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I Fundamentally Do Not Understand Trump's Hair

2/7/2018

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Trump’s hair underscored by “Dream Weaver” #WeaveGotThis pic.twitter.com/oXo53AUR3J

— ElElegante101 (@skolanach) February 7, 2018

via GIPHY

I know this happened way earlier today, but I just couldn't let this one slip through the cracks. I was mesmerized when I first saw this.

It's no secret that Donald Trump has some of the most ridiculous hair in the history of hair. Many would call it bad hair. I would say I fall into that demographic, I'm not special here, just trying to give you the most accurate statistics that are readily available.  I think his hair stinks on ice. Many have thought this for a minute, long before he became one of the most hated men on earth.   

If there was a Mount Rushmore of bad hair Donald would most certainly be the George Washington of the group. Donnie Boy would be right up there with Mark Davis, Scarlett Johansson (honestly baby what're you doing?) and Elfrid Payton in my personal Mount Rushmore of bad "celebrity" hair. 
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I'll let do decide who gets to be the Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln in this situation.

But this may be the worst 45's hair has ever looked. 


At first when I saw the video I thought the back of his head was bald and my brain was officially in a pretzel. For all these years I had always assumed that Donny used the hair on the back of his head to create his infamous comb-over-forward quaff situation. Figured his hair on the back of his head was two and half feet long to make it all work. After first glimpsing my brownies (eyes) on the monstrosity that is this video I thought he had alopecia, which usually is no laughing matter. It made zero sense. Where does his hair come from if he's bald on nearly 70% of his cabeza?

Upon further review it looks like he's not bald on the back of his head, he just has the fairest colored hair of all time, it's basically transparent. He's like Andre from The League with clear hair. 

Footage of Donald Trump's bad hair day goes viral https://t.co/lHLg5K672T pic.twitter.com/k3FEs9QwLP

— The Independent (@Independent) February 7, 2018
Regardless, it was a horrible look, and I'm confused AF. From far away it looks like he legitimately has no hair on the back of his head. Then if you zoom in you can see his thin, thin, clear hair. His hair is like a work of art in the sense that it must've taken a long time to create and I don't fucking understand it at all no matter how much you try to explain it to me. I'm sorry but abstract expressionism is not art.

Say whatever you want about the guy but he has enough money to take care of his situation if he really wanted to. So why doesn't he do something about it? To me the only explanation at this point is that it's too late in the game. He can't just show up out of the blue with Fabio flow. That would be very suspicious behavior, even by Trump's standards. He's just had the nest for so long that it's officially part of who he is. Before Trump was President I feel like that'd be the first thing that came to mind when someone mentioned his name was his hair, even before the money and "you're fired!".   At this point it's like his signature so he can't just fix it now, he wouldn't be The Donald anymore. Like once I read (nbd) that Stephen Hawking as technology advanced was offered a less robotic, more human sounding voice machine but said/typed with his eyes that didn't want it because that robot sound has become his signature.  So maybe Trump's bad hair is his robot voice? Either way Trumps hair STINKS! P U, thank God I wasn't eating when I first saw this video or I would've throw up.
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