Damn how could a big man that handsome get nobody to go with him??? Also there shouldn't have been an apostrophe before s on that snap and even though I'm too lazy to re-read my blogs fully after completion seeing that error makes my skin crawl.
Exactly two weeks ago tonight I went to see one of my favorite bands HAIM in Boston at Agganis Arena. It was an incredible show and I'm so happy I finally saw them.
Much like Kid Cudi on his 2009 masterpiece Man on the Moon: The End of The Day I was Mr. Solo Dolo. Mr. Solo Dozo if you will.
Yes that's right, hard to believe, I know, given how beloved (in my head) I am, but I could not get a single human being to come to this concert with me. I even went the old-person route and put out 2 (two) f book statuses about the show hoping to find someone. I was so down to reconnect with any random person(s) who was down.
It was nice to get a few nibbles here, even if they were pity likes and comments. It's not like I couldn't find someone to go see the Beatles with me at Shea Stadium in 1965 which made the reality of going alone a little easier to deal with.
It's not like HAIM is insanely well-known so that's a big factor for sure, I'd like to think if I had tickets to Post Malone I could get people to come, but still human natures kicks in. We all want to be liked, and even though I have a solid core of friends it still stung. Nobody likes rejection. It definitely didn't feel awesome when I couldn't get 1 out of 740ish people I'm friends with on f book to accept free tickets to a kick ass sister trio rock band in Boston.
I am not an animal, I am a human being!
I still hadn't bought tickets as I was holding out hope I'd find someone to go with. Then around 4:30 pm I was at a crossroads, one way lead to not seeing a band I have liked for over four years (I have timestamps to prove it)
because of social norms where it's considered weird/a loser move to do certain things alone (go to concerts, sporting events, movies, sit down meals etc).
Nobody wants to be Steven Glansberg eating alone in the cafeteria.
The other option was to say "fuck it" and go see a band I've wanted to see for years (4 to be precise) regardless of who was or wasn't interested. Not let the fact that literally nobody I knew was interested in going. I was gonna see a band that I really love and try to have a good of time as possible. After bouncing the potential power move off a buddy that's what I decided to do. It felt right, it felt right (yeah!)!
I bought a floor ticket because if I'm gonna go alone I'm gonna have a great view. I'm a big baller. I think being alone on the floor you can blend way better. Being alone in a seat is just inherently more awkward.
I'm not a guy who will let being alone stop me from doing things. This isn't a woe is me post, just me talking about a semi-taboo topic in the sense that people definitely will judge you for going to a show alone. I know a few people that have seen shows alone, one ended catastrophically with a .09 DUI, but before I went it was something I didn't think I'd ever do.
But like I do not judge (here). Especially people going to the movies alone. I think people who care about going to a movie alone are fucking losers. You go sit in a theater where you shouldn't be talking, who cares who you're with? Obviously it'd be cool have someone to go with bounce your thoughts on the movie off of but that's why twitter dot com exists. Back when I was delivering pizza and had most day time hours to do as I pleased I would catch matinees alone all the time. I have no idea how many, I'd guess at least over 25. I have no issue with that. I want to go to movies with people who go alone and just sit wicked far apart. I still don't think I'd ever go to a game alone, or out to eat a nice restaurant but with something as personal as music I just couldn't let this opportunity pass me by. So I did what I had never done in my 26 + trips around the sun, I went alone to a concert alone.
I gotta say it got easier as the night went on. The worst parts were when I first parked my car and got out to walk into the arena, and when I first entered the arena. Just cause it was the first like "you're really here all alone" moment. It might sound soft but it can be kinda scary. Just to be all alone in a crowd of thousands. Not a single person who knows who you are. It was weird.
You just all these people together, all excited getting to have a shared experience and deep down I was like "man I am such a loser, I can't believe I drove up here all alone". You can't help but feel a little down that you're not their with people you care about.
