How To Survive A Jimmy Buffett Concert

On Saturday I "went" to a Jimmy Buffett concert in Mansfield with three of my friends. It was a day my best friend and I have been talking about for literally 10 years. I knew that I would be a Jimmy Buffett guy at a very young age, much like how I knew I'd be a beard guy well before I could grow one. Well the day finally came and it was amazing (for what I can remember) I say "went" because although I was there in body, I was not entirely there in spirit, but we will get to that later. 

Now although I technically DID fall asleep and miss about 80% of the show (basically just took a $200 nap) I am a great advice guy. While I may not follow any of my teachings in my own personal life, it doesn't mean you shouldn't. I'm great at helping others while not being able to help myself. It's part of the enigma that is me. If you listen to me and follow what I'm about to tell you, you WILL be able to survive the day and night. 

1. Make Sure You Prepare For the Tailgate

Now you're probably thinking "sweet advice, doz" like that is something obvious. While it is obvious advice I cannot stress enough it's importance. My friends and I were lucky, we had about 85% of all the things needed to have a great time. Our own tent would've been nice but we were mingling with other Parrotheads so it wasn't that big of a deal. Overall for first timers I'd give us a B+ in preparedness. But if you are ever going to do a Buffett tail gate make sure you have a tent and plenty of food, booze, water, plates, napkins, cups, trash bags, stuff the entertain yourself (games, football etc.), and chairs. We did pretty well preparing overall. When packing for a tailgate of any sort or any party really always go by "more is more" you rather have too much stuff than not enough.

2. Mix in Water

This is huge, I mixed in plenty of water and still passed out. That actually was not entirely my fault and will explain it later. But my boy kept telling me this and it is very true "It's a marathon, not a sprint" You could be tailgating for 8 hours, no need to have 5 drinks in the first 30 minutes. Mixing in waters also helps you stay cool in the hot summer sun. This is very important. Also if you're gonna drink water, drink Poland Spring. I love them so much. I'm not getting paid for this endorsement but if they would like a new spokesman I'd be honored. There are few things I am as passionate about as I am with the superiority of Poland Spring. All other bottled water is trash. Poland Spring is Tom Brady, everything else is Tim Rattay (who? exactly)

3. Be Fun and Willing to Talk to Anybody

This is huge, a Jimmy Buffett concert is really just an excuse to party. Don't be a wet blanket and you'll have a great time. That's great advice for life, not just concerts.

Be willing to shoot the shit with strangers, it will make your time much more enjoyable. You never know who you're going to run into or who will be willing to give you a ton of free booze and food. Now I get it, maybe you should live your entire life like this, but we aren't all superheroes. Some people (me) are extremely awkward and borderline on the spectrum. Talking to new people can be intimidating. Luckily when the liquor is following, it is very easy to be out going and interact with random 62 year old married couples. I was talking to so many people, made the time much more fun.

4. Make Sure You're Well Rested

This was one of my biggest mistakes. I worked a lot more this week than I am used to. While I'm not some manly man construction worker breaking bricks. Delivering pizza for 11 hours a day 3 out of 4 days is tiring. Especially when you're used to doing nothing. Binge drinking takes a lot out of you, make sure you are well rested and prepared for the big day that is up coming. A good night sleep is (a MAJOR) key.

5. Eat Plenty of Food

This is where ole dozo screwed up. Make sure you eat enough food. I've been trying to not be a complete pig post weight loss so I tried to not eat a ton of food, but make sure you eat enough. I had basically one meal over the course of the day. Gotta make sure you're not drinking on an empty(ish) stomach. It's okay to have yourself a day.

6. Have a Drinking Game-plan and Stick to It (as best as you can)

My blogging idol, Big Cat always says it and it could not be more true, this is sort of paraphrased but the main point is vital. When you're heavily drinking, it's important to not stop, because once you do that's when you die. Basically it's like feeding a fire, when you're crushing margs and bud lights nonstop for 5 hours, once you stop you're gonna drop. That's basically what happened to me. So times are tight for ole dozo rn, I wasn't trying to spend $14.75 a beer inside, so I stopped drinking once we entered. I felt (relatively) fine when we got inside, but the break from drinking while on paper seemed like a good idea, actually led to my demise.

So if you're gonna drink hard, don't stop. If you're drinking light, don't start trying to be a hero, go at your own pace. I really fell asleep because I was tired more so than I was black out drunk because I can tell you basically everything that happened throughout the day. I really don't blame myself here but if you wanna say I fucked up, then I fucked up.

7. Dress The Part

Don't wanna be that guy or girl that looks out of place. Everybody knows I'm a big Halloween guy, I love dressing up. A Jimmy Buffett concert is like a tropical Halloween party. Everybody is in ridiculous outfits and I love every part of it. This is just as important as not passing out. Yeah I may have taken a quick nap but at least I did it in a Hawaiian shirt.

As far as advice that's about all I have for now. Definitely still kinda bummed I missed a majority of the show, but you know what, if I've learned anything from sports it that you gotta grow and learn from your mistakes. I will be back next summer, better than ever and ready to take in a full tailgate and concert. Please do not die Jimmy, I'll be so bummed. As for the rest of the day here are some things I noticed.

• VERY white crowd. I saw exactly 1 black person the entire day. I hate when people complain about diversity just to try to sound cool but it was extremely white, kind of crazy how white. Top 1 whitest days of my life and I am Boston sports fan and go to a lot of games.
• Apparently in the RV lot A LOT of ladies from teens to grandmas go tits out for the boys/Harambe. Bummed we weren't a part of that.
• Some lady parked next to us had to go to the Hospital for drinking. At least that wasn't me.
• Bring your own toilet paper I always forget to do this but the ultimate power move when you're somewhere with porter potties is to bring a roll of your own TP. Don't wanna be forced to use that 1/4 ply BS they provide. I know a lot of people think they're above using a porter potty. I do not, when nature calls, nature calls. Just gotta bring your own TP, I might get a tattoo of that so I never forget.
  
• A lot of tailgaters had the "I have season tickets to the Patriots" vibe because all their stuff was Pats gear. So I would shoot the shit with Pats fans about the upcoming season. I asked some dude what he thinks our record will be this year and he said 10-6. I wanted to punch him in the face. Even without Brady til week 5 we're still going 12-4 worst case scenario. Are you even a Pats fan bro?
  
• Do not fall asleep 5 songs into the show.

That pretty much sums up the day. One thing I can guarantee is that next summer I will be back. My friends will be back, we will have even more people with us and it is going to be a great time. Despite everything, it was a fantastic experience.