At work we listen to pretty much exclusively WEEI. Sometimes a little B101 or HJY, but they play the same 21 songs and it gets to be annoying. In a van where you're stuck with regular old FM radio and no aux the options aren't great, especially with WBRU gone (RIPIP).  I love Kirk and Callahan, fucking HATE Dale and Keefe (worst media personalities at WEEI) and can tolerate the OMF boys. They actually talk sports unlike the morning show, but I am not a Big O fan.  He's a fossil, he talks over people and manipulates their words, like you'll hear in my clip. 

The topic of discussion was Jackie Bradley, Jr and his recent struggles at the plate. I was listening in a parking lot and just couldn't take the besmirching of JBJ. I had to call in. I was shocked I got through on the first attempt. Btw since I called in to defend Jackie he's hitting a blazzing .231 (3-13) with a double, HR and 2 RBI. Talk about making the hits count. Classic power hitter numbers. His RBI double in the first of the game of the Mariners series was a hit that he needed desperately.

Obviously you want more out of him at the dish, Jackie has been a major disappointment this season offensively. He looks over matched, has a huge hole in his swing, and once you've got two strikes on him you might as well give him a K in your scorecard because it's ​imminent.

However, Jackie Bradley Jr. is also without question the most impressive defensive CF I've ever seen.

This is still probably the best defensive play I've seen live.

If he could just be like a .240 hitter this wouldn't be an issue.  My biggest issue with him offensively is that he can't sacrifice. When you struggle like he does you gotta be able to lay one down. ​

I still think he can add value with the runs he saves defensively. Great arm too. Shocked he only has 2 assists so far this season.  He's definitely struggled this year, as he's only hitting .184 which is abysmal but there are about 100 games left to turn it around, and the Red Sox lead the majors in wins so things seem to be ok. I'll say it again I don't really care what he's hitting if he's playing CF like that. 

I was making the argument that with this lineup you can live with Jackie hitting 9th if everybody else is carrying their weight. Until this last road trip my son Baby Beluga aka Rafael Devers was struggling mightily at the plate, and he is a liability in the field, but you don't hear a lot people trying to ship him out of town. Catcher is another position this team has gotten very little from offensively. 
​
Unlike when I shared this on my f book I have the clip to start pretty much when I come on. 

​Yes it's DOZ, Lou.

It's actually the 3rd time I've ever been on the air before. Once Dale and it might have been Salk at the time were talking about Boston fandom and I bashed the people who are Boston sports fans but then also like the Yankees/ Giants. You know, your people with no sense of loyalty or direction? How someone can be a Yankees and Patriots fan is beyond me? The other time was talking about Cam Newton and how the Panthers then (racist) owner didn't want him to have long hair, and I talked about how guys like Clay Matthews, and Troy Polamalu made that their trademark.

I wish I could've done a lot better. My point of getting rid of Jackie would mean you need to play JD Martinez everyday in the outfield wasn't really heard. You can hear me talk about losing their 2nd best hitter (Martinez) to injury when he would inevitably get hurt playing the field everyday as he's been as fragile as wet toilet paper throughout his career.

I was wicked fucking nervous before I went on the air, I didn't wanna sound like an idiot, which I don't think I did since they let me go on for nearly three minutes. I used Doz as my call in name for a variety of reasons. 1. to grow my #brand. I wanna call in to sports talk shows more to use it as an outlet to try to expose my takes, and knowledge. I say it constantly but ik I have what it takes to make it in this business, it's just about getting the opportunity. 
2. I was at work and didn't wanna use my government name and get in trouble for waiting on hold for 20 minutes to call a sports talk show when I was supposed to be working.

2 reasons aka a variety of reasons.

I wish I had used my time on hold to plan my thoughts better, but I was pretty nervous and also had to pee wicked bad so my head wasn't in the right spot. I did end up pissing behind a dumpster, but still had to worry about being seen. Plus I had no idea when I wad coming up. The producer asked me if I was still there about half way through the waiting but they don't like tell you "okay you're 3 callers away" or anything like that. I also was on speaker when I was on hold but took myself off speaker once I was on the air cause I know the fucks up their broadcast. It kinda sucked for me though because I couldn't hear too well which led to me being talked over and not really being on the same page at any point. Still not a bad call overall I think. No bias there obviously.

