For the first time since 1939, the FOURTH ever NFL Draft, a Rhode Islander has been selected in the first round. 82 years ago, the Chicago Bears took Bill "Bullet Bill" Osmanski out of Holy Cross, #6 overall in the days when the first round was only 10 picks. It's been a WHILE since the Ocean State produced a first-rounder. Bullet Bill played five seasons before leaving the NFL to fight in World War II to put it in perspective.
Kwity Paye, a Defensive End out of Michigan, via Bishop Hendricken (where he was the 2016 RI Gatorade Player of the Year), was selected 21st overall by the Indianapolis Colts. If you're unfamiliar with his story, I hope you've got a fresh pack of tissues ready.
Obviously, the reasons Kwity Paye and his family had to come to the United States are tragic but talk about the American Dream. Dude was born in a fucking refugee camp, came to Providence at six months old, and now he's a 1st round draft pick. He promised his mother, Agnes, that she wouldn't have to pay for college if she could pay his Hendricken tuition. He delivered with a full ride to the University of Michigan. After all the hard work and sacrifices she made for Kwity and his brother, Komotay, he's the #21 pick in the NFL Draft. Heartwarming stuff. Kwity said she'll never have to lift a finger again, and now he has to means to provide that life for his mother. I hope Kwity signs a massive deal in five years. Regardless of what happens for Kwity in the league, he's made Rhode Island incredibly proud. Congratulations, Kwity!
I mean how awesome is this??
This is super cool. Already using his professional status for good. Kwity has a spot on team hashtag good guy.
While I was trying to remain calm after being made aware of a potential Tim Tebow NFL comeback, news that many have speculated since the Packers traded up to take Jordan Love last year was confirmed; Aaron Rodgers wants out of Green Bay.
I can't say that I'm surprised. After winning the Super Bowl in his third year as a starter, the Packers have not been back since, and it's not exactly been his fault. The Pack have been a perennial contender but have not gone above and beyond to put a Super Bowl-caliber roster around Rodgers. You gotta put the Packers of the last 30 years in the discussion for all-time disappointments in sports. How do you only win two Super Bowls with Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre? (to answer my own question: Tom Brady exists) Who's their last big signing, Julius Peppers? I'm sure Aaron feels like he's underachieved in his career, never getting back to the big game despite putting up great numbers and winning three MVPs.
The ultimate sign of disrespect came when the Packers traded up to draft his assumed replacement after a 13-3 season. Many scratched their head when it felt like the Packers were just a couple pieces away from getting back to the Super Bowl, and they traded UP to draft someone who was not going to help them in 2020. Rodgers went on to win MVP and lead the Packers to a 2nd straight NFC Title Game; a game that the Packers would lose after a questionable field goal call and atrocious day for Kevin King.
The Packers have said they aren't trading him, but apparently, A-Rod 1.2 has said he's not coming back to Green Bay regardless if they trade him or not.
As of now, his desired destinations are the 49ers, Broncos, and Raiders, but if the Packers were to trade him, I don't think they're going to take a lesser deal to make him happy. I have no idea what the Patriots will do, but this is such a great point, even though it was made well before this news broke and doesn't have to do with him.
I doubt the Packers will trade him to the Patriots, but a boy can dream.
It's funny because it's true!
There's so much crazy shit going in the NFL right now that this almost feels like old hat, but Tim Tebow will always take first precedent on DOL! I've been a Tebow guy since high school. I wore eyeblack with 904 written on it for the Thanksgiving Day Game my Junior Year of HS as an homage to him (and my mom). There are probably over a dozen DOL blogs about him in one way or another, but I'm so excited that I'm almost at a loss for words. I had to crack a crispy BL smooth to try to settle down from how fired up this news has me. I always dreamed this day would come, but I've had to concede to reality over the last few years. I was so shocked that it took me until I saw an actual news posting to put two and two together. Not even my boy spelling it out for me made it truly register.
