I am officially typing my first words of this blog at 8:34 am EST on February 2nd, 2020
I have already had a FULL day.
Laugh, Think, Cry. I have done them all, long before I am an even contemplating being awake most Sundays. Like most mornings after an aggressive helping of bl smooths; I have that neighbor of anxiety I know all too well. The Mr. "oh boiii, I hope I didn't send an embarrassing messages" man. I think you could argue I met him well before I started doing mind altering substances. Back in the days of A. I. M. He eats away at you like Necrotizing fasciitis. He hits you the moment you wake up. quicker than me eating an OCP (Oatmeal Creme Pie for the lamez....all-time less than a dollar food.)
As I see two unopened snap chats from females; both prime suspects for said messages on my notification board... I stared to think, now is a perfect time to let my phone charge and bang out a blog that will be fantastic, but should've been written days ago. What can I say? I love the pressure.
I sit back on a ridiculously comfy couch that puts the actual Big Comfy Couch to shame, typing away, I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous all this is. I been playing this same song for over a decade. The platforms may have changed, but the anxieties of "omg, wtf did I say?" never do. Sometimes you look at your phone for the first time at 4 pm and laugh at yourself...Dude you were fine. Others you have the balls to look early in the morning only to now have to face the sins of drunk you ruin your entire Sunday.
I think and reflect on how lucky I am to be a Patriots fan in the era I have been. I've referenced my life ad nauseam on dozonlife.com (hence the name lol) and I can't help, but get a little emotional about awesome it's been as fan. Tom Brady really might leave the New England Patriots. That same team that he and the likes of Troy Brown, Ty Law, Grey Reugamer, Tedy Bruschi, Tebucky Jones, Richard Seymour, and Adam Vinatieri lead the Patriots to victory over the 14 point favorite, Greatest Show on Turf, St. Louis Rams when I was in 4th grade. I could flex even more and name probably 40 other guys on the team, but no need to spam this blog with any more, needless, unnecessary fluff. Know what I mean?
That was Super Bowl XXXVI (36 for those unequated with Roman Numerals) We are getting ready to watch Super Bowl Olivia. LIV. 54. Six Super Bowl wins and nine total appearances in between....a lifetime's worth of memories and moments in less than 20 years...
I have a well documented history with over-consuming; You can see all the excess energy I have stored across every nook and cranny of my body. I know how lucky I am to be a fan during these years of my life. The Super Bowl is such a gigantic part of American popular culture and the ultimate mountain top achievement in team sports. It's the ultimate goal. The men who have won Super Bowls will have the distinction with them for the rest of their lives; as will the men who lost in the most heart-wrenching ways possible, and those who never even get a taste of the big game at all.
Everybody in the NFL plays for the Lombardi Trophy, which of course is named after the Packers legendary coach. To get there you need to win your conference. In the NFC, it's named the George Halas Trophy after Papa Bear, George Halas, Mr. Everything for the Chicago. In the AFC, it's named after Lamar Hunt; the father of the AFL and owner/founder of the Kansas City Chiefs (originally Dallas Texans)
Think about that.... The Lamar Hunt Trophy until two weeks ago had never been won by the team its named after. (I wonder how many Stanley's have won the Stanley Cup?) The fans of Kansas City have been waiting half a century to get back in the Super Bowl. The Royals in my lifetime have been one of the bigger joke organizations in sports, but even they've won a championship, then went back to their ways...but at least the Royals have been to FOUR World Series (1980, 1985, 2014, 2015) since 1970. Today could honestly be one of the happiest days of millions of peoples lives. If not the happiest, one of. Those fans that have watched together for generations. The families that used football to bond a relationship. Even though I hate the Chief fans who chirp on twitter that Kelce is better than Gronk, which is like trying to argue finding $20 on the ground is better than $100. Finding $20 is fucking awesome. No denying that, but I mean the argument isn't even worth discussing. The Chiefs are a proud, important organization, despite their many, many lean years. I have nothing against them.