Even though the Big O twisted my words and cut me off constantly it was fucking awesome and exilerating to get onto the radio.  I kinda butchered my jab at Waino and Yadi in the 2013 World Series but the point I think is extremely valid. Stephen Drew fucking SUCKED at the plate in the 2013 postseason, however due to his great range and defensively abilities at shortstop they kept him in the game, I can vividly remember a play he made in game 6 of the ALCS (cause I was there NBD) against Miguel Cabrera who at the time was still the best hitter in baseball that ended an inning where it looked the Tigers were about to add to their score. Drew was an automatic out at the plate pretty much that postseason, but his defense made a huge difference and helped them win games. I believe JBJ can do the same in Boston. In the bottom half of the same inning Shane Victorino hit a grand slam that ultimately clinched the pennant for the Red Sox.

The one game they pinch hit for Drew that post season and left him off the field defensively this happened. Pedroia's unreal stop to cut down the man at home is one of the great forgotten defensive plays from his career. Salty and Middlebrooks blew this game although it kinda worked out.

The point remains. Obviously you want JBJ to give you more offensively. His WAR is currently 0.0 because of how bad he is at the plate. It's making a top defensive CF considered a replacement player basically. I still think Jackie can turn it around, he needs to stop being so stubborn and more receptive to coaching but I don't think he's a lost cause and since he's not eligible to be a free agent until 2021 I still want him in Boston for the foreseeable future.

RIP Jahseh Onfroy aka XXXTentacion.
January 23, 1998 – June 18, 2018

The rapper died unexpectedly in a shooting near Miami when shopping for motorcycles. News broke earlier this afternoon saying that he had been shot and had no pulse. It was only a matter of time. Statistically most deaths start with a lack of pulse. Dude was 20. It was pretty fucked up TMZ and other tabloid outlets were sharing video of his death body hunched over in his car. I don't get offended by much, but that shit is in horrible taste. No need for that, at least not this soon.

I don't know too much about his backstory but from the things I have read and heard from friends he DEFINITELY had a v checkered past. That being said it all happened when he was young.  The dude was only 20 years old.  Not making excuses for scumbag behavior, but I don't think he deserved to die. That's soooooo young with so much life to live.  Maybe he could've turned his shit around? Seems like he was trying to.

He accomplished so much professionally in an extremely short time frame. Regardless of your thoughts on his music or who he was as a person nobody deserves to get killed in cold blood when going shopping.  I'm really freaked out by this story just because the other day I was talking with a guy I work with about how there's been no major shootings in the rap game recently then this happens. That may not be entirely true bc I don't really follow rap that closely, to me it's like Tupac, Biggie, Big L, Jam Master Jay when thinking of major murders and even though he's only been around for a few years I'd say this a major rap murder, Sad peaked at #7 on the Top 40.

His music transcended genre which is what I found really appealing.  At first glance with the face tattoos and stupid hair I just assumed XXX's music was the same "Gucci Gang" type garbage that xanax rap is all about. I was wrong. The way I'd define his music is like emo rap. As a former pop punk/emo kid it was easy for me to identify with a lot of the issues he made music about.  He definitely talked about dying a lot, but I mean I think about death constantly, it doesn't mean I wanna die anytime soon. It's human nature I think to be fascinated by the unknown. What also was noteworthy about his music was the length of songs. Dude was making bangers that were like 84 seconds long where the lyrics don't even start until 1/3 of the way through the song. How that's possible idk?

Pretty sure this is the final thing he ever posted on social media. If not the last thing then very close to the last thing. Really eerie shit.

RIP

Song: Sad!
Artist: XXXtentacion
Album: ?

R.I.P. XXX

June 11th, 2010. That is the day I graduated high school. NHS class of 2010. It is also beloved Portuguese harpsichordist Carlos Seixas birthday. In 2010 it was Carlos 306th birthday. Happy Birthday Carlos.

