The Patriots and Steelers are set for another heavyweight clash Sunday with AFC playoff seeding implications on the line, but Pittsburgh’s backup running back also has some beef to settle with his old team.
Stevan Ridley said the Patriots “trashed” him after he tore his ACL and MCL playing in the final year of his rookie contract for them in 2014. “I was trashed after an injury,” Ridley told the Boston Herald. “I’m just going to put it that way. I’m not going to say specifically, but to be a starter for (the Patriots) for four years, to tear my ACL and never get a call back, that’s a tough pill to swallow.” Since then, Ridley has spent time with seven different teams — including the Jets in 2015 — and rushed for only 265 yards. But he’s been waiting for another shot at the Patriots. “I’m very open and I have to be real: I want this game more than any other game, man,” Ridley said. “That’s just the bottom line to it. And it’ll be that way from this year until I go in the grave. I’m just that kind of person.” Since his departure, the Patriots have not had a steady long-term running back, which Ridley seems to believe he could have been for them. “And now they’re still looking for a running back to try to come in and play — how many running backs have been through there to try to give them some consistency as a quote-unquote first or second down back?” Ridley said. “They’re still looking for it right now. Yeah, it’s very personal. It is.” Plenty of carries opened up this season in Pittsburgh when Le’Veon Bell decided to hold out without a new contract, but James Conner earned the heavy share of them. Conner has since been injured, but now rookie Jaylen Samuels has emerged as the featured back. Still, Ridley will be running with some extra motivation Sunday whenever he gets the ball. “That’s my old team. [The departure] really hadn’t sat well, and I’m a competitor,” Ridley told Pittsburgh media Thursday. “I’m going to compete. To have the opportunity to be out there on the field, going against my old team, you can bet it. I’m fired up about it and I’m excited.” via: nypost.com/2018/12/14/patriots-treated-me-like-trash-after-injury-stevan-ridley/
I don't even know where to begin?
I guess... first off credit to Stevan Ridley for fighting to stay in the league the last few years? I mean power to the guy for hanging around. Seriously. They say the average NFL career is only 3.5 years, and considering Ridley has done next to nothing in the last 3.5 years all you can really say is "good for you, dude". Since the Patriots let him go after the 2014 season Stevan Ridley has a grand total of 265 rushing yard, and still somehow gets to collect a paycheck. Which is absolutely wild to me. Like what are the Steelers even doing? There has to be some better options that have come out of college the last two years? One of Ridley's replacements in 2014; the famous one-game-wonder Jonas Gray rushed for more than that in a single game. With no value in the passing game or in special teams whatsoever; just an old shitty one dimensional running back, Ridley should be counting his lucky stars his NFL career has lasted this long. The only guy Stevan Ridley has a right to be mad at.......... is Stevan Ridley. 
Maybe it's time this guy looked himself in the mirror more than he already does, and take some responsibility for his actions? 11 fumbles during his time in New England, and the fact that he was already declining, in addition to a torn ACL is why he's gone. Kid Cudi simple as that. Patriots were never going to give him a second contract, even had he stayed healthy. My favorite part of the article is how he says he was the starting running back for 4 years. LOL! Starting games in four different season is not the same thing as being a four-year starter. That's like me saying I've been to San Francisco because I had a lay-over in the airport once. Any Patriot fan who pays attention knows that's not true at all. He had 87 carries as rookie in 2011; 29 of which came in the final three games of the year.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis (who NEVER fumbled as a New England Patriot) was the starting running back in 2011.
Ridley missed most of 2014 to injury and lost his starting job to LeGarrette Blount in 2013. 2012 is the only season of Ridley's career when he was the full-time starter. To his credit Ridley was really good in 2012. He rushed for a dozen touchdowns and almost 1300 yards. But holding onto the ball was his biggest issue. 
Saying he was the starting running back for four years just is a flat out lie, and this isn't like your uncle lying about high school football in 1974. We can find out with 12 seconds worth of research. If he's going to lie about that in an interview, then I wouldn't be shocked to see he's lying about the Patriots bashing him; especially since he gave zero examples of how.
Steven Ridley all things considered just isn't a very good running back and hasn't been in years. He's basically a one-year wonder who couldn't hold onto the football. That's why he's had minimal to no success since leaving Foxboro. Not because of anything the team may or may not have said. I wouldn't be surprised to see him have a goal-line touchdown to try and "stick it" to the Pats this weekend but overall the Patriots are in a much better place without Ridley. I hope the Steelers try to use him a ton. If Steven Ridley is your key to a game in 2018, fucking go wild bro! It would be perfectly Mike Tomlin to give him a bunch of goal-line carries instead of getting it to a playmaker like A.B or juju. Despite him saying they haven't had a true 1st and 2nd down back LaGarrette Blount rushed for 18 touchdowns and a 1000+ yards in 2016 ...so I don't know where he's getting those facts? Plus it's not 2003 anymore, a lot of good teams have shown the running back by committee formula to be superior. Unless you have a Todd Gurley or Saqaun Barkley type it makes sense to specialize the RB spot. Most importantly, since Ridley's last carry with the team the Patriots have won two Super Bowls and played in another. I'd say they've also had at least 3 running backs who he couldn't hold a candle to in Blount, Lewis and White. But sure they need you and made a huge mistake letting you go. Enjoy being a part of a yearly tradition: the Patriots beating the Steelers. UPDATE: P.S. Stevan Ridley name searches himself or has an app that like flags his name or something? Jesus dude, I'm a fat fake blogger with under 400 followers. Idk either way thanks for reading!
