I went 0-4 picking winners last week.
Absolutely gross.
(3-1 ATS though on the blog) Only thing I got right was that I said it was going to be a wild weekend, which it was. Road teams went 3-1 straight up. Both 6 seeds moved on. The only thing that wasn't a surprise is that Cody Parkey missed a field to end the Bears season. It all began with the Texans going back to being the fraud organization like I said they were YEARS ago. I really need to bring back the fraud list.
I deserve everything I got for betting on them to win.
That game completely changed my outlook on DeShaun Watson going forward. You wanna talk about chums? Hey dude, maybe don't signal for the first down when you're down 90 points at home in the playoffs and the Colts are letting you run the ball and waste time.
The Seahawks lost their kicker and had to go for two late, which totally impacted the spread, not to mention their play calling knowing on every drive a field goal was simply not an option. Lamar Jackson turned back into a pumpkin, but in his defense I think the play calling did him no favors. Run, run, pass every series gets more predictable than the Guy meets girl, guy and girl have something good, guy fucks up, and eventually wins back girl plot line in every romantic comedy ever made. If he didn't' wait until the 4th quarter to start completing passes I think the Ravens could've actually pulled it off. The Chargers were not impressive at all IMO. I think they just benefited from playing a rookie QB for the 2nd time in three weeks to prepare for him. Granted the Ravens defense is one of the best in the NFL, but what the Chargers accomplished offensively last week does not impress me. Settling for field goals (especially with their kicker) is not going to end well in the playoffs. As for the games this week, coming off an 0-4 on the blog winner wise I need to do better. Even if what really matters is the spread for our sake ;) Let's take a look at the games that make up the unofficial best football weekend of the year.
(6) Indianapolis Colts vs (1) Kansas City Chiefs -5.5
4:35 pm Saturday NBC 
It's hard to judge the Colts after beating the fraud ass Texans, but they have to be the most surprising story of the season. From Josh McDaniels leaving them at the alter, to 1-5 after 6 games, now they're in the divisional round. Nobody on earth saw this coming. Maybe Jim Irsay when he was tripping on expired pills? But that's it. They've gone 1-0 like 10 of the last 11 weeks. Andrew Luck is looking like he did pre-2015 and all of a sudden this team has a great offensive line, and solid defense. Not to mention the greatest kicker in NFL history. The Colts are that team nobody wants to play. They are scary AF. Marlon Mack is going to destroy the Chiefs front 7. The Chiefs offense has been remarkable this season. They average just a tick over 35 points a game and are the first team in five years (2013 Broncos) who can say that. Patrick Mahomes threw 50 touchdowns and used both arms. Neato! Travis Kelce had the all-time single season TE receiving yardage record for about 15 minutes, and they won 12 games for the 2nd time in 3 years. It was another great regular season in KC. That being said, I am never picking the Chiefs in the playoffs. The Kansas City Chiefs are 1-11 in the playoffs since 1993, yes you read that correctly 1-11 with that one win coming in 2015 against the Houston fucking Texans and Brian Hoyer. So essentially this organization hasn't won a real playoff game since 1993. Here is a list of years the Kansas City Chiefs have made the playoffs since 1993: 1994 1995 1997 2003 2006 2013 2015 2016 2017 Now here is a list of every year the Chiefs lost their first home playoff game. 1995 1997 2003 2006 2013 2016 2017 The two years that weren't included (1994 and 2013) they still lost their first game, they just were on the road. "BuT doZo tHoSe tEaMs diDn't HavE paTricK mAhoMes" 
Dude, I don't give a fuck. HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO SAY I'M A NARRATIVE GUY!!? The narrative is and always will be until they prove otherwise that the Chiefs just don't "do" winning in the playoffs. Maybe it's because in football they call it year the season started season instead of when it starts and ends. Like it's just the 2018 season even though these games are played in 2019. Maybe the Chiefs over the years didn't wanna confuse people by winning during the year that wasn't mentioned in the season? Their bodies and brains can't compute that they're playing a 2018 game in 2019. Of course I'm talking about years past but just using that year for my example. Idk bro. But did you know Andy Reid has lost his last four home playoff games when favored? Have you seen this Chiefs defense? I have and they're fucking horrible. The Chiefs have lost home playoff games in a litany of different ways during this run with like 47 different quarterbacks. They've missed kicks, they haven't gotten teams off the field, they've had holdings take game tying 2 point conversions off the board, they've blown 28 point leads (granted that was on the road), and they've had QB throw touchdowns to themselves against them. So yeah, even with Patrick Mahomes I still don't believe in this organization. Which sucks too because I like the Chiefs. I'm a big fan of the old AFL and their story. Without Kareem Hunt this offense is not nearly as scary and with an average at best kicker and defense who does nothing well I'm going with history and my brain. The Colts are a much more balanced team than the Chiefs. They finished 5th in points for and 10th in points allowed. People say Arrowhead is one of the toughest places to play in the league even though every single team that goes into Arrowhead leaves with a playoff win. Until the Chiefs prove me wrong I am riding this wave. As a Patriot fan I'd rather go into KC than get the Colts at home. And the Patriots own the Colts historically, especially Andrew Luck, that's how much I don't trust the Chiefs. Taking the Colts +5.5 is for sure the smart play. If you have the balls to go straight up ML, more power to you. Colts 31 Chiefs 27 (4) Dallas Cowboys vs (2) Los Angeles Rams -7.5 8:15 PM FOX 
To me the Rams are basically the Chiefs with worse uniforms. Fantastic offense with no defense whatsoever.
At least for the Rams they're getting their star running back...back. Todd Gurley is expected to play.