I find myself saying with friends and family things like

"Oh my God I can't believe ______________________ was _____ years ago! It feels like it was only ___ years ago!"

That happens almost daily.  My life is just me trying to get to a bathroom in time and saying to my friends that after 26 years of life I still don't understand how the passage of time works.

Today that is the case with high school.  8 years ago I walked across that Ryan Center stage and got my high school diploma. Holy shit. It does not seem that long ago. That's two Presidential terms. Lebron James has been in the NBA Finals every years since I graduated high school, obviously I miss high school.

I'm not a person who is anti-high school. Au Contraire. That shouldn't be shocking considering I have an education degree. I personally had a ton of fun, and loved most of it. So many great memories. Would've been cool to have sex then but whatever I guess teachers were right saying that high school prepares you for the rest of life.

I know that not everybody feels the same. Whatever, that's fine if you didn't like high school. This blog isn't to talk about how popular I was in high school. Nobody cares about that. It doesn't matter that I was on homecoming AND prom court. Nobody cares that I had a shutout in lacrosse. Nobody cares that I invented the Mariner Maniac t-shirts that everybody wore to basketball games during NHS' 2008-09 Division II runner up campaign. These things don't matter.  This isn't to talk about high school.

​With today being my class' 8 year anniversary (which is the myspace anniversary) here are the top 8 things I wish I learned in high school and top 8 things I've learned post-high school. There are more things but you know, had to keep with the theme.

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8 Things I Wish I Learned In High School

​

1. How To Do My Taxes/How Taxes Work

I've said for years that high school should have a "life 101" class where somebody shows you how to do things that matter in life post-high school.  Taxes would be a whole quarter of the year. I have no idea how they work,  how tax brackets are decided, how to get out of paying taxes etc. I know there's programs you can use but I'm a fake adult and don't know who they work or what is the best and I'd really rather not read if I don't need to. I really wish they taught us how to do taxes in school. I could make the same tired ass, "another day has passed where I didn't use the Pythagorean theorem" joke but I won't do that. Instead, I'll say that my dad is doing my taxes whether he wants to or not until the day he dies.

​

2. How To Tie a Tie

How old I'll be when I successfully tie a tie for the first time
​
Fuck wearing ties, but I'll admit I should know how to do this. I'm well aware youtube which has existed since 2005 (aka the year before I started high school) and has plenty of tutorials but now I feel like it's just too late. After years of trying I still do not know how to tie a tie. It's like I've never used my hands before. I really think it's too late in my life now.  Nobody learns how to tie a tie at 26. My dad is very successful but also cannot really tie a tie so he's no help (sorry dad). I'm sure I'm not the only kid who's dad can't tie a tie or on a darker note didn't have a father. I feel like this could've all been avoided if on day one the principal had an assembly explaining to a room of 9th grade boys how to make a Windsor knot.

​

3. It's Important To Save Money Early

17 year old Ryan didn't wanna hear that shit. Too busy throwing down $5 towards a blunt every Saturday (nbd) to open up an IRA. Man do I wish I started earlier. Thinking about all the years of missed compound interest makes me so sad. What an evener sadder lame old man sentence.

​

4. You Don't Have To Go To College

I'm glad I went to college, had a good time, learned some shit, got a piece of paper, but I had literally no idea trades were even a thing in high school. Teachers never even brought them up. Would've been cool to know that back in the day. Just to have the option. It's like when you're RSVPing for a wedding and the options are steak, fish or vegetarian. Obviously you're gonna go steak, but it's nice to know you don't have to if you don't want to.  My school made it seem like you were gonna work at McDonald's your whole life if you didn't go to college. Plumbers are out here making 100K driving 60K trucks.

​

5. How To Interview/Network

 Job interviews and dates are basically the same thing. Both things I'm horrible at because I get extremely awkward and have no self confidence.  I still really only know what networking is because of the term social networking but still am not 100% sure.  I know Schmidt mentions it a lot on New Girl. Guess I should've said "mentioned" :(

Teach me how to talk and be social in front of people I'm not comfortable around. I'm so fucking interesting I just don't know how to get started or read people. Help me get the ball rolling.

