Song: Don't Freak (2021)
Artist: The Aces

​How fitting is that the SOD for my long-awaited return to blogging is titled "Don't Freak" when literally all I do is freak out and work myself into panics while doubting and second-guessing myself and wtf I'm doing with my life?! despite being a fantastic undiscovered blogger (you can teach proper formatting, but you can't teach my voice!) who created the most popular URI-based Twitter account from 2012-2014! I honestly do apologize to the loyal DOL readers who have missed me since last Monday. Since I'm all about being transparent with you guys, I'll let ya know what was up.

Tuesday after work, I was on the verge of death level exhausted and knew blogging wasn't in the cards. Since I felt guilty about not writing after work/school (depending on how you look at it), I went to my Grandma's to visit, which almost immediately turned into me napping. I ended up passing out on her covered couch while she watched some random 1940s movie on TCM for the 800th time. 

Then on Wednesday, I was scheduled to have virtual therapy for the first time in almost a month. I didn't want to have a session during April Break, then the week after, she had to reschedule, and since I'm a pushover, I just took whatever opening was first offered to me, which just happened to be on Cinco de Mayo. I have tried to blog before therapy before in similar situations, but with the amount of time I had between getting home and my session, I opted to just relax and think about what I wanted to talk about in our sess. Then I get a text at 5:28 P.M. that she needed to reschedule due to a family emergency. I get it, that happens, but it rubs me the wrong way that she can cancel with 120 seconds notice with zero penalties, and I have to pay $40 if I opt out with less than 24 hours notice.

Then Thursday, I had my rescheduled virtual therapy session after 6 P.M., and I actually tried to blog beforehand, but Weebly was cock blocking my dreams. I even posted a SOD before realizing Weebly was down.

​Over the weekend and Monday, I was busy doing various activities with my family, but the boi is back! Just like The Aces!!! Under My Influence was one of my favorite albums of 2020, and now the girls are back with more new music in "Don't Freak." I fucking love this band; they deserve to be much more commercially successful!

During the first round of the NFL Draft, the league hosted a "Draft-a-thon" charity live stream fundraiser for communities affected by COVID-19 because why should they donate any of their billions when they can use fan donations for tax breaks? (If the NFL is matching donations, strike the latter half of the sentence from the record.)

In a four and one-quarter hour live stream (that I did not watch), there was plenty of star power, but this blog is all about what was said by former New England Patriots QB Tom Brady during it in response to a question from Shannon Sharpe about perhaps the most famous loss in NFL history.

After Tom gave Shannon Sharpe some shit for his awful TV show with Skip Bayless, Shannon posed a question that millions of New Englanders have pondered since February 3rd, 2008. I have since had this conversation a thousand times with various friends and co-workers. I'm paraphrasing here, but "would you trade two Super Bowl wins for the Patriots to have gone 19-0?"

In somewhat of a surprise, Brady said yes.

Maybe this is just because Tom is at a point where he has a comical amount of Super Bowl championships, but when he's been talking about how "the next one" is his favorite ring since 2002, I gotta say I was a little surprised he'd be willing to trade back two rings for 19-0. I'm curious if he'd have this same stance in 2013 with only three rings? From his POV, now it seems like an easy trade. He'd still have six rings which are more than any other player in the 101-year history of the NFL, while quarterbacking what would be considered the greatest team ever. TB 12's not exactly giving up a lot in this situation. This is the ultimate first-world (sporting) prob.

Obviously, history cannot change. The way we interpret it certainly can, but the fact of the matter is the New York Giants beat the New England Patriots 17-14 in Super Bowl XLII. No amount of dropped interceptions or missed holding calls can change that. ​

But let's say they could, and this situation could play out in real life; what two Tom Brady Super Bowl wins would you trade for the perfect season to be truly perfect? No more 18-1 and the rest of high school is incredibly more enjoyable for the boi. Wes Welker, Randy Moss, Logan Mankins and the late Junior Seau all now have rings. Maybe Junior Seau is still here? It's kind of fucked up to think, but I've always wondered that.

If I can include the Buccaneers Super Bowl win in this hypothetical, that's a no fucking brainer, but for the sake of difficulty, I'm not allowing that to be on the board. I'm not one of those assholes who counts that as a Boston championship.

For those of you playing along that don't have the Brady-Belichick era tattooed on your brain, let me recap the options:


Super Bowl XXXVI: Patriots 17, Rams 14. 

11-5 regular season. First Super Bowl win in franchise history. 14 point underdogs vs. the Rams. Tom Brady famously leads Patriots into game-winning field goal range with no timeouts after the Rams tie the game at 17, and John Madden says the Patriots should play for OT.


