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Apple TV+ Released Another (more in depth) Ted Lasso Season 3 Trailer

2/27/2023

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On Valentine's Day, Apple TV+ finally gave Ted Lasso fans a taste of the two-time Best Comedy Series Emmy winner's third (and potentially, but hopefully not final) season. I just turned on Youtube on my TV for some background music while I tinkered on photoshop before going to the gym, and BAM! Apple dropped another Ted Lasso S3 crumb (six hours ago).
After two viewings, I've caught the following in conjunction with the first teaser.
  • AFC Richmond's got some new kits
  • Trent Crimm looks cooler than ever
  • Sam Obisanya new captain question mark
    • In S2, Issac continues as team captain after briefly taking the armband in Roy Kent's last game. While intimidating, his leadership skills were limited at best. Did Issac get hurt or traded, or could he have abdicated the role to Sam? Sam clearly has on the captain's band during the final scene in the trailer.
I've been rewatching in preparation for S3. Today I watched the Christmas episode, so Nate's dark (or should I say grey?) turn is upcoming, but I can't wait to see how his situation with Rupert's new club plays out on the pitch! 

I simply refuse to believe this will be it for the show. Now refusing to believe something doesn't make it any less accurate, right, far-right fascists? I just have a hard time believing everybody behind such a successful and beloved show would call it quits so soon. This isn't the NFL. You don't need to retire too early to prevent brain damage. Keep chasing the bag and making killer content. You aren't Luke Kuechly. Actually, that example low key stinks because Luke probably held on too long. Ted Lasso hanging it up after three seasons is somewhere between Chris Borland and Blake Martinez, except they were as well-decorated as Kuechly.

If I watch it again and slow shit down like the Zapruder Film, I'm sure I'll pick up even more deets, but I'm trying to improve my idea-to-finished product efficiency (holy shit I spelt that right first try). We're not going into extra time here. Ted Lasso is back in like two weeks, and I can't fucking wait!
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A Quickish s/o to the Boston Celtics

2/27/2023

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I LOVE THIS TEAM!!!!!

Tunnel moments ☘️

Joe Mazzulla, Jaylen Brown, Rob Williams, and Marcus Smart head into the locker room after a big win in Philly pic.twitter.com/kIYMc2hIAF

— Celtics on NBC Sports Boston (@NBCSCeltics) February 26, 2023
In my younger days, when Boston sports meant more to me than essentially every part of human existence (2001-2020ish), my true "favorite" team swapped more than a 70s or 2023 key party.

There's been this mostly truthful narrative over that era about Boston being the city of champions (it is), but if we're being honest, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are primarily responsible for that title. Of course, the once-great Boston Red Sox and their 4-0 World Series record helped. As I gain some steam, I realize this might not be super quick, but it's a new week, and I'm just freestyling. I could be a tad baked ziti right now. Sue me (don't really, though).

I feel like I've written the following sentence 60 different ways over the life of DOL, but I know how "lucky" Boston sports fans are to experience this bevy of 21st-century championships. That being said, the Boston Celtics are only responsible for one of the region's 12 big four titles since 2001 (as are their landlord Boston Bruins; both are 1-2 in their respective league's finals since 2001.)

I love the Celtics, but even during my best days, I've been a 40-60ish game-a-season guy. I know what's going on and try to watch as much as I can, but life happens, and sometimes there are just better things to do than watch C's-Pistons on a Wednesday night. I wanted to watch C's-Sixers with my bois Saturday, but the Newport cobblestone was hot on a 20-degree night, and I had to make a business decision. That's not to say I didn't sneak some peaks on YoutubeTV when I was totally pulled over and not in the mini screen in the corner of my GPS, but I missed the WILD ENDING in real time :(
There were days when I was the stereotypical boastful Boston fan, but 18-1 will change a teenage boy forever. Throughout my fandom, I've evolved. Hell, I've even abandoned, but I'm rarely the confident this-team-is-going-to win-it-all guy.

I mean, I hope the C's take home the Larry OB trophy this summer. After coming so close last year, I want it baaad. But I'm also a realist. Currently owning the best record in the NBA (barely) does not mean a damn thing in the playoffs. This isn't exactly groundbreaking stuff here, but from a casual viewpoint (but growing every day now that football's over...I watched enough Clippers-Nuggets last night to see Jokić's weird sex/kitty/hard foul? scratches) it's pretty wide open.