They do get to play at "home" but given their lack of support and the Cowboys following it's expected to be close to 50-50 Rams-Cowboys fans at the Coliseum. I think 7.5 is a huge number for this game. As I write this I'm still not that confident in picking either team to win, but I think this game is really close. Both teams love to run the ball which should shorten the game and favors the Cowboys if they can keep the Rams off the field. I wouldn't be completed shocked to see the Rams cover since the Cowboys are a much worse team on the road (3-5), but given the fact this game is going to be played outside... in Los Angeles... in front of a ton of Cowboy fans I don't think that really matters too much. Imo the Rams need this game much more, obviously both teams want to win in the playoffs, but the Cowboys are the Cowboys. Nobody is gonna be surprised if they lose. They won their home playoff game and stole the division in a year where they started 3-5. This year was a success for the Cowboys. Dak and Garrett already earned their contract extensions. The Rams on the other hand lost their home game as a division winner last year with a prolific offense. This year they got a bye and were even better offensively, averaging 3 points a game more than 2017. Everybody loves to blow Sean McVay as this hot, smart, innovative, new style of offensive minded playing genius head coach, but if the Rams lose their first playoff game again I feel like the heat is gonna be turned up in L.A. He'd he 0-2 at home in the playoffs. Not great! I still really don't love Jared Goff as a passer either. I don't trust him in crunch time. Just looking at the guy's face tells me all I need to know. That dude just doesn't look like a Super Bowl winner. I think what plays to the Rams favor however is they are the more desperate team for all the reasons I just said, not to mention all the guys they added this off season. They are in a win now mode while Goff and Gurley are still on rookie deals. It will be a major disappoint for this franchise if they can't move on this week. The pressure could cause them to buckle, and Dak is statistically one of the best 4th quarter QB's ever, but the Cowboys have been disappointing their fans for last 20 years which is why gun to my head I think the Rams eek this game out. I think it's going to be one of the most fun games of the entire weekend, and like the Colts-Chiefs game I do love the underdog to cover. Rams 27 Cowboys 24
(5) Los Angeles Chargers vs (2) New England Patriots -4
1:05 pm Sunday CBS 
The Chargers are better than the Patriots in pretty much every category except head coach and quarterback. If you were to list out the top 30 players in this game, like 22 of them would be Chargers. The Chargers have been basically playing on the road every game for the last 2 years and with the Patriots clearly not the same team they've been the last few years everything seems to be in play for a Chargers upset. They're not scared to come into Foxboro.
I'm not gonna lie, I've lost faith at times in this Patriot team. So inconsistent. Lack of play makers. I am really pissed off at how they built this team for what is likely one of Tom Brady's final playoff runs. Fucking load up! Instead they had a mini-fire sale. They had to rely on Josh Gordon this year because they didn't address their WR depth properly this off-season. Can't blame a junkie for being a junkie (completely have changed my take from my blog about him earlier) I have been talking about betting against the Patriots in the divisional round for deep because I don't have a ton of faith in the way they've looked the last few weeks. Emotional hedge baby! That is exactly why I love the Patriots to win this game. I still think they're a long shot to win the Super Bowl, but at this point you never know? It's still Brady and Belichick, even if we can for see the end is closer than it may appear. Somewhat surprisingly despite the lack of stars defensively this unit is sound. 7th in points allowed. I like Phil Rivers a lot as a QB and he's #1 on my non-Patriots I wanna see win the Super Bowl list, but I think given the weather and the fact that the Chargers have to travel back to the east coast is huge for the Patriots. Plus he's 1-7 career against the Pats with the 1 win coming against Matt Cassel in 2008. If it snows I love the Patriots chances even more. Have the Chargers ever won a game in the snow? Serious question. Chargers being +4 is very interesting to me since they can lose by 3 and still cover, but I have this feeling the Patriots win with relative ease. It makes zero sense and I'm aware of that, but everybody seems to be ready to write the dynasty off and say it's over. Whenever that happens the Patriots seem to show why they are still the Patriots. Even with how poorly Gronk has played as of late I don't think you can write him off. If at 5 on Sunday Gronk has 7 catches for 110 and 2 touchdowns I won't be surprised. I just don't see him going out this shell of himself that he's been all year. The last thing I'll say about this game is that the Colts-Chiefs outcome will impact this game, if the Chiefs lose and the Patriots players know despite never admitting it to the media that if they win they get the AFCCG at home I love the Pats chances even more. Patriots 23 Chargers 20
(6) Philadelphia Eagles vs. (1) New Orleans Saints
4:40 PM Sunday FOX 
Defending champs against the Super Bowl favorite. Sean Payton has been game planning for this game since last year, that has to give a slight edge to the Saints.
Nick Foles Cinderella story just doesn't seem to end. After knocking off the bears 16-15 last week everybody is talking about that BDN mojo. Can he really lead the Eagles back to the Super Bowl? Part of me wants to see that just because of the terror it will cause in Philly. I would love to see them actually do the impossible and trade Carson Wentz just to see how people would react. It's nuts. The Eagles finally win a Super Bowl and they don't want that quarterback. I love the Saints roster, and the fact that Sean Payton pulled the ultimate football guy move this week by bringing in the Lombardi trophy on a stack of $250,000 telling them if they want this to win 3 fuckin games it's really hard to pick against the Saints this week. The only question I think is do they cover or not? At around 8.5 depending where you get it that gives you a lot of wiggle room as an Eagles backer, but I feel like the magic has to run out eventually. I'm not gonna touch this game but if I was I'd think taking the points is the move even though I'm about to predict a 10 point Saints win. I am so excited to watch this game and see how wild the Superdome is. I would love to see Taysom Hill find the endzone. I think Drew Brees need another Super Bowl ring to truly cement his legacy as an all-time great and he knows that. Saints 31 Eagles 21
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Normally I really don't care that much about "celebrity" marriages, but, I mean.... this is Tim Tebow. This wasn't going unsaid. This is different. This man is the likeness of the only college football jersey I'll ever own (unless my son goes D1).
