I say that lovingly. I am a diehard NFL films fan. RIPIP both Sabals. Guess who made that gif? Same guy who made this blog nbd.
The NFL blocks all videos on 3rd party sharing so you'll have to watch on youtube, it's 5:12 long and critical for context of this blog. I lead the horse to water, now drink up.
I try to not be a blame the refs guy. I'm evolving. I understand how hard it is to get things right 100% in real time, especially with how fast the game is played today! Despite the horrible second half officiating, the Patriots could've easily put themselves in a better spot in the first half where none this would've mattered. The blocked field goal, and 3 & out after starting a drive in KC territory after an Mahomes INT. (eerily similar situation to McCourty INT in Ravens 2014 playoff game) immediately come to mind. But I'm human. When they (the refs) fuck up enough to the point where their competence is in question I'm gonna complain. I don't want to say the fix was in, but when there are that many critical mistakes against the Patriots in key situations in the favor of an underdog it really makes me wonder (Maroon 5, 2007).
What pisses me off is when they fuck up even with replay. Why do we even have it? What's the point if you're not going to get the call right. No bullshit with replay there should never be a mistake. Don't even get me started on the PI rule... But I'm veering off course... That's what set off the domino effect, if I'm power ranking the egregiousness of each faux pas: 1. Not overturning the spot of the ball on Watkins catch.
I get it that these are rarely overturned because of how difficult it can be to have concrete evidence to tell at times. They say that in the booth all the time, how they're likely to let it stand....This one was clear as day. Sammy Watkins didn't have full control of the ball when he was initially hit.
Of all the things that went wrong this set everything else in motion. In an alternate reality where the referees and replay crew have 20/20 vision the Chiefs are now facing 4th and short and tough decisions to make. More importantly the Patriots retain their challenge and time out. Losing both proved to be critical later on.
2. Blowing the Gilmore potential scoop and score dead
Had Gilmore scored a touchdown (I think he would've) it would've closed the gap to 23-19 with an upcoming XP/2 point attempt with an entire quarter to play. Even if he got tackled the Patriots would've have fantastic field position.
These calls piss me off to no end. IMO they're a direct result of the NFL's push to take violence out of the game. The refs are at the point of being over zealous to blow plays dead. I swear sometimes you think they have a roll of quarters in their pocket when they grab for the whistle. This whole in the grasp bullshit and blowing fumbles dead are ruining the game. The Saints got fucked by one on a potential Cam Jordan scoop and score against the Rams earlier in the year that would've totally changed the game. I hate it. I understand trying to make the game safer and I am for doing it, but I've been saying it for years football is football. It's a violent game. There's only so much you can do before you completely alter the DNA of the game and turn it into something completely different. It sucks that things like the Ryan Shazer injury happened but let's be honest he used poor form and it was a freak play. We have to let plays play out. You can always overturn it with replay. It's like measure twice, cut once. What really sucks is this could've been an all-time highlight in the potential Defensive Player of the Year campaign Stephon Gilmore has been putting up in 2019. Taken away because the refs have too much pride/not enough brains. I'm 100% serious here. Losing this totally hurts his chances.
3. Calling N'Keal Kerry out of bounds
What sucks is if the right call is made here, then on that final drive the Patriots only need a field goal to tie the game. A drive where down 4 they ended up turning it over on downs inside the 5 yard line. I know the Patriots field goal kicking has been a crap-shoot at best, but at that point I think they have the decent chance. Very well could've still lost although in a sort of reverse AFC Championship script they shut the Chiefs offense down in the second half.
Even though this is got the most talk on tv and radio this week I can understand the ref making a mistake. I mean sometimes there's just too much going on around you. Maybe you are too far away to know for sure? 
No zoom from a few feet away. Green in between!
'
At that point the dominoes had all slammed to the ground. Can't review the play since the Patriots had no more challenges because of a failed challenge that should have been overturned. Ultimately settling for three here after clearly scoring a touchdown was the difference. Losing the game sucks, but on a much smaller scale in a year where Tom Brady is both chasing the all-time passing touchdown list....and, also....not having the most eye-popping season statistically, every touchdown counts. It reminds me of a Sunday Night Baseball Game I watched years ago when Carlos Delgado was still on the Mets. Long before replay in MLB. He hit a home run that was clearly fair and called foul and Joe Morgan said he'll always have one fewer home run than he should (or something along those lines) and it really resonated with me; obviously. Man, the human brain is a wild thing. We're on to Cincinnati.... P.S. If the Patriots win out they're still the 2 seed with the best defense in the NFL. I still believe the offensive woes can still be fixed, but I do think the kicking game will ultimately be what costs them. Sure it's cool to have a video by the league basically saying "hand up, we fucked up" but it doesn't change the standings or put teams in the Super Bowl. The NFL HAS to fix this shit for the integrity of the game. Of course I love the rare times these errors benefit the Pats but something's gotta give.
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With Cy-Young runner-up, Gerrit Cole leaving the Houston Astros for the New York Yankees via free agency it is easy to say the balance of power has swung (on phone screens) in the American League.
For the next 9 years, assuming he doesn't opt after 5, lifelong Yankee fan Gerrit Cole will be making 324 million bucks to work once, MAYBE twice a week for seven....eight months max. early blog p.s. you're going to see this picture every time Cole starts the next three years. 
Not too shabby for the bandwagon fan out of Newport Beach, CA.
Although it will come at a cost for the 29 year old 20 game winner....
His right to be an individual and decide how he gets to present himself to the world! 
That's right, when Gerrit Cole signed with the Yankees he waived his right for free will in exchange for money. Lots and lots of money.
He'll have to hit the barber chair to adhere to their archaic male grooming policy. He's not the first player to trade razor burn for residuals and surely won't be the last.
