​I don't watch any of the late-night talk shows live, but as I said in my SNL/AFCCG recap blog, I'm an SNL guy. I'm subbed to Fallon's Youtube page and check out clips sometimes.

​S/O whoever clips up the show and already has this extended Gronk interview clip out because I just watched it while playing Game 2 of the 2024 NBA Finals on PS4, and it warms my heart. 

If he were playing, Rob Gronkowski would still be one of the best TEs in the league, but if he truly is finished for good (Gronk mentions he got calls this season but never names names...other than his former teammates), I hope we get more of this Gronk. He shows off the big personality that made us (me) fall in love with him while he caught touchdowns and eviscerated linebackers and defensive backs.

I'm worried that Gronk's relationship with the Pats isn't super chill rn based on his takes in a recent interview and Bill being Bill, but Gronk will always be my dude. I wish we got more of him (he missed 36 games during his Patriot career and was significantly hampered in SB46), but in his time on the field in Foxboro, he still managed to become the best TE in NFL history. Numbers don't tell the whole story, but even with all those missed games, his are pretty damn good. Bernard Pollard will burn in hell for what he did to this lovable monster! Hopefully, 87's relationship with the organization will heal. Maybe I'm just getting worked up over nothing, but I'll always love Gronk. He's arguably my all-time favorite Patriot. He's the embodiment of everything great in life. Regardless of fandom, you likely fuck with Gronk. My favorite Patriot Mt. Rushmore is Brady, Gronk, Vince and a 50-way tie for 4th because it's all about the team.

​I'm not trying to turn DOL into me merely recommending Youtube videos, but Rob was on Fallon tonight (it's currently 1:33 am) and absolutely crushed. He gave his Super Bowl pick, spoke about his outstanding charity work, and promoted his "Kick of Destiny" Super Bowl event. Apparently, he made a 33-yarder in high school. 

If I ever got to talk to Gronk, it would be like Chris Farley interviewing Paul McCartney, except we're both Chris Farley. Travis Kelce wishes he was this cool.

P.S.

I got a video of Gronk eating a BL smooth at the Pats Super Bowl LI parade. If he were healthy there would've never been 28-3, so at least something positive came out of him missing 11 games that season.

This was one of the many videos I watched during to my 60 minute bike session at Planet Fitness yesterday. Great performance. Woodstock '94 version.

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I'm not a real Bengals fan, but by proxy, I care about their success. One of my best friends is a lifelong Bengals fan. As someone blessed to experience like a dozen Boston championships with no emotional connection to the Sox or Bruins anymore, I'm sort of in the Andrew Carnegie philanthropic era of my sports fandom. 

There are still teams I don't fuck with and never want to succeed, like the Yankees, Lakers, Jets, Steelers, Ravens, Astros, Providence College Friars etc., but I want to see my friends experience the joy I've felt countless times. I was happy when the Milwaukee Bucks won it all in 2021 cause I've got a buddy who's loved the Bucks his entire life. I used to loathe the Canadiens (now I don't really give a fuck) and even wanted to see them win that Covid Cup in '21 for my buddy Z.

I'm still pretty bummed and upset about the game last night. I try not to be a blame-the-refs-guy, but that shit was atrocious. I've never seen someone get a literal do-over before. I felt ill watching the zebras do everything they could to ensure the Chiefs won. It really makes you question things #NFLRigged.

​I had a lot riding on the game financially and wanted the Bengals back in the Super Bowl for my guy. That game was soul-crushing. It was the closest feeling I've had to one of my teams losing that wasn't one of my squads. Ya boi was not in a good mood. Games 4-6 vs. the Warriors vibes. So when I got home, I put on SNL to try and get some laughs in, and man, am I glad I did.

I've been into SNL since I was a kid. It's an institution. I think it's so lame to bash SNL, especially when you don't watch it. Like I'm not gonna lie, I used to do that with millions of different things, but I'm maturing and trying not to be that way anymore. Of course, most people hold the casts from when they were younger in a special place. The Sudekis-Hader-Wiig-Armisen-Samberg-Forte years have a special place in my heart (I love the late 90s and early 2000s casts, too), but SNL is still funny. Sure, not every skit is a home run, but the current cast is SOLID, and magic happens when there's a great host.

Michael B. Jordan crushed it, or should I say, "Michael B crushin'." I love how he poked fun at himself and the sad court-side photo in his monologue. Every skit was at least ok, but most had me dying laughing, which I needed after the refs utterly fucked the decent people of Cincinnati and me. I legit forgot about the game for the approximately 45 minutes it takes to watch an episode of SNL on the DVR when you skip the commercials and musical guest.

I haven't watched the all-22 yet, but there were at least three should be holding calls on Orlando Brown that went uncalled. The man was giving hugs all night long.

