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As you already know after reading my blog from yesterday bill-belichick-becomes-only-the-3rd-coach-in-nfl-history-to-win-300-games.html New England Patriots head football coach Bill Belichick has 300 wins. Making him only the 3rd coach in NFL history to reach that milestone.
While the Patriots don't like to celebrate individual achievements, Bill would be the first to tell you this is a team accomplishment that would not ever be possible without the players. Many of his players were asked about Belichick's 300th victory after the game yesterday. I bet some may have even been asked about it again today. Linebacker/boogeyman Dont'a Hightower had this to say in congratulations to Belichick's 300th win.
Now, we all say stupid stuff, especially in the heat of the moment. You'd think I work at pop copy with how often my foot is in my mouth. ​
​ But Dont'a
You know when you're a kid and don't understand how literally anything actually works? When you think $100 can buy a car? I feel like that's what Dont'a is doing here with the number 300. Don't get me wrong, 300 can be a big number sometimes. If you are in possession of 300 pairs loaves of bread that's far too many for one person to ever have, unless they are partaking in some sort of grilled cheese cook-off. If you have 300 pairs of children's shoes you probably helped commit genocide. To really put things in perspective, Alanis Morrisette once had 10,000 spoons and only needed a knife.
Sometimes, 300 is nothing. Fucking NOTHING. Especially when it comes to amount of times doing something. If you've been alive for less than a year you've woken up 300 times. Bam! There's one thing right there. Oh you gotta go to sleep, right? There's another 300. Are you over a year old? Oh sick, we're having a conversation right now, so let's multiply. You've been alive for at least a couple years. How have you managed to survive this long? Did you eat food? You did, awesome.. More than once a day? Okay cool. Now that didn't just stay inside your body forever did it? Oh no it didn't? You made poo-poo and pee-pee? Yep. Okay there's another. Did you go to school? No, way? Me too. You've probably read over 300 pages in your life then, Just barely, I know. So you said you went to school. Before 2017? You did? Okay so you've said the Pledge of Allegiance wayyyy more than 300 times. Did you make it to 13 years old? You did? Congrats. You've jerked off at least 2,000 times and with jerking off comes clean up. Another 1000+ times. Now speaking of clean up, you've been showering throughout all this shit, right? Okay thank God. Assuming 3 a week (which is way too low) we're hitting 300 in two years easy. While were on cleaning don't think I forgot about the poo-poos and the pee-pees. You wiped, right? Oh thank God. another 300+. Now let's go back to that eating thing. After all that's where the poo-pee starts. Do you hate yourself? Oh you don't, well look at you Mr. Perfect. Well a lot of us do, so let's just throw in pints of Ben and Jerry's while we're at it to be safe.. Did you go to college? Yes, okay so over 300 beers too. Did you graduate? You did? Congrats so 300 adderall. Maybe you're a linebacker in the NFL? Oh you are? That's incredible. Barely anybody is. Guess what, you have over 300 tackles in your career too. I could keep going and say most people have sent far more than 300 texts in their life, or sang the wrong words to Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann. I could keep going but I've already drove this shitty topic to the ground and we get the point. I just hope Belichick takes 30 seconds to bust High's balls about this ridiculously inaccurate assessment on life statistics. Speaking of...I used to say I was going to keep track of all the beers I drank in college and that lasted about two nights. I am just fascinated by the idea of stats of my own life, and I used to say it was never possible although with google, facebook, Russia, our government, and Alexa that is probably no longer the case :(
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