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A full day's passed since the Boston Celtics won the Eastern Conference, and I still almost can't believe it. I mean, I do. I saw it with my own two eyes, but it's been a remarkable run. We all know about the 18-21 or 25-25 mark, but there were plenty of hiccups along the way, even with their incredible second-half turnaround. They've put themselves in challenging situations these playoffs and fought their way out. I thought we were dead after the Game 5 collapse vs. Milwaukee.
I get a little 2014 Patriots vibe from this squad. I watched most of the infamous Chiefs game at a now-dead pub called Rhody Joe's (which inspired my also dead Twitter @RhodyDoz) and remember asking myself if Tom Brady really wasn't going to ever win another Super Bowl (remember at this point, the Pats hadn't won since 2004), then they went 13-2 the rest of the way en route to a 4th Lombardi. With this year's Celtics, the whole 18-21 thing is sorta their Chiefs MNF moment. I never wanted to split up the Jays, but the season (until January) was so frustrating because they kept blowing games and not playing up to their potential. It felt like a wasted year of two young studs career. Now they're in the Finals. I love this team. It's homegrown. I've watched them grow up and get stronger from all the playoff heartbreak of years past. I saw a freshly drafted Marcus Smart outside Dockside in summer 2014 and got denied a photo op because he wasn't supposed to be out. I remember drafting Jaylen Brown and being like, "who the fuck is that?" because I don't watch Pac-12 basketball. Jayson Tatum was only 19 when he got here, and now he's the inaugural Eastern Conference Finals MVP. I'll muck it up with my friends and talk shit into the internet void about and to fascist politicians until the cows come home, but I am a non-confrontational guy by nature.
But I am also a brutally honest fellow, sometimes to my detriment. I just believe true friends tell each other the hard to hear stuff. If my boys were like, "nah, Dozo, you look great; you didn't put on a quick hundo during Covid," that would piss me off. If my fly were down or I had shit in my teeth, I'd want my friends to let me know. I'd do the same for them. I mean, don't tell me to give up the Barstool dream because that's the quickest way to a lifetime shun, but I think you're getting my point. Honesty is the best policy (which is one reason why I hate fascist politicians).
It's tough because I love Jayson Tatum, and even though he's signed through the 2025-26 season, I'm terrified he'll end up elsewhere. I don't want him to leave because I mentioned how his tattoos are grammatically incorrect or that this whole Kobe text thing is fucking WEIRD. But if the niche bloggers of the world don't tell those truths, what's the point? What's this all about? What am I working toward? #HireDozo 
Now I get it, Tatum is a Kobe guy. I have zero issue with that (apart from some allegations). We all have heroes.
But his tragedic and untimely death really brought out the weirdness in people. It was the clout chasing Olympics. Nobody exemplifies that better than failed URI basketball coach and 1x @Dozonlife blocker David Cox with the most unnecessary photoshop of 2020.
After the Celtics won Game 7 of the 2022 NBA Eastern Conference Finals, Tatum posted a 10 picture thread of the celebration. That's expected. I'd do the same if I were him, but he ended the post with a poorly cropped screenshot of a text he sent to a very dead Kobe Bryant prior to tipoff.
You're an NBA (borderline) superstar JT. We know this shit means a lot to you. You're a fucking hooper, my guy. You can miss Kobe, love Kobe, and worship Kobe. That's all well and good, but this was a weird fucking move.