The cold open was great, MBJ killed his monologue (and Ego looked damn good in her wedding dress). There wasn't a bad skit all night but here's my top 5. If you need a good laugh, check these out.

#5. Video Game Session

Easy, brotha...My wife's on this app!

Bowen and MBJ had great chemistry here. I could tell where the punchline was going with the fight, but it was still hilarious. I'd play this game, and I haven't played a fighter game since Tekken 3!

​s/o Eddy Gordo ​

4. Roller Coaster Accident

The physical comedy in this skit is fantastic. The props remind me of the fully paid-for Smile Direct Club aligners I have sitting in a dusty purple box. I should probably use them in prep for Dozie's whore boi summer '23. I have a giant crush on Sarah Sherman (which really shows how much I've grown as a person). She's hysterical and low-key, super cute. I'd love to eat Buffalo mozzarella, drink gross IPAs with her and talk about bands. I have a theory that she dresses so zany to take away from her beauty to be taken more seriously as a comedian and not just the hot weirdo she presents. 

#3. Jake from State Farm

The details in this commercial gone wrong are outstanding. That sad sandwich LOL. The twist at the end had me geeking out. 

#2. Party in Palm Springs

If I had any negative remarks about this episode, it's that they went a little heavy on the MJB is hot jokes, but were fucking funny, and I'm a big no limits in comedy guy. Sure, there'd be a bunch of annoying internet shit if the roles were reversed here, but it was still a hysterical skit. Giving Heidi's character a Galaxy was a perfect touch. All the ladies looked great, but Punkie's never looked better. Sup?

#1. King Brothers Toyota

This skit was straight out of ITYSL, and I mean that in the best way possible. James Austin Johnson is low-key the funniest guy in the cast, and he's not even a full-timer. His impressions are fantastic, but here, he shows he can play regular people too, like one half of a brother team of Texan Toyota slingers. This skit killed me. I've never had Raising Cane's, but it does look incredible, but most jacked Toyota salesmen Brian Patmore is spilling their secret Cane's sauce recipe if they don't leave Exit 260. Take that left HARD, you sales warriors in Christ.

That concludes my "SNL sorta helped me get over the rigged AFC Championship Game for like 45 minutes" blog. Of course the Bengals had plenty of self-inflicted wounds, but the refs did them no favors. If you haven't watched that SNL yet, at least check out a few of these skits. Fuck Roger Goodell. Wah, wah, wah, bitch I'm Ole Dozie.

In less than 30 seconds, I knew this would end up on my best of 2023 list. I loveee this beat. Arlo's voice is so peaceful and cool. "I don't wanna wait for you, but I need you, so I won't go." I fucking feel that rn more than you'll ever know.

I've used this exact intro before but damnit it's perfect and we're playing the hits at 3:09 am as I pound my keyboard.

​Conference Championship Sunday is one of the most bittersweet days on the sports calendar.

Bitter because after tonight, we only have one more NFL game until September. But sweet because we've got some incredible matchups (on paper) in what should be a great day of football. 

Last week my picks went 3-1 (although I bet Giants ML because I am addicted to plus signs and stupid). The Bills are the frauds I've been saying they are all season. What an embarrassing home loss!

Josh Allen fumbled the game away moments after I hit send (plz disregard me saying the Vikings are legit af).

​We've got an incredible slate ahead of us; let's fullback dive into the games! Before we do, the idea of playing one Conference Championship Game on Sunday and the other on Monday is idiotic. If the league does that, I'm obviously not gonna stop watching, but I will be upset for at least a little while!

NFC Championship Game:
San Fransisco 49ers @ Philadelphia Eagles. 3:00 pm. Fox.

​During the last couple weeks of the regular season, I had a take that the NFCCG would end up being Packers @ Bucs because the whole conference is fraudulent, and those two QBs could still go on a run. Here we sit on game day with the top two seeds facing off for the George Halas Trophy. Maybe there's a reason I'm like 3-48 this season gambling.

I love that we're going to see the league's top offense vs. the league's top defense. That's what playoff football is all about. Studs vs. Studs. Dude-on-dude action. Cinderella runs can be fun, but sometimes chalk is cool. Historically the top defense has the edge in playoff matchups (this data only goes up to 2021, but what I said is still "facts"), but it's a lot closer than you'd think.

I'd rather see the Niners win. I love Kittle. Deebo is a stud, even with his dip in production. They use a fullback. Great uniforms. Sure they lie about their location in their team name, but they're far from the only team in the league that takes some geographic liberties.

