In an effort to make DOL even more niche, I have to get something off my chest, especially with ESPN trying to steal MY one-hit wonder thunder today.
Why'd you have to get me relied up about the mistreatment of Tim Tebow on a random Wednesday?
There's no way on earth The Wonders from the 1996 musical-dramedy "That Thing You Do" were actual one hit wonders. Allow me to paint a picture for you if you're unfamiliar with the movie.
In the spring of 1964, an unnamed band in Erie, PA was in quite a predicament. Not only were they still putting back to pieces of everyday life after the Assassination of President John F. Kennedy, but band names like The Echoes, The Band You're About To Hear, The Corvettes, The Chordvettes, The Tempos, The Herdsmen and The Big Tippers simply were not cutting it. To make matters worse, on the day of the big talent show at Mercyhurst College (present day Mercyhurst University) their drummer broke his arm in a freak parking meter injury!
The groups' chance at the 100 dollar grand prize ($776 in 2016 $) was all but gone.
Luckily, only minutes earlier on that same Saturday morning, members of the band to be named later just so happened to run into an appliance salesman/drummer by the name of Guy Patterson at a local diner.
I vividly remember thinking he was John Mayer when I was in 4th grade.
After flexing (a term not yet coined in 1964) on everybody in the group by picking up their tab, Guy is invited to watch them perform at said talent show by guitarist and back-up vocalist, Lenny Haise. It's clear at this point the two are friends. They used to be in a band together called the Tempos. Lenny then tells Guy there will be girls at the talent show (obviously) despite knowing that Guy has a girlfriend (disgusting!)
Naturally after Chad (the original drummer) breaks his arm we do not see an ambulance or hospital. Instead Jimmy (lead singer/guitar) and Lenny go straight into Patterson's Appliances to try and get Guy to play with them so they still compete in the talent showing. You know, instead of consoling their ailing friend?
In addition to being a fantastic drummer, Guy is also an incredible salesman. Unfortunately, his forgetfulness with the store sign causes his father to overlook any of his on the floor abilities.
But at least Guy gets paid, unlike his sister.
After essentially extorting two new record needles and a radio out of Jimmy and Lenny to please his dad, Guy agrees to join the band.
Almost immediately we cut to band practice.
This is where things really get rolling. Not only does Guy master the simple beat for the ballad "That Thing You Do"
But when Guy leaves he inadvertently inspires the new name of the band; The Oneders.
That's the "One-ders, NOT "O'needers". Totally not ripping off the Beatles at all. Btw the Beatles exist in this Wonders universe, don't forget that. Write yourself a note if you have to.
At the talent show, Guy pulls an audible and steps up the tempo to the surprise of the rest of the Oneders.
After winning the talent show and splitting $100 four ways (assuming scumbag Jimmy didn't take a bigger cut for himself) the Oneders take the next logical step and perform at a fine dining establishment by the airport: Villipiano's.
Their fan from the talent show requests "Thing That You Do" so he can meet girls and dance. They oblige and the place fucking loses it. I imagine many already pointy to begin with nips were hard as granite in that crowd.
That same fan later asked "where can he get the record?" after the show. That's when a light bulb goes off. The Wonders decide to cut a record.
If it wasn't by some sort of miracle that Guy's uncle (Bob) just so happens to be in the recording business (church music, choirs, favorite sermons, stuff my mom listens to) and is nice enough to allow them one (1) cut of their song "That Thing You Do" in a church.
It should be noted during this scene in the theatrical version Uncle Bob has to run out so quickly that the cymbals don't even stop shaking. Jimmy asks "what about All My Only Dreams?" and that's where the scene ends. Later in the movie he references they only got one take for it which I was confused about because of the way they edited it. The extended versions is essentially an entirely different movie.
They play Villapiano's again, this time to a much larger audience.
With their 45 for sale. (Faye, Jimmy's girlfriend/costume mistress)
That's when this handsome fella, Chris Horace buys one.
Next, Chris does what all people would do in 1964 when they wanted to talk to somebody. He showed up at Guy's job,,,,,,, unannounced.
After some convincing, Chris gets Guy to come into his office.
Where he tells him that he knows music and That Thing You Do is a hit record.
After some stew and brews, the boys eventually sign with Chris to be their manager. Of course Jimmy wasn't on board right away. Like all men who drive their homes, Chris is a man of his word and got their song on the radio. (ftr this is hands down my favorite scene in the movie, it's impossible to not smile. Guy's mom is so funny in the background and has some hilarious deep moments in the movie..her interactions with Mr. Patterson when he's talking about the rival store, Telemart are perfect...also the stamp Faye uses is a JFK one [RIP] I legit just noticed while I was making this blog )
For a brief moment the Oneders face some adversity; their next performance goes very poorly and they're booed off the stage during a matinee.
Only to immediately get signed by Play-Tone Records and join the "Play-Tone Galaxy of Stars"!!!
Bye, bye Chris :(
Hello clone of Brian Epstein, Mr. White.
Of course Jimmy can't just be happy about getting signed. He has to badger their new manager, Mr. White about when they'll record their next record? Mr. White is much more concerned with touring, promotion and thinks their original cut sounds great. I believe our high school English teachers would use the word foreshadowing here.
The excitement of their new deal (s/o FDR) is short lived after bassist, T.B. Player (seriously, that's his name) announces he's leaving the band at the end of August to report for boot camp (notice where he is walking out of when That Thing You Do debuts on the radio) as he somehow signed up for Marines during all of this.
The newly named Wonders leave for Columbus (Ohio) to begin the Play-Tone State Fair Tour, but not before Mr. White gives Guy his new signature look.
Talk about thinking outside the box.
A dynamite performance at the Ohio State Fair impresses K.O. Bailey, the 2nd most popular disc jockey in Columbus enough to give That Thing You Do serious airplay.
Now in what feels like ten days after a freak injury brought them the new lifeblood of the band, the Wonders have a Billboard Hot 100 hit.
As the State Fair Tour continues, so does That Thing You Do's rapid ascent up the charts. (In fact it becomes the fastest rising single in the history of Play-Tone Records)
After a performance at the Wisconsin State Fair (where we are introduced to their song "Dance With Me Tonight" which may actually be better than Than Thing You Do) the band gets the news that That Thing You Do is the #7 song in America. They are to leave the tour immediately and go directly to "the coast". This is the moment they truly realize they have arrived.