It's okay. My whole life is one big weird fucking move. We all post weird shit online. Sometimes you end up fishing for likes, but the people who condone this behavior are troublesome. Just because you can shoot a ball into a hoop super well or throw that shit DOWN doesn't mean people can't tell you the truth. Do you want a bunch of yes men telling who don't tell you there's spinach in your teeth or niche bloggers with fantastic hair spitting straight facts? There's literally no point in sending a text to a number that's been disconnected for over two years. It didn't go through. I actually sorta take that back. Sometimes it feels good to get shit out, but to post it publicly...idk, very strange move. Like you wanted people to see that. Again, I love you and please never leave us, but this was bizarro. Corn, if you will. You've got the life, JT. And again, I'm not trying to ruffle feathers (your hair looked great Game 7), just give you some friendly advice/use this story to hopefully grow my brand. Keep that shit to yourself next time. Believe it or not, there are plenty of thoughts I keep in the chamber. I haven't dissected all the interactions that post garnered, but tons of people,,, enjoyed it and thought it was cool???!! Also, "hits different" is one of my least favorite phrases in the English language. When I use it, I'm making fun of people who say it genuinely...just like how I started saying swag and now it's one of my go to word *shrug emoji* 
Okay, so I did a little dissecting, s/o @thefunkopappii.
My linked tweet says it perfectly and I put here again.
You're my fucking guy, JT. I support you, regardless. Go win a ring. Do that and idc what you post online (as long as it doesn't support fascist politicians). #BLEEDGREEN and yes I intentionally referenced Korn after calling that corn. I've been hooked on that song lately.
1 Comment
Song: All Over You (Live)
Artist: Live Album: Throwing Copper (1994)
Here's a little inside baseball with your favorite niche blog: sometimes, there's a blog topic that I really want to get to, but I can't think of a SOD right away, so I'll outsource selection to shuffle or Ryan Radio on Apple Music so I don't waste a half-hour debating what to pick (which happens more than you'd think. Time management has never been my swag, but I'm trying to improve). That's precisely what we've got today. I hit Ryan Radio, and this was the first song to appear. "All Over You" is my favorite Live song, so it worked out well. Good job, algorithm. Thanks to Wikipedia, I learned that like "Black" by Pearl Jam, this song charted despite not being released as a single. Sometimes the fans know better!
P.S. Happy Birthday, Broadway Joe!! You and Live are both from Pennsylvania. What a small world!
Double P.S.
I just made the executive decision to switch the year from the song to the album. I don't know if it'll happen 100% going forward, but sometimes with the live designation (not to get confused with this band) or featured artists it can get a little cluttered. Also, it can get annoying when a song is technically released the year after the album was because I overthink like crazy about which one to use. 
It's been over two hours since the game ended, and I'm fucking ecstatic. I had a little hiccup omw home. The good people at Neon Marketplace accidentally gave me somebody's vile ass tuna sandwich instead of my turkey grinder. You bet your bottom dollar (s/o Minx) I went back to get the right one after unwrapping it at home after being like, "wait a second, this is way too cold," but if there was ever a night to fuck up my order, it's tonight!! Who gives a shit? The Boston Celtics are back in the NBA Finals for the first time since I was 18 (it's partially on me for not checking before I left, but I was too excited. I basically floated home).
I had to finish my 17 rides this afternoon after a long weekend on the roads, so I'll try to be quick, but we all know I'll end up rambling. LET'S FUCKING GO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy. At first, it was just relief because my b-hole was tighter than Fort Knox in the final two minutes, but I am just so pumped and proud of these guys. Way to show out when it mattered most!
After losing Game 6, I was down. I know we've bounced back all year, but I thought asking this team to win three games on the road in one series was a tall order. I think we all got some major 2012 vibes after that L and Jimmy's performance. It feels like ancient history now, but Miami was undefeated at home through the first two rounds. The Celtics just beat them on their home court in three straight games. They earned this Finals berth (but biggest of ups to whoever overturned future barback Strus' three).
I mean, there's so much to analyze; it's high key past 2 am and I'm beat, but I'll say this. This might be my favorite pass of Tatum's career. Got the defense to bite and set up Marcus for the easy bucket...fuck I thought I liked that tweet, and now I can't find it..here's my 2nd favorite Jayson pass from tonight.
