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I want to take a quick second to step away from watching the lie of the "free market" getting exposed like Kevin Ware's tibia in front of a national audience to follow up in response to a fantastic blog I wrote back in June.
When news came out that Tampa Bay Buccaneers WR Chris Godwin didn't really want to give up his number 12 for Tom Brady, but did anyways, admittedly, I was a liiittle hard on TB12 in a blog that did make me LOL upon re-reading. There were shots taken at his character and integrity that a lesser man may not have the balls to say what I am about to; I am sorry & I was wrong. My bad for making jokes and being emotional about someone who was part of my life since 4th grade abandoning me and all those who loved and supported him for two decades in the middle of a fucking pandemic.
Apparently, TB12 was willing to pull a Joe Girardi and become TB7 in honor of his quest for a 7th ring.
According to Sporing News via NBC Sports, Brady was more than willing to switch things up in Tampa.
In an interview with NBC Sports' Peter King on "Football Morning in America," Buccaneers GM Jason Licht said Brady had a new jersey number in mind if things didn't work out. "After we talked and we knew [Brady was going to sign], I said, 'Hey, there's one other thing here. It's a small thing, but maybe a big thing. We have a No. 12 on our team and he's pretty good — Chris Godwin. What are you thinking about that?'" Licht said, recalling his conversation with Brady. "He said, 'Oh, he's a great player. I'm not going to take his number. You know what number I'm thinking of? I'm thinking of taking maybe No. 7. Is that available?'" When Licht asked Brady why he wanted to pick No. 7 he responded, "Go after that 7th Super Bowl."
I still think Brady should've given Godwin something for the gesture. Maybe he did and we just don't know? Maybe Godwin wouldn't accept? I don't know, I want to think Tom Brady has enough of a heart to not take no for answer and hook up his teammate for letting him keep his brand intact.
I'm just glad we're all on the same page now and world knows that I followed up to acknowledge a blog of mine that may not have been entirely accurate; that this carpetbagging GOAT was at the very least willing to have the conversation of letting Chris Godwin hold on something that meant a lot to him. Might as well change the NFL's greatest honor to the "Walter Payton and now Tom Brady, since he almost allowed a teammate to keep his number, Man of the Year Award".
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Two weeks ago, I blogged about how I found these really cool album cover-pokémon cards on Reddit and that I was planning on using Reddit not just for finding blog topics and porn, but to grow DOL to help me obtain my dream job/life's mission of becoming a Barstool Blogger.
Hand up, I totally forgot about posting blogs on Reddit until I looked at my monthly blog list last night and saw that post again. 
In my defense, I have a legit excuse for not following through (yet) as teaching myself Adobe leapfrogged "post your blogs on Reddit" in my brain. Plus that skill is much more valuable IMO.
Had I started posting on Reddit, maaaaybe I would've seen this sub r/wallstreetbets? Sure, I know as much about stocks and the market as Beethoven knows about Metallica, but who's to say I wouldn't have stumbled across this one of 2.2 million subreddits, then learned how to play the market and made buckets of cash? Basically r/wallstreetbets is/was (we'll see why I'm not sure what tense to use shortly) an online community for younger traders, memers...you know, millennials to throw caution to the wind when it comes to investments; treating it like gambling...hence the name. Just having fun trying to make a buck. According to people who get paid to write about this type of stuff this is what r/wallstreetbets is all about: For the unfamiliar, the r/wallstreetbets subreddit describes itself as "Like 4chan found a Bloomberg Terminal." In other words, it's a bunch of internet shitposters interested in making money on the stock market. It can often be hard to decipher what is real and what is a joke on the board, making the whole subreddit an entertaining mess. Admittedly I don't know much about the market and felt like 2009 John Mulaney during this whole ordeal.
And since we all know I'm Captain Typo, it only took me until 4:27 PM to notice.
What I do know is that the stock market ≠ the economy. It's like saying only the spotify accounts of Grammy winners dictate what music is popular.
Essentially, this subreddit figured out what the Hedge funds and big banks have done for years; finding a way to short some stocks to their advantage. This caused companies like Gamestop and AMC Movie Theaters stock price to skyrocket. However, since regular people and not the 1% are profiting, the entire financial sector is up in arms; looking for ways to block this. It's hypocrisy at it's finest. You got Ameritrade fucking moving goal posts.
It's exactly why the whole notion of "you just have to work hard to be successful" is a crock of shit. Is it partly true? Of course. There's millions of examples across the world, but there's also millions of examples where the deck is stacked against you and if you do find a way to work around it the deck is just shuffled again. Will the 1% do everything they can to hold onto power and fuck over Johnny Average? You bet. This reddit community has done nothing illegal. If anything they've followed a playbook that's been around for decades. God, it's so perfect they're using the app Robinhood.