I can't get too excited. Other than Doug Flutie, how many guys have spent over eight seasons out of the NFL and returned? And Flutie was still playing football and QB in our hat.
Obviously, there's the Urban Meyer and hometown connection, but at 33 years old and recently retired from the New York Mets organization, I thought Timmy was putting his days as an athlete behind him,,,,,,, not that this would be the first time that a 33-year-old made a miraculous comeback.
I don't care if it's simply a workout, this is so fucking awesome. Comeback Story of a lifetime, like the 8th track on Mechanical Bull. This season will mark the 10 year anniversary of Tebowmania. What better way to celebrate the tin anniversary of Tebowmania than on the field in a real NFL game for the first time since 2012? I know that Tebow has his detractors, but this would be an amazing story if he were able to pull an NFL comeback at another position after hundreds, if not millions of people suggested this career move back when Tebow was at UF.
I'm sure some Tebow haters will say this just Tebow trying to get his name out there on one of the biggest days in the NFL calendar year but he didn't break the story. Not his fault he still moves the needle!
At 33 years old, the question is, how much does Tebow have left in the tank? Is he still a beast in the open field? (obviously) How's he going to block d ends? (not as obvious) Could he actually contribute at TE this late in his life? Tom Brady just won a Super bowl at 43. Look at this fucking jersey, dude. He's basically popping the buttons off with how jacked he is. This guy can be a move TE.
From the Jaguars stand point this is a no brainer. I lived in Jacksonville for two years (we had season tickets in 2004 solely to have a chance at Super Bowl tickets knowing the Pats would be back)and still have plenty of family connection down there. The dude is still a superstar in Duvaallllll even though he's more of a St Johns County kinda guy. James O'Shaughnessy, Chris Manhertz, and Ben Ellefson aren't selling a single ticket. This somewhat irrelevant, laughing stock franchise has a real chance to matter in the NFL landscape and this low key is bigger for the Jags than a franchise QB. With Urban, Trevor Lawerence and Tim Tebow there will never be an empty seat in whatever the fuck they're calling Alltell Stadium nowadays. (I know what it really is, I have TIAA even though I never open the stuff they send me in the mail) I still cannot believe this may actually happen. Way more to come at a later date if it actually does, but at this point I am quite excited at the possibility. Plus, Timmy can wear #15 under the new rules! If he makes the team I am buying that jersey faster than you can Tim Tebow won a playoff game and never got to start another game at QB.
I love Timmy but can appreciate a joke at someone's expense. This made me LOL.
Song: Draft Day (2014)
ICYMI: The First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft is tonight!
I'd love to see the Pats trade up for Justin Field or take Hendricken's own Kwity Paye. Either way, it's going to be a great night. I can't wait to make a bunch of knee-jerk reactions about guys I've never heard of until tonight! Sorry for thinking you weren't a real human being, Kyle Dugger! You're very real and a beast. Just a swing and a miss from a quarantine drunk Ole Dozo; it happens!
Yesterday the were no blogs on DOL, but if you're one of the 64 people who has seen my IG story, you already knew that. (please follow @Dozonlife)
It took two (2) whole days back at the education factory for ya boi's self-diagnosed anxiety to fuck me up like a 1988 Mike Tyson haymaker. I say self-diagnosed because I haven't been to a psychiatrist, only a good ole fashion shrink, but it's like Kevin Ware self-diagnosing his compound fracture. I am fucking crippled by anxiety bro lol, but anyways I say all that because I try to be transparent as possible on DOL. I'm ashamed of a lot of things, but not that. It's "okay to not be okay, right?!?!?" I want to write for Barstool more than anything in the world, but some days after work, I have to have some Ryan time, so I took a mental health day.
