You have to watch that video for the context of this blog.
On this day in 1994, Robert Kraft officially purchased the New England Patriots for $175 million dollars from James Orthwein. Inflation is a bicccchhh! In the 26 years since, it's safe to say RKK made the right call going against everything he knew in business by purchasing the team. (graph) 
I could go on and on like the fault in our stars song about the success of the franchise; not only since Tom Brady became starting QB week 3 of the 2001 season, but since 1994 when Mr. Kraft bought the team (every game has been a sell-out). I could talk about how the Patriots used to have games blacked out or how they only hosted one playoff game (a 31-14 loss in 1978 Divisional Round to the Oilers) at Foxboro Stadium prior to his ownership or how the Patriots were basically orphans until the 1970s. I'm not going to do that; I've spent years of my life doing that. You can read plenty of other blogs or articles for information on that topic. This post is an appreciation of Robert Kraft literally saving the New England Patriots as a professional sports franchise in Massachusetts (and New England in general). It's about the horrors of what the owners of professional sports franchises do to the cities and regions that so loyally support them. How RKK saw his boyhood team the Boston Braves leave the city; how much that hurt him growing up and shaped him. He stopped that from happening again to an entirely new generation of fans. I don't think many people, especially my age and under understand that had RKK not had the foresight to buy Foxboro Stadium when the Sullivan family lost basically everything trying to fund a Michael Jackson tour there would be no professional football in New England; at least not the Patriots. It may be impossible to fathom given the success of the organization today, but there are no more New England Patriots without Robert Kraft. They were going to move to St. Louis.
In 2020 I swore I'd learn how to read and the basic rules of punctuation. In attempts to hold up my end of the bargain, I've been reading I Never Played the Game by Howard Cosell. 
I'm about 200 pages in and loving it. This is a quick, relevant tangent... I am currently obsessed with all things Howard Cosell. As a sports historian, he is my sports media hero. He's one of the most important people in the history of sports IMO. The NFL would not be where it is today without him. He's gotten a horrible wrap for being authentic (sound familiar?) and it's an absolute travesty he's not a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame for his contributions to the growth of the sport. My admiration for Howie is for another day, but entirely relevant to this post.
In I Never Played the Game, Cosell goes as my contemporaries would say "in" on the hypocrisy and idiocy in sports. Three of the first four chapters of the book are about how owners will turn a blind eye to communities that supported them. The battle between Al Davis and Pete Rozelle over the Raiders moving to Los Angeles is fascinating. Davis challenged the legality of the NFL constitution when he moved the team to LA against the approval of the other owners. As someone with an 8th grade history textbook's worth of knowledge on anti-trust laws and monopolies I feel like I learned so much. Al Davis isn't the only owner who's moved a franchise, and he sure as hell won't be the last. My bigger point is that we think of sports as this part of us that will never leave, but these billionaire owners will jump ship as soon as there's a sexier offer across the country. While I referenced Al Davis; he is nothing like these slithering owners I'm referencing. If you're my age or younger you may not even know that the Brooklyn Dodgers were the most profitable team in the National League when they left Brooklyn for Los Angeles. Or that the Indianapolis Colts were the Baltimore Colts from 1953-1984 before they moved in the middle of the night to Indy like cowards; turning a blind eye to a community that loved and supported them for over 30 years. It may be difficult to fully wrap your head around it now because so much time has passed but the Baltimore Colts were a classic NFL franchise with a passionate following. The Miami Dolphins and Philadelphia Eagles are historically relevant franchises that would seem impossible to play elsewhere, but both nearly did. Imagine the landscape of sports without the Philadelphia Eagles. Like many teams, the Colts had an aging stadium that wasn't able to compete with the modern cookie-cutter multipurpose stadiums of the time. When the city didn't give him what he wanted, owner Bob Irsay just up and left; basically told millions of fans to fuck themselves because of the new stadium, the Hoosier (later; RCA) Dome in Indy. This could've been the Patriots fate had a few things gone differently.
The perplexing issue with sports is that of their importance. What I have learned the last few years is that sports don't really matter; at least not like I used to think they do. It's absurd to think the outcome of a game played by strangers has such a heavy impact on our day-to-day lives, but then again they totally do. To a certain extent I love it and despite what I just said; I'm just as guilty. I mean it's why this blog even exists in the first place...my love of sports.
You can call them silly little games all you want, but the fact of the matter is sports are a multi-billion dollar industry in this country; at times they seem bigger than religion. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it's reality; at least for now. They matter. Sports are such a big part of community, the economy, family and self-identity. The memories and moments can shape our upbringing. I vividly remember watching the entire 2004 Red Sox playoff run with my mom. Those are moments and memories that shaped me into who I am today. You can use almost any sport or city in the country as an example. Even if they haven't had the success of the Patriots (nobody has). I'm sure there's people in Denver who fell in love with baseball during the 2007 Rockies World Series run or kids in New Orleans that watched the Saints win the Super Bowl with their parents who never thought they'd see the day AND HAD THEIR CITY DESTROYED BY A FUCKING HURRICANE. There are "kids" in every nook and cranny of America that have used college or professional sports to bond and connect with a loved one. What I experienced that fall with my mom is not uncommon. Sure, I (along with all Boston sport fans under the age of 30) were born in the golden age of dominance. Luckily, the Patriots and their historic, nearly 20 year long, double-dynasty were able to be apart of those memories because without Robert Kraft there's a great chance they'd be somebody else's.
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For the first time since my freshmen year of college (2010-11), the New England Patriots will not be playing in the AFC Championship game. Their record of 8 straight Conference Championship Games was longer than Andrew Luck's entire NFL career (one of their many victims in said AFCCGs) and snapped by the Eddie Vedder, still alive Tennessee Titans. A string of 8 straight AFCCG (5-3 overall; 3-2 in Super Bowls) will likely never be seen again. Claps for my Pats.
Before the Patriots, the record was five straight by the Oakland Raiders from 1973-1977 (1-4 overall; 1-0 in the Super Bowl). Back in the days where only four teams made the playoffs aka it was way fucking easier. S/o John Madden, one of my football heroes.
In the NFL's 100th year of existence (#NFL100) there's a beautiful #narrative still v much in the mix; we could have a rematch of the First AFL-NFL World Championship Game! Chiefs-Packers.
It wasn't until Super Bowl IV when the Super Bowl was officially recognized as the "Super Bowl". "Super Bowl" was just an unofficial nickname coined by Lamar Hunt to combat the wordy "AFL-NFL World Championship Game." Yet another example of the AFL being ahead of the times.
Both Conference Championship match ups are rematches of games from earlier in the year. Going into the season, I didn't even think the Titans or 49ers would be anywhere close to the playoffs, but that is the beauty of the NFL. With the exception of the New England Patriots dominating for anywhere between 12-14 regular season wins a year, there is not much that stays the same year-to-year in the NFL. Just look at the AFC South since 2014.
There's been at least four new playoff teams every year for, I believe, 29 years in a row. I saw a graphic this week that I should've saved. Don't worry, I just slapped myself as punishment.
Obviously, I would prefer that the Patriots were still in the fight, but I'll be honest with you. After 8 straight AFC Championship Games it's kind of nice having a year off. It's a lot less stressful, let someone else get a chance. With the exception of the Packers, none of these teams have won a championship in 25+ years (if ever). Sometimes, I wish the Patriots success was more spread out. Don't get me wrong, I love this run and so grateful it happened when it happened, but of course, as a spoiled boi, I worry about later in life. I mean they won 3 out 4, nothing for a decade, then 3 out of 5. It's gonna fucking suck if they go like 38 years without a Super Bowl, which is really not that hard to do; the Chiefs haven't made the Super Bowl since the 1969 season (final year of the AFL). Will their 50 year absence end tomorrow? 