It should be noted he did not have a gun to his back while negotiating. I'm not bashing the man for chasing the bag/a lifelong dream. If you threw me enough money I would do the same. I know how handsome I am with short hair; my mom has been telling me for years. It just blows my mind the Yankees still enforce this rule and its something we are still talking about in 2019. In an era where gender chameleons and they/them pronouns are the norm, it's a shame the Yankees, a franchise that is supposedly the face of major league baseball is still so close minded.
Since 1973 when George Steinbrenner pointed out the jersey numbers of Yankees who needed a haircut there has been a regularly enforced policy on hair length and facial hair. Although some eras were looser than others as some players seem to get a little more leeway based on ability. 
But the appearance rule is textbook scumbag, corporate, everything that is wrong with America, It's impossible to have swag as a Bronx Bomber. The basically colorless, nameless uniforms. The hair rule. They are the antithesis of expression. Oh cool Aaron Judge is big. That doesn't count.
Obviously as a Red Sox fan, long hair/beard guy, and long time pro-freedom person, I am biased here. Sure I'll take any opportunity bash this stupid rule, and the Yankees, but as a baseball fan it really is time for the Yankees to get with the times.We play loud, hello?! Dead ass this rule hurts the game and only emphasizes the 59 year old white man average viewer vibe. Baseball literally just pulled the cool parent move and finally gave into the fact that everybody under 40 smokes reefer and the Yankees still say no to beards.
There's some cities in the U.S. where fucking cops have long hair for crying out loud.
Honestly, if I was a Yankee fan I'd be worried.
This is Gerrit's smokeshow wife, Amy. (Sister of fellow big leaguer Brandon Crawford!) 
Look at this happy couple. They look great, they're glowing!
They're going from the Houston Astros and their storied uniform history and being best friends with the biggest power couple in MLB to baseball North Korea.
I'm totally assuming here, but between Gerrit being her husband, and Brandon Crawford being her brother. I feel like it's safe to say she is a fan of the swaggy-shaggy look. 
If you look at Amy's IG it's full of pics of her and Gerrit looking hot af in various places across the planet. I think at the very least we can assume she's a fan of shaggy guys. Sure 324 million bucks is cool but happy wife, happy life right?
Baseball has made the shift to analytics. The data clearly shows Gerrit Cole has no chin and is better looking with a beard.
It'd be a real shame if the man who dominated the Yankees in the playoffs and was rewarded with the biggest deal a pitcher has ever received in MLB history struggled with the pressures of New York. To make matters worse, he'd be unable to nervously twist his hair to ease the stress.
None of this would have to happen if the Yankees got with the times. Did you know the Cincinnatti Reds had a similar rule in place but lifted it in 1999? I feel like this is a rule I won't see changed in my lifetime, it's part of that "we're the Yankees, we're above you" mystique. Between this and the Redskins still being the Redskins it's a pissing contest for who will evolve with the times first. I guess we can only advance so far as a society. At least I can say I saw a black President in my lifetime. George said no and we have to respect the Boss!
It's so irrational to me. They'll fully guarantee nearly a third of a billion dollars to a guy who absolute best case scenario can win them 25 games a year. He could also very well have his arm fall off like countless other pitchers after 30. They're willing to spend that type of money on someone. They'll invest that type of money. But you HAVE TO keep hair off of your face because our sleaze bag, impatient fire-the-manager-43-times-in-7- years, how ironic is it that he's from "the Silent Generation", owner thinks baseball is Wall Street. Get the fuck over yourselves, Yankees. 
What a headline!
Tonight is the series finale of HBO's Silicon Valley.
After 6 years of incubating, getting trapped in autonomous cars (inside of shipping containers) and countless one step forward, two steps back story lines, the fate of Pied Piper will finally be decided.
Debuting in the Spring of 2014, Silicon Valley tells the story of Richard Hendricks, his company Pied Piper and the exaggerated life that is tech in "The Valley"
What began as a music app during his time as a Hooli employee, Richard inadvertently created an algorithm that has a chance to make the world a better place. It's the best compression algorithm ever at the time. Quickly Richard goes from laughing stock at his company, to one of the hottest names in tech.
Richard's offered a buyout of 10 million dollars by Hooli and general piece of shit, Gavin Belson for his algorithm and a $200,000 investment by Peter Gregory (R.I.P.) where he would still be able to run the company. After a patented vomit riddled panic attack, Richard goes with the late Peter Gregory and becomes an incubee of the eccentric Erlich Bachman. It is here where Pier Piper begins its rollercoaster journey.
Richard is not alone in living at Bachman's incubator.
He is joined by three coders. Pakistani, NOT Indian, Dinesh Chugati
Satanist, Bertham Gilfoyle
and Big Gulp enthusiast, Nelson "Bighead" Bighetti
Former PA of Gavin Bleson, Donald "Jared " Dunn (my favorite character) quits Hooli and jumps at the opportunity to join Pied Piper after learning of Richard's algorithm and its potential.
Jared's first major decision of the series regards the fate of Bighead. See Bighead is probably Richard's only real friend, but an incredible liability as a coder. Jared, along with the other two guys want Bighead out. Richard refuses because he is incredibly loyal and also tends to make horrible decisions. #foreshadowing. Before having to make a tough decision Bighead quits to go back to Hooli as Gavin Belson poaches him claiming he has a co-founder of Pied Piper working for Hooli.
I should also mention Jing-Yang. He is an aggressively Chinese incubee that has an "unique" relationship with Erlich and no affiliation with Pied Piper.
Over the course of the series there are tons of ridiculous characters in the valley.
Russ Hanneman, the first man to put radio on the internet, member of the three comma club.