They do the entire Cali circuit.
First they HAVE A PERFORMANCE IN A FUCKING MOVIE. That's right, the Wonders are Cap'n Geech & The Shrimp Shack Shooters.
They do the radio circuit.
Clint Howard has face for radio in any time period.
A literal meet and greet with the head of the label.
I know it makes zero sense they are in a movie before releasing a 2nd single, but we aren't there yet.
Before it all comes crashing down, the Wonders have their biggest moment, a performance on the Hollywood Television Showcase. That same day T.B. Player has vanished. Since it's 1964 nobody knows where tf he is. He was already leaving to join the Marines at the end of the summer, but after meeting Marines at the hotel restaurant, he goes to Disney with them and is replaced by a Play-Tone bassist "Wolfman".
A lot of other things have happened too but they don't matter as much when telling this story. Sorry, Del.
During the showcase the Wonders steal the show. Although astronaut Walter White may have something to say about that.
The crowd reaction is designed to mimic the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan, which is also referenced in the movie.
(Speaking of...another plot hole....I totally get the whole "screaming girl" thing that went on during the 60's. Not to suck my own dick but I know music history. A major reason the Beatles stopped touring is because of how much screaming ruined the sound. So I get these literal fangirls went bonkers....but how are you going to freak out that much over a band that only has one hit song at this point??? Doesn't add up!)
While they're performing each member of the band has a nameplate to introduce America to the Wonders.
I know it's hard to believe, but Jimmy didn't appreciate that message. I kind of forgot to go that deep into character development because the theme of this blog in on the musical legacy side, but Faye is Jimmy's GF but you'd never know that by the way he treats her (like poop) Guy is always a gentlemen to her and there's a big will they or won't they situation the entire film. Basic love-triangle formula.
After the show Jimmy takes out his frustrations Faye as he assumes she's the one who told them to say they're engaged and he's already upset with the direction of the band. Since he hasn't proposed and it seems like he has no intentions on doing so, he is fucking heated! Yelling at her when she's saying this should be a beautiful moment. Not nice! Faye finally stands up for herself and breaks up with Jimmy once the rest of the band and Mr. White enter the room. This is the beginning of the end for the Wonders, née the Oneders.
We cut to the Wonders finally in the studio, ironically for the first time. Jimmy and Mr. White are arguing over what they are going to record. Jimmy says that he will only play his music and Mr. White informs him his contract says otherwise. He wants something peppy, happy, up-tempo...something snappy. Jimmy finally starts singing, only to snap and sing "I quit" and do exactly that. He walks out of the studio.
Lenny's away getting married in Vegas after the Showcase, T.B. is AWOL, and Jimmy just quit. The band is essentially over. Guy and Mr. White are now the only ones left in the studio, where Mr. White informs Guy the Wonders are in breach of contract. Guy is terrified and apologizes repeatedly, Mr. White tells him to relax, nobody is going to prison and says this a very common tale.
There's about 10 more minutes after that but I'm not about to spoil this entire movie.
Before I was memorizing World Series matchups or Daniel Nava stats (.303/.385 in 2013 never forget!) I was obsessed with the VH1 countdown shows as a kid. The 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders was my absolute favorite. I used to be able to recite the entire list. (#3 Come on Elieen, #99 No Rain). I am so fascinated with the concept of one hit wonders and have a great podcast idea but we don't need to dig any deeper there.... it's part of my Barstool pitch...Needless to say That Thing You Do is one of my all time favorite movies. I love Tom Hanks. I had the VHS. I've seen this movie no less than 50 times and have the soundtrack on my phone (My World Is Over by Diane Dane is my favorite non-Wonders song).
I know finding plot holes in tv and movies isn't exactly the most groundbreaking blog topic but I have had this thought weighing on my mind for over 15 years and the levys finally broke. With the advent of the internet there's got to be somebody who agrees or has the same thought. Even with their incredibly short run if the Wonders are in fact one hit wonders Play-Tone Records are the biggest ones to blame!
As a student of the game let me example something to you. Not all one-hit wonders are the same. HA! Not even a fuckin-little-bit. There are different levels of one-hit wonderdom.
Some commercially successful artists that don't have a ton of "mainstream" success end up with only one song that charts on the top 40. Famous examples of this are the Grateful Dead (Touch of Grey), Jimi Hendrix (All Along The Watchtower) and Blink 182 (All The Small Things). Nobody would ever dare consider any of them along the likes of "one- hit wonders" like The Mary Jane Girls, Frankie Goes to Hollywood or Nick Glider of the world with their legacies, but all technically are by the letter of the law.
Then there's artists that actually have multiple top 40 hits but one song was just so much more popular than the other that it complete overshadowed it and they are remembered as a one-hit wonder. The Knack, Rupert Holmes, and Vanilla Ice are fantastic examples off the top of my head at 12:30 in the morning (this was a two-day passion project and I'm doing something I almost never do before posting...editing and letting you know that now at 8:01 pm Thursday November 13th..and again at 9:07) thanks to years of VH1 as a kid. These type are crazy to me. Vanilla Ice has two top 5 hits but nobody remembers he covered Play That Funky Music. Only Vanilla Ice could have two top 5 hits and be thought of as a one-hit wonder. I mean I'm sure he doesn't give a fuck anymore but that would drive me insane. It'd be like if you won two super bowls but everybody thought you only had one. Then you show them your two rings and they think you bought one at a pawn shop.
Throughout the movie there are multiple live performances. We hear mostly clips of That Thing You Do, but the Wonders have three other songs that are played at different points throughout the film.
Dance With Me Tonight.
All My Only Dreams; the ballad that Jimmy so desperately wants to release.
And lastly, Little Wild One.
You may have noticed I've mentioned that this movie takes place in 1964 in a universe where the Beatles exist. There are countless references to the Beatles in this movie between their fucking name, their music, the scene where Faye is mistaken for a fan, the girls reactions to them, Mr. White literally being Brian Epstein, they even show he's gay in the deleted scenes and his boyfriend's name is Lloyd (aka Howie Long) which couldn't help but make me think of Entourage.
Someone asks why don't they have long hair like the Beatles at the meet and greet, the owner of Villipiano calls Guy "Ringo". They get famous after changing drummer and bassist. The point has been made the Beatles exist in this universe.