​I'm just trying to elevate small talk to medium talk. 

6. How To Cook/ Do Basic Car/House Stuff

I understand a lot of these also fall onto the parent, but guess what? A lot of kids in high school don't want to be spending any extra time with their parents then they already need to. Also some people's parents don't cook/exist. Schools are cutting budgets with elective classes like home-ec and shop and it's a really bad idea. Those classes teach you things way more valuable than a lot of the content in core classes. I don't need to know how Punnett Squares work, but knowing how to cook to impress a girl/survive wouldn't suck. If I could cook I'd probably weigh 180 with a hot wife instead of getting take out for every meal. Thanks a lot high school.

Also knowing how to fix things saves you soooo much money. My dad has tried to teach me over the years and only in like the last 4 have I actually given a shit since now I realize how expensive life is. It's just more stuff my parents tried to teach me growing up that I just didn't care about because I was young and stupid.  Even though I really only cared about grades so my parents would leave me alone so I put in about 80% effort, hence the 85's on my report card. Had I been forced to know basic car stuff and how to fix things around the house in school in order to pass classes who knows how handy I could be today? ​

7. How Insurance Works

This one isn't as important because I just know I need to pay it and that's I guess where it ends. I know that you pay people as Chris Rock says "in case shit" happens. That's really where my knowledge on the subject ends. What is universal healthcare and why do people want it so badly? What are premiums? Insurance companies have insurance policies on themselves so how the fuck does that work?
​

8. How To Deal With Adversity

Yeah heartbreaking losses throughout high school sports helped, but I mean real adversity. How do I handle real life issues?

​What do you do when you lose a loved one? What happens when you lose your net worth on a sports bet? What do you do when your hook up with your best friend's girlfriend? How do last in Nashville for more than 7 weeks before quitting your job and coming home/ How do you not let your emotions get the best of you and binge eat 5000 calories a day? How do you pass a class when you get a zero on a paper that you actually handed in?  Why did Bush knock down the towers?  Just some sort of class that teaches you how to make smart decisions in tough situations would be way more beneficial for students than another year of a foreign language that they'll forget every word of immediately after the final or geometry imo. 

8 Things I've Learned Since High School.

1. Nobody Cares About Your Fantasy Football Team

We all play, it's a lot of fun with your buddies but I promise you nobody outside of your body gives a shit that you drafted Julian Edelman in the 13th round in 2013. 

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2. Ryan Dunn Is Dead

Class mix up. Summer 2011 never forget. #prayinghandsemoji

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3. Facebook is the Best Social Media

I'm far more active on twitter and IG but facebook is hands down the best social media. You don't have to be active to appreciate it. When I graduated HS it was really just facebook and twitter was starting to just take off but make no mistake facebook is the best. Facebook is where you likely have the most friends/followers and where you can see all the shit the people you went to high school with are up to. I don't follow the random weirdo from two years ahead of me, but you best believe I'm friends with him on facebook and saw that horrible tattoo AND name choice for his daughter. The breakdowns, the fights, all the juicy good shit is on f book. Sure you can see scantaly clad co-eds on insta but there's this thing on your phone called an internet browser. For social media give me f book. It makes for the best screenshots to your friends asking if they've seen this shit?

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4. Being Alive is Expensive AF

I used to think $50,000 was soooo much money hahahahahha. Now I understand how pro athletes go broke. When you have bills and also want to enjoy life you realize how much money it costs to not be dead. Bright side when you die you get to leave about 10 thousand bucks to your family just to deal with the disposal of your body!

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5. Friends Come And Go

A little serious note. Over years people drift apart and you lose contact. You'd think with all the technology that wouldn't happen, but a lot of the times it's v intentional although than are a handful of people that I've lost touch with who I'd totally be friends with again. I feel like you lose about a friend a year. You realize you were only "friends" with someone because you saw them 180 days a year. The older you get your circle gets tighter as you get busier and there's less time for the people you don't truly connect with.  I guuuess some people do make friends after high school!???! I wouldn't really know.