Super Bowl XXXVIII: Patriots 32, Panthers 29.

14-2 regular season. Hadn't lost since Week 4. Overcame 22-21 4th quarter deficit after leading 21-10. Adam Vinatieri kicks 2nd Super Bowl-winning field goal in three years. Low key one of the best games in Super Bowl history.


Super Bowl XXIX: Patriots 24, Eagles 21.

14-2 regular season. Extend recording winning streak to 21 games. Cements early 2000s Patriots as a dynasty. Join the 90s Cowboys as only other team to win three Super Bowls in four years.


Super Bowl XLIX: Patriots 28, Seahawks 24.

12-4 regular season. First championship in a decade. Tie a then Super Bowl record 10 point 4th quarter comeback. Malcolm Butler's goal-line INT seals it after being on the wrong side of another circus catch. Patriots win Super Bowl amidst deflate-gate BS.


Super Bowl LI: Patriots 34, Falcons 28.

14-2 regular season. Comeback from 28-3 deficit. Roger Goodell was forced to give Tom Brady Super Bowl MVP trophy after the deflate-gate witch hunt. Certifies Brady as the GOAT. Finally, catch a break with miracle catches.


​Super Bowl LII: Patriots 13, Rams 3.

11-5 regular season. Only Super Bowl where Tom Brady didn't throw a touchdown. 3-0 at the half despite getting passed midfield four or five times. 3-3 going into the 4th. Lowest scoring Super Bowl ever. Patriots defense plays lights out against fraud-ass Rams.

​So many variables come into play. Do these wins become losses? Do the Patriots not make those Super Bowls because those factors 100% matter. For the sake of argument, let's assume the Patriots don't make those Super Bowls and instead lose at some point in the playoffs.

Right off the bat, there are two that I'm never trading in a two-for-one situation; MAYBE, if this was one for one, I'd consider it, but there is no way in hell I'm giving up Super Bowl XLIX or LI in this trade. These are my two favorites of all six and are two of the greatest comebacks in all of American sports; they're not going anywhere. But in this hypothetical, if the Pats went 19-0 in 2007, think about the butterfly effect rabbit hole this opens up, and things get interesting.

One of the biggest reasons Super Bowl XLIX was so satisfying is how "long" it had been since the Patriots last won a Super Bowl; five days short of a whole decade. (sorry to basically every other fanbase) The Patriots were a yard away from 3-3 in the Super Bowl with a three-game losing streak had it not been for Malcolm Butler. Had the Pats gone 19-0, I don't think Super Bowl XLIX is as sweet, and damnit, was it pretty fucking sweet.

I'm 100% choosing Super Bowl LIII with my first option. Now, I can appreciate how they won that game, but from a historical standpoint, this is the least important and certainly is the least memorable. I never even bought a t-shirt. It barely felt like a win; it was more of a relief. Super Bowl LIII felt like anything but a big game after how the Patriots' previous three Super Bowl appearances played out. With no notable "true" Patriots winning their only ring in this game, it's easy to trade away for perfection.

For me, the second choice is where things get much more difficult. I need to either break up the three out of four run or go against everything I just said and get rid of XLIX or LI.

In over six calendar years of blogging, the Patriots winning Super Bowl XXXVI when I was in 4th grade is undoubtedly on my Mount Rushmore of most referenced life moments on DOL. It shaped the next two decades of my life. I really want to pick this one since I remember this regular season the least of all the options, but that playoff run is what truly got me into the NFL and the Patriots. It's one of the greatest upsets in all of sports and seminal to the Patriots dynasty. If I was selfish, I'd trade this one, but when you add in the Tuck Rule game being the final game at Foxboro Stadium, I don't want to hypothetically erase that from history.

After much consideration, I'm getting rid of 2004 in this situation for a few reasons. One, Rhode Islander, Mike Cloud, was a member of the 2003 Patriots, and I don't want to take a ring off his finger, but this was not an easy decision. Let's not forget how great the 2003 Pats were. They played so well against the Colts in the AFC Championship Game that they cried to the league and got the rules changed. I really don't want to give the Colts satisfaction by potentially awarding them the 2004 AFC Championship by knocking out the Patriots before facing Pittsburgh, but knowing Peyton, they don't get the job done. If I get rid of the 2004 Super Bowl Champion Patriots, Brady still starts his playoff career at least 6-0 in this scenario. The hardest part of this is taking a ring off of Corey Dillon's finger. Super Bowl XXXVIII is a much more historically relevant game than Super Bowl XXXIX. I feel like taking XXXIX away hurts the overall double-dynasty less. Especially when you're replacing it with 19-0. Three out of seven with 19-0 > three out of four with 18-1.