With Tom Brady (and the Patriots) out of the mix, it means there will be a new World Champion. As I previously mentioned, all four teams that are still in the (Lamar) hunt have not won a championship in some time:
Here's the Sunday slate and my picks from year's past. 2017 2018 2019 AFC Championship Game: Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs (-7) Arrowhead Stadium Kansas City, Missouri. 3:05 PM (EST) CBS
This is a rare "I'm happy either way" match-up. I love both coaches and despite a recent run-in with KC as an AFC power, I have nothing but love for that organization. I am a HUGE AFL-history guy. I have a ton of respect for what the Chiefs mean in the story of both the AFL and NFL. I've watched the '69 Chiefs America's Game on YouTube 20+ times.
The Titans-Chiefs week 10 match up in Nashville was a turning point for both franchises.
When the Titans came back from a 29-20 fourth quarter deficit to win 35-32, to me that was the official "okay they have something with Tannehill" moment. That was a season changing win for the Titans. Going into the game TEN was 4-5; winning got them to .500. The Titans went 4-2 down the stretch to grab the 6 seed. After having one of the worst offenses in the NFL with Aloha Jesus; Mr. "idk what teams are in my division", Tractorcito and Corey Davis have totally changed the Titan offense. The Titans have scored over 30 points five times with Tannehill as their QB. The week 10 game was also the last time the Chiefs lost. They are clearly a different (and better team) now. It was Mahomes first start after a three week absence and still was a clearly winnable game for KC; as I mentioned they were up 9 in the 4th quarter. Since then, the Chiefs have not slowed down. Coming off a roller coaster 20 point win against the Texans, you know they're not satisfied. The Titans actually have fared quite well against the Chiefs the last few years. They've won 4 straight (three at Arrowhead) match ups; including the infamous Mariota TD pass to himself game, where the Chiefs blew a 21-3 lead in Alex Smith's final start with the team. Both teams have different starting QBS now but that game was only two years ago. These are not the same exact teams, but there's a lot of guys still around. This is not a team scared of going into Arrowhead. Especially with Mike Vrabel's dick on the line.
To beat the Chiefs again I think (along with many people paid to give their opinion) the Titans need to follow the Patriots' formula of controlling the clock in the first half with long run-heavy sustained drives in last year's AFCCG. It's no secret the Titans have been riding Tractorcito throughout the postseason. Tannehill is putting Bob Griese numbers; under 100 yards passing in both playoff games. Football wisdom would make you think the Chiefs are going to do all they can do make Tannehill beat them. We may see 10 men in the box.
The Chiefs defense is much improved from 2018 where they were 24th in points and 31st in yards allowed respectively. In 2019 they're 7th and 17th, but one thing you can still do against the Chiefs is pound the rock. KC was 26th in rushing yards against in 2019. Derrick Henry can have a field day against the defense. He ran for 188 and 2 TDs in week 10. Kansas City showed last week they are NEVER dead. They erased a 24-0 2nd quarter deficit BY HALF TIME. This offense is as explosive as Andy Reid's diarrhea after 3 t-bones. As a narrative guy you best believe I know the Chiefs know the narratives around this game:
I am so torn on this game because I really could see it going either way. The first quarter is going to be huge for how this game plays out because the Titans are not a team that is built to come back down three scores (unlike the Chiefs).
I could soooo see a scenario similar to last year's AFCCG where TEN has maybe a 10-0, 14-0, 17-7 type lead early, they've been dominating T.O.P. but the Chiefs just wake up and go on one of their GSW- like point bukukke runs and all of a sudden they're up 7. I think for the Titans to have any chance this game has to played at their pace. **wild Titans stat** they've made zero field goals since week 13. Normally I like to defer, but if I'm either team I want the ball first here to try to dictate the pace early. I think it would be foolish for KC to chose to give the Titans the ball to potentially drained 7+ minutes off the clock en route to Derrick Henry carrying the ball 8+ times for a touchdown. The smart pick is the Chiefs and while I would not be upset seeing them win (and I'm low key rooting for the Super Bowl I rematch) if I were to bet this game Titans ML +280 is just too juicy to pass up. They've beaten the Pats and Ravens on the road so far. Despite KC being "soooo hard" to play at road teams are 9-3 in the playoffs their in the last 12 games. As I say this it wouldn't blow my mind if the Chiefs find away to contain Henry and the clock somehow strikes Midnight for Tannehill at the worst possible time as he is playing for a contract and been super....a horrible AFCCG could erase all of that. Fuck it..I'm rolling with the Titans. Andy Reid is 1-5 in AFC/NFC Championship Games. These playoffs are going FULL 2011. Titans 28 Chiefs 24 Derrick Henry 200+ yards as he continues to have a 2014 Madison Bumgarner type run.
NFC Championship Game: Green Bay Packers at San Francisco 49ers (-7.5)
Levi Stadium Santa Clara, California 6:40 PM (EST) FOX
In another rematch from the regular season we have two young coaches facing off for a chance at the Lombardi. LaFleur is a rookie HC and Shanahan is only in year three.
Back in week 12 the 49ers embarrassed the Packers 38-7 in front of a Nationally Televised audience on Sunday Night Football. The Packers were 0-2 in the state of California during the 2019 regular season and outscored 63-19 in the Redwood State. I have been one of the biggest 49er haters all season long and they've continue to prove me wrong all the way to the NFC Championship Game; the Niners first since the 2013 season. The Packers have won ugly all year long and are returning to the NFC championship game for the 4th time in the 2010's (league years); 1-2 to this point. Everybody and their mother is picking the 49ers to win this game.
I am not. For one simple reason. 
NARRATIVE!!!
This season has all the makings of a Super Bowl year for the Packers.
I like Jimmy G, but do not want to see him in the Super Bowl right now. He still hasn't overly impressed me this year, but making the Super Bowl is making the Super Bowl. Debo Samuel is a monster and they have 93 running backs that can beat you. To me this game is all about George Kittle. Packers cannot let him be Jimmy G's security blanket. I don't know why, but history has me thinking the 49ers find a way to lose this game. They've lost the NFC Championship game 9 times; 1970-71, 83, 90, 92-93, 97, 2011 and 2013. One thing that worries me about the Packers is how they don't play complete football games. Last week was a perfect example. They went up 21-3 and nearly blew that game. They progressively score less as the game goes on. Fuck man, I really want to pick the Packers, but even I am having a hard time justifying it. The 49ers are the better team and should win this game, but the 2019 NFL season has been pure chaos. After a streak of 10 straight home teams winning conference championship games I think the road warrior trend continues. Packers 27 49ers 20
If you wanna talk about textbook unexpected great news; this is it! (Huey Lewis)
Hot Ones; the game with hot questions and even hotter wings is finally available for run of the mill plebs like you and I to play as a game show on TruTV. Teams of two will compete in a trivia based/wing eating game for a shot at 25 large ($25,000 USD). I've been watching this hit Youtube series since all the way back in June of 2019. In the time since, I've watched at least 43% of the episodes. It has me dying (and hungry) every time. Sean Evans is a great host and watching celebrities freak out eating spicy food is right up there with babies-trying-to-walk-falling down-in-cute-ways and Jackass videos for "I can watch this over and over again and still laugh every time" type of dumb-ass humor that I need every 90 minutes to survive. Before, only the brightest of stars were able to step into the both mentally and physically grueling youtube series Hot Ones (presented by First We Feast). I would include a bunch of embedded Youtube videos showing the wide array of stars to appear on the show, but I think all the attachments are slowing down DOL. (h/t 3) Which reeeaaaally sucks because the DOL IG is actually starting to gain some steam; the last thing I need is my blog crashing when hot shots wanna read, jah feel? So instead of a bunch of clips from the likes of Idris Elba to ScarJo to Mac DeMarco to Gronk to Neil deGrasse Tyson to Billie Eilish to Chance the Rapper to Skip & Shannon to Paul fuckin Rudd and beyond...we're just gonna imagine okay? If you haven't been on Hot Ones, are you even famous? Now the interview has been swapped out for trivia. Holy fucking shit am I all in. I don't even know if I have TRUtv, but I'll find a way (Drake Bell) to watch.