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6. People Age Differently 

This means a multitude of things, sure some people age more gracefully than others, and as a man with well documented weight struggles I'm not about to start shitting on anybody. What I'm talking about here is like aging from adolescents to true adulthood. To me true adulthood is being on your own, completely independent financially. I have friends who are my age making close to minimum wage. I'm 26 and still don't feel like a real adult. I'm a temp live in apartment with my mom. Not exactly crushing it. One of my best friends is getting married in like 3 weeks. Everybody is different.

I used to (and still do) compare myself to others and get down and be like man look at where I am rn. But it's a marathon not a sprint. You might've taken 7 years to get a bachelor's degree, but that doesn't mean you can't be more successful than the girl who graduated early. Just cause you haven't found love yet doesn't mean you're gonna die alone (although the clock is ticking). We all blossom at our own pace. Obviously you don't wanna fall too far behind, but man we (hopefully) have a lot of time left. A lot can change, stop worrying about others so much and worry about you.  I really should take my own advice.

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7. Tom Brady is the Greatest Football Player of All Time

In 2010 there was still some serious debate. Peyton Manning had just won the AFC and was league MVP.  Tom Brady suffered his first career home playoff loss. How things have changed! Now we all know Brady is the goat. Since I graduated HS in 2010 the Patriots have had a first round bye every season, appeared in four Super Bowls and won two. Not bad. 

8. Memes Will Take Over Your Life

Look through who I follow on insta. It's 20 random hot chicks, a few friends, some bands I like, then 900 meme accounts. I wish this was a joke. These aren't even good memes. I just typed in meme on instagram (much worse non-phone format) and clicked on random memes from accounts I follow with the word meme in their name. I am memes. 

This happened over the weekend and it still blows my mind. I've been watching baseball for 15+ years and I've never seen this before. Nothing has blow my mind quite like this since when I first found out that Nutella was invented by accident.  I was shocked.  You’d think something so good was designed on purpose but nope! Due to coco rationing during and shortly after WW2 an Italian baker used hazelnuts to make chocolate rations last longer (seriously look it up). 


Much like Nutella what you’re about to see is pretty sweet and goes great with pretzels. 

This gentlemen (named Bill) at an Oakland A’s game over the weekend caught foul balls on BACK TO BACK pitches like he's on the cover of Lethal Weapon.

No lie, I’ve never been so impressed in my life. Not by the athleticism, but just by the pure happenstance. How tf does that happen??

Maybe impressed isn't the right word, perhaps amazed? It’s just like the ultimate trick shot, except all parties involved weren't trying to accomplish what took place.  That's what makes it so crazy. What are the odds of this happening on back to back pitches? (we'll get to that)

Think of all the factors that went into the equation that ended with this guy catching a foul ball. The pitch has to hit into foul territory by the batter (Sean Pinder) which is no guarantee. I mean look at Jackie Bradley, Jr. that dude can't foul off a single pitch with two strikes. Plus there's literally millions of outcomes of where the balls could've landed, but it ended up in Bill's hand. Then it happened again just moments later,  on back to back pitches in case you're just jumping into the blog here.

Sean Pinder hit baseballs to essentially the exact same location on back to back swings. Seriously think about that. In batting practice where guys know what's coming they can't put the ball in the same spot twice (usually). The batter had to foul off back to back pitches to the exact same spot in a monstrous stadium. It's not like this happened Cleveland.  This is the Coliseum.  I know Oakland isn't exactly selling out every game so there's less people to fight over foul balls with, but Oakland also has the most foul territory in the bigs (and it's not even close) that makes it even more unbelievable.  Foul balls usually stay in play in the dump by the bay. (sweet rhyme by me) It’s not like that’s what he’s trying to do either. Homie wants a hit, not for some rando to go viral on IG.

Whether you’re against grown adults bringing gloves to games or not (this guy caught them raw dog) I feel like most people can agree that catching a foul ball is one of the cooler things you can do as a fan in any sporting event. Idk what's even the comparison in other sports? A loose puck could legit kill you (so could a baseball but whatever).

What’s better? Catching a home run?

Maaaybe if you’re a female/gay dude getting a kiss from a player in a World Series celebration situation like Dee wanted with Ryan Howard is better?