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I present basically day old news with a heavy heart; Joe Kelly is going to Hollywood.
Sad to see him go, but it's the perfect spot for a guy with personality and flare like Jimmy B.
Hey, Ryan....fuck you!
Oh how things have changed. I for one am really bummed to see Joe Kelly go.
Any realist Red Sox fan sadly knew they weren't gonna be able to keep everybody together. Even the rich have their limits. After bringing back Nathan Eovaldi for 4 years 69ish million; the odds of Jim Buchanan staying in Boston seemed improbable. I guess the Red Sox weren't comfortable with the kinda of length (that's what she said) or money the Dodgers were willing to give? Kelly signed a 3 year 25 million dollar contract with L.A.
I'll always love him for his off the field antics and persona, but first let's talk actual baseball.
The former St. Louis Cardinal starter came to the Sox in July of 2014 in a deal that sent Joe and Allen Craig into (at the time) 4 Yawkey Way in exchange for 2013 hero John Lackey. Allen Craig went bad quicker than an avocado in a warm, wet environment. He was essentially worthless over his brief stint in Boston. John Lackey had a solid year and a half with the Cards before filling out the back of the rotation for Cubs late in his career; playing a significant role with the 2016 curse-breaking Cubs. I think with the trade officially hitting it's natural end, as no players remaining on any team you can safely say the Red Sox won that trade. Shipping off one World Series hero for another. After being exclusively used as a starter in 2014 and 2015 Kelly moved into the pen in 2016. Although his important pitching stats weren't that great in 2016 he went 4-0, and won 15 straight decisions from 2015-2017. Just a weird Joe Kelly stat. Real stats: 5.18 era 40 IP over 20 (6 starts) appearances in '16. Not good. 2017 was when things started to click for Joe. A guy who always had great velocity; but seemed to lack that special "stuff" aka movement. Kelly was throwing batting practice... just at 99 mph. It finally came together in his best overall season with the club. 4-1 with a 2.79 ERA over 58.0 innings made in 54 appearances. 1.193 whip. 164 ERA+ (whatever the fuck that means?) 50 strikeouts and only 27 walks. In the a quick playoff exit Joe Kelly picked up the Red Sox lone postseason win in 2017 going 1.1 scoreless in game 3. 2018 was a roller coaster for Joe. After a nightmare Opening Day he went on a hot streak. There was a streak where his era was like 0.37 for a month. In May he pitched 14 .1 innings allowing only 5 hits and ERA of 0.63 won 3 games That came off the heals of cementing his spot in Red Sox lore in an April fight against the Yankees.
Absolute stud. L.A. cool guy like you read about. In hindsight the writing was on the wall, but I'm so glad we got to have you, Joe.
When he watched games from the bleachers during his suspension after the fight is when Joe Kelly won the heart of any Red Sox fan actually paying attention at the time.
And the Joe Kelly Fight Club was officially a thing.
2018 was for sure a bumpy ride for Joe. Right when it seemed like the Red Sox found their 8th inning guy, he puts together back to back months with an over 8.00 ERA, SHEESH! After a solid August, like a a shitty transition, he started slipping again.
But, like the lovable "those guys" of championships past, your Derek Lowe, Mark Bellhorn, Jonny Gomes (not IMO) Kelly stepped up when it mattered most; in October.
Joe struck out the side in the 8th inning of a World Series clinching game in his final appearance as a Red Sox.
Joe saved his absolute best for the 2018 postseason:
0.79 ERA over 11.1 innings. 13 strikeouts, and two big wins. 
In a way it's almost a good thing. Our final memories of Joe Kelly will be him locking down the late innings for the 108 win Boston Red Sox en route to a World Series title. In October Joe Kelly had the best month of his entire life. His entire tenure was consistently inconsistent. It ended perfectly with literally the highest of highs, which we know Joe Kelly usually was ;) Now if he's going to turn into some elite reliever obviously I'm going to be even more upset, but from a baseball standpoint this might have not been the worst move. I understand not wanting to commit to a guy with the highs and lows of Joe Kelly. He's forever a champion and a major reason why the Red Sox beat the Dodgers in the World Series. We saw with Ryan Madson how important relieve pitching can be.
Goodbye, and best of luck (but not too much, as to make Sox look awful) to Joe Kelly.
As a music lover this is one of my favorite annual blogs to make. My favorite songs of the past calendar year. It's not going to be like your run of the mill "best of 2018" post because you won't see all the artist (but some!) that the sheeple love to eat up. No Ariana Grande, or Cardi B here! There's so much garbage music nowadays getting blown up, it makes zero sense to me. How anybody on earth enjoys 6ix9ine over Greta Van Fleet blows my mind.
