Kyle Mooney has been an SNL cast member since 2013, but it feels like James Austin Johnson has already appeared in more skits than him. I mean, we've seen glimpses of Kyle's comedic genius and style with stuff like The Fight or Inside SoCal, but it feels like he's been underutilized during his SNL tenure.
It wouldn't be the first time that SNL didn't recognize the talent they had in house. Look at a guy like Tim Robinson, who was only in the cast for a year, and what he's since accomplished with "I Think You Should Leave." It's only one of the most memeable shows of the last two years in a poll that I just made up. But steering wheels that don't fall off when you're driving, coffin flops, sloppy steaks, TC Tuggers, Baby of the Year contests, and Dan Flashes shirts are all in the public consciousness thanks to ITYSL. I don't like taking cheap shots at SNL, but at least 75% of ITYSL sketches are more memorable than anything SNL has made in a similar time frame in another made up poll. With its success, it's understandable why Netflix feels comfortable rolling the dice with another zany SNL cast member, and naturally, Kyle Mooney is the perfect fit.
Two weeks ago, he announced his new project.
And today, Netflix dropped the trailer for "Saturday Morning All Star Hits!". The aesthetic screams 1990s and will have you feeling nostalgic for things you never experienced. I love how Kyle is playing both co-hosts. To paraphrase another SNL alum, "this looks AWESOME!"
"Saturday Morning All Star Hits!" debuts on Friday, December 10th. Might I suggest waiting until the following morning with a big bowl of Honey Combs to experience the full effect?
John Tomase's Terrible Column About Fenway Sports Group Buying the Pittsburgh Penguins is an Insult to Red Sox Fans
In nearly six years of blogging, DOL has changed in a multitude of ways. I want to think I've improved as a writer over that timeframe, and spending so much time chasing a seemingly unreachable goal has helped me grow as a person. Still, one thing that undoubtedly has gotten worse throughout this publication's history is my baseball knowledge. I used to be able to recite the results of all World Series since 1955. Now I struggle to remember the order of who the A's beat in the early 70s (JK it's Reds in 7, Mets in 7, and Dodgers in 5 respectively), but in all seriousness, the shady business practices of the Boston Red Sox have ruined the undying love I once had for this beautifully boring game.
If you've read anything I've written in the last two years, you know how much the Mookie Betts trade disgusts me to my core; so much so that I stopped being a Red Sox fan for over a year. I couldn't consume anything baseball-related in 2020 because it would remind me that one of the richest teams in all of sports traded away the best player to don its uniform in 40 years to avoid paying taxes. When it costs a mortgage payment to take a family of four to Fenway, that should infuriate you too.
It took me a solid year to get over the trade, and as I type this sentence, that feels like a lie. Sure, I think about it less often, but I'll never truly forgive the cheapskate ways of a billionaire who does not care about the people who make up Red Sox Nation, only the money he can make from that cringeworthy moniker.
Admittedly, I'm not up to date with free-agent classes and what the Red Sox should do this off-season. I don't know if I'll ever return to my pre-2020 baseball fandom, but I'm well aware of John Henry's desire to own other sports teams instead of focusing on keeping the Red Sox in contention.
Today, the news became official after weeks, maybe months (who could ever possibly know?) of rumors. Fenway Sports Group now owns the Pittsburgh Penguins (NHL).
FSG bought the Penguins for $900 million after cutting organizational salaries by 20-25% during COVID and traded Mookie Betts for pennies on the dollar a little over a year after he became the first player in MLB history to win a batting title, MVP, Silver Slugger, Gold Glove, and World Series in the same season.
Today, John Tomase, a RED SOX reporter for NBC Sports Boston, released one of the worst columns in the history of humanity, not only defending John Henry and FSG but also shitting on fans who are responsible for him having a job covering a team because God forbid they get emotionally invested in their favorite sports team(s)!
Typically whenever I include an article in my blogs, I post the entire thing and give my two cents afterward, but tonight I'm switching it up and interjecting throughout the piece. Tomase's words will be in black and bolded. My responses will be in grey and italicized.
Via: NBCSports Boston.
Two words for anyone who wants to charge John Henry with reckless abandonment because he just agreed to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins: Grow up.
Very professional and adult start to this column by a "journalist!" Save that shit for the bloggers, you human scarecrow.