Even though tbh, frankly I'm underwhelmed. This is one of the most generic "I just got engaged" tweets I've ever seen. A wordsman like Tebow has gotta do better than this.
After that heartfelt Ole Miss speech this is all you've fucking got? Come on Timmy! That was vanilla bro.
I know I've been seriously slacking on the blogs lately, and it's after 10 on a school night, but there was no way on Tebow's green earth I was going to miss this. This speaks volumes that I am even here right now and not cuddled up in my flannel sheets watching "You" on Netflix. I don't think you understand. Tim Tebow is one the most important factors that makes up my identity as the Dozah. I am the biggest Tebow guy going. Yes ,the Doz of the once noticed website DOZonlife.com. I love Tim Tebow. He's my favorite quarterback of all-time who isn't named Tom Brady. I've spent years defending his honor; both on and off the football field. I heart wobbles with love like one of his passes. I am so happy for my guy (who should 100% still be in the NFL) It's been a loooonnng time since Tebow has won; but man oh man, it feels good to win one. Tim Tebow is getting married to Miss Universe 2017, Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters. Not too shabby. It's so perfectly Tebow, marrying Miss Universe. Talk about a super-duo. They'll go circumcise the entire 3rd world together. I mean an 8 year age difference isn't that crazy, but I don't know man, the fact that Tim Tebow is marrying someone who was born in 1995 just is like, a little weird to me. Doesn't look right on paper. But whatever who cares? I'm just happy so he's really doing this. Suck it haters. Not gay!!
(even though I still don't think you can rule it out)
I remember watching her Miss Universe in my hotel room in beautiful Milford, CT while I was there for Fed-Ex training. It was horrible, I had to be clean shaven which is literally the meanest thing you can do to me. "Hey dozo here's $70 a day and free hotel for a week, but we're going to expose your fat baby face ruining any potential chance to actually use the hotel room." Appreciate it! Thank the fucking lord I am no longer working there. Back to her though... I was a fan from the start, I essentially calling that she was going to win from the moment I laid eyes on her.
Of course with Tebow getting married the infamous "is he a virgin?" shit comes up, and with that really lame jokes about him not having sex. I'm totally cool with busting balls, but just be funny. Plus I really do not think Tebow is a virgin. I mean there's just no way. I just think as a big Christian icon he had to keep that imagine. I mean there's no fucking way he could've been that stupid to pass up all the tail the biggest star in college football was promise as BMOC. I just don't get it man. I believe in God but people are so pick and chosey with the stuff they wanna really enforce. I just don't think if there is a God that's what's going to keep you out of Heaven. A piece of paper saying you're legally tied to each other? Oh okay.
Did you know in the 2015 preseason with the Eagles Tebow completed 58% of his passes?! 21-36 for 286 2 TD 1 INT 82 rushing yards 1 TD. Not bad at all! Worthy of a roster spot on one of 32 teams but that's beside the point... Anyways I was trying to make this quick but here I am already rambling. I think it's just because I'm blogging this with a Pac-10 Bill Walton game on in the background and it's influencing my style. Whatever... Let's go Tebow! Getting married! Being normal! Go Mets! P.S.
 The 2018 NFL regular season is quite unique to me in the sense of how wild open things are heading into the playoffs. There are a lot of recycled narratives in football, and we say this a lot, but I'm not sure there's ever been year in the past since the playoffs went to six teams where it seems like every team has a legitimate argument as to why they could win the Super Bowl. I like a few wild card teams chances to keep their season going next week too. I could honestly see any team in the dance winning it all. Something you never see in football, despite it being one of the more wide open sports historically when it comes to this time of year. With the lines of all these games so close, it looks like Vegas has no idea what's going to happen either. Even the good teams have giant question marks. I wouldn't be totally shocked to see road teams go 4-0 in the Wild Card Round. There's soooo many narratives and flaws with all these teams. Can the Chiefs get past history and their lack of defense to actually win the playoffs? Even with Brady and Belichick...are the Patriots too old and untalented? Bears and Ravens have fantastic defenses with exciting; yet limited QB's. Rams may have peaked too early. Can the Eagles really do it again with Foles? Do the Houston Texans matter? Is Andrew Luck fully back? Will the Saints defend the dome like 2009? Can Phil Rivers ever make it to the Super Bowl? Can Russell Wilson carry this team back to the Super Bowl? All these questions will be answered in the upcoming weeks. Let's look at this weekend's games. (6) Indianapolis Colts 10-6 v (3) Houston Texans 11-5 (-1.5) 4:35 pm ESPN  In the first ever all-AFC South playoff match-up, we have two teams who split their regular season matchups, with the road team winning each game. In week 5 you would've never guessed this would end up being a playoff matchup. The Texans started off 0-3 and the Colts were 1-5 before they turned things on. Despite a lot of shit from the outside on the quality of football, In the last two seasons all AFC south teams have made the playoffs. Easily the only division who can make that claim. I believe going into the regular season I said this was the best division in the NFL... These are two of the