Ya Boiii Is Gonna Be on the Barstool Sports Program "Social Distancing: The Game Show" Tonight @ 7:30 PM!
You really never know what's going to happen in life during the big C (or in regular life, but whatever). One minute you're freaking out at your email because the photos of a tinder exit interview aren't sending and the next you're seeing an email from Super Producer BC that you've been selected for the Wednesday night episode of "Social Distancing: The Game Show".
If you're reading this and are like "Yo Dozo, wtf are you talking about my guy?" I'll Craig David you rn!
Basically KFC and Feitelberg of Barstool Sports dot com (ever heard of it?) created a virtual game show during Social Distancing called Social Distancing: The Game Show. I can only begin to imagine how much some big-wig ad agency charged for that one. But in all seriousness the show is for an awesome cause and the title hits the nail on the head. People's donations are going directly to help health care workers during the Pandemic. When I saw this idea a few weeks back it was a no brainer. My donation gets me a chance to compete on a Barstool show AND I get the ego boost* of helping out others? Where do I sign?
I received an email yesterday (4/29/30) at 4:11 pm inviting me to be on the show for 7:30. I didn't see it until like 6:50 because my email was all on the fritz while I was building the Tinder blog. Ya Boi was getting wicked frustrated that the pictures from my phone weren't sending to my email. I tried every way possible and was still getting nothing. I feel like there's probably a more 2020 way to do this that I don't know about...Anyways.... I was able to get in contact with BC and luckily was able to get on the show tonight. Had I been on last night I think I would've won because I knew two of the three legit minutes before the contestants figured it out, but as most moms say "everything happens for a reason".
So tonight at 7:30 PM (EST) I will be facing off against presumably another human-being in a random game of chance for some Barstool merch, but most importantly 15 seconds of fame. If you've seen Waco, you know how important it is to nail these opportunities. This is my chance to get some serious eyeballs on DOL and what I'm all about. I've watched a handful of episodes; the events are usually different. I'll be watching tape to prepare up until showtime. For my sake I hope it's nothing speed related. Trivia is my wheelhouse. Doing my best to not have a panic attack. Wish me luck!
YOU CAN WATCH ON BARSTOOLSPORTS.COM OR YOUTUBE.COM TONIGHT (APRIL 30th) AT 7:30 PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME
Since I did some drinking Sunday I was not 100% certain of my actions that particular evening. Amongst the chaos of notifications that I woke up Monday afternoon was five snapchat noties; three were run of the mill snaps from two different people (NBD). The other two were from that bull-shit double notification you get when someone's snap-texting you.
Once I unlocked my phone and saw the name of a young lady from tinder (on the typed message) my heart sank like a 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88. I did only what was natural: I avoided the snap. It was easy to assume I said/did something embarrassing under the influence of Budweiser Light and I just wasn't ready to face the music yet.
After a little more investigating of my night, I realized I had nothing to be nervous about. I thanked the Lord above that there were no drunk texts to the wrong people or pig in a blanket photos sent. LOL JK I'm #cut. All I did was send a picture of my thrown up Taco Bell. Safe to say, I dodged a bullet.
When I finally did open up that snap, I got something I simply never anticipated waking up to; a survey.
Not just any survey. This was an "I Used to Like You" survey from a chick I talked on Tinder before the Big C took over the world. You, know? The same survey we all get at least twice a year.
Our story began when I shared a blog about me nearly shitting my pants as a last-ditch effort to gain her attention after my previous attempts at courtship went unrequited.
After this, it was a month or so of snaps and texting. We were unable to ever find a set time to hang out and before you knew it; the Big C put out this and all other currently-lit tinder flames.
I wasn't going to waste my time talking to three different tinder girls when I knew nothing was going to happen during a goTTT damn pandemic. I have much bigger things to worry about (bed sores, getting hired by barstool, not gaining 50 lbs during quarantine) than girls I'll never meet. Not to flex, but I caught some nudies. It's something we've all done before. WHO CARES?! I just got a couple tit-shots. I didn't invent a way to smoke without Scooby Snacks (although I'm close) or anything.