If there's a downside to the region's unprecedented 20-year run of championships, it's that it has bred an entitled fanbase of trust fund proportions. We reside at the center of the sports universe, and we do not share.
This is one of the laziest takes going. Every fanbase wants to win, and winning only makes you want to win more. Should Kansas City Chiefs fans be satisfied with one Super Bowl while employing someone with the potential to be the best QB ever?
How ironic is it that he's shitting on trust funds while sucking John Henry's wrinkly dick throughout this column? Plus, this is simply untrue. The entire sporting world outside of Cleveland and maybe their NL Central rivals rooted for the Cubs in 2016. I know I'm not the only sports fan who wanted to see their friends of loser franchises get their moment in the sun!
So when the news broke that Fenway Sports Group will take controlling interest of the Penguins and extend its reach into the NHL, Boston fans threw a tantrum.
The Red Sox just aren't important to him anymore! He's not spending on us because he's buying them! They're just another line in his portfolio, like his yacht, or hanging with LeBron! Only the Red Sox matter, because we demand it!
What do the bottoms of John Henry's boots taste like? My guess is fake outrage. P.S. Learn how to drop a wah properly. At least have a funny remark. The Red Sox matter to Red Sox fans. It's entirely fair for fans to think these other "business interests" take away from caring about building the best Red Sox team humanly possible. After breaking the curse and winning three more championships, it's fair to assume the desire to win isn't the same as 20ish years ago.
This is how the world works. Big businesses buy other businesses. When Facebook hoovers up Instagram and WhatsApp, no one says they're spreading themselves too thin. It's a natural step in their desire to dominate cyberspace, and about the only thing that can stop them is an act of Congress
Great comparison, Tom! Nobody ever mentions how problematic one company controlling the lion's share of data and manipulating algorithms to line their own pockets is! Nobody EVER calls Facebook a monopoly, and if something is, it must always be. Why would we ever try to change the way the world works? That's why slavery is still legal and women can't vote!...
Henry bought the Penguins to make money, just like he bought Liverpool to make money, and the Red Sox. He has every incentive to put winners on the field/ice/pitch, because when those teams win, they make money. There's enough for everybody.
Tell that to Mookie Betts.
And his teams win. The Red Sox won two World Series before FSG bought Liverpool in 2010, and they've won two since. The soccer club claimed its first Premier League title in 30 years on his watch and is one of the 10 or 12 most valuable brands in the world. The Red Sox just reached the ALCS. I confess to not following auto racing so you tell me if Roush is any good. What more do we want?
Idk, an ownership group that's dedicated to WINNING? (THE VAST MAJORITY OF) RED SOX FANS DO NOT CARE ABOUT LIVERPOOL. This isn't helping your argument, John!
Saying that Henry won't spend in free agency because he's saving his money for a hockey team effectively lets him off the hook. One has nothing to do with the other, and our proof is in the fact that Henry hasn't been spending for three years now. Is that because he knew he might one day buy another team and needed to squirrel away every nickel? Maybe. Or maybe it's because he's caught the efficiency bug that's sweeping similarly analytics-minded front offices across baseball.
There's a reason a bunch of teams, including the Red Sox, lined up to offer nondescript starter Andrew Heaney -- whom we once would've uncharitably labeled "a bum" -- $8 million. He represents "value" belying his sky-high ERAs because he strikes out a lot of people and doesn't walk anyone.
All you're doing is proving how the Red Sox have more than enough resources to not worry about things like the luxury tax and that analytics have gone too far. Who cares if you don't walk guys and strike dudes out if you're giving up 30 homers a year? (of all my takes in this blog, this may be the weakest, but as I said, I'm less focused on current free agent classes and more worried about absentee ownership. I couldn't give less of a fuck about Andrew Heaney)
But when Henry adds Liverpool to FSG's holdings alongside Roush Racing, and then joins forces with LeBron James, and then strikes a deal to buy the Pens with the NBA reportedly next in his sights, the news is met with a romanticized angst that denies reality.
He's not gonna fuck you, bro.
The Red Sox wanted a piece of that value, instead settling on Michael Wacha of the Six Week Intriguing Changeup and Otherwise Cruddy Track Record. Even as free agency largely passes Boston by in the race to beat this week's CBA expiration, the bulk of spending is being conducted by a handful of teams trying to escape the second division -- the Tigers, Rangers, Mets, Angels.
