An Ode To The Tide Pod, The Forbidden Fruit. A Poem.

(no these grubby sausage fingers aren't mine, how dare you even allow that thought to cross your mind)

"An Ode To The Tide Pod, The Forbidden Fruit"
By: Ole Dozo.


God said don't eat the apple,
Yet she couldn't oblige.
Now it's time, my dear Tide Pod
For a juicy surprise.

So bright, and plump,
Dare I say thick?
Oh Tide Pod, oh Tide Pod
I just don't believe you'll get me sick.

For I am so large, 
and you are so tiny.
Oh Tide pod, oh Tide pod
you're so damn shiny.

You twinkle, and sparkle
atop the washing machine,
for today it'll be,
my insides you clean.

You've cleansed my shirts,
my towels,
my boxers,
my jeans.

Oh Tide pod, Oh Tide pod,
Like the song by The Cars,
You're just what I need.

I've just gotta have you,
Don't care what they say,
I'm going to CVS,
Gotta have you today.

For you're the forbidden fruit,
that I've just gotta try,
I surely believe just one bite
couldn't cause me to die.

Like Fat Bastard,
I urge you to get in my belly,
Oh Tide Pod, oh Tide Pod
You spread like organic raspberry jelly.

I bite down on you Tide Pod.
You burst like a bubble,
Oh Tide Pod, oh Tide Pod,
I'm in a whole lot of trouble.

Why'd it take me so long?
I've never tasted anything quite like this,
Haven't been this happy since my first kiss.

As you gush like a geyser,
I can't but smile
Oh Tide pod, oh Tide pod,
Stick around for a while.

Through convulsions, and shaking, 
I'll never worry,
For you go down easier than a 3 pointer by that pussy,
Steph Curry.

Shall I compare to a midsummer's breeze?
Is that grape that I taste?
With a hint of Febreze®

Now much like the Weeknd,
I can't feel my face,
For I just ate a Tide Pod,
As dinner, it replaced.

Though I can't feel my chest,
I'm fine, I swear,
For the risks of you Tide Pod,
I am well aware,

We're in this together,
like two peas in a pod.
Oh Tide Pod, oh Tide Pod
Why do we keep up this facade?

Life can be harsh,
oh what else can I say?
But thank you dear, Tide Pod,
You brightened both my insides, and day.












































Don't actually eat Tide Pods. 





​

That being said, you're probably an adult and who am I to tell you what to do?