hotter teams in football. The Texans have lost twice since September, and the Colts are 9-1 in their last 10. The Colts did come into Houston a few weeks ago and win as 4.5 point underdogs, which is the Texans only home loss since week 3. They do say it is tough to beat the same team on the road twice in one season.. The Texans are slight favorite at -1.5. I have nooooooooooo idea what to expect this game. The Colts O line went from the worst in the NFL to the best thanks to the addition of Quenton Nelson. With the Texans strength being their D-line the Colts have a legitimate chance to keep the Texan pass rushers like J.J. and Clowney at bay. That being said the AFC South is weird AF and the early Saturday wild card game has sort of turned into the Houston Texans bowl this decade. They've played in this game in 2011, 2012, and 2015. They know this time slot and it's iggy of me to say but with that 7 year old girl getting murdered in Houston with DeAndre Hopkins saying he's using his game check to pay for the funeral makes me think this is a rally around something game for the Texans. Shit like that is what happens in sports. I expect him to go off. and for the first time in franchise history the Texans are in the playoffs with a legitimate QB. DeShaun Watson can be shaky at times, but overall he's a game changer, who has shown he loves the big stage. T.Y. Hilton is a little banged up, and I feel like everybody is on the Colts. I don't have great confidence in this pick but I do think the Texans find a way to win close game. Gun to my head I say 27-23 Texans (5) Seattle Seahawks 10-6 vs. (4) Dallas Cowboys 10-6 (-2) 8:15 PM Fox  All things considered, the Seattle Seahawks are the most surprising team in the playoffs. After an off-season that saw the official end to the Legion of Boom, the Hawks were in a time of transition. In a division with the hot, young, up and coming QBs in Jared Goff, and Jimmy Garropolo it looks like the Seahawks window was closing. Then Jimmy G went down early in the year opening the door for Seattle. Despite a lot of guys who weren't part of their 2013 and 2014 Super Bowl teams the Seahawks thanks to Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll are back. It pains me to say it, but they remind me of a west coast Patriots. It's all about the coach and QB. They've followed that formula of New England, replacing stars and still finding a way to win. Then we have the Cowboys. They were 3-5, but with how bad the NFC East was, that was right in the thick of things. They added Amari Cooper and have turned into a different team. A shutout loss to the Colts is their only loss of the 2nd half of the season. This game to be is a total toss up. Seattle is a different team on the road and have dropped some questionable road games this year, losing in Denver and San Francisco. Tough places to play for sure, but teams who didn't do much winning in 2018. Then there's the Cowboys. They seem to always find a way to lose these games. The Cowboys have won 2 playoff games since 1995 please do not forget that. I love Zeke and the linebacker play of the Cowboys, but there's just something about Russell Wilson. Something is telling me he finds a way to win this game. Dak isn't awful. but I still really don't believe in him as QB. Wouldn't be shocked to see him with a turnover that costs them late. Even with one of the biggest blunders in NFL history, I still like Pete Carroll and think he's a much better coach than clappin Jason Garrett. Seahawks 23 Cowboys 21 (5) Los Angeles Chargers 12-4 v (4) Baltimore Ravens 10-6 (-3) 1pm CBS (Sunday)  This is one of the games I'm most excited for. I love what both of these QBs do, even though they are popular opposites. This should be a really fun game. The Ravens went into L.A. and beat the Chargers in week 16 22-10 but I think that's a game you gotta throw away, the Chargers were missing all their running backs who matter. I've very interested to see how the Chargers handle Lamar Jackson for a 2nd time in 3 weeks. I really like what both of these teams do, the Ravens know who they are. They play great defense and control the clock. The Chargers have guy by guy probably the most talented roster in the NFL top to bottom. I think that if the Texans win, whoever wins this game has a great chance to go into Arrowhead and win in the divisional round. I like Phil Rivers a lot, and really want to see him go on a playoff run. He's a guy who needs a Super Bowl appearance to really get people talking about how great he's been for nearly the last 15 years. That being said having to go east for 1 o'clock game somehow still matters, and while this team has been great on the road, I like Harbaugh for the Ravens and think as long as Lamar Jackson doesn't turn the ball over, which we've seen the last few weeks he rarely does, I like the Ravens to win this one. Who knows if he'll last longterm in the NFL, but right now I love the way this team is playing behind him. They have a new jolt of life and play great defense behind him. As the GOAT Bill Belichick says, they play great complimentary football. They haven't had too many home playoff games under JH, but when they happen the Ravens win. Harbaugh is a sort of shocking 2-0 in home playoff games. Not a huge sample size, but I think it goes to 3-0 this weekend. That being said, I have a future bet at 9/1 for the Ravens to win the AFC and with the Chargers as a slight underdog I may hedge even this early in the game. Ravens 26 Chargers 24 (6) Philadephia Eagles 9-7 vs. (3) Chicago Bears 12-4 (-6.5) Fox 4:25pm (Sunday)  I give the Eagles great credit for finding away to make the playoffs. This has been a really weird season for them, and yet again here they are in the playoffs...with Nick Foles at QB.
