If you know me personally and let's be honest; if you read this blog, you probably do, then you know all about my weird brain. I couldn't tell you the names of 60% of my cousins, or three of my college professors, but if you need to know who won the the 1957 World Series (Milwaukee Braves over the New York Yankees in 7) then I'm your guy (Bonus: they met up again in '58, except this time the Yankees won in 7 after being down 3-1).
I have referenced that my life truly began in 4th grade many times before on DOL. It's not to say I don't have any memories prior to 4th grade, it's just that was a seminal year in my life/development. I was a 4th grader during the 2001-02 school year. A lot of shit went down that year; both literally and figuratively. #NeverForget.
Sure, I can tell you the result of every World Series since 1954, but back in 4th grade I was busy memorizing something else; VH1's Top 100 One Hit Wonders.
I didn't realize it at the time, but now I believe my infatuation with One Hit Wonders stems from my day on the Rosie O'Donnell Show and the minor-celebrity that made me on Aquidneck Island for a few weeks before not making it as a child actor; despite multiple agents reaching out. (prob explains my love of Tim Tebow too)
So it's 2002. My class had been learning about how to use T-charts for polling and the Patriots just won their 1st Super Bowl in franchise history. Before the game, we conducted two (2) class polls; "Who would win Super Bowl XXXVI?" and "Who should start for the Patriots?" I voted for Bledsoe.
I tell that story as a character reference to prove my honesty. I voted against Tom Brady starting Super Bowl XXXVI because of what Bledsoe did in relief when TB12 got hurt in the AFCCG. So I hope you believe me when I tell you in 4th grade I memorized the entire VH1 Top 100 One Hit Wonders of All Time list. Not the Top 10, all 100. I don't think you understand how big of an accomplishment this was. I was 10.
Yes, the internet was around in those days, but not like it is now. First, you had to have internet hours from one of those AOL disks.
Luckily, that was never much of an issue since these things were EVERYWHERE. You'd get a free AOL disk in the newspaper, your cereal box and with your orange slices at soccer practice. But after that you still would've had to get your parent's permission to go online. If they were expecting a call in the next four days, FORGET IT. If somehow you were luckily enough to surf the web that day, the list wasn't readily available online anywhere. The only way to learn the VH1 Top 100 One Hit Wonders of All-Time (2002) was by watching the countdown every possible time you could or by making your own list, by hand, to study with later on. I happened to do both.
These experiences in 4th grade were the first ground-breaking shovel into my depth of obscure pop culture knowledge and references that someone my age should simply not know. Mind you, I got to watch SNL every-other weekend when I was at my mom's and I could quote Tommy Boy in its entirety at this point in life. I still can't believe I laughed at the hotel scene like I had any idea it was about getting caught jerking-off (I was still two years away from opening my third eye). I just liked how they mentioned Little Rascals because I was obsessed with Spanky.
I am getting so off-track, but back to One Hit Wonders. I knew that fucking list inside and out, bro. While the rest of the country was mourning after an unfathomable tragedy, I was obsessed with watching William Shatner shit on musicians who got a taste of stardom before stumbling back to reality.
So of course, I know that Eddie Murphy's 1985 hit single "Party All the Time" didn't make the list with other classics like T'Pau's "Heart and Soul" (#92 on the list) or Timbuk 3's "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" (#62). HOWEVER, it did make a special segment that mentioned 80's actors who reached One-Hit Wonder Status that I still remember to this day while not being able to tell you with confidence how a credit score works.
Needless to say, I was surprised to see this on twitter today.
It felt great to know all that research had finally paid off. I knew something that a few thousand strangers just found out today. Take that, h8rs! All those hours were worth it. It also proves that my development-hell One Hit Wonder content idea has an audience... People love this shit. Wait you mean Donkey from Shrek has a 80's coke song? Of course he does!
Although, from like maybe 45 seconds of research it looks like most tweets are people like me disappointed in whatever generation is below them (even though I was negative 6 when this song came out).
Like I said, it feels great to know all those years of research paid off. I'm here to inform just as much as I am here to entertain.
Anything really to distract me for a few hours before the Celtics season potentially ends after blowing a 14 point 4th quarter lead in Game 1 and a 17 point lead in Game 2. "Party all the time, party all the tiiiiiiiime."
R.I.P. Rick James; another person I learned about way too early in life!