I don't know how any decent person could be against the redditers. It's like rooting for the Yankees against a little league team.
As of now r/wallstreetbets has been made private, but many people are wondering if reddit actually was the one behind the move.
Who else would step in for the little guy, but the man of the people himself, Dave "El Pres" Portnoy?
The best part of all this is the people profiting off of r/wallstreetbets are doing something the 1% never does; give back to the little guy (even though Chamath Palihapitiya is a billionaire lol, but he's far from the only one who's donated to Barstool Fund).
Double P.S.
Haaaaaaaa!
I was just gathering tweets and info for an upcoming blog about what's been going down on Wall Street (seriously) and saw the sad news that legendary Oscar, Emmy and Golden Globe winning actress Cloris Leachman passed away at the age of 94 via this Comedy Central tweet.
I had to pay my respects. (I still feel kinda guilty for not blogging Hank Aaron's or Larry King's death last week).
In a career that spans back to the 1940's, Cloris was best known for her roles in The Last Picture Show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Young Frankenstein (only thing in this list I've actually seen), High Anxiety and hundreds of other credits. But for me, as a 29 year old dude, the first thing I think of when I hear the name Cloris Leachman is Beerfest and her role as Great Gam Gam. 
I know she had a career that spanned NINE decade after getting her start in Miss America 1946, but I was born in decade six of said career and a freshman in high school when Beerfest came out in 2006; it holds a special place in my heart.
Beerfest was a seminal movie of my high school experience and comedic upbringing in the same class (IMO) as movies like Borat, Grandma's Boy, Superbad, Knocked Up, Pineapple Express and The Hangover. My friends and I still quote it to this day. Yeah that's true, I have big plans for 2007! I can actually remember going to blockbuster (I swear this isn't the stock blog yet) my freshman year to rent Grandma's Boy and Beerfest for a sleepover where I definitely didn't smoke a bunch of weed at 15 years old. No way. No beers either. To me, that role as Gam Gam shows how fucking funny and awesome this woman was. I can't speak to her time on Mary Tyler Moore or Steagle (random selection off her wiki), but anytime someone who's like 80 years old is willing to fake jerk off sausages to warm them up and advocate the drinking of ram's piss....they're hilarious in my book. This woman won an Oscar, but wasn't too full of herself to appear in a Broken Lizard movie. Bravo.
Then a few years later at the Roast of Bob Saget she sucked face John Stamos. What an icon. It's an over used term, but legend is the perfect one to describe Cloris Leachman. She was an absolute comedy legend. R.I.P.
If you're unfamiliar with Cameo, it's essentially a service where people can pay an actor, athlete, musician, politician, really anybody with some sort of status that elevates them to a level where they can get away with charging anywhere from 20 bucks to over $2,500 for a 30 to 60 second personalized video.
Unfortunately, in my last blog about Cameo the first celebrity that I mentioned, Sam Lloyd aka Ted from Scrubs, passed away from Cancer less than two months after posting, so I don't want to give anymore mass examples of people available on this service at the risk of playing Grim Reaper. R.I.P. 
There's all types of requests on Cameo for birthday wishes, good lucks, etc. but IMO the best Cameos are the ones where people delegate things they don't want to do to a celebrity. My personal favorite is from 2019 when Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray (off the charts, but always in your hearts) broke the news to Brayden that his girlfriend, Cheyenne, was breaking up with him because she couldn't handle a LDR anymore.
No exaggeration/hyperbole/lie, this is one of the funniest videos to ever be posted on the internet; hopefully Brayden did well on his thesis!
So five days ago, a 20 year old TikToker @shhlana sort of followed Cheyenne and let's call it.. hundreds of others footsteps by using Cameo to have a third party break some difficult news.
Government name, Alana, mentioned on her TikTok that she needs to come out to her parents and thought that booking a celebrity on Cameo to break the news would be "like iconic" and mentioned asking Lindsay Lohan as potential celeb to do so.
Well wouldn't you know that Lindsay Lohan actually responded with one of the most heartfelt messages you'll ever see. There's so much love you could have confused her with Florence Welch. I know there's like 20 filters on this video, but daaamn Lindsay's lookin good too. It's fucking wild to think she's only 34 after how hard she was living.