Can we get this man some shooting sleeves or a band aid? Jeez wtf happened pic.twitter.com/syObvQuppy

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 27, 2023
Giannis is hurt, but the Bucks haven't lost in basically a month. The West is loaded. Even though Philly is Philly, they're still a good basketball team. Those fuckers in Miami are never dead. I'm well aware that Banner 18 is no sure thing.

This Celtics team has had its fair share of championship Blu-ray moments this year, and Tatum's game-winner Saturday night is one of them. I have to give some love to my man Big Al though. It's still hard to believe how great he's been for us in his second stint after how low things got for him while he was away. I feel like there was a "he's cooked" narrative going around, but in reality, Al is cooking. Holy fuck I wanna hit myself for that corniness, but I'm soooo bummed I didn't get to see Big Al rain FIVE three balls in the second half. I would've been so fucking fired up.

After a scoreless first half, Al Horford shot 4-for-4 from 3-point range in the 3Q, tying his career-high for most 3PM in a quarter. pic.twitter.com/6x8oz081zU

— Taylor Snow (@taylorcsnow) February 26, 2023
I love Al. I hope to fit into his shirsey someday soon!
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2018 ECF Game 2
Game-winning 3 balls help people forget about poor shooting nights (a decent second half made the numbers less ugly), but as good as JT is (and he's only getting better), he's still mixing in too many like 3/18 nights. It's not rocket science, but the Boston Celtics cannot win a championship if Jayson has two of those nights in a seven-game series. Despite more ugly shooting percentage nights than you'd like to see from a young star, there's no denying the clutchness of Jayson Tatum.​

Updated: Since the NBA started tracking play-by-play data in 1996, there are 155 players who have attempted 25+ FGs to tie or take the lead in the final 24 seconds of the 4th quarter (playoffs included).

Jayson Tatum ranks 1st out of 155 with a 51.7% field goal percentage.

— Tucker Boynton (@Tucker_TnL) February 26, 2023
Masked Jaylen's been eating (don't forget 35 in the ASG!).

Masked Jaylen Brown

30 points 11-24 FG, 3-5 3P, 5-7 FT
26 points 10-21 FG, 2-4 3P, 4-5 FT

pic.twitter.com/oFs984lL2m

— Colin (@CM1661) February 26, 2023

Appreciate two elements of elite basketball, all in one play:

1. *Center* Robert Williams sprints down the floor and beats all of Philly - namely, the opposing center - to the other end.
2. Jaylen Brown threads the needle with a perfect pass to Williams for the assist. pic.twitter.com/2veWXdomTm

— Marc D'Amico (@Marc_DAmico) February 26, 2023
This team is deeeeep, and I'm trying to enjoy the ride. Wins like Saturday's are fantastic, but I'm ready for the playoffs. I want Spring. I'm so over winter. Home court adv would be nice, but we saw last year when the Celtics won the East in Miami; it's not essential. I want to be healthy. When our best starting 5 is healthy, we're hard to beat. Just like in real life, health is number one.

Last 27 games they all started

PF/G - 114.4
PA/G - 99.2

DIFF/G - (+15.2)

(24-0) when scoring 100 or more points pic.twitter.com/Yg5qd83s0g

— Boston Sports Info (@bostonsportsinf) February 26, 2023
I worked late Saturday, then was with family all day yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to say it, but that game that I saw like 9 minutes of was fucking awesome. I haven't been back to the Garden for a game (I was there in September for Florence) since Game 6, but that's likely changing soon. I need to get to one of these last home games. When the C's return to the Finals, I wanna be there. I fucking love this team, and it's been a while since we've won it all. Like yes, I know, all four Boston teams have won, and some fanbases are still waiting for their first ring. Like, think about Minnesota fans. Outside of the Twins 30 years ago, it's been bleak AF. I feel for those people. But when you're always in the mix and constantly a contender, getting close and not sealing the deal may be worse. The Boston Celtics won their 17th championship on June 17th, 2008. According to a date calculator, that's 5369 days ago. It's been nearly 15 years. I'm 31. That was half a lifetime ago. I was just wrapping up my sophomore year of HS and had a fucking buzz cut.