Wire-to-wire Game 7 win on the road. What a team. It got too close for comfort late (that 11-0 Heat run nearly killed me---we got lucky Jimmy was gassed on that last shot). It's not football, you gotta keep playing; you can't just try to run the clock out. There's no kneel downs in basketball. Marcus looked like he took Heat live ML when they were down 15 or 17 (whatever it was) with the way he was playing, but that's the Marcus Smart experience. He hit two huge free throws to seal it. Fitting that the longest tenured Celtic hit the shots that iced it.
I'm just so happy for this team—so resilient, they haven't lost back-to-back games all playoffs; 7-2 on the road. Marcus and Jaylen lost three Conference Finals; Al and Jayson lost two (technically, Al's lost three because he was on the 2014-15 Hawks, but we're talking C's, folks!!) and they're all going to their first NBA Finals. From 18-21 to the Finals. What a season it's been, regardless of what happens, but it's ALL ABOUT 18.
This run hasn't been easy; there's been plenty of "wtf just happened?" moments throughout the playoffs (I still can't believe we're here after Game 5 vs. Milwaukee), but talk about exercising your demons. Road to the Finals: Swept the Nets (ended our season last year), beat the defending champion Bucks in 7 (ended our 2018-19 season), and knocked out the team who's single-handedly kept us out of at least two Finals (I won't count 2011, even though D-Wade broke Rondo's arm off like a scumbag; this franchise ended our 2019-20 season).
We gotta clean it up and stop playing with our food. The Warriors are too good. We won't get away with the mistakes we've made the last two series, but tonight's a celebration bitches. The Finals start Thursday, and there's plenty of time to talk C's before then, but I'm going to bed a happy 30-year-old boy tonight. NEVER BREAK UP THE JAYS!!! Congrats on the Larry Bird trophy, JT!
Four more wins.
P.S.
That's our fucking coach!! Welcome to team hashtag good guy, Ime. *handshake emoji*
Double P.S.
I'M CRYING GREEN!!! (HAPPY TEARS OF COURSE)
Song: Dance Around It [Live on Colbert, 2022] Artist: Lucius (feat. Celisse & Sheryl Crow) Album: Second Nature Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all that paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. That being said, we're dancing all night long!! GO CELTICS!!!!!
Tipoff is still hours away, but I've gotta bang-out 17 rides to hit my weekend quest, so I'll try to make this quick. I don't wanna watch another game on my phone in a parking lot!
I am fucking terrified right now. Sure it's just a game, but I am truly emotionally invested in this team. Over the last couple of years, with covid and a microscope on all the world's man-made greed-driven problems, I thought I sorta outgrew the days of sports super-fandom, but this Celtics season pulled me back in. I care too much about sports again, horrrrrrraayyy! Life is really back to normal! (no, it's not!!!!) This season started super frustrating. In the 2021 portion of the 2021-22 Boston Celtics, it felt like they blew a 25-point lead a week. I remember in October when they were losing to the fucking Wizards. This team felt broken and like it was going nowhere. There was a debate about whether or not they deserved two all-stars, and I was in the camp of no because of how poorly the team was playing. Some even wanted to break up the Jays (I NEVER FELL IN THAT CAMP). Of course, we all know about 18-21 record, but these Celtics had the bones of a winner; they just weren't winning. They got rid of Dennis Schroder, Josh Richardson, and Enes Freedom and replaced them with Derrick White and familiar face Daniel Theis, and everything changed. Well, the tides had sorta turned prior to ditching Dennis, but this team went from 18-21 to 51-31. The C's finished the regular season 33-10 and haven't lost back-to-back games all playoffs (most recent losing streak: March 28th-30th). Every time they've backed themselves into a corner, they've found a way out, but tonight is a tough ask. There have been multiple soul-crushing losses (Game 5 vs. Milwaukee, every loss in this series) during this playoff run, but they've always bounced back. It's Game 7; the two best words in sports, blah, blah, blah. I don't feel it. I'm so worried. Of course, it has to be the fucking Heat too. I believe in our guys, but three road wins in a Conference Finals is a tall order. I hate to say it, but losing Game 6 felt like we lost our chance. It lined up perfectly, but we couldn't capitalize. Jaylen's turned into Shaq on the line. I 10000% would rather have Robert Williams there. The Celtics got outplayed but also fucked by the refs; that charge on Tatum that should've been an "and 1" that could've got them within one was atrocious. And despite that, we still held a lead late. FUCK. Sure, Miami has fake fans, but it's still an opposing arena in a winner-take-all game. Is Herro gonna be available now? How the fuck did Jimmy Butler end up outscoring Lebron's 2012 Game 6 that surely killed a piece of me? I knew the vibes were off on Friday.