Regardless, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. (catch a foul ball, not kiss a player...unless we're talking Daniel Nava or Kevin Youkilis) I’ve dreamt about being the guy who catches a foul ball at Fenway in his $12 bud light stacked on 7 empty cups/badges of honor for how much I’ve already drank/spent, then chugs the beer with the ball in it and go viral for 17 minutes. I think that'd be swell.


As a diehard baseball fan who’s been to around 40 games in my life I’ve never been able to catch a foul ball. Did catch two koosh-balls at Rosie o Donnell thoooooo. Sadly still no foul balls.

The closest I ever came was actually my first MLB game.  It was August, 2nd 2004. The Red Sox had just traded Nomar just a few days before and a 12 year old Ryan not yet Dozah My-government name was in St. Pete watching the Red Sox play the Devil Rays. Tim Wakefield started (on his birthday) and won for the Sox. At some point during that game I  tried to jump up and catch a foul ball.

Unfortunately 12 year old Dozo landed on his mom’s exposed toes causing severe pain and possible broken bones. However, in my defense (almost 14 years later) I warned her beforehand that it’s a bad idea to wear flip flops to a baseball game for this exact reason. "What if there's a foul ball mom?".  Lesson learned. Sometimes pain in this best teacher. Due to MLB pussying out and adding protective netting to protect inattentive fans I’m worried that I’ll never catch one. Luckily up in the 300 levels at o.co whatever the fuck they’re calling that dump now collisiem that wasn’t an issue and didn’t stop this guy.

All things considered I feel like this has to be one of the “luckiest” things in all of life. Statistically I feel like the odds of this has to be less than winning the Powerball which are currently 1 in 175,000,000. Idk if this is how you figure it out but I just multiplied 47,170 by 47,170 (the current capacity of Oakland Coliseum) to represent all the possibilities of seats for foul balls to land. Since it'd be 1 in 47,170 for a ball to land in your seat and it happened twice I multiplied them together. The logic makes sense in my head. This doesn’t even factor the chance of not hitting a foul ball. I got 2,225,008,900. So the odds of this happening are 1 in 2,225,008,900. Makes your odds of winning the Powerball look like the odds of having your favorite number (under 36) hit in roulette. ​ What an awesome, weird baseball moment.

Song: Debra
Artist: Beck
Album: Midnite Vultures

My musical taste is something I take great pride in. When I think about how people would describe me to someone who's never had the displeasure of coming across me I'd hope they say something like "he's a nice, funny guy, really smart, loves sports and music, wicked knowledgeable fan, handsome too despite a see-saw battle with weight his entire life".   Something like that.

​I've said it ad nauseam this point, I love alt-rock and pop-punk but there's a lot more to my taste than just that. I can appreciate so many different types of music. I can go from Fleetwood Mac to Avenged Sevenfold w/o skipping a beat. 

I enjoy recommending stuff I like to people in hopes of spreading that shit like a missionary. But instead of spreading the lies of religion I spread the genius of Kevin Parker.  I like finding out what to listen to from people's who's opinions I value even more. Talking music is one of my favorite things to do in life and my go to conversation starter on tinder if I see a band in our mutual likes.  So as I say all that I understand what I'm gonna say may negate that, but if I can do my (free) job I'll change your mind.



I've been listening to Milli Vanilli....a lot. For like the last two weeks. I can't stop. I'm listening to them as I type this sentence. I don't know how it started but all I know is I'm stuck in a Mill Vanilli tornado and idk if I'll ever get out. The music is too catchy to quit. Idc who's responsible for it.  Those beats are fire, the vocals are great, sure the lyrics are pretty fucking simple "I'm in love with you girl cause you're on my mind" and at times make no sense but idc. If society can try to eliminate gender then I should be allowed to be a 30 year fake R&B duo's biggest fan. If you can be fa'afafine then I can listen to exclusively Milli Vanilli. Not only does Milli Vanilli " 's" music fucking bang, but they also should be given their Grammy back. 

