Last week, #TML had yet another 5-3 showing because I keep giving the Texans too much credit (but I mean 38.5 is sooo fucking low, and we got to 34), and the Chargers laid an absolute egg in the charm city. I thought they'd at least keep it close, but maybe the Ravens are just that good? Perhaps the highs and lows of the Browns game set them up for a letdown spot?
I'm frustrated, not because I'm losing money, but because people who believe in me are. Honestly, I just get off on the ego trip of being correct and feeling smart; the money is just an added bonus, that I want/sometimes desperately need.
I don't like the board today, it truly is bye-mageddon. Plus with a couple of well over -1000 favorites, there's not a lot of juicy options for the week 7 edition of #TML. But this is our time to get off the schneid!!! Pray for points!
Song: Hey Ya (2003)
Album: Speakerboxx/The Love Below
Alright now, readers.
Who's colder, yea colder, than ice-cold?
I can't hear ya
I said, who's colder, yea colder, than ice-cold?
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alriiiightt.
Despite that harsh reality, with a win today, #TML is all of a sudden +4 units on the year! It's bye-mageddon and not an incredible slate, but the fact of the matter is a win today puts us right back in the green with plenty of football left!
If you missed #DVTD XI, you can watch it right HERE. It was a great match, especially since I was almost bamboozled into thinking the stream was muted by my troll-ass friends in the comment section, but at least they were watching for five minutes!
As for tonight, we've got ourselves a matchup of the OG Dozen team, #4 Experts vs. a newcomer in The Troops. I set the line at Experts -4.5.
I respect the actual troops and have nothing but love for Chaps and Kate. I love what they do for vets and the LGBTQ+ community, but I'm not bitting my tongue here even though objectively, it is a little funny that stolen valor Billy is on this team. I try to keep my feelings about Barstool personalities close to the vest; I don't wanna fuck myself over while trying to get my dream job (that I would 1,000,000,000% crush), but I mean, nobody fucking reads this shit anyway and El Pres said he loves the drama, so... I cannot stand Billy Football. I won't say I hate him because I need to stop abusing that word, but I cannot stand him or anything he "brings" to the table. He's one of the bottom three personalities at BSS. The next time he makes me laugh will be the first. I had no choice but to root for Jose Canseco in RnR. Maybe this is the motivation I need to get back in shape so that I can challenge him? lolol (I'm not a fight guy). PMT is one of, if not my favorite podcast, but when he speaks, my skin crawls like I'm watching the Island Boys (FUCK those creatures). It genuinely angers me that he works for Barstool when I don't. So yes, this match is personal. I compete against everybody and try to win regardless, but it's officially time for the early check-out if Billy Football outscores me.
#DozVsTheDozen XII airs TONIGHT on my Instagram (@DOZONLIFE) at 7:05ish. I can't wait to see you there!
Song: Fools Rush In (2019)
Artist: Dale Hollow & The Long Con
Album: Yours Truly
As someone who's out here grinding, trying to make his dreams a reality, I have tons of respect for people in their respective fields who are fighting that same fight. When I saw Orville Peck live exactly one month ago, his opening act was Dale Hollow & The Long Con. I had never heard of them, and there was no Wikipedia page to catch up, but those boys put on quite a show. That Dale Hollow is a showman. My guy is out here with a minor at best social media presence and no airplay on country radio and still opened up for Orville. Granted, Orville is niche AF (like this publication), but he's been featured on Zero skateboard, various late shows, and some Netflix doc, so it's certainly an accomplishment.
It's no secret Ole Dozo is a gamblin' man and has had some Frozen Tundra cold streaks, but what gambler hasn't? If you've ever been colder than ice cold, this song is for you. P.S. Broncos ML tonight. I'm in for a unit. +105.
In this live version, Dale references Mahomes and Jimmy G since it was the most recent Super Bowl at the time, but in the studio version, it's Brady and Goff.
I just got home from a professional development day and luckily one of my big meetings never happened.
I finished my rewatch of #DozVsTheDozen XI during that unexpected free time and uploaded it to Youtube. Since the Weebly app is hotter garbage than a Madden league I used to be in (#DOLdeepcut), I wasn't able to share on DOL, so now I am. It was a solid match, 1000000% worth the watch, in my unbiased opinion.