You couldn't even play a game of half court hoops with my stat-sheet of sexual partners, but virtually I'm Wilt Chamberlain. If people worshiped men who've had countless meaningless conversations with girls ages 21 (sometimes 18) to 58 within 50 miles of their current location there would be a Church of Dozo in every major U.S. city. I've talked to dead ass HUNDREDS of chicks from anywhere of 5 minutes to like 13 weeks without ever getting any skin-to-skin contact; you would've thought I was practicing social distancing in 2016.
As I sabotage any chances I may have had with this actually very nice girl; in the name of comedy..... let's take a look at this fuckin' survey and legitimate submitted answers I submitted. The first run is just a read through.
Now let's check the coaches tape.
No government names. Pretty straight forward here.
As I put on my psychoanalysis hat I can't help but be turned off my the spacing here. It annoyed me. A few months, then the next option is 1-2 years? So what if you've known this chick for 10 months? If someone asks you to do a few favors and comes back with a list of 10 things you're punching them in the fucking face. S/O my best blog of 2020 for allowing this blog to even happen. #butterflyeffect
The five saved photos to our snap conversation and you straight up telling me makes it pretty clear ;)
I don't want to say I didn't, because I def was digging this chick and actually wanted to go on a date...but if I was to take truth serum, the main reason of this and all tinder conversations is meaningless sex to pad my stats before I settle down and am faithful to my future wife unless she's cool with having an open thing (which I would happily embrace). I've learned from my mistakes of falling for a girl before I even tried her on for size.
I mean you were talking to me. You know you aren't Christina Hendricks.
Who else has the balls to just not answer the question? This is what you call playing games/ I didn't wanna be crass on a family site.
Solid vibes, but an exit interview doesn't exactly get my dick hard. (Sorry you read that mom)
Semi-awkward to say the least, but makes for good content. It's not as awkward as when one of the other tinder girls I was talking to at the same time as this one was at the Bounce House this chick works at. I feel like I could've worded that better, but you get the point. Wild day on my snap stories! I felt like the protagonist of the most epic beat-box of all time.
This blog should've taken me 45 minutes, but in reality we're looking at about 8 hours since I typed my first letter lolol. #HireDozo #Stilldowntosmash
I started this blog late Monday night then got side tracked with my Week 7 Madden League game (28-7 win).
Boy does time go quickly during rona life. Since Monday night I also played my Week 8 game and managed to have a minor mental breakdown :)
Luckily, "Time (You and I)" a piece of beautiful, funky, love by Khruangbin came out Monday. If you actually watch this video...like don't just listen to the music in the background while swiping right....watch this shit. It'll turn that frown upside down!
I know it's easy to get in a dark spot during these times blah, blah, blah...but I promise you (unless like your mom just died, or you lost your house) regardless if you just blew a winnable game or are getting fucked by the unemployment office it's impossible to not smile and be happy while this is playing.
Man I love this band and am soooooooooo happy that ZZ and other half of the bottoms introduced me to them. Khraungbin has become my go to "just chill out, man" music and considering how fucking stressed ya boi is rn (along with many other people) I listen to them all the fucking time. Laura Lee's voice could stop a war (and I'm medium key in love with her). Then you mix in Mark's riffs and D.J.'s beats...dude these guys are incredible. âI love their instrumental jams, but I can totally get behind this too. Almost makes me want to build a sandcastle.
Tbh this is a 4/10 blog.
Yesterday, while praising Miley Cyrus I paid homage to Alien Ant Farm and the great influence they had on my development as a music fan. My memories of childhood are hazy at best, but 4th grade holds a lot of weight in my brain. That year is my line of demarcation in life of being able to recall nearly all events. Now that's a glass half full outlook on 9/11 if I've ever seen one.
That 2001-2002 school year also included many other important moments in my development like:
When I posed the question "Was Alien Ant Farm a Victim of its Initial Success?" as the title of this blog it felt a little too academic for my liking, but I'm asking that based on a theory I've had since my early days of learning about One Hit Wonders (also in 4th grade).