I hope this show gets picked up for a second season because I am 258% going to try out. I LOVE game shows and chicken wings. I get the hot salsa (because there's no chunks) at Chipotle, nbd. I am a trivia GOD and have been getting hurt my entire life. I was made for this show. I can endure some heat for like $8,000 bucks after taxes and splitting with my partner to put towards my student loans and a laptop that doesn't have cancer. What the fuck even is a Scoville? This could be the very break I need to make it. Maybe the Rosie O'Donnell videos are past their prime? Using a internet show turned game show as my vehicle would be more poetic than any number of poets I could name if I really wanted to.
 When I think of progressive cities in the United States....... Louisville, Kentucky is not exactly in the same breath as a Portland, Austin, or even Tampa. But I did not know the 'Ville was closer to Damascus then Denver. It's sad to see stories like this in 2020! A 15-year-old freshmen girl named Kayla was expelled from Whitefield Academy; a Private Christian School in Louisville (home of Papa John) for wearing a white sweatshirt with a rainbow pattern and having a rainbow cake at her birthday dinner. FTR: This dinner was not at her school and that's not even a full rainbow! Her mom posted the picture on Facebook because that is what every mom on Facebook does. They give away personal data like the hotcakes they should be cooking! YEAH AMIRITE?! (Joke) My mom will fucking check-in on the book when she's getting gas. (Better joke) When this student wore a rainbow, she "demonstrated a cultural acceptance contrary to that of Whitefield Academy's beliefs" Well excuse me. That sentence in itself is really fucking wild. It's a real thing that someone who is responsible for shaping the future wrote. (Unlike the stuff I write) Just re-read that like 4 times. It'll take maaybe 20 seconds. There is a God damn crusade on poor ole Roy G. Biv. That email is basically hate speech. Somehow the school saw the photo and expelled this kid because, after all, that's what loving your neighbor is all about. To their credit, the school did show Christ-like compassion by touching (changing) the ruling to a voluntary withdrawal. The article/video never flat out mentions her sexuality, which they shouldn't, as this is a fucking 15 year old girl, Jared. ...But I mean the pieces of this puzzle are pretty clearly laid out for us. Two years of "lifestyle violations", they sent her conversion therapy information... Ultimately, when Kayla culturally appropriated our Lord and Savoir, JC, it was the final nail in her cross. #neverforget  I go back and forth, but gun to my head, I believe in God. (It's called insurance) Despite the nutbag Christians that give us God guys and gals a worse name than the protagonist of a hit Bon Jovi song did to love. I guess if you had to put a label on my faith, I'm a "Christian," because I believe in THE (say that like an Ohio State fan) Jesus Christ and all his jazz. I do have a hard time believing all of humanity "just happened" thanks to some fucking rocks, but I also have a hard time believing God "just was/is". To me, all organized Religion can kick rocks, ayeeee. I cannot stand the church. All of 'em. I hate "organized" religion. Well, Buddhists are cool. Allow me to put on my historian hat.  Religion is responsible for pretty much every major issue in peoplekind since it popped up. But then... like, we also reeaaallly need religion, (plus God could totally be real), as the fear of God keeps soooo many people in check. Could you imagine what Earth would be like if we knew for certain nothing happens when you die? It's already on fucking fire now. Luckily, since cancel twitter has allowed bashing of the whites and Christianity with zero repercussions, I'm safe. Everybody knows Muslims LOVE the gays and totally don't throw rocks at them. As someone who has been heavily exposed to Christianity and the born agains, I have never understood why Christians harp sooooo much on the anti-alphabet people vibe that the Bible has. It makes zero sense to me. I'm heavy generalizing here, but there's like, a lot of people that will not budge on that stance. Even if they have gay children. They take these two verses as literal as you can. Taken from the book of Leviticus; which sounds a lot like the name of a gay bar.
thank you wiki. Somewhere in between those two versus at 19:27 Leviticus also says: “Never shave the hair on your foreheads, and never cut the edges of your beard." Then why is it that many Christian Schools have strict hair guidelines for male students? (or on a much darker note; the irony of killing gay people) I went to Christian School for half of 6th grade and those mother fuckers would bring out a ruler to measure hair that "needed" to be cut. LMTY: You have not seen pointless rules until you've seen a Christian School. Also, apparently anybody in the military that went through basic training is going to hell by the looks of that one. Bummer. If you're a "God hate Fags" person you better look like fuckin' 04 Johnny Damon all I'm sayin'. BC if you don't, but you take those Leviticus verses literally, then Lucy you've got some splainnnin ta do. Do you just not give a fuck? Or are you using religion as a mask for hate? 'Cause if you're gonna be in here; you gotta be all in everywhere. As Big Daddy Kane famously said, "Ain't no half-stepping." Why is it that? Why is this verse not enforced at all, but the gays (to their disliking) get the short end of the stick? I try to make light of this hypocrisy, but seriously it's fucking in the assinine. I'm not the first person to site these Bible verses and I sure as H-e-double-hockey-sticks won't be the last, but they should be all the evidence you need. Unless you want to just straight up say you're homophobic; using "it's my religion" as an excuse for being a bigot isn't good enough imo; ESPECIALLY if you like lobster bc this Leviticus cat also said this: "But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales--whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water--you are to detest. And since you are to detest them, you must not eat their meat and you must detest their carcasses". I don't fuck with seafood, so I at least have that going for me. Luckily, many Christians/organizations have loosened their interpretation of God's word in recent years. You can drive by churches with rainbow flags and gay pastors. Imagine seeing that in 2002? It'd be like seeing a hover craft. This may be the most ass-backward sentence I've ever read in my entire life and mind you I proofread this blog (sometimes). I cannot get over this. It's the perfect combination of idiotic school decisions and religion.  As someone who has to work in education until the fine people at Barstool realize what's been under their nose the last four years, I haaate the public education system. It is broken. I don't need to go any further than that. The only thing that may be more broken than public education is private education. Although the public sector is full of no-common-sense-having-buffoons, I'm not going to act like I know all the ins and outs. I have read, watched, witnessed plenty of questionable moves like this in education; you can trust Dozo here. Basically being private means they can get away whatever they want and blame it on God. You can seriously say things like, "demonstrates a cultural acceptance contrary to that of Whitefield Academy's beliefs." I don't know where you draw the line on outright hate? Can a private school be whites only too? I know it sucks for this girl and her family. This is making national news (as it should; FUCK that school.) What a way to come out. But, this will be for the better. I'm not a full-blown gay dude, but as they say, sexuality is a spectrum. I am a #goodguy and supportive person. I have countless (at least 4 confirmed) gay friends. I hate people for things they can control like being an Imagine Dragons fan. While I do believe conditioning can play a role, there are plenty of lesbians who just hate men ;). Gun to my head, being gay is not a choice. Because there's no way on earth anybody would actually chose to be attracted to this...  Instead of this.  Why would anybody chose to be ostracized like the way LGBTQ plus 8 people have been? I fundamentally believe its not a choice. I'm sure countless of good people (both secular and nonsecular) have reached out to give Kayla support. You have my support. You don't need that school. Fuck these people and anybody with that point of view. They're the ones that are wrong, not you. Also, did you guys finish the cake?