Any awards who picks Jethro Tull for best Hard Rock/Metal Performance over Metallica is null and void as far as I'm concerned. This same organization has given awards to The Chainsmokers and Skrillex but not the Bob Marley or Led Zeppelin. Plus they were just ahead of their time. Had auto-tune existed in 1988 this never would've happened. Fab can actually sing too.

I don't care that they were lip-syncing. The music they were lip-syncing was fantastic. Just listen to it and try to say it's not at the very least infectious.

Plus after some senior thesis type research I can assure you that lip-syncing was not their idea, they actually were victims! I don't expect many (if anybody) to watch this entire clip but this explains a lot of what they went through. Surviving member Fab Morvan sat down with VLADTV and gave nearly 2 hours of insight into the rise and fall of Milli Vanilli. Basically they were a French and German dude who got taken advantage of by a producer. 

I do this with music, much like with eating, I'll binge one thing I really like for about 3 weeks before moving on to another artists.  I've done this with a bunch of bands the last few years: I had an Eagles phase for like the entire 2016 summer, I had a stint where all I listened to was Huey Lewis and the News last year. When I first found out about Big L in high school it was all I listened to for months. Currently that is happening with Milli Vanilli. I'm like a heroin addict. All I can think about is my next score, or in this case when am I going to listen to Milli Vanilli next? When I'm at work and the guy I'm riding with gets out of the van to smoke a cigarette I'll play a song during the break where I'm alone for a couple minutes. I changed a group chat I'm in to "Girl You Know It's True", I've said "Blame It On The Rain" in conversation multiple times this week. I'm becoming a problem.

What makes this more embarrassing than some of my other guilty pleasure spurts is that Milli Vanilli is probably the most infamous act in music history with their whole lip syncing scandal.  It's not even a real band. I remember the first time I ever heard the story, it was on one of those old VH1 countdown shows. I wanna say the most shocking moments in rock history and the Milli Vanilli scandal was #7. I saw that when I was like 11 and it's always stuck with me. You best believe I've been doing academic research on Milli Vanilli and watched a 100 minute Fab Morvan interview yesterday explaining his side of the story. The whole scandal is like my new Jonestown where I'm just obsessed with learning every detail and wish I was alive for when it happened. Could you imagine if a scandal like this happened in music today with social media? It'd be the biggest joke on twitter for months. It took crying Jordan 2 years to die and people are still not giving up. 

I don't even remember how it started, but all I know is after two-ish weeks I've listened to "Girl You Know It's True",  "Baby Don't Forget My Number" and "Blame It On The Rain" legitimately 50 times each. Thank God youtube doesn't tell you how many times you've watched a video because like a checking your bank account after a wild weekend, I don't wanna know. 

But there's a reason it was such a big deal when the scandal broke because they were the biggest act in music. Their album went 6x platinum and produced FIVE top 5 hits; three of which went to #1. The music is fire, and in a way I think the whole scandal of having attractive people "sell" the image is why they got so huge because the actual band who made their music tried to tour after they were caught and were unsuccessful despite being a band who's music created three chart toppers and a #2 single. 
 
If you wanna make fun of the whole ordeal, the hair, the horrible dancing, go for it. I'll admit rewatching the videos is hilarious. You can really tell in their first video "Girl You Know It's True" that these guys are not legit performers by how Fab carries himself. This is so bad it makes me wonder if they even took a 2nd take? Such an easy move to nail and it looks horrible. One take!

The snare drum stomping is my favorite. The cut to both of them immediately after it is a close second. 

You probably didn't even notice the dancing because you were too distracted by the music. Obviously I understand completely, I'm writing an entire blog on how good the bad music actually was for God's sake.

If I'm power ranking my favorite MV songs. 

​1. Baby Don't Forget My Number

2. Blame It On The Rain

3. Girl You Know It's True

Idc who you are if you can't get down to these songs you're the one who's wrong. Sure 30 years later they still may be a joke to some, but guess what Rob (RIP) and Fab? At Doz On Life you'll always have a fan.

You'd have to be,,,,,, 

A Psycho to think that was a good idea.



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Like yeah bro.... it's relatable,  I'm always tired too but 

what. 

the. 

fuck?