Laurie Bream, a VC who has the personality of a ceramic tile.
Denpok, Gavin's guru and spiritual adviser. Hoover, the head of security at Hooli who's love/hate one-sided relationship is one of the more underrated story-lines of the show. Dr. Crawford, Richard's tell it like it is physician. Ron LaFlamme, Pied Piper's guitar collector/lawyer
Pete Monahan, technically not a lawyer
Monica Hall, the cigarette sneaking, CFO of Pied Piper.
There's plenty others, but none as important to the story of Silicon Valley as Gavin Belson. After T.J. Miller left the series following the 4th season many (myself included) believed that was the beginning of the end. There may have been times throughout the show where it felt like they were just recycling the same theme over and over again but overall, I'd say 6 seasons out of this weird, niche show about tech is pretty damn good. It feels like it's time to move on. As an idealistic, romantic I'm pumped that it looks like Silicon Valley fans will get a happy ending to the series based on episode; although it would be peak Pied Piper to have one finally monkey wrench throw into the equation. I just had to pay my respect to one of the few shows on a non-streaming service that I have followed throughout its entire run coming to a close. I could go so much more in depth but I don't want to spoil/am trying to pay attention to the Seahawks fuck me. If you haven't watched SV, with it coming to an end tonight it's the perfect time to start binging. If you are a fan, spend a few minutes before the final episode of SV reliving some its best moments.
P.S.
The opening credits with the animation showing the growth of actually tech companies over the years is awesome. Such great detail. Facebook being in Russian this year is my favorite. Season 1:
Season 2:
Season 3:
Season 4:
Season 5:
Season 6:
I wanted to break this story as soon as it broke but I had a video session with my shrink #notashamed so it had to go on the back-burner...sorry Brandon Flowers.
As the dust settles I still am pretty shocked. Ron Rivera did not deserve to get fired before the year ends. Riverboat deserved better!
How is Riverboat/Analytical Ron the second coach to get the ax in 2019? I know losing to the Redskins this year is BAD, especially considering they were the first team to fire their coach, but WOW. The Panthers were playing okay football with a back-up QB whose hands that would make Uncle Jack Kelly feel like Andre the Giant and a kicker that belongs in Limp Bizkit. 
5-7 isn't horrible considering the circumstances. They were 5-3 but I feel like that's more because of Jared Allen not being the guy/Joey Slye.
How is Dan Quinn still employed by an NFC South franchise and Ron Rivera isn't??!?!
In 8+ seasons in Carolina, Ron Rivera was a good to above good head coach. Riverboat went 76-63-1 with four playoff appearances, 3 NFC South titles and won the 2015 NFC Championship. Ron Rivera was also a two-time AP Coach of the Year. From 2012-2015 he and Bruce Arians played hot potato with the semi-meaningless award. 
Sorry to all the DOL readers in Charlotte, but I feel like Carolina is one of those nothing franchises. 
Sure they've won the NFC twice, but they're still under 30 years old. They have a 1-15 year in the mix. Been to the playoffs 8 times (respectableish) and play in North Carolina. Not a state known for it's professional sports. If you were power-ranking the 32 NFL teams based on prestige the Panthers are easily in the bottom quarter of the rankings. My point is maybe they should've appreciated what they had?
Now I'm not a Carolina Panthers fan, I don't watch them every week, I know sometimes coaches can lose the locker room/fill in cliche here. This is purely as an outsider NFL fan....I don't understand this move. Ron Rivera's pretty much as good as its gonna get for the Carolina Panthers. This feels like making a move just to make a move. Under new ownership this move in a way has always been in play. Sometimes that works but IMO is not the best way to run a professional sports franchise; change for change's sake. I wouldn't be shocked if we look back in 5 years, the Panthers haven't been above 8-8 and Rivera is perennially leading some other team to the wild card round. With the Bears vastly under-achieving under last year's Coach of the Year, Matt Nagy maybe we could see a former '85 Bear (and former defensive coordinator) go home?
Need some mellow Christmas tunes to set the mood after that one
The Patriots lost to the Texans 28-22 on Sunday Night Football. TBH the game really wasn't even as close as the score would indicate. Weird shades of Super Bowl LI with a comeback that began with a James White TD and missed extra point but ultimately it was the Texans' night.
Even though they already burned all their timeouts and a comeback was unlikely; the lackadaisical approach in the 2 minute drill would've made Andy Reid shake his mustached head.
A Jules TD got the Pats within a score with less than a minute to go and 0 time outs remaining, Having to attempt an onside kick they actually had about as good of a chance at recovering one as you're gonna see in today's NFL.
Once the ball went out of bounds, the Texans knelt on it, dropping the Patriots to 10-2 and out of the AFC's top seed.
Yet another game where the offense was unable to get anything going (until it was too late). The national tv cameras picked up on Tom Brady's frustration early in the 2nd quarter.
There were for sure times tonight were Brady looked like a 42 year old QB and it was easy to say the offense played like a steering wheel that flies off when you're driving.
I believe Brady started off like 4/12 with a pick. Straight Tebow numbers. Analogy kills me, but g damn does it play.
There also is a growing issue with personnel telegraphing the Patriots every move.
I know sometimes the whole "we don't care if you know what we're gonna run...stop us" mantra can work in the NFL, but it doesn't when you have the offensive firepower of the 2019 New England Patriots. I just feel bad for the GOAT, guys. Brady is 42 throwing to undrafted Jakobi Meyers and Matt LaCosse on MNF. Don't even get me started on the waste of a 2nd rounder that is Mohamed Sanu.
It's like seeing your grandparents alone in nursing homes in their older years...they deserve better.