After getting drafted 9th overall by the Carolina Panthers in 2012 Luke Keuchly quickly cemented himself as one of the best linebackers in the NFL. His wikipedia page is a joke. 
What's an even bigger joke is that in 2012 I though he was going to be a bust. I don't even remember why I just know I'm incredibly wrong and glad I was. His accolades are outrageous. Eight years in the NFL; seven All-Pro selections. He easily could've been all eight years as he led the NFL in tackles and was ROY in 2012.
Although Kuechly was DPOY in his second year; I am drawn to 2015. I think of the three pick-6s; two of which came in the playoffs. The 2015 Panthers are probably the best team to not win the Super Bowl in the 2010s. They just ran into an all-time defense and corpse of a HOF QB. Kuechly was the face of the defense with Josh Norman that year. He is not why they lost. His name isn't Mike Tolbert. (which kills me to say because I loved him; he was built to play in the dozo-system) This retirement doesn't come as too much of a surprise to me given the information on head injuries and Kuechley's history with them. The culture has changed in the NFL as it feels like every off season since Megatron retired at least one future Hall of Famer has called it quits sooner than fans would've hoped. Luke's a Boston College grad who's my fucking age which means he has entire life in front of him. ​There's parallels to Gronk, although even I'll admit that statistically Gronk was not in the same ballpark as Kuechley in his swan song. ​ I think 87 will take it. 
Unfortunately, football is a violent game. While strides have been made to make football safer; it's game where if you fuck around with its DNA too much you get something entirely different. There is only so much you can do. Football can also fuck with your DNA. As linebacker there are more risks than most positions with the number of hits they're involved in per game. Things have definitely changed for the 1980's neck-roll MLB, but 59 was making 130+ tackles a year. The dude was everywhere. ​Sadly, Luke battled concussions his entire career. I just ctrl-f'd "concu" on his wiki and there were 11 entries (including sources). When you watch the video it's clear as day he doesn't want to retire, but feels like he has to. He's a smart guy. He's made his money. Gotta take care of his mentals.
Luke Kuechly was everything you could ask for in a middle linebacker. In only eight years he did more than you do to make Canton in the eyes of ole dozie. He will have a Gold Jacket someday. I too am sad to see him go, but when you know it's time; it's time. The only bad thing I'll say about Luke is that 59 is a hideous number, but when Thomas Davis has 58 what can you do?
Congrats on a great career, Luke. You can say Cam's a cow for not diving on the ball now, it's okay. Luke has already gotten a ton of love from guys around the league past and present. Gronk's tweet is actually funny!
P.S.
If you like what've read here or at any point on DOL please follow @dozonlife on instagram for daily content and tiktok for content eventually (Tame Impala) 
Once the Astros opted to fire manager AJ Hinch amidst his one year suspension and the fallout from their sign stealing scandal; the writing was on the wall for Alex Cora. Twas only a matter of time for the AC to go out, I tell ya! Ironically, Cora just so happened to work under AJ Hinch as the Bench Coach for the 2017 Astros. Talk about an all-time old takes exposed for AJ Hinch, huh? Whomsttt despite this subpar joke yesterday, I don't actually want managing the Boston Red Sox. Dude seems like an arrogant prick.
So if you're like me 20 minutes ago, you're probably wonder what exactly did AC do?
"According to CNN, Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred said an investigation showed that Cora helped develop and execute sign-stealing schemes while working for the Houston Astros. Cora was found to be involved in efforts to try and figure out the opposing teams’ next pitches using technology like cameras and video replay rooms, which is prohibited by the MLB, Manfred said earlier this week. Cora is also accused of employing sign-stealing schemes while he was with the Red Sox in 2018, according to The Athletic. The MLB said they would investigate the allegations in the report." that quote is from this
Even though I was highly (and maybe overly) critical of his managerial style in 2019, I'm not George Steinbrenner, I didn't think it was a fireable offense. Guy just won a ring. Give him another shot to break the tie after a stinker. One awesome year, one major disappointment. As long as he didn't finish in 4th or 5th in 2020 I think he'd be okay going forward.
But after all this it's best to just wash our hands and be done with Alex like two day old leftovers (my own Rothstein-ism as that's something I've never personally experienced). I'm 100% cool with this move, although part of me loves the idea of saving "fuck it" and showing some loyalty to a man with a piece of two Red Sox World Series. But it definitely sucks. I think Cora is a good manager. I liked the guy. Appeared to be a genuinely good dude. BbbbBBbbbuuuut, if you're ever gonna peak to early; Alex Cora likely did. The Red Sox came out swinging dick bats to the tune of 119 total wins (and a wicked cool locker-room gimmick) and a World Series title. 
The ring still shines, does it not?
In 2018 Alex Cora was exactly what the Red Sox needed after back-to-back ALDS appearances where they were doormats for the eventual American League Champs. Under first year manager Alex Cora the 2018 Red Sox won 108 games in the regular season and the World Series. Life TRULY comes at you fast as the 2019 dropped 24 games off their '18 pace and not even 16 months after winning the World Series, Alex Cora is OUT of Boston. Such a PRed Sox move to let him save face with "mutual" decision. Yeah and Richard Nixon wanted to resign. To the Red Sox credit, moving on from Cora is 100% the right move in my eyes. I'm sure he's about to get some sort of suspension. There's rumors of a lifetime ban. The 2018 season was basically perfect for the Red Sox. 108 wins, no losing streak > 3 games, league MVP. The in season moves worked perfectly. Then in 2019 Cora took a coma on his laurels in Spring Training and the Red Sox started the season 3-8 against teams (although it was a West Coast road trip). As far as I am concerned they are one the best teams in baseball history. Absolutely dominated from start to finish. Obviously the affiliation with the Astros means questions of its validity will come up. From what I've heard the Red Sox did not come close to what the Astros were pulling this is more so AC is in deep shit for his involvement from 17 Stros. I have such mixed emotions about this because baseball has a storied history of shady behavior. Cheating and baseball go together better than beer and hot dogs. I almost don't have a problem with what the Astros did; it was just a little too extreme and elaborate. I think once technology is in the mix things are crossing a line. But at the same time let's not act like everybody in baseball isn't stealing signs. They just took it to next level. It would only be similar to Spygate if the Patriots actually did something other teams weren't doing. That being said you can't help but think it played a huge part in their 2017 World Series win? The Astros won their first 6 home games of the playoffs then went 2-1 at home in the World Series in 2017. I remember that ALDS because it aligned perfectly with my friend's wedding the weekend after I stopped teaching in Nashville. The Red Sox were dead before the series even started. I got off a plane during game one in the 3rd inning and it was already like 32-0. It's amazing they went back back to Fenway and almost tied it. If only that Baby Beluga inside the parker didn't lead off the inning.
Then in 2018 the Stros lost 3 straight home games against the Red Sox in the ALCS and of course were the first team to ever go 0-4 at home in the World Series just a few months ago.