I mean, we can win this fucking game. We've already won in Miami twice, and held an 8 point halftime lead in Game 1 before the wheels fell off. We just need to hold on to the fucking ball. Turnovers have been the difference all series, you can find stats that back that up, I've already rambled too much. We need to box the fuck out and stop getting killed on second and third chance points too. I'd love to see the Jays be aggressive. You're the best players on this team. I'm living and dying with you. Hopefully other guys step up, but you guy combined for SEVEN shots in the second half of Game 6. Inexcusable. Tonight is a massive legacy game for you both. Luckily, Jayson has a decent track-record in these spots.
Obviously, I want to win it all, and it's very un-Celtic-like to say this, but I'd be happy with getting fucking swept in the Finals (that's probably not true if it happens, but bear with me). I just wanna get there. It's been 12 years. The last time the Celtics were in the NBA Finals, I went through my final days of high school, graduation, and URI orientation. Now I'm in my 30s (gross), and we haven't been back. Oh, but there's been plenty of opportunities. We lost in the Eastern Conference Finals in 2012, 2017, 2018 and 2020. Sure, the 2017 C's weren't good enough, but the other teams were, just like this roster. I'm fucking done with heartbreaking ECF losses. Can the little ole Boston Celtics please catch a break? It's NBA 75. Warriors-Celtics would be two of the oldest franchises going head-to-head. The Heat have had their time. If the Celtics can grow the fuck up, play with some heart and hold onto the rock, they can win. God, I'm so nervous. Not loving this blog, but whatever, it's a rant. Rants are fine. I respect the Heat but also fucking hate them and have for some time. Celtics, please come out hot and make this a no-doubter. I can't handle this stress. Go C's. I'll be bleeding green somewhere in Rhode Island tonight. I gotta go crush these rides quick. Go Celtics. More thoughts to come on Twitter, later.
Song: Peaceful Easy Feeling (1972) Artist: Eagles Album: Eagles This song is the complete opposite of how I feel today! The result of tonight's game will directly affect my happiness for the rest of the year, possibly the rest of my life. #BleedGreen 
On Wednesday, May 25th, Rhode Island Governor Dan McKee signed a bill that immediately legalizes possession of cannabis, expunges past convictions, and establishes the guidelines for legal dispensaries.
It's about damn time! Finally, some good news!
The dispensaries won't open until December 1st, and there are still plenty of horrible things about this state (classic Rhody corruption, terrible roads, minimal industry/job opportunities, unaffordable housing, failing inner-city schools, etc.), but at least there's something positive to look forward to here. Rhode Island is the 19th state to legalize recreational cannabis. Nobody should be in jail for fucking weed. Under the new state law, you can have up to an ounce on your person and ten at home. If you want to grow your own tree, homes are allowed up to six plants, with three mature. I think you should be able to have as much as you fucking want at home, but whatever, this is clearly better than what was on the books just days ago. Gotta walk before you run. There's been some terrible news this week, and even as a big weed guy, it's hard to get too excited given how fucked up things are. And to the Let's Go Brandon imbeciles that think the President sets gas prices or it's his fault for baby formula shortages, learn how to fucking read.
On a state level, you hope the added jobs and revenue for towns and the state will be a net positive. Does this mean employers can't drug test you anymore? Cause that'd be huge for me in the "find a job that isn't teaching where you can still blog and chase the dream" department.