Now it's 2021 and even though things have improved tenfold for the LGBTQ+ community in just the last 15ish years, I'm not going to act like coming out isn't still a big deal. Every story is different, and every queer person deserves the right to do it at their own pace. I think the last four years have shown there's still plenty of people full of hate, so I completely understand being scared. It just breaks my heart that that's still the case. I want everybody to be able to be authentically themselves.
I'm high key scared to text my friends to hang out (pre-COVID) in fear of rejection, and I'm a huge push things off guy, so I love the idea of passing the buck to Cady Heron. I love the creativity by Alana to think outside the box (no pun intended) to tell her parents some news that historically has been difficult to give,,,,, but I do have side with Lindsay that it'd much more meaningful coming from Alana. Plus, I don't know how effective a message from an actress who once played thicccc Hermione on SNL would be to this chicks parents who she's clearly apprehensive about telling her truth to. 
All that being said, this chick spent $400 on a message from THE Lindsay Lohan to tell her parents that she's coming out and I'm sorry that video simply does not tell her parents that specific news. It's not like Lindsay Lohan is charging Jorge Cantu like rates where you can just cut your losses.
We're talking serious cash for a Lohan Cameo. I'm almost positive that she dropped the price in reaction to this clip, but I'm also sort of just guessing that. Either way it ain't cheap!
Sidenotes: I'm no Warren Buffett, but if you need to put a cameo on layaway, you probably shouldn't get it.
While there's no denying how nice the message Lindsay left was, it didn't fulfill the request; plain and simple. Also she is straight up lying. You cannot guarantee that her parents will understand. You don't know this girl, what if her mom makes Kellyanne Conway look like Mrs. Gump?
Just because Lindsay said something nice doesn't mean it's worth a couple hundred bucks. Sure, you could argue the views @shhlana's TikTok is getting are worth a couple hundred bucks, but that sets an awful slippery precedent if you ask me. If you hire a clown, bouncy house, the hole nine for a kid's birthday party and a fucking magician shows up, just because the kids like him and have a decent time doesn't mean you should have to pay for the clown and bouncy house. I worked in a pizza place for five years and have heard "the customer is always right" more times than amount of holes you can poke in that idiotic statement, but by the letter of the law she didn't fulfill her request. If you're at a bar and order some gross $14 IPA and the bartender gives you a Miller Lite, but it's super busy and you're too nervous to speak up for yourself you shouldn't get charged for the IPA. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I don't think Lindsay Lohan can in good faith accept the charge for this message, even after looking at her depressing net worth. Shit, now I'm almost having second thoughts about this entire blog I spent hours building. How can you be in arguably the best non-R rated high school comedy of all time and have less than a milli to your name? 
It's for sure an awesome gesture of Lindsay to respond, but facts are facts. She did not directly come out for this girl. So I'll put it up to a poll. What do you think? Should Lindsay accept the money or return it to @shhlana?
P.S.
I fucking LOVE the default name on the sign up page for Cameo, but grossed out with how recent the birthday is. 
Double P.S.
Now this is the accountability I'm talking about.
We may be in the heart of the analytics revolution in football, but one non-advanced statistic that will always reign supreme is turnovers, more specifically turnover margin.
It doesn't matter if you're talking to Bill Belichick or Rich Kotite; most football coaches, players, and personnel will tell you if a team loses the turnover battle, they'll likely lose the game as well. Obviously, it's not 100% cut and dry. Since 1990 when the playoff expanded to 12 teams (6 in each conference) teams with a turnover margin of -1 are 34-70. So about 1/3 of the time (32.69% to be exact) you can turn the ball over exactly once more than your opponent and still win. Heres's two completely random examples of such; yesterday's NFC Championship Game saw the Buccaneers win with a turnover margin of -1 and in Super Bowl XLIX the Patriots turned the ball over twice (two Tom Brady interceptions) compared to the Seahawks lone turnover and still won the game 28-24.
To get to that Super Bowl, the Seahawks had to beat the Green Bay Packers in the 2014 NFC Championship. I bring up that game, because the Seahawks turned the ball over a whopping five (5) times compared to the Packers two (2) in the 2014 NFC Title Game; basic math tells you that's a turnover margin of -3 for the 2014 NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks.