Being a bigger dude too who doesn't exactly fit in with the stereotypical description of HAIM fan I definitely felt like I was being watched, and judged. I could be completely wrong but that's kinda how I always feel and it was just magnified walking into the elevator in the parking garage, then walking into the arena and going through security.
As one of the most awkward people alive I wasn't gonna start trying to strike up conversations and make friends. I sure as hell wasn't gonna spit any game, get rejected and ruin my night. I had a grand total of three non-transaction/talking to security interactions with humans after I officially entered the arena and two of them were me saying "thank you" after getting complimented on my Black Keys t-shirt (s/o my sister).
The first one happened when I was in line to get beer and some cute girl just said I love your shirt, in which I replied with a standard thanks, then we never saw each other again. Boiler plate dozo conversation with a girl. The second time I was in line for beer again as I got two before the actual show started, of course I finished those in no time to help loosen me up and I wanted "one" more before the show. Some lady said I love the Black Keys, are they touring soon? Dead giveaway that she doesn't actually love them because if she did she'd know they've been on a hiatus since 2015. It'd be like me saying I love Robin Williams, why hasn't he made any movies lately? To avoid confrontation I just said "nah they're not touring right now", which looking back I regret because I should've used this as an opportunity to share my vast knowledge on the subject. I mean what's the point of knowing all this useless music and sports knowledge if I'm never gonna use it in everyday life? Maybe if she wasn't married... and the third was saying yes when a couple around me asked if I could take their picture. I always say yes, I love to take strangers photos. That sounded creepy AS FUCK. So creepy that I just typed out AF for the first time in 2018. But what I mean is I like to do it for people, it's nice to help out your fellow human, plus I like to have a little fun with it. I told the guy that he needed to smile more and his girlfriend clearly appreciated that. I didn't this time but sometimes I like to pull an aunt at the family BBQ and say "make a silly face" but given being the 300 lb dude alone at a HAIM show I made the executive decision to withhold from saying that.
As for the show itself it was fucking incredible. The opener Lizzo SUCKED. I didn't know any of her music. Big nasty black chick who shoves the fact that she's a big nasty black chick in your face. Aka the worst type of people. Not for me. Please cover up! She basically had her vadge hanging out which would've been cool 150 lbs ago. As a fat person I can say that, in fact that's the reason why I gained half of the weight I lost two years ago, so I'd be allowed to still talk shit about fat people. Like when the dentist (Bryan Cranston) converts to Judaism for the jokes.
I just fucking hate the bodi-positive movement. Sorry not sorry. If you're morbidly obese you shouldn't be proud about it. You don't see me wearing a mesh shirt like Sean Astin in 50 First Dates.
Know your role.
As for the show itself, the HAIM sisters fucking killed it. I lucked out and was on Este's side of the stage in the crowd and proceeded to take a million photos and videos of her (as shown on my IG that I included). They talk a lot to the crowd, told family stories, ripped on each other. Este was just being her perfect, funny self. Gotta show love to Danielle and Baby Haim too. They were great. The set list was almost perfect, played nearly all their hits and best songs. Only was missing "If I Could Change Your Mind" which I'll add here to make up for the omission.
If there's anything you can take away from this blog it's don't care what the fuck people think. If you want to go to a concert to see an act you love and nobody else wants to go, fucking go. Don't hold yourself back because of that. As I say that don't get me wrong, I'm more comfortable going to a show alone, but it's not something I'm in love with doing. I'd prefer to have friends with me, but I can't entirely rule out doing this again. If you embrace it and have fun that's all that matters. I had a blast at the HAIM show and if I hadn't put that weight back on for comedy purposes who knows maybe I could've ended up making out with a rando in the pit (probz not)? My point is this, if you wanna see a movie and nobody is free. Go. If you wanna see a band that not a lot of your friends are into on a Thursday night. Go. Just never go out to dinner alone because you'll end up trying to get the waiter and random men to sit with you so you aren't eating alone like Steven fucking Glansburg.