So I guess I'd trade Super Bowls XXXIX and LIII for 19-0 in 2007. Patriot fans, what two Super Bowl wins would trade for the 2007 Patriots to have finished 19-0? Would you even make that trade? TBH, after writing this blog, I'm not sure if I am, and that's not just to contradict Tom. I wish the Patriots went 19-0, but in a lame, I'm almost 30 way; it helped me learn many important life lessons and certainly knocked me down a peg or two. Plus, I'd be getting rid of the moment where I went onto the deck and took our Patriots flag down in shame only to have my dad make me put it back up, an important lesson in loyalty for 16-year-old Doz.

P.S.

I could've gone soooo much deeper into all these sliding door moments in history, but after six calendar years of blogging, I'm trying to trim the fat and get to the point and this is still over 1,500 words. This is a conversation that would translate much better in audio/video form.

Song: Save Your Tears
Artist: The Weeknd
Album: After Hours (2020)

When the latest Billboard charts officially come out on May 8th (aka Dozah day; IYKYK), Abel Makkonen Tesfaye, otherwise known as The Weeknd, will become the first male artist to have three singles from one album peak at #1 in three different years.

This super cherry-picked stat is somewhat shocking considering all the men who have ever been successful in the recording industry, and there have been plenty; Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, John Popper, just to name a few.

Once you consider all the variables: how hard it is to go to #1; the likelihood of one album producing three #1 hits; the timing of an album's release where this would even be possible; what else is popular at the time; artist fatigue, etc., I suppose it easy to understand why no man had ever achieved what The Weeknd's zero Grammy-nomination album After Hours is about to officially accomplish, but when I first saw this news I was surprised. The entire top five was once all Beatles songs; I figured somebody in the 50s or 60s must've done this, although artists used to release like four albums a year back then.

TBH, I'm surprised "Save Your Tears" hasn't peaked at #1 already, but then again, I don't listen to "pop" radio or any radio other than Ryan's Radio on Apple Music (follow me @dozonmusic). That probably sounds pretentious AF, but just I don't keep up with the Billboard charts as religiously as I once did.

I feel like I have already used this as a SOD before, but it's so good, and this is such a historical moment that I'm conformable (potentially) repeating a song. 

P.S.

Janet Jackson's Jacket Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 was the first album to accomplish this feat, producing #1 hits in 1989, 1990, and 1991.

​For the first time since 1939, the FOURTH ever NFL Draft, a Rhode Islander has been selected in the first round. 82 years ago, the Chicago Bears took Bill "Bullet Bill" Osmanski out of Holy Cross, #6 overall in the days when the first round was only 10 picks. It's been a WHILE since the Ocean State produced a first-rounder. Bullet Bill played five seasons before leaving the NFL to fight in World War II to put it in perspective. 

Kwity Paye, a Defensive End out of Michigan, via Bishop Hendricken (where he was the 2016 RI Gatorade Player of the Year), was selected 21st overall by the Indianapolis Colts. If you're unfamiliar with his story, I hope you've got a fresh pack of tissues ready. 

​Obviously, the reasons Kwity Paye and his family had to come to the United States are tragic but talk about the American Dream. Dude was born in a fucking refugee camp, came to Providence at six months old, and now he's a 1st round draft pick. He promised his mother, Agnes, that she wouldn't have to pay for college if she could pay his Hendricken tuition. He delivered with a full ride to the University of Michigan. After all the hard work and sacrifices she made for Kwity and his brother, Komotay, he's the #21 pick in the NFL Draft. Heartwarming stuff. Kwity said she'll never have to lift a finger again, and now he has to means to provide that life for his mother. I hope Kwity signs a massive deal in five years. Regardless of what happens for Kwity in the league, he's made Rhode Island incredibly proud. Congratulation, Kwity!

I mean how awesome is this??

P.S.

This is super cool. Already using his professional status for good. Kwity has a spot on team hashtag good guy.

While I was trying to remain calm after being made aware of a potential Tim Tebow NFL comeback, news that many have speculated since the Packers traded up to take Jordan Love last year was confirmed; Aaron Rodgers wants out of Green Bay.