I'm enjoying the ride, but I also don't wanna sound like some loser who's cool with not winning. I want this C's team to win it all a lot. It's been four whole years since Boston's last parade. If I'm as down as many LBs as I hope to be in late June, I can't think of a better place than a C's parade to add to the whore summer tour. I've got some serious time to make up for.

I guess that's pretty much it for this quickish s/o to the Boston Celtics. I can't say it enough, I love this team. the 44-17 C's are at MSG tonight, and that's a game I will certainly be watching. Him has been beaten to death lately, ladies, gentlemen, theydies, and gentlethems; I present Jayson TatHIM.
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Song of the Day: February 27th, 2023

2/27/2023

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Song: Karma Police 
Artist: Radiohead
Album: OK Computer (1997)​
This is me now. I finally get it.

I never thought the day would come but I’m really starting to fw Radiohead. This is aging in real time

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 25, 2023
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Shrinking on AppleTV+ is a Hashtag MUST WATCH

2/24/2023

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I know there are 94 different streaming services to keep up with to the point where conventional cable almost makes more sense, but this is how life is now. Sure, it's total bullshit that multiple streaming places have returned to once-a-week releases. I mean, I get why they do it. It's let the show be in the public consciousness longer. That makes sense to me. If you spit out 10-15 episodes at once, people will binge it within two weeks (usually within two days), and then your show slowly sinks to the depths of the internet ocean. AppleTV+'s Shrinking is just so good that I wish I got it all at once. I hate waiting!

Last Thursday, I started watching Shrinking. At this point, four episodes were out, which was perfect for me because it did allow me to get into a mini-binge. It's about a bunch of therapists, but Jason Segal's character, Jimmy, is the protagonist (s/o junior year English). He decides to try a different approach to help his patients---
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---with brutal honesty. Like when Jimmy tells SNL's Heidi Gardner (Grace) and her juicy boobies to leave her scumbag husband.
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There are other examples too, but the photo selection for this show is limited; plus, she wouldn't have let them thangs breathe if they didn't want niche bloggers to talk about them. Also, I'm not a spoiler guy, and I'm tryna be vague as possible while also giving you enough detail to be like, "okay I'll check it out."

​Jimmy's wife, Tia, died in a car accident before the series started. They don't give you an exact date when she died, but it's been a little over a year. Jimmy's understandably had a rough go of it, which has sort of caused him to neglect his teenage daughter, Alice (don't feel weird, she's actually 21).​
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At the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center where Jimmy works, he has an awesome coworker named Gaby. She's tight with Jimmy and was his dead wife's best friend. As a water guy, I deeply appreciate her dedication to h2o.
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Their superior is Dr. Paul Rhoades, played by Harrison Ford. Paul has Parkinson's and is juggling all that entails. He's got an excellent strategy for dealing with unhappiness and low key fucks with THC.
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He also secretly meets with Alice to discuss dealing with the loss of her mother and her current relationship with her dad. Their interactions are always super cute.
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Shrinking was created by Bill Lawrence (Scrubs, Ted Lasso), Jason Segal, and Brett Goldstein (Roy Kent on Ted Lasso). It's definitely a dramedy, but there are plenty of laughs in every episode. This is where I get self-conscious as a writer, but as someone who's been going to therapy for the last four years, I fucking love this show. It's incredible. You fall for the cast almost immediately. I haven't even gotten into Sean, Brian, Liz, or Liz's husband yet. Brian's arc is beautiful, and I can't wait to see where it goes. The emotions in this show are so fucking raw and honest. I love seeing this side of mental health professionals. I'm sure it's frustrating to hear people complain constantly and not make the easy choices to fix their lives. 

New episodes drop on Fridays, and so far, there's been six. They're about a half hour each, although the first one was a little longer. I've seen other articles saying it too, but it is super cool to see an 80-year-old playing an 80-year-old and the health issues that come with that. Shrinking is very Grace and Frankie in that way. Oh, the soundtrack is fucking awesome too. I cannot recommend Shrinking enough. AppleTV+ is worth it, but if you're an iPhone user, which statistically, you probably are...if you don't have Apple One, you're fucking up!
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Song of the Day: February 24th, 2023

2/24/2023

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Song: Second Dinner
Artist: Donny Benét
Album: Mr. Experience (2020)
I fucking love this guy!
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Well, I Guess I Found Out What I'm Doing Today