As far as I am concerned the 2018 Red Sox are one the best teams in baseball history. Absolutely dominated from start to finish. Obviously the affiliation with the Astros means the questions of its validity. IMO this seems more like an Alex Cora problem than 2018 Red Sox problem. If Tek isn't the new skipper, we riot. 
P.S.
Hopefully the Red Sox can repeat this kind of history instead under Tek's ​tutelage.
The Red Sox have been so sporadically successful under this ownership group. Obviously it's been a great ride with many highs. Beats being a Padres fan, but as people they are horrible (and tend to make high-stakes mistakes that cost the fans in $11 bud lights).
Double P.S.
A.J. Hinch and Alex Cora join a surprisingly long list of managers to be out of a job (for one reasons of another) within three seasons of winning a World Series since 1960. The anti-Mike Scioscia's of the world.
Jack McKeon* (2003 Marlins) Jim Leyland (1997 Marlins) Lou Pinella (1990 Reds) Dick Howser** (1985 Royals) Dallas Green (1980 Phillies) Bob Lemon (1978 Yankees) Billy Martin (1977 Yankees) Sparky Anderson (1976 Reds) Alvin Dark (1974 A's) Dick Williams (1972-73 A's) Danny Murtaugh*** (1971 Pirates) Gil Hodges*** (1969 Mets) Mayo Smith (1968 Tigers) Hank Bauer (1966 Orioles) Johnny Keane (1964 Cardinals) Ralph Houk***** (1961-62 Yankees) *McKeon will briefly manage the Marlins again in 2011 **Dick Hoswer passed away from Brain cancer in 1987 *** Danny Murtaugh battled health issues that lead to four separate stints as Pirates Manager; right until his death in 1976 two months after his retirement. ****Gil Hodges passed away in 1972 from a heart attack ******Ralph Houk would manage the Yankees again in the late 60's after a two year absence.
Divisional Weekend has not disappointed. Derrick Henry continues to be the playoff MVP; securing himself a HUGE bag this off-season (or at the v least a franchise tag).
​BIG TRUSS!!!
AND HE CAN PASS!!!!!!!
Then the Houston Texans made their Oiler brethren proud by relinquishing a 24-0 lead in 9:11 in game time.
The Chiefs had an all-time comeback today. Down 24-0 in the 2nd quarter; retook the lead by half and won by 20. First time in playoff history a team has been down 20+ and won by 20 or more. All time win probability chart game. ​
Bill O'Brien should've been fired at half time.
The greatest thing that comeback gave us.
— Steve Austin (@steveaustinBSR) January 12, 2020
As I type this Beast Mode just scored a touchdown cut the Packers lead to 11. The Packers have been a very streaky team this year; scoring their points in bunches....Seahawks have been the kings of the comeback this season; five comeback wins. Should be a great second half....Touchdown Packers...
If you've been paying attention of banging the narrative drum for four years like the late Neal Peart (R.I.P.)
As a very emotional, passionate, wear my heart on my sleeve guy and lover of the great game of football and history these may be the two best moments of the weekend.
First last night; former Steelers Head Coach Bill Cowher got the word he's getting enshrined at Canton.
Then tonight during halftime of the Packers Seahawks game HOF President, C. David Baker told former Cowboys (and Dolphins) Head Coach he too is a member of the 2020 class.
I understand a lot of sport fans are irrational. I am including myself in that grouping. I've claimed to hate people I've never met and never will meet because of the color of their outfit and where they live (sometimes against their choice). As I've gotten older I've grown to respect and appreciate the people that make this game great. Peyton's Places is legit my favorite show right now. 12 year old Dozo HATED Bill Cowher and all things Steelers. 28 year old Dozo respects the Chin. He's a family man and a good guy from what I've read and watched over the years. He's a HOFer.
Jimmy Johnson only coached for 10 years but if you take out his 1-15 1989 campaign when the Cowboys were rebuilding (and lead to the draft capital that built their dynasty) from 1990-1999 he went 79-49 in the regular season; 9-4 in the playoffs, winning back-to-back Super Bowls in 1992 and 93. JJ is kind of in that Terrell Davis territory where the longevity isn't there, but he accomplished all you could ever want to accomplish and made a historic impact in the NFL. That's what makes you a HOFer IMO. Football is the ultimate team game and both of these men were quick to thank all the people around them that made this possible. So fucking cool they did this live on TV. Their reactions were so genuine. It was beautiful. I teared up. When they cut to Aikman in the booth how could you not?? There is so much emotion in the ultimate team game that people who never played it will truly never understand. This is coming from a key loss on a 1-7 team so I know a thing or two about the ole pigskin. This was such an incredible thing by the NFL. I have to tip my cap to them for getting this right. All the #NFL100 stuff has been top notch as well. ​
Congratulations to coach Cowher and coach Johnson. The rest of the 2020 Class comes out Wednesday. Credit to the NFL for doing it this way. They could've in the past with other guys, but I can't remember it off the top of my head lol. Seahawks just scored again (and are on the brink of making it a one score game as I finish up the blog...)
P.S. I LOVEEEEEEE Bill Cowher.
Seahawks ball down 5....can't write it much better than this.
I'm going peel back the DOL onion a little bit and tell you a secret.
Yesterday, I was writing my preview/pick blog for Divisional Weekend as I always do every year; at the last minute; which I also always do. (Now that I think I figured out semi-colons they're gonna be LITTERED across DOL like cigarette butts) My friend/slash roommate mentioned lunch at Texas Road House with another friend of ours and before you know I'm drinking $1.99 pints of Bud Light and sawmill gravy; ruining all the progress I've made since July. Luckily it's truly back on the wagon tomorrow. Basically, even though I knew going to lunch meant the odds of my finishing the blog were going to drop exponentially; I couldn't say no. #addict. hashtag goodguythathasahardtimesayingnotofriends. I'm going to do something I've never done before; post a draft. What you are about to see is exactly how my divisional round blog looked before I made the decision to abort in favor of reasonably-priced-chain-food. Side note: My mom would be soooooo mad at me. I ordered my mac & cheese with pulled pork as one of my two sides and one of my boys ordered his mashed potatoes (Herbie) fully-loaded for one of his; both came stock. No pulled pork or bacon bit bells and whistles. Neither of us complained (to the waitress) and yes we were both still charged the full 99 cents each. This added $1.98 to the bill and that's not even considering additional taxes and tipping from the mistake (because of course we still tipped great; hashtag good guy). The awkwardness of bringing it up was worth far more than $1.98 + fees that would've been saved. I wanted to say something on principle, but did not want to see if my roommate was bluffing about what he said he would if I brought it up. All the mistakes and all the information I already gathered. A real look behind the genius. Then I'll give you the Sunday picks. I will say a code word when the new blog begins. After this song that I'm sure you won't play the draft begins.
The divisional round is where I shine. I even had the score predicted perfectly forPackers-Cowboys in 2016-17 (when I went 3-1). I went 2-2 in 2017-18 and 3-1 in 2018-19. For the first time in the history of DOL; not only will the Patriots not be appearing in the Super Bowl but it's their first playoff appearance since 2009 that ended before the defacto "best weekend" of football. It's not ideal, but does make the weekend a little less stressful. Of the 8 teams left the only one I would really hate to see win it all is the Texans and I'd say they're the weakest of the remaining so probably safe there.