I can't say that I'm surprised. After winning the Super Bowl in his third year as a starter, the Packers have not been back since, and it's not exactly been his fault. The Pack have been a perennial contender but have not gone above and beyond to put a Super Bowl-caliber roster around Rodgers. You gotta put the Packers of the last 30 years in the discussion for all-time disappointments in sports. How do you only win two Super Bowls with Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre? (to answer my own question: Tom Brady exists) Who's their last big signing, Julius Peppers?  I'm sure Aaron feels like he's underachieved in his career, never getting back to the big game despite putting up great numbers and winning three MVPs.

The ultimate sign of disrespect came when the Packers traded up to draft his assumed replacement after a 13-3 season. Many scratched their head when it felt like the Packers were just a couple pieces away from getting back to the Super Bowl, and they traded UP to draft someone who was not going to help them in 2020. Rodgers went on to win MVP and lead the Packers to a 2nd straight NFC Title Game; a game that the Packers would lose after a questionable field goal call and atrocious day for Kevin King.

​The Packers have said they aren't trading him, but apparently, A-Rod 1.2 has said he's not coming back to Green Bay regardless if they trade him or not. 

As of now, his desired destinations are the 49ers, Broncos, and Raiders, but if the Packers were to trade him, I don't think they're going to take a lesser deal to make him happy. I have no idea what the Patriots will do, but this is such a great point, even though it was made well before this news broke and doesn't have to do with him.

I doubt the Packers will trade him to the Patriots, but a boy can dream.

P.S.

It's funny because it's true!

Double P.S.

There's so much crazy shit going in the NFL right now that this almost feels like old hat, but Tim Tebow will always take first precedent on DOL! I've been a Tebow guy since high school. I wore eyeblack with 904 written on it for the Thanksgiving Day Game my Junior Year of HS as an homage to him (and my mom). There are probably over a dozen DOL blogs about him in one way or another, but I'm so excited that I'm almost at a loss for words. I had to crack a crispy BL smooth to try to settle down from how fired up this news has me. I always dreamed this day would come, but I've had to concede to reality over the last few years. I was so shocked that it took me until I saw an actual news posting to put two and two together. Not even my boy spelling it out for me made it truly register.

I can't get too excited. Other than Doug Flutie, how many guys have spent over eight seasons out of the NFL and returned? And Flutie was still playing football and QB in our hat.​

Obviously, there's the Urban Meyer and hometown connection, but at 33 years old and recently retired from the New York Mets organization, I thought Timmy was putting his days as an athlete behind him,,,,,,, not that this would be the first time that a 33-year-old made a miraculous comeback.

I don't care if it's simply a workout, this is so fucking awesome. Comeback Story of a lifetime, like the 8th track on Mechanical Bull. This season will mark the 10 year anniversary of Tebowmania. What better way to celebrate the tin anniversary of Tebowmania than on the field in a real NFL game for the first time since 2012? I know that Tebow has his detractors, but this would be an amazing story if he were able to pull an NFL comeback at another position after hundreds, if not millions of people suggested this career move back when Tebow was at UF.

I'm sure some Tebow haters will say this just Tebow trying to get his name out there on one of the biggest days in the NFL calendar year but he didn't break the story. Not his fault he still moves the needle!

At 33 years old, the question is, how much does Tebow have left in the tank? Is he still a beast in the open field? (obviously) How's he going to block d ends? (not as obvious) Could he actually contribute at TE this late in his life? Tom Brady just won a Super bowl at 43. Look at this fucking jersey, dude. He's basically popping the buttons off with how jacked he is. This guy can be a move TE. 

From the Jaguars stand point this is a no brainer. I lived in Jacksonville for two years (we had season tickets in 2004 solely to have a chance at Super Bowl tickets knowing the Pats would be back)and still have plenty of family connection down there. The dude is still a superstar in Duvaallllll even though he's more of a St Johns County kinda guy. James O'Shaughnessy, Chris Manhertz, and Ben Ellefson aren't selling a single ticket. This somewhat irrelevant, laughing stock franchise has a real chance to matter in the NFL landscape and this low key is bigger for the Jags than a franchise QB.  With Urban, Trevor Lawerence and Tim Tebow there will never be an empty seat in whatever the fuck they're calling Alltell Stadium nowadays. (I know what it really is, I have TIAA even though I never open the stuff they send me in the mail) I still cannot believe this may actually happen. Way more to come at a later date if it actually does, but at this point I am quite excited at the possibility. Plus, Timmy can wear #15 under the new rules! If he makes the team I am buying that jersey faster than you can Tim Tebow won a playoff game and never got to start another game at QB.

P.S. 

I love Timmy but can appreciate a joke at someone's expense. This made me LOL.

