The Black Keys Announce Their Tour with a Hilarious Parody of a Terrifying Issue Plaguing Our Nation2/1/2022
I've been a Black Keys fan for over a decade and have been lucky enough to see them live twice, but between a five-year hiatus and global pandemic, I haven't been to a show of theirs since 2014.
After canceling their tour with Gary Clark Jr. because of COVID, the Keys are FINALLY back on the road. It's fantastic news; hopefully, I'll see them in Boston, but Dan and Pat brought the fucking heat with this promo. Sure it's fucking terrifying how ignorant millions of people in this country are, but damnit, is this parody hilarious. So spot on. Yeah, our enemies laugh as this country divides itself because of outrage from anti-vaxxers and people who want to make teaching the truth illegal in school board and town hall meetings. But, I can think something is horrible and also find humor in it like a person with a fully developed brain. You gotta watch it like five times to catch every little jab. Oh sorry, I know how scary that word can be to you freedom fighters!
It's fucking perfect, but also kind of sad how accurate it is.
A+ comedic timing.
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On Saturday, Adam Schefter jumped the gun "breaking" Tom Brady's retirement news before he had made a decision (yeah, right). Today, the inevitable became a reality; after 22 seasons, Tom Brady has retired from the National Football League.
Brady's news comes seven years to the day of the Patriots 4th Super Bowl victory and first in a decade.
I had a late start to my day since I called out of work, but when I woke up for good at 11:30 am, I had like 70 texts, which meant multiple group chats were going off without me. Everybody focused on how in his EIGHT swipe and 17 paragraph Instagram message, there wasn't a single mention of the Patriots, Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick, or the Patriots fans that loved him like family (and in some cases more so) for two decades.
As a writer, let me tell you...you don't write that much and omit something so evident by accident. He used a fucking photo from his return in Foxboro in week 4. This post was as meticulous as his TB12 method, and take your pick of game-winning drives. He knew exactly what he was doing here. Of course, this was gonna garner an adverse reaction from Patriot fans. It sort of hurts your feelings. I don't know if it's because he's angry with how Belichick tried to push him out for like four years or that Pats fans didn't cheer enough on October 3rd, but it's bizarre that Tom Brady didn't mention anything related to the Patriots.
Because the internet is a sess-pool, it turned into some fight about Tom Brady not "owing Patriot fans anything." From a literal standpoint, sure, he doesn't owe us anything, but it's at the very least pretty fucking weird that he didn't acknowledge a single soul with an affiliation to the Patriots. You know the place where he spent 91% of his career and won 6 Super Bowls? He sure as shit doesn't owe the fans of a team he was a member of for 684 days anything, but they got something. Yes, it's a little stupid to get so worked up over Instagram, but that's sort of how life is now with the presence of social media.
My feelings on the matter are mixed and IMO rationale. It annoys me, but I've got a million more pressing issues in my life than whether or not Tom Brady acknowledged the Patriots. I'm much more concerned about my heart not popping and the death of democracy. Maybe his rationale was he already said what he needed to say in his bullshit FOREVER A PATRIOT post?
Because I'm an adult, I can laugh at some Mad Men (my favorite drama ever) memes at my expense. I'm just pissed I didn't think of them first.
â Meghan Ottolini (@Meghan_Ottolini) February 1, 2022 â B.W. Carlin (@BaileyCarlin) February 1, 2022
After like four hours of nothing, Brady put out some of the most half-hearted zero effort posts you'll ever see acknowledging the Patriots.
To me, that was almost worse than saying nothing. There was no thought behind it. It's like when you're at work, and you wish a co-worker a "Happy Birthday," and someone else in the room that had no clue it was that person's birthday says it after the fact, even though two seconds earlier they had no fucking clue it was their birthday.
Maybe he has something bigger planned for later? Maybe he's gonna go Terry Bradshaw and have no affiliation with the Pats for the next 20 years? Maybe he genuinely forgot due to head trauma? Either way, it's fucking weird and low key hurtful that he didn't show us (the fans) or the organization any love. There's no excuse IMO. It makes me sad to think Brady thinks that little about an entire region that loved and supported him through the ups and downs (and autograph denials), especially when he implied having a relationship with New England once his playing days ended.
I wouldn't blame him if there is some bad blood between Belichick and/or Kraft, but with stories like this, it becomes more convoluted. I thought everything was cool now.
Now there are a bunch of rumors about whether or not he's gonna sign a one-day contract to "retire as a Patriot." and BREAKING NEWS.
It goes without saying that Patriot fans are forever indebted to Tom Brady. He IS New England. Brady is more New England than bad roads and lobster. He and Bill Belichick turned the Patriots into the premier organization in all of sports and as I said earlier, seven years ago today he won Super Bowl XLIX, which is one of my favorite nights of my life.
It's just fucking bizarre not to acknowledge the Patriots here. It doesn't erase the banners or memories. I barely care about this now and won't when I wake up, but Pats fans have every right to have a strong reaction to his slight. Hopefully, he signs the bull shit one day contract, and we all sing Kumbaya and move on with our lives, but Patriot fans have every right to be upset or hurt that Brady basically said fuck you in this post. Like who the hell is Steve Dubin? How does he get a shout out but Robert Kraft doesn't?
Hopefully this is true.
P.S.
Regardless if he gives Patriot fans the flowers they deserve, going out this way is the ultimate fuck you to all the doubters. I hope Kellerman and fugly ass Nick Wright realize how stupid they are. The cliff literally never came.
Song: Give It To Me Baby (1981) Artist: Rick James Album: Street Songs Happy Birthday (and R.I.P.) Rick James! I was about to say if anybody has a Showtime password that I can borrow to watch their doc on him, it'd be very much appreciated, but nvm...it's on Youtube! |
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