Speaking of liberty. Philly has had quite a sports year. Their MLS team made it to the finals. The Phillies won the pennant. The 6ers are the East's current two seed, but the Eagles are that scumbag city's pride and joy. The Linc is gonna be rocking, and even though I have yet to be right about Brock Purdy turning into a pumpkin...today is the day. Rookie QBs are winless in conference championship appearances, and he's a fucking square. Being a God guy is fine, but idc how old you are; if that's your take on reefer, you can kick rocks.​

He's played well since taking over for Jimmy G, but the competition over that stretch isn't all that impressive. Has he been down two scores at any point? Shanahan is a great coach, and you know he'll scheme up an outstanding opening script, but if the Niners are down 14 at any point in this game, is Brock Purdy really gonna dig them out of that hole?

That situation is something I could see playing out because the Eagles, as great as they've been this year, have a problem where they have one huge quarter (usually the 2nd), then stop scoring. It's a while back, but in Week 3, they beat the Commies 24-8, and all 24 points came in the 2nd quarter. The following week when they beat Jacksonville 29-21, 20 of their points came in the 2nd quarter. In week 6, they beat Dallas 26-17; you guessed it, 20 of those points came in the 2nd quarter. Week 6 was a long time ago, but that trend is something to think about going into this game.

I heard this on PMT, but I agree and could've easily come up with myself...with both of these coaches, I wouldn't be shocked to see some crazy 4th shit to try to steal a possession. It wouldn't shock me at all to see one of these teams face like a 4th & 2 from their own 38-yard line on the opening drive and go for it to send a message. I feel something funky coming. You know Shanahan goes crazy in the playoffs, and Sirianni has some Charlie Kelly wild card in him for sure.

San Fran has been a great story this year. They've been the exception to the rule, with QB play being the most crucial part of today's NFL, butttttt I think this is the week their Mr. Irrelevant QB looks as such. Is this dude really the next Brady or Kurt Warner? There's like 80 QBs who are currently alive that could win with this roster. Fuck, even Kenny Stabler could make things interesting with McCaffrey, Deebo, Aiyuk, and Kittle.

Deferring is all the rage in today's NFL, but if the Eagles win the toss, I think they should elect to receive to try and make Purdy come onto the field already trailing.

Philly's already started greasing the flag poles, and you know some crazy assholes will still make their way to the top. Jalen Hurts is a winner and will lead the Eagles to the Super Bowl for the 2nd time in seven seasons. Don't be surprised if AJ Brown goes off after being a nonfactor last week.

Eagles 34
​49ers 23

AFC Championship Game:
Cincinnati Bengals @ Kansas City Chiefs. 6:30 pm. CBS.

In the American Football Conference, we have the same matchup in a Championship Game for the first time since the Ravens and Patriots met in 2011 ('12) and 2012 ('13). A decade later, the two best QBs in the league are facing off with a Super Bowl berth on the line.

Of course, the biggest question going into this matchup is the health of Patrick Mahomes. How bad is the ankle? I'd rather have Mahomes at like 65% than like 28 QBs in the league, but against a fantastic Cincy D (20.1 ppg/6th best in the NFL) with some beasts on the d-line, his mobility (or lack thereof) will likely be the difference in the game.

Time is, and always will be, a bitch. This will be Patrick Mahomes and the KC Chiefs 5th straight appearance in the AFCCG, and all five have been at home. The 2011-2018 Patriots made 8 straight AFCCGs but never played more than two straight at home. You gotta give KC their flowers for this run.

BUT, this game is Ilya-Bryzgalov-humongous-big for Kansas City. It's a swing game; they're gonna be either 3-2 or 2-3 in five straight home championship games. Should Cincy go on to win the Super Bowl, the narratives drastically alter, and the debate for the league's best QB gets even more interesting. Don't forget how awful the Chiefs were historically in home playoff games before the Mahomes era (Andy Reid was there for two home playoff losses)!

Mahomes and Kelce deserve about 58% of the "why Dozo finally won his fantasy league" pie, and Brady to Gronk will always be the greatest QB-TE duo in NFL history, but these two continue to close the gap. Because of their importance to team Cooking Up Sutton Good, I followed KC closer this year than in the past, and what Travis Kelce did this season cannot be understated: 110 receptions for 1338 yards and 12 TD. It's safe to say he was a great selection at 15 overall. He was just as dominant in the Divisional Round. 14 receptions for 98 yards and 2 TD. It's sort of a basic take, but it's true. If Cincy can keep Kelce in check, they should roll.

Now, that's much easier said than done. But in their week 13 matchup, Cincy held Kelce to just 4 grabs for 56 yards and forced his only fumble of the season in what ended up being the game's turning point. The Bengals have the guys to keep Kelce in check. "In check" could still be 7 catches for 105 and a score, but the Chiefs' weapons outside of him aren't that scary. If you can contain Kelce, you can beat KC. JuJu is a solid NFL WR; McKinnon's scored in like 93 straight games, but with no Tyreek, these aren't the same Chiefs, even if they didn't skip a beat without him from a production standpoint (1st in PPG & yards). The KC offense is a little different without his instant deep ball threat. Toney and MVS are not Tyreek Hill.

