I'm going to preface this by saying if you're a random facebook friend/ friend's parent/ future employer of mine you don't want to read this blog. Go check out a song of the day or something.
Okay now that they're gone let's begin.
Ahhhhh May 17th, 2015 a day that will live in infamy. That of course was the day of commencement for the University of Rhode Island. I happened to be part of that graduating class. Let's go down memory lane, relive that day and what has happened since. (Some of these times are exact thanks to time hop, others are ball parked)
May 17th, 2015
6:45 AM: Wake up. This was some bullshit because 1. It was a Sunday, it's the Lord's Day, nobody should have to wake up before 8 am on a Sunday for any reason, ever. And 2 it made me wicked tired for the long day that was upcoming, looking back I blame waking up early and being tired for my actions that would follow. And no I didn't go to bed early the night before to off set that, I'm a night owl, I've probably gone to bed after 2 am 350 of the 365 days since I graduated.......but even if I wanted to go to bed early that night it would've been impossible, I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, I was so excited I couldn't sleep.
6:51 AM: Shower
7:04 AM: Get dressed and ready for graduation. Hot start for the kid.
7:05 AM: Continue to get ready, manage to not stain shirt anymore than I already have.
8:00 AM: Meet up 1 of my 3 friends I was graduating with. I took 5 years to graduate so most of my friends had already graduated.... Actually that's not even really true looking back a lot of my friends either didn't go to college/URI or graduate this year/never will. Realistically one of my boys graduated in 2014.
8:30 AM: Arrive at URI
8:31 AM: Have friend 1 tie my tie for me
8:32 AM: Get lost trying to figure where I'm supposed to go
8:39 AM: Find all the kids from my major and friend 2 of 3, go in proper line to wait
8:40 AM: Fireball nip with friend 2
8:40 AM: Fireball nip with friend 2
8:41 AM: Fireball nip with friend 2
8:42 AM: Feel like garbage, nearly throw up
8:45 AM: Make fun of all the kids we hated in our major with friend 2 of 3
8:59 AM: Get retweeted by El Pres, get more excited about this than actually graduating.
9:19 AM: Take pictures with friends 1 and 2. (pretty sure they just met this day)
9:25 AM: Make stupid Facebook status about graduating
9:25 AM: Upload this picture to Facebook
9:25 AM: Forget to open eyes for picture
9:30 AM: Go inside, sit down and wait to graduate
9:30 AM-10:00 AM: Play on my phone during whatever was going on
10:01 AM: Stand up and get in line
10:02 AM: Wave to a bunch of strangers like I'm the President
10:10 AM: Graduate College (NBD)
10:30 AM-11:35 AM: Go outside and take pictures
11:37 AM: Complain about how badly all the pictures came out
12:05 PM: Rebound from bad pictures, find salvageable one, get a bunch of likes. (66 may not be a lot to you but I'm not an IG whore so that was a record high for me)
12:05 PM: Like seriously, a ton of likes, NBD
12:20 PM: Go get lunch with my mom and aunt.
12:30 PM: Feel awkward tension between mom and aunt because I don't think my aunt wanted to be there
12:46 PM: Attempt to predict that it is going to be a great day (it wasn't)
1:00 PM-2:45 PM: Rock out to Pitch Perfect 2 with my mom. (Not as good as Pitch Perfect 1 but still a solid movie)
3:00 PM: Show up to Amalfi, start crushing 007s HARD
3:11 PM: Contemplate what I'm supposed to do with my life now (still don't know)
3:12 PM: Keep drinking
4:30 PM: Introduce my parents to one of my friend's dad by saying "this is ___________, _________'s dad, he's cool but __________ is kind of a bitch" Not one of my better moments, frankly lucky I didn't get punched in the face
4:31 PM-6:18PM: Continue getting black out drunk with a bunch of my friends, my parents, and other adults, I'm sure I did embarrassing things during this time frame
6:19 PM: Crush a Long Island Ice Tea
6:22 PM: Drunk text ex girlfriend, shockingly does not go well
6:30 PM: Get blocked on social media by ex girlfriend
6:31 PM: Get in fight with my sister because she took my phone so I can't continue to drunk text/harrass my ex girlfriend
2013-6:32 PM-about 4 months ago: Get more upset about ex girlfriend
7:00 PM-10:PM: Blacked out, no idea what happened
At some point between 7-10 PM:
-Smoke cigarettes (I don't smoke) and blow cigarette smoke in my mom's face when she tells me to stop (biggest regret of my life).
-Throw shot glass at bar directly after having a shot.
-Take a bunch of snapchats that I know I regret.
-Pass out on the bar.
-Make my dad pay my bar tab
10:30 PM: Go to bed
May 18th, 2015
6:00 AM: Get woken up by garage opening, go back to bed
10:00 AM: Wake up for good
10:00:45 AM: Look at phone and see all the monstrosities I did the day before
10:01 AM: Die of embarrassment/hangover
1:00 PM: Get resurrected from my death of embarrassment, go out to lunch with mom, sister and friend 3
1:01 PM: Die of embarrassment again, this time from how rude my mom is to waitress
1:03 PM: Reminisce about what happened at Amalfi the night before
1:04 PM: Get fork stabbed in my hand by mom when I learn about how I blew cigarette smoke in her face
2:00 PM: Bring mom to the airport
Days since Graduation
August 2015: Get certified in state of Rhode Island to be a teacher, then apply to 0 openings
October 2015: Lose $2,000 on Pats -9 against the Colts because of a fucking backdoor cover
December 15th 2015: Turn 24 years old
February 2nd 2016: Last meal before cleanse (SM Lion King Pizza and Flipz Pretzels)
February 3rd 2016: Start my cleanse, 376 pounds GROSSSSSSS
Late February 2016: Start Dozonline.com, blog a ton
May 2016: Lose 80 pounds, back in the 200's, start to look semi-awesome, still be afraid to talk to girls
That pretty much brings us up to date. Can't believe I graduated college a year ago today, you know what they say, time flies when you're doing nothing with your life (just kidding I've spent the last few months losing weight, getting my life together) but looking back, despite the bad things that happened a year ago today, still was a good day and a lot of fun. Let's hope a year from now I have a real job.
Congratulations to everybody graduating college this year, hopefully you can learn from my mistakes! Don't call someones daughter a bitch to their face, stay away from Long Island Ice Teas , don't drunk text exes and make sure you don't stain your shirt with mousse. (I think I spelled that right)
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