Essentially it's the idea of it being difficult to follow up a gigantic first single. It's not impossible (or a super original thought), but it's much easier to follow up this type of success when you're already somewhat established in the music biz. Like if "Use Somebody" was Kings of Leon's first song would they have been One Hit Wonders?
I'm not the first person to think of this and I won't be the last.....but, in the case of One Hit Wonders or One Hit Wonder-adjacent artists; My brain-based research says those whose first hit falls into the novelty category have a the harder time following up it up than "regular" songs. I'd say a cover of Michael Jackson with constant references to him throughout the video falls into the novelty category.
I can first recall this with songs like "Mambo No. 5" and "Who Let the Dogs Out?". Even at an early age, I knew these were unlike anything else I've ever heard before. They were not The Backstreet Boys.
That same-ish logic is why in my late 20's I thought Lil Nas X was destined to join the likes of one hit wonderdum, but he did something I thought others should have been doing for generations; ride the wave of the lead singles' success. I'm not always right in my predictions. In high school I thought Katy Perry would be a One Hit Wonder after "I Kissed a Girl". Same with Ke$ha and "Don't Stop". I can still hang my hat on "Somebody That I Used to Know".
Between being perhaps the most famous cross-genre cover of all time AND the epic music video that accompanied it; it's clear the Alien Ant Farm struck gold (literally) with their debut single Smooth Criminal. It even made the Top 40 peaking at #21. But I mean how tf do you follow up this?
Those type of special FX will stick with you; especially when you weren't allowed to play violent video games. I already used the word mesmerized once in this post, but I cannot think of a better word without the help of a thesaurus that better describes the effects of the Smooth Criminal video on me as a 4th grade boy. I LOVED this song and frankly still do to this day. To their credit AAF (I always thought they should've had some affiliation with that league) followed up "Smooth Criminal" with another awesome video for their song "Movies".
Stumbling across that video on Youtube, semi-cross faded yesterday while waiting for the Last Dance may have been what truly inspired this whole post. I mean it's a valid question... Was Smooth Criminal too fucking awesome that it just caused people to assume AAF would be One Hit Wonders and not give them the time of day? Cause I'll tell you guys, "Movies" is a certified hit piece. It should've been more successful on its on merit.
I've always felt badly for artists whose biggest hit is a cover. That's an awfully complex legacy to have. I know it would fuck with my head. At least to AAF's credit they had success after "Smooth Criminal". They aren't the fucking Ataris. Despite peaking at #18 on the alternative charts "Movies" actually stayed on the charts five weeks longer than "Smooth Criminal". (h/t)
"Movies" was actually released before "Smooth Criminal", but after was re-shot after its success. It even features a cameo from Mr. Miyagi himself; Noriyuki "Pat" Morita.
In a video that has references to Ghostbusters, Willy Wonka, Karate Kid and Edward Scissorhands I'd say AAF did a solid job following up the cross-over hit that was "Smooth Criminal" and all the cool MJ stuff that I just showed a few scrolls ago in GIF form.
After "Movies", Alien Ant Farm's last notable video was "These Days" from their 2003 follow up album Truant. I don't want to speak for most people, but I feel safe in saying the These Days video has been forgotten by the masses with less than 8 million views in a decade. That's an absolute shame because it was performed atop the Hollywood Masonic Temple at the 2003 BET Awards. It should be in the daily consciousness of all human beings. If this happened in 2013 it'd be the positive-inverse in pop culture history of Kanye stealing Taylor Swift's shine at the 09 VMAs.
I think that about does it. Another weird, rainy day blog during quarantine. Do me a favor and please vote in this poll.
James Develin announced today that he is retiring from the NFL. The 2nd team Fullback of the 2010s NFL All-Dozo/All-Decade team is calling it quits after 10 NFL seasons; 8 with the Patriots (including every regular and post season game of his career). Not bad for an undrafted D-end out of Brown.