Missing, so far, are heavyweights like the Dodgers, Yankees, Red Sox. Is this because they all plan to buy hockey teams? Or are they simply following the same statistical models of value? The Rays spending big on 20-year-old wunderkind Wander Franco just reinforces this point; Tampa doesn't pay for anything except youth, the most valuable currency in the game.
Just what fans dropping $500 for a night a Fenway care about---statistical models of value!
I'm no Henry apologist, and I believe he'll be as militant as any owner about protecting his profits in the next CBA, which could make him a problem. But we should take a step back and ask what we really want. Is it Mark Cuban berating umpires from the box seats and shilling garbage on Shark Tank? No thank you. Is it the fantasy of the beloved local steward who cares about nothing more than the sanctity of the public trust and blah blah blah? Because we had him and his name was Tom Yawkey, and all that got us was 70 years of Elks Clubbing and zero World Series titles.
I'm sorry, I missed everything after "I'm no Henry apologist" when you spent 11 paragraphs defending him.
If you want to label Henry a bit spectral or weird or withdrawn, no argument here. But this idea that he's not committed to Boston doesn't withstand even mild scrutiny. He bought a bleeping newspaper, for God's sake. Nothing says public caretaking at the expense of profit better than that.
Riiiight, that's why Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post too. These guys just love public caretaking and aren't using their money to control the media!
We'll just have to live with the fact that we're not the only apple of his eye. That's life. That's what rich people do. If he doesn't want to spend recklessly in free agency because he's been burned by John Lackey, and David Price, and Hanley Ramirez, and Pablo Sandoval, there's an argument in his favor. As long as the Red Sox continue to build on the success of 2021, who cares how they get there?
So, yes, I will take the guy who just bought the Penguins, imperfections and all. If Boston fans stamp their feet about anything, it should be that he didn't buy their hockey team.
"That's life. That's what rich people do." Way to have a spine! Also, John Lackey and David Price helped the Red Sox win World Series....and the Sox overpaid for them after horrible decisions (trading Lester) forced their hand. Let's see if they build off of 2021's success or go back to the middle of the pack. I'm sure a Devers trade is coming soon!
Admittedly, I don't give a fuck about hockey, but how can someone own the channel the Bruins play on while also owning a competitor? How is that not a conflict of interests? I can't wait to see what happens next time the Bruins are in the playoffs.
It blows my mind that someone whose job only exists because of fans has the balls to get on his high horse to scold those same fans who genuinely care about their team. You have 1000% benefitted from those "trust fund" fans that want their teams to win. Do the Red Sox have the same media presence as the Colorado Rockies? Without fans, there are no professional sports. If people aren't going to games or watching on tv, there is no league. Maybe start catering to their wants instead of the soulless billionaire who would charge you to breathe Fenway air if he could instead of saying "waaaah." This article should've been titled "HOW DARE YOU DISAGREE WITH THE RULING CLASS??!"
The New England Patriots currently sit at 8-4 and would be the 2nd seed in the AFC if the playoffs started today. Of course, they don't, NFL hasn't had a 12 game regular season since 1960, and back then, only the two conference winners made the playoffs. Plus, with a primetime matchup against the Buffalo Bills next Monday, the AFC standings could change rather quickly, but for now, it's hard to complain about the 2021 Pats. They're the hottest team in the NFL, winners of 6 straight with a point differential of +148 during the streak.
One thing you could certainly complain about is their fugly, high school quality, Wal-Mart knock-off jerseys, which is something I did the first moment I saw them.
When Tom Brady officially left the Patriots in March of 2020, the Patriots made one of the most stereotypical post-break-up moves of all time and changed up their look. Like girls who butcher their gorgeous hair, this change was not well received. It screamed of trying to turn a new leaf, post-losing the greatest QB in NFL history, only the leaf had been used as toilet paper by someone stranded in the woods. I'll never for the life of me understand how actual living humans with brains and families thought these:
Were an improvement from these:
Now I don't want to get too excited about a story that is essentially one tweet (even though Zo does have a good sense of what's going on inside the organization).
Seriously, every single one of these articles is just two sentences of shit that links to that tweet.