Saturday:
Vikings @ 49ers (-7)
The Vikings shocked the football world when they beat the Saints in the playoffs for the 2nd time in three years. The 13-3 Saints became the first 13 win team in league history to lose in the wild card round. I saw a ton of graphics for that since the game. It's really not that shocking of a stat when only three `13-3 teams have played in that game.
I digress. The 49ers went 13-3 just like the Saints, but since they beat them in one of the best games of the regular season they're the one seed with home field throughout the NFC playoffs. This game is tough for me because the QB play has been basically a wash this season. Jimmy G may be sexier (in more ways than one) so people would assume he's the better QB and had the better year, but 2019 has been Kirk's best and most efficient year.
On Friday's Pardon My Take Warren Sharp mentioned how much the Vikings struggle against 22 p
Texans @ Chiefs (-10)
Sunday:
Texans @ Chiefs (-10)
Seahawks @ Packers (-4)
Two of the most prestigious organizations of the 2010s with spot in the NFCCG on the line. Both have "struggled" in the 2nd half the decade. Seattle hasn't been to the conference championship game since the 2014 season; when they famously came back down 16-0 against the Pack. The Packers did make the NFC title game in the 2016 season, but missed the playoffs entirely in '17 and '18.
Both teams have been the kings of "winning ugly" this year. Aaron Rodgers
Codeword
As you can see I never even got to make a pick as I bounced around. I swear on the blog I was going to pick the Vikings and Titans to win. Had I bet those it would've been a v nice day, but I have taken the weekend off as I try to do the responsible thing and save money. Titans winning was so fucking bittersweet. I made the mistake of putting Texans @ Chiefs twice while trying to quickly add photos and headings. This way if I somehow was able to finish on my phone (the Weebly app sorta stinks and when I use the browser it crashes; A LOT)
Okay here's the Sunday slate.
Texans @ Chiefs (-10)
I have been one of the biggest bashers of the Houston Texans for YEARS. I've featured this tweet:
in multiple blog posts. They were on the OG 2015 Fraud List that has since been lost to the annals of time with my fallen twitter account :( I do not believe in this organization.
I bet Bills ML last week and God damnit did that not sent in motion a horrible domino effect. Had they won I was gonna emotional hedge Titans ML against the Pats. The Bills straight up gave that game away and while some credit has to be given to the Texans for coming back; IMO that was much more of a Bills loss than Texans win. But they won, they're track #3 on TEN; alive. The Chiefs are a team I have a strange relationship with. I don't have a second team; I'm not that kind of fan! But there are certainly teams I have a soft spot for and the Chiefs are one of them. I am a student of the game and huge AFL history guy. I love Lamar Hunt and what he did for the game. They've always been kind of harmless as I've ripped their playoff futility ad nauseam. I love Andy Reid. I am not a Mahomes guy, but a large part of that is because of my love for Alex Smith (another Fraud List member; I'm REAL even guys I love can be frauds) although that was obviously the smart football move. I also didn't believe in him at the draft so of course part of me is butthurt I was incredibly wrong about him (although he STILL hasn't won a Super Bowl!) As a chief competitor of my beloved New England Patriots the last few seasons I cannot have these warm feelings I do for the mid-western folk. Now that they are dead, I would not mind seeing the Chiefs win it all. The sting of the Patriots basically beating them would go away I guess? This is sort of the fraud bowl when you talk about playoff futility although as one team will move on they can clearly shake that label this year with a few more wins. I think 10 is a huge number, but if there's a team that can cover that in the playoffs it's the Chiefs. When two frauds are up against each other, take the lessor fraud. Despite the Chiefs being 2-38 in the playoffs at Arrowhead since Lenny Dawson (joke number; it's really 2-9) I just do not see Bill O' Brien winning a road playoff game.
If you want to state facts Bill O'Brien has two career playoff victories. The first was against Connor Cook making his first NFL start and the second was last week the Bills found away to out Bill themselves in the playoffs.
Andy Reid is the best coach in the big four that hasn't won a championship IMO. I do think he will get one someday, especially if he coaches the Chiefs for the next 5+ years. I could see a v similar career trajectory as newly elected HOFer, Bill Cowher. After years of playoff heartbreak and conference championship losses I think Andy Reid gets his Super Bowl and then calls it quits within three years. Last night was awesome with the Titans, but I don't see another 10 point dog winning outright. Yes, I know Bill Cowher retired less than a year after winning it all. John Madden is another great example. HOF Class of 2006. Chiefs 34 Texans 20 Seahawks @ Packers (-4)
Gonna do a quick blog for this during the game so the Chiefs pick is on wax before kickoff.
LIVE DURING THE CHIEFS GAME:
I may edit that part if there's mistakes because I just wanted to get it out before kickoff, but I will not change the pick. Chiefs 34 Texans 20. In a way this is another fraud bowl; both teams are not nearly as good as their record states. I don't love point differential, but both have PDs of teams that finish around .500. 
The Seahawks won in the wild card round game by larger margin (8) than their regular season PD (+7). What I said in the earlier blog draft is relevant. Wow Kenny Stills walk in TD busted coverage as I type this. Not great for the pick! But there's no money on the line so whatever. I wanna see the Titans win the AFC either way.
I love both these QBs and really hope both play well. I wanna see another classic Rodgers Sunday afternoon divisional game like the Cowboys one a few years ago. I hope the winner of this game represents the NFC in the Super Bowl because I have zero interest in the 49ers winning it all this year. Not this year. It sucks because I like a lot of them, but just cannot happen this year. I hope it's the Seahawks, but I think it's going to be a tough battle. Not gonna lie this Texans hot start is making me nervous. While Pete Carroll has one of the most notable coaching misfires in sports history; he's a damn good coach.I have a ton of respect for him. Matt LaFleur is a rookie HC, meaning this is his first career playoff game. I am being biased and going with experience. Pete Carroll is like 83 years old and taking his shirt off with DK Metcalf like how can you not fuck with him? LaFleur could end up being the guy going forward, but I just don't see it. Even though I'm a nice eyebrows guy, I don't think the NFL is there yet to have a coach who clearly gets his brows did in the Super Bowl. Maybe in three years? 
The Seahawks are 7-1 on the road and the Packers went 7-1 at home. This is the Diane Keaton Something's Gotta Give Low Key Fraud Bowl.
For entertainment purposes I really don't want to see another Aaron Rodgers 0 TD pass win that we're accustomed to in 2019 (it's still the league year). I've been riding Seattle all year and have no intentions of jumping off the bandwagon yet. They are my madden team! I am a Rodgers fan, but he has been asi-asi at home in the playoffs when they get there. We've seen the layoff effect the Ravens and Chiefs so far; I think it continues. Seahawks 27 Packers 23
Top X of the 2010s
If you've made it this far; I thank you from the bottom of my heart. When I started this playlist over a month ago I did not realize how much work it was going to be. A true labor of love. Going through a decade of music is tough. It's hard to remember what you were listening to in July of 2010, March of 2014, or even three weeks ago off the of your head. Originally I had all these rules and caveats about song caps and categories; Eventually it got to a point where I was like "am I even going to be able to get 210 songs?" I quickly realized this would not be an issue as the Top 210 put on a light 100 (just like it's creator has done a time or two) and is well past the 300 mark. I have fully made the flip to become a "how can you rate art?" snob and while I guess I'm not saying one song is better than another (I am) what this is really about is giving true shine to those super-favorite, means a lot to me songs. If this entire list is Hall of Famers; this is the first ballot. The order is basically random. Tried to lump artists together although it's not perfect because I was considering a different grouping at first. I was gonna try to rank them all but that's a. stupid, and b. a waste of time; I joke about blogs going unread but I'd be shocked if 30 people collectively read these music blogs. I DO NOT CAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
"Wagon Wheel" Darius Rucker (2013)
This song simply is Summer '13. If I was at a bar; it was on. If I was at a party; it was on. If I was driving; it was. I loveeeeeeeeeeeee this song. If there was a bell curve of my country fandom this song is the peak.