Big Dick Nick has turned into Big Game Nick and kind of reminds me of Jim Plunkett coming in relief leading teams to Super Bowls. The Eagles to me have a ton of talent, and know what it takes to win a championship with the most important factor...great coaching. They have been the hot upset pick this weekend, and I totally get why. They have the experience against a young, unproven team. I just think everybody is sleeping on the Bears and their defense a little too much. Yes everybody will focus on the QB and how Mitch has been shaky at times this season, but this team finds a way to win with him. Their only loss since starting 3-3 was with fucking Chase Daniel so you can't hold that against them. The Bears just find a way to win with Mitch on the field, he hasn't lost since week 7. I would not be surprised at all if the Eagles won this game, and I think taking the points is a smart play, and Eagles ML is the best value of the weekend. I just think this Bears defense is a fucking problem. Mack has been the new monster of the midway, Eddie Jackson is an absolute play maker, and I think it took so much for the Eagles to make it this far that they don't have enough in the tank to beat the Bears in Chicago. The one thing that worries me about the Bears is their special teams. I don't trust Cody Parkey outside of 35 yards. Bears 21 Eagles 17  PROVIDENCE — The Foxy Lady strip club will be allowed to reopen as it fights an appeal of the decision to close it permanently, the Rhode Island Supreme Court ruled Thursday. The order Thursday afternoon gave the club its entertainment license back and agreed to take up the case for full arguments, on the calendar for April. In the meantime, the Chalkstone Avenue club, which was ordered closed the day after three prostitution arrests there on Dec. 11, will be allowed to operate again — just without its “VIP” area. It’s unclear when the club will be able to actually open its doors again. The ruling comes after a separate appeal, of the revocation of its liquor licenses, scored an early win at the Department of Business Regulation: a hearing officer for the state said the club could get a liquor license back, but first had to meet with the city to discuss its business and security plan. At that time, the club had not yet gotten its entertainment license back. The Foxy Lady was on the city Board of Licenses agenda Thursday night, but was pulled at the request of the club before the state Supreme Court ruling. An attorney for the Foxy Lady did not immediately respond to a request for comment. The court’s decision also referred the case to mediation, usually a sign that the court is prodding both sides to settle their differences. The ruling also gave its food license back; the liquor license was not before the Supreme Court. After closing the club temporarily in the immediate aftermath of the prostitution arrests, the city Board of Licenses voted on Dec. 19 to permanently revoke all of the club’s licenses, shutting it down for good — unless the club succeeded in an appeal. So far, the club has done just that, winning permission from the state and the state’s high court to open while it angles for a full decision. The Department of Business Regulation and state Supreme Court could still ultimately decide to uphold the city’s punishment, but until then, the club will be back in business. City leaders said the club was, in the words of a police major, a “prostitution parlor.” The club, on the other hand, denied it had any knowledge of prostitution at the Foxy Lady, and warned that the loss of its licenses during a potentially lengthy appeal could put it out of business and 225 people out of work. An undercover investigation on the evening of Dec. 11 ended with the arrests of three dancers. The dancers offered the undercover officers “anything” they wanted in private VIP rooms, for $300. In one case, police said, a dancer groped a detective and explicitly offered sex; another offered oral sex, according to police reports. via: www.providencejournal.com/news/20190103/ri-supreme-court-allows-foxy-lady-to-reopen She's back!!! Thank God. I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear this news. If you didn't read the actual ProJo article and went straight to my take......thank you :) Long story, short; undercover cops busted the open secret that strippers at Foxy Lady will let you do whatever the heck you want for a mere 3 pieces of paper with a picture of dude who wasn't even President. They needed to go undercover to prove that strippers will suck your dick, because there definitely isn't real crime to worry about. That being said, I am relieved, and happy to see the place re-open. It is one less thing for me to worry about. Now for short story, long; I have been back on my bullshit (ubering). On December 8th just three days before the cops broke the big mystery, I brought a young lady, around my age all the way to New fucking Bedford and back to drop off her kid to her baby daddy then drop her off at work... at Foxy Lady. Normally, I really don't love getting into conversations with passengers. I am in uber strictly for the cash. It is purely business to me at this point, I'm not 24 anymore. Just get in my car, shut the fuck up and give me your money while we listen to music that I'd assume you'd like by glancing at you in my rear-view mirror because I don't care enough to ask anymore. However with a ride this long I got myself into some good old fashioned small talk. This elevated to medium talk rather quickly when she revealed to me the fact that she is a bartender at "F-O-X-Y". I love how she told me like that so much. As to not spill the beans to her like at least 6 year old son, who was watching a movie on her phone. Like he knows what's going on? Which the more I think about... it makes no fucking sense. If he knows that Foxy is G damn Strippy, I would think he also knows how to spell it? I mean what kind of kid knows what strip clubs are and the stigmas of having your mother work there? While also is unable to identify it while being spelled out. If you know what a stripper is, but not how to spell foxy there are bigger problems than the fact mommy is colleagues with them. Anyways, once her son was with his father, the levy was broken. I just had a million questions about working at a strip club. I'm not even a big strip club guy. Ask any of my friends, I was just fascinated about what it's like to work at a strip club. Especially as a "bartender". Oh the things she's must've witnessed. Throughout our chat she was adamant to tell me she was not a stripper, and that she does not get down like that. Kind of judgmental about it, which to me is ironic, I mean you still work at a strip club. It's not like you sell bibles, lady. But I mean good for her, I definitely respected her more knowing she's not a stripper, but I'm also not like anti-stripper in a career choice sense. Do what ya gotta do, and if you're hot enough for men to spend money to see you naked I say chase that money while you can, because like a pro athlete this won't last forever. Get paid girl! That being said there's a stigma, and it's the choice you made. It's the trade you made, baby. As we climbed the conversation tree, we happened to step on the "yes, the strippers do fuck customers" branch in our nearly two hours together. Of course I was enamored, but not surprised as I am a 27 year old Rhode Island man. I have friends. I know what goes down. But it's just different to hear it from the horse's mouth, or in this case like, the stableboy's mouth. And wouldn't you know a mere few days later the fucking cops bust Foxy Lady for having prostitutes, shutting down the entire place, putting nearly 200 people out of work. Did I feel like a total ass hole or what? Now I mean, this chick could've definitely not remembered our chats, as she was calling to check in on her kid like 4 times on the hour ride back. Her head was focused on more important (to her) things. But I'd like to think she'd remember that only a few days before she had a pretty detailed conversation about how the sausage is made with her uber driver on a two hour round trip to drop off her son to visit his father, whomst she's no longer romantically involved with.... before her shift at the strippy. Needless to say I felt awful, I mean I definitely do not fit the undercover cop description as I have long hair and am the size of Vince Wilfork, but who knows what this chick thinks? Maybe I'm working in getting people to open up to the harmless uber driver in exchange for a slice of all the weed they've seized? So in my eyes the last couple weeks I've been the guy who she probably thinks told the cops, that yes, it's true, some strippers are Foxy are basically hookers. I'm why this lady isn't working. Fuck. So thank you, Rhody Supreme Court for putting this chick back to work (Eventually). At least I know she will be able to support her kid. And I mean in a way maybe no VIP room means more tips for her since now more people will be in the main area? I just want to say officially on my blog, in my first posting of the year of lord 2019, to the single mother working as a bartender at Foxy Lady, I did not tell the fucking cops. I got your back, and I really appreciate you paying me in cash on the way back. p.s. I love how the state takes this fake moral high-ground about prostitution, in Rhode Island of all states. A state as clean as the rag your dad has used to change the oil in your car for the last 9 years. They only care cause they aren't getting a piece of the pie. Fuck the loser hardo cops going undercover busting strippers for being basically strippers. Go break up a gang or something. Buddy is rolling in his grave. double p.s. Foxy keeping it's lights on the entire time it was closed was such a fucking power move. They knew this was just a minor setback for a major comeback.  