I was supposed to have video therapy at 4:00 PM, but I got a text from my shrink saying she needed to reschedule. With it getting nicer out, I decided to go to Newport to walk the Cliff Walk to try to turn my brain off for an hour-ish and relax. Plus, spoiler alert, I put on the COVID hundo and need to start exercising again but still haven't gotten my Planet Fitness membership fixed. I'd rather walk with a gorgeous view of the ocean and masked-up coeds than my neighborhood. I moved in August, and my PF account is still linked to the gym by my old house; I tried to switch in-person when I moved, they said I could do it online and tried to, but it wouldn't work, and now it's almost May.
If you're still reading, you're probably like, "what the fuck does any of this have to do with AirPods?" and I'm gonna get there in the next nine paragraphs.
I wanted to listen to music during my walk, but since I'm a civilized human being, I used some sort of sound transmitting device, so I'm not walking around blasting Florence + the Machine for the whole world to hear (not that they'd be upset). I have two sets of wireless headphones, a pair of like $35 DJ headphones that I got on Am*zon about two years ago, and AirPods. I only opted to go for the Airpods on this walk because I was being lazy and assumed the other ones were dead since they haven't been used since the summer.
Now I get it; I'm never going to fall into the "one size fits all" umbrella. I haven't been able to wear a hat with that label since t-ball. Maybe I just have weird-shaped ear canals, and I'm the one who's wrong here, but for the life of me, I don't understand how people can exercise with Airpods in.
Do they use that tape that girls use on their tits? Are they anti-Q-tipper and have enough ear sludge to lock them into position? Can they balance a glass of milk on their head? I could go on forever, baby. I couldn't walk three paces without one of these mother fuckers falling out of my ear like the name of someone I just met. How the fuck do people do anything other than sit/lay down with Airpods in? I don't get it. I've heard people say just twist them, but that hasn't worked for me and only hurts more. I find it hard to believe that I'm the only person having this issue. How can someone do legitimate cardio without these things jumping out of their ears?
How do people move more than 2 MPH without Airpods falling out? What's their secret? I'd walk a few steps then have to either push it back in and inadvertently change the song or turn into Patrick Roy every 3.3 seconds trying to save it from hitting the ground.
I have been a vocal hater of Airpods for years, so much so that I nearly missed out on free AirPods that came with the I bought a new Macbook last summer with some of my hard-earned ub** money.
The salesperson was like "do you want AirPods?" and thinking they were trying to upsell me, I was like, "absolutely not." After she told me they came with the laptop, I scooped them up like a groundball (Lil Wayne, 2008). Being in the content game, I thought about using them as a follower raffle item to try to get into the triple digits (I since have) on Twitter but got curious about all the hype and tried them out for myself. Maybe I'm just an anxious freak who can't walk level, with fucked up (but cute) ears, but I'm genuinely curious how tf people get AirPods to stay in. Sound off in the comments below with your best AirPod advice/bashing of these overpriced pieces of shit that I make fun of people for having when I own an iPhone and Macbook.
I know, super timely blog, but I've used these things like maaaaybe 15 times since I got them in August. Mostly when I'm at home to listen to Khruangbin (I can only listen to instrumentals while writing) to block out noise while blogging. How do the readers feel about a clorox-wiped down set of AirPods for my 500th twitter follower??? I'm willing to make it happen!
Song: Knees (2018)
Artist: Ocean Alley
When Kyle Van Noy re-joined the New England Patriots after a year-long sabbatical in Miami, I posed the question "So How Soon Until Josh Uche Gives Kyle Van Noy His #53 Back?" via a blog title. Well, to answer my own question, via blog entry, it appears that today, April 26th, 2021, is said day.
Kyle Van Noy will officially wear #53 this season, and Josh Uche will wear #55, last worn by analytically one of the worst defenders in the NFL, John Simon.
With the NFL loosening its position-based jersey number rules, KVN got in front of any rumors that he might rock a single-digit this year in his return to Foxboro. Talk about a hashtag good guy move looking out for those who already have a #53 KVN Patriots jersey!