"RU Mine" Arctic Monkeys (2013)
"Do You Wanna Know" leads off 2013's AM with a more Tranquility Base vibe than classic myspace monkey's sound. "RU Mine" was the first single and second track on the album; it kicks down the door with a rapid guitar to drum solo to patented Alex Turner tongue twister combo all in a matter of seconds. He poses the question everybody wants to know when they're in that nebulous "what are we?" stage. RU MINNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???????
"Snap Out of It" Arctic Monkeys (2013)
The Ying to RU Mine's Yang. Makes you want steak.
AM is one of my top 10 albums of the entire decade; could've put any number of songs on this list; these two are IMO the best. I don't have the vocabulary or musical acumen to put this is in a better way than I love the way this song was put together. The drums accompany the lyrics (which may be some of Turner's best). Snap. Out. of. It.
"Mountain Sound" Of Monsters and Men (2013)
I always thought this was much more fun and therefor better than Little Talks.
"Mother We Share" CHVRCHES (2013)
Classic BRU Friday night DB's song. I am fully out of the electro-pop(alt rock) closet.
"Telescope" Cage the Elephant (2013)
Another one of my favorite bands, Cage's 2013 album Melophobia is a masterpiece. I fucked up big time omitting Take it or Leave It...FUCK IT... ADDING IT.
I don't think if Telescope is as well known as Cage's bigger hits but for my money it may be their best song. If you haven't heard their album/live show "Unpeeled" you HAVE TO. NOW!
Don't waste it
"Cigarette Daydreams" Cage the Elephant (2013)
Still a goosebumps song; do not think for one second just because I think Telescope doesn't get the light it deserves that I don't love cigarette (daydreams). Cry song for sure. I've beat it like a drum but seeing them open for the keys was a joke. What a fucking ticket. Cage the Elephant and the Black Keys.
"High" Tove Lo (2014)
Big time sad boi vibes to this song summer 14.
"Fake Nice" The Aces
THIS SHOULD'VE BEEN A TOP 5 BILLBOARD POP HIT!
"In the Night" The Weeknd (2015)
My all time favorite Weeknd song. Straight Michael vocals.
I. Don't. Think. You. Understaaaaanddddddddddddddd.
"Lover of the Light" Mumford and Sons (2012)
I can confidently say this is the best song on Babel (which won Album of the Year).
What up Charles Miner?
"The Wolf" Mumford and Sons (2015)
When Mumford switched up their sound in 2015 I can't lie I was worried. I don't really like Delta, but Wilder Mind (while different) was still a great album. I had the CD!
"Stubborn Love" The Lumineers (2012)
I mean who doesn't want this?
"Them Changes" Thundercat (2015)
One of my best friends showed this song to me in the summer of 2015 and it still the best thing he's ever done for me (joke, but almost not)
"Friendzone" Thundercat (2017)
If "Cause I'm a Man" wasn't already my tinder anthem this would be it.
"White Dude" Lil Dicky (2013)
I am a huge Lil Dicky fan. The dude is a comedian with flow and if you can't see or appreciate that then fuck you. IMO this is LD's magnum opus. I don't need to go on my stop policing comedy because you don't like it soapbox because that's not what this list is about. Excited for LD's new show.
"Runaway" Kanye West (2010)
PREACH, KING.
"Forrest Gump" Frank Ocean (2012)
I mean; it's a love song to Forrest Gump by a black man... A black man that wasn't out at the time I believe...talk about kicking down the door. It's a funny concept to even though I'm sure it's not supposed to be. Forrest Gump is a beautiful song; that I know was intentional.
Channel Orange blew up summer 2012 and this song became a quick favorite. I remember hoping he'd play it at the Grammys, but never actually expected it...Frank fucking played this at the Grammys. Garbage there isn't a better version on Youtube.
"Delilah" Florence + the Machine (2015)
Too fast for freedom.
Delilah is the Florence + the Machine version of a bar fight. This shit live will make you feel like you can scale a building; with or without MDMA. That live chorus mixed with the Goddess of Vocals that is Florence Welch hits DIFFERENT.
"Colder Weather" Zac Brown Band (2010)
I could not listen to this song for years and still cry the next time I listen (I have!)
"Redbone" Childish Gambino (2016)
I still can't believe this is the same dude who pooped in a toilet at Home Depot.
I know was Terry. Real Talk this is that funky/soul that the world needs more of. That falsetto rivals Dan Auerbach's in Everlasting Light.
"Little Black Submarines" The Black Keys (2011/12)
If you were to divide the 2010's into half the Black Keys are my band of the first half and there isn't a close second. It's like the gap between James Harden and 2nd place for FTA/game. Little Black Submarines closes out their shows and hits you with all the feels even if you aren't entirely sure wtf it means.
"Still Into You" Paramore (2013)
I can't wait to sing this to my pop-punk princess wife in 2038 while we are self-driven across the country.
"Wiser" Old Man Canyon (2014)
There's been a lot of talk of cry songs and this one may take the cake; doesn't help when I got it from a Steve Gleason documentary. If Gleason (the doc) doesn't make your eyes look like geysers you might as well just kill yourself now because you aren't a human.
"Sirens" Pearl Jam (2013)
Speaking of Steve Gleason; Sirens was the featured track of the waterworks segment ESPN put together in the fall of 2013. You wanna talk cry songs? I legit have goosebumps as I type this without even playing the song yet. As previously mentioned; I thought about ranking these songs. If I did this is in the top 10, no questions asked.
"The Wire" HAIM (2013)
First HAIM song I ever heard. Thank you Pandora. The HAIM sisters don't only know how to put together a hell of a pop/rock song, but they can make a good music video too.
"Forever" HAIM (2013)
I live for the vocal harmonies of Danielle, Este and Alana. TBH Este shouldn't rule me out as a boyfriend.
"Don't Save Me" HAIM (2013)
I'd take a charge from Este. Such a fun sing-a-long-able song.
"Feels Like I Only Go Backwards" Tame Impala (2012)
"Suburbs "Arcade Fire" (2010)
"I want a daughter while I'm still young." Winn Butler is the antithesis of a frat boy. Beautiful song.
"Ready to Start" Arcade Fire (2010)
These two songs are synonymous with their 2010 Grammy winner album; The Suburbs. One of Jim Halpert's favorite bands! Total different vibe from The Suburbs. Gets the juices following, while Suburbs can get the tears; depending on the setting.
"Sedona" Houndmouth (2015)
Another song I thought would help get me laid. It did not, but I enjoyed the entire album so much that it's okay. Really wish Katie was still in Houndmouth. You wanna talk about vocal harmonies? Put this in a museum.
"When I'm Gone" Gary Clark Jr (2019)
The guitar man takes being a father very seriously. I will sing this to my kids as a lullaby someday. Pearl Cadillac should be here too tbh.
"Evan Finds the Third Room" Khruagbin (2018)
The way Leezy says "yes" is so fucking sexy. Khruangbin is the coolest band in music rn. Who else has matching haircuts like that?
"Hell of a Season" The Black Keys (2011)
Favorite deep track on El Camino.
"Freaking out the Neighborhood" Mac DeMarco (2012)
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrry for all the Mac you're about to consume.
