cowboy gear, the mask, the gay boost, the success of Lil Nas X...I am normally pretty good at predicting trends in music. I'm batting like .800 at calling one hit wonders (Katy Perry "I Kissed a Gurl" was an all-time miss for me, but it fit all the criteria to be one; she was just too good).
Orville Peck transcends genres. I am not a country fan anymore and this has been all I've listened to and cannot get enough. Like the fallen Andy Yang, he could convert Trumpsters. The first three songs on Pony are fantastic. "Dead of Night", "Winds Change" and "Turn to Hate" are three of my five favorites on the album; "Queen of the Rodeo" and "Take You Back (The Iron Hoof Cattle Call)" round out my personal top 5. ​Between his vibe, aesthetic, persona, and actual music there's nothing stopping this guy except a mechanical bull mishap. OH HI MAC! **Tommy Wiseau voice** 
Now with Barstool looking to add more talent, you, the DOL readers have a chance to double down on knowing about people who don't get the attention they deserve before they blow the fuck up. I am applying tonight and continue to run my grassroots #HIREDOZO campaign where I basically am shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean yelling for a life-raft. I know I am going to make it. The loyal readers and followers know I'm going to make it. Even if Orville doesn't blow up like I predict (he will) you can be half right if you support the #HIREDOZO movement. Share it on social with Barstool accounts across social. Don't be afraid to help. I am incredibly loyal and will not forget you. I know exactly who likes my stuff on IG. There's already a slush fund for them just waiting on the slush.
I have plenty of ideas for content that I want to make at Barstool that I haven't been able to for a variety of reasons. One of them is more music related content. If I'm not hired by May when Boston Calling takes place you best believe I am making some #content that weekend. Orville Peck will be there. Take a wild guess how I am going to dress on the Saturday. I know taking a chance on someone truly unknown is risky, but betting on me is a sure thing. Worst case I have a heart attack and then you don't have to pay me anymore.
P.S.
Orville and the rest of his band stay bringing the absolute HEAT with these outfits. He said he doesn't wear the same one more than once anymore so that's a fun game you can play with the internet as you explore his catalog. 
P.S.
Of course the mask is a huge part of getting his music out there but the great thing about is how Orville doesn't say why he wears it to not influence people's perspective. #art! The jersey swap has bled into America sports culture the last few years. The origins of the jersey swap date back to one of history’s greatest rivalries; England vs. France.  Now, nearly 90 years later we have players with French and British names in a different football exchanging their kits.  Upon further research for this blog I learned players get fined $500 every time the giveaway a jersey. NO DAYS OFF FOR THE NO FUN LEAGUE.  It’s so perfectly NFL to charge players $500 to replace jerseys that retail for an already outrageous $324.99. Multi-Billion dollar mega-league can’t spare some shirts. It’s perfect. It would actually be cheaper for players to customize jerseys to handout to their opponents.  Luckily, most pro athletes can swing the cash during their playing days (Dennis Rodman withstanding) Here’s some notable swaps amongst athletes in the NFL and NBA. Two contemporary kings.  Family Business (Kanye West)      #OneLastDance              Those are all great, but none even hold a candle to these two gentlemen in Las Vegas. Game recognize game!  I am all aboard this real life jersey swap train, I NEED to know what went down that night to inspire such a beautiful gesture. It’s the perfect combo of comedy and appreciation. This is my favorite thing on the internet (today only) I want to see it everywhere. Cops and convicts, chefs and yelpers, priests and P.O’s. Just everyday people that may be adversaries, but at the end of the day are just doing their job; taking a second to pay respect to the competition. That’s what the human spirit is all about.
We Could All Learn A Thing Or Two About Work Ethic From This Stripper (Please Donate if You Can!)2/10/2020
This weekend clips on both ends of the tupthumping spectrum of getting back up (again) after you got knocked down went viral.
The first one is much more wholesome and cute. Enjoy.
That OH to video end kills me every time. While the video does cut off after the loud thump of a baby's skull hitting the ground, as a former baby and someone whose been around babies in the past; let me assure you they fall funny all the fucking time! Many of which will have you worried "OMG this baby is dead!" Don't panic. The vast majority of the time that isn't the case. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume Baby Jamie Harden survived this screen considering somebody there uploaded it to the internet.
