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Can Tom Brady Just Not?

9/8/2021

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I still can’t believe Tom Brady isn’t a Patriot. There is no purpose to life except pain.

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) July 23, 2021
​It's NFL kickoff eve which means we're about to enter the second season of Tom Brady playing professional football for a franchise that is not the New England Patriots. Despite legitimately believing the 2021 Pats can win the Super Bowl, of course, it kills me to see Brady play elsewhere. As a child of divorce, I've known my entire life that nothing lasts forever and people you care about might not care enough about you to work it out, but it bums me the fuck out that Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. It should've NEVER gotten to this. It's wild to remember the 2019 Pats started 8-0. After seeing what happened with Joe Montana, you'd think he'd wanna be a career one-teamer, but I guess 20 years of love from five and a half states wasn't enough for Tommy. It's fucking gross that he's gone and should've never happened like 12 seasons of The Big Bang Theory, but alas, this is our reality.

No longer under the shackles of the Patriot way, Florida Brady has not given a fuck. He's openly bashed NFL rule changes, treated the Lombardi like a Bud Light can, and clearly gotten more work done. Now it looks like he's getting into Crypto and trolling us poor Patriot fans along the way. Haven't we been through enough? Brady, Mookie, and Rondo all won rings elsewhere in the last year.

​As someone with two worthless degrees, I like to consider myself a quasi-intelligent person. I know what Crypto and NFTs are, but not nearly enough to make any money off of them. In this latest Tom Brady ad, he pressures people into joining FTX Official, which I guess is a Crypto exchange service.

Hey @GiseleOfficial @StephenCurry30 @Trevorlawrencee @mlb @kevinolearytv @LCSOfficial @MiamiHEAT @riotgames @TSM @stoolpresidente, you in? @ftx_official #FTXyouin pic.twitter.com/tGsQzgFJvs

— Tom Brady (@TomBrady) September 8, 2021
​Apart from that being the most random assortment of @ mentions in Twitter history, Florida Brady continues to poke the bear, making fun of heartbroken fans who still can't believe he left us for one of the least important franchises in all of sports.

This is almost as fucked up as telling an 11 year old “no thanks” when they ask you sign their jersey at Training Camp @TomBrady pic.twitter.com/Ubi5KJ5Id5

— Doz #hiredozo (@DozonLife) September 8, 2021
Can a microscopic part of me laugh at that? I'm not going to put that on the record, but more importantly, it just confirms what we all know...Brady knows the power he holds over us New Englanders, and can he just not? Go be in Florida. Stop bringing us up. Don't share Patriots posts. Stop twisting the knife, Tommy! He's like the ultimate ex that you say you're over but still in love with and the whole world knows. I'd take him back with open arms like Steve Perry in an instant. Mac Jones can run plays with his girlfriend somewhere else, as far as I'm concerned. I'd love to see what Brady can do with Hunter Henry and Jonnu Smith for the three games they're both healthy. Fuck, I miss him and hate every part of him playing in Tampa even though I profited off it.

P.S.

Announcing you're leaving New England with "FOREVER A PATRIOT" is still soooo fucked up. I remember seeing that and thinking for a split second that it meant he was staying. It's like getting down on one knee with a small box in your hand to break up with someone. Life has no meaning :)
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