Conversely, that means the Packers turnover margin was +3, yet they still managed to lose the game 28-22 in OT. Since 1990, there have been 53 instances where a football team's turnover margin was exactly +3 and those teams went 48-5 (two teams lost in regulation by a point and the other team lost in overtime). Over that same time period, 95 teams had a turnover margin of at least +3; those teams went 90-5; meaning teams with a turnover margin of +4 or better in the playoffs are 42-0. Prior to yesterday, I think most Packer fans would say that the 2014 NFCCG was the most frustrating/devastating/pick your favorite non-positive adjective loss of the Aaron Rodgers era. (Maybe 2011 against the Giants? But they just straight up got their ass kicked) Now, I'd have to imagine there's serious competition with 2020 for that title. I seriously hate to do this to my massive following of Packers fans, but there's an eerie parallel between those two losses and not just that the Packers won the turnover margin in both games. I'll fully admit this stat is a little cherry-picked, but doesn't make the L any easier to swallow.
That's right! The Green Bay Packers are the only team in the last 35 years to have a player record multiple interceptions in a Conference Championship Game and lose. And it's happened to them twice! How is that even possible? It's not even that cherry picked; 12 players have record at least two interceptions in a Conference Championship Game the last 35 years.
It's just amazing to me to see the same franchise find a way to lose a game that 10 other teams managed to win by at least 10 points,,,,,,twice.
I don't know what's worse between Morgan Burnett falling on the ball in the 2014 NFCCG when he had room to roam in a game the Packers were leading by 12 points with just over 5:00 remaining...
...or the Packers forcing Tom Brady interceptions on three straight drives (an occurrence I cannot ever remember happening in the hundreds of Patriot games I watched) and only having six points to show for it?
I just genuinely feel bad for Packers fans, but had to bring this stat to the world's attention. In a way, I know exactly how they feel. I was lucky enough to watch Tom Brady quarterback my favorite football team from the time I was in 4th grade until I was 28 years old. During that time period he helped the Patriots win three Super Bowls in four years, then went 10 years without another championship. During that down time it wasn't like the Patriots weren't competitive. Au contraire; they averaged 12.22 wins a season from 2005-2013. Yet they were never able to hoist the Lombardi. I know I wasn't alone in my worries that Tom Brady would never lead the Patriots to another championship and that it felt like a lot of underachieving with Super Bowl caliber teams.
Since winning the Super Bowl in 2010, the Packers have averaged 10.5 wins per season, Aaron Rodgers will have won 3 MVPs and they've yet to make it back to the Super Bowl; going 0-4 in NFC Championship Games. At least Packer fans can take solace knowing Brady lead the Patriots to three more Super Bowl championships after his 10 year drought. Who's to say A-a-ron can't?
P.S.
Shoutout to Pro Football Reference and Stathead for the majority of those numbers AND me for investing in myself again. #HireDozo
First the Red Sox decide they're all set being a premiere franchise and give away Mookie Betts in a deal that would've made a crackhead say "really that's all you got?" and he immediately leads them a World Series Championship. Now Tom Brady has lead the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Super Bowl.
I know he chose to leave, but it's not exactly like the Patriots set up the most inviting environment for him to want to stay. Sorry it kills me to see him still being the GOAT in Tampa Bay partly because of fucking marketing and mainly because the Patriots had horrible drafts for half a decade and Belichick never gave him the love and respect he deserves. I respect the league year so this is still technically 2020 bullshit and God what an awful year it was. Yes, I know that the real world stuff is "more important" but dealing with it when your two favorite athletes are leading other American cities to championships while the world is imploding around you is not exactly awesome for the ole mental stability. The worst part is Brady really didn't even play that well, Kevin King did all he could to get TB12 back in the Super Bowl.
After going up 28-10, Brady threw an interception on the Bucs next three drives; 3 out 7 passes. The Packers were only able to get 6 points off those three turnovers while the Bucs scored 14 off of two Packers turnovers. Sure I could talk about the awful missed holding call on Rodgers INT that set up the Scotty Miller miracle TD against Gregg Williams coverage, but the AFCCG has already begun and it's not like anybody is going to read this right now (PROVE ME WRONG!!).
As for the Packers decision to kick the field goal down 8. I honestly didn't hate it in real time.
Now you're down 5 and a touchdown wins it. Obvious you could also go for the touchdown on 4th down, but from the 8 yard line with four potential clock stoppages...with how poorly the Bucs offense played in the second half, I can at least understand why they did it. I don't think it's as awful of a decision as twitter was making it out to be. Not defending the end zone with 8 seconds left in the 1st half is a million times worse in my eyes. Also, I don't understand how the refs swallowed their whistles all game (especially when Davante Adams was getting held all game) then decide to have the game be decided by a ticky-tack play. They let the boys play all game then decided to play God when it mattered most.
I'm going to watch the Bills in an attempt to salvage the day. I really don't want to have to root for the Bucs over the Chiefs. TOUCHDOWN BILLS!
I'm sure this won't end up mattering...
P.S.
Perfect!