I'm switching things up this year and making it a Top 20 of 2018; instead of top whatever number the year is. The more the merrier! Still trying to stay true to my "it had to of come out this calendar year" rules, although if a song didn't gain popularity in the U.S. until this year I kind of bend that one. When you start paying $220 a year to have a blog that is read by 14 people-- you can start making your own rules. Another rule is a there is a max of 2 songs by any artist on the list. If this didn't exist, the list would look much different. Plus since society is all about forced diversity just for diversities sake why not letit bleed into DOLolol? This year was kind of a disappointing year in music for me. Highlighted by the untimely deaths of XXX and Mac Miller. A bunch of bands I like came out with albums that to me personally left more to be desired. Mumford and Sons, Florence + the machine, Arctic Monkeys come to mind immediately. Not horrible, but for sure not their best work. I consider myself a big music guy and try to listen to more new stuff to broaden my horizons. However recently, much like how I'll search Netflix 45 minutes just to end up back on The Office, I now will just end listening to the same "older" from 2015 that I like better. Recency bias for sure is a factor in these lists, I can barely remember key moments from the 2018 Red Sox World Series run, and that is hands down my favorite event of 2018, you really expect me to remember a song I loved in March???? Without further ado this is the Doz on Life Top 20 songs of 2018 countdown. I hope you enjoy! If you have apple music add me @rhodydoz for the playlist.
20. "Flip The Switch" Quavo featuring Drake
Unfortunately unable to get the full version on youtube.
"You was in your 20's in the 90's" is such an interesting insult that puts my brain in a figurative pretzel. I actually really enjoyed Quavo's solo album. Two titans of the game working together. What a nice thing to see. Flip it!!!!
19. "Light On" Maggie Rogers
Maggie Rogers is so fucking talented, her voice is unbelievable, she could sing you an eviction notice and you'd be alright afterwards. I can still remember the first time I heard her, I found her EP on apple music while going for a walk on a bike path during my brief stink in Nashville. If you haven't heard her story about how she was discovered it's something I highly recommend checking out.
18. "Cemetery" Coin
Coin; the artist who topped my best of 2016 chart is back with this dark, yet light hearted track "Cemetery" telling the story of a guy who put work and money above love and family, but at least he's the richest man in the cemetery. It's catchy af, I love the chorus. Coin is a band I thought would've blown up after Talk Too Much, but it's nice to see them still making solid alt rock. They remind me a vampire weekend a ton; not bad company to be a part of.
17. "When The Certain Falls" Greta Van Fleet
These Michigan rockers broke onto the scene last year with their debut EP "Black Smoke Rising". After another EP, and their debut album "Anthem for the Peaceful Army" GVF has become on of the most well known bands in the dying genre that is Rock n Roll. Sure they sound an awful lot like Led Zeppelin, but there are countless acts throughout music history with sounds of the bands that inspired them. GVF is unlike any other act in music today, they're young, they're fun and they're refreshing. It's nice to hear people with actual talent on the radio once and a while. When the Curtain Falls has that car-chase scene in a movie feel to it, and is just a solid song to rock out to. A true rarity in 2018.
16. "Guiding Light" Mumford and Sons
Big Mumford and Sons guy. I wish I had known they were gonna surprise everybody at the Folk Fest because I for sure still wouldn't have gone since tickets are like 800 bucks. After straying away from their signature sound in 2015's Wilder Mind, Mumford and Sons have gone back to their more stripped down, folky roots. I don't love Delta, although in their defense I've only listened to it once so far. Guiding Light is a nice love song, though. Which is nice. Wow what a review!
15. "Stir Fry" Migos
I have dipped my toe in the rap game again, and with the Migos I like a lot of their music, but I also think a ton of it is absolute trash. Walk It Like I Talk It is one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my entire life and it bums me out they wasted such a cool music video concept on that song. Despite all the shit I just talked I fucking love Stir Fry. It's a banger. It's fun. Lot of cool sounds going on it. I dig the whistles. It has a really easy "dance" to go along with it, which for a rhythm-less, fat, white dude is much appreciated. Stir Fry bangs and is associated with a lot of fun memories from earlier in this year. Very worthy of a spot on my list.
14. "Hunger" Florence + The Machine
Hunger opens up letting you know some demons the goddess known as Florence Welch has dealt with. I'm sorry you felt that way Flo! Just know dozo loves you, and your 2016 show in Mansfield is still the best show I've ever been to. Hunger, despite the opening, builds up to that classic Florence + the Machine sound full of like 38 different instruments, some perfectly placed claps and stomps and of course Florence's backbreaking vocals. In an album that left me rather let down, Hunger is for sure the highlight and saving grace.
13. "Salvation" Tash Sultana
Tash Sultana for those unaware of her (sorry I can't say that cause she's [oops again!] non-binary). While I do think that whole craze is idiotic, I can look past it because the music Tash makes is phenomenal. Perfect relaxing, chill out, vibey music. Tash plays like 49 instruments and has a voice more soothing than a mother's hug. Her debut album "Flow State" is a must listen. Salvation takes us on a journey that I don't want to have end any time soon.