I'm biased. I love Joe Brrr. One of my best friends is a Bengals fan, and I want them to win it all for my guy, but I'm worried. I think Cincy is a better team, but Kansas City has the leg up from a coaching standpoint, and they're at home. That "Burrowhead" shit could quickly come back to haunt Cincy.

Patrick Mahomes should be MVP. He threw for 41 TDs and 5250 yards without Tyreek Hill and scored four more on the ground. Did you know he's only lost 18 games in his career as a starter (including playoffs)? But he's 0-3 vs. the Bengals the last two years.

This matchup has the potential to be the most entertaining game of the playoffs, but that's all pertinent on the health of Patrick Mahomes' right ankle. Even if he were 100%, I'd still pick Cincy. Because I respect him and think he's still gonna play well, I do think this gonna be a close game (unlike the Bengals' utter EMBARRASSMENT against the Bills in Buffalo, NY...where it was snowing). I might bet Hayden Hurst first TD.

​Bengals 34
Chiefs 27

P.S.

I got home from ub** @ 2:30ish and grinded on this blog and graphic (mostly the graphic; those take forever but I fucking love making them) until 8:45 am.#HireDozo

Double P.S.

As of 8:46 am I've peppered the following:

Eagles ML & Bengals ML parlay: +237, 1u
Hayden Hurst 1st TD, +1300, .2u
Double result: tie/CIN, +2200, .1u

​This song played during my last ub** of the night, and some cute URI ladies said I have great taste in music, so it's today's SOD. San Cisco having a similar name to one of the four teams playing today doesn't hurt, either.

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​Netflix's That 90's Show debuted last Thursday, and I've since watched it 2.7 times in preparation for this blog slash genuine enjoyment.

I LOVE That 70's Show. Iconic is a word that gets beat to death on the internet nowadays, but T70S was an iconic staple of the 2000s (at least to me). I have the DVDs of the first few seasons and remember watching the series finale live in 8th grade when I was grounded for getting into some shenanigans that would make the legends of Point Place proud and had my dad calling me a dumb ass.

I binged That 70's Show in less than two weeks on the cock to get in the spirit, which was no easy feat. It turned into a comfort show, and frankly, I miss my rewatch. The series spans from May 17th, 1976-December 31st, 1979, over 200 episodes and eight years of real-time. I'd easily put That 70's Show in my Top 10 all-time favorite shows, but this blog is about the 90s edition and my criticism/praise of it. This post will contain spoilers, so as much as I hate to turn readers away if you still haven't watched and would like to, I'd X out now.

Now that we're all alright, let's travel back in time...to July of 1995 in Point Place, WI.

Adjunct professor of the religion of Star Wars at an unnamed college, Eric Forman, his writer (with a freshly published book) wife Donna, and their daughter Leia are visiting from Chicago for 4th of July weekend. Eric and Leia are set to go to Space Camp in Alabama because when you think science, naturally, Alabama comes first to mind. However, Leia makes friends with kids from the neighborhood and wants to stay for the summer. Kitty obliges, opening up the basement for Leia as she did for Eric and his friends.

As much as I bash remakes for their laziness, I love a spin-off within the show's universe. Reboots, spin-offs, however, you want to classify them all not created equal; some feel unnecessary, but I truly enjoyed this show. It has its flaws (which we'll get to) but also has serious potential, and enough time has passed where it plays as vintage. Red and Kitty are the only returning characters with starring roles in season one and they are incredible; Red's eased a little with age, but still has wit. Kitty is funny as ever and ends up tatted by the end of the season,. All the living main characters (minus Hyde for #badguyreasons) make at least a brief appearance in these ten episodes.

​That's my first complaint. I know streaming shows usually don't have 20+ episode seasons, and that debuts are historically shorter. Still, after binging That 70's Show, which is 200 episodes over eight years (and only three and a half in 70s time), I'm scratching ---my nails down someone else's back for more! Ten inches will leave you satisfied, but ten episodes does not. It feels like things are just getting started, then bam, it's all over.

Before I tell you what else rubbed me the wrong way, let's break down the new characters.

Leia Forman (played by Callie Haverda​)

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Daughter of Eric and Donna Forman; Granddaughter of Red and Kitty Forman; Granddaughter of Bob Pinciotti.