Plus, we all know what can happen when you overreact to something that hasn't been confirmed.
But this is great *potential* news that wouldn't be unprecedented. The NFL currently has a rule that you can only change your primary uniforms once every five years, but this is the same league that brought you the non-guaranteed contract and flex-scheduling. Nothing is real, and if the Pats want to fix this fashion faux pas, I'm sure they'll find a way.
When the Patriots ditched the three-point stance Pat Patriot for the 1993 season, they upgraded their new blue look after only two seasons, then revamped that entire look after just five years.
With the NFL's ban on alternate helmets set to get repealed next season, plenty of people are hoping the Pats return to their Pat Patriot look; I'd welcome that, but I feel like they're from a purely speculative standpoint just gonna use those as an alternate. Maybe the Pats just realized they fucked up and would rather nip this issue in the bud now instead of rocking their Wal-Mart jerseys for the third leg of the Belichick Dynasty?
Song: What is Life (1970)
Artist: George Harrison
Album: All Things Must Pass
Twenty years ago today, the world lost George Harrison and you can bet your ass I won't being use the term anniversary.
Shallow Hal came out only 20 days before George Harrison's death; crazy timing. Mauricio done fucked up now!
Special Thanksgiving Edition of #DozVsTheDozen Airs Tomorrow at 10:05 am and I've Got a Nice Lil Appetizer for You Today
Tonight is usually one of my favorite nights of the year, Thanksgiving Eve, aka Drinksgiving. I wrote about this glorious night back in the inaugural year of DOL, and despite still fucking with the concept, I'm not really feeling up to it this year. For one I have a little bit of a cold, but mainly because I didn't go out last year due to the whole Covid pandemic situation. So a bunch of the people I'd run into haven't seen me since Drinksgiving 2019 when I was thriving, "slim," enjoying existence.
Two years later, I've blown up like Violet Beauregarde and have some Rudolph-like growth on my nose, so I'd rather stay away and give myself another year to get my shit together. (maybe my 30s will be "my time") Some of my friends will be like, "nobody cares, bro, just go out" well, I care. I'm embarrassed by what I've become but can't break this cycle because the last two years have broken my spirit. I'm trying to inch my way back, but my job, the GQP & multiple fucked up relationships don't help. Sorry, nobody clicked on a #DVTD preview expecting all this to get dropped into their lap, but then again, nobody will see this blog, so it's all good baby, baabbbbyyy.
Regardless of whether I go out tonight or not, the show must go on! Tomorrow, The Dozen returns to its 10:00 am time slot for Thanksgiving, which means #DozVsTheDozen XXII is moving up as well. 10:00 am is sorta early for me on a non-work day, so I'm posting this now to give everybody ample planning time. Plus, you can pregame tonight with #DVTD XXI.
I plan on waking up at like 9:55 am, maybe 9:45, to give myself ample bathroom time. Then it's time to play some trivia and go to my Grandma's for Thanksgiving since my dad cares more about his third wife than his firstborn!
Tomorrow's match-up should be a doozy: (2) Frank and the Frankettes vs. (6) UrMom. Since I'm posting this the day before the official match, the graphic isn't out yet. My spread for last match ended up being pretty spot on so let's see if I can keep it going....Frank and the Frankettes -2.5.
If a living person is reading this, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving Eve. Whatever you do, I hope you have a good time and stay safe (which includes not gambling on the Lions-Bears game). You can catch #DozVsTheDozen XXII tomorrow, November 25th, 2021, at 10:05 am EST on my IG at @dozonlife. That's instagram.com/dozonlife.
I can't wait to see you there! Happy Thanksgiving.
Song: Celebration (1980)
Artist: Kool & The Gang
Happy Birthday Grandma! I'll be over soon.
Back in January I wrote a blog with essentially the same title about Richard Seymour, but unfortunately he was not inducted into Canton this year. Although he earn a red jacket as a member of the Patriots Hall of Fame.
(swag hat) Image Source
With the NFL set to announce semifinalists for the 2022 Hall of Fame class tomorrow, today, former Patriots VP of Player Personnel Scott Pioli released an article on NFL.com about Rodney Harrison's Hall of Fame credentials. My man brought the receipts!! Watch out on John Lynch (who was NOT on my 2021 HOF Ballot) you're about to catch some ricochets!