Their opponent is the San Francisco 49ers; one of the class organizations of the NFL. The poster child of dynasties and using intellect to build it. Similarly to my beloved Patriots (who I'm trying to not bring up constantly...but when you've appeared in 18.5 of all Super Bowls it's hard to not have them up come up for historical purposes) the 49ers won a liter handful of Super Bowls (5) in less than 20 years (1981-1994). While nobody is going to cry for the "futility" this team has faced since 1994....1994 is still a long time ago. It's 2020 broooooo. You'd realistically have to be at least 30 years old to have any legitimate memories of it. That's a whole generation of fans that haven't experienced the ecstasy that is winning a Super Bowl..and 25+ years that fans who thought their dynasty was nowhere close to ending have waited to taste a championship again.
Obviously I want the Patriots to win the Super Bowl every year, but the reality of life is that just isn't going to happen, despite how much Bill Belichick and Tom Brady may have made that not seem to be the case. A lot of great teams and players have not won championships and I am really happy to see a team that hasn't won in decades end that drought tonight.
I could flex my DOL Madden All 22 (available on instagram @dozonlife) muscles right now about the X's and O's of the game, but there's a bunch of people out there on the internet who are much better at that than I. Yes I know Joe Montana played for both teams.
You could to DOL for the story lines because I am the mother fucking narrative man. Before I tell you who I think is going to win we are going to have a classic DOL list. Top 5 People I Will Be Happy For if They Win The Super Bowl and Top 5 People I Don't Want To See Win The Super Bowl.
Top 5 People I Want To See Win The Super Bowl
5. Kyle Juszczyk
One of the most prolific fullbacks in the NFL. A true throwback to a former #44 great 49ers fullback Tom Rathman. He was drafted by the Ravens in 2013 just months after the Ravens won Super Bowl XLVII...missing out on a ring in Baltimore. The Harvard man is a truly unique talent in the NFL; that you have to think is partly responsibly for the mini-fullback Renaissance in the NFL the last few seasons.
In a backfield by committee, a h/t goes to Raheem Mostort (a guy I had the wherewithal to trade for in fantasy in week 3........only to drop him). What a journey for that guy.
4. Tyrann Mathieu
As the narrative man, there are many people with stories similar to the Honey Badger in sports, but not many with the highs and lows of this face of the 2011 LSU Tigers. Tyrann was the most polarizing figure in college football. You could not miss a punt return with him back there. After his dismissal from LSU for reefer of other things he fell to the 3rd round of the 2013 Draft.
The Honey Badger again balled out with the Cardinals, proving he still was that same player as he moved to safety in the NFL. The Cardinals were actually good, again. We all know he got hurt. It sucks. Especially late in the blow out. A torn ACL ended his rookie year. In 2015 the Cards were a game away from the Super Bowl and one of the most fun teams in the league that year. After getting cut in 2018 after refusing to take a pay cut, he signed a one year "show me" deal with the Texans for 7 million bucks. After a great year in Houston he replaced KC legend Eric Berry (bums me out he's not on this team) with a 3 year 42 million dollar contract.
Tyrann Mathieu is a straight baller on the football field and an easy guy to root for off it. Richard Sherman's story contract wise is similar but he already has a ring and his life together so he's not in the same "I really want to see this guy win" camp...but it would be a cool story to see him win so quickly with a division rival after the Seahawks gave up on him.
3. George Kittle
Greg/George Kittle is a big stoolie and absolute freak of nature on the field. In the Post-Gronk Era of NFL football I believe Kittle is the torch bearer of keeping the Gronk legacy of a lovable caricature of tight end alive. Wicked easy to love this guy.
T-2. Paul Rudd and Rob Riggle
These two are really figureheads for the Chiefs Kingdom. I love what Paul Rudd has done with his Kansas City fandom. I wish more celebs were as open about their sports allegiances; it makes them that more human. I’m rooting for their happiness! If I was a publicist that would be one of big sticking points to potential new clients. There are a lot of teams with big celebrity followings, but my hungover brain cannot think of many currently that compare to the Chiefs. Rudd, Riggle, Melissa Etheridge, The bald dude who plays Champ and Packer, the gay dude who's not actually gay on Modern Family, Sudeikis, Brad Pitt. It'll mean a lot to them, and even more to the regular folk of Kansas City and the rest of the dust bowlish area.
