What does it mean to be brave? Bravery is like pornography. It's hard to describe with words, but you know it when you see it.
Sending that "you up?" text for the first time to your crush? That's pretty brave.
Saying "no" to a white man who is telling you to give up your bus seat in 1955 Montgomery, Alabama is remarkably brave.
Being a little toaster,,, uncommonly brave.
There are countless more examples but I'm sure you get my point that people (and toasters) can be brave in a magnitude of different ways.
Well let me tell you something loyal DOL reader, not to turn this into a competition but sharing your take that may be bashed on the internet to your audience of upwards of 80 people blows the rest out of the water. What I'm about to say is incredibly brave. Don't worry it's coming. The words are about to fall out.
According to the twitter machine today's #national ___________ day is #NationalOreoDay.
Oreos... not good. I'd even go so far to call them a trash cookie. To quote the handsome and thicc UncleChaps they're actually bad.
Have you ever wondered why they even call themselves "Milk's Favorite Cookie?"
It's out of respect to reason they still exist. A h/t by Oreos to cow juice. Oreos have been using milk as a crutch for generations and the people of the world need to realize this. Of course Oreos are grateful for milk. Because without milk Oreos would just be that hydrox ripoff that people forgot about. Oreos need milk to survive, not the other way around. If an asteroid hit earth tomorrow and only wiped out the world's Oreo supply milk would be just fine. Oreos are hard, dry and after you eat them you get that "I need to brush my teeth NOW" feeling because they are always are getting stuck in your 2nd and 3rd molars. It's not fun.
To Oreo's credit if you dunk them in milk or mix them in a milkshake/dessert situation they are incredible. I love an oreo milkshake. But that's just the thing, they need something else to make them good. The ultimate test of a food is it's ability to stand alone. Blu-cheese undoubtedly makes buffalo stuff better, but sometimes you just gotta raw dog a wing and go without. If you can't eat buffalo wings without blu-cheese, deep down you probably don't like them.
Milk is to Oreos as make up and instagram filters are to ugly girls. It's what really makes them shine and gives them a chance. Oreos need milk to survive. Anybody can look good in make-up, but it takes true beauty to not need make up. Without using milk as a crutch Oreos would be nowhere. Extra, extra, read all about it. Today's headline: Oreos SUCK!
I'm sorry I'm bringing this up on your National Day, Oreo but someone needed to say it. You very well may disagree with me but that doesn't change the fact that dry Oreos are GARBAGE. Oreo, you're in the spotlight today thanks to your fake national day, but that's also what brought you to the front page in my mind. Much like how I'm more likely to unfriend a person on facebook when it's their birthday. You can slip through the cracks, but when that b-day comes up and I'm literally like "who is this person?" then it's time to go. This is where I'm like I should probably unfriend this dude I met at drivers ed in 2008 and have also not spoken to since 2008.
Oreos I'm sorry to besmirch you on your #NationalDay because you are great in ice cream, but I need to be true to myself and the rest of us out there who know the truth. I'm saying what I wanna say. Without milk you'd be in the wastelands of extinct desserts with Nestle Wonderballs and Jello Pudding Pops. I'm not saying I'm a hero for speaking the truth, but if you want to I'm not going to stop you.