I know the Sox just started, and I'm watching too since it's actually available on YoutubeTV, unlike scuzzy NESN. Key-key just took a ball to make it a full count. I'm not crazy; I know you're probz watching the Sox...wow just took a questionable strike three...nvm, decent pitch. Anyways, I know nobody is gonna fucking watch this right now, so at your earliest convenience, please go to youtube, then subscribe to dozonlife, next like and comment on my videos to drive up engagements! Thank you!!! Alright, back to the game, siiiick Chris Sale just gave up a bomb, but that could help my Boston Big Night Parlay.
Go Sox, but fuck John Henry and Tom Werner forever!!!!
Song: Too Good (2021)
Artist: Arlo Parks
Album: Collapsed in Sunbeams
You know what else wasn't "too good?"
The strike zone last night.
Guess which one was called a ball?
I just realized this is my 303rd blog of 2021. Bonus song!
After an 11 day hiatus, The Dozen Trivia returns tonight at 7:00pm in an intriguing matchup between #1 The Yak and #5 Team Minihane for Match #145.
That means America's favorite game show about a game show, #DozVsTheDozen returns as well, at approximately 7:05 on my Instagram @dozonlife.
Hand up, I still haven't rewatched #DozVsTheDozen X, but I'm like 82% sure I lost. It was super close; I need to check the tape to confirm the scores. So I'm either going for four straight wins or three out of four like the first half of the double dynasty. Not bad for a guy with no teammates and 2 point disadvantage since I can't partake in the bonus round.
First pitch for Sox-Astros is 8:08 pm, so tune in to watch ya boi battle two top 5 teams before the game. I love both of these rosters, but it's all business tonight. I don't know why Pat followed me on Twitter, but I greatly appreciate the support.
Song: Nutshell (1994) [Live at MTV Unplugged, 1996]
Artist: Alice In Chains
Album: Jar of Flies (EP)
Never have I ever done heroin, but I've been on an AIC bender the last month or so and cannot get enough of this performance. Without the aid of intrusive data, I'd guess I've listened to "Nutshell" at least once in 25 of the last 30 days, and yes, it makes my eyes leak. I can't think of many songs that speak to how I currently feel about every facet of my life more than this. R.I.P. Layne.
I'm a DK Metcalf Fan, but He Looks Like an Absolute Idiot Here (This Blog is Not About His Mold Hair)
Last night, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 23-20 in OT. I didn't have action on the game, but I was rooting for the Seahawks for fantasy purposes + I loathe (but respect) the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Let's fast forward to the second to last play of regulation. Seahawks are down 20-17, on the Steelers 35, right on the cusp of field goal range with zero timeouts left. DK Metcalf caught a pass with 15 seconds left by the sideline and inexplicably fought for extra yards, ended up fumbling, and chaos ensued.
Luckily for Seattle, Swain recovered the fumble, and DK's catch was reviewed for some reason. After it was confirmed, they spiked the ball, kicked the field goal, and forced overtime.
By now, you probably know that the Seahawks lost. They were able to survive the DK brain fart for a moment, but not Geno Smith turning back into a pumpkin; granted, TJ Watt made an outstanding play on the ball.
As a blogger, I am Ike and hyperbole is Tina, but my jaw dropped at the lack of awareness by DK on that play. You cannot afford to fight for extra yards in that spot. Whatever is Madden awareness rating is, chop it in half! He was about to go out of bounds naturally, then fought to stay in bounds just to fumble the second a defender made contact. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen on the gridiron. It makes the Colts swinging gate fail look brilliant. Had the Seahawks lost the game right there, this play is all anybody is talking about today.
I mean, people were still talking about it, like Hall of Fame Tight End Shannon Sharpe.
I'm not a big Shannon guy (way too much of a Patriot hater), but there's no denying his status as one of the greatest TEs ever to play the game. TBH I was shocked he didn't make the #NFL100 roster.
Maybe since DK was born in 1997, he doesn't have any sense of NFL history? That could explain this disrespect.
I can't tell if the emoji meant he was joking, but calling Shannon Sharpe a "lil boy" is simply untrue.
Rightfully so, Shannon talked his shit while also bringing God into the mix in a capital V passive-aggressive way.
This is where things get crazier than fighting for extra yards on the sideline when you're already in field goal range and out of timeouts.
Did you click on that Shannon thirst trap? Washed up "wanna be" ???? That man looks like he could go out and catch 5 for 75 and TD tomorrow. Oh, and he has three rings and a gold jacket.