12. "PASS OUT" Quavo (featuring 21 Savage)
Musically this isn't going to be what they are teaching freshmen at Berkley, but it still has value. This song has some funny ass lines highlighted by "yellow diamonds on me, they pissy". Just a solid song to be in the background when you definitely aren't smoking weed with your boys.
11. "Paranoid" Post Malone
In his sophomore effort Post Malone's "beerbongs & bentleys" produced two #1 hits (Rockstar and Better Now) and Better Now peaked @ #3, but to me Paranoid is Posty's best work of 2018.
At first glance you'd think Post is just another mumble, xanax rapper, but after digging past the Stay Away face tat, I've learned that Adam Post is soooooo much more than just another face-tatted rapper. His music actually has production value and flow, he tells stories, and breaks shit down in a real emotional way. I think he's one of the most talented people currently in music. Incredibly relatable song in the age of social media.
10. "Four Out of Five" Arctic Monkeys
I've said it a million time, but I'm still not sure if I like this album or not. After being out of the spotlight for almost 5 years the Arctic Monkeys returned with a concept album about a Hotel/Casino. It was weird, it wasn't really rock, and it for sure didn't sound the the Arctic Monkeys.
But in Four out of Five even though it doesn't sound like their past, it's more errie, and weird, that organ or whatever the fuck it is in the beginning is not something you hear too much in popular music it's still an enjoyable song thanks to Alex Turner's vocals, story telling and unique singing style. As a flow guy I wish he didn't buzz off those locks but I'm sure he does not give even a 1/16 of a fuck.
9. "Small Worlds" Mac Miller
Album version:
Bonus John Mayer cover at the Mac Miller celebration of life:
Mac Miller's Swimming as a whole is just really errie and somber considering the lyrical content and his untimely death less than two months after it's release, but god damnit if it isn't a fantastic album. I wasn't some Mac Miller diehard and really didn't even know much of his music outside past like 2011, but being the same age and in college when he broke out he was always around.
Small Worlds being one of the most obvious of the "holy shit this dude was really going through something songs" on the album that make his death even more heartbreaking. I'm not done talking about Mac yet as this is his first of two spots, but in Small Worlds, off of one of my favorite albums of the year we get a real inside look into the mind of Larry Fisherman. Who knew being rich was so lonely? It's a beautiful song despite the circumstances around it. John Mayer killed it with his cover at Mac's Celebration of life in October.
8. "Sad!" XXXTENTACION
Say whatever you want about XXX's past, but in his short time in the spotlight he made quite the impact on music. His style of emo/rap is something relatively new, and while I am not crazy about the current state of rap music it's a shame we didn't get to see what else he could've made. Sad!
That beat goes hard, and the lyrics go soft (but in a good way)
7. "God's Plan" Drake
I mean this shit was huge, brings me back to my Vegas trip with my boys. Fire song with a cool video. Not really much more to say. IMAGINE IF I NEVER MET THE BROSKIS???
6. "TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME" The 1975
This song honestly reminds me a lot of Drake with the beat. Almost like a tropical vibe to it. Much more poppy than rocky by the 1975. It's a fun song that makes me want to dance which speaks volumes considering Stephen Hawking has better moves than me. The 1975 are the act most effected by my two song rule. Love If We Made it for sure would be on this list if there was no limit. P.S. what the fuck is with the Justin Timberlake Ramen hair, Matty? 
5. "New Light" John Mayer
All things considered, this is by far my favorite music video of 2018. John Mayer didn't release a new album, but this give us some premium content with "New Light". I feel like this song kind of gets forgotten since it is an orphan without an album to call home, but "New Light" is infectious,
4. "There's a Honey" Pale Waves
Technically this song came out in 2017 but they're British and the album came out this year so it doesn't count. I fucking love Pale Waves. I've listened to their album "My Mind Makes Noises" at least a dozen times front to back. If you closed your eyes and heard them you'd never guess they are full on U.K. goths/ghosts. They remind me of so many bands, I'll list a few: The Cure, The Cure, The Cure and oh yeah the 1975 too. Emo has kinda died but they brought it back to life. Oh and btw on their album "My Mind Makes Noises" it's almost like they have a side-bet that "body" needs to be a lyric in every song. Hard to pick just one Pale Waves song, but There's A Honey cemented itself a spot in the top 5 of 2018. I like the album version better than the single ftr. They are going on tour with the 1975 and idgaf how it happens, but I will be there. I think this band has an incredibly bright future, despite how pale their faces are.
Album version:
3. "Cigarettes" Tash Sultana
Cigarettes are awful, but this song is not. It gets you in like a melodic trance. Goddamnit Tash's voice is like a velvet jumpsuit for my brain and heart. That guitar at the end kicks ass!
2. "What's The Use?" Mac Miller
Live at NPR tiny desk version:
Album version:
I'll be the first to admit I wasn't exactly the biggest Mac Miller fan prior to his death in September, but God damnit that Thundercat bass line just hooks you from the second the song starts. We just want another minute of Mac.