The other video is fucking mortifying. Since I read below grade level, I was under the impression that this video was of an actual death. As you'll see here it's anything but that.
After going in thinking this was some best gore type of shit that leaked onto twitter dot com, I was amazed by the sheer will-power and athleticism of this stripper. To start shaking her ass without missing a beat after falling what looked like two stories off a stripper pole is the stuff of legends. She GOT ON HER FUCKING HEAD seconds after the fall.
When you do your twitter research (read the thread) like I did and learn the seriousness of this woman's injuries it elevated this performance to the HOE-HOF. (only using for the alliteration; I respect the hustle even though I'm not a strip club guy) You could've very well been reading a text, doing a key bump or getting blown under the table and totally missed the fall and would've thought nothing of it based on the dedication to her craft. If you broke this down frame-by-frame like the Zapruder Film (classic DOL reference) I think you'd have a hard time finding even a split-second of Genea breaking the fourth wall by showing her pain; which would've been entirely understandable given she nearly broke the actual stage from her fall. Knowing that free fall is 9.8 meters/second you can easily calculate out how high that fall was if you're really curious. I just cannot believe she didn't get into the fetal position and cry, for even a second! know I wouldn't have been mad at her if she did. Even reporters cry on air. Genea deserves a whiskey drink, vodka drink, lager drink, AND cider drink for showing up all these pussy-ass, flopping pro athletes. We need stat cast break down her launch angle and exit velo because I am still in shock that she's relatively okay. On a serious note; There is a gofundme for Genea to cover her injuries (that has already surpassed the $20,000 goal) that she explains in a video that I already attached to this blog because I'm a pro's pro (despite only getting paid for one blog in the history of DOL)
I am no stranger to making jokes in times when you probably "shouldn't" and while there is some humorous tones to this blog, what happened to Genea is fucked up and the fact that the club isn't paying for her medical bills ESPECIALLY after her professionalism and dedication to her craft in a time when most people would react in horror again shows the disgusting side of capitalism and lack of loyalty by employers. We really are all just a number. I wish you a speedy recovery, Genea!
P.S. They really didn't stop the music, cut the lights, send help...NOTHING. Incredible. Genea is a bad ass bitch. Double P.S. You are not supposed to film at a strip club. Real scumbag move, but then again it brought this act of heroism to light.
The second I got out of work on Friday the uber meter started running for ya boi.
After about 20ish of my last 30 hours were spent on the road, I decided I was going to treat myself to an afternoon at the cinema. I caught a 3:45 (pm) showing of 1917 because I LOVE history so much I majored in it (somewhat against my will). When I got out of the (European) theater, I was finally taken out of my misery. Mookie Betts is an L.A. Dodger :(
I don't even have the energy to be funny or be a good writer rn, okay? This trade fucking SUCKS and makes about as much sense as Mike Winchell wearing #20 as a quarterback.
Like Mike after he gets kicked in the face; I'm hurting.
@dozonlife has only been on twitter since July so you can't go too deep back into my takes, but THIS AF RN
It'd be disingenuous of the Doz man to act like I'm more qualified to do the job of actual MLB front office personnel, but I mean what the FUCK is this?
I made the mistake of getting a little hope. I knew it was unlikely, but I made the mistake of thinking the Red Sox would make an intelligent personnel decision. Maybe the ever-image conscious Red Sox would realize the fans loathed the decision they're about to make? But nooooo, instead after getting nearly a week to come to their senses after a hand out from the baseball God’s the Red Sox STILL made an almost mirror-image mistake to one they did 100 years ago.
As an educator I know the importance of a mission statement. While some may be hallow, the idea of them is something I can really get behind; this is what we're about.
The Red Sox have done no so thing over the duration of this ownership. Just throw money at the wall and hope for the best. To their credit they've won four World Series (although 2013 is 100% a product of a tragedy but that's not what this blog's about). It all stems back to trading Jon Lester. 
After butchering his contract situation and punting in 2014 months after a World Series the Red Sox were claiming they weren't giving big contracts to pitchers over 30.
Then they gave a BUM who hadn't played baseball in two years 72.5 MILLION DOLLARS trying to hope on the Puig and Jose Abreu wave. He’s from Cuba...they’re from Cuba...and that’s where the scouting stopped. 