I think anybody should be allowed to use cannabis products once you're of age. It just sucks how it stays in your system way longer than far more dangerous substances like cocaine or opioids for testing purposes. You can blow a million rails on a bachelor party and be clean by the time you're back home harassing people for going nine miles over the speed limit, but you can smoke a joint in the safety of your living room and be deemed unfit to deliver mail. That's not right. I used to think it makes sense that some jobs drug test, but if you aren't high on the job, why does it matter? A brain surgeon is allowed to crush martinis, but a 10 mg weed gummy is too much? I don't know; I don't have all the answers. I don't want high pilots, but who cares what you do off the clock? I'm just glad my home state smartened up and finally accepted that legalizing cannabis is a great thing for Rhode Island; no more wasted time and money on enforcing a high key racist policy (this legalization doesn't really impact me at all other than the ease of driving with weed in my car after I pick up. I mean, I've smoked joints in public places before and nothing happened), more jobs, and more money for the state. This is great news for Rhode Island. If you don't like reefer, you don't have to consume it! Hopefully this leads to some smoother roads in Rhody, but there's a better chance of Heather Graham winning Super Bowl MVP. what a grip on her! 
Song: Dig In (2001)
Artist: Lenny Kravitz Album: Lenny
Happy 58th (DOZAAAAAAHH) Birthday to the one and only Lenny Kravitz. The man is a rock/cock God.
I'm almost positive I used "Dig In" as a SOD in 2020 but I don't not care, it's a fantastic and low key forgotten song (even though it won a Grammy), and I'm using my microscopic platform to show it some love on his born day. Maybe it's because award shows have lost their swag the last few years or because he won them in a now defunct category, but I feel like people forget about how huge Lenny was. Four straight Grammys is a fucking dynasty.
I don't understand how this song could've possibly gotten over shadowed.
P.S.
For my money this is one of the funniest conversations in the history of humanity. 
Loyal DOL readers, ya boi is fucking flying HIGH like Jim Jones (not the reverend, the baaaalllin' one) right now.
Yes, we've seen the Boston Celtics blow 3-2 series leads in 2009, 2010, 2012, and 2018, so I know it's far from over (even though the first three have nothing to do with this core and Doc Rivers is long gone), but LET'S FUCKING GO!!!!!! What a win. Look what happens when you play smart, clean, team basketball. Even though the Celtics struggled in the first half (10 turnovers; gave up 9 offensive rebounds), I never really got that worried. It still felt like their game. They're the better team. Straight up and down, and they showed it tonight.
There were definitely frustrating stretches. I didn't love how the C's weren't capitalizing enough in the first quarter. It took the Heat over five minutes to make their second field goal, but we were only up 7-4. That felt like a spot to get up 10 early. It wasn't like Miami was doing anything special. Their whole first-half offense was second chance points and points off turnovers.
After hitting what was essentially the game-winning shot in Game 3, Max Strus has turned back into a pumkin. Dude's 0 for the last two games (0-16). More like the Miami Cold, amirite?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Down five to start the second half, the Celtics tightened up like one of my favorite Black Keys songs. They came out hot defensively, limiting Miami to just 38 points and an ice cold 31.9% for the game. After holding Miami to 82 points Monday night, the Celtics shaved two off that total tonight. More importantly Boston only turned the ball over five times in the final 24 minutes and none were by Jaylen!
This series has been all about huge runs, and the difference in Game 5 was a massive 24-2 Celtics run late in the 3rd into the 4th quarter. The C's lead grew from 59-58 to 83-60 in like six and half minutes of game time, largely in part to an offensive outburst from Jaylen Brown. The energy shifted, again!
After the C's blew out the Heat on their home court in Game 2, Miami bounced back and silenced the Celtics in Boston. Like I said earlier, it's not over yet, but the narratives have shifted. Miami is banged tf up. Tyler Herro is busy playing dress-up on the sidelines.
Jimmy isn't himself. Kyle Lowry isn't right (obviously), but neither are the Celtics. You literally never know what lineup you're gonna get. Marcus and Rob have both missed major time. The C's haven't had the same starting five in back-to-back games all series, but they did have their true five on the floor tonight. When they do, that's the winning formula.