Song: Somebody Else (Live on Seth Meyers) Artist: The 1975 Album: I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It (obvi copy + paste) Josh Gordon Is Taking A Leave of Absence From the NFL For "Mental Health"/ Got Suspended Again12/20/2018 
I mean, it sucks, dude. There's no sugar coating it. The Pats already bleak Super Bowl chances have taken a serious hit. After dropping two straight games (that frankly they shouldn't have) they now have lost something much worse than a road game in Miami; they've lost #1 WR Josh Gordon.
Gordon announced earlier today that he's "stepping away from the football field for a bit to focus on mental health". — Flash Gordon (@JOSH_GORDONXII) December 20, 2018
It was announced shortly thereafter that he would be receiving an indefinite suspension for violating the terms of his reinstatement.
I know the majority of football fans aren't going to shed a tear for the Patriots catching a bad break, but in the extremely reactionary league that is the NFL this really hurts their Super Bowl chances for the time being. Brady has looked old at times, and has had major mistakes in the red zone the last two games, but with Josh in the mix, you still felt like he had a classic 8 catch 140 yard 2 TD game in him. I was really expecting a breakout come playoff time, and was really excited to see what he'd do. The Patriots haven't had a guy as dynamic as him since Randy Moss. Although with the current mess that is the AFC, despite poor performances the last two games, you cannot count this team out. Even without Josh Gordon. Who knows? This may be the rallying cry this team with no identity needed.
Josh Gordon, while not back his 2013 self, showed huge strides this season and looked like the latest guy to get fixed (at least for the time being) in the Patriot Way. He was saying the right things, doing the right things, hell he was even locker mates with Tom Brady, 
While he wasn't racking up monster double digit catch games, he was performing at a high level pretty much from the start when he got to New England.
His yards per catch numbers were very close to his monster league leading 2013 campaign. In 2013 he averaged 18.9 yards a reception. While in New England he was averaging 18.0 yards a reception. His 720 receiving yards lead the team.
What makes this story interesting is the term mental health being throw into the mix. The topic of mental health and what exactly it means has been one of the hottest going in the current social climate. I definitely think it's a real thing that needs to be addressed, and something I think most, if not all people can struggle with. I'm not Josh Gordon so I don't know what the fuck is going on in his brain but part of me does wonder if he's just another dude who really loves weed? Maybe that's it? Mental Health is the new "feminine problems" where you can just say that and people stop asking questions. I'm not saying it isn't a real issue, I'm just saying there are for sure people hitching their wagon to the mental health train in order to justify their poor choices in a way that won't have much follow up. It's only human to wonder that as he released his statement hours before the news he's going to be suspended broke. One thing I'm really sick and tired of people using the term drug addict or anything like that when referring to Josh since the dude is smoking weed. He's not an addict. He's not on heroin, or fentanyl. The dude likes to get down with some jazz cabbage. It's not the same thing and if you cannot see that idk what else to tell you other than that we're probably not gonna get along. Maybe he's got some serious shit going on where he feels like he needs to get high to cope with it? I don't think that's a very outrageous claim to make even without many facts. Literally millions of people use marijuana recreationally and are still upstanding members of society. Meanwhile cigarettes are totally cool and completely legal despite the millions of documented cases of them being fast-forward buttons to an early grave. Got it! Unlike mental health, with weed the stigma is almost all the way gone. Definitely not a finished battle, but it's one that overtime weed will win. The money that stands to be made isn't going to keep getting passed up. Same reason why Rhode Island just legalized sports gambling. Weed is fully legal in Canada, 10 states and decriminalized in many more. I think what we need to look at is the rules in place in the NFL and all sports. Kareem Hunt abused a woman and will be back in the league before Josh Gordon. That to me is not right. If you think smoking pot is worse than physically harming somebody you're a fucking idiot and I'm not sorry for calling you one. The fact that these women beaters can get chance after chance when what they're doing is fundamentally, without question worse is asinine. Josh Gordon has had his chances too, there's no denying that, but to me this suspension stems down to a deeper issue in this country with the way we treat drug related offenses. Instead of throwing people in jail or not letting them work maybe actually try to help them? Many are saying he may now be out of chances, and considering this is about to be his 5th suspension, I get it. But dude, at the end of the day this guy is fucking smoking weed. It's lunacy. It's legal in 20% of this country. I don't understand how anybody with a straight face can truly believe this should stop anybody from being a pro athlete. Who gives a fuck what entertainers do? Their job isn't to be role models, it's to entertain. Should actors and rockstars have to stay sober too? Because if that's the case the writing on every funny show on tv and quality of all music is going to suffer. MLB and NBA basically already have stopped worrying about their athletes smoking weed because it's an unwinnable battle. It's what young people do. I'd rather have my star WR staying in and getting high watching Viceland than going out getting shit faced where there are far more dangerous things that could happen afterwards. One of the dollar store takes I'm seeing around the internet is that for all the money he's making he should be able to stop. I think that is incredibly misinformed and better proves that there is a serious issue with Josh. Idk maybe he is just an idiot? But to me, the more likely thing is there is a deeper issue. I hate saying I hope Josh gets the help he needs, because when people say that about weed it drives me crazy. I don't want him to stop smoking, if that makes him happy and helps him get through life I'm cool with it. If there is a more serious issue deeper beneath the surface I hope he can get that figured out. The Patriots seem to be fucked, but I didn't think this team was going to make the Super Bowl even with Josh Gordon. If anything it makes the inevitable easier to deal with. Don't get me started on the Brady window closing, and the mismanagement of talent on this team because that is a completely different blog in itself. To end this blog like a 8th grader, in conclusion this sucks. The Pats knew what they were getting into with Josh, but I honestly forgot that this was an issue with Josh because things seemed so back to normal with him. Losing to the Ravens at home in the Wild Card round is going to fucking suck. Oh well, at least the Red Sox won the World Series. 