After getting dragged online (presumably, it's 11, and I'm not wasting valuable time digging through tweets ), perhaps DK did a little Wikipedia research and realized he done fucked up now???
FTR, I like DK Metcalf. He's the frontman of my fake band fantasy team, "DK and the Diva Kupps," I wish I could go back in time and force the Patriots to take him over bum ass N'Keal Harry (maybe Brady's still here?), but this whole exchange was a #badlook. Do you know how bad you have to fuck up for me to side with Shannon Sharpe? I might've not been consciously alive, but I'll never forget/forgive this hilarious burn!
Regarding the blog title. YeeeEsssshh.
You just read my 300th blog of the year :)
#mood after giving away yet ANOTHER winnable game.
It's mid-October, and moral victory season is officially over for the New England Patriots. Just like last year at this point, they're 2-4, but it's a much more frustrating 2-4 (even though the Broncos loss last year was one of the worst of my entire life) because all four losses have come at home and they really could've won any of those games. The Saints game was much closer than the score would indicate, and like the pick-6 last night...a Patriots pass-catcher had his hands on it first, but none of that changes the fact that the Pats are 0-4 at home for the first time since 1993 (the year BEFORE Mr. Kraft bought the franchise).
If you want to say the Patriots aren't ready to compete with the rest of the NFL, I'm going to respectfully disagree because that's the one thing I can definitively say this season. It doesn't matter if you're the lowly Dolphins or defending Super Bowl champs; the Pats will compete, make it a game, and likely lose in an infuriating way.
With a rookie QB, it's obvious that Josh McDaniels and Belichick have been handling Mac with kid gloves despite 10 already playing like an upper-half of the league QB.
Maybe Mac's inexperience and the shakiness of the current o-line situation are why the Patriots have been playing with the balls of Marshall Applewhite? Still, it's super disappointing to see, ESPECIALLY when Belichick was over a decade early to the 4th down frenzy that's sweeping the NFL.
I don't understand it like the late Big L. WHY ARE YOU PUNTING AT MIDFIELD?!??! It's not 2017 anymore!
I'll give McDaniels credit when it's warranted, he was great in the Tampa game, but he stunk on ice yesterday. The Brandon Bolden play was fucking dreadful. Even the buttoned-up Mike Reiss said it was "puzzling."
Earlier in the 1st half, Jakobi Meyers made a catch that looked like a first down that was spotted poorly.
Why challenge the spot when you can punt on 4th and inches? And by punt, I mean allow your SECOND blocked punt of the year after not having a single punt blocked since 2015.
This brings me to the entire reason I wrote this blog. I agree the play calling sucks, and the lack of aggressiveness is irritating to the point where I'm agreeing with Mina Kimes (who I have muted)
but I've seen many people online complaining about kneeling it out to end the first half. I don't understand the backlash.
Despite the recent influx of analytics, football is still the most emotional sport, and momentum matters. The latter half of that sentence may contradict what I'm about to say, but after a pretty significant break with the goal-line stand (where Dak MAY have scored on 3rd down), the Patriots were in a fantastic spot going into the half.
After forcing a fumble on 4th & goal (great play by Bentley), the Patriots got the ball back on their 20-yard line with 1:30 left and no time outs. Even in real-time, I was with the decision.
The Pats looked like it was 2007 on their first two drives, scoring two touchdowns on seven plays. A holding call wiped out what would've been Jakobi Meyers' first career TD (my man cannot catch a break), that would've made it 20-10, then the very next play Mac fumble after the RT who doesn't even deserve his name on my publication got blown up like the Gillette men's room.
I already mentioned the blocked punt, but the Patriots offense went back to earth after the first quarter; despite being severely out-possessed and out-gained, they had a lead. I know you want to try to score whenever you can, but with no timeouts and the lead ( with a rookie QB) AND getting the ball to start the second half, I think you count your lucky stars that the defense made two red-zone stops. Go into half knowing you get the ball to start the 3rd quarter.
The last thing you want to do is go three and out and give Dallas the ball back with a short field. They were driving the ball with ease. If they were able to get points after being stopped on 4th and goal, that's a huge momentum swing, and all the good things that happened for the Pats in the first half go out the window.
Again, I get being mad about the play-calling and lack of aggressiveness on 4th down, especially in OT when you're essentially doing exactly why you didn't punt against the Colts in 2009. It didn't matter where the Cowboys got the ball; they were going to score. Belichick needs to stop coaching scared (but taking it to half up 14-10 was smart situaitonal football).