This is my fifth Conference Championship Sunday preview blog, so hopefully these teams can lay the wood in honor of DOL. As a football fan, how can you not be pumped for these matchups? We've got four of the six highest scoring teams (including the entire top 3) in the league battling it out for two spots in Super Bowl at two of the most historic venues in the NFL.
In one game the QBs are a combined 80 year old and the other features QBs whose combined ages aren't even 50 (maybe if you add up the days, but I'm not wasting time with that shit lol). Even with the #11 and 12 teams in my personal Super Bowl power ranking still alive, I cannot wait. Hopefully #2 and 4 from that list get the job done, but I'm hoping for fun, competitive games. With only three games remaining this season, I don't want any of them to be
With the exception of last year, where I was fading teams I wanted to see lose, I've done a fairly good job picking winners for Championship Sunday 2016: 2-0, 2017: 1-1, 2018: 2-0, 2019: 0-2. This year is full of my favorite buzzword in sports; narratives. Before we get into all those, let's show some love to refs for Conference Championship Sunday as well. It's a big day for the zebras too; like the players, they earned it.
As for our two Week 6 rematches, here we go, one more time, everybody's feeling fine (except Patrick Mahomes). Since this is posting so close to kickoff I'm gonna try to keep it short.
NFC Championship Game: 13-5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers at 14-3 Green Bay Packers (-3)
Lambeau Field. FOX 3:05 PM. 
In Week 6, the Packers held a quick 10-0 lead before allowing 38 straight points in their biggest defeat in an otherwise magnificent regular season. I remember it quite well because I took Bucs live ML.
It's nice of the NFL to schedule the senior league game first. Tom Brady has been in the NFL so long that when he played in his first Conference Championship Game (2001), the Packers and Buccaneers were both in the now defunct NFC Central. Since Aaron Rodgers sat for the first three years of his career, I feel like we sometimes forget that he's 37 years old.
Well, that 37 year old Aaron Rodgers has sure balled out this season, he'll likely win his 3rd MVP, but I think he cares much more about improving his 1-3 record in CCGs and getting back to his first Super Bowl in a decade. Tom Brady knows a thing or two about Super Bowl droughts. While he made it to two more Super Bowls between his 10 year championship cold streak, he was able to win that elusive "next ring" at age 37, 10 years after his last. This is a game full of studs, we can talk about them until the cows who produce the cheese that Wisconsin is so famous for come home, but this matchup is a massive legacy game for both QBs. For Tom Brady, this would only be even more icing on the "I'm the greatest to ever do it cake". He's playing in his 14th Conference Championship Game, no other QB has appeared in more than seven. To lead the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to a Super Bowl in year one, given all the COVID hurdles of this season, without Bill Belichick would be the ultimate feather in his TB12 Hat. Of all the QBs playing this week, Aaron Rodgers has the most to lose/play for and it's not even close. Mahomes will be back, Josh Allen has a bright future and Tom Brady is like a billionaire at this point, he's set for life; he doesn't need to do anything else to cement his legacy. He's already the GOAT. Winning this year obviously wouldn't hurt his legacy, but he's playing with house money. The same cannot be said for A-a-ron. Sure, Aaron Rodgers has won a Super Bowl, but if he retires with only one ring/appearance that's going to be a huge stain on his legacy. I'm not saying it's fair, but what in life is? Even Brett Favre got back to a second Super Bowl. Maybe if Rodgers already had a second ring he would've been included in the NFL 100 list? A second Super Bowl ring simply means more to Rodger's legacy than a seventh does for Brady. The Bucs wanted the Saints in the playoffs after losing to them twice in the regular season and I feel like the Packers are in the exact same boat. Rodgers is in the zone and wants a second chance against a defense that picked him off twice and sacked him five times. It's going to be cold, I don't think the Bucs are ready for the Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field. Brady might be, but I don't know about the rest of the Bucs. Sure I'm a little biased against the Bucs, but in his first home NFC Championship Game I think Rodgers goes off. Packers 31 Bucs 24
AFC Championship Game: 15-3 Buffalo Bills at 15-2 Kansas City Chiefs (-3)
Arrowhead Stadium. 6:40 PM CBS. 
The last time the Buffalo Bills were in an AFC Championship Game the league year was 1993 and Joe Montana was quarterbacking the Chiefs. Prior to 2018 that was also the Chiefs last appearance in a CCG and now they're hosting the AFCCG for the third straight year. Only two teams in NFL history have hosted three straight CCGs and both were coached by Andy Reid (2002-2004 Eagles; 2018-2020 Chiefs).