If only there was someone on the street who could help this offense's most glaring need.... someone who is fast, quicker, more explosive....everything, makes quick posts and is aggressive off the ball. — AB (@AB84) December 2, 2019
Like many New Englanders I have been wishing for a return of Antonio Brown to New England for weeks. ab-antonio-brown-apologizes-to-patriots-for-his-actions-on-social-media-i-say-let-bygones-be-bygones.html Sadly, it has been falling on deaf ears.
AB didn't listen to my idea to pull a Costanza after the bye. As of now he is still on the streets, just waiting for a call.
It's officially December and the New England Patriots have 2015 Denver Broncos written all over them. Potentially all-time great defense with a dreadful offense. One of the most flawed 10 win teams I've ever seen. While Brady is playing nowhere close to as poorly as Peyton did in '15 he sure could use some fucking help to avoid anymore comparisons. It's almost 1 am and there's no need for wit. Brady is 42 years old. Why would he want to come back to this island of misfit toys? Can we get the man some help? After all these team-friendly deals he deserves better than JAKOBI MEYERS. What a disgrace to Tom. It's almost Christmas, do the right thing and bring AB back home for the Holidays! Who cares about the scumbag stuff? The ring will still shine, I promise! I want AB back, Brady wants AB back, shit I bet even deep down Belichick wants AB back. What are we doing here? We're all gonna die someday might as well try to win one more Super Bowl before that inevitably happens. Goodnight and go Pats.
HUGE S/O to Eagles Guard Brandon Brooks For Being So Open and Transparent About His Anxiety11/25/2019 
Yesterday, during the 1st quarter of a 17-9 loss vs the Seattle Seahawks. Philadelphia Eagles RG Brandon Brooks left the game with what the team originally called an "illness".
Brooks later admitted that he left due to an illness related to an anxiety issue. I'm paraphrasing, but he was throwing up..a-lot and he had no shame in what happened. His only regret was leaving his teammates in battle. — Brandon Brooks (@bbrooks_79) November 25, 2019
DOL goes serious.
It is really awesome to see two things here that completely intertwine. Brooks' ability to be so transparent and the majority of people to be so sportive. Everything I've seen coming out of this has been supportive. Low-hanging fruit alert. Somewhat surprising to see coming out of Philly. That's why the biggest of ups are in order to Brandon Brooks. An NFL offensive lineman, generally thought of to be the toughest guys on the field found the inner-strength to admit he's living with anxiety. Now I know it's not Lou Gehrig's disease, but at times it can be crippling. Sometimes you never know what little thing can set it off. As me, it's refreshing to see someone be open and real about what they're dealing with. Kindaaa like my writing style. Regardless of how close it hits to home, it's encouraging to see. I feel like if this had happened even 5ish years ago there would be a lot of "look at this pussy" or even worse going on had the news gotten out of why Brooks left the game. I don't even know think a player admits this in the 2014 world tbh. So yay for progress! I know I may shit on "PC" culture or be a little extreme for comedic effect at times but if there is one good thing to come out of it...if you wanna throw this under that umbrella...the acceptance of mental health issues. People aren't afraid to admit they're going through shit. It's best to talk about it! Idk a lot the meaning of life but regardless of your beliefs I think there are somethings we can all agree life is about; one is love, the other is human connection. You need both to have a life worth living. Life is fucking disgusting. But sometimes disgusting things can be wicked cool and awesome. It's ugly, but it's ours. You have to be able to live life through the shit. because we're all gonna step in our fair share. Sometime's the first time you wear the new kicks. Sadly there's still a stigma, but it seems to be getting more and more accepted and okay to talk about. At least I'm fucking living my life that way. I personally used to think anxiety was the biggest crock of shit and that "everybody gets nervous" then one day everything changed and I was like oh wait this is me. Everybody's story is different, but I know there are tons of people out there who can in somewhat or another relate to what Brandon Brooks dealt with yesterday. And while yes he does have a high profile job, he's still a human, like the rest of us. Except for Zuckerberg. Bonus spin off completely different path p.s. must watch Borat take on Zuck.
During the 4th quarter of a 20-3 victory over the Denver Broncos, THIRTY SIX YEAR OLD Buffalo Bills running back Frank Gore moved into 3rd place on the all-time rushing yard list. (15,289)
Gore (36) out of the University of Miami in the 2005 NFL Draft continues to defy logic. Not only did he just pass Barry Sanders (15,269 yards) but for the 15th straight year he is leading his team in rushing. (51 yards more than 22 year old rookie Devin Singletary through 11 games)
The Buffalo Bills are 8-3. I know there are many typos on DOL but that is correct. I promise. The Buffalo Bills are 8-3. I am required to mention their final 5 games are very tough and 3 are on the road...but 8-3 is 8-3. Good for Buffalo. Best record through 11 games since 1996. The contrarian may say that Barry did it on nearly 500 fewer carries and while true but nobody is taking anything away from the great Barry Sanders. He just made the NFL 100 All-Time team. I think Gore passing him shows the greatness of both backs. What Barry was able to achieve in a relatively short career, and Frank Gore's ability to keep pounding the rock long past his expected expiration date.
Fellow former U running back, Clinton Portis talking about seeing Gore as freshman really puts the longevity of Frank Gore in perspective.
Clinton Portis, a borderline Hall of Fame running back in his own right, is less than 2 years older than Frank Gore and he hasn't played a down since 2010!! I know Portis was hurt, but God damn Frank Gore has had a hell of a career. In an era where more and more guys are calling it quits early, Frank is still having fun playing the kids game as his 20 year high school reunion must be coming up soon. He's been through so much and to still be playing well enough to make a impact on a likely playoff team as he is officially in his late 30's....Incredible.