Desperation.
Okay, that was a smart move :(
Then the Sox were like fuck it! We'll sign a 30 year old lefty to a 7 year-217 million dollar deal. 
Now Mookie Betts is gone.
I'm just a blogger with less than 100 combined followers on twitter and IG, so my opinion as a human are invalid in the eyes of the internet God's, But I mean
Do people really just not care? How is there not more outrage over this? The Red Sox are saying fuck you to the fans. Plain and simple. Baaaa, Baaaa black sheep. Just keep letting big business fucking you up the ass no lube. Keep spewing that corporate bullshit. Sweet Caroline down 12. How can any logical Red Sox fan support this move? Nothing is going to change without action. Boycotting is the only way.
People may be like "dude it's just baseball, who cares?" to that I'd say, in a way you're right! But this is bigger than baseball. It's about what's right. It's about justice. It's about the horrors of capitalism. Bottom line over common sense. Corporate greed and corruption. You can call Mookie Betts greedy all you want for asking for 420 million over 12 years or whatever it was, but when you consider how much Major League Baseball makes and his value...in today's market... it's more than a fair asking price. The Red Sox are the greedy ones, with hubris that will surely cost them in the long run. The Red Sox will regret this trade and shell out a horrible contract in a year or so to someone far less valuable than Mookie Betts. I am not longer a Red Sox fan and will not be until John Henry sells the team or reacquires Mookie Betts. It fucking sucks, I love the Red Sox and don't want to do this, but I cannot support an organization that makes such a cold-hearted, idiotic, poor decision. Fuck John Henry. Fuck Tom Werner. Fuck Sam Kennedy.
Go Reds!
P.S.
If the Red Sox are really just punting on 2020 and pulling a 2016 Yankees with Chapman and give Mookie the bag this off-season after getting under the luxury tax than I take back everything I've said the last week. You guys are great people and #RedSoxNation is lucky to have such smart, handsome, not-complete pieces of shit, well-planned people running the show! double P.S. turns out Sam Kennedy is a regular man of the people! 
If you look at Mookie Betts wikipedia page it still says Boston Red Sox
One look at those accolades and it's easy to see why you'd want to get rid of the guy.
I learned this life lesson from sports after 18-1 when I had thought there was no possible way on earth the Patriots lose the Super Bowl; It's soooo much easier in life to not get your hopes up. It makes the let down easier to handle. No expectations = no let down. Much easier said than done. I fall in love with every chick above a soft 5 that messages me first. I'd still say 90% chance this trade still happens, but guess what? People win the lottery, survive cancer and fall in love every day. All things with a far less chance of happening than 10%.
Damnit, the #narrativguy in me is LOVING the idea of this turning something out of a movie. It seems that information everybody in baseball knew about this Twins pitcher (who I won't even name) is holding the deal up.
I know I have been extremely vocal on social media (and IRL!) about how stupid of a decision this is. Franchise altering mistake IMO. University of Tennessee fans were able to stop the Greg Schiano hiring from happening from pure online outrage (granted it was based on lies) so maybe the Red Sox can follow the lead of Mookie's home state?
The delay on the trade being official feels a lot more like the one firing squad shooter that was supposed to have a live bullet accidentally had a blank than the state calling it off.
Who knows though? Stranger things certainly have happened. Should the Red Sox keep Mookie I will change my tune quicker than you can say "300 game".
My fandom with the Red Sox really is like a marriage. I never thought we'd get divorced; ESPECIALLY after how great of a time we had together not two years ago. But even those who are madly in love have a breaking point and this is mine. I really don't want to move out and take the kids to my mother's but you're leaving me no choice. Don't make the same mistake your great-great grandfather did!
Not only was I just 4 points off from correctly guessing the score of Super Bowl LIV, but two guys I had on my fantasy team (at some point this season) showed tf out (one more than the other).
Damien Williams of the Kansas City Chiefs had 133 scrimmage yards and two touchdowns; both in the 4th quarter. Probably should've been MVP. The would be NFC Championship Game MVP, if such a thing existed, Raheem Mostert had a respectable 13 touches for 60 yards and touchdown in defeat. After the Super Bowl the two undrafted running backs (who after Derrick Henry were the best backs in the playoffs) paid their respect to each other in this clip that just so happened to be captured by NFL Films.