• Leia's a combo of Eric and Donna (obviously), but feels more Eric than Donna with her nerdiness and awkwardness; as she comes out of her shell, we see the Donna side
• Before this summer, she had never kissed a boy or drank a beer
• She's on the debate team at her high school
• She turns 15 over the summer while in Point Place (which implies Donna got pregnant while Eric was in Africa, but I'm guessing this was just an oversight by the writers)
• We know she plays basketball (Red said she has Donna's jump shot), which is mentioned a few times in the first episodes, but never really brought up again
• She becomes best friends with Gwen after spying on her
• ​Ends up dating Jay Kelso, but has an interesting almost kiss with Nate in the season finale
• Hasn't seen Clerks
  • her ​favorite movie is Free Willy​

Gwen (played by Ashley Aufderheide)

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Daughter of Sherri Runck; half-sister of Nate Runck (different dads); neighbor of Red and Kitty Forman

• Lives in Donna's old room next door to the Formans
• Based on Hyde, but this time he's a girl with similar hair!
• Rebellious, rocker, riot grrrl (she didn't actually read the whole book) that occasionally listens to Michael Bolton
• I'm not sure if they gave her a last name, but I'd assume it's different than her half-bro's
• Possibly low-key into sports, she wore a Green Bay Packers and a Japanese Baseball shirt (that was from Nate's dad and didn't fit him, but he still got sad that she made it look vintage because he misses his daddy)
• Queen of the people who don't fit in

Sherri Runck (played by Andrea Anders)

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Mother of Gwen and Nate; neighbor of Red and Kitty Forman; Fez's on-again, off-again girlfriend

• Ditzy, hot, single mom (claims she was pregnant with Nate for ten months); she's got some Midge in her for sure and is a "trashy Mary Poppins," according to Red
• According to Fez she's "warm and gooey like a chicken pot pie"
• ​Rents the Pinciotti's old house from Fenton
  • ​Makes herself at home at the Formans by "shopping" in their fridge and being in their bathroom when Red and Kitty were FUCKING
• Her job is steady, according to Kitty, but it's never outright mentioned (Nate's dad plays professional baseball in Japan, so maybe she's got that alimony?)
• Hits Red with a bike after lashing out at him for being Red
• She's the only character with a noticeably Wisconsin accent

Nate Runck (played by Maxwell Acee Donovan)

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Son of Sherri; Half-brother of Gwen; Nikki's boyfriend

• Plays football at Point Place high school, but we're never told what year or position he is (probably on the O-line) and there's no mention of summer training outside of the day he goes to the gym with Jay at the end of the summer
• Jay Kelso's best friend
• Meatheadish, but likable
  • Similar vibe to Michael Kelso minus being super hot and always mentioning it
    • has a van
• Dates Nikki and is worried she's gonna move on to something better
• Nearly kisses Leia in Sherri's kitchen but then Gwen walks in!
• Allergic to Lip Smackers
• Loves Red's flannels
• His dentist quit in the middle of an exam

Nikki (played by Sam Morelos)

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No family mentioned; Nate's girlfriend

• She's like Jackie except book smart & presumably, her dad isn't in jail
• Not really friends with Gwen until they get high together and take glamour shots at the mall
• Well-liked by adults
• Fashionable, ambitious
• Doesn't like muscular guys
• Her cousin did Brett Favre's bathroom

Ozzie (played by Reyn Doi)

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No family mentioned

• Semi-openly gay, which is cool, just hard to believe in mid-90s Wisconsin (comes out to Kitty in an emotional moment; I doubt Red would be as accepting)
• Has a Canadian boyfriend named Etienne (I wonder if that's a hat tip to Travis?)
• Wears a Kid's XL
• Loves computers
• Hates summer reruns
• Doesn't get to go to the rave because they forget him in the Forman's driveway
• Tells Nikki's hot black SAT tutor, whom Nate is jealous of, that he's 25

Jay Kelso (played by Mace Coronel)

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Son of Jackie and Michael Kelso

• He's very Michael but more polished
  • got straight A's last year
• Works at Video Haven (Blockbuster knockoff)
• Leia's boyfriend
  • briefly dated Serena, the daughter of a woman who scams teen boys into her hot tub
• Has his driver's license (which implies he's at least 16),
  • doesn't have a car 
• Says bro constantly
• Briefly banned from the Formans because Red doesn't like him (at first)

​In my research, I learned that Covid hampered production, and that's partly why all the OG That 70's Showers aren't in many scenes together (Fez and Donna share a moment in the circle in the finale, and that's basically it), but I'm worried about the relationship between the gang. Of course, Hyde wasn't brought back because Danny Masterson is in legal trouble for scuzzy behavior, but it's weird to me they don't mention his character at all. Hyde was like a son to the Formans and a significant part of the series. They could've said he died or was away, literally anything, but he just wasn't addressed as if he didn't date Jay's mom and live in the Forman's house for years. Leo is the only person with an excuse not to mention Hyde.

Speaking of Leo, he's used perfectly in the That 90's Show. I love Leo, so I'm always down for him getting more screen time, but his usage rate was fantastic. The video scene is hysterical. It's even funnier that he taped over Clerks for his Real World audition. He's excellent in the woods for the picnic scene. I fucking love Leo, man.