IMO Frank Gore is one of the most underappreciated running backs in NFL history. NINE 1000 yard seasons. Another two where he was less than 40 yards away from 1K. All-time leading rusher in the history of the San Francisco 49ers (decent franchise). 6,450 yards after he turned 30; almost 1,500 more than HOFer Gale Sayers had in his entire career.
With 1,438 more yards Gore would pass Sweetness himself, Walter Payton for 2nd place all-time. You gotta think there's like a 35% chance that happens. Emmitt Smith's all-time record of 18,355 (over 3,000 more than Gore) seems safe....8% chance.
He's obviously not forgotten, but if you were just gonna rank the top 20 yardage rushers 1-20 how many would people have before him? Maybe now in his later years he'll finally get the recognition he deserves in NFL history. Some all-time heartbreaks during the Harbaugh 49er 3-year run have unfairly changed the legacy of Gore. Even as a Patriots fan sometimes I think it's unfair how much a Super Bowl change the legacy of a player in the ultimate team game. That being said... 2011: If Ted Ginn wasn't hurt allowing Kyle Williams to fumble away an NFC title he's got at least another shot at a ring. 2012: If Jim Harbaugh stuck to what had gotten the 49ers to the Super Bowl and back in the game itself AND ran the ball with Gore inside the 5 instead of throwing fades to Michael Crabtree there's a great chance that not only does Frank Gore have a Super Bowl ring but also has a Super Bowl MVP. Gores final carry of Super Bowl XLVIII was a 33 yard carry to get the 49ers a first and goal on the 7 yard line. 2013: Down 6 to the Seahawks in the NFCCG, driving late to potentially take lead, Kaepernick threw the pick that induced the nation to Richard Sherman. Frank Gore hasn't been the playoffs since, but when he got there, he was fantastic.
Even with the Bills at 8-3 and having a nice story this year...let's be real. The Ravens or Patriots will be representing the AFC in Miami for Super Bowl LIV. With the 9ers good again and using seemingly 7 backs a game, it sucks to see Frank Gore achieve this in Buffalo.
Congratulations to Frank Gore on being the new Bronze Medalist of the NFL rushing Olympics. One of my all-time favorites. Just an absolute workhouse, smashmouth, everything you want in a running back, running back.
To Whom It May Concern,
If you're a returning reader, this is the moment you've been waiting for on pins and needles for four years. If this is your first time reading DOL, you sure picked the perfect moment to jump in. So sit back, relax, and prepare to be overshared to by a 27 year old deadbeat finally deciding to go for it as the stars align! For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I wasn't cut out for "normal life". I have "here for a good time, not a long time" written all over me. I felt like I just wasn't meant to be "another guy". Not trying to suck my own dick here, but for lack of a better word... I was special. That I had more to offer and give people. I can vividly remember being terrified in high school thinking about having to pick what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My ever-growing fear of becoming "an adult" grew like a baby inside me that was going to have to be dealt with one way or another. I wanted to go into journalism to write about sports. That's what I did my senior project on, but my dad would not support that as "newspapers are dying" which to his credit, was true even in 2009. Since I love sports and was obsessed with being a high school football player to the point where winning a state championship mattered more to me than even getting into college so I decided to go to school to be a history teacher....where I could become a football coach and chase that illusive state championship.
But God damnit, I almost pulled it off as a kid. I had a actual chance to make it. Better than most in fact. The stars aligned in 1997 when I was 5 years old on a trip to New York City with my mom to go to a Rosie O'Donnell Show taping.
We got there super early to get the best seats possible and ended up in the second row. Obviously since I was 5 the memories aren't crystal clear but I can remember finding snacks under the seat and thinking that was the coolest thing ever. 4 hour trip totally worth it. As the show got closer to taping I kept doing what I always did as a kid; talk. I didn't really start talking until I was 3 (yikes) but boy did I try to make up for lost time. I've heard this story from my mom at least 2,000 times, so I know exactly what happens next. We got there wicked early not only to get good seats but to try and see if I could read the guest list and do the little intro to her show. If you ever watched you know what I'm talking about. Since I was 5 they said no (totally understandable). As the show was getting closer to filming the producer told the audience to be stop talking. Being 5 years old, I did not oblige. The producer came up to my mom and said if I didn't stop talking they'd kick us out. Imagine that shit? My mom wanted to go to this taping of the the fucking Rosie O'Donnell Show so bad she requested tickets 8 months prior, took the train into NYC at the ass crack of dawn to get in line HOURS before the taping on a school day to get the best seats possible and I was going to throw it all away before Rosie even got on stage. As the show began, my mom did the same thing that millions of mothers have done before to save themselves and their baby. She covered my mouth with both hands to shut me up. Rosie saw.
After that, the name Ryan Mxxxxxx was HOT. Did you watch? I was electric and have been over two decades. Who else has the balls to tell the most famous joke in the history of jokes on national tv?
I was EVERYWHERE! 
In a "holy shit I just discovered who I am moment" maybe this is why I'm so fucking obsessed with one-hit wonders...