What's The Use hits on his way too public breakup with Ariana Grande and all the good that happened in Mac's life. Fuck her man. Never been a fan, and with how she's been milking Mac's death to her benefit just adds fuel to the fire. As for "What's the Use" I've probably listened to this song at least 10 times a week since Mac died. I sucked in and cant' break away. It bums me out that it took until his death for me to really appreciate his music. Swimming isn't just a rap album, there's so much more than that and to put it in a box is simply unfair. Between the lyrical content and it's reliability; there's been countless times in life I've felt this way What's the Use is the 2nd best song of 2018 in my ears. The bass and overall make up the song is just so funky I fucking love it. God damnit this album is so bittersweet. Swimming has been nominated for Rap Album of the year and IMO it has to win.
1. "It's Not Living If It's Not With You" The 1975
I can't stop sweaty or control my feet; It's Not Living If It's Not With You is the DOL song of the year for 2018.
I need to be a more positive person and by listening to this song I feel like I'm already half way there even though when you actually listen, despite the up beat guitars it's not exactly your textbook lovesong. Is it about heroin? Idk I love the 1975 but I'm not a 16 year old girl so I don't follow all of the inner workings of Matty Healy's demons. But what I have done is listen to this song more than any other off of the 1975's third album "A Brief Inquity Into Online Relationships" and cannot get enough. I love the added choir element it. It's so happy and sad at the same time, which is the perfect to describe this band. It just makes me happy and is such a fun, up beat song on par with other 1975 classics from their first to albums. Even though it only came out a little while ago; it's not living if it's not with you is my favorite song of 2018. I'd be shocked to see many lists that resemble mind, but what about you guys? What do you think were the best songs of 2018? 
For the 5th time in their last 6 tries the Patriots have lost in Miami.
As soon as Gostkowski missed that extra point I had an uneasy feeling. Whenever he misses an opening PAT things do not end well for the Pats. The Patriots last two playoff losses included missed Gostkowski PATs on their first touchdown of the game. To add to a nightmare day for Steve, he also missed a 42 yarder that would've given the Patriots a two score lead in the 2nd quarter. You don't need to be John Madden to know that leaving (at least) 7 points on the field does not usually bode well. Not a winning formula. This Patriots defense is not good enough to survive games where the offense leaves points on the field. Inexcusable mistake my Brady, who otherwise played well to take a sack with no timeouts to end the first half. That the type of mistake you haven't seen in decades by TB12. Brady didn't know the timeout situation which is extremely hard to believe.
I need to reiterate. This is NOT a sky is falling loss, (thankfully the Texans lost too) no major injuries, the offense played really well at times, specials teams (which is a third of the game) outside of the kicker were good; highlighted by two blocked punts. However his loss does for sure show that two-time defending AFC champion Patriots are mere football mortals; especially on the road. No matter how great Tom Brady plays, if you play sloppy football you can be beat, and usually will be beat. The loss drops the Patriots to 3-4 away from Gillette Stadium; luckily they are undefeated at home. But there is a high probability the Patriots will not have home-field like usual. They still have to worry about getting a bye, making next week's game against the Steelers a virtual must win. A loss could have the Patriots end up at the 4 seed playing the Chargers (or possibly Chiefs) in the wild-card round. In all my years as a Patriots fan, I don't think I can remember a more shocking loss given where the game was. Obviously shit like 18-1 is more shocking, but I mean in a vacuum, the Pats lost in Miami, something they've done 10 times with Brady. By no means does this mean the Patriots can't win the Super Bowl. Who knows in a Super Bowl DVD we could see a segment of how this loss became a turning point? This game was won. Simple as that. That's what blows. Yes, the Patriots played poorly, but they were one play away from coming out of Miami with a win. That's what the Patriots have had in their bag of tricks for nearly twenty years, ugly wins in games they let teams hang around in. Then they give up a miracle play thanks to some lackadaisical football. Not something you see out of this team. Why the fuck was Kyle Van Noy playing zone around the line of scrimmage? Stephon GIlmore basically just was checking his text out there. Nothing about that play defensively makes any fucking sense. It was like the guys out there all just assumed someone else would make a play. Nobody did, and (for now) the Miami Dolphins playoff hopes are very much alive. This is where the Patriots lack of speed, or any sort of defensive play-makers is missed greatly. I just can't believe they allowed some bullshit lateral touchdown. It'd be one thing if was a loss like last year where they were outplayed from whistle-to-whistle. But to lose a game by allowing the longest play from scrimmage in league history is tough to swallow.
PREACHHHHHHHHH Mike Reiss!!
Belichick coached teams pride themselves on situational football, and on that play they sure were lacking situational awareness. I didn't realize at the time that McCourty was off the field when Gronk was inserted to defend a potential Hail Mary. Normally I don't really have an issue with putting large, athletic pass catchers back to knock shit down. I've seen guys like Randy Moss and Julio Jones make interceptions in those very situations. I'm not as mad about Gronk being in, as I am that Devin was out. But if you're gonna do that I'd expect it in a spot where a Hail-Mary is possible, not when the ball on the Miami 31 yard-line. Despite a solid game by Gronk, he still doesn't seem like himself, or nearly as explosive as he once was. Even though Josh Johnson somehow scored a touchdown today, 2011 was a LONG time ago. The days where Gronk is the best athlete on the field are over. It felt like an over-thinking, trying to be cute mistake. Don't take out arguably your best defensive player on the most critical point in the game. That's just how I would do things. P.S. Obviously losing, especially in that fashion fucking sucks, but to see Gronk get exposed like that broke my heart. He's one of my favorite athletes of all-time, but this year has shown that injuries (and even age) are starting to catch up to him. Gronk of 2 years ago makes that play. I really would not be shocked to see him gone in 2019 given how Belichick does things and his lack of being "Gronk". 