Recycling a jersey after a player leaves is an excellent way to stick it to the man (s/o Celtics fans with Dee Brown or Antoine Walker jerseys). Especially when the numbers on the Pats color rush uniforms from Kyle's first stint in New England are far superior to their 2020-present Wal-Mart counterparts. Even though I'm a Cam guy, I hate that I bought his jersey because #1 looks so bad in this slightly tweaked font.
Look at the 1 on Cam's jersey compared to the 1 in 31 on Jonathon Jone's jersey in the first photo. It just doesn't do it for me. I need that base on the bottom.
With KVN reclaiming 53, Josh Uche pondered going back to 6, the same number he wore at Michigan.
Before ultimately claiming 55 as his own.
#6 is currently worn by two-time 2020 AFC Special Teamer of the week, Nick Folk. For a second I forgot and thought maybe Belichick was keeping it open to retire for Ryan Allen. #6 is currently the one of two single digit number that hasn't been retired by at least one NFL team (#2 is the other) and it would be such a Belichick troll move for that to be the first double-dynasty era retired number.
I totally forgot the Vikings signed Patrick Peterson. He is officially the first player to change his uniform number under the new rule.
Not that anybody is actually keeping track (or cares), but I am a tad self-conscious about the amount of time it'll take me to finish a blog, and I just want to let you know that I finished this blog much quicker than the time between this post and the Song of the Day would suggest. I was catching up with a buddy on Zoom! Check-in on your people!!
Song: Yellowbelly (2021)
Artist: Teenage Wrist
Album: Earth is a Black Hole
I hate being a slave to the algorithm, but Apple Music knocked this recommendation out of the park. Yellowbelly sounds like 1997 and 2001 had a baby.
In early April, the Kansas City Chiefs proposed a rule that would loosen NFL jersey number restrictions. Yesterday, NFL owners approved that change and a few others for the 2021 NFL season.
Choose Your Own Adventure Blog: You can catch up on all of the new rule changes for 2021 here on your favorite niche blog in the bold and italicized text below or scroll til you see standard text face to reach the meat and potatoes of this post.
NFL fans, get ready for a trove of jersey number change fun.
NFL Network's Tom Pelissero reported that NFL owners approved the proposal on changes to jersey numbers, per sources informed of the situation.
The proposal, submitted by the Kansas City Chiefs, adjusted the restrictions on who can wear which jersey numbers. Specifically, the approval unlocks the number of players eligible to wear single-digit numbers, which had previously been relegated to QBs, kickers and punters.
The expanded jerseys will allow running backs, tight ends, fullbacks, H-backs and wide receivers to wear numbers 1-49 and 80-89; defensive backs can choose from 1-49; linebackers 1-59 and 90-99; offensive linemen 50-79; and defensive linemen 50-79 and 90-99. QBs, kickers and punters will remain in 1-19.
Expanded practice squads due to the COVID-19 led to some number issues for certain clubs last year, precipitating the number use change.
A plethora of players could look to change numbers, particularly skill position players and defensive backs who might move to single-digit numbers they wore in college or younger years.
Other issues undertaken by the clubs during Wednesday's meeting, per Pelissero:
I personally love this move, but you already knew that from reading my previous blog. We really only need the number rule in place for eligible vs ineligible receivers. That serves a purpose for not only the QB but officials as well. As for everything else, I say, let the players express themselves. It's a fucking GAME.
Unfortunately, as society attempts to get more fluid and free of arbitrary restrictions used to control us, there are still plenty of people who hate change and want to hold on to the old days of Free Safetys wearing #20-49 and girls not be allowed to wear pants.
Tom Brady does NOT think the NFL's new number rule is a good idea. He think it's going to lead to bad football because players won't know who to block!
This next post reads a lot like anti-LGBTQ+ marriage equality rhetoric...what are you so upset about, Tommy? This isn't ruining the sanctity of football. I feel like he definitely had something else typed before posting since "let" is capitalized (Detective Dozo). "What kind of door are these number changes opening??? What's next some DL bro wants to marry a horse?"