While this was a beautiful moment of love and sportsmanship; it appears now both are realizing they might have let the moment get the best of them. Everybody is so caught up in the jersey swap and being the guy people talk about after the game they may have very well not realized the magnitude of the situation. I can only imagine the emotions both were feeling after the game. You're not thinking about how much the jersey is potentially worth. Each's story to how they got there is incredible; they're talking about that. How two undrafted running backs were the showcase, not top 5 guys like Zeke or SaQuadddd. While some may say it's just a shirt, I know if I played in the Super Bowl (especially if I won) I'd wanna keep that memento.
There's a documentary out now about the saga to get Tom Brady's jerseys from Super Bowl LI and XLIX back. In case you're unaware, the sports memorabilia market is quite lucrative (and shady!)It's pretty clear Mostert got the better deal out of this as Williams jersey is far more valuable. Sure these guys are in the NFL, but undrafted running backs don't exactly have fuck you money.
I just think it's really cool to see this moment, how these guys wanted to show love, then both were able to step back and make a decision that was beneficial for both. What a beautiful thing! Football is soooooooooooooooooOOOOooooooooooo much better than baseball! Damien the least you can do is reimburse me the $700 my league's dictator fucked me out of. 
The life of a substitute teacher is not a glorious one. Working a second and sometimes third job is a requirement if you want your life to include lavish luxuries such as food and gasoline. The great thing about being a sub is you still get the headaches that come with being a real teacher; without the lucrative pay and respect that comes with actually being one.
As a substitute, my “work” is constantly changing. I’ve subbed for every subject under the sun. I could be at a school for one day or three months. There’s been times where I worked at five different schools over the course of a week. Every school building you set foot in is unique as the children inside. Different lay-outs, rules, demographics, vibes etc. Some are relatively new and have been built as recently as post-9/11 (but pre-Katrina). However, most were literally built before Major League Baseball was integrated (April 15th, 1947). Some walls have been up since before the infamous “Black Tuesday” Stock Market Crash of 1929. 
Some schools actually value the lives of the student body (please do not assume this is the norm). They’ll ask you to do something like identify yourself upon entering the building; since it’s an election year we know this isn’t even that important. The office people (ladies 98% of the time) may talk to you in the small variety, nothing that has any sense of personality, meaning or value. That weather sure is something! Some schools will give you a badge to show the people in the building you're not an intruder.
If you’re in a really nice area they might even take up to two (2) whole minutes to go over things like safety protocols, school rules and expectations. You know? In case an actual intruder enters the building/someone brings in a firearm. Luckily, that only happened 3,300~times in U.S. schools during the 2016-17 school year, so you're Gucci brah.
Other schools are like desperate, horny, drunks. They seek attention. It may have been years since they’ve tricked someone into entering. They'll say yes to the first person to make eye contact any hour of the night. They’re just happy a living, breathing human-being showed up to fill the void. These schools will hand you rosters and like polling places in 40ish states, won’t verify if you are who say you are. Now YOU get to be in charge of the children! In one of the districts I work in (until they find this), as long as you have a college degree (any concentration; auctioneering, fashion & textiles, pastries...does NOT matter the slightest) and a pulse, you too can experience the joy of making sure twenty-six 8th graders don’t kill each other over who gets to be in the tik-tok. As someone whose factory settings are that of unease and anxiousness; the uncertainty of things you normally take for granted make the job of being a substitute teacher incredibly difficult. I’m not saying it’s commercial fishing or mining coal, but at least they/them know where the bathrooms are when they punch in at the fish or coal store. 
That brings me to one of the most forgotten plight facing substitute teacher in the public education system; the substitute's bathroom dilemma.
Using the bathroom is something many of us take for granted, but shouldn’t as approximately a third of the world’s population will poop outside today (and not because they're at Bonneroo) The origins of the toilet are well-debated amongst fecal historians. One thing that cannot be debated is the origin of the term “plumber”. Everybody knows it dates back to the days of aqueducts and led pipes in Ancient Rome; plumbum is Latin for led. While the “flush” can be traced back to the 16th century (1500s for those who didn’t waste college for a history degree). Modern “flush” toilets weren’t commonplace in American homes until the 20th century (1900s). The Cincinnati Reds are older than the first American toilet paper-roll patent! The days of outhouses and water closets are really not too long ago. 