So in this world, in April 1964 during the peak of the British Invasion, the Beatles accomplished a feat that likely will never happen again in music history unless Beyonce suddenly dies in the next 10 years. The entire top five on the Billboard Hot 100 one artist; the Beatles.
That's right, on April 4th, 1964 "Can't Buy Me Love" was the number one song in America, "Twist and Shout" was number two, "She Loves You" was three, "I Want To Hold Your Hand" was four and lastly, "Please Please Me" arounded out the Top 5.
Then just a few months later Play-Tone Records finds its own piece of teen-pop gold in the Wonders. They have the fastest rising single in the HISTORY OF THE RECORD LABEL and have cameo in a major Hollywood production. Don't you think the execs at Play-Tone would want to strike while the iron's hot? Make some more money that will go to 37 different people before the artists. I know In My Only Dreams fucking sucks but Wild One and Dance with Me are both straight bops. You mean to tell me one of those didn't happen to at least crack the Hot 100? I find that hard to believe!
Now I get it, we've all had boners that lasted longer than the Wonders did so the way the movie played out could be exactly what happened. They were the perfect whirl-wind. I just don't see it that way. More importantly I don't hear it that way because these songs are #actuallygood. I've seen a lot of movies about fake bands and the Wonders are hands down the best. They're getting compared to the Beatles constantly and have the most successful song in the history of Play-Tone! I know Mr. White didn't give a fuck about what Jimmy wanted and did not think they didn't to record any new tracks and Play-Tone could've simply not had any master cuts to release but cmon!? Sure 1964 was a much different time, you had to play by the rules of the music industry. There weren't kids going platinum on soundcloud in their bedrooms back then, but how short sighted and idiotic were these people at Play-Tone be to not ride the Wonders wave? How do you not go after Jimmy? That's it? One tantrum and he's gone? Fuck all the money and fame stuff? I know he's a fucking pretentious ass hole, but money talks. It's clear they are teen sensation. They are literally introduced on the Hollywood TV Showcase as "Teen Sensation, the Wonders". I refuse to believe Dance With Me Tonight didn't crack the top 20. There's just no fucking way.
I'm only saying this so I don't start a paragraph with--- because there is a final type of one-hit wonder and while there are different subsets of this breed, the main one I want to focus on is the novelty song. Those 1HW you can see from a mile away.
I knew Who Let The Dogs out would be a one-hit wonder before I could pick what I wanted to wear. I'm normally pretty good at spotting them. Gotye was so easy.
Mambo No. 5, Call Me Maybe (It's always a good time doesn't count since she wasn't the only artist), The Macerna...those are novelty songs. That Thing You Do does not fall anywhere close to that category. I was way off with I Kissed a Girl but that was like losing a bet on a bullshit call. You still made the right decision even though it didn't work out.
I'm sorry to question everything about your directorial debut, Mr. Hanks but come on, there's no way the Wonders were actually one-hit wonders. Fucking Lil Nas X has two top hits.
P.S. HELLLLL YES. How cool is this?
You look great in red, have I told you that?
The exclusivity of the National Baseball Hall of Fame is what makes it great, but at times can be one of its worst qualities.
I love that the baseball HOF actually matters. It means something to get elected. It's Cooperstown. Maaaybe Canton has an argument for name recognition? But it's sure as shit beats basketball the whore of HOFs in everything. For a long time there were certain milestones in a career that were considered tickets to the Hall of Fame; 3,000 hits, or 500 HRs for hitters. 300 wins, 3000 strikeouts for pitchers. Modern baseball changed that, now it's a WAR above 65 or leading the league in strikeouts as a batter.
The stuffy, self-righteous attitude of "old-baseball" has been beaten to death, but man is it true here because there are so many stupid rules that ruin the Hall's legitimacy in my eyes. You cannot exclude the fucking Hit King, or Shoeless Joe. I'm sorry, not to go full Peter King, but their actions don't even come close to Darren Shaper!! The Steroid Era definitely had it's negative consequences, but there are players of that era who are HOFers in any era. To completely turn a blind eye to a generation of players that saved baseball just rubs me the wrong way. If you want to have some sort of asterisk, or mention of allegations on the plaque I'll have the conversation. Clemens and Bonds have to be in IMO.
Luckily, baseball knows and appreciates how time changes the way people are remembered. With an analytical eye guys like Alan Trammell are more appreciated. That is what is great about this vote. With ≥ 12 of 16 these men can right the wrongs of baseball writers past. The 2020 Modern Baseball Era includes greats of the 70's and 80's like Dwight Evans, Steve Garvey and the late Thurman Munson.
This is essentially me paraphrasing Wikipedia, but in 2016 the Veterans Committee changed the way they elect members. Instead of the Veterans Committee elect-ees tending to be guys who played, managed, or executed (lol) in an era where players needed second jobs and those jobs were things like cobblers, chimney sweeps and HR at Ellis Island. This change shifted towards an emphasis on the contemporary players who slipped through the Cooperstown cracks. There are two divisions focusing on the time frame where the players made their greatest contribution to baseball. "Modern Baseball: 1970-1987" and "Today's Game: 1988 and later" . The vote rotates yearly. Tiger greats Jack Morris and Alan Trammell were elected via the Modern Era Committee in 2018.
I saw an article about Dwight Evans having a chance at the Hall on facebook. That's what inspired this tweet (and eventually this blog!)
Last year Harold Baines was elected via Today's Game and may have ruined this for everybody. While I know my school of thought is not the law, I do think it's fair. WAR is important; that's Wins Above Replacement for anybody reading with no clue wtf that means. It's a new age baseball stat that basically shows your value over an average player. It is important, but is not the end all be all. I think counting stats still matter, and as a narrative guy you better fucking believe I think the postseason carries HEAVY HOF weight. It's exactly why I have zero issue with Morris who IMO is a Hall of very good player over the top. Harold Baines is a joke in my eyes.
I'm gonna be honest with you basically everybody on the ballot has a legit case to be in but these are fiveish I feel most passionate about.
No American League player hit more home runs in the 1980's. 8 time gold glove winner. Has one of the most iconic catches in World Series history; hit .300 with 3 HR and 14 RBI is 14 career World Series games.
Obviously some bias as a Red Sox, but he has a HOF WAR and some great little nuggets that look great on a plaque in Cooperstown. As someone who watched him play for years firsthand Dewey was one of the best defensive outfielders of all time.