I'm not going to hold a comedy to the same standards as, say, Mad Men when it comes to historical accuracy in a period piece (it feels so weird considering something from the 90s as such). Still, they could've done a better job making it feel like the summer of 1995. It feels like a Gen Z take on the 90s. There are plenty of references sprinkled in, I liked the cutaways, like Ozzie's 90s talk show, but I'm looking for more, mainly the slang and aesthetic. I'd give the clothes like a B-. 

The Formans get their first computer, which makes sense from a timeline standpoint with Windows 95, but the language could be much better. Clueless would've come out during the timeline of the season. You'd for sure hear Nikky or Leia drop an "as if" after seeing it. Gwen is too cool and would never, well, maybe ironically.

This part isn't that big of a deal, but Red gets that massage chair from Sharper Image (maybe I'm being too hard about the lack of 90s feel?) in the 3rd episode; it's in the living room, then never seen again!

Here's his chair in episode nine (and appears in e5). 

What happened to the massage chair? I'd take a secondary storyline in an additional episode explaining its fate. Did Ozzie or Nate break it? Did Kitty make him return it? Did Bob get stuck in it??? Where does this red chair come from?? One of the better running jokes of the season is Red talking about how much he spent on things years ago as to why he won't get rid of them. You know there'd be a good reason if he replaced it so quickly.

​By far the biggest bummer of That 90's Show, apart from how rough Bob looked and sounded (Red is 79 in real life, Bob is only 68) ---

I didn't do Bob any favors using this pic where it low key looks like he's having a heart attack when he reality he's singing a sex song to his granddaughter.

​---was the implication that the gang isn't friends anymore. 

Eric, Donna, Kelso, and Jackie appear in the first episode, but only Donna returns later in the series (twice). Eric and Donna are presumably at Red and Kitty's for a couple of days, but Kelso and Jackie only show up at the house once they've both left.

​Now they're busy since they're about to get re-married (again), which, based on their conversation, the Formans had no idea. Jackie tells them they're registered at Bloomingdales, which I get based on her personality (although she grew throughout the series, this version of Jackie feels like if season 3 Jackie was 35). Even if they did have a falling out, she'd still want a gift. But the whole dynamic of this scene makes it seem like this is the first time they've seen each other in years. There's no mention of their friendships with Donna or Eric or that they just missed them. Plus, the Formans only realize they have a son, Jay, once they meet him this summer. They only met him this summer???

It could just be bad writing. That 70's Show took plenty of liberty with the storyline and plot holes (what happened to Donna's sister???).

Maybe we'll see more of the old gang together in the second season, but between this scene and the Kitty-Fez interaction at his Salon where he talks about how Sherri is the first woman he's felt like *this* since Jackie (who he was dating in 1979) things don't add up. It's now over 15 years later, and if Point Place truly is "her town, sweetie," don't you think Kitty would be well in the loop in the love lives of the people she was basically a second mother of in the late 70s?

​You have eyes everywhere but didn't know why Jackie and Fez split up until July of 1995?? Nirvana came and went before you knew what's up? There needed to be more thought put into all the backstories. That 90s Show has potential. Despite my complaints, I'm not writing it off; I genuinely enjoyed it. I'm bummed it was only ten episodes. There wasn't enough time to fully or even adequately develop these new characters.

It's cool that they used actual teens to play the new kids, but they had zero chemistry. Like how did they become friends? It didn't feel authentic and more like some Netflix execs had a checklist of requirements to appeal to the largest demographic possible. I have no issues with a diverse group of friends; I had a diverse group of friends considering the makeup of my town (my grade had like four women of color, and two were in my squad), but we can't just act like the 90s weren't full of hate and shit talk. This was the Jerry Springer generation. This was a time of the Real World and grunge. Things were dirty. Are they all cool with having a gaysian in the squad? If so, bravo, for being so progressive, but even in times of tolerance, there will be jokes about that if you're actually friends. Friends make fun of each other. That's all they did on That 70's Show. The closest we came to that is when Gwen says she wants to be supportive but doesn't believe Ozzie's Canadian boyfriend is real.

This is where the lousy writing starts to get the wheels in my mind turning at 3 in the morning. So Leia doesn't live in Point Place. She's from Chicago and visiting. That makes sense. But Jay and everybody else presumably live close by, which means Michael and Jackie still live in Point Place. We're supposed to believe that Red and Kitty didn't know about Kelso and Jackie having a kid? They would've had to know even if they had a falling out or lost touch. 

Also, their son is at least 16. We can look past how he would've been born during That 70's Show since we're already piling up continuity errors. I get it; this was life before Facebook, but come on. Kitty Forman would know what the fuck is going on. She has eyes everywhere! She worked at a HOSPITAL. She knew the town gossip. You don't think she'd know all the stories of little Jay Kelso following in his father's foot steps?