TBH at first before I read the whole thing, I scrolled to the end and saw "...and I didn't hear no bell". I was like "oh sick another Patriot announcing he's going to another team" but then a split second later logic set in.... James Develin is a fullback and just missed nearly an entire season; this is a retirement post. (Plus I actually read the post) Mid-blog PS; interesting to see an Ivy League Grad to use a double-negative. #fuckrules
James Develin was one of the most underappreciated members of the second-leg of the double dynasty. As the Pats starting fullback from 2013-2019 Develin won three Super Bowls and played in a 4th. Injuries cost James his entire 2015 season and the majority of 2019, so if you wanna do some simple math...the Patriots made the Super Bowl 80% of the seasons Develin made 16 starts....including four straight from 2014; 2016-2018. There had been talks of who was really more important... Edelman or Gronk? amongst Patriot fans since both ended up missing significant time and entire Super Bowl runs during the double-dynasty, but it looks like the fuuuullllllllbaaaaccckkk might've been the most valuable after that stat.
As a writer I loved the "something I know a little about" line. I'm a sucker for dads being soft. Congrats on a great career, James. Stinks it ended this way, but that's the nature of the beast. It seems like you have your health for the most part; enjoy retirement with your family. I'm sure if you need a job CSN Boston will let you wear a polo in the pre-season.
You ever get down in a really dark place and just dwell on how differently your life would've played out if you had stuck to something?
For me that's music. It's like my 3rd favorite thing about being alive and I think about how good I'd be now had I stuck with it (instead of trying again) all the fucking time. I was in the Jazz Band in Middle School pre-four middle schools in four years and could even read sheet music for a minute. Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge, my dude.
As I type this in my room that has both a broken acoustic guitar and bass that I cannot play a lick on... I think to myself; today could be the day, before finding another excuse to not stick with it, but GoTTT damn I think I found my inspo on twitter dot com this morning. Check this kid out!
WHAaaT? I was blown away....and also a little apprehensive that this was fake since I'm up much earlier than normal and my eyes haven't adjusted yet.
Upon further research, this little dude is VERY real. His name is Aron and he's nine years old. Apparently he's been in the internet mix since he was at least 7. He posted this in August of 2018; just weeks before Mac Miller's untimely passing in September.
Can you buy stock in a prepubescent boy? Because that's where I'd like to invest my Trump bucks. Aron is going to be a star. I'm already convinced he's going to catch BODIES when the time is right in about four years.
I mean look at this little man go. He's got heart and soul like T'Pau, bass-face for days like a young Este Haim.
I've never been so jealous of somebody less than 1/3 of my age before. Dude has over a quarter-million IG followers before hitting double digits in life. #NOTBAD. And these aren't just run of the mill nobodies following this kid.
I am just in awe. So much talent. I could watch this shit all day. Let's hope Aron doesn't start living the Rock n Roll lifestyle until high school would start because we know this dude isn't going to some regular-ass high school. Probably like a semester or two at some elite performing arts high school before opening for Thundercat at 15.
Ya boiii is a huge fan of cross-genre covers. I simply cannot get enough of them. I love seeing artists pay respect to other artists that you may not have assumed they fuck with. That's the beautiful thing about art. BIG S/O to all the artists who stay breaking down preconceived notions or stereotypes in your mind. If the internet has shown us anything... It's that people combine things that you'd say don't make sense all the time. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes you don't even know the song you're listening to is a cover. Telling your kids a song is actually a cover is like the 8th most important job of parents. I remember my mom told me in 4th grade that Alien Ant Farm didn't write Smooth Criminal and I did not believe her until I heard so myself. I think that's probably my first experience with cross-genre covers; at least that I can recall half baked on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I feel like on average... I learn a song is actually a cover... mhmm.. let's call it once every three weeks. That doesn't have too much to do with this song, but I just wanted to share. (That BLEW my mind)
What does have to do with this song is this: I don't really listen to much of Miley Cyrus' stuff. Her lasting image in my mind for a long time was 2013; when she cut off her hair and was pegging Robin Thicke @ the VMAs. I didn't fuck with that at all and as a self-proclaimed alt-rock guy, I just didn't keep up with her career. But make no mistakes about it; Miley Cyrus is a legitimate artist. Hannah Montana done been dead. I first changed my tune in 2018 when she was working with Mark Ronson. Nothing Breaks Like a Heart is fantastic, as is another cover she did in 2018.