Song: Better Days Artist: Citizen King Album: Mobile Estates Josh Gordon blog coming next. 
The Patriots and Steelers are set for another heavyweight clash Sunday with AFC playoff seeding implications on the line, but Pittsburgh’s backup running back also has some beef to settle with his old team.
Stevan Ridley said the Patriots “trashed” him after he tore his ACL and MCL playing in the final year of his rookie contract for them in 2014. “I was trashed after an injury,” Ridley told the Boston Herald. “I’m just going to put it that way. I’m not going to say specifically, but to be a starter for (the Patriots) for four years, to tear my ACL and never get a call back, that’s a tough pill to swallow.” Since then, Ridley has spent time with seven different teams — including the Jets in 2015 — and rushed for only 265 yards. But he’s been waiting for another shot at the Patriots. “I’m very open and I have to be real: I want this game more than any other game, man,” Ridley said. “That’s just the bottom line to it. And it’ll be that way from this year until I go in the grave. I’m just that kind of person.” Since his departure, the Patriots have not had a steady long-term running back, which Ridley seems to believe he could have been for them. “And now they’re still looking for a running back to try to come in and play — how many running backs have been through there to try to give them some consistency as a quote-unquote first or second down back?” Ridley said. “They’re still looking for it right now. Yeah, it’s very personal. It is.” Plenty of carries opened up this season in Pittsburgh when Le’Veon Bell decided to hold out without a new contract, but James Conner earned the heavy share of them. Conner has since been injured, but now rookie Jaylen Samuels has emerged as the featured back. Still, Ridley will be running with some extra motivation Sunday whenever he gets the ball. “That’s my old team. [The departure] really hadn’t sat well, and I’m a competitor,” Ridley told Pittsburgh media Thursday. “I’m going to compete. To have the opportunity to be out there on the field, going against my old team, you can bet it. I’m fired up about it and I’m excited.” via: nypost.com/2018/12/14/patriots-treated-me-like-trash-after-injury-stevan-ridley/
I don't even know where to begin?
I guess... first off credit to Stevan Ridley for fighting to stay in the league the last few years? I mean power to the guy for hanging around. Seriously. They say the average NFL career is only 3.5 years, and considering Ridley has done next to nothing in the last 3.5 years all you can really say is "good for you, dude". Since the Patriots let him go after the 2014 season Stevan Ridley has a grand total of 265 rushing yard, and still somehow gets to collect a paycheck. Which is absolutely wild to me. Like what are the Steelers even doing? There has to be some better options that have come out of college the last two years? One of Ridley's replacements in 2014; the famous one-game-wonder Jonas Gray rushed for more than that in a single game. With no value in the passing game or in special teams whatsoever; just an old shitty one dimensional running back, Ridley should be counting his lucky stars his NFL career has lasted this long. The only guy Stevan Ridley has a right to be mad at.......... is Stevan Ridley. 
Maybe it's time this guy looked himself in the mirror more than he already does, and take some responsibility for his actions? 11 fumbles during his time in New England, and the fact that he was already declining, in addition to a torn ACL is why he's gone. Kid Cudi simple as that. Patriots were never going to give him a second contract, even had he stayed healthy. My favorite part of the article is how he says he was the starting running back for 4 years. LOL! Starting games in four different season is not the same thing as being a four-year starter. That's like me saying I've been to San Francisco because I had a lay-over in the airport once. Any Patriot fan who pays attention knows that's not true at all. He had 87 carries as rookie in 2011; 29 of which came in the final three games of the year.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis (who NEVER fumbled as a New England Patriot) was the starting running back in 2011.
Ridley missed most of 2014 to injury and lost his starting job to LeGarrette Blount in 2013. 2012 is the only season of Ridley's career when he was the full-time starter. To his credit Ridley was really good in 2012. He rushed for a dozen touchdowns and almost 1300 yards. But holding onto the ball was his biggest issue. 
Saying he was the starting running back for four years just is a flat out lie, and this isn't like your uncle lying about high school football in 1974. We can find out with 12 seconds worth of research. If he's going to lie about that in an interview, then I wouldn't be shocked to see he's lying about the Patriots bashing him; especially since he gave zero examples of how.