Unfortunately, the whole acting thing didn't quite work out. I was too young for one role I auditioned for and late for another (thanks Mom). All I had left was some Koosh-Balls, a VHS tape and crazy story of the time I met Rosie. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that I wasn't a child-star because I would have definitely done all the real gateway drugs much too soon. (joe-bidens-archaic-stance-that-weed-is-a-gateway-drug-is-detrimental-to-society-as-we-know-it.html)
As a child of divorce, naturally childhood wasn't awesome. I moved a lot in middle school. My middle school experience was like the Wendy's 4 for $4. Four years, four different schools. As a kid who had to make new friends a lot I seamlessly transitioned into the role of class clown. Being a chubby kid who stumbled on his words, I soon learned the power of self-depreciation. During this time I also gained the ability to totally disregard my true feelings on things just to make friends and be liked. Word of advice never fucking do this. Nowadays when you don't have a lot of friends the internet can try to fill that void, but in the late 90's and early 2000's TV was still king, baby. Boy oh boy did I watch a lot of TV and movies. Almost exclusively comedies. I love to laugh. Probably to escape the harsh reality that is life lol. I was raised by SNL and Chris Farley was my God. Tommy Boy is the first real adult comedy I can ever remember watching as a kid and 1000% influenced the man I am today. Eventually I decide this constant moving shit is not for me. I want to have a normal high school existence. So in 8th grade I moved back with my dad full time. This was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I'll tell you why at the interview. OHhhhHHHh,,, VERY important backstory for everybody who's made it this far and in efforts to not waste our time recapping high school,I will tell you one quick story that is without a doubt the most important moment in me becoming the man I am today. The story of the origination of the nickname Dozah. The year is 2006, you and I were in the process of winning Time Person of the Year. I was only a freshmen in high school at the time, so it's much more impressive that I won. Technically at this point in the story I was not even a freshmen because high school had not yet started, but double sessions for football had. I love being the age I am because it gives me a great historical perspective. I was young, but just old enough to remember the 90's and life before technology took over the world. I remember 9/11 and the days afterwards and I also went to high school when football was still football. The dying days of the pre-concussion protocol football. It was at that very training camp where the Dozah name was born. I hate admitted the name is self-proclaimed but it's been 13 years and has just stuck with me. It's time to embrace it. Me and my buddy Matty were talking about football and high school starting. Obviously this was a big time in our lives. So we needed nicknames. I took that into my own hands and said "I'll be the bulldozer that makes holes for you and you'll be...." I need to make sure you understand this...not the, "da" you'll be "da cah" you'll be "da cah" that drives through the holes. " I know it's hard to believe but only one of those nicknames stuck. Now in my 20's as someone who frequently passes out in public the nickname has taken on an entirely new meaning.
Fast forward to 2010. I am a freshmen at the University of Rhode Island living in Barlow Hall ready to start college and make a name for myself.
There are two paths. To the left we can actually try during class, branch out and meet new people. Maybe join a frat? Really do the whole college thing up! To the right we can totally embrace going to college 10 minutes away from home, steal your best friend's girlfriend a month into college. (all-time scumbag move by me, but I've been paying the karmic price ever since). Have a girlfriend the first two years of school while everybody is making new friends and having fun. Then when you break up two years later everybody your age already has their crew... leaving you in a very awkward transitional phase. She's the first thing that comes to your mind when thinking about college to this very day, making it difficult to differentiate experiences and focus on just them. Guess which way I went?! p.s. I still love you. is that a joke? who knows!?
Well luckily despite all the stuff I just said, I genuinely enjoyed college. For all intents and purposes I was a loser in school, a nobody, just another face in the crowd but I had fun. I wasn't "Dozah" the class clown that the entire school knew, that was on prom court (NBD) and a key loss from the powerhouse 2009 NHS Mariners.
While I was in college "learning how to be a teacher" I spent most of my time writing papers and tweeting; the later a habit I gained in high school. I was very early to twitter. April 26th, 2009 to be precise. We used it in high school as an IM substitute since everything else was blocked. Since I started tweeting as a junior in high school I made the difficult decision to kill my first twitter account in July. I am almost 28 years old and nowhere close to the man I was 5 years ago, forget 10. I had the foresight to delete it before I blew up. Josh Hader could've learned a thing or two from this teacher. So living in the town over I resented going to URI, I hated how it felt like extended-high school, that I felt like I was forced to go there because of convenience and in-state tuition. Granted a lot of this was my own fault, but at this point I was really bitter. I hated how URI sports were a fucking joke and how the culture of the school was dominated by hardo geek life kids from the tri-state area. It was safe to say I was a hater and in my hater ways I created the monster that is @URIprobs. What started with this tweet:
turned into an empire that at it's peaked had over 5,000 followers. I always used to pull a Job Bluth and say over 6,000 but I honestly do not remember the peak.
I'm sure that information is available somewhere. Gun to my head I don't think I ever got to 6K.
Through purely word of mouth and twitter interactions I was able to organically grow @URIprobs. As I type this sentence even as a basically inactive account it has over 4,500 followers. Pretty impressive considering the size of URI's campus and the overall quality if you ask me. I did this all as just another face in the clouds. A nobody, a loser. Complaining and making shitty commentary on URI life as a guy who truly never experienced it. There's been many times where I considered using that account as a jumping off point for DOL but it kinda felt like cheating to me, plus I know my audiences were not entirely the same demo. While I was on my own personal twitter account I starting interacting with Barstool personalities. At this time Barstool was still run out of a dentist office in Milton. There were under 20 bloggers. It's fucking incredible where it's gotten to from when even I started reading and I know I was late to the party. I was aware of Barstool in early college when I had a GF, but it really became a big part of my life once I was single in 2013. I read it constantly. It was exactly what I was all about; sports, girls, busting balls, making people laugh, calling out people for their hypocrisies and bullshit. I was hooked from the jump. Big Cat quickly became my favorite. (Dave, I still love you) 
After the Spurs won the NBA Finals in 2014 and Pres said something about Pop not celebrating.
This was the highlight of my day on May 17th, 2015 (shouldn't have gotten my hair cut 2 weeks before graduation...that neck!) (a-year-ago-today-i-graduated-college-a-timeline-of-may-17-2015.html)
Just guys being (juice) dudes.
When KFC followed me this was the "holy shit" moment. I was shocked he never unfollowed me tbh. I figured I must've got muted. Then this happened.
Unprovoked reply!