I'm not a 52 year old black lady, so I haven't seen many of Tyler Perry's movies, only thing I can remember is when he was Ben Affleck's lawyer in Gone Girl, but I mean I still am pop-culturally aware enough to know who the guy is. Normally I feel like people can be sort of cynical with shit like this "he's only doing it for the press" or "when's his next movie coming out?" dumb shit like that. Here is my official stance on that potential take: Even if he (or anybody else) does something like this with an ulterior motive, who gives a shit? It helps people in need which is the most important thing, while also giving the illusion that you care about others. A classic win-win if you will. You get to look like a good human-being, and kids get to have presents on Christmas. I'm not even saying that's the case, from what I can see Madea seems like a pretty good dude. But sure, saying you were trying to do it anonymously seems a tad disingenuous, but idk how anybody in their right mind could be against this? Shit like this just warms my dead heart this time of year. Being a child of divorce I've seen both sides of growing up with and without, I've had Christmases where I got everything I could've ever wanted, and Christmases where the gifts were each other. Seeing people who have the means to do so help out those less fortunate just really makes me happy. What's wild is that he spent 434K which isn't even a 10th of a percent of his networth. It's something I'd love to be able to do someday. Perhaps I'll run the Barstool toy-drive in 3 years?
Back in my pizza days we used to come up with hypotheticals and would you rathers all shift long to pass the time when we weren't slinging pies. They're a lot fun, don't need to go much deeper than that. Hypotheticals similar to this one have come up in the past, but this one really caught my eye. I love the desert island type hypos where you can only have a certain number of something.
Here are what I would pick if all 5 of my fingers became drink dispensers that become the only things I can drink for the rest of my life:
Poland Spring Water
This is a no brainer and you're a complete hardo if you omit it. Water is fucking awesome and the perfect drink. Nothing like some ice cold water after exercising, or to relieve the coughing after ripping a dab. Water is literally the source of all life and if you'd rather have sprite or something above it you're a garbage person. Soda is for children and poor people.
I often say I am not a healthy guy, but hands down the healthiest thing about me is how much water I drink. My fluid level is always on point. I crush water. It's a must as the big man. It is vital to realize that not all water is created equal. Don't you dare bring that "mineral-infused" aka salty ass dasani or aquafina in my face. Poland Springs is the goat and what I'm picking. It's better than tap, it's better than Lyfewater, Fuji, whatever other hoity toity waters you can think of. Plus I could dispense Poland Spring water to wash myself which wouldn't be the worst thing. A finger (from a distance) baday would be sorta cool I guess. 
Bud Light 
For the many, not the few. Good ole, Budweiser Light.
If you want some crafty, double-brewed, maple stout for the rest of your life, go for it. I'm picking the most popular beer in America. I've been drinking Bud Light since I was 14. Bud Light is just so versatile and good despite what dudes with 8 inch long beards will tell you. It's like the Diet Coke of beer in the sense that it's everywhere. You can have it at a cook out or a nice dinner. Unlike diet coke it gets you drunk which is an instant trump card.
1% Milk
I am definitely not the milk drinker I once was, in high school I'd have like a half gallon a day, now half gallons go bad in my fridge. But 1% milk (or however you take it) is a must include when discussing hypothetical drink restrictions.
Imagine this: It's Christmas eve, you just made cookies with your spouse and kids, and all you have to pick from is 4 different types of beer and blue gatorade because you thought you'd be 22 forever. Fuck that. Milk is essential as a drink with basically any dessert, I don't wanna think about a warm, chewy brownie without a tall glass of milk. Don't even get me started on cereal. You're eliminating cereal as a meal for the rest of your life if you get rid of milk, unless you're Michael Irvin. Milk is a must include.
Arnold Palmer
A golf legend who's greatest impact may have been in the beverage game.
Much better out of the can than in the bottle, I don't know if it'd be possible to have it dispense from my finger in can form, but since this is a situation where my hand becomes a soda gun, I think I can make the own rules. A.P. goes great by itself, or even better as a mixie.
Tito's Vodka
For when I need to get drunk in a way that requires less fluid ounces. I'm definitely more of a jack guy, but I'd rather have AP on the list than diet coke, so Tito's survives. This hypo says nothing about squeezing limes. It's not the best choice for a shot, but for sure doable. A great complement to the Arnold Palmer pick. The 007 is my favorite summertime drink, but with 3 ingredients it's not happening when I only have 5 choices for the rest of my days. Bonus can use it as a disinfectant if I'm ever cut lost in the woods and wanna clean out a wound before I get eaten by bears.
What 5 drinks would you pick if suddenly your hand turned into a drink dispenser? 