But man oh man did this cover of Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here on SNL (At Home) last night blow me away. Miley has some serious pipes. (Obviously; she's a fucking rock star) What a power performance. Just stripped down vocals and acoustic guitar. I think it's that lighting and fire that puts it over the top.
P.S. During my "research" for this blog I found this clip from last night. Considering the circumstances it's alright! I love Kenan's Big Papi.
This meme made me LOL.
EXTREMELY RARE TRIPLE P.S.
Apparently SNL at home had a cover last week too with Chris Martin of Coldplay performing Bob Dylan's Shelter from the Storm. I hope they keep this trend going cause I love it!
Guess what people? For the first time in over 30 days I'm drinking alcohol which means you're getting a special Friday Night buzzed blog right now. So the Pats lose the face of the franchise and trade the greatest Tight End of all time and how do they refill the cupboard? By taking a DIVISION TWO safety in the second round. Sure this guy was good in D2... second team All-American.......IN DIVISION TWO. I will gladly take getting old takes exposed rn. I hope I'm wrong. I hope this guy is the next Ronnie Lott and I look like a fucking idiot, but based on history and statistics I'm guessing the Pats just took Tavon Wilson/Jordan Richards 2.0. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKkkk thhhhhhiIIIIIsssssssssssssSSSSSSs.
The 2020 NFL Draft is tonight. Even with the big C pandemic, hope is still high. Sure, it's going to be different, but the draft represents so much; it's like football's version of Opening Day. The draft is a fresh start, new opportunity, and of course full of fear. Fear that despite months of preparation and scouting your selection becomes the next Ryan Leaf or JaMarcus Russell. This year withstanding, the NFL draft has become one of the biggest spectator events in sports. In around half a century the NFL draft went from this:
There's a multitude of factors why the NFL has grown so much during the Super Bowl era and in no way am I giving all the credit to one man, but today's focus is on that of Howard William Cosell; born Howard William Cohen. Love him or hate him, Cosell is undoubtedly responsible for the growth of the NFL. As a 28 year old man-child, I never got to listen to Cosell call a game live. That doesn't mean I haven't read 1.8 of his books or spent hours researching him and watching old footage of the man who told it like is!
My favorite gifts this last Christmas
Howard is my sports media hero for his bravery, humor, wit, grasp on the English language, intellect and truth telling abilities. In a time where going against the status-quo was unacceptable he stood for what he thought was right. Cosell didn't give half a fuck about what anybody had to say about it, even though he was incredibly sensitive towards criticism.
I think I'm safe in my assumptions that most people under 35 have no idea who Howard Cosell is. As a lover of history and people that stood up for what's right; I find that quite upsetting. When you consider the lasting impact he's had on how sports are perceived in America and society as a whole it's a shame Howard Cosell isn't nationally revered. He's a true trailblazer. If you've ever said "Down goes Frazier!" you've quoted Cosell. He's even partly responsible for Nachos becoming a popular gameday treat.
Howard Cohen was born in Winston-Salem, NC on March 25th, 1918 before settling in Brooklyn, NY not long after with his family as a baby. Before getting into the broadcasting field, Cosell worked as a lawyer and served in the Army during World War II. He changed his name long before getting into broadcasting to pay respect to his Polish roots. In the 50's Cosell worked for free in NY Little League calling games. In addition to his work as a forefather of prime-time football, Cosell also called Major League Baseball (perhaps most notably the 1977 World Series), the Olympics, and Professional Boxing. It was Cosell's relationship with Muhammad Ali and work on ABC's Wide World of Sports that brought him the spotlight prior to Monday Night Football. Cosell was notably one of first (and for some time only) people to refer to Cassius Clay as Muhammad Ali after he converted to Islam in 1961.
I personally believe their relationship; a black Muslim and a Jew from Brooklyn...two people with seemingly nothing in common, with their fantastic chemistry and rapport helped the progression of race relations in the 1960's and 70's. The idealist in me has to believe seeing these two clown on each other made at least a few racists have their doubts.