2/22/2023

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So, I'm sorta new to this being up before 3 pm thing, and as I was getting ready to post today's SOD on my IG story, I was like, man, WTF am I gonna do today? I already caught a Madden W and have a chiro appointment at 4:30; you gotta get some Barstool caliber blogs out (but about what?!), then bam, I see this!
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View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Patriots Hall of Fame (@patriotshall)

I actually have a free pass to the Pats HOF on my dresser as we speak. There are more ways to make content than simply the written word (even though that's my favorite). Your boi's gonna rinse off and go say what up to THE Greatest Ringless Patriot of the Belichick era. IMO, Logan Mankins is a Hall of Famer. The fact that he wasn't on the 2014 Patriots is so fucking bittersweet, and idk if I'll have the balls to say that IRL, but I'll sure be thinking it. Fuck this is dope. I'm jazzed up. He'll be the second former Patriot lineman I've spoken to before. On the 4th of July 2009 (summer going into my senior year of HS), I worked at Narragansett Town Beach, and Dan Koppen came with his family. I was working the entrance he came in at with a buddy who also happened to be in my advisory, and I was like, damn that's Dan Koppen. I wasn't positive even though he was literally wearing a Pro Bowl tank top (2007 was his lone appearance), but I worked up the courage to leave my post, walk onto the beach, and ask him if he was Dan Koppen. He said he was, and I said I didn't wanna bother him and his family just wanted to s/o him out, mention how I'm a lineman too and wish him good luck for the upcoming season. I gotta hurry so I can see my guy, get this autograph, and pay my respects to a legend. The man played a whole year with a torn ACL. I'll have to tell Logan about that Koppen encounter when we chill, and obvi I'll find a way to pepper this in.

I wouldn’t wish back pain on anybody. Not even fascists. Nobody deserves this shit. But it’s the price you pay to be a key returner AND loss for a 1-7 D3 high school team in our nation’s smallest state pic.twitter.com/ERaKRcOLv2

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) August 9, 2022

I used to use my helmet as a weapon so much on the O-Line back in the late 2000s. Probably explains why my brain is trying to destroy me. Local paper said I was a key loss for a 1-7 team in the smallest state in America though, so I’d do it all over again in a second.

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) January 2, 2021

Found this while cleaning so I might as well hang it up for my 29th bday karaoke dozanza #keyreturner & #keyloss pic.twitter.com/8UEkpCz2mw

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) December 17, 2022

Grant just gave me PTSD from up downs in high school football (where I was a key loss AND returner in the Narragansett Times)

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) May 15, 2022

(Tight end/H-back for those wondering where & yes I was a key loss for a 1-7 team in 2009…also a key returner going into 09…lost our best coach to suspension for calling his daughter’s basketball coach a cunt & 3rdish best player due to a selfish off-field injury!) pic.twitter.com/yMFCw4088m

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) April 4, 2022

The hotel mattress was nice but too soft for my liking and now my back is in complete disarray. The tin foil is in shambles. I wouldn’t wish back pain on my worst enemy. Guess that’s the price of being a key loss for a 1-7 (3-8 overall) HS football team. DSM.

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) March 13, 2022

If the Colts need any help on the o-line I was a “key loss” for a football team that went 1-7 in 2009 & will play for the league minimum

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) December 26, 2021

I am an option guy but I feel like that’s not the move down 21. What do I know though? I was only a key loss (and a key returner going into the season) for a 1-7 D3 HS team 11 years ago.

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) January 2, 2021

When I inevitably die prematurely if there’s headlines saying failed blogger or mention all the goals I gave up in high school lax, I hope a few people are like yo that’s fucked—Dozo was also a key returner AND key loss for a 3-8 (1-7) football team in the local paper

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) June 2, 2022

Let it be known I was a key loss o lineman for a 1-7 team in the nation's smallest state after a graduated (11 years & 100 + pounds ago)

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) January 10, 2022

Let it be known I was a key loss o lineman for a 1-7 team in the nation's smallest state after a graduated (11 years & 100 + pounds ago)

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) January 10, 2022
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Song of the Day: February 22nd, 2023

2/22/2023

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Song: Always Get This Way
Artist: The Aces
Album: I've Loved You For So Long (2023)
The Aces are one of the most under-appreciated bands in music rn. I've fw'd with them since I first heard them in 2016 or 17. I love their sound. "Always Get This Way" came up on my "New Music Mix" on apple, and I was like, oh, new Aces tunes? LFG!! They did not disappoint.
Fuck it; we're going with a lil bit of two-for-Wednesday, as the old saying goes. This just autoplayed, and I think I like it more than the actual SOD, but for now, it's an uncredited quasi-P.S. post.
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EA is Apparently Going to Actually Try to Improve Madden??