Frankly, as someone who has spent more time of their life on the throne than Louis XIV, I feel more than qualified to dive ass-first into this horror show. My self-inflicted battle against lactose intolerance has given me plenty of experience in bathroom-panic. This is a topic that America doesn’t want to talk about, but it’s my job as a journalist to inform the public of the struggle that is going to the bathroom as a substitute teacher.
In the overwhelmingly vast majority of schools the teacher’s bathrooms are locked and require a key for access. That’s to be expected for basic privacy concerns. No issues ye(e)t. Here’s where things get shitty (I had to say that at least once) for those trying to make a difference in lives of America’s youth. Some schools simply will not give subs the keys; no matter what. I have dealt with this more times than I can count. Textbook public edc rationale. Subs haven’t earned that right to use the bathroom! Gotta pay your dues! They’ll trust you to watch children and be responsible if they stay alive for anywhere from 43 to 92 minutes, but will force you to shamefully ask another teacher to let you use their key when you need to make a mud pie. Got it!
Luckily, the school in this story found me worthy of a key to my classroom/bathroom/any door in the building with a locking mechanism. This is not where the potty problems end. Suppose you’re part of the 10-15% of Americans that lives IBS or the 5-7% that have actually gotten it diagnosed. You are put in an position so awkward it could be sub-plot to an episode of Curb. If you’re like me, with not much of an anal on-deck circle; sometimes you can go from all-systems-go to CODE RED at a moment’s notice. Batter up!
Now you’re in a real bind (not literally, obvi). You can do a few things because simply going to the bathroom when you need to go is not an option. Who will watch the children watch twitch streams? The first thing you can do is pray. Pray your sphincter can reach “mom saving her baby” level strength and avoid becoming known as the sub who shit their pants. Should your body fail you, one of the goth kids will lend you the AR-15 that’s in their locker to kill yourself and avoid the shame that is life as the sub who shit themselves.
Perhaps the situation isn’t as dire, but you don’t think you'll make it until lunch or your free period (if you were lucky enough to avoid coverage duty). Depending on how the school works, you can really only do two things.
The first is like winning >$5 on a baseball-scratch-ticket. Rare, but not impossible, just v unlikely..... You may be lucky enough to open the door and find another teacher/administrator in the halls. If you do, you can ask if they’ll watch your class for a few minutes while you “talk to your wife about an emergency” so the kids don’t know your anus is a ticking time bomb. Hopefully this person is cool enough to watch your class for 5-10 minutes. There are plenty of teachers who would rather your colon explode than take care of children when they don't have to. Sometimes there’s nobody around to help. Which leaves an option as a sub that makes sudden death seem favorable; calling the office for help. You know? The same people you want to avoid inconveniencing by any means necessary. Yeaaaah, call them cause you gotta make a stinky! As a sub you likely don’t have any relationships inside the building. Your hands are tied, you have don't really have other choice; call the office or change the day's lesson to geysers to better paint a picture of what you're going through. 
This is what you want to avoid at all costs. I have made the call twice in the last month. (An optimist would say I'm batting .500; a pessimist would say a 50% completion rate isn't gonna cut it in this league)
So you ask the office if they can send someone to watch your class; allowing you the privilege of going to bathroom. I tried this the other day and nobody showed. This only amplifies the embarrassment. Now you really have to decide between doubling down and calling them back to say you really have to use the bathroom OR keep rolling the dice and hope you don't crap out. Allow me tell you a first hand account of how ridiculous using the bathroom as a substitute teacher is. During my first week at a long-term job I was on the third floor and saw a bathroom with this sign placed upon it. 
“Wow, I did not anticipate this school to be so progressive. Good for them!” said the voice in my head; as he too is worried about getting cancelled.
What the voice in my head doesn’t say out loud in fear of cancellation is we as a nation let a "bathroom problem" that affects less than 2% of the population dictate the national media for months! Let them divide you to take awake focus from major issues 101. Worst of all, it butterfly-effected into this and embarrassed me worse than someone hassling about a hit and run.
I sympathize and empathize with the trans community, to say they deal with a lot would be an insult to everybody. I don’t need to dive into their struggles, as if I have a clue, but I can promise them no fear of rejection from your loved ones can compares to the soul-crushing awkwardness of what entailed for Mr. Dozo.