Dewey's career numbers:
After circumcision and c-section is there another more famous surgical procedure than Tommy John? That alone should get the man in but if not 286 wins, and career 3.34 ERA over TWENTY SIX SEASONS is good enough for me. 6-3 with a 2.65 ERA in the postseason over 14 appearances (13 starts) to boot.
TJ's career numbers:
I'm a union man.
Not quite Carlton Fisk, but the heart and soul of the 70's scumbag Yankees. 7 time all star. 3 gold gloves. 1970 ROY. 1976 AL MVP. Really made his numbers count in October.
Kind of fucked up he isn't already in TBH. Sorry the dude died in a fucking plane crash that tragically put his career average at .292 and not a perfect .300.
Munson's career numbers:
Dude was on the We Are Family Pirates and Bash Bro A's. NARRATIVE! While his career WAR is only 40.1 Dave Parker still hit 339 HR which is extra cool considering he was number 39, batted .290 over 19 years, won two rings, 7 time all star, 3 time gold glover, and a 2 time batting champ. Legacy matters when it comes to the Hall and Dave Parker has a legacy.
Parker's career numbers:
Steve Garvey and Don Mattingly
Basically the same guy. Legendary first basemen for arguably the game's two biggest franchises with numbers that are just a tad away from being sure things. Garvey's got the post season numbers/opportunities. 2x NLCS MVP, 1981 WS champ. Mattingly has the stigma of greatest Yankee to never win a World Series.
Neither were huge power guys but good, if not great in Mattingly's case defensive first basemen. 9 GG for Mattingly, 4 for Garvey. Mattingly is a career .307 hitter.
Both won an MVP during their career and received a ton more MVP votes. Each made a pop culture impact at one point. Borderline and not nearly as passionate about these two as the rest but gun to my head they should be in.
Garvey's career numbers:
Mattingly's career numbers:
The Washington Nationals are 2019 World Series Champions!
What a path they took! Lost Bryce Harper in free agency. They were 19-31 through 50 games. Best record in baseball since May 24th. Beat the Brewers, Dodgers (106 wins), Cardinals, and Astros (107 wins) en route to their first World Series title in franchise history. Outscored 19-3 at home in the World Series. Trailed in 5 elimination games and won all 5. THREE losses since September 20th. 12-5 in the playoffs. What a fucking story. I said Nats in 7 (NBD) but never thought they'd win in 7 by winning FOUR in Houston. Absolutely unbelievable. Greinke was phenomenal right until the end. Real bad break, he was so great, so efficient. It felt like there were two grounders to him an inning. While he wasn't MVP Max Scherzer gave the Nats two gutsy new-age baseball quality starts. 2 runs over 5 IP in games 1 and 7.
What a moment between two guys who have had a lot of playoff heartbreak together.
Of all the big money free agent deals in MLB history, few rival Scherzer's 7 year 210 million. It looks like suuuuch a bargain now. The Nationals have gotten every penny out of him and then some. Two Cy Youngs and World Series. I still can't get over this shit man. Home teams just went 0-7 in the World Series. We may never see that again. What a World Series. What a prediction!
Ryan Zimmerman started the rally in the top of the 9th to put it away. First draft pick in Nationals history is now a world champion. Movie.
Rendon had statistically the clutchest/most clutch postseason ever. Made himself a few extra tens of millions in October.
Howie Kendrick has been the man all October. Series winning grand slam in NLDS. NLCS MVP. Go ahead game 7 homer. You're gonna have a hard time finding many postseason runs better than that.
Then he capped it off with an all time celly!!
The Nationals run was obviously a team effort, but holy shit no team has ever rode two guys more. Talk about getting everything out of your aces. Move over Randy and Curt.
STEPHEN STRASBURG IS WORLD SERIES MVP!!!!!!!!! HOLY MOTHER FUCKING NAR-RA-TIVE!!!!! 2012 HOLY SHIT I LOVE BASEBALL. Soooo fired up. What a game. Yes I won my parlay. Thank you Jake Marisinick!!! (Adam Eaton you're awesome too!)
Down 2-0 going into the 7th and win 6-2, what a beautiful game.
Back to Stras. I've built this blog in the most unorganized way ever. Just keep adding shit. All those caps were right when it was announced. I was fired up. If it wasn't gonna be Max, he's the next guy I wanted to see take it home.
Stephen Strasburg's 2019 postseason will go down as one of the best by a starting pitcher since the playoffs expanded in 1995.
The man the Nats paid instead of Harper won game 7. How perfect is that?
Last but certainly not least, there are so many other guys on this team. Fernando Rodney gets a ring, Trey Turner is cool, I have love for Yan Gomes, Cabrera has had a great career, Daniel Hudson got cut by the g damn Angels, this team has a fucking Dozier on the team. It's almost 1 am and I'm not even a nats fan this is already impressive af. The man I have to address is someone who literally became a man during the World Series. 21 year old Juan Soto. Welcome to the world. He is a STAR.
As you know from reading dol-2019-world-series-breakdown.html I predicted Nationals in 7 before this series even began. Omg would you look at that? Here we are mere hours away from first pitch of Game 7 with the man I predicted winning Series MVP on the mound. I don't know about you? but I am fired TF up and it's not just because I have two units riding on this game. It's Game 7 baby! The two best words in sports. Who doesn't love a Game 7? It all comes down to this.
Now that we have the obligatory game 7 clichés out of the way I present you,,,,,, my blog:
The 2019 World Series has left the highly paying customer (average price from game 6 was $1262) unhappy every night; unless of course they traveled a long way to get there, are a transplant, or bandwagoner as the road team is 6-0. That's right, which means conversely the home team is 0-6! Something that has never happened before in the history of seven game series. Talking all sports; even football.
Of all the potential pitching match-ups in this (starting) pitching rich series Max Scherzer vs Zack Greinke isn't the best, but it is a historic one.
BTW I can't decide/don't know if Game 7 is supposed to be capitalized or not so I'm kinda just going with how I feel in the moment.
With Game 7 looming the question on everybody's mind is will the road warrior trend continue? The roulette guy in me says no. If it does, obviously this would be the first time in the history of 7 game series that the road team won every game. Despite 4 blow outs, the series has been incredibly even with the Astros holding the slightest advantage possible outscoring the Nats 28-27. Both teams have scored in every inning at least once, with the exception of the Nationals in the 3rd inning.