1. Andy Reid
Andy Reid has gotten dragged by the media, internet, and sport talk shows over the years for his mishandling of clock management and buffet of conference championship game defeats, but he's damn good coach. Without question the greatest coach in the Big 4 without a title. He's a big beautiful walrus of a man that will be Canton five years after he retires regardless if the Chiefs win today or not. I hate to get morbid and the Lizzo apologists don't want to hear it, but as a large man myself I worry for Andy's health. I just heard on NFL Network on a segment where they were already fucking asking if Mahomes-Reid could be next Brady-Belichick...that he's not going anywhere....You can never say that above somebody who is both greater than 50 years of age and 250 pounds....that being said I want to see Andy Reid get his moment. He deserves it. He's had so many great teams, but has never won it all as a coach. He deserves this.
Top 5 People I Don't Want To See Win The Super Bowl.
5. Jimmy G.
One of two of these five that I don't actually have any personal issues with as a man. I love Jimmy G. I don't think it's fair that people are trying to take away from him as a QB. Football is a team game, smart coaches know that you have to be able to win in different ways. I don't think anybody was saying Jimmy is the problem when they beat the Saints? The Packers could not stop the run, so why should they?
I just am so fucking disgusted with how the Patriots handled the Jimmy G situation. I don't need to unearth it all, but the fact they got a single second round pick for his services is ass. The Patriots could've parlayed JImmy G into a hell of lot more than what they've gotten from the players he became through trades. I just don't want to see him win a Super Bowl this quickly. The narratives will be annoying for me to deal with.
4. Tyreek Hill
The cheetah is undoubtedly one of, if not THE fastest player in the NFL. He's shown it multiple times this year catching up to teammates on long touchdowns. He's fun to watch.
Also a HUGE scumbag off the field that I feel like people have totally forgotten about. Combine that with how annoying it is to play against him in madden (they made it too easy for scrubs to just bomb it up to him...anybody can do that..takes zero skill) I fucking hate Tyreek Hill. I am trying to get better with that using that phrase, but I genuinely do not fuck with this guy.
3. Travis Kelce
Unlike his brother, he's a fake tough guy. Not a real tight end. Nowhere compared to Gronk. Sick of the idiots who do not understand that tight ends are supposed to block. He talks with that unnatural to any region, I'm trying to sound black accent that I and I would imagine many African Americans, hate. I cannot put into words (yes I can I'm great fucking writer) how much I hate Travis Kelce.
2. Terrell Suggs
The fact that Terrell Suggs is falling into a Super Bowl after signing with the mother fucking ARIZONA CARDINALS is some bull shit. I actually used to like Suggs many, many moons ago I thought the Ball So Hard thing was kind of cool when I was a young idiot, Then I learned who this guy really is; a literal piece of shit. I loathe Terrell Suggs. When he boasted about the arrogance of the Patriots after the Ravens beat them in the 2012 AFCCG the irony of the situation could melt a school bus. He almost makes want to root for the 49ers all by himself.
1. Damien Williams (what he represents)
The tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven others dominated the news-cycle this week and certainly took the wind out of the Super Bowl sails. Alas the show must go on and the cliches about life and its fragility have transformed into cliches about Kobe wouldn't have wanted us to mourn...to keep going... That may true, but what is factually true is his death brought a lot of feelings out of people. It caused some to put the differences aside and realize how nothing is promised. If there's anything "good" to come out of this tragedy it's this; It caused people to reconnect.
When I drafted Damien Williams in the 3rd round of my fantasy draft back in early September I did so unaware that the Chiefs had added LeSean McCoyk but still hated the selection even when I had the sticker in my hand. I went WR (Michael Thomas), WR (Odell...) in the first two rounds and needed an RB. Well I was late in the 3rd and everybody before me just plucked every back I had mocked...Once did I take Damien Williams in a summer of a hundred mocks. He was not on my radar all off-season despite the images of him running through the Patriots defense in the AFCCG and his emergence after the release of Kareem Hunt. I knew the Chiefs offense would be high-flying and figured he'd scored A LOT of touchdowns this year so I picked him. If I could change anything about my fantasy career it's that move.