I am worried about how one-sided the Bills offense has become as of late, they only have 19 non-QB runs in through two playoff games. It's going to be hard to sustain long drives and keep the ball out of Patrick Mahomes hands playing that way, but when you're boasting the league's second highest scoring offense obviously something's working. The big story going into the game is the status of Patrick Mahomes. Everybody on earth knew even if he brain was bleeding out of his ears onto the base of afraux-hawk he's playing in this game. The question is how effective will he be? I'm not really expecting to see him slow down much, but I am curious if the Chiefs are going to take his running plays out of their game sheet. He's still battling turf-toe as well. In Week 6 the Chiefs and CEH ran all over the Bills, but he's not at full strength and might not even see the field today. Those are not your present day Bills. They're a Hail Murray away from a 12 game winning streak and last week they held the unanimous MVP to three points. The Chiefs have been sleepwalking for what feels like two months. They haven't covered since Week 8. When you combine the injuries Mahomes is battling, Butker's struggles and how well the Bills are playing; they haven't been great in the playoffs, but they've still been getting it done. I think just like those early 2000's Eagles, these Chiefs are going to be 1-2 in those home CCGs. I've been banging the Chiefs aren't making back to the Super Bowl drum all season and I'm going down like Keith Moon on Bills ML. Bills 27 Chiefs 23
It's Saturday night, you sure as hell don't need to be reading my little blog right now, but I'm glad that you are. I hope you're having a nice Saturday! I've been using my day off being a man of my word by spending it improving my Photoshop and the Adobe Creative Cloud abilities.
I've been so busy trying make up for years of being behind the internet 8-ball, that I haven't blogged since Wednesday night when I wrote about a classic one hit wonder band reuniting in the name of democracy.
I spent all night Thursday making Bernie memes and used Friday night to relax after wasting another week of my life teaching/not working for Barstool Sports.
As much I want to master all these Adobe programs, at the end of the day, I'm a writer and I need to be behind the keyboard. I probably should've paid my respects to Hank Aaron and Larry King, but I wasn't really in an obit mood. Plus, I bet if you asked Hammerin' Hank or Larry they would've wanted me to focus on my memeing. They both knew how much improving my skills to help me obtain my dream job means to me.
But, when news breaks (at this point over an hour ago) that one of the QBs on your personal shortlist of potential new Patriots QBs, you gotta stop watching tutorials and get to writing blogs. LFG THE LIONS ARE FINALLY SETTING MATTHEW STAFFORD FREE!!
Look, I like Cam, I bought his jersey, I know I've been super knee-jerky with my takes on him and whether or not I want him back in New England, but regardless what happens with him, I think he was put in a very difficult position this season.
When you factor in how late he signed, the lack of a preseason, missing time with COVID, and a horrible supporting cast...I really don't know how much you can blame him for the Patriots 7-9 season. Maybe he's hurt or he just hasn't got it anymore, but there were flashes this year. Combine that with his past and the lack of realistic replacement options, I wasn't in the "you have to move on from Cam camp", even though I do not expect him back. That being said, all season my best friend tier amigo/roommate/e-bro/former teammate/#43 Burgers director and I have been talking about how much we want Matt Stafford in New England and how underrated he is.
You see tons of people crying and bitching on twitter about how someone needs to "save DeShaun Watson" after four seasons with the Texans. I don't disagree with the sentiment, the Texans are a bum ass organization that's never going to win a Super Bowl, but the dude's been there for four years and just signed an extension that I'm almost positive was done without a gun to his head AFTER the Texanstraded D-Hop in a deal that makes the Mookie Betts trade look good from the Red Sox perspective. He's not the first good to great QB who played for a bad organization and for most of his time in Houston they've been competitive. Year one the Texans were .500 before he got hurt and in years two & three they made the playoffs. It took less than one bad year for everybody to be like SAVE DESHAUN. Meanwhile, Stafford has been wasting away in Detroit since 2009.
Matthew Stafford has played for three head coaches and four offensive coordinators since coming into the league. You know how many 1,000 yard rushers he's had throughout his career? I do, it's one and its barely one; Reggie Bush had 1,006 yards in 2013 (7 seasons ago). In fact, the Lions went 70 games (Week 13 2013 to Week 3 2018); almost 5 full seasons without a 100 yard rusher and it's not like he had a string of backs putting up huge numbers then it went cold for five years...Stafford's played 11 games in his career where a teammate rushed for over 100 yards.
Besides having Calvin Johnson (who retired after the 2015 season), Stafford's pass catchers haven't done him too many favors either.