While they say you can throw the regular season record out the door come October, the Astros had a monumentous advantage in that department, winning 14 more games than the Nats in 2019. But in case you haven't watched any of the World Series or follow baseball, the Nationals have been the best team in baseball since May 24th.
However, since Major League Baseball Opening Day was March 28th, 2019 the Nats do not host game 7 tonight.
The way this series has gone they probably prefer that.
Of course the 107 win Astros at home in game 7 would seem like a smart pick. It very well could happen. This team has been the class of baseball all season long. This three year run has seen 311 regular season wins, 2 pennants and as of 6:46 pm 1 World Series ring. In a one game situation anything can happen and with Scherzer's health a question mark if you told me the Astros win 11-2 tonight it wouldn't blow my mind. But G-d man these Nationals are something else. There's the May 24th shit, baby shark, the Wild Card comeback, sweeping the NLCS, and now it all comes down to game 7.
I know baseball has totally changed in the last few seasons, although game 7s have always been an anything goes affair. Neither will likely have the opportunity to get in that much trouble in a game 7, but how on earth can you trust a team starting Zack Greinke in a GAME 7 OF THE WORLD SERIES?
Look, I have my own mental health demons so I know how it goes. I have had panic attacks, I can't talk to girls unless I'm drunk on an app and all that shit nobody likes talking about. Zach Greinke has well documented issues. I really don't feel that bad addressing it here. Even outside of that. The dude is a weirdo. Head case has been thrown around. It sucks. I feel for the guy. But facts are facts. He's also very rich so I don't feel that bad but how can you have faith in this guy tonight? All the pressure is on the Astros, ie him. 107 wins. 2017 champs. They're playing at home. Huge favorites going into the playoffs. There may soon be a narrative they can't win at home in the playoffs considering in 2018 they lost three straight home ALCS games. Only four straight World Series games would be worse. Can he handle it? In four starts this postseason Zack's only gotten past the 5th inning once; a quality start in a 7-0 game one loss of the ALDS. Like I said I don't think he'll really get a chance to get rocked too hard, but this all has to be considered. He's not a guy with great postseason numbers either.
To be fair, it would be extremely Zack Greinke to completely dominate tonight. He's such a weirdo he may not even have it register that it's game 7.
Then there's my guy Mad Max. In game 1 he did just enough to win. 5 innings of 2 run ball. He hasn't pitched since because of a neck injury.
To take a page out of the Nationals book; since 2013 Max Scherzer has been the best pitcher in baseball.
Three Cy Young Awards and no hitters since 2013. While he's no Curt Schilling in October, Scherzer has pitched well and in many cases been a hard luck loser. In 21 postseason appearances (17 starts) he's 7-5 3.36 ERA, 134, 107 IP. I saw him pitch IRL for Detroit in game 6 of the 2013 ALCS. The dude is nasty. He's one of my favorite non-Red Sox in all of baseball. While he likely won't win MVP (unless he pitches a shutout tn) he has a chance to cement his legacy in the all-time conversion. A signature start if you will. With an elite 7 year run bookended by very respectable seasons Old Brown Eye has a shot at Cooperstown. A legendary performance tonight, on the road would do an awful lot for his résumé. If I had to pick one these guys to show up in this spot I'm picking Max Scherzer every single time.
Both line-ups have their fair share of studs.
The Nats have that 2-3-4 of Eaton, Rendon and Soto. Trey Turner is electric and a great shit talker. While he's certainly not who he was pre-2014, Ryan Zimmerman is still a franchise icon. In a game 7 situation he has a chance to truly make D.C. baseball history with a big knock.
The Astros are obviously a fucking wagon. They likely will sweep the major awards this off season. Jose Alutve could get runover by a skateboard and die tomorrow and still make the HOF. Carlos Correa hits fucking 6th. Bregman is likely the MVP. Brantley is one of the best FA signings of all time. They are herbie hancock fully loaded.
With the DH in play the Nats are actually in a better position than if they were at home. I don't think it's any coincidence they are winning games when Asdrubal Cabrera is at 2nd and Howie "best batting average of the last three seasons combined" Kendrick is DHing. 3-0 in Houston averaging 8.33 runs a game, compared to 0-3 1 run a game at home.
In a game 7 anything goes, we may even see Strasburg for a batter or two if that's what it takes. I have chuckie big dick great expectations for this game. In the final World Series of the decade let's hope this game 7 is more 2016 than 2017.
I am on the Nats and the over tonight. Even though I am a gigantic Scherzer fan I wouldn't be shocked if he doesn't make it two times through the line up given his health. Another reason for the over! Then to completely sit on a fence if I somehow missed this game and checked the box score tomorrow and saw 7.1 11 k's and 1 ernie I wouldn't be too blown away either.
Between the firepower of these offenses and the question marks on the mounds for both teams with the over managing due to analytics I love the over like a son who got a football scholarship. When you factor in Dave Martinez literally risking his life getting so angry yesterday after that blown call on the Turner infield single how can you not pick the Nats?
Oh and the road team has won the last three game 7s.
These boys are fucking ready. I picked them to win it all in 2018 and are just a little late to the party. Even I was driving earlier today 5-3 Nats really stuck out to me which would also happen to cash my ticket. I'm saying Nats win 6-4. MVP Juan Soto?
The umps have been fucking dreadful this series, especially behind the plate. While I'm not a robot umps guy, I am a get-it-the-fuck-together-it's-the-World-Series-guy. I just want this to a good game (that ends in a Nationals victory with at least 8 runs scored) Nobody wants to see a Buckner/NFCCG situation.
As you already know after reading my blog from yesterday bill-belichick-becomes-only-the-3rd-coach-in-nfl-history-to-win-300-games.html New England Patriots head football coach Bill Belichick has 300 wins. Making him only the 3rd coach in NFL history to reach that milestone.
While the Patriots don't like to celebrate individual achievements, Bill would be the first to tell you this is a team accomplishment that would not ever be possible without the players.
Many of his players were asked about Belichick's 300th victory after the game yesterday. I bet some may have even been asked about it again today.
Linebacker/boogeyman Dont'a Hightower had this to say in congratulations to Belichick's 300th win.
Now, we all say stupid stuff, especially in the heat of the moment. You'd think I work at pop copy with how often my foot is in my mouth. â
You know when you're a kid and don't understand how literally anything actually works? When you think $100 can buy a car? I feel like that's what Dont'a is doing here with the number 300. Don't get me wrong, 300 can be a big number sometimes. If you are in possession of 300 pairs loaves of bread that's far too many for one person to ever have, unless they are partaking in some sort of grilled cheese cook-off. If you have 300 pairs of children's shoes you probably helped commit genocide. To really put things in perspective, Alanis Morrisette once had 10,000 spoons and only needed a knife.
