Yesterday the were no blogs on DOL, but if you're one of the 64 people who has seen my IG story, you already knew that. (please follow @Dozonlife)
It took two (2) whole days back at the education factory for ya boi's self-diagnosed anxiety to fuck me up like a 1988 Mike Tyson haymaker. I say self-diagnosed because I haven't been to a psychiatrist, only a good ole fashion shrink, but it's like Kevin Ware self-diagnosing his compound fracture. I am fucking crippled by anxiety bro lol, but anyways I say all that because I try to be transparent as possible on DOL. I'm ashamed of a lot of things, but not that. It's "okay to not be okay, right?!?!?" I want to write for Barstool more than anything in the world, but some days after work, I have to have some Ryan time, so I took a mental health day.
I was supposed to have video therapy at 4:00 PM, but I got a text from my shrink saying she needed to reschedule. With it getting nicer out, I decided to go to Newport to walk the Cliff Walk to try to turn my brain off for an hour-ish and relax. Plus, spoiler alert, I put on the COVID hundo and need to start exercising again but still haven't gotten my Planet Fitness membership fixed. I'd rather walk with a gorgeous view of the ocean and masked-up coeds than my neighborhood. I moved in August, and my PF account is still linked to the gym by my old house; I tried to switch in-person when I moved, they said I could do it online and tried to, but it wouldn't work, and now it's almost May.
If you're still reading, you're probably like, "what the fuck does any of this have to do with AirPods?" and I'm gonna get there in the next nine paragraphs.
I wanted to listen to music during my walk, but since I'm a civilized human being, I used some sort of sound transmitting device, so I'm not walking around blasting Florence + the Machine for the whole world to hear (not that they'd be upset). I have two sets of wireless headphones, a pair of like $35 DJ headphones that I got on Am*zon about two years ago, and AirPods. I only opted to go for the Airpods on this walk because I was being lazy and assumed the other ones were dead since they haven't been used since the summer.
Now I get it; I'm never going to fall into the "one size fits all" umbrella. I haven't been able to wear a hat with that label since t-ball. Maybe I just have weird-shaped ear canals, and I'm the one who's wrong here, but for the life of me, I don't understand how people can exercise with Airpods in.
Do they use that tape that girls use on their tits? Are they anti-Q-tipper and have enough ear sludge to lock them into position? Can they balance a glass of milk on their head? I could go on forever, baby. I couldn't walk three paces without one of these mother fuckers falling out of my ear like the name of someone I just met. How the fuck do people do anything other than sit/lay down with Airpods in? I don't get it. I've heard people say just twist them, but that hasn't worked for me and only hurts more. I find it hard to believe that I'm the only person having this issue. How can someone do legitimate cardio without these things jumping out of their ears?
How do people move more than 2 MPH without Airpods falling out? What's their secret? I'd walk a few steps then have to either push it back in and inadvertently change the song or turn into Patrick Roy every 3.3 seconds trying to save it from hitting the ground.
I have been a vocal hater of Airpods for years, so much so that I nearly missed out on free AirPods that came with the I bought a new Macbook last summer with some of my hard-earned ub** money.
The salesperson was like "do you want AirPods?" and thinking they were trying to upsell me, I was like, "absolutely not." After she told me they came with the laptop, I scooped them up like a groundball (Lil Wayne, 2008). Being in the content game, I thought about using them as a follower raffle item to try to get into the triple digits (I since have) on Twitter but got curious about all the hype and tried them out for myself. Maybe I'm just an anxious freak who can't walk level, with fucked up (but cute) ears, but I'm genuinely curious how tf people get AirPods to stay in. Sound off in the comments below with your best AirPod advice/bashing of these overpriced pieces of shit that I make fun of people for having when I own an iPhone and Macbook.
I know, super timely blog, but I've used these things like maaaaybe 15 times since I got them in August. Mostly when I'm at home to listen to Khruangbin (I can only listen to instrumentals while writing) to block out noise while blogging. How do the readers feel about a clorox-wiped down set of AirPods for my 500th twitter follower??? I'm willing to make it happen!