It was just a great team win. Jayson's shots weren't falling early, but he dished the ball well and ended up an assist short of a triple-double. BIG HIT AL!!!!
The 35-year-old had himself a NIGHT. 16, 7, and 5 with 2 blocks and a steal, but this was the sequence of the night and possibly entire series. Look at the big man move!
Derrick White's been awesome the last two games. New dad swag????
Of course, you can't fly too high. Like I said earlier, this franchise has blown four 3-2 series leads in the ECFs or later since 2009. Yes, Doc is gone, but I am not counting my chickens before they hatch. Jayson said in his postgame the C's need to come out in Game 6 like they're down 3-2, and he's exactly right.
Do not get complacent. It's not over. Go home, close it out and get the Celtics back in the Finals for the first time since 2010. We can still be pumped tonight though!!!
5 more wins. 
that's a PASS that led to a Derrick White 3 ball! I can't believe I forgot this one in the IG post.
Monday night was one of the most fun nights I've had in at least three years. I was in the Garden for Game 4 of the 2022 NBA Eastern Conference Finals (I told you they'd bounce back!!), sitting/standing because I'm much too fat for how close together and small the seats are, way too close to the court. These were easily the best tickets I've ever had to a sporting event (2013 ALCS Game 6 low key doesn't count since we bamboozled the Sox to get onto the Monster) in my 30+ years. I'm not 11, so I'd never do this, but you could easily hit the basket from our seats with a spitball.
Huge s/o to Seatgeek for a great deal; use promo code "Dozo hasn't made it yet" for 0% off all your future ticketing needs.
This series has been fucking wild. We all know it's tied 2-2, so it's still clearly anybody's for the taking (which makes tonight's swing game so important), but the Celtics (no bias) have been clear and away the better team. The Heat are good; I'm not taking anything away from them. Jimmy Butler is a top 15-20 player in the league. I have nothing but respect for PJ Tucker. Sure, Tyler Herro can't name all 50 states, but he's dangerous when he's on the floor. All that being said, I'm sorry, the Celtics basically gave the two games they lost to the Heat with turnovers.
Now, if you want to argue that the Heat's defense is responsible for that, I'm not going to push back too hard, the Heat deserves their due, but from MY hoop-head vantage point, it feels like the C's have been beating themselves up with sloppy play.
I feel like a shitty writer saying it like this, but I mean it's true; this series has been fucking crazy. It's tied 2-2, but apart from Game 3, we really haven't had a close game, and even that was only close late. We've seen both teams jump out to crazy leads and have wild runs like 22-2 Heat or 17-0 Celtics. In Game 4, the Celtics held the Heat without a field goal for nearly the first 10 minutes of play, jumping out to an 18-1 (ew) lead before Oladipo made Miami's first bucket. They started the night 0-14 from the floor.
Tonight they'll probably end up scoring 30 in the first quarter.
But in Game 4, the Celtics defense was outstanding. I love Marcus Smart and am taking nothing away from him, they need him, but to me, Robert Williams is their most important defender. They're a completely different team with him in the middle. Miami starters COMBINED for 18 points.
Anything can happen in South Beach. We've seen through this series that homecourt doesn't really matter. It's more so who won the last game because the other team bounces back red hot the next night. I don't want to play a Game 7 on the road, even with the best player in the series. Congrats, JT, and way to rebound in Game 4!!
I just wanna see the Celtics play a clean game tonight. Don't come out flat again. Hold on to the ball. ​If you get beat, you get beat, but I don't wanna see another 20+ turnover night, and we lost by eight because I'll go fucking crazy. Obviously, there are much bigger issues right now than a basketball game. We can't just go back to normal; change needs to happen, but at the same time, I want this fucking ring, and that takes nothing away from how much I loathe gun violence and all the other horrors plaguing us. C's in whatever it takes (hopefully 6).
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