Sometimes, 300 is nothing. Fucking NOTHING. Especially when it comes to amount of times doing
If you've been alive for less than a year you've woken up 300 times. Bam! There's one thing right there. Oh you gotta go to sleep, right? There's another 300. Are you over a year old? Oh sick, we're having a conversation right now, so let's multiply. You've been alive for at least a couple years. How have you managed to survive this long? Did you eat food? You did, awesome.. More than once a day? Okay cool. Now that didn't just stay inside your body forever did it? Oh no it didn't? You made poo-poo and pee-pee? Yep. Okay there's another. Did you go to school? No, way? Me too. You've probably read over 300 pages in your life then, Just barely, I know. So you said you went to school. Before 2017? You did? Okay so you've said the Pledge of Allegiance wayyyy more than 300 times. Did you make it to 13 years old? You did? Congrats. You've jerked off at least 2,000 times and with jerking off comes clean up. Another 1000+ times. Now speaking of clean up, you've been showering throughout all this shit, right? Okay thank God. Assuming 3 a week (which is way too low) we're hitting 300 in two years easy. While were on cleaning don't think I forgot about the poo-poos and the pee-pees. You wiped, right? Oh thank God. another 300+. Now let's go back to that eating thing. After all that's where the poo-pee starts. Do you hate yourself? Oh you don't, well look at you Mr. Perfect. Well a lot of us do, so let's just throw in pints of Ben and Jerry's while we're at it to be safe.. Did you go to college? Yes, okay so over 300 beers too. Did you graduate? You did? Congrats so 300 adderall. Maybe you're a linebacker in the NFL? Oh you are? That's incredible. Barely anybody is. Guess what, you have over 300 tackles in your career too.
I could keep going and say most people have sent far more than 300 texts in their life, or sang the wrong words to Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann. I could keep going but I've already drove this shitty topic to the ground and we get the point. I just hope Belichick takes 30 seconds to bust High's balls about this ridiculously inaccurate assessment on life statistics. Speaking of...I used to say I was going to keep track of all the beers I drank in college and that lasted about two nights. I am just fascinated by the idea of stats of my own life, and I used to say it was never possible although with google, facebook, Russia, our government, and Alexa that is probably no longer the case :(
Tame Impala released two songs "Patience" and "Borderline" way back in March and April. Seems like a past life. If you had told me it was actually in January I would've believed you. They weren't like promo tracks for a movie soundtrack where no album is expected to support the tracks. Nope. Just two new songs for world to hear in early 2019. A new album in the same calendar year would've seemed like a pretty safe bet. When they did SNL it felt inevitable. I guess "Patience" was just Kevin Parker foreshadowing? Now it's basically November and there is finally news thanks to Tame Impala's IG.
After some perfectionism and overall weirdness the news is finally out. New Tame Valentine's Day 2020. While I'm a little disappointed it's so far from now, I guess it'll be cool to have something to look forward to after the Patriots win the Super Bowl again. I think it'll be Seattle.
You're about to get some Tama Impala references fucking Horatio Cain'd down your throat here so I suggest you just throw on your shades and Let It Happen.
Kevin Parker finally made up his mind on a release date. I guess a 2019 release was not meant to be. Life is moving, can't you see? Well let me tell you this...The Moment this album is available, cause I'm a Man, I'll Eventually get around to buying it.
Although Parker added another trimester of wait time, at least we now have a due date. February 14th, 2020. Valentine's Day. The jokes right themselves, but I'll Be Above it.
I mean, bravo, dozo.
A third track off of The Slow Rush was released today coinciding with the album news entitled "It Might Be Time".
It's a bummer the new album is not going to be released for another 108 days I'm beyond excited to know it's actually coming. Tame Impala is one of favorite bands and when I start releasing the "Best of 2010's" line of blogs in the upcoming weeks you'll be seeing plenty of them. There was a brief period in time where I was like maybe Kevin Parker was just going to do samples for Theophilus London and chill. Great to see he intends on making music for us until he dies. Hopefully that is long after I'm gone.
P.S. Like all blogs I was on giphy looking for gifs (obviously) be careful around Tame Impala gifs. It's a web you can get stuck in for hours if you're not careful.
After weathering the storm against the Cleveland Browns 27-13 the New England Patriots are 8-0. Despite question-marks surrounding the offensive line, receiving core (both WR and TE) and running game the Pats are undefeated halfway through the regular season. A majority of the credit can go to the greatest QB of all-time at 42 years old doing what he needs to do (11 TD 4INT) with this potentially all-time great defense behind him. In the rare chance you get into the red-zone against the Patriots, you still likely aren't scoring.
With the win coach Bill Belichick becomes the 3rd coach in NFL history to amass 300 victories.
At only 67 years old and 48 wins behind Don Shula for the all-time lead, the question isn't will Bill Belichick become the all-time leader?....it's when will he?
Worst case scenario, including the playoffs this Patriots team will win 4 more games. They could theoretically win as many 11. I still don't think 19-0 is happening...But I mean 17-2 could? Either way...at this pace there's a chance Brady could be the QB for win 348; especially if he plays until 45 like he's said he wants to.
In a year celebrating the 100 year history of the NFL, as the biggest history buff in the NFL it's fitting this is the season Belichick joins this elite club. Only Don Shula (347) and George Halas (324) have more wins.
Here's the GOAT on #300
Holy full circle. First coaching win was as Browns head coach against the Patriots. 300th win he's coaching the Patriots against the Browns. I really hope he gave a speech to those guys after the video ends.
I fucked up the numbers. Something I rarely do!! Shula has 348 wins not 328. I had the number without postseason wins. Fixed the numbers but left basically everything else. That makes my claim of Belichick definitely surpassing him a little less likely. If I was a betting man (I just so happen to be one) I'd still say he eventually breaks the record.
To achieve the shot, Warwick resident Zach Bacon rolls the first ball very slowly, and with lots of spin, down the lane.
Once that ball gets going, Alex Lefebvre, also of Warwick, throws the second ball down the side of the lane and it hits all but two corner pins.
By the time the lane resets, Baconâs ball hits the remaining two pins for a spare.