Over the course of his career, the Lions defense average finish in points allowed is 20.833. If you take out 2014 where the Lions defense finished 3rd in points allowed, their average finish is 22.45. In 7 of his 12 seasons in Detroit, the Lions defense finished outside the top 20; twice they were dead last.
I know he's battled injuries and played inside a dome his whole career, but I think Matt Stafford would be a great fit in New England. He's #1 on my off-season wish list. Everybody is so ready to declare Brady the winner in this ugly divorce because he made the playoffs and the Pats went 7-9 as if that wasn't because of a great coaching. This was not a 7-9 type of team. I'd love to see how Belichick would be able to do with this former #1 overall pick who's wasted the first dozen years of his career in the motor city. I don't know if bringing Matt Patricia back to New England helps the cause or not, but it does mean the Pats will have plenty of intel on him.
The Pats aren't gonna trade for DeShaun Watson, Carson Wentz is likely staying in Philly (and I want zero part of him) or going to Indy. With QBs like Trevor Lawerence, Justin Fields and Trey Lance likely off the board by the time the Patriots pick at 15 what's left? I guess there's the possibly of them drafting Mac Jones, but my gut just tells me he's not gonna be the dude in the NFL. Maybe the Pats flip that pick to Detroit? Of all the possible QBs out there, give me Matthew Stafford. He really has played great most of his career, he's just been on one of the worst teams in all of sports.
Brady went to an all star team and put up great numbers. I'll always love Tom and I'm sure Bill will too, but if you don't think he's going to do all he can to reload to change this narrative from "it was all Brady" you're crazy. What bigger flex would it be for one of the greatest coaches of all time to turn Matthew Stafford into a winner this late in his career?
IF Bill won a Super Bowl with Stafford, IMO that's much more impressive than Brady (potentially) winning it all with Mike Evans, Chris Godwin, A.B., Gronk and a top 8 (s/o myspace) defense. We'll see what happens, but it looks like Matthew Stafford is leaving Detroit.
P.S.
Half the time that it took me to publish this blog from when this story broke was spent making this primitive ass first look at Matt Stafford in a Patriots uni. 
See this is why I need to practice!
Look, there's plenty of serious stuff to be excited about with our country's new administration, but I'm here today to talk about one of my favorite non-political topics in the entire world; One Hit Wonders.
Between my love of That Thing You Do! and addiction to VH1's 100 Greatest One Hit Wonder of All Time as a kid (Before learning all the Super Bowls and World Series since 1955, I memorized all 100 in 4th grade; if asked any number could tell you what song it was!) I have been absolutely infatuated with the concept for as long as I can remember.
In recent years, I've unearthed that my fascination with artists, actors, athletes etc. who achieved stardom for a moment (maybe they were even at the top of their field), only to be brought back to reality likely stems from my childhood appearance on the Rosie O'Donnell Show, but this isn't a psychotherapy session...
What it is, again, is a blog telling you about how fucking awesome it is that on day one of the Biden/Harris Administration they were able to get a textbook One Hit Wonder who haven't played together since 1999 to perform again in an act of unity that this nation greatly needs. Because make no mistake about it, New Radicals 1998 song "You Get What You Give You" is quite possibly the greatest example of a textbook One Hit Wonder. They even had a former child star in the line-up in Danielle Brisebois for God's sake. New Radicals simply took a page out of The Verve's playbook a year later. They followed the formula magnificently; have a massive song, then break-up because the lead singer is high key a huge ass hole (at least back then) before even releasing another single. Only instead of losing their songwriting credits and royalties, New Radicals pissed off some of their contemporaries with threats of kicking their asses in if they didn't run to their mansions. I get it Biden/Harris are the new leaders of the free world, but there's a huge difference between those types of One Hit Wonders vs. being a band for 10 years, striking gold, then going back to obscurity. It's not like they got Los Lonely Boys to reunite. This is a massive deal. I say all that because 22 years have passed since New Radicals last performed this late 90's smash. A lot has happened since their moment in the sun; the band has had many offers to reunite, but none were accepted until this performance. I got all the following quotes from Rolling Stone. Lead singer Gregg Alexander said the following about performing again in a statement: “If there’s one thing on Earth that would possibly make us get the band together, if only for a day, it is the hope that our song could be even the tiniest beacon of light in such a dark time." “America knows in its heart that things will get bright again with a new administration and a real plan for vaccines on the way. That’s the message of the song… this world is gonna pull through.” “Performing the song again after such a long time is a huge honor because we all have deep respect for Beau’s military service and such high hopes for the unity and normalcy Joe and Kamala will bring our country again in this time of crisis.” Both the Biden family and Kamala Harris have a personal connection to the song; the late Beau Biden used the song as a rallying cry during his battle with cancer and it was Kamala's husband, Doug Emhoff "walk out song" during the campaign. Best of all, frontman Gregg Alexander STILL has the signature bucket hat (or an exact replica, but that's not as fun) all these years later. 
