If my calculations are still correct, COVID-19 is running roughshod through rock #3 as we read. Truly shades of Lizzo's rise to fame when you consider the rate at which the Rona has spread. Rona's been around for a minuteee; A few people in-the-know really knew what was good with her and how she'd eventually blow up; despite most people not taking her seriously. Then one day she was fucking everywhere. Everywhere you went, you could not escape her; it's Rona, Rona, Rona.
It's tough to make jokes when thousands of people are dying and all you want to do is get high and watch Gilded Age documentaries, but the show must go on! Even if every other show in town has stopped.
You'll never guess who's trying to act like they can just out-work, out-grind and out-smart the Rona.
That's right! The NFL. The same shield that brought you hits like "The Assassination of John F. Kennedy Won't Stop League Play" and "We Lied About the Repercussions of Concussions for DECADES" is proud to present: "The NFL Draft is on AS SCHEDULED; 24 days from now despite COVID-19!!!"
My disdain of Roger Goodell is firmly on the record. I hate the man. I hate his bird face. I hate that he vacations in the same geographical region that I call home. He sucks.
I know this move to keep the draft going is purely based on profits, while at the same time trying to keep the 2020 NFL Season intact. Just a bunch of billionaires with zero regard for the rules or safety saying we're still having our party in our sun-less faces. I can't lie, I have to respect it. Tip my Schutt Air XP Advantage and move on. As much as I hate everything that Goodell is and represents; at least he's trying to give us SOMETHING during this lock-down/quarantine in place/whatever term we're using to describe what life currently is.
It's clear Roger wants the NFL Draft to still happen at all costs. We frankly need it, given the circumstances of life as of late. I miss sports. You likely do too...probably more than I do tbh; there's plenty of information out there on the Gilded Age for me to consume. ***Diddy in Get Him to the Greek after freaking out about Chocolate Daddy's lack of units/his surplus of voice*** I'm doing fine.
I know Roger would never listen to someone like me with creativity flowing through their brain like toradol, but I'm going to introduce some ideas for the 2020 NFL Draft here. I love football. I want the game to survive. The 2020 NFL Draft will be unlike any previous draft of most NFL fan's lifetimes. In order to remain as safe as possible the following rules must be followed: It's dangerous/strange times here; we need to smart. You billionaires will be okay. It's the common folk that you exploit to become/remain billionaires that you need to worry about for once. If you want to steal these ideas and pass them off as your own so eventually Roger can see this and pretend he thought of it; that's fine. Just let Barstool know where they originated.
How the 2020 NFL Draft Can Still Be a Touchdown Amidst Pandemic!
1. No Fans Allowed!
Those fans whose dream it is to watch their favorite team draft someone they likely won't sign to a second contract will have to wait for the greater good of the game.
2. No Green-Rooms Chock Full' O 20-23 Year Old Men in $6,300 Suits.
With bushels of eligible men that played football at various institutions of higher learning across this great nation ripe for the picking; it is important to consider the health effects and cross contamination from so much excess cloth/ potential exposure to super-strains of disease from different regions.
3. No More Elaborate Handshakes or Displays of Affection (In order to Safely Practice Social Distancing)
I know everybody wants to get their hands and lips on Roger, but we cannot take any chances. If Tom Hanks and Idris Elba aren't immune; neither is Führer Goodell. Can't be taking no chances!!!!
This is actually borderline okay.
4. Use This As A Teachable Moment
While the NFL did a pretty solid job of sucking it's own dick during all the #NFL100 celebrations; one of my biggest complaints was the lack of respect towards the league's vast history. They dropped the ball like Jackie Smith here. Now all of America (and the world) is sick. Sure, they threw a couple leather helmet era fellas a bone by including them on the All-Time Team. All those Kings that laid the foundation got was 20 seconds of Belichick going over their lithographs; it wasn't enough. The league really put little to no effort in talking about these great teams of the past.
During these unprecedented circumstances it's clear the 2020 Draft will be unlike any that people under .... let's call it 42 years old can recall. I think it'd be awesome to use these unfortunate health circumstances to force people to learn about the history of the NFL. A little league-mandated propaganda never hurt anybody... Think about the demand for sports content right now! The draft could be held in a bathroom and tens of millions would tune in. Do people in the league not realize how amazing the stories of this league's development from a bunch of butchers letting off some steam to the medium-key monopoly with a stranglehold on the Lord's Day are? (are they trying to hide them?) The stories of the AFL-NFL merger should be house-hold knowledge. "Operation Hand Holding" deserves it's own blog and will likely receive one later this lock-down. My point is the history of not just the NFL, but all of mankind is fucking fascinating.
Did you know the draft used to basically be a bunch of owners drunk in a hotel?
With nothing but a chalk-board-----
-----and some rotary phones.
That is how the 60's Packers; perhaps the greatest dynasty pre-Brady/Belichick were built.
If we went back to a 1967 "Common Draft" style production, or better yet to the real rinky-dink-ness of pre-merger we could not only TRULY appreciate this league's history, but show how far it's grown. You could create a ton of content about the history of the NFL that people will gladly watch just because it's NFL related. The demand is so high for sports related content that we may be able to shove a history pill on this football hot dog that America has to eat.
I'm just saying this could be a lot of fun.