2/21/2023

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Report: Madden NFL 24 will be a “make or break” release for the franchise.

Big changes are coming.

The negative response to the game, which management believes is completely justified, has forced many inside EA to have a “now or never” mentality, per @InsiderGamingIG pic.twitter.com/vBrmrBPPjS

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) February 21, 2023
Madden is my favorite video game. I played a couple games before I started blogging today. I've gotten almost every year's game since I was in middle school. Anybody with a brain knows the product has been trash for far too long.

EA knows that there are plenty of football fans (like the dude writing this blog) addicted to the thrill of competition and outsmarting strangers. So they update the rosters, change two things (usually the kicking meter), and call it a day. It's fucked. I stopped playing franchise mode a couple of years ago and didn't realize there was a significant issue with file corruption. I just learned this during blog prep and was pretty shocked.
via: Insider Gaming
Madden 23 has been caught up in controversy after controversy over the last few months, and EA management has taken notice. Sources have told Insider Gaming that Madden 24 is a "make or break" release for the franchise.

"The discount for players who lost their franchise is only the beginning," one close to the game’s development said. "EA has big plans for Madden 24 and the management of the game knows how big of a year it is. Not just for the game, but for their future in their positions."


The discount being referred to is the 50% discount EA announced for any Madden 23 players that lost their Connected Franchise save due to an update pushed by the team at EA Tiburon causing save files to become corrupted. Those players will also receive an invite to the game’s closed beta.

Another source says that the game's sales ultimately won’t matter as much for Madden 24. If the game releases and suffers similar issues to Madden 23, it’s going to lead to a lot of change among the game's leadership.
​

The negative response to the game, which management believes is completely justified by the franchise corruption issues, has forced many inside EA Tiburon to have a "now or never" mentality surrounding the franchise.

Since EA has an exclusive license to produce the only NFL video game, they've been mailing it in since Brett Favre was behind center (and long before he defrauded poor people). The lack of competition has caused the product to suffer (no way??). I'm glad to see them at least vocalize that change is coming.

I love John Madden. He is football. His name being on the game used to mean something. When I started playing Madden, it was his voice on the call. All the fans are asking for is a game that doesn't suck. Take some pride in your work one fucking time, EA. How is it that Madden 04 is significantly better than any game of the last decade? Madden 04 is gonna turn 20 years old this fall!!! Imagine if all technology peaked in 2004??

Sometimes I feel like football fans, in general, sort of romanticize NFL 2K5, but I had that game, and it was fucking incredible. All the hype is valid AF. First off, it was only $20. The gameplay was so ahead of its time. How is it that I'm in my 30s, and football games were at their best when I was a tween?