The whole KFC following me thing definitely fucked with me. Why me? I'm pretty sure it was only because I was a premium KFC Radio member at the time but then I started getting in my own head. Does this dude know who I am? Has he ever read DOL? I knew the answer was likely no to both but as a conspiracy guy I always was shocked that Kevin stayed following me. I'll always appreciate that. I was the biggest KFC guy when I first got into Barstool. His Home Alone blogs are on my Mount Rushmore. Not anti-KFC, I just don't listen to KFC radio as much since Big Cat left. There's only so much content one guy can consume! I rooted for the Mets HARD in 2015. Making it into a KFC blog is by far my favorite personal moment as a barstool fan (stoolie). 
I reeeeaaaallly loved Big Cat Saves Detroit
(for context)
I still feel like the door isn't completely closed on the Frambulance, especially after this.
Defending Rhody to Wonton Don
FUCK RAPAPORT
VERY handsome!
Loved checking my mentions this day.
Happy Birthday Dozo.
Who the fuck was I dropping microaggression?
PFT may be the smartest writer on internet right now. I would to talk conspiracies with this guy.
Don't think I forgot about John Henry! Although I hope he forgot the time I ran into him at Dockside in 2017.
Backstory: I'm a HUGE unbuttoned shirt guy. The drunker I get, the less buttons I have. There have been many an completely unbuttoned night in the drinking days of ole dozo. Well because I think nothing is off limits in comedy I didn't think this was a big deal... but it was perceived as racist or at the very least racial when I complemented a black gentlemen Feits was with for having his shirt significantly unbuttoned too. If anything I was trying to soup him up. I mean it's fucking true that a lot of black dudes love to rock the all the way buttoned shirt. I was just pumped to see a brother rocking the chest flow. IMO all the way buttoned is a dumb look regardless of race, creed or gender. 
but perfectly on brand with Dozo things got very awkward. That same night I drunkenly talked shop with Benny Freeman aka Young Pageviews and he had to have been one of the nicest, most down to earth guys I've ever met. Talked to him about DOL and everything, we face timed Tex (I'll get to my history with him soon). Beatiful evening...oh yeah here's the Feits tweets.
I'm on twitter too. I know sometimes the like/favorite button can be out of pity. We've all done it. I'm an emotional guy, but I can handle it. Although I would fully embrace my role as the Dick Vermeil of Barstool.
But those aren't even all the interactions we've had. Didn't feel the need to saturate this blog 80+ pics of Big Cat liking my shitty jokes. My point is statistically speaking a few of those made barstool employees laugh. They had to. There's too many to be all pity. Ie.... I'm funny and a good fucking writer. I have encyclopedic knowledge of useless sports and music facts that would be entirely useful as a Barstool Blogger and am full of ideas. I applied for a Viceroy job in 2017 and interviewed with Tex over the phone. Didn't get it, but we all know his judgment. You all must have thousands of people asking you for jobs daily. I am the first one to admit my flaws, but I'm confident that I'm a good writer and be an asset to BSS. Maybe not in with punctuation or grammar at times but I people are always telling me how good I am. I have "a way with words" Professor Pearson at URI probably disagrees, but what does that guy know about things that aren't the Renaissance or Game of Thrones?
I born to work for this company. I've been writing on DOL since 2016. Started with a post inspired by my blogging icon (dozo-the-dentist.html). I just want an opportunity to interview. #hiredozo is just an easier hashtag. I know Barstool is an incredibly hard job to get, but at the same time it can be the easiest. It's all about the opportunity and timing. Some people run fast and have funny nicknames and get a chance. I'm hoping my story and content I've created over the years is enough for me. I have hundreds of blogs and have my greatest hits I'd love to share. With Barstool in home state and my recent long-term subbing assignment coming to it seemed like the perfect chance to finally go for it. I wanted to write more but this already long enough and I'm going to #RNR with my boys tonight. Ideally I'll run into someone tonight. Look for a 6 foot tall thicccc dude with gorgeous hair and communist Lebron shirt. Let me leave you with this, to paraphrase the greatest college football player of all time; Tim Tebow. (and the original black-listed kneeler) If given a chance you will never see anybody in the entire company blog as hard as I will blog and you will never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody and you will never see someone as appreciative and grateful of everyday they have at Barstool Sports as ole dozo. God Bless. Thank you for taking time to read this, Ryan "Doz" Mxxxxx #hiredozo @dozonlife @URIprobs Joe Biden's Archaic Stance That Weed Is a Gateway Drug Is Detrimental to Society as We Know It!11/19/2019 
Let's start off on a positive. It's Joe's 77th birthday's tomorrow (thanks wikipedia). So Happy Birthday Joe. I hope you have a grand kid that gets you an edible.
ICYMI the 2020 Presidential hopeful is getting dragged online for saying what many cannabis users have heard from high school counselors for decades; marijuana is a "gateway drug".
As someone who dabbles with dabs, generally supports freedom and free will...I have always hated that thought process. It's demeaning, ill-informed, and archaic. Granted while Joe struggled to spit his point out he didn't completely write off legalization, he just sounded extra pushing 80 while doing so. The one thing I'll agree with is we definitely need to do more research. If only weed was legal so then the FDA could find out more of its health benefits and risk factors....
The logic is that drug-addicts started with weed so had they not they wouldn't be addicted to harder drugs. Hence the term "gateway drug". While that is not 100% false, it is completely fudging the numbers/moving the goal posts. Real drug addicts likely did start by smoke weed at some point. You could also say all drug addicts went to school at some point in their life. Is public education a gateway drug? Do you know where most drug dealers get their start? How about pizza? Because most people I know have tried that before too. Is pepperoni and onion pizza a gateway to opioid dependence? People that say weed should be illegal because it's a gateway drug are probably the same who thought black people couldn't be quarterbacks because they weren't smart enough and don't believe in climate change because sometimes it still snows during winter. These are the same people who think weed is the same as heroin and that anybody who smokes weed is a deadbeat. All this while running on alcohol and caffeine to get through their miserable existence. PREACH JOE (Rogan)!