I've never seen Brady so vocal about something on social media before. He kept pretty quiet during a witch hunt about PSI but, a CB wearing #8 is where he draws his line!
Sure, Brady is in great physical shape from all his pliability and avocado ice cream bull shit, but mentally, could 43-year-old Tom Brady just be getting forgetful with his increased age? Is he worried this rule change will expose him? Are numbers going to make him fall off the cliff like it's Price Is Right?
Brady has been bragging about how his age and experience have him ready for everything a defense can throw at him since AT LEAST 2017. (via: CBS sports)
“You can’t surprise me on defense. I’ve seen it all. I’ve processed 261 games, I’ve played them all,” Brady said. “It’s an incredibly hard sport, but because the processes are right and are in place, for anyone with experience in their job, it’s not as hard as it used to be. There was a time when quarterbacking was really hard for me because you didn’t know what to do. Now I really know what to do, I don’t want to stop now. This is when it’s really enjoyable to go out.”
But new jersey numbers are the end of the world? It doesn't add up.
Is Brady like someone who is sort of illiterate and just memorized a bunch of words but can't actually read? (definitely not talking about myself here) After 20+ years in the league, can Brady not identify the Mike linebacker without a 5 in the first digit giving it away? This guy has been a starting NFL QB since 2001, so maybe he's forgotten that college football has followed these loosened number rules for generations? SEC Teams still knew they had to block Jadeveon Clowney in college even though he was #7. Maybe that's why Brady's Michigan Wolverines allowed the most famous tackle in non-BCS/playoff bowl history?
Sure he's adapted and changed with the game over the last two decades, but Brady has been shouting out "54's the Mike" since before the Houston Texans existed. He's been bragging that he has "the answers to the test" for YEARS, and now when he's only got one to six years left, someone's out here changing shit? I guess I'd be mad too with change so late in my career, but based on how smart you are and how much football you've seen, I'd hope jersey numbers weren't the only way you could differentiate between a safety or linebacker.
Is it a little inconvenient for the offense? I guess, but literally, every rule in football except for a safety through the end zone resulting in a touchback favors the offense; tough titties, Tommy boy! Take 25 minutes during a meeting at training camp to go over the changes. If you're this worried about jersey numbers ruining your offense and football in general, I think that says a lot more about the intellectual capacities of your teammates, coaches, and opponents across the league. Have some faith in your NFL brethren; they can handle this! Numbers aren't even changing for defensive linemen. Just remember what my o-line coach and every o-line coach has been saying for 60+ years since Paul Brown invented assistant coaches, "gap, down, backer." If college players can figure it out with non-50s linebackers, I think the pros can too. It's going to be okay, Tom. Way to make yourself look 78 years old.
This entire thing is about making more money disguised as player empowerment. New numbers = new jerseys fans want to buy and the NFL is totally fine with that....just as long as the player switching his number covers the cost of all his old jerseys.
Tom Brady already publicly shamed me at training camp in 2003, denying my autograph request in front of my best friend and hundreds of screaming fans, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't care what an anxiety ridden blogger has to say, but bro shit like this is why people fucking hate you. It isn't the plastic surgery, diet cult, or two decades of domination; it's the complaining. This is some cry-baby nonsense. Way worse than anything on the field. You're just mad it's going to make your job that you're still the best in the world at a tad more difficult when you're going to be done in a few years. It's like old people voting against the Green New Deal. And yes, of course, I know nobody will care about this story in like four hours but saying this will ruin football is lunacy. I still love you, man. Ole Dozo is just trying to help while hopefully making some strangers on the internet laugh.
Semi-rare TRIPLE P.S.
Brady just tweeted this out as I posted this blog for my 100+ followers to see. Glad to see he's got a little sense of humor about this whole thing.
Song: Shining Star (live)
Artist: Earth, Wind and Fire
Album: That's the Way of the World (1975)
Happy Earth Day!