ICYMI: The First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft is tonight! ​

I'd love to see the Pats trade up for Justin Field or take Hendricken's own Kwity Paye. Either way, it's going to be a great night. I can't wait to make a bunch of knee-jerk reactions about guys I've never heard of until tonight! Sorry for thinking you weren't a real human being, Kyle Dugger! You're very real and a beast. Just a swing and a miss from a quarantine drunk Ole Dozo; it happens!

Yesterday the were no blogs on DOL, but if you're one of the 64 people who has seen my IG story, you already knew that. (please follow @Dozonlife)

It took two (2) whole days back at the education factory for ya boi's self-diagnosed anxiety to fuck me up like a 1988 Mike Tyson haymaker. I say self-diagnosed because I haven't been to a psychiatrist, only a good ole fashion shrink, but it's like Kevin Ware self-diagnosing his compound fracture. I am fucking crippled by anxiety bro lol, but anyways I say all that because I try to be transparent as possible on DOL. I'm ashamed of a lot of things, but not that. It's "okay to not be okay, right?!?!?" I want to write for Barstool more than anything in the world, but some days after work, I have to have some Ryan time, so I took a mental health day.  
​
I was supposed to have video therapy at 4:00 PM, but I got a text from my shrink saying she needed to reschedule. With it getting nicer out, I decided to go to Newport to walk the Cliff Walk to try to turn my brain off for an hour-ish and relax. Plus, spoiler alert, I put on the COVID hundo and need to start exercising again but still haven't gotten my Planet Fitness membership fixed. I'd rather walk with a gorgeous view of the ocean and masked-up coeds than my neighborhood. I moved in August, and my PF account is still linked to the gym by my old house; I tried to switch in-person when I moved, they said I could do it online and tried to, but it wouldn't work, and now it's almost May.

If you're still reading, you're probably like, "what the fuck does any of this have to do with AirPods?" and I'm gonna get there in the next nine paragraphs.

I wanted to listen to music during my walk, but since I'm a civilized human being, I used some sort of sound transmitting device, so I'm not walking around blasting Florence + the Machine for the whole world to hear (not that they'd be upset). I have two sets of wireless headphones, a pair of like $35 DJ headphones that I got on Am*zon about two years ago, and AirPods. I only opted to go for the Airpods on this walk because I was being lazy and assumed the other ones were dead since they haven't been used since the summer.

Now I get it; I'm never going to fall into the "one size fits all" umbrella. I haven't been able to wear a hat with that label since t-ball. Maybe I just have weird-shaped ear canals, and I'm the one who's wrong here, but for the life of me, I don't understand how people can exercise with Airpods in. ​

​Do they use that tape that girls use on their tits? Are they anti-Q-tipper and have enough ear sludge to lock them into position? Can they balance a glass of milk on their head?  I could go on forever, baby. I couldn't walk three paces without one of these mother fuckers falling out of my ear like the name of someone I just met. How the fuck do people do anything other than sit/lay down with Airpods in? I don't get it. I've heard people say just twist them, but that hasn't worked for me and only hurts more. I find it hard to believe that I'm the only person having this issue. How can someone do legitimate cardio without these things jumping out of their ears?

How do people move more than 2 MPH without Airpods falling out? What's their secret? I'd walk a few steps then have to either push it back in and inadvertently change the song or turn into Patrick Roy every 3.3 seconds trying to save it from hitting the ground.

​I have been a vocal hater of Airpods for years, so much so that I nearly missed out on free AirPods that came with the I bought a new Macbook last summer with some of my hard-earned ub** money.

The salesperson was like "do you want AirPods?" and thinking they were trying to upsell me, I was like, "absolutely not." After she told me they came with the laptop, I scooped them up like a groundball (Lil Wayne, 2008). Being in the content game, I thought about using them as a follower raffle item to try to get into the triple digits (I since have) on Twitter but got curious about all the hype and tried them out for myself. ​Maybe I'm just an anxious freak who can't walk level, with fucked up (but cute) ears, but I'm genuinely curious how tf people get AirPods to stay in. Sound off in the comments below with your best AirPod advice/bashing of these overpriced pieces of shit that I make fun of people for having when I own an iPhone and Macbook.

P.S.

I know, super timely blog, but I've used these things like maaaaybe 15 times since I got them in August. Mostly when I'm at home to listen to Khruangbin (I can only listen to instrumentals while writing) to block out noise while blogging. How do the readers feel about a clorox-wiped down set of AirPods for my 500th twitter follower??? I'm willing to make it happen!