Freaking Out the Neighborhood was my first expose to Mac. I must've listened to it a hundred times in a two weeks this summer. Haven't used this in a while; infectious guitar riff.
"Ode to Viceroy" Mac DeMarco (2012)
This is what Mac DeMarco jizz jazz is all about whenever I try to explain him to somebody. My favorite non-serious song even though Mac is super serious about his love for Viceroys.
"Brother" Mac DeMarco (2014)
If you follow @dozonlife on instagram this is familiar. Mac isn't just the goofball he may seem like; there's also some fantastic lyrics and emotion behind those gym shorts. The ACL version is my favorite.
"Chamber of Reflection" Mac Demarco (2014)
This is a buried in the couch song for SHO
"The Cave" Mumford and Sons (2010)
Borderline 09 song although it was nominated for a Grammy in 2011 so no qualms including here. Time has passed but Mumford and Sons really were fucking it for like 4 years.
"New Person, Same Old Mistakes" Tame Impala (2015)
An existential tune of discovery that even bad girl Rhi Rhi had to get her hands on. Currents is my favorite album of the decade and songs like this are exactly why.
"The Moment" Tame Impala (2015)
This song makes me so happy. This is summer Tame. I would love to live out that music video someday. Looks like the chillest place on earth.
"Cause I'm a Man" Tame Impala (2015)
This song has been my tinder bio for three years.
It's like I co-wrote this song. At first without listening people may think it's sexist; oh man is it anything but.
"Girls" The 1975 (2013)
This and "Sex" are really what got me into The 1975. It's not a pop song but it's the perfect pop----baaarely rock song. The 1975 hit this song out of the park and the fact that they don't play every concert is a fucking shame. I've listened to this song every time I've gone to the gym since 2013. S/o Allison Williams.
"Somebody Else" The 1975 (2016)
start 3 minutes in.
Hits semi-close to home and is just an incredibly well put together piece of music. It's The 1975's signature song for sure. It was my most played song of the year which is a bad look when you break up but it's not about herrrrrrrrrr. I just fucking love this song.
"No Light, No Light" Florence + the Machine (2011)
If you follow my personal IG these lyrics are familiar; "You can't chose what stays and what fades away" I still can't believe I've seen FATM twice and have heard "No Light, No Light" zero times. Bigger crime than the Lindbergh Kidnapping. Another song that needs to be played every show; Ceremonials is mix between a religious experience and auditory organism. Florence breaks stained glass with these vocals.
"Shake it Out" Florence +the Machine (2011)
Florence herself spoke of the themes of Ceremonials; battles, demons, growth, self discovery. Shake it Out is the poster child of it all. I shook the devil off my back and feel like a brand new person. I don't know where I'd be in my life without the music of Florence + the Machine and the friendships I have around this band.
"Hard Times" Paramore (2017)
It's ironic that I didn't see it then; especially with how much I listened to it, but I should've really listened to those lyrics in August-October of 2017. I was wondering why-I-even-try for a long ass time. It was not all rainbows and keytars for Ole Dozie.
After Laughter is another one of the seminal albums of the decade for me and no song is better champion of that than Hard Times. Over the last two years it really has become a rallying cry for me (and another must play every workout song). Add in my love for Hayley (excited for his solo work coming out soon) and Hard Times is my song of the 2010s; even though I said there would be no rankings. When I think of where I began and where I ended the 2010s there is no better song to encapsulate an entire decade for me. The 2010s were Hard Times but God damnit am I grateful for them.
2019:
The year I found myself again. It was not pretty at times, but all in all one of the most important years of my life. Laid the foundation for what I hope is a huge decade for me, personally. Best of luck to you as well. Here's my favorite tunes from 2019.
Again, the years are a loose guideline. Remember if there's a song omitted from the list, don't fret it could very well be in my top 40 for of the 2010s. Since this is our final year installment; The Top 40ish is next! — Doz (very niche!) #hiredozo (@DozonLife) January 7, 2020
"Pearl Cadillac" Gary Clark Jr
We just wanna make our mamas proud! I'll pay ya back someday.
"Hurt", "Miracle Man" Oliver Tree
"Scrawny" Wallows
Yes, that's Clay Jensen.
His real name is Dylan and his band band Wallows is ideal for grown adult emos like myself. I'm a chubby mother fucker with a cool hairstyle (beautiful silk flow)
"Night Running (ft. Beck)" Cage the Elephant
"Divorce" Alex Cameron
A catchy, upbeat song about the childhood destroyer of millions! Any song with "mother fuckin futon couch" in the chorus is an auto-bid to the list. Added bonus; Alex Cameron is boys with Mac DeMarco.
"Move Awayer" Hobo Johnson and the Lovemakers
Just starting to go past the tip of the Hobo Johnson iceberg; I'm not normally a spoken word guy, but this dude (and his band) is so emotional and passionate it's hard to not get drawn in.
"Sucker' Jonas Brothers
Real recognize real. Jobros are all the way back.
"Oslo (ft. Callum Connor & T. Nava) Free Nationals"
One of the latest additions to the list; it may be my favorite song of the year. I have been on a huge funk bender lately and this feeds right into it. Shit makes me wanna cut a rug. I need to learn how to dance in 2020. Maybe someone will invent 2-day online rhythm pills?
"Prophet", "Cheap Queen" King Princess
I think I forgot 1950 for "2018" damnit.
At first I was kinda scared away by the album cover, but once I listened I was hooked. King Princess is a fucking weirdo and as a fellow weird I support they. this goes to everybody; do you, but the arm pit hair thing is disgusting. I might start shaving mine in protest of this horrible fade.
"Shine A Little Light" The Black Keys
The Black Keys are one of my all-time favorite bands and while I wasn't in love with "Let's Rock" I am pumped the Keys are back. The guitar on this song alone earns it's spot here.
"Bad Guy" Billie Eilish
I've been saying Billie Eyelash as if I'm the first person to think of that for months and still laugh every time. I still don't understand why this chick is the biggest star in music, but cannot deny the importance of Bad Guy in 2019 (same with the two upcoming songs). That being said I genuinely like this song (like everything on this list). I skip the final 42 seconds every time.
"Old Town Road", "Panini" Lil Nas X
Love him or hate him you have to tip your cowboy hat to Lil Nas X. The dude played the internet perfectly and blew up like the World Trade. Old Town Road was just good enough for people of every genre to sort of fuck with it; when you mix in the country labeling controversy this song was the biggest of thing of 2019.
I think Panini is a better song. It's not good, but like .... it is.
"Blinding Lights" The Weeknd
BANGER!!!!!!!!
"Never Had the Balls" Rex Orange County
I've said perfect like 82 times in this series but this song is perfect.
"Brown Eyed Lover" Allen Stone
This is literally the only Allen Stone song I've ever heard, but I loved it so much from the first listen I had to include. SOUL!
"Golden" Harry Styles
This song should be a top 10 hit. Reminds me of George Harrison ever so slightly even though Harry is clearly Paul.
"Texas Sun" Khruangbin & Leon Bridges
v excited for this entire EP.
"Harmony Hall" Vampire Weekend
I think I'd get shot by the indie mafia if I forgot this.
"Patience", "Borderline" Tame Impala
Both songs came out 11 months before the album and are a prime example of this list being a work in progress; it's always incomplete and growing. I have spent weeks working on this and still forget songs I've listened to enough time to earn a spot on my apple music top plays.
HERE COME THE BIG GUNS (eventually) |
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