Damien Williams was a major disappointment this season from a fantasy perspective. I hated having him on my roster. I tried to flip him. When I was approached with a trade of David Johnson for Damien Williams straight up, I jumped at the opportunity. It could've been for Lawrence Maroney, I would've accepted. Well this set in motion the eventual destruction of not just my fantasy football league (that I would have won had this not happen) and more importantly, what I thought was a good friendship that went back to 2007. I was kicked out of the league for a week for challenging the league commissioner and person I'm referencing throughout this excerpt. He had done a trade that included AB who wasn't even on a team. How that's okay, but this wasn't? .... I'll never understand. I am not blameless in this battle. I complain a lot, but I think usually with just cause. Fast forward to the final four. I won 5 straight after reinstatement. It's me against the commish for a chance at the finals. Neither of us have ever even made the Finals, and given the drama of the season it was a #narrativeguy's wet dream. When I beat him by less than a point in the final 4 (thanks to Michael Thomas and Jared Cook) he changed the settings so I lost, then deleted the league, venmoed everybody there money back, deleted the group chat. We have not spoke since.
I fucking love football, readers. It is my favorite sport and a major part of my identity as a man. I might have only played sub-part swiss-army OL (I started at least one game at LT, LG, RG and RT) for the smallest high school in my state, but god damn I loved every minute of it. Even my super disappointing senior season. I thought I had a friend for life. We were teammates, and frankly I was responsible for a lot of his social life. Granted a QB doesn't need a ton of help...but we've been through a lot and a know a lot about each other; skeletons included. The fact that I was treated how I was gave me no choice but to terminate the friendship. It sucks. I wish it doesn't have to be this way. What makes it suck more is that person appears to not give less of a fuck about the situation, That definitely hurts. He's a 49ers fan and given how he killed the league, our friendship and has a very successful year outside of football fandom I do not want to see him get the joy out of winning a Super Bowl. Call me petty. I don't care. I'm a man of principle. I do not think it is ethically right for his behavior to be rewarded this way. Should he apologize and give me the money I rightfully earned from making the finals, I would be 100% receptive towards putting this past us.
As for the game itself..
I have gone back and forth all week, I could see either team winning this game. What I love is how different they are; the Chiefs do airing the ball out. They're basically a track team. Defensive they are nothing special and can be run against despite what they did to Henry in the AFCCG. The 49ers run, run, run and run some more. Sure they have a lot of razzle-dazzle with all the motion and inclusion of the fullback in the vertical passing, but their bread and butter is running the ball and great defense. Everybody is talking about how interesting the match up with be and I cannot wait to see what happens.
Recently we saw the Eagles throw a wrench into the white supremacy of Super Bowl champ uniforms this millenium. Then the next year we saw the lowest scoring Super Bowl ever in a year that saw more points than any season ever (I think...). I have a feeling this game that has been sort of forgot ends up being somewhat forgettable. I really just think the Chiefs make it a laugher. Their story is too much man. The way they lost last year never getting the ball (stop crying....make a stop), the 50 year drought, NFL100, Andy Reid, getting slept on after Mahomes went down (which may end up being the biggest blessing in disguise), saying fuck you to the Madden Curse... I just think it's the Chiefs year.
The 49ers have been unbelievable; 13-3. One seed in the NFC. But they also were literally inches away from being the 5 seed. Credit to them, they made the play they needed to and it was an epic one. They have won the games they needed to and are here. Kyle Shannahan is back in the Super Bowl less than 5 years after 28-3; good for him.
To me they just scream "Super Bowl loser" based on the way this season has gone. I've watched a lot of sports in my day, of course the narratives don't always play out, but EVERYTHING is pointing the Chiefs for me. That in itself almost makes you want to fade the public, but sometimes the public is right. Analyatical dozo saw that the 49ers have 18 of the top 25 Pro Football Focus graded players in this game, so that definitely scares me and shows how legit the niners are...but #1 was Pat Mahomes. Soon to be the face of the league after he wins Super Bowl MVP tonight. I think the Chiefs end up making the game not very close. Yeah I took them -14.5 too, so what?