Before Cosell and Monday Night Football, funerals had more life than NFL broadcasts. Did you know you couldn't even watch your team play its home games in its own market until 1973? Even the Super Bowl! Yep, even the fucking Super Bowl would be blacked out in the market it was played! Crazy to believe, but it's 100% true. You can thank Tricky Dick Nixon for helping change that.
You have to remember how lame life in America was before like 1965. If you weren't an opinion-less, clone of your father; society didn't have much for you. White people were still racist against other white people that's how you know it was bad. You got your crew-cut and didn't tell anybody you loved them until your last dying breath. That's how it had been since the Depression. When the counter-culture began in the 60's and people began to express their differing opinions on... for the sake of broadness.... life and society; who was the biggest advocate for the voiceless?
That's right, baby. Howard Cosell! History may be unfair to Howard because of his ego and what he wrote in I Never Played The Game, but at his peak Howard Cosell was one of the most polarizing figures in the entire country. He always stood up for what he believed was right; even if it went against the feelings of people he admired.
His broadcast style, partnered first with Don Meredith and Keith Jackson, but more notably Frank Gifford revolutionized football and sports as a whole. Howard Cosell was the first broadcaster to be real and "call it like it is". When you sucked; he told you. When someone was stupid; he laughed at them. When someone was wrong; he corrected them.
It may be hard for people to grasp considering how huge football is now; especially prime-time football with Sunday, Monday and Thursday Night Football....but when the idea of Monday Night Football was pitched NBC and CBS both turned it down! They thought football couldn't pull that type of viewers Bonanza or the Glenn Campbell Comedy hour did.
It's crazy now considering Super Bowl Sunday is probably the biggest non-religious day of the American calendar.
After the AFL-NFL merger, I believe that Monday Night Football in the 1970's is the most important factor in the NFL becoming the most popular sports league in America. It could've easily failed with the wrong men in the booth. The unknown of what you were going to get from Gifford, Meredith and Cosell every Monday at 9 PM had America hooked. The three man booth was unlike anything else in sports; all bringing something else to the table. Gifford and Meredith were both ex star football players, but had different personalities. Dandy Don was the funny man, Gifford was the cool guy and Howard was that textbook straight shooting, Jewish, World War II Vet from Brooklyn that could match wits with anybody. With ABC's budget dedicated to one game a week, as opposed to multiple broadcasts like NBC or CBS, MNF was able to have groundbreaking technology (on field graphics, instant replay) and multiple camera angles that separated it from its Sunday competition.
For seemingly the first time football was being marketed to everybody. For Monday Night Football to last they needed one of the most overlooked demographics at the time; women. Cosell knew this was entertainment and had to broadcast the game in an intelligent way that appealed to non-traditional fans.
In a time period where there was no red zone, internet, or even ESPN at the time there was only one way fans could see highlights of the games across the country on Sunday; Howard Cosell's Halftime Highlights. Howard famously (apart from a stat-sheet giving him accurate numbers) would come up with these drops on the spot.
Monday Night Football laid the foundation for sports as we know it today. MNF was the first time where pop culture and professional football were intertwined.
Sadly, MNF also broke the news of John Lennon's death. In the days of no 24/7 news networks (if they did exist they were in their absolute infancy) American's and really the world found out John Lennon was killed outside The Dakota while the Patriots' John Smith (actual name) was attempting a game winning field goal against the Dolphins in Miami on December 8th, 1980.
By the early-mid 80's Cosell had grown tired of the Monday Night Football lifestyle and politics that come with job. He had already quit calling professional boxing after a Larry Holmes fight was not stopped after it was clear Tex Cobb should not be fighting; less than two weeks after Duk Koo Kim died from injuries sustained in the ring. Sadly, Cosell was before his time in another way; cancellation.
One of Howard Cosell's final memorable moment's in the MNF booth came in September of 1983 when he said "look at that little monkey run" referring to Redskins WR Alvin Garrett. When Cosell used that term to describe a black football player naturally there was outrage even back then; with terms like colored in the not too distant past. Alvin Garrett is also 5 foot 7 and monkeys are known for being small and quick. Cosell claimed he used the term lovely to describe his own grandchildren. Howard's past record of positive relations with the African American community should've been enough to dispel any sort of notion he's a racist. Even back then (1983) all it took was one flub to erase decades of a reputation in the eyes of many. Those who truly knew Cosell supported him, but between tensions before this innocent and his growing boredom with MNF this was the writing on the wall. Howard Cosell stopped calling Monday Night Football before the final broadcast of the 1983 season. The clip that I just linked that you probably didn't click on from the late, great Dick Enberg still holds serious weight today. PLEASE watch this.