What I'm about to say is going to make me sound like a sore loser, but I don't really care. Much like the fact that Imagine Dragons blow, and are just the Big Bang Theory of rock music; this needs to be said.
I like many of you, love fantasy football. It's a great excuse to stay in touch with your friends (although I'm not too sure the dudes in my league feel the same way, but that's not what this is about), it let's you flex your sports-knowledge muscles, have an avenue to be competitive, and (most importantly) potentially win yourself some money. It's fucking awesome, I don't need to try to sell you fantasy football right now. We're all on board here. At the same time it's incredibly frustrating and frankly infuriating because at the end of the day it's out of your control. To me fantasy football is skill-based, but luck is for sure a huge factor. It takes skills because you have to have some sort of clue how football works, and who is worthy of being rostered. You can make all the "right" moves, but at the end of the day you have no impact on what a player does on a given day. Dudes get hurt, game plans change etc. You start some dude who scored 23 points the week before and follows it up with 3.4. Killer stuff. You can dominate all season, but in a one game scenario anything can happen. To me it's like the whole theory of Moneyball with the analytics getting on base by any means necessary and run prevention. Over the long sample size of the regular season it worked out, and the A's won, and won a lot, but come playoff time it doesn't matter. The numbers that over 162 games even out, do not in a one game situation. It's similar to that in fantasy as well. You can do everything to put your team in the best spot to win. You can have two of the top 5 scoring running backs all season on your roster and still lay and egg. But it's not like you're gonna bench a Todd Gurley type. So what do you do? You see games like last week where fullback James Develin scores two touchdowns for the Patriots inside the one-yard line instead of a Tom Brady, Sony Michel or Rob Gronkowski. Not to make this post entirely about me, but in the last four years in my league I've finished either 1st or 2nd in the regular season stands AND in points scored. I'm 37-15 over that time frame. Hands down the model of consistency. I win at a .712% clip. However I have become sort of a Washington Capital, Andy Reid like figure with my playoff futility. I am a joke. I am a laughing stock. I cannot seem to win the big one. It's not just losing, but how I lose. Dez Bryant gets held to one catch against the Giants, and then fumbles on that one catch, scoring 140+ points and still losing, years back in another league I started Matt Stafford over Russell Wilson in a game where Wilson ran for three touchdowns. Heres my last four seasons: 2015: 1st overall 9-4 Lost in semi-finals by 1.1 points 2016: 1st overall 10-3 Lost in first round by 4.6 points 2017: 2nd overall 9-4 Lost in semi-finals by 3.8 points 2018: 2nd overall 9-4 ??? Hoping like the Capitals that 2018 can be my time. Although I'm the 2 seed again, I was the unlucky one to match-up against the arguably the most talented roster in the league (on paper) despite dominating throughout the regular season, I do not like my chances. As of now I'm like a 14 point underdog AS THE TWO SEED. It's looking like for yet another year Ole Dozo is gonna have to wait to have his Steve Young moment. It just sucks because it's like I'm talking to a wall with people. It's like the office trying to convince you Hilary Swank is hot. I am good at Fantasy Football, damnit!!! I get it, winning championships is how sports are judged, even fantasy sports, but I think what I have done in fantasy has shown how much luck is a factor. The numbers speak for themselves. I've been top 2 in my league 4 years in a row, and as of now still haven't even made the finals. The playoffs are kind of fluky. The 8 seed has won my current league 3 times since 2013. Going back to 2010 I've been in 3 different leagues, and made the Final 4 like 8 times in 12 overall seasons with no ring. FUCK THAT. I am Andy Reid with better hair and clock management skills. Sure I could make better decisions throughout the year, but to year, after year be consistently among the best teams in the league with nothing to show for it. It's sooooooooo frustrating to be better than a team for an entire season only to have it go up in flames against a 6-7 team that backed into the playoffs. I feel like I'm just venting to nobody right now but God damn it feels good to get it out. Fuck the fantasy playoffs, unless of course I win it all this year, in which we can all agree the playoffs are the only way to truly measure success. 
I remember when the Red Sox traded for Eovaldi. My biggest takeaway was that I was cool with getting rid of Jalen Beeks, after his first start at Fenway I had seen enough. Dude is Henry Owens 2.0, I'm more than all-set with that. Then when Eovaldi pitched 7 shutout in his first start as a Red Sox I was all-in on this dude I had forgotten about from the Yankees a few years back.