I wish it was simple as (Kid Cudi) this:
And while the wokest of "no beers below 12.4 APV" bars may have tried to one up each other with "open to all" bathroom signs, they simply are a bad idea for bathrooms designed for use of multiple people.
I could not be anymore in favor of gender neutral bathrooms for single stall use. I’ve used an open woman’s room at gas stations countless times in my 28 years and as recently as yesterday (100% truth). It was an employee of Season's Corner Market that suggested it! Normally Season's Corner Market has one uni-sex bathroom, but this one was fancy. I simply think the fact that I have a penis (legally) does not mean I should risk pooping my pants. There’s no reason for one stall bathrooms to care what you identify as. If it’s only one person, who cares....just wash ya hands and don’t leave the seat wet. 
Once more than one person is in the mix, that’s when things can get uncomfortable rather quickly. While I do think a simple "go where you feel comfortable" policy would be ideal; it's not practical with scumbags out there who use it as open season for being a perv.
So I see the "co-Ed" bathroom sign and because I know what that sign means.... I used that restroom. When nature calls, you answer. I don't think this makes me Billy the Kid. The bathroom I'm referring to has two full-stalls and one sink. Classic two-person bathroom set-up. Once I opened the door I ran to the nearest stall as I began to drop heat. I had to go so badly that the fact this bathroom was unisex with multiple stalls didn't make me think anything out of the ordinary. I've been to bars with two stalls, a urinal and no dividers. So a set-up like this in a school built during the OG Prohibition didn't set off any alarms. Then as I heard the door open, I clearly saw women’s shoes enter the room through that 1/4 inch seem all public stalls have that ever-so-slightly reveals you to the world. 
No more than 30 seconds later, another woman enters the room. I immediately start to wonder wtf is going on? Naturally, I fear the worst and ponder why the fuck does this school have a "co-Ed" teachers' bathrooms? How is this a good idea? They SUCK! How am I supposed to relax when I'm pooping if there's a mom that isn't mine 18 inches away? No amount of gender equality is going to eliminate hundreds of years of awkwardness associated with publicly defecating. It's incredibly awkward. Trying to not make loud noises either from the exit or the splash is an Olympic caliber feat of athleticism. Now throw a member of the opposite sex in the mix?? Pooping in public is already one of the most shameful experiences a human can have. (Personally will go anywhere, I'm just trying to be relatable) We as a society have found a way to make people feel horrible for doing something literally all people do. Sorry I don’t have a remote for my ass hole. As I’m trying to shit on mute in this “co-Ed” restroom, I now feel the pressure of trying to wrap up so others aren’t waiting, while also trying to take my time and leave after them. Talk about being caught between a shit and a fart.
I wait until the coast is clear and return to class. Acting like I didn’t just totally tear up the “co-Ed” restroom.
About 20 minutes later I get a call; if you’re a classic DOL reader you may remember how I feel about the phone in class.
It’s a women’s voice on the other end. She introduces herself and we chat for about 30 seconds before I felt the closest I ever have to an actual puddle. It is here when I learned this bathroom was anything, but “co-Ed". Two women complained that a man was in their bathroom.
See this school has two “co-Ed” bathrooms. I just was stupid enough to not realize there was the men's and women's "co-ed" bathrooms. Classic mistake. Exactly. Makes no fucking sense. Apparently, this change was made solely to appease the transgender community, despite this school having zero transgender students. You read that correctly. At least that's what this lady told me on the phone. This school turned the teacher’s bathrooms into the men’s and women’s rooms into the "co-Ed"; male only and "co-Ed" female only restrooms because someday there may be a student when a student who can't use the teacher's restroom anyways, feels excluded. Don't get me wrong, in today's day in age you need to prepared. Proper bathrooms will inevitably affect all school districts in the country, it'd be like not installing handicap ramps/stalls because no current students need them. But like all education problems it was solved without basic logic. This school really thought the best solution was to have fake "Co-ed" bathrooms? I must not have all the facts straight. Part of me thinks I can't be the only one who made this mistake, but considering the door looked like this the next day; I think it's safe to say I was. 
Shit like this is why I need Barstool to save me. #hiredozo
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