It's a quick read that does a great job breaking down Rodney's stats, and lack of recognition with Pro Bowls and All-Pros compared to 2021 HOFer John Lynch. Despite playing 38 fewer career games than Lynch, Rodney finished his career with more sacks, interceptions, and defensive touchdowns.
Scott Pioli is well-respected around football circles, blah, blah, blah, but that dude is vanilla wallpaper boring and does not move the needle like the greatest quarterback of all time. His article started the conversation, but Brady's seal of approval should be like an Oprah Book club sticker endorsement for Rodney's case.
I haven't had a chance to watch the new episode of Man in the Arena yet, but with it being 2003 focused, there's going to be plenty of Rodney coverage. After this blog, I'm calling it a night from writing, packing a fat Super bowl, and taking a trip down XXXVIII lane.
With only two career Pro Bowls and three All-Pro seasons, Rodney might not seem like a Hall of Famer at first glance, but his actual stats and accomplishments speak much louder than the Pro Bowl popularity contest. As Scott said, he's one of only two players in NFL history with at least 30 interceptions AND sacks, and he was the first player to cross that threshold. Sure, he did HGH in 2007, but everybody in the NFL is on something; this isn't baseball, nobody really cares.
I think Rodney's demeanor on the field, association with the Patriots, and "wasted" years on last place Charger teams have cost him to this point, but when you look at the numbers, and on the field impact, Rodney is a clear cut HOFer. He was a guy that opponents feared and game-planned around.
It's a semi-cherry picked stat, but Rodney Harrison is the last player to record multiple interceptions in the Super Bowl (2 vs. the Eagles in SB XXXIX). Rodney played hard and left it all on the field. Maybe being on the wrong side of the luckiest play in NFL history has cost him to this point?
Maybe it's my inner child of divorce speaking, but I love seeing Brady show love to former Patriots. It's such a weird situation because even though he's in Tampa, he's ours, and he'll always be ours. Once he retires in 2-9 years, we all know that he'll likely be affiliated with the Pats somehow. We all saw his post gamer after "the return." I'm a support my friends and show love guy, so seeing Brady do the same warms my clogged heart. I want to see him continue to support his teammates because it can't hurt their case and helps heal the "I still can't believe Brady is on the fucking Tampa Bay Buccaneers" wound. #FOREVERAPATRIOT.
There are not many people on this planet with a higher football IQ than Tom Brady. If he thinks you belong in Canton, that should be good enough for the Hall. I'd love to see him do the same for Vince Wilfork and Logan Mankins. If Welker made that catch against the Giants on a slightly overthrown ball, I'd add him to the list too.
When I was at Gillette for Brady's return, Rodney was outside of the stadium doing a segment with NBC and there had to a couple hundred people chanting "Rodney, Rodney, Rodney," and it was awesome. You'd love to see his colleague Tony Dungy pump his HOF tires too. Sure, I'm biased and love Rodney, but that doesn't change that fact he deserves a bronze bust in Canton, Ohio.
Sorry for being in such a good mood, but I'm officially on a 5-day weekend. LFG!! It's Tuesday, which means the return of America's favorite forgotten fake game show, #DozVsTheDozen. #DVTD turns legal today as this is the 21st edition of a show that its viewer is calling "a game show."
Despite it being a holiday week full of travel and awkward conversations about Kyle Rittenhouse, Jeff D. Lowe, and the great people behind The Dozen are still giving us two episodes this week. That means you, the DOL viewer (whom I'm incredibly thankful for), will still have two chances to watch me compete against my future coworkers.
Tonight's match-up is missing one of the best players in the league, Kirk Minihane. However, it's still an incredible match-up (on paper) as we've got (1) Team Minihane taking on defending champion (3) Big Screamin' Honkers in a "Battle for the Crown" (new this gimmick season).
No Kirk is a 2010 Lebron-type loss for Team Minihane, but as a probable future suiy guy, I wholeheartedly support Kirk's absence to focus on his mental health. I've been a Kirk fan since he was at EEI and give him all the credit in the world for being so open about his struggles. It's okay to not be okay! Take all the time you need, Kirk; Ole Dozo loves you!