A few weeks ago I laid out my-ideal-red-sox-off-season.html. Two of those things have already happened; first the club brought back World Series MVP to a one year deal, and postseason hero Nathan Eovaldi is coming back for 4 years. To paraphrase myself they didn't let emotions from a World Series run cause them to overpay. I love this deal more than gay Greg on Curb loves his sewing machine. And I must say, this is a fabulous deal for the Boston Red Sox. I was worried that some team would overreact to Eovaldi's postseason performances and throw him something with an AAV (average annual value) north of 20 million which personally would be where I draw the line. I love Nate and what he could potentially do, but I've said it a million times the Red Sox (despite their league high payroll) need to find ways to save money for when Mookie's deal is up. With Nate's new deal's AAV a shade under 17 million per season, this deal turns into somewhat a bargain for a guy who could end up becoming more than a middle of the rotation guy. I expect him to become the team's 3rd starter once Porcello (likely) leaves in free agency. Considering the contract that Sox gave Porcello when they traded for him was I believe 4 years-88 million they have found a replacement with better stuff for less money. Personally for Nate it's not too bad of a deal either considering where this guy was going into 2018. Didn't pitch in 2017, making 2 million bucks for the lowly Rays after getting released by the Yankees. Great call by them to let this guy go btw. I know Evo has had multiple Tommy Johns, but this is a deal that makes sense for both parties, and I'm wicked pumped to have this guy back in a Red Sox uniform. I love stats, but they don't tell the entire story, the rest of the team loves this guy, making it a great clubhouse move in addition to a smart baseball decision. David Price can twitch stream his excitement at some point today.
In October Evo was a stud, of course highlighted by his 6 inning relief effort in game 3 of the World Series, Eovaldi pitched 22.1 innings in October allowing only 4 runs. It wasn't Sale or Price, but Eovaldi who was the Red Sox best pitcher in October. He went 2-1 with a 1.61 ERA over 6 appearances (2 starts) striking out 16 batters while only walking 4 en route to a World Series title. The "Rover" was Alex Cora's not so secret weapon in the playoffs helping bridge the gap to Kimbrel when many Red Sox fans (including myself) worried going into October who would fill that role?
While part of me is worried that the Red Sox might have over-used him in October since there was the potential they'd let him walk. Part of me feels like they handled him in October like he wasn't part of the long term plans. I get it Alex Cora has forgotten more about baseball than I know, but pitching someone multiple times in between starts is something we haven't seen since black weren't allowed to play. I'm definitely concerned with how it could impact him going forward; but in the same breathe he could be totally fine. It was only 22 innings. However, it appears to me Eovaldi and his cheese biting at 101 seem to have figured things out post- TJ surgery.
Here's to more of these type of moments in 2019 and beyond. Eov is back, the Red Sox are still the best team in baseball, excited to see what else they do this off-season.
Song: It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) Artist: The 1975 Album; A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships 
In an era where people are more self-obsessed than ever, to me the dumbest thing that has come out of the "instant gratification" age is the Gender Reveal video. I fucking hate these things like poison. They are the "meeting that could've happened over email" of social media posts. These are the most unnecessary of the social media posts going. Look, I love to share stuff about myself online that nobody gives a shit about too, this website for example. But at least I'm trying to make people laugh. These ass holes are just bragging about the fact their eggs aren't scrambled. Congrats on the sex, again! People have decided that not only is a lengthy social media post revealing that you're expecting not enough, but now an elaborate production is necessary to tell your 517 facebook friends who don't give a fuck that you're having a daughter. Congrats. Sure the videos can be unintentionally funny at times, Gordon Hayward's "daddy's always happy" video being a prime example of such.
But for the most part it's the same thing, people finding out the gender of their unborn baby, while I root for a miscarriage.
I don't even understand the whole reason for the party. Like are there gifts? What do you get someone for a gender reveal party other than new friends? Like you're pregnant, you can't even get fucked up. Maybe a glass of red wine for the antioxidants or a nice contact high at absolute best case scenario? Idk. I just cannot fathom a worse place to be on earth, than sober at a gender reveal party. Enter, Dennis Dickey, a (I would have to assume former) Border Patrol agent who thought it'd be a good idea to shoot at explosives to tell the world he's having a son. It appears this reveal truly did backfire, as it caused a 45,000 acre fire that caused over 8 million dollars in damage.
In the terms of his settlement, Dennis Dickey has to pay back $500 a month for 20 years. $220,000 in total. Which all things considered isn't that bad. He's lucky nobody fucking died during due to his stupidity. I mean what was the end game here dude? .04 seconds of blue for your redneck friends to like on the facebook app of their cracked iPhone 4s? How can he be "smart" enough to make this explosive but dumb enough to not know that fire + trees = bad?
Personally, I'm upset this guy doesn't have to pay back the full 8 million. Fuck that. Over 45,000 acres of this great nation is ruined because your dumbass thought an explosion in the middle of a dry ass desert was a good idea. I think this is clear evidence that this guy should not be a father. He might as well have just set his target up in a match factory, I mean look at that thing before it goes off. It might as well be in the jungle. I'd like to think there can be a happy ending from this story, maybe this will be a teaching moment for this nation and cause people to think? I mean fads come and go, there was a time where people got tricked into thinking a rock was a god damned pet, so anything is possible? I'm really just hoping 20 years from now we can laugh at how stupid and egomaniacal the age of gender reveal ceremonies were and not the loss of a national park due to wild-fire. As for those of you reading this, if you're with child, next time just tweet it out and worry about raising your kid instead of getting likes from people you wouldn't even call to tell you're expecting. P.S. I do feel really shitty for this kid. You get to live your whole life knowing that you're the reason you're family is poor. Yikes. I'm sure his father won't take it out on him at all. Every time you look at that kid you get a reminder that kids will ruin your life. |
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