I Can't Believe Tom Brady Just Cucked KG Like That

As if the C's blowing a 13 point lead on his jersey retirement day wasn't bad enough (stop me if you've heard that before in a game involving KG), Tom fucking Brady had to cuck KG's big day (and Selection Sunday) by announcing he's no longer retired.

These past two months I’ve realized my place is still on the field and not in the stands. That time will come. But it’s not now. I love my teammates, and I love my supportive family. They make it all possible. I’m coming back for my 23rd season in Tampa. Unfinished business LFG pic.twitter.com/U0yhRKVKVm

— Tom Brady (@TomBrady) March 13, 2022

I mean, even though Brady said he was hanging them up a whopping 40 days ago (after denying rumors the previous day), I never truly believed it. I've spent a lot of years worshipping this man. There was no way in Hell someone as competitive as TB12 was gonna go out on an L after nearly pulling off a 27-3 comeback to the eventual Super Bowl champs.

​I love Brady, and of course, I wish he wasn't playing in Tampa. I don't blame him for wanting to run it back after the fantastic season he put together at 44 years old, but he could've announced this tomorrow, or the next day, or even two hours ago. But the fact that he had to upstage Kevin Garnett like that rubs me the wrong fucking way like Mr. Kraft in a raided rub and tug. This is why people haven't fucked with Brady for two decades. This was a dickhead; please look at me move. 

I don't know if he's jealous that someone who actually sealed the deal in 2007-08 was getting his flowers today but to quote Michael Scott: ​

P.S.

​I'm sure it was a collector and not some average Joe who spent his life savings on it but talk about brutal timing with this purchase:

One day before Tom Brady unretired, someone paid more than $518,000 for the ball that would have been, but definitely is not, the last touchdown pass of his career. https://t.co/gd30ex8rZn

— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) March 13, 2022

Double P.S.

​Seriously Tom? Not only did you fuck over KG, but you screwed over Ole Dozo too. But that's nothing new to you, is it? 

Yes, I love writing and want to write for Barstool more than anything I've ever wanted or will want in this lifetime, but bro, I just rocked my face off to Tame Impala less than 24 hours ago and slept for maybe four on a soft mattress that made my back turn into peanut brittle. It's a recovery, do-nothing day. It's Sunday night, and I'm just trying to chill. There was no need to announce this news tonight—Brett Brady over here, smh.

Triple P.S.

I guess Brady's timing has something to do with the start of free agency.

By announcing his decision to return to Tampa tonight, Tom Brady sends a message to the 24 Buccaneers free agents who could have begun entering into agreements with other teams at noon Monday.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) March 13, 2022

But it doesn't change the fact that he 1000% cucked KG's number retirement ceremony. He could've dropped the news now and everything would've been fine. And I didn't even get into the part of how fucked it is he's doing this to all of his fans who already processed the end of his career. Now we/they have to go through all that again next year and/or the year after that. Just a selfish, un-Patriot like move by a guy who said he's FOREVER A PATRIOT then bounced for scuzzy Tampa.