âThat first ball has to be at the perfect speed, sometimes, he will do it and it wonât make it down the lane, other times it hits the gate and bounces back to you or goes in the gutter. It is just about the speed and hopefully, that second ball knocks down the right pins,â said Lefebvre said in an interview with GoLocalProv.
Lefebvre adds that it did not take them very long to achieve the shot.
âThat was only the third time we tried that shot that night, we have done it before in years past, and the funny thing is that Zach had done earlier in the night,â Lefebvre said.
He added, âWe goof off like that, its something that we have done before and try different stuff just to see different reactions and different ways we can try stuff."
As of Wednesday, the video has more than one million views on Instagram and six million views on Tik Tok.
Lefebvre is a 2018 graduate of the University of Rhode Island and currently works at Liberty Mobility.
Bacon studied at the Community College of Rhode Island, and used to work at Langâs.
This has got to be the most impressive feat in bowling since Roy Munson's snagged a $500,000 trojan deal. The creativity, the timing, the execution. What more needs to be said? It's incredible. Yeah I gasped. Still can't believe they played it off so cool.. saying they've done it before multiple times. Phhff.. Sure, guy.
Normally, I would call bullshit... but I shit you not I actually know who Zach Bacon is. That's Rhode Island, ba-by! I briefly worked w/ him at Federal Express a couple years back. Really nice guy. One of the few normal people in the warehouse. Let me tell you there are some creatures handling your mail as we speak.
Long story, short...I believe they've done this before,but holy shit man that's gotta be something you keep to yourself. Right? I don't know what you really have to gain saying that you've done this before? Maybe to gain cred in the trick shot community? idk. I just feel like it makes the story way better. Can't lie, hearing they've done it before kinda takes a little shine off the diamond. Still cool.
I am a huge bowling guy, my late grandfather bowled a perfect game. I've bowled a perfect game in Wii bowling. But I also kind of suck. V inconsistent. I'll go 91, 163, 68, 84 in a night. So I've done my fair share of fucking around on the lanes while 64 pins behind my buddies. Let me tell you there is no thrill like a trick shot that involves timing the gate. Other than committing an actual crime, there is no quicker way to get every eyeball in the bowling alley glaring into your soul like you stole mail from a children's hospital. The bowling ball hitting it at any speed sounds like a fender bender. Okay, like a potty training 2 year old screaming to his mom...I'm done! Trying to do shorter blogs. S/o these two guys for getting their 15 seconds of fame. Gee, what a wordsmith that Alex is. âWe goof off like that, its something that we have done before and try different stuff just to see different reactions and different ways we can try stuff." He'd fit right in at DOL. I could use a second writer.
I hate to be Mr. Poopy Pants but I don't love this trade. To paraphrase a tweet I sent out when the news broke.
When I think of Mohamed Sanu, I think touchdown passes and saying "we bout to put 40 something on they ass" before taking part in the biggest collapse in the history of the Super Bowl (American Football Championship Game)
Here is an actual tweet of mine with that very clip!
Clearly they saw enough when they didn't allow a point for the final 27 minutes of the game.
I should mention to people out there like my mother who may think "well aren't touchdown passes a good thing?"
Of course they are, mom but I don't mean touchdown passes as in he catches them. Au Contraire. Sanu only has 25 in 110 career games. Nothing special. While TDs by no means tell the entire story of production for WR, (To Sanu's credit he's brought in over 70% of his targets 3 of the last 4 years and the year he didn't he was at 69.8%) Touchdown receptions are ideally what you're looking for from pass catchers. Here I'm talking passy-boys, the throws, passing touchdowns.
Mohamed Sanu has done the passing touchdown thing 4 times in his career.
God aren't people who talk about sports like that the fucking WORST?!?
Sanu, a former HS QB is 7/8 passing for 233 yards and 4 TD in his career. Good for a perfect passer rating (158.3)
Before I go any farther, not only is passer rating the dumbest stat ever that no football fan truly understands and makes zero sense with 158.3 being perfect, but "former HS QB" when talking about basically any skill guy in the NFL is the step-brother of "he's a former basketball player" when talking about 40% of the TE's in the NFL. The Antonio Gates Clause if you will.
Okay, back on schedule.
This is a very cool feather to have in your NFL cap, I'm not trying to make it a slight. Walter Payton threw 8 career touchdowns.
But this is a 30 year old WR in the 4th year of a 5 year 32.5 million dollar deal we're talking about. Best case scenario Sanu attempts what 2 passes this year? For a 2nd rounder! Already kinda pricey. Granted since we're in year four it's not like they owe him that entire deal but to me this price is a little, high even though I have zero idea what he's due. I still feel like Bill got fleeced here just because Sanu is literally the perfect Patriot. He's not only versatile with his passing abilities, but he also went to Rutgers; which to Bill Belichick is the football equivalent of an Oxford degree. Cant rule out feeling bad for their incontinence either! What's a 2nd rounder to a Super Bowl ring?
To me it comes down to this. A 2nd rounder for a guy WR who's first five highlights you think of him are all passes is too fucking much. I know that isn't exactly the most precise analytical analysis, but that shit matters. Call me old fashioned, but when my team acquires a WR I think it's best when the guy is known more for his receiving ability. It'd be like if your surgeon's best skill was drumming.
It's just the whole second round price tag thing. Maybe it's a Patriots premium? Just feel like you can get a lot more than Mohamed Sanu for a second rounder. I know he's a head case so maybe this example sucks, but the Raiders traded a 3rd and 5th for fucking AB. (Sidenote I know I haven't blogged nearly enough lately, and that I've been saying that for two years, but holy shit man if the Patrs just held on to AB. IDGAF they gave up on the dude way too quickly.)
