America is still pretty shook from the election. A week later there are still people protesting and a ton of people are worried about the future of our nation.
Luckily there is Bill Eichner and Jon Hamm to help out with some humor by posing the age old question: "Would You Have a Threesome with Them for a Dollar?"
"Very progressive...I'm gay..... you're black.... you're plus sized, he's Jon Hamm he has a SAG award"
I can't lie I didn't think I'd like this video going in, but I was cracking up. So many great lines. I've only seen this Billy Eichner guy on Parks and Rec where he played Craig Middlebrooks, a very funny extremely flamboyant and loud parks official. His addition to Parks and Rec was hilarious and makes me want to throw an episode on after I finish this post. Then there's Jon Hamm. If you don't know who Jon Hamm is you're a barbarian. He's only Don fucking Draper and also IMO one of the most handsome men alive. I can totally admit that it's 2016 and I judge the fuck out of errrrrbody. Doesn't matter who you are I can tell if you're attractive or not and Jon Hamm is. Also love how much Billy makes fun of Jon Hamm and love even more Jon Hamm makes fun of himself....imagine it was 2009 is such a great line. So many great references in this video.
After watching this video it made me think about the question and how I'd answer. I hate to be lame and no fun but I'd have to decline only because I think I'd fall in love with Jon Hamm (he's fucking Don Draper) and he'd only want me for my body. It'd be a whole long ordeal that would just end very badly and while it'd be fun in the moment the heartache in the long run would outweigh the euphoria in the moment. Oh and I guess because there's no girl in the equation.
So it got me thinking about celebrities I'd go gay for and I'm sure my friends will make fun of me for this blog but I mean whatever. It's my blog & I'm secure AF in myself to have a little fun. Plus a lot of dudes who I think were straight said yes to the video. If you don't have a short list of men (or women for all my loyal lady DOL readers) that you'd consider changing teams for for a night you're lying to yourself. Here are the Top 5 dudes I'd at least think about saying yes to.
5. Dave Portnoy (Barstool Sports)
Now the whole reason I have this blog is hopefully get discovered for the extremely raw but funny (sometimes) talent that I am. Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do in order to get a job. And I'd do literally anything to be working for Barstool in NYC. I'm a Go Pres Go salt of the earth guy. Content, content, content. While I don't think either of us would enjoy it I'd at least consider blowing my way into a job like millions have people have be doing on this planet for centuries. You know where to reach me Dave.
4. Bradley Cooper
Even Mike Pence thinks Bradley Cooper is a 10.
3. Tim Tebow
The pillow-talk afterwards would make it all worth it. I have sooooo many questions for Tebow and I mean I feel like it'd only be fair trade. Imagine the insight I could get. Do you think the NFL blacklisted you? Am I the first person you had sex with? (I don't believe the virgin stuff for one second) How can you play quarterback your entire life and still not be able to throw?
Also I may actually be in love with Tebow....
2. Jon Hamm
Despite what I said about him earlier Jon Hamm is obviously on my short list. I mean have you seen him? He can pull off any look. He's a great actor. He's got it all. He's who every man should want to be. Idc who you are if you can't appreciate his beauty you're either blind or blind. (yes I did that on purpose) Even the "God Hates Fags" ass holes want a night with Don Draper.
1. Tom Brady
I mean has there ever been a more obvious #1 in the history of countdowns or numbers?
I love Tom Brady. If I were to rank all the people I know and how much I love them Tom Brady has a spot in the top 5 for life. Tom Brady is not only the greatest quarterback of all time but he also is incredibly handsome. He's everything. Great father, great athlete, great picky eater (tom-brady-and-i-basically-have-the-same-diet.html), great American. Doesn't matter who you are: man, women, gay or straight you can admit that Tom Brady is a masterpiece. You can hate him on the field all you want but it doesn't take away from the fact that he's a work of art. After all the happiness he's brought me in my life the very least I could do is reciprocate physically. I'm not a monster.