In his later years Cosell was less in the public eye. After his beloved wife Emmy passed away in 1990 many say Howard died too. One of the most beautiful and touching moments of his life came towards the end of it in a message he left for Muhammad Ali's 50th birthday celebration.
No intro-just Howard's message version.
Howard Cosell died on April 23rd, 1995 from a cardiac embolism at the age of 77.
In the years that have since passed the people he pissed off during his life that are still alive have done a pretty good job at tarnishing his legacy. Howard Cosell was an incredibly complicated man with flaws like us all, but when you look at what he accomplished during his life (and more importantly what he stood for) it is without question he is one of the most important people in the history of the NFL. The NFL that many of us love today would not be where it is without him. Plain and simple. I think it's an absolute disgrace he's not in the Pro Football Hall of Fame for his contributions and you best believe when I'm working for Barstool bringing that glaring omission from Canton to the forefront of America's psyche is part of my first 100 day plan. R.I.P. Howard Cosell. You are my hero. Thank you for laying the foundation.
I really want get all worked up about this, I really do. Sadly, I feel next to nothing. What? Were you expecting more? Sorry for evolving as a man.
Did you really think I'd spend the next eight hours writing 4,500 words that'll get read by only my mom about how fucked up this is? Nice try. You really want me to just sit here (and cry) in isolation, getting worked up over the dismantling of the New England Patriots? You mean the only thing that has been constant in my life (since 4th grade; have I mentioned that?) is decaying like corpse in water? So you expect me to just lay here in my Gronk jersey thinking about the end of the double-dynasty and how literally everything you've ever loved will eventually end and/or die?
Not gonna happen!
The Pats already got a horrible post-break up hair cut, now they're going full Debbie from Glow; giving away valuable assets for far below their resale value. I'm cool with trading Gronk. I really am in this situation, but why the fuck do the Patriots need to throw a 7th rounder into this trade? A 4th (that will likely get moved into multiple 6ths) for a super fresh, GOAT Tight End, coming off of multiple championships and somehow the Patriots needed to throw a sweetener in the deal? Are you kidding me?
It fucking sucks that yet another one of my all-time favorite athletes is playing for another team, but you know what....I'm a human rights guy, I'm an individual freedom guy, I'm glad two guys who brought me more happiness than literally anything other part of my life get to play together again....Does it piss me off that this is going on in scuzbag Tampa and not Foxboro? I'll let you take that one.
But what's the point in getting worked up or caring about legacy? Honestly? Sure, I'm less happy than I was an hour ago, but all things considered it's not like life is kicking ass right now. Brady and Gronk will now probably go win a Super Bowl down in Tampa to show how they didn't need big bad Bill. Part of me is resentful to him for forcing both out. After watching The Last Dance there certainly are parallels, but the Patriot way is why the organization has had all this success. If it's going to be an ugly, shitty, ending so be it. 20 years was worth it. That's a trade I'll take; I got to witness my favorite team win the Super Bowl six times.
It may not be good or smart for an undiscovered blogger to have such a rational take, but from a football stand point you might as well get something out of this guy who's not playing for you and fucking up the cap (I think?). I'm not going to pretend 7th rounders are draft caviar, but you never know who you'll find that late and the fact that ROB GRONKOWSKI alone couldn't net a 4th rounder is pathetic. Not that the Pats have a ton of leverage here, but whatever I'm rambling and should've ended after 7th round to say speaking of 7th rounders... I can think of someone not taking this Tompa Bay shit too well.
For the record because I'm sure people will ask me if I'm going to root for the Bucs or hope they succeed? Simple answer; no. Complicated answer; if they're covering every week you best believe I'm going to at least try to profit off this pain. Geaux Saints!