I wrote a filler blog last about the 10 Madden Commandments, and tbh it's not my best work (I lost stream after like 6 things I was really passionate about), but I think most Madden fans agree there are some simple solutions to improve the game. I'm gonna spitball a few and that will be it for this blog. I don't need to get on my soapbox about how greed and a lack of competition (what are those a product of again?) lead to the demise of one of the premiere video games ever created. Let's just hope the game improves, and if it doesn't, hopefully some other company takes the reins and comes up with something better. Here's some free advice from your boi Ole Dozo to bring Madden back to its former glory and beyond.
  • Bring back the mini-games from Madden 04 (they may have been in other games too). Coffin corner punting made special teams fun. The tackling drills were great. This is a no-brainer fix.
  • Improve gameplay. It's way too easy to score and impossible to play defense. Unless you force a turnover, it's way too hard to play D. Also, I know superstars are superstars, but it's so unrealistic when they have Mahomes or Allen flick the ball 75 yards effortlessly.
  • Give players secondary positions. Most sports games have this feature, and it's fucking stupid that you can use Deebo Samuel in his wide-back role with the 49ers, but he's rated as a 0 overall running back and fumbles every other carry. He's probably like a 81 overall as a running back. It does the same thing with DL that play FB. Like yeah, if you put Tom Brady at running back, he's a 0 overall, but Deebo's rushed for 782 yards and 13 scores as a part-time back.
    • To build off this, you should accurately be able to put any player in any position. This was a feature in Madden 04, and I broke the single-game reception record with Tedy Bruschi. It's a video game!!!
  • Simplify create-a-playbook. I loved making custom playbooks a few years back, but it's either unavailable or much less user-friendly now...can't remember which! lol
  • Fix Franchise Mode (self-explanatory)
  • Bring back classic and current game scenarios.
    • You used to be able to plug yourself into these situations and try to recreate or rewrite history. It was super fun and should be in every game and updated frequently.
  • Improve create-a-team in every possible aspect.
  • Fix postgame replays.
    • How is it that a 7-yard carry in the 2nd quarter will have a highlight video but not a game-winning touchdown?
  • I wouldn't mind more on-screen graphics with stats.
    • Like in 2K, where the player with the ball can have their stats in the top corner, it should be the same with ball-carriers after each play. 
  • More throwback uniforms
    • There are a solid amount of options, but not all. Like I use the AFL version of the Pats white throwbacks, but not the ones they used from 1970-1992, which are different!! 
      • There are multiple examples of this where only one version of throwback is available instead of both road and home.
        • Now that I say that, you used to be able to mix & match. Bring that shit back too!
I'm sure there's more, but I think that's plenty of free advice for a company that actively robs its users. I love John Madden and hope the game named after him can get back to its glory days or find a new home that will give it the respect it deserves.
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Song of the Day: February 21st, 2023

2/21/2023

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Song: Yes I'm Changing
Artist: Tame Impala
Album: Currents (2015)
Would you believe this is Tame Impala's first appearance as a dozonlife.com song of the day in 2023?? I was shocked too. My favorite solo artist that's also a band likely holds the record for most SOD appearances, but when it's low key been 3 years since their last album it's much easier to mix others in.

I've been on a huge 90s kick for the last few months. I listen to STP everyday at the gym. I still play Currents straight-through (ok I usually skip Nangs) like twice a week so fuck it, it's getting some love today before another prolific writing day by one the world's greatest untapped resources (my brain). DOL diehards know it's my all-time favorite album.

Your boi is on fire rn. I am in a great place and things are only looking up. I'm getting my hashtag good guy on big time next week when I donate some of my luscious locks to someone in need.

Outside of owing a disgusting unfair amount of taxes, life is actually going super well rn & I am the happiest I’ve been in years. About to crush my hour on the bike. LFG!

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 21, 2023

It’s never too late to turn shit around. I used to weigh 426 lbs (maybe even more!) & I’ve taken my life back. Still have miles to go but I’m moving forward. Whatever your struggle is you’re good enough to tackle it and get the life YOU deserve.

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 21, 2023

It’s never too late to turn shit around. I used to weigh 426 lbs (maybe even more!) & I’ve taken my life back. Still have miles to go but I’m moving forward. Whatever your struggle is you’re good enough to tackle it and get the life YOU deserve.

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 21, 2023
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I'm Willing to Bet My Entire Reputation that Jonathan Gannon Will Be a Complete Failure In Arizona

2/20/2023

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There's been plenty of stuff going on domestically and abroad, so it's super understandable if you missed the lowly Arizona Cardinals hiring their new head coach, but that's why ya boi Ole Dozo is here.

I appreciate advanced numbers and analytics. I value their importance, but sometimes you have to go off vibes and vibes alone. This case is one of them. How can you expect this goober to lead grown-ass men?

Bird Gang.

We got our guy. pic.twitter.com/S9bB6Am347

— Arizona Cardinals (@AZCardinals) February 14, 2023
Those eyes have about as much life in them as JFK and chapstick is legal in all 50 states, my guy!
The Arizona Cardinals are historically one of the biggest laughing stocks in not just the NFL but all big four Northern American sports, so it is no surprise that they'd replace Kliff Kingsbury with Murr from Impractical Jokers' hardo twin.Let's not forget they haven't had a tight end record a 100-yard game since 1989!