Tonight's match is a "battle for the crown," which means Honkers will automatically take the #1 ranking with a win. I can't speak to Quiggs' trivia acumen, but there's only one Kirk Minihane. Hopefully, this means no golf shit for the niche round. My lines have been terrible, the books have been getting killed, but with no Kirk, this match that would probably be a pick-em becomes Honkers -4.5. I'm expecting a bloodbath, which means Team Minihane will somehow win.
If you missed Thursday night's special Peoples Temple Memorial Trivia Bowl edition of #DozVsTheDozen, it's up on the youtube machine for your viewing pleasure.
Unfortunately, #DVTD XIX is still in the chamber. Due to technical difficulties, I had to cut it into two pieces and still haven't had a chance to splice it together and give it a lookover. With 5-days away from the hell hole that is "the creative capital" school district, I promise it'll be up soon.
As for tonight, it's like a Friday for your boy, so two Bud Lights might sponsor this match. As always, the show starts at 7:05 pm EST. There's only one place to catch #DVTD LIVE, and that's at INSTAGRAM/DOZONLIFE.
I can't wait to see you there. Please respect the game and don't answer questions in the comments! #HireDozo
Song: Gooey (2014)
Artist: Glass Animals
Today's SOD is brought to you in part by the 2022 Grammy Nominations. Congratulations to Best New Artist nominee Glass Animals! They're so new that this nearly eight-year-old song has only 75 million combined Youtube views!
As America continues its democratic backslide, it's easy to get worked up about evil people abusing power and a general population that's too ignorant to recognize the warning signs due to failing schools. But it's Thanksgiving week! It's time to be thankful and reflect.
I'm thankful that we no longer have to deal with state-sponsored rationing like back in the good old days of multiple World Wars. We got a glimpse of it during Covid with TP hoarding, but nothing compares to the late 1910s and early-mid 1940s rations. Those days weren't easy and sure as heck weren't perfect (Jim Crow, single women not being allowed to open a bank account, legislated homophobia, etc.), but one relic of the 20th century that's missed today is Americans rallying together for the greater good. Could you imagine trying to institute a meatless Monday today? People who can't define communism would be screaming communism faster than you could say, Red Rover.
During both World Wars, Americans rationed food and materials to support the war efforts. While WWI rations were "voluntary" in the way that voluntary mini-camps are "voluntary" in the NFL, during WWII, national rations were officially set after the Emergency Price Control Act (1942). The EPCA gave Americans clear restrictions and required the use of official coupons to purchase things like sugar and dairy products.
But it wasn't only food getting rationed. There were restrictions with materials like rubber, nylon, and wool too. This (and general racism) led to the "Zoot Suit Riots" in 1943. If you're unfamiliar with 1930s & 40s fashion, Zoot Suits were baggy suits with exaggerated lapels that looked like what you'd see at the 2003 NBA Draft
Jazz singers like Cab Callaway made zoot suits famous; he's credited with calling them "totally and truly American."
During WWII, zoot suits were considered wasteful of valuable materials and often caused "issues" between the people wearing them and those who were offended by their very existence, seeing them as unpatriotic.
America still has miles to go socially, but that doesn't mean it's not okay to take a second to reflect where we currently stand. Let's not even touch how the sweater is pink because the idea of colors being tied to gender identity is outdated, but I mean that doesn't change that 80 years ago you could've gotten killed for wearing a pink sweater, even at a normal size. Be thankful that (for now) there are no legal restrictions on how much material you use. Look at how much we've advanced as a society when a mixed-race man feels confident enough to wear this to work without fearing for his life! yayyyy bare minimums!
Kyle Kuzma is 6' 10" with a 7-foot wingspan which conservatively means we're looking at an 11 XL sweater with two (2) four and a half foot sleeves. Eighty years ago, this man would've gotten beaten for supporting fascism by wearing intentionally big clothes. Now it's considered fashion with a side of obviously looking for attention, which I'll gladly give because this sweater is fucking hilarious. This type of excess and apathy towards practicality is what being an American is all about! He might as well be baking an apple pie and cheating on his taxes. Rock, flag and Eagle!
Everybody and their mother referenced the easy Lenny Kravitz comparison, and since I too know of his rug-scarf, I have to refer to it, too.
Here's a photo I posted on my personal IG (lucky you!) back in 2018 of me rockin' a ridiculous scarf that a member of my family wore to the beach. THE BEACH!