Now this could very well be a great deal for the Pats and I could look quite dumb. What the Pats have on their side is that 2nd rounder for them is basically a third rounder since it'll be after pick 58. With their shitty draft history maybe this is better than another Jordan Richards? But a second rounder, man? When you see the Emmanuel Sanders deal it's like pouring Karkov on an open wound. I know Sanu doesn't need to Calvin Johnson here for the deal to a "success" and in a perfect world he's the 4th option. I just think it's too much for g-d Mohamed Sanu. Mohamed, as which we all know is the most common name on earth (Superbad, 2007) is the first player in Patriots history named Mohamed (I am completely guessing but feel safe assuming here despite what we all know assuming does) (oh man I assumed again)
It cannot go unsaid this guy was on the 2016 Atlanta Falcons. Now the Patriots literally won a Super Bowl this calendar year with a member of the 2016 Falcons on their roster (Adrian Clayborn) so it's not a huge deal, but if given the option I'd pick guys who wasn't on that team. They just have that loser stench that cannot be washed off, even in an oatmeal bath. Bill probably just sees it as added hunger. Sanu was on the biggest culprits of over-confidence in the defeat. I've watched that Mic'd up at least 60 times and enjoyed every second of him looking like an absolute fool every time. Taylor Gabriel tried to warn him! If you thought that 60 was hyperbole you should change your name to Chris Stapleton because baby you were wrong.
As we approach the final World Series of the 2010's *** :( *** I'm still getting used to this whole Houston Astros are the class of the AMERICAN LEAGUE thing. I know they've been in the AL since 2014, but I'm a Rhode Islander. I still call a Rite Aid, that is now a Walgreens "Brooks".
I'm just saying these things take time! It's just strange to see the 'Stros as an AL powerhouse. It's like if the Dolphins became 2x NFC champs.
For the second time in three years those American League Houston Astros are representing the junior circuit in the Fall Classic. In 2017 they defeated the Dodgers in 7.
Taking on the tall task of facing off against the Astros and their vaunted pitching staff is the Washington Nationals and their vaunted pitching staff. They also have a history (now) of beating the Dodgers.
The two clubs have the most expensive (and well-decorated) tops of their rotation in Major League Baseball.
The Nationals 2019 story is as 18 year olds with no brain say "a movie".
After losing franchise icon Bryce Harper in free agency to division rival Philadelphia it looked as if the Nationals were going to be in the bottom of the National League in 2019. After a less than ideal start through 50 games the Washington Nationals and Detroit Tigers were both 19-31. One ended up in the World Series, the other won less than 50 games.
As for the rosters of the two clubs... it appears we already have a formatting war on our hands! Positional breakdown vs. hitters and pitchers. WHO YA GOT??
In a day in age where we are eliminating dare I say too many labels I prefer the Nats set-up. S/o to the Stros though for saying men instead of people.
The Astros have the clear edge in experience. Eight players on their World Series roster already own Astros World Series rings from 2017. Okay sure, twist my arm, I'll list them. Correa, Bregman, Springer, Gurriel, Altuve, Verlander, Harris and Peacock.
The Washington Nationals (Montreal Expos) have the oldest roster (average age 31.1) in baseball while also having a mix of young, exciting talent. Looking at you Juan and Trey. They also have a Yan because why not? Fuck Bobs, right? That being said this franchise has never appeared in the World Series and up until 2019 never even won a playoff series (while in D.C.) . The Nats also happen to be 7-0 in their navy blues; so everything else is null and void until further notice.
Here are few baseball tidbits as we get closer and closer to first pitch.
-Teams with home field advantage in the World Series are 13-6 since 2000.
-The Astros won 107 regular season games; Nationals won 93.
-Bryce Harper is not on the Nationals anymore.
-The Nationals swept the NLCS. Since 2000 teams that swept their LCS are 0-5 in the World Series.
-The Houston Astros would be playing in their 3rd straight World Series if it they didn't lose four straight
ALCS games to the Boston Red Sox in 2018; the last three of which were played in Houston.
-Juan Soto turns 21 years old on October 25th. He has not been legally allowed to drink throughout the Nats postseason run.
-The Houston Astros were originally called The Houston Colt 45's from 1962-1964.
-The Washington Nationals were originally called the Montreal Expos from 1969-2004 and if it wasn't for the 1994 players strike they likely are still there today.
-Ryan Zimmerman is the first draft pick in Nationals history.
-AstroTurf was first introduced in 1964.
-As of 2019 the Washington Nationals do not have a playing surface named after them.
-Washington, D.C. has not hosted a World Series game since 1925.
-Bubble gum was invented in 1928 by Walter Diemer.
-Gerrit Cole has not lost a start since May 22nd, 2019 (his 11th start of the season)
-He's 3-0 with a 0.40 ERA in the playoffs and starting game one.
-The Nationals have 6 days rest since winning the NLCS; The Astros have 2.
-The first night World Series game wasn't played until 1971.
-In 1973 Yankee pitchers Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich traded families during Spring Training.
-Justin Verlander is 0-4 with a 5.67 ERA in 5 career World Series starts.
-The team with the worse regular season record is 25-24-1 in the last 50 World Series (2013 both teams were 97-65)
-Jose Altuve can walk until a coffee table
-Since 2000 wild card teams have won the World Series five times; 2002 Angels, 2003 Marlins, 2004 Red Sox, 2011 Cardinals, 2014 Giants.
-During the 2010's the New York Yankees went 0-4 in the ALCS and missed the World Series for entire decade for the first time since the 1910's.
-Houston's Justin Verlander, Washington's Max Scherzer and Anibal Sanchez were all members of the 2013 Detroit Tigers starting rotation.
-David Ortiz hit .688 in the 2013 World Series after the Boston Red Sox defeated the Detroit Tigers in the 2013 ALCS.
-Nationals player Gerrado Parra is one of only two players in MLB to wear #88 in 2019 (Indians pitcher Phil Maton is the other)
-And lastly this
On paper the Houston Astros should win this series in no less than five games. I mean they are a fucking juggernaut; Cole and Verlander are the closest thing we've seen to 2001 Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. 107 wins. 2017 World Series champs. Monster line-up. Multiple future Hall of Famers.
âThe Nationals do not have history on their side. Like I said in my baseball tidbit section not too long ago teams that swept their LCS are 0-5 in the World Series since 2000. When it comes to rest vs. rust it seems like anything over 3 days turns into rust. I also am a huge roulette guy so it could be time that this red turns black. I do think this Nats team is more 2014 Royals than 2007 Rockies, but this will be an uphill battle.
If you like starting pitching than this is the series for you. I for one am pumped to see the two teams with fantastic rotations still playing opposed to these bullpen teams. Shows baseball in October is still about the big horse and man oh man do these teams have horses. Max Scherzer technically has dogs; dogs with heterochromia iridum just like him. What a fucking stud. Anybody can pick the favorite. NATITUDE IS BACK BABY!!! WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR GROSS BULLPEN?!
NATS IN 7!!!!!!!
MVP: MAX SCHERZER