Okay you earned it, here's the performance (starts one hour & 17 minutes in and since I'm a pros-amateur I already have it queued up).
22 years later and Gregg Alexander's pipes still hold up.
Unfortunately, performances endorsed by the United States government aren't going to feature jabs at health insurance and big banks. Nor will they call out four artists of their day, like they did in 1998 or update the lyric for 2021, but if you need your fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson, Courtney Love and Marlyn Manson fix, Ole Dozo's gotchu.
P.S.
I really don't want to give away my baby, but one of the biggest reasons I want to learn Adobe is to create a graphic for my podcast/video series about One Hit Wonders. Not to s my own d, but the graphic idea is so fire and may make the show. I've had this idea for over a year, but kept procrastinating/getting in my own head. After seeing Netflix and Vice come out with series that break down the stories of hit (not necessarily one hit wonders) songs, I knew I couldn't push it off any further. I need to break through this self doubt and anxiety wall. I'm the fucking man, I need to remember that. As soon as I have graphic you'll see/hear exactly what I'm vaguely talking about. I hope to debut this new project soon! #HireDozo
Double P.S.
I can't wait Fox News morons to post this and be like "SEE THIS IS THE RADICAL LEFT, THEY'RE NOT EVEN HIDING IT!"
Whenever I think local TV ads with NFL players, Matt Light & Fagan Door is always first to come to mind. So perfectly shitty in the most endearing way.
Let the record show that I started this blog at 10:40 pm after already going into bed for the night. I was actually trying to do the right thing and go to bed at decent hour (before 1 AM) to have enough energy to burn the candle at both ends; teaching the inner city youth Modern World History I & II over Chromebooks in a dilapidated building by day and learning Adobe Creative Cloud while balancing blogging by night; which means I was watching NFL Films videos on Youtube to pass out like normal, when I came upon this video that was so awesome I just had to blog it and kill all my pass-out momentum. In a much more valuable than an extra hour or two of sleep sort of way, it's good I am writing this because the blog never sleeps. #HireDozo
What I'm trying to say is even when I try to bang out a quick two paragrapher, it turns into War and Peace.....in this case because I procrastinated/let my head get the best of me. If I had posted my blog that I've mentioned before that is still in the chamber (because it's like 70% done) about my nightly habit of passing out to NFL related content on Youtube that is chock full o' Christmas references that are frankly staying in when it eventually sees the light of day, you would've known that I loveeeee NFL Films and fall asleep to an episode of America's Game almost every night. Phew! What a sentence/paragraph.
Even though I know I shouldn't give into the machine, when Youtube suggested NFL Films Presents: When NFL Players & Hilarious Local Commercials Collide Ft. Phil Swift!, I just had to click. That is right up my alley. While it's not John Facenda, Phil Swift is fine Billy Mays (R.I.P.) substitute and you know how much love Mad Men. We've got Roger Sterling with significantly worse hair giving actual valuable insight into what goes into these commercials during this seven minutes in niche sports heaven.
Excuse me for what I'm about to say if you're not intro great analogies that cover (nearly) the entire human sexuality spectrum, but this video had me feening for more like a chick or bottom who just got railed really nice, but unfortunately the gentleman or transgirl came too soon (no judgments on DOL, not only men have penis' & I think with those four terms I covered almost all possible scenarios).
6:59 was simply not enough time to dedicate to kitschy local ads featuring both NFL superstars and guys that only the local fans love/know exist. I could've watched a full hour of local ads with 3rd receivers and punters. Maybe I was just super high (likely) but this video got me so happy thinking about how much football means to people, community, the local economy, society and nostalgia in general. That Wes Welker Bob's Furniture commercial brought me way back like the toupee he might've needed if not for Robert Leonard. I just had to share it with my fantastic readers. If you love license free football jerseys and small businesses this is the video for you. (You won't be able to watch the video on DOL, the video will direct you to Youtube)
That America's Game blog will come soon. Possibly tomorrow? As for the video, I could talk about every ad for another 45 minutes, but I really do need to go to bed and find a way to not ramble in blogs that don't need to be longer than Manute Bol for no reason. For the record, Marshawn carrying a toilet is the most beast mode shit I've ever seen ayyyyyy.
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