I'm well aware that my blogs don't exactly capture a ton of eyeballs and that my social media presence (despite my efforts) is all but existent, so what I'm about to say doesn't mean much,,, but damnit, I'm a man. And a man is nothing without his word. I am giving you, the loyal DOL reader, my word that Jonathan Gannon will be a complete failure in Arizona.

Full disclosure, I didn't know this dude's name when he was Eagles DC, but his defense did give up 31 points to a gimpy Patrick Mahomes, that was barely on the field. I've never seen more open receivers than Kadarius Toney and Skyy Moore's touchdowns in my football life.

Kadarius Toney WALK IN TD! â–¡

We’ve got ourselves a game…

(via @NFL)pic.twitter.com/Soy9A0jh3B

— FOX Sports: NFL (@NFLonFOX) February 13, 2023

Chiefs were in the wrong formation. â–¡Patrick Mahomes noticed and called the audible at the last minute to motion to the other side! The end result was a wide open Skyy Moore for the TD! Absolutely incredible! â–¡ pic.twitter.com/dnTlKAq223

— Brad Henson Productions (@BradHensonPro) February 19, 2023
I understand there's much more to being a good head coach than your charisma. Bill Belichick exists, and I've watched him for over 2/3s of my life. Maybe if Twitter existed in 2000 and the Pats forced Bill to record some corny ass video, his would fucking suck too, but even if that were the case, eight-year-old Dozie wouldn't have noticed.

It's so much more than just that intro video. Here's Gannon interacting with some of his players.

The Cardinals really hired Michael Scott lmfao pic.twitter.com/V0Y7u0Qhpq

— Ravens Realest □ (@Ravens_Realest) February 17, 2023
I am judging this book by its cover, and if I'm wrong, hand up; that's on me, but I don't think I will be. This man may be a nice guy and a good father. I'm not saying that he's not. I know basically nothing about him. Maybe he loves Tame Impala and Mac DeMarco, and I'm going to feel like a real jerk, but based on that mug, I doubt it.
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That's a man who thinks music is a waste of time. I've also seen comps to Pee Wee Herman and the robot legs guy from Grandma's Boy. The second I watched that intro video, I called my shot.

This guy screams 3-14 https://t.co/NWZ7Kplnqu

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 15, 2023
I was earlier to this story than most. Over the weekend, people started realizing this guy may be a serial-killer or at the very least a creep and I decided to double-down.

Holy shit he was on the Bobby Pitrino Falcons—there wasn’t much quality control going on there!! pic.twitter.com/Q0caKVOZQH

— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) February 19, 2023
People forget that In 2020, shortly after the Natty, I bet a toe that Joe Burrow (barring injury) would make the Pro Football HOF.
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I feel great about that idiotic (in hopes of blowing up) wager and am following that stunt up with the tattoo tweet. If Jonathan Gannon lasts over three seasons, I will get a square-inch Arizona Cardinals tattoo on a TBD section of my body. I wish I gave a record he has to match or beat, but that's the tweet I put out there, and I'm gonna respect it (especially since it currently has 0 likes).

Now, the contract situation could fuck me. Idk how much guaranteed money this dude has on the table. I could be setting myself up for failure, especially since he's gonna get a free year due to Kyler's ACL tear, but fuck it, we're already here and I'm writing my 5th blog of the day. I have plenty of square inches to spare on this ever-shrinking body of mine. Getting it on loose skin that eventually gets removed is fair game!!
Come 2026 (it's gross to see that written out), Jonathan Gannon will no longer be the head coach of the Arizona Cardinals, and if he is, I'll get a tattoo of their logo. Should I pussy out, you can ridicule me, as I clearly risked my reputation in this blog's title.

Also, calling the Arizona Cardinals "the birds," or "bird gang" is fucking outrageous. It's like when people call the White Sox "the Sox." They're not.

This is why learning history is important, people!!! The Lions hired Matt Patricia after his defense got shredded in a Super Bowl, and the Arizona Cardinals have not learned from Detroit's mistakes and Patricia's 13-29-1 record. Gannon's defense that was allegedly one of the best in the league couldn't get off the field or force a stop in the second half (even after a 17-play 45 minute drive by the Eagles offense that gave them plenty of rest).

I smell 3-14, 7-10-1, then fired after a 2-5 start in 2025. This guy is a fucking dork, and professional athletes will not respect him. Plain and simple! How is somebody from the Bobby Petrino* Falcons a NFL head coach????
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