WHO HURT YOU AUSTIN!???
(apparently her!)

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I just don't get it man. Why would you keep doing this to yourself? 

Does Posty have nobody in his life who loves him enough to tell him to stop literally ruining his face with horrible tattoos?

Does he not have parents?

I know all these rappers have a ton of money (for now) so the idea of having any ounce of normalcy doesn't really exist in the here and now mindset. They are also living a completely different life from me so I understand we don't exactly line up mentally. We don't have the same ideals on life, but of all the face tat rappers Post Malone actually seems like an intelligent guy, he's crazy talented. He could totally cross over and have a 20+ year career just making music in general. His rock stuff bangs.

All these stupid tats like make me like him less. I'm 26, so basically 30 years old. I'm a grown ass fake adult, I don't need this gimmicky face tat shit in my musicians. How can you take someone who does this shit seriously? imo Posty is above that musically. His music shits on the other face tat dudes. 

It's not like he's out here doing Gucci Gang type shit or trying to get recognized so he needs some crazy face tat to get his name out there. Everybody who knows music rn knows Post Malone. B&B is one of if not the most successful albums of 2018. Why would anybody want to destroy their face like this? I'll never understand. It's not like he was Brad Pitt before, but still.  I know most face-tat rappers will die well before old age so you don't have to worry about what they'll look like at 55, but seriously what the fuck? 

I actually like Post Malone, a lot infact. Beerbongs & Bentleys is really good. I think he's wicked talented and of all the idiots with face tattoos has by far the best music. That's where the compliments end. You get one face, and sure you're rich and famous so girls still somehow wanna fuck you because your bank account is cute af but seriously I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the idea of getting a face tattoo. There's so many steps that have to happen before you get one and not once along the way you say no? I guess once you have barbed-wire around the crown of your head (dangerous game with the risk male pattern baldness) does a little cursive really hurt anybody?


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P.S. Would you get the same face tats as Post Malone if it meant you got to have the same bank account? Currently worth 8 million.

Double P.S. craziest fact about Post Malone is that he's only 22. Dude looks 45. 

This story broke a few hours ago and is already getting all the Patriot haters out from hiding a little earlier than scheduled, here is my official stance:

It wouldn't shock me at all if Jules took a banned substance. It's football. Everybody is on something. Plus it's not like baseball, people don't really care. Other than Patriots nobody really cares from a national standpoint. Like does anybody in Minneapolis know/care Thomas Davis of the Panthers is suspended for PEDs too?

Coming back from a torn ACL at 32 no sure thing so I'd bet he's doing whatever it takes to get back on the field. Maybe that means a little HGH? Who can really say?

What I just don't understand is why this is news yet? Yes, I understand a Patriot getting in trouble will create clicks and buzz which is all media companies care about but when has a player getting caught with PEDs ever been broken like this? I could be wrong but I feel like every time a player is busted with steroids its after the fact when we know it to be true and the suspension is official. Maybe it's a done deal and they just wanna be the first with the story? idk. But personally, obviously as a Patriots I'm biased but I think for any athlete in the future this is kind of fucking bull shit. What happened to innocent before proven guilty? That just doesn't exist anymore in America. Let's say some how he gets cleared (which I don't expect to happen)...people will still think of him as a juicer bc of this story. Not fair! It's like sexual assault, if you get accused (for juicing) even if you're proven innocent that shit will stick with you for the rest of your life like pissing your pants in middle school.

Just when it seems like things are getting back to normal at One Patriot Place as Brady and Gronk show up for mini-camp or whatever they call this session past voluntary shit this happens. Personally as much as I love Jules I think everything will be fine. They can survive four weeks without him. Berrios time. baby.

If I'm not mistaken the offense seemed to be pretty decent last year w/o him. Honestly coming off a knee injury at this age four games off to start the season might not be the worst thing. Don't have to worry about the PUP list.  More time to rehab and not use a roster spot. Belichick you did it again you son of a bitch. See you in NOLA.

Song: Baby Don't Forget My Number
Artist: Milli Vanilli
Album: All or Nothing

greatest song of all time? probably, yes.