It's just straight up wrong. So many productive members of society smoke weed and the majority of people have at least tried it before. It doesn't need to be a big deal. Some who didn't become full-blown meth heads actually found decent jobs.
Our country has taken away countless years of people's lives for petty drug charges while real crime runs rampant. Its shameful. Saying shit like this was okay in 1972. Not now. Weed is like the 40,00th most dangerous thing we need to worry about as a society. You hear these stories of guys in the Jim Crow South doing 15 years for a couple joints in the 2000s. It breaks my heart. The prison system in this country is modern day slavery. Watch Grass is Greener on Netflix.
Don't get me wrong as much as I love the reefer, I know it's not perfect and certainly not for everybody. It affects people in a variety of ways. But you can 1,000,000,000 x 10 % say the same for booze. We all can think of at least a half dozen people we know without batting an eye who probably shouldn't drink . Does that mean nobody should be allowed to? Just because some people get drunk and hit their kids doesn't mean we all do. I'm not anti-alcohol by any means, I enjoy a beer or 8, but the fact that booze is completely legal for people 21+ despite the known damage it does to people, their bodies and their loved ones is laughable. When people drink they can get rowdy, angry, aggressive, violent and lose their inhibitions. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Once when I was drunk I blew cigarette smoke in my mom's face. By far the scummiest thing I've ever done in my life. When I'm high, I want to look at old pictures and talk about life. You tell me what's worse? As bad as alcohol is we can't just take it away from everybody because some people can't handle it. Group punishment doesn't work, trust me. The U.S. even tried to get rid of alcohol to save people before. Instead it got the ball rolling for organized crime and NASCAR. Not to go full "Okay, Boomer" because a. Biden isn't a boomer and b. I don't find that meme funny but this is the perfect way to lose the young vote. More out of touch than Hall and Oate's last number one hit. Not that Dino-Biden has a chance anyways but saying weed is a gateway drug just completely dates you and makes you sound like a fool. 
In my professional opinion, self-awareness is one of the most important traits people should have. That is what truly shows maturity. You could be 17 or 71, you need to know you; what you're capable of, your strengths, your weaknesses, who you are, etc. That's exactly why I don't bring the ball up in pick-up hoops or even attempt to iron.
Knowing when you were wrong and being able to admit it takes great strength. I know many people who still have a problem with this. After decades some still cannot admit fault; it took AB less than three months. Pretty good timetable if you ask me. We should be applauding this man for the personal growth. Let's not forget Antonio's August. Since I have great self-awareness, I know the Patriots likely aren't going to listen to the pleas of a man who had at least 100 receptions every season from 2013-2018. Belichick benched Malcolm Butler in the fucking Super Bowl and still didn't play him after giving up 313 yards in first half. The man holds his ground. Like he said, the Pats had fun on Sunday.
Obviously AB had a short leash in New England considering he was a Patriot for all of 13 days but can we please at least entertain the thought? After all he said he was sorry in a very genuine way.
I know the Patriots are 9-1 but to me the Ravens game says a lot more than the 9 wins. I still believe in this defense 100% but you cannot expect them to force 4 turnovers a game and keep teams under 20 points every single week. The offense needs to do its part. You might have to score 31 to win a game in January/February. Tom Brady is 42 years old and has looked like it at times this year with stat lines like 18 of 39 for 150 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT and 26 of 47 for 216 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT. I don't think it's fair to place the majority of the blame on Brady with the injuries on the offense line, regression of Sony Michel, loss of James Develin and Gronk. He doesn't have any time. Dachshunds protect homes from armed burglars better than Marshall Newhouse blocks edge rushers.
I know Belichick won't back down like Tom Petty but can he just bend the rules this one time? Jesus. You know what helps a poor offensive line....the short, quick passing game. Know who's pretty good at getting open quickly? Antonio Brown.
I don't think you're going to lose the locker-room if you bring AB back. If there's ever a time to change policy, it's now, in what is essentially Tom Brady's senior year. ​Fans care about winning, I'm gonna assume players do too. Even though IG killed the activity tab (which I'm all for) we (including Bill Belichick) can still see who likes posts if you wanna do the dirty work. Let's take a look at some of AB's most recent relevant posts and who showed loved.
Posted: 11/19/2019
Liked by:
AB is a biiiiiiiggg time self liker. I bet he reacts to his own texts un-ironically too.
​
Posted: 11/17/19
Liked by:
​Posted: 11/15/19 
Liked by:
Tom Brady, James White, Gilmore, Harmon, and Hightower. Pretty important men in that locker room if you ask me. Brady, James White and Dont'a Hightower are all team captains. Harmon has been in the past. The way I see it AB should've pulled a Costanza and showed up after the bye like nothing happened. What's the worst that happens? You stay unemployed? I don't know if this team is good enough to win the Super Bowl offensively and isn't that the ultimate goal? Gronk ain't walking through that door. Dave Andrews (not his fault!) has mother fucking blood clots in his lungs, I won't pile up on Marshall Newhouse....but Isaiah Wynn should be coming back soon. I don't know how much of an improvement he will be but since we've got an used car lot inflatable man at the blindside I'll take my chances. Tom Brady has done EVERYTHING this organization has asked and you're gonna give him a swiss cheese o-line and fucking Mohamed Sanu at 42 years old??? ​DO THE RIGHT THING!!! CALL GOD! CALL AB! 
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