Steven Ridley all things considered just isn't a very good running back and hasn't been in years. He's basically a one-year wonder who couldn't hold onto the football. That's why he's had minimal to no success since leaving Foxboro. Not because of anything the team may or may not have said. I wouldn't be surprised to see him have a goal-line touchdown to try and "stick it" to the Pats this weekend but overall the Patriots are in a much better place without Ridley. I hope the Steelers try to use him a ton. If Steven Ridley is your key to a game in 2018, fucking go wild bro! It would be perfectly Mike Tomlin to give him a bunch of goal-line carries instead of getting it to a playmaker like A.B or juju. Despite him saying they haven't had a true 1st and 2nd down back LaGarrette Blount rushed for 18 touchdowns and a 1000+ yards in 2016 ...so I don't know where he's getting those facts? Plus it's not 2003 anymore, a lot of good teams have shown the running back by committee formula to be superior. Unless you have a Todd Gurley or Saqaun Barkley type it makes sense to specialize the RB spot. Most importantly, since Ridley's last carry with the team the Patriots have won two Super Bowls and played in another. I'd say they've also had at least 3 running backs who he couldn't hold a candle to in Blount, Lewis and White. But sure they need you and made a huge mistake letting you go. Enjoy being a part of a yearly tradition: the Patriots beating the Steelers. UPDATE: P.S. Stevan Ridley name searches himself or has an app that like flags his name or something? Jesus dude, I'm a fat fake blogger with under 400 followers. Idk either way thanks for reading!
I present basically day old news with a heavy heart; Joe Kelly is going to Hollywood.
Sad to see him go, but it's the perfect spot for a guy with personality and flare like Jimmy B.
Hey, Ryan....fuck you!
Oh how things have changed. I for one am really bummed to see Joe Kelly go.
Any realist Red Sox fan sadly knew they weren't gonna be able to keep everybody together. Even the rich have their limits. After bringing back Nathan Eovaldi for 4 years 69ish million; the odds of Jim Buchanan staying in Boston seemed improbable. I guess the Red Sox weren't comfortable with the kinda of length (that's what she said) or money the Dodgers were willing to give? Kelly signed a 3 year 25 million dollar contract with L.A.
I'll always love him for his off the field antics and persona, but first let's talk actual baseball.
The former St. Louis Cardinal starter came to the Sox in July of 2014 in a deal that sent Joe and Allen Craig into (at the time) 4 Yawkey Way in exchange for 2013 hero John Lackey. Allen Craig went bad quicker than an avocado in a warm, wet environment. He was essentially worthless over his brief stint in Boston. John Lackey had a solid year and a half with the Cards before filling out the back of the rotation for Cubs late in his career; playing a significant role with the 2016 curse-breaking Cubs. I think with the trade officially hitting it's natural end, as no players remaining on any team you can safely say the Red Sox won that trade. Shipping off one World Series hero for another. After being exclusively used as a starter in 2014 and 2015 Kelly moved into the pen in 2016. Although his important pitching stats weren't that great in 2016 he went 4-0, and won 15 straight decisions from 2015-2017. Just a weird Joe Kelly stat. Real stats: 5.18 era 40 IP over 20 (6 starts) appearances in '16. Not good. 2017 was when things started to click for Joe. A guy who always had great velocity; but seemed to lack that special "stuff" aka movement. Kelly was throwing batting practice... just at 99 mph. It finally came together in his best overall season with the club. 4-1 with a 2.79 ERA over 58.0 innings made in 54 appearances. 1.193 whip. 164 ERA+ (whatever the fuck that means?) 50 strikeouts and only 27 walks. In the a quick playoff exit Joe Kelly picked up the Red Sox lone postseason win in 2017 going 1.1 scoreless in game 3. 2018 was a roller coaster for Joe. After a nightmare Opening Day he went on a hot streak. There was a streak where his era was like 0.37 for a month. In May he pitched 14 .1 innings allowing only 5 hits and ERA of 0.63 won 3 games That came off the heals of cementing his spot in Red Sox lore in an April fight against the Yankees.
Absolute stud. L.A. cool guy like you read about. In hindsight the writing was on the wall, but I'm so glad we got to have you, Joe.
When he watched games from the bleachers during his suspension after the fight is when Joe Kelly won the heart of any Red Sox fan actually paying attention at the time.
And the Joe Kelly Fight Club was officially a thing.
2018 was for sure a bumpy ride for Joe. Right when it seemed like the Red Sox found their 8th inning guy, he puts together back to back months with an over 8.00 ERA, SHEESH! After a solid August, like a a shitty transition, he started slipping again.
But, like the lovable "those guys" of championships past, your Derek Lowe, Mark Bellhorn, Jonny Gomes (not IMO) Kelly stepped up when it mattered most; in October.
Joe struck out the side in the 8th inning of a World Series clinching game in his final appearance as a Red Sox.
Joe saved his absolute best for the 2018 postseason:
0.79 ERA over 11.1 innings. 13 strikeouts, and two big wins. 
In a way it's almost a good thing. Our final memories of Joe Kelly will be him locking down the late innings for the 108 win Boston Red Sox en route to a World Series title. In October Joe Kelly had the best month of his entire life. His entire tenure was consistently inconsistent. It ended perfectly with literally the highest of highs, which we know Joe Kelly usually was ;) Now if he's going to turn into some elite reliever obviously I'm going to be even more upset, but from a baseball standpoint this might have not been the worst move. I understand not wanting to commit to a guy with the highs and lows of Joe Kelly. He's forever a champion and a major reason why the Red Sox beat the Dodgers in the World Series. We saw with Ryan Madson how important relieve pitching can be.
Goodbye, and best of luck (but not too much, as to make Sox look awful) to Joe Kelly.
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