So it's either there was a falling out between everybody once the 80s started, or the writers really need to consider details or authenticity to its mother program. I guess the former could make sense given the Fez-Jackie-Kelso dynamic, but then Donna and Fez are hanging out (I use that term loosely, she's surprised to see him) in the circle in the season finale. Fez talks about how he misses all his people and says Eric is his best friend.

I would love to help fix these issues in season two. That 90's Show was loaded with bad writing! I'm a weird detail guy. I remember dates. I can recall bizarre shit. None of these plot holes would've happened with Ole Dozo in the mix!

Lastly, That 90's Show wasn't that funny. It was alright, but nothing like the 70s. I got into it because I love character-based shows and am a huge That 70's Show fan (I'm a sucker for nostalgia). I was hoping for Eric, Donna, Jackie, Kelso, and Fez (we did get a fair amount of Fez). Eric, Jackie, and Kelso are only in the first episode. I needed more.

There were some nice homages to the 70s. The old living room furniture is in the basement and the Packers helmet is still there. The kids still hang at The Hub. Red had some great lines (his interactions with Eric were awesome), and Kitty was a pistol like always, but there weren't many memorable jokes or zingers. Ozzie coming out to people he'll never see again was hysterical. The first Leo scene, where Kitty and Leia are trying to get Clerks from him is fantastic. The 90210 parody was solid, especially the "it's cause I'm a freshman bit." Pastor Dave hanging in the porno section of Video Haven is a smart joke. I think Gwen is one of the stronger characters. I like Leia too. I like them all, although Jay's voice annoys me. Surprisingly, Sherri's sorta does it for me. I'd see if our pieces match.

The 5th episode was the best, most well-rounded of the first season (the 1st is good too because of all the OGs). If the people behind That 90's Show can replicate that whenever S2 picks up in the late '95 or sometime in '96, then this series could fly like R. Ke---wait, we don't mention him anymore. It could fly like Sugar Ray! I hope they incorporate the Packers winning the Super Bowl into the storyline next season. I'd love to see Red's reaction. At this point, they last won in 1968 (1967 season)! 

Rotten Tomatoes gave That 90's Show a 7.6; before I saw that, I was thinking 8.2, and I'm sticking with that, even with my critiques, because I'm a notoriously easy grader and softy. MVPs of season 1 are Red & Kitty Forman. It's so fucking cute when he drops off her resume.  I SAID GOOD DAY!


P.S.

I don't love how the first episode doesn't include the theme song.

Double P.S.

Another thing this season was lacking was a call back to Red and Kitty running up the stairs, but at their ages, I get why they couldn't do that. It'd be funny if they did it with a chairlift. It was cool to see them imply them doing it though. I heard them playing "Tell Me Something Good."

I apologize for the lack of blogs to start the new year; I'll be burning the midnight oil tonight! Ya boi's been on an absolute '90s rock bender the last few months, which is purely a coincidence with my next blog. I've been crushing STP lately. "Big Bang Baby" went from unranked on my original Apple Music Hot 100 to #43 by the end of the year. This song and the entire set makes me miss MTV Unplugged. I was just a little too young to appreciate it at its peak, and I know the M part of MTV is long gone, but Unplugged needs a full-time reprisal somewhere. ​

​We're down to the NFL's elite 8, and who would've ever guessed back in September that the Jacksonville Jaguars and New York Football Giants would still be alive at this point? That's the great thing about football; as much as some people and underrated niche bloggers might think they know, anything can happen in this great game. The Divisional Round has given us some incredible games and upsets throughout NFL history. '96 Jags over the Broncos is hot in the streets with the Swaguars revival. There's the Sea of Hands, Immaculate Reception, and Ghost to the Post. Man, the '70s were full of great nicknames for playoff games. More recently, we've had the Minneapolis Miracle, which is cool on the count of alliteration, but it's tough to beat the Sea of Hands.

The Pats' double-comeback, double-pass game against the Ravens in the 2014 playoffs is my favorite Divisional Round game in NFL history, but the unofficial best week of the season is upon us. Let's fullback dive into the picks (would you guess I spent a brief eight hours on this blog's collage?).

The Jags and Chiefs met at Arrowhead back in week 10, where KC won by 10. Believe it or not, both teams have only lost once since.

​Of all the games this weekend, this one feels the least likely for an upset. Usually, I'm pretty anti-Mahomes era Chiefs, but he and Kelce helped me take home my first fantasy title, so they're low-key on my good side. This core has destroyed the narratives of KC's home playoff woes. Sure, they've lost two AFCCGs at home, but before Pat Mahomes, the Chiefs had only one AFCCG appearance from 1970-2016.

The Jaguars have been an incredible story (I did say they'd be good in my season preview blog...but I also picked the Colts to win the Super Bowl...), and I think this organization has a bright future; Trevor Lawrence is the guy. However, they don't compare to Kansas City from a talent standpoint. Pederson is a solid coach, but Andy Reid is 4-0 in the playoffs vs. former assistants.

I'd love to see the Swaguars pull off the upset, but last week took a lot out of them. Even with no Tyreek, or Honey Badger anymore, this Kansas City team is experienced and has the best QB in the NFL. I wouldn't be shocked to see the Jags cover since KC seems to never cover big spreads, but this Jags team just isn't ready to take that next step. Sure, you can beat the Chargers with five turnovers, but you can't give the Chiefs extra possessions. 

Kansas City is gonna move the ball at ease against the Jags D. Jacksonville's struggled to cover tight ends all year, and the Chiefs have the best TE not named Rob Gronkowski over the last 15 years. There's a massive gap between the two, but I'll give Kelce his respect since he won me a ring on NYD.

Chiefs 31
Jaguars 23

The NFC Beast makes up 3/8 of the weekend and this matchup guarantees the division some representation in the NFCCG. This is a tough pick for me, because I still don't believe in the Giants and said they wouldn't go on a run, but I also have been banging the Eagles are overrated drum all season.

This matchup is all about Jalen Hurts. How effective will he be dealing with his shoulder injury?

It's sorta unfair to use this stat because their week 18 matchup wasn't a real game, but teams that went 2-0 vs. a divisional opponent are 15-9 straight up in the playoffs. Now you can look at that in multiple ways, 37.5% of the time, the team that got swept in the regular season finds playoff revenge or 62.5% of the time, the dominate teams continues its domination.

Last week, the Giants were the "upset" pick that everybody had, and it feels like that narrative is repeating itself this week. Last time I didn't believe in the Eagles with QB question marks, they ended up winning the Super Bowl. As much as I want to discredit this organization, they've been one of, if not the best team all season long. I cannot commend the Giants and Daboll enough for getting to this point. I'm happy for Daniel Jones, it looks like he's salvaged his career, but the Giants ride ends this weekend. This isn't the Vikings swiss-cheese defense. The Eagles have like four guys who ended up with double-digit sacks and gave up the 2nd fewest yards in the league.

Eagles 27
Giants 24

This is the game I'm looking forward to most. I was pumped for their regular season matchup, which we all know was canceled due to the Damar Hamlin injury. One bet you can count on is the Bills bringing him out or showing him on their pathetic jumbotrons.

It is easy to make the team of destiny claims with this Bills squad; they've been a contender since 2019 and are amidst their best stretch since the K-Gun. You know Buffalo is gonna be rocking for this one.

Whoever wins this game beats Kansas City next week, and that team will be the Cincinnati Bengals. There's no denying the Bills' offensive firepower, but as we saw vs. Miami, all too often, that firepower can self-destruct. If a healthy Tua played, they would probably lose that game, but vs. Skylar Thompson, Buffalo was able to survive all of Josh Allen's miscues (barely). 

Even though the Bengals' offensive line is in disarray yet again, with those weapons, IMO the 2nd best QB in the league, AND the experience of already getting to a Super Bowl, the Bengals get back to the AFCCG for consecutive years for the first time in franchise history. 
​
Bengals 34
Bills 31

I don't know what to think of the 49ers. Brock Purdy was not good in the first half vs. Seattle, but he and the 49ers rebounded in the second half and blew out Geno and the Hawks from the Pacific Northwest. If Geno didn't fumble, it's an entirely different game, but I gotta give the 49ers their due. They blew the fucking doors off late.

Dallas had a convincing win over the Bucs, which looking back, I should've known. I mean, I'm a Brady guy, but the Bucs were shitty all year long; even the Goat couldn't save them. Mike Evans loves to drop passes. Maybe Parcells was right about you being what your record says you are.

Of course, one of the biggest stories going into this matchup is Brett Maher. The usually reliable kicker missed four straight extra points in the Wild Card game. It didn't come back to haunt the Cowboys vs. Tampa, but they're gonna need every point they can get against San Fran. Will his yips make the trip west?

McCarthy is not that good of a coach, but he did win a Super Bowl way back in early 2011. It's crazy that the Cowboys haven't been to a conference championship game since 1996. I want them to win just so I can write a blog about everything that's happened since then, and even though gun to my head, I'd probably rather see the 49ers pull this one off; I have this weird feeling the Cowboys are the ones that move on (even though they got screwed by the schedule). I've been fading Purdy since he took over, and this is the week he turns back into a pumpkin.​
​
Cowboys 26
​49ers 21

P.S.

Last weekend I had Jaguars ML, Giants ML, Engram anytime TD, Dawson Knox anytime TD, and Saquon at least 2 TD and still managed to win $0!!!!!

This isn't some subtweet song of the day shit. I do wanna fall in love. This is just a one hit wonder BANGER that's been stuck in my head all week. If you click, it's gonna get stuck